You
Can’t Even See The Ventriloquist’s Lips Move
May 8, 2026
In an extremely
unusual move, the Lyin’ King took the advice of someone other than the voices
in his head and did not deliver the following message, one that he proudly
boasted he wrote all by himself. “I don’t need Stephen Miller to make me sound
psychotic and stupid” is what he reported told the naysayers while defending
the piece. He even signed it, so it might eventually show up in his “presidential”
“library” – in a room between the one featuring all the stolen classified
documents and one dedicated to his 34 felony convictions.
Our intrepid intern
Abbie Normal was at the right place at the right time and intercepted a copy,
and we bring it to you now…
He looks perfectly fine
I need people,
especially the lunatic vermin on the Radical Left and the America-hating, enemy
of the people media to stop accusing me of saying things that I said. Just because
it’s on video, they assume it was me saying what I said. They said I said “Maybe
we don’t need to make a deal”. So what if I did. That doesn’t mean I said it or
meant it.
I’m working 24, 28,
sometimes 30 or more hours a day dealing with the Uraniums. The Uraniums don’t
want to make a deal because they say they don’t trust me. They constantly call
me when I’m busy working on my illegal ballroom to beg me to make a deal, but I
have all the cards. And I’m keeping them. I won’t deal.
From the Remains of The White House (I kid you not)*
The oranges of this
problem go way back to Barack Hussein Obama, who told the Ali Baba to keep the
damn hostages. He told the Uraniums, “Keep the damn hostages. See if I care.
And maybe I’ll pay you a billion dollars in a few years. You think you hate America?
Hold my beer.” That’s exactly what he said. Nobody talks about this. They just
want to talk about that Epstein guy, who I never even met.
And people keep
putting worms in my mouth. I always had the best worms, so don't believe
anything anyone else tells you I said. If you listen to them, nothing good can
happen, only can bad happen.
The first thing I
will do to begin my next term – third or fourth, depending on how you look at
it – is sign an executive order repealing the Thirteenth Amendment. America is
so great that racism is a thing of the past. Just ask Roberts, Alito and Thomas.
Since there is no more racism, we have no need for this amendment. Just like
the 18th was repealed by the 21st. I know more of the amendments than anyone. I
know at least five hundred, eight hundred, possibly even a thousand percent of
them.
I am looking forward
to starting another term as your favorite president of all time in 2020, or 28
or 31, or we might just extend this one until I get tired of all the winning. Elections
are for suckers. Viktor Orban proved that. So, we’ll just have to wait and see
how it goes.
I have the best balls
and I’m building the best room for them, so there’s no way I can leave until
this very important task is completed and America is safe again.
Thank you for your
attention to this monster.**
____________________________________________
*This is your president on drugs. And what the fuck kind of cards does he
have? Uno?
**This might not be an actual quote.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
war that's not a war.
