Out Of The Womb, Into The Fire

So Is Legitimate Good Or Bad?

The State of Missouri Misery

August 25, 2012

The Republican’t platform includes the yearning for a constitutional amendment outlawing abortion with no exception for life of the mother, rape or incest.  Congressman and Republican’t senate nominee in Missouri, Todd Akin (R-14^th Century) talked about his understanding that “if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”  Wow, that’s just some groundbreaking stuff.  This guy is like the Einstein of the anti-choice crowd…if Einstein instead of thinking fifty years ahead of his time and coming up with E=MC², had gotten 90% of his brain removed shortly after birth and a Nobel Prize for drooling. 

Countless Republican’ts, most of whom share Akin’s views if not his level of stupidity or candor, railed against this Tea-Party-darling for his unconscionable views.  They were beside themselves with disgust that this rube would speak what’s on all their minds in broad daylight.

Do you know this guy?  Is this a guy?



One has to wonder just how many times these Republican’ts have illegitimately raped their wives, and their girlfriends or unsuspecting strangers before that, and their sisters and cousins before that. And how many of those illegitimately raped girls and women had enough magic bodily fluids to ward off all those pregnancies?  And how many illegitimate people are walking around using up valuable oxygen as a result of non-functioning magic fluids?  And how many of these illegitimate rape babies are now holding elected office under the Republican’t banner?  Legitimately inquiring minds want to know.

In other woman-hating news Paul Ryan, had no choice but to reluctantly join in the faux chorus of outrage against Akin.  Ryan and Akin have co-sponsored anti-woman legislation which included "forcible rape" language so they must still have feelings for each other.  Ryan has since stated that rape is simply one of many forms of conception.  And in his “mind” conception means you are automatically either a U.S. citizen with a gun license, a tax shelter and all the rights afforded thereby or a U.S. citizen who should prepare to have your voting rights denied, depending on your color and/or social status.  Ryan said, “The method of conception doesn’t change the definition of life.”  Apparently Mr. Ryan has decided he is not only Ayn Rand, but also Miriam Fucking Webster.

Wait, there’s more.  Forget about Sharia Law.  But get your secular asses ready for Mormon Law, if Willard takes the helm. Nobody does proselytizing like the Mormons. They don’t even care if you’re already dead, they’ll just sign you up anyway.  They don’t care if you were a Jew killed by Nazis.  Just like the Second Amendment jihadists are scared to death that Obama will take all their guns away, us normal folks should start worrying about all the forced conversions a (GULP!) president Willard will surely be imposing.  As comfortable as he is with illegitimate rape and all that, why would he bat an eye at making us all Mormons or even Mor(m)ons?

Romney said those who "seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God" aren't acting in line with the Founders' intent.  Romney said the Founders didn't intend for "the elimination of religion from the public square. We are a nation 'Under God, 'and in God, we do indeed trust."  A regular Nostradumbass in reverse.

The separation of church and state is enshrined in the First Amendment of the Constitution and the Federalist Papers, but Congress and the courts and myriad idiots have debated the practical extent of that separation since our nation’s founding.   Most can’t be bothered by the fact that most of the Founders were Deists not Christians.  They believed in a Supreme Being but did not believe in religion.

We are into some serious stupid here folks.  Don’t take anything for granted.  Vote early and often while you still can.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible (and illegitimate) comment invited.

Romney Shrugged...

Ayn Ryan's Express

Fantasyland

August 15, 2012

In 2005 Paul Ryan, then an up-and-coming libertarian heartthrob, attended a gathering to celebrate Ayn Rand’s 100^th birthday, which she was fortunately not around to enjoy.  Ryan offered up this heartfelt homage to his beloved inspiration, “The reason I got involved in public service, by and large, if I had to credit one thinker, one person, it would be Ayn Rand...you can’t find another thinker or writer who did a better job of describing and laying out the moral case for capitalism,” adding  “It’s so important that we go back to our roots to look at Ayn Rand’s vision, her writings, to see what our girding, under-grounding [sic] principles are.”  More recently Ryan gushed, “I give out ‘Atlas Shrugged’ as Christmas presents, and I make all my interns read it.”  For anyone keeping score, Ayn Rand makes Saul Alinsky look like Ronald Reagan.

Rand railed against Social Security and Medicare throughout her life, until she needed them.  Then she did everything she could to avail herself of them, including hiding her true identity by getting her benefits under her departed husband’s name.  Some people might consider this hypocrisy.  These people clearly don’t understand Rand’s philosophy of Objectivism “a philosophy based on objective reality.”  That objective reality, of course, is the one rattling around between Ms. Rand’s impenetrable ears and is therefore unavailable to the rest of humankind.  The rest of us can only glimpse this ruse by reading her works of fiction.  Russian ex-pat Rand, (born Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum) wrote fiction and she was fiction.  Rand was a self-serving political surrealist who believed selfishness is a virtue and that man’s “highest moral purpose is the achievement of his own happiness.”  So much for social structure.  Her ideas sound quite appealing on some level, but have no practical application in the world outside her own shoes, a world where other people might have the impertinence to exist.



Ryan didn’t have to use a pseudonym or wait until he was elderly American to take advantage of Social Security.  Ryan’s father passed away when Paul was only sixteen leaving the son with Social Security payments for the next two years, which enabled him to afford college, which enabled his political aspirations, which enabled him to spout off about killing Social Security in part by co-sponsoring George W. Bush’s so-called mandate to end the greatest social safety net.  Anyone remember how that worked out for the two of them?

I understand that a sixteen year old wouldn’t have the sophistication or foresight to turn down free money from the government he would later try to dismantle.  I assume that once he got older and became a full-fledged douchebag, slathering his affections on Ayn Rand he immediately returned the dirty money.  I could be wrong about this. 

More recently, in 2009, while Rand Ryan was squawking about the evil stimulus package, he was simultaneously petitioning the Energy Secretary for millions of stimulus dollars for his district.  I guess you call that hypocrisy rational self-interest - I know Ayn Rand would.

Now that Ryan is working his way up the food chain it is becoming clear that not everyone, that is, practically no one, other than Ron Paul who named his idiot son after her, finds Ayn Rand to be an inspiration.  So Ryan has disavowed his love for Ayn Rand in public for all to see, claiming that his unbridled devotion to Rand in an urban legend.  The extensive video record claims otherwise.



Ryan, who constantly whines about the federal deficit and has created a budget plan endorsed by the entire Republican’t party including Mutt Romney, also voted in complete lockstep with George W. Bush’s deficit ballooning policies for eight years.  Some people might consider this hypocrisy.  These people clearly don’t understand Paul Ryan’s malleable philosophy of Supply Side Objectivism - do as I say, not as I do.  Maybe Mr. Ryan, after becoming the next Sarah Palin, will immigrate to Russia and write the next great Russian novel: maybe The Emptyhead or Asshole Shrugged.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (not Ayn Rand) invited.

Romney Is As Romney Does

I did not know this...

This is not a spoof.  This is for real.  Truth is stranger than satire.

Meanwhile, turning to the present day Romney, Harry Reid continues his offensive on HMS Willard's tax history.  Reid shocked the political world by announcing that he had a secret informant, referred to only as Damp Threat, who Reid says told him that Romney (the humanoid Mor(m)on, not the ship) hadn’t paid any taxes over a ten year stretch.  The Romney camp was apoplectic, demanding that Reid “put up or shut up.”  Reid, a Mormon sporting both ‘m’s and a former boxer, sensed an opening and brushed off Romney’s limp jab.  Reid refused to back down and simply suggested Romney release the appropriate tax returns if he wanted to put the issue to rest.  Advantage Reid.

Reid continues to play it cagey on his source, dishing out details little by little.  Personally, I don’t care if his source is Ann Romney or the ghost of Hunter Thompson.  It’s time the Democrats started fighting back with the tactics that keep beating them.  The tactics perfected by Karl Rove’s mentor Lee Atwater, who plied his filth in the service of Richard Nixon, and taken to new lows by Bush’s “brain” – Rove himself.  These guys knew it didn't matter if what you said was true or not, just get it out there and let it fester.  Once the truth comes out, it's usually too late to matter.

Ed Venture reporting



Texass Strikes Again

Another One Has The Dust Bitten For Him

Death Row, TX

August 9, 2012

I guess when they say, “Don’t mess with Texas” they ain’t kiddin' - even if you’re not the least bit aware that you may have in fact messed with Texas.  But, don’t forget, execution is one of Texas’ most beloved cottage industries.  It's held in higher regard than their education industry.  Texas is still the Executions Champion, executing more people each year than any other state.  Texas out-killed their nearest competitor by 2-1 in 2011 and by more than 4-1 since 1976, being responsible for nearly 3 out of every 8 executions during that time.  Yeeehaaaaw!

This incredible record of ultimate justice is due, in no small part, to their ex-governor - the previous record-holder in executions, George W. "Let-'em-hang" Bush.  Bush The Destroyer signed off on 152 executions during his self-abbreviated tenure as chief executive of Texas.  Fortunately he didn't finish his second term and wanting to show the rest of the country that he wasn't completely heartless pardoned his first and only Death Row inmate as he began his run for president.  Said Bush recently, "That's one of my few regrets really, that and maybe not clearing enough brush while I was president. I never shoulda let that guy off the hook. I only did it so's people would think I's the kind of guy they'd like to have a beer with and maybe elect as president. If I'd a known the Supreme Court was gonna up and appoint me, I would of done things differently I think."  Bush's successor, Rick Perry, who will happily execute just about anyone, has yet to match Bush's record of killings per year but has surpassed his predecessor in sheer volume with 234 as of this moment. Except that...

Texas just executed Marvin Wilson, a man with an IQ of 61, even though the Supreme Court in 2002 ruled that executing “mentally retarded” people was unconstitutional.  The Supremes gave states some discretion to decide who qualified for protection.  Discretion is not something you think of when you think of Texas.  "Despite all the signs of Mr. Wilson's intellectual disabilities and the diagnosis of the court-appointed neuropsychologist, the District Court of Jefferson County (Texas) concluded that Mr. Wilson is not mentally retarded," an ACLU posting said, with "not" italicized for emphasis.  As difficult as this may be, perhaps we shouldn't jump to any conclusions before all the facts are in, or before we make up our own facts to make us feel better, as did the District Court of Jefferson County.  It may just be that in Jefferson County, Texas an IQ of 61 is considered exceptional.  Justice Antonin Scalia handles emergency appeals from the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which oversees Texas.  Scalia was asked for a stay of execution in this case, which he denied.  Sources say that Dick Cheney asked if he could be of any assistance.

In any event, this is a sad indictment on our entire nation, unless by some incredible stroke of luck the current idiot governor of Texas has seceded without telling us.  But perhaps the saddest part of the execution, it wasn’t the war criminal George W. Bush or Texas population control expert, Rick "I Can Only Remember Two Things At A Time" Perry.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Responsible comment (and Rick Perry's IQ certificate) invited.

Resignation Eve Is Upon Us Once Again

Hi, Ed Venture here. 

Way back in 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all.  I wasn't sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I rendered them to the best of my recollection in 2006, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep this festive tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Somebody get those damn Jews out of here!

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d”  sg, 1974

Ed Venture reporting

Enjoy this great American holiday and vote responibly in November.

Cheney v. Palin

Ex-Veep Verbally Violates Perpetually-Vexed Vixen

Half-Term Governor, Full-Time Half-Wit Comes To Defense Of Self

The Alaska Poopline

August 1, 2012

Simple Sarah is back, haunted not surprisingly, by the ghosts of vice presidents past and future.  The smell of selecting a running mate for Willard “W-2” Romney is in the air, either that or BP farted again.  That’s the ghost of vice president future.  I’m pretty sure Sarah isn’t coveting that post right now, but I could be wrong; she’s a veritable piñata of brainless baubles.  I’m sure she still expects to be asked to join the Romney ticket.  I would pay to see that.

  

However, it’s the ghost of vice president past that has the Tea Party sweetheart’s panties in a bunch, this time defending herself against Dick President, Vice Cheney.  The man-with-the-stolen-heart growled that John McCain made a mistake choosing Ms. Pinhead Palin as his running mate in 2008 adding that she wasn’t capable of being president.  Cheney should know just how important this is since he was president for at least four years after his running mate was appointed to the job by the Supreme Court.  McCain didn’t take too kindly to Cheney’s backseat driveling…four years after the fact.  McCain countered that he and Cheney “had strong disagreements as to whether we should torture people or not. I don’t think we should have.” 

As you may recall, Cheney was asked by George W. Whatever to help him find a running mate for the 2000 election appointment and Cheney found George’s running mate in Cheney’s bathroom mirror.  Who knew that Cheney had a reflection?

Petulant Pageant Participant Opens Mouth, Takes Dump

The She-Gorilla From Wasilla, never one to waste an opportunity to waste an opportunity, jumped in front of the first camera she could find, coming to her own defense as only she could.  Princess Palin vigorously refudiated the unprovoked attack perpetrated by the metastatic lesion on our nation’s history that is Dick Cheney.  “Seeing as how Dick – excuse me, Vice President Cheney – never misfires, then evidently he’s quite convinced that what he had evidently read about me by the lamestream media, having been written, what I believe is a false narrative over the last four years, evidently Dick Cheney believed that stuff and that’s a shame,”*  Palin said.  Apparently Palin’s English as a Third Language lessons are, as one might have said, if one was inclined so as if, beginning to, as it could be considered to be causing some improved ability in the speaking of it.

In Cheney’s defense, he hasn’t shot anyone in the face in several years…as far as we know.  He does after all live in Wyoming, the least populated state in the Union.  Coincidence?  If Cheney shoots someone in the face in Wyoming do they make a sound?

*really and truly an actual quote

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.