HFS

 

Jesus H. Trump

April 13, 2026

It has long and frequently been posited in this space that every insulting thing Trump says about anyone else is only and always about himself. He can barely perceive the presence of anyone else other than himself. 

It should be noted that by definition Pope Leo XIV is a devout Catholic. His brother, it turns out, is a devout MAGAt. Freedom of religion vs. freedom of derision. Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump is, if not by definition, then by everything else one of the most irreligious and unholy creatures ever to skulk the Earth.

The most recent example has Der Furor going after the first American pope via the white nationalist/racist/fascist/Nazi-infested social media pratfall...I mean platform with the Orwellian name Truth Social; it is neither at best.

Trump's lackey Sean Hannity also went after Pope Leo XIV for not understanding how violent the God of the Old Testament was and/or is (assuming "his" actual existence), which according to Hannity implies that all violence, especially Trump's, is A-OK with or without God. Trump jumped all over that shit and attempted to smite the Pope with a slurry of words, presumably from his brain, but more likely pulled from way up Trump's ass.

No need to read this, just seeing it is more than enough

Did Hannity help his pal extract these words for all to see? We may never know for sure. Hopefully.

Where Trump Thinks He Is Talking About Himself But Is Totally Not

Here is the exception that proves the rule of Trump only and always talking about himself. 

Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump posted the picture below, presumably attempting to upstage the Pope he is beefing with, while auditioning for the new gig Trump surely believes he deserves.

After pissing off just about everyone in the Christian world,
Dumb-ass Don deleted this pathetic and sickening tableau

Are we sure Donald's parents weren't first cousins? Or brother and sister? Either way, there is something very, very wrong with his very, very large uh-brain. As is said in other contexts, it's not the size that matters, it's how you use it. No matter how large Dumb Don's brain might be, it clearly does nothing other than take up space.

There are still some smart people out there

 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled swearing to God.

Broken News Late Edition – JD Strikes (Out) Again

The Best People

April 12, 2026

All the votes are in. Donald Trump…I mean Viktor Orbán, against all odds, threats and cheating Hungary’s asshole dictator has been deposed by the people of his country. Orbán was a favorite role model for America’s aspiring tyrant, who is currently the world's weakest strongman.

Not only is Trump stunned by this election, or as he prefers to call it miscarriage-of-justice, he should be very worried.

Trump’s number two (in more ways than one) JD Vance, who once called Trump “America’s Hitler” (think broken clock), and was once laid low by a donut order, and who by his very presence ended the life of Pope Francis, was sent as Trump’s emissary to give Orbán that final push over the finish line. Unfortunately for Vance that was not the finish line, it was a cliff overlooking the political abyss.

Orbán’s poll numbers just days before the election took a sizeable dip right after the dip Vance spread his special mojo all over Orbán.

But that wasn’t awl four are knew hero JD. He then jetted off to Pakistan to (pretend to) negotiate a settlement with Iran after the rogue nation fended off Trump’s ill-conceived, ill-advised, illegal attack. Vance had help though – two fake real estate mongrels, Jared Son-in-law, and Trump’s old buddy and professional idiot Steve Witkoff. 

None of these nitwits has a moment’s experience with international negotiations. The closest Vance ever came to foreign relations was fucking an imported couch. Trump’s three stooges, not to be confused with the original Three Stooges, who served an actual purpose, spent 21 hours watching the Iranian negotiators desperately trying to stifle laughs. Then the Americans tucked their heads between their knees and crawled back home to Demented Daddy Don.

You would think that having to spend 21 hours with Vance could get anyone to agree to anything just to end the encounter.

Trump is now a cornered, rabid racoon – and not just because of his undyed eyes in that burnt umber background. It is possible that even he can see the writing on the wall. He can’t read it, but he has probably had someone read it to him. So there is no telling what he will try in order to avoid the humiliating thrashing that appears to be looming.

What happens next is anybody’s nightmare.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled stress baking.

Question For The Day – Who’s Lying Now?

You Can’t Spell Melania Without Lie-a

April 12, 2026

Many were shocked by the Worst Lady suddenly appearing on the TV telling the American public to, and I’m paraphrasing here, shut the fuck up right this minute about her having anything to do with the reviled (except by Donald) child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein – her husband’s long-time best friend, who according to sources introduced the two while Epstein was raping children and Donald was still married to the woman he cheated on his first wife (who is now buried at one of Trump’s golf courses) with. The current, and hopefully last of Donald’s wives (if you get my drift) insisted, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, she never had sex with…I mean “a relationship” with Epstein or Ghislaine Maxwell.

The Happy Quouple

Mrs. Trump comically talked about lies and ethical standards aimed at her oh-so-innocent (except for “allegedly” entering this country illegally and knowingly marrying one of the most disgusting, dishonest, dirty-dealing douchebag this country has ever seen) life. To be fair, she acted as though she was very sincere.

Good thing they redacted the ‘To’ and ‘From’ names
Ghislaine Maxwell and Melania Trump

Mr. Trump claimed he was completely taken by surprise by his wife’s sudden decision to stand in front of the camera and desperately attempt to speak English, and to lie as well as her long-estranged husband.

Today’s Question For The Day:

Is it possible that Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump might be lying?

Bonus Question:

Is it possible that there is anything out of Trump’s mouth that is not a lie?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

Pic Of The Day – Killing Us Not-So-Softly

The Kill Is Coming From Inside The (Remains Of The White) House

April 11, 2026

“Hair” Mousse-olini

“Mr. president, sir, can you tell us what you consider to be the greatest threat to America?”

This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic Of The Day.

Broken Noise – Lady Lie

*

That’s Why The Lady Is A Trump

April 10, 2026

Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump launched his illegal, ill-advised, ill-conceived, unprovoked and ultimately disastrous excursion incursion war against Iran and the rest of the world in no small part to distract from his ubiquitous presence in the

Donald trump memorial Epstein files

and perhaps to use the way the Artemis II space capsule used the Moon – to slingshot them back toward the Earth – to slingshot his drain-swirling political status toward holding Congress in the November election.

Funny story: Trump’s former “escort”, then mistress, then wife/fellow grifter Melania, who after all these years in America still can barely speak the language (though to be fair, she does rival Imelda Marcos for number of shoes), and speaks publicly about as often as long-time mime Clarence Thomas, decided, out of nowhere, to deny any “relationship with Epstein or his accomplice Maxwell”. The latter referred to Trump’s third wife as “Sweet Pea” in an email exchange during which the future Mrs. Trump signed off “Love, Melania”.

Are the Trumps now using the

Donald trump memorial Epstein files

to distract everyone from the pathetic “foot-shot” as one retired general described Trump’s pathetic Operation Epic Failure, which left the formerly free and open Strait of Hormuz under the total and absolute control of Iran? And from the fact that the replacement of the Supreme Leader of Iran that Trump killed – that son-of-an-Ayatollah – is more of a hardliner than his father and still in possession of all the nuclear material he had before Trump’s failed attack? Well done, sir.

Inquiring minds don’t give a flying fuck; just get these two sociopathic criminals out of the Remains of The White House before it and this nation fall into ruins. After this disgraceful war, it will take Iran decades to rebuild their physical infrastructure, while America will take decades to rebuild our reputation, our Constitution and our democracy.

One other note: Melania’s pre-emptive mea culpa regarding her relationship with Epstein, who by third-party accounts introduced the then-married/cheating Trump to his next wife, is about as believable as her husband’s claim that gas prices are going down very quickly. Or that he defeated Iran (he defeated America).

Sing along with me…

The wheels on the bus are falling off, falling off, falling off,
the wheels on the bus are falling off, all the live-long day.

Just for the record, Mrs. Jeffrey Epstein Trump is far and away the most unpopular first lady in history. She is truly the Worst Lady. Here are the numbers.

Stay tuned for further lies, distractions and treason from the Worst Couple.

_______________________________________________
*Hey Melania, this bird’s for you! Thank you (and fuck you) for your attention to this matter.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken Noise report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled schadenfreude.

Thought For The Day – Inconceivable

I. Nigo Montoya

April 9, 2026

It’s official. Donald “Death-To-America” Trump is a war criminal. Threatening to blow up power plants, water treatment plants and bridges is a war crime. Threatening genocide against a population, while not anything new in the history of the American government, is a war crime. Backing down from insane threats like those just described, does not negate the commission of the war crimes being threatened. Oh, and blowing up a girl’s school is a war crime – Trump did that on the first day of his illegal war.

By the way, Dry-Drunk Hegseth bellowing about showing “no mercy, no quarter” against enemies in war is also intent to commit a war crime.

Trump’s actions are now on our permanent record. There is no way of telling how long it will take to rebuild America’s reputation, however problematic it might have been before it (I hesitate to use the personal pronoun “we” since most of us did not vote for this sociopathic shit weasel) elected an absolute monster who is killing this country.

To be fair, Donald Trump is not Hitler… he just wants to be.

WARNING: SATIRE

Hello, my name is I. Nigo Montoya. You killed my country. Prepare to die.

Donald, you keep using words. I do not think

you know what the fuck you are talking about.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

Another Dead Deadline

April 8, 2026

What a non-surprise. Another Trump fake deadline has come and gone. Only time will tell how much of his excuse for chickening out on his threatened genocide in Iran has anything to do with reality. All we know for sure is that Trump caved and tossed us another “two-week” wait-and-fucking-see.

The banner above, like its predecessor hoisted so very wrongly and stupidly by the former worst president in American history George WTF Bush, completely misses the mark. Donald “Death-To-America” Trump’s “excursion” into Iran accomplished less than nothing. It has left the world worse off by giving Iran what they would likely never have gotten without this insane escapade perpetrated by an American madman. The wholly unchanged regime (except for the new regime being even worse than the one Trump bombed away) in Iran has rightly claimed victory in a war they did not start and did not provoke. They now control the Strait of Hormuz, which was not the case prior to what historians will call Trump’s Fucking Folly.

Trump’s ballistic buffoonery has also left a permanent Grand-Canyon-sized scar on this nation’s history – an American president has threatened “a whole civilization will die tonight”.

This stupid war was in no small part meant to distract the American public from the

Donald trump memorial Epstein files

but it harkens back to old joke that in order to take one’s mind off of a pounding headache a friend would stomp on his foot. In this case, in order to take America’s mind off the

Donald trump memorial Epstein files

headache, Trump, instead of stomping on our foot, caused America to have a massive heart attack.

We here at Paying Attention join most of America and even more of the rest of the world in saying

Fuck you Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump, and the whores you rode in on.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

 

Letter To The Predator

April 7, 2026

Donald “Death-To-America-And-Potentially-Everyone-Else” Trump’s ultimatum for Iran is up in about 90 minutes, so by the time you read this we could all be dead. Or wishing we were.

Don Trump, September 14, 2025 “Liberation Day”

Dear Don:

Funny story – hardly anybody likes you Donald. And most people who say they do are just using you like the tool you are.

And it's not just the vast majority of Americans who hate your putrid, rotting guts. Most people all over the world think you are not just shit, but a fifty-gallon drum of bloody diarrhea. Canada, one of the nicest countries on the plant, despises you. Greenland and Denmark think you are a psychotic fucking asshole - but only because you are. All the people across the globe who depended on the USAID program for food and medical assistance, the ones who have not already died thanks to you, want you to go away to a farm upstate. All of Europe wants you gone for aiding and abetting Putin's attempted march through Ukraine to get to Europe.

And let us not forget the people of Iran, most of whom, like most of us, despise their current leadership, and who you in your infinite bullshit claimed to care about before and during your unprovoked, illegal and senseless bombing of their country, and now your threat to wipe them all out of existence croaking that “a whole civilization will die tonight”. Way to win hearts and minds ya big dumb fuck. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Are you planning to use a nuke? Are you out of your tiny, disintegrating mind? Do you even know what a 'civilization' is?

For the record, civilized people are opposed to the war crimes you are planning to commit tonight. You are not well. You never were, but now you have crossed every line that has ever been drawn. If you follow through on this threat, we will all pay the price for a very long time.

You need help. The kind of help that only a mortician can provide.

_________________________________________
*As always, the full context does not make it any better. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.

Thought For The Day – Trump v. Iran (And America)

Suicide To America*

April 7, 2026

Not only is Trump waging war on Iran, with no plan, no preparation and no reason, he is simultaneously waging war on America. Trump and his farting monkeys, in the lead-up to whittling our munitions and military equipment down to nothing, spent their time gutting every aspect of our military intelligence (to be fair, this administration despises intelligence of any kind), our cyber-defense, the security of all military bases within easy striking distance of Iran’s missiles, and many other aspects of military readiness. We should probably be grateful Trump is not actively bombing Washington, DC...yet. He's saving that for the election.

Now, I am not a big fan of the military or what they are used for, but I’ll be the first to admit that it might be a good idea to have the best military possible when a rogue American, let’s call it president, declares war on a country that already sponsors more terrorist organizations than any other, starts bombing the living shit out of that country, threatens that country’s very existence and disrespects the deity of their incredibly humorless religion.

Just sayin’.

“I am ready to do war crimes like nobody has ever seen before.”

Traitor Trump and Hiccup Hegseth are planning to send even more of our fellow Americans into harm’s way in the Middle East, having already moved 50,000 into the region. You can be sure that when they march into Tehran they will be greeted as liver haters.

_______________________________________________
*The death threat to America is coming from inside the house…the White House, that is.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.
We beg your pardon, we never promised you a paved-over Rose Garden.