Persian Diversion Excursion

All The Noise That’s Fucked To Print

March 11, 2026

Many people are saying things. Some people are doing things. Some of those things are based on the things they said. Some of those things are based on things other people said. It all adds up to a rollicking good fucking time…for someone. Probably not you. Definitely not me.

Sky News reporter: Is Russia going to be neutral in this?

Russian ambassador to the UK: We are not neutral. No, we are not neutral. We are supportive to Iran, of course. And we consider, as I have said, very negatively what is being done.

U.S. ambassador to the UN Mike Waltz: If they are providing anything, it certainly hasn’t been very effective.

Trump’s longtime friend/idiot/special envoy to bend over for Russia Steve Witkoff: Yesterday on the call with the president, the Russians said that they have not been sharing. That’s what they said, so we can take them at their word.

Damaged Don: We want them to have a good leader. We have some people who I think would do a good job. We have some people who think I would do a good job.

A good leader is not the only thing Don wants for Iran. El Trumpo is planning to help fund Iran’s war effort. Yes, you heard that right. This was previously shared in this space by way of footnote. This has taken on a larger life and is directly related to the above quote by the Russian ambassador to the UK.

Drool, Baby Drool

It seems that Drooling Don determined it would be easier to attack everyone who has oil – except of course Russia – than to waste all that time dredging up domestic oil…for now. First Venezuela, then Iran. Despite all this, those clearly not in the know are looking into tapping into our Strategic Oil Reserves

Trump, the lone individual responsible for cutting off the flow of oil through the Strait of Hormuz, has just figured out that stopping oil shipments through the straits, causes oil shipments through the strait to stop. Not to be out-dumbed, Trump decided to lift the oil embargo on Russia. Russia, was, as everyone living and dead knows, instrumental in getting Trump elected in 2016. Now that they have their stooge (apologies to stooges everywhere) where they need him to be, they are publicly making it clear that they will not support their mentally challenged plant in his stupid war against Iran.

So what we have here is Trump blowing shit up, then realizing there are consequences to blowing that shit up, and like the Titanic approaching its nemesis iceberg, does not have the wherewithal to change direction. As if that was not bad enough, Trump is now funding the Iranian war effort via Russian oil assets that Trump is personally ensuring can resume by ending the embargo.

Was Trump’s invasion of Iran just for Russia’s benefit? Did Donny want to burn up our munitions so we don’t have any to sell Ukraine? Why did Doomsday Don call Putin for an hour without telling anyone? We only learned about the call because the Russians told everyone.

The call was followed by a golf-side chat, where our part-time-war-time president finally lowered himself to address the American people and explain what his fucking war was all about. Apparently he learned a new word first – “excursion”. One definition of ‘excursion’ is “pleasure trip.” So now we know how Good-Time Donny likes to spend other people’s time. Unfortunately, he has to personally sit this one out on account of bone spurs. But, he’s happy to enjoy his pleasure trip vicariously.

Here’s The Worst-Case Scenario You Ordered, Sir

“I guess the worst case would be we do this, and then somebody takes over who’s as bad as the previous person, right? That could happen. We don’t want that to happen. That would probably be the worst. You go through this and then in five years you realize you put somebody in who was no better.”*
                              Dumb-old Trump, March 3, 2026

 The war is “very complete, pretty much”

Oh, and as predicted Der Furor pronounced his war, I’m sorry, excursion, “very complete, pretty much” despite the fact that what he described as the “worst-case” scenario – the replacement of a nasty supreme leader by a nastier supreme leader in Iran – having come to pass very quickly. And despite Dry-drunk Pete barking, “This is only just the beginning.”

It is probably time to stop messing around and just have everyone wrap their lips around a nearby exhaust pipe. Why drag this out. It’s time to let the rest of creation live in health and peace.

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*Who knew Donny could be so efficient? It only took five days.

I. Mangrey reporting something that has nothing to do with the

Donald Trump memorial EPSTEIN FILES

FJB*

WARNING: This was written a month ago, but circumstances preempted its publishing. In accordance with our No Post Left Behind policy, it appears now (with minor edits)…

Yeah, I need to return these to Amazon

Is Being A Soulless Greedy Prick A Choice?

March 10, 2026

We will return to As The World Turns…To Shit tomorrow, but other (de)pressing stories have kidnapped our attention. First, a word from our sponsor

Donald Trump memorial EPSTEIN FILES^*

The Epstein Files: one cannot help but wonder how many times the Clintons appear in Trump’s-best-friend-for-more-than-a-decade’s millions of documents. We know that Donny appears tens-of-thousands of times** – more than anyone not named Jeffrey Epstein. And yet, the Fascist/Trump/ICE Party dragged the Clintons in to testify.

Now, back to the non-pedophile-and-his-best-bud news…

Just by virtue of funding the MELANIA movie to the tone-deaf tune of $75M, Jeff Bezos should be arrested tried, then tarred and feathered. Once a week.

Full Disclosure: I did not see the “filim” as the worst lady calls it, but I did sit through the entire trailer and had to be hospitalized for several days for what turned out to be several cracked ribs that resulted from literally busting a gut laughing.

Oh, and double-fuck Jeff Bozos, since his $75M bribe in the form of the MELANIA filim was not enough ass kissing, he just fired more than 300 journalists – one third of the staff – from his Washington Post for not supporting the Trump Reich.

Bezos, who has more money than God, was initially a staunch defender of the United States during Trump’s first term/attempt to kill democracy. Bezos bought the Post, saying that cutting staff would lead to extinction, and championed his new toy. Since then, Bezos has had his easily-inserted head so far up Trump’s ass, in order to protect his massive fortune, he now needs to pay a price for his growing list of crimes against America. It started with Bezos not allowing the Post to endorse Kamala Harris in the 2024 election.

My first thought was to boycott Amazon, which is becoming all but impossible for most folks. I might have a better idea, which will allow for less personal sacrifice for those of us who find the prices and convenience hard to resist.

I think that we should all constantly buy things from Amazon and then return them. As often as possible. I’m pretty sure that by dramatically ramping up the volume of returns, if millions of people keep it up for a period of time, it has to start effecting his bottom line.

Unfortunately, he will then likely raise prices. Then the boycott.

I think you can have items picked up, or easily dropped off at certain locations – Whole Foods and Kohl’s, that I know of. If a few people do it, this could be fun. If a few hundred people do it, it might have some effect. But if thousands and thousands of people do it, it would be a movement – the Paying Attention™, anti-Jeff Bezos, anti-democracy-masacree movement. Let’s start small, see how easy it is and then expand into bigger-ticket items. There are plenty of small things with big price tags, and maybe we could gum up the works.

_______________________________________________
*Fuck Jeff Bezos.
**Man, whatever is in those files must really be bad for old Fartenstein, because his flying monkeys are really working their little tails off trying to figure out how to protect him from letting the public in on it.
***Not nearly as many as the number of people he killed during COVID, but still a lot – estimates have the number at 38,000 times, which is around the same number of lies he has told as president (in the past month that number has been changed to around 1,000,000 times). That’s not counting the millions of pages still under wraps, presumably in Trump’s bathroom. Or the unknown number of files that have been destroyed by Trump's people.

I. Mangrey suggesting.

The Reverse Affordability President

Let Them Eat Cat

March 10, 2026

Oh, and this fake war is costing those of us who pay taxes – unlike the filthy rich who get repeated tax breaks they do not need – a minimum of one billion dollars a day. That’s billion, with a what-the-fuck. And we are still paying off trillions of dollars in George WTF Bush’s similarly stupid, illegal, unprovoked and ultimately disastrously failed war in Iraq.

Add to this the immediate domestic war dividend of skyrocketing gas prices,* which is already causing price increases across the board. This goes perfectly with the massive job losses the president who never had a job in his miserable life-of-crime is overseeing…and overlooking.

Tariff Tommy had this to say about the very predictable hike in gas prices that resulted from attacking Iran and the equally predictable blockade of the Straits of Hormuz

“I don’t have any concern about it [higher gas prices]. They’ll drop very rapidly when this is over [just like COVID magically disappeared after a week or so], and if they rise, they rise, but this [my illegal, unnecessary war with Iran] is far more important than having gasoline prices go up a little bit [or even a lot – already up by more than 15%].” (mostly an actual quote)
                   Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump, March 6, 2026

So don’t worry, Der Leader and his ever-smiley billionaire cabinet seem very unconcerned about such things. They will be just fine. And, they insist, so will we…one day. For now, just go out and get your piece of chicken, your piece of broccoli, your big, beautiful tortilla...and one other thing. But you’ll need to have it delivered because now, in addition to health care and medication, electricity and sufficient food, you won’t be able to afford gas.

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*Trump’s brilliant idea for this? Lift sanctions on Russian oil, which will aid Russia’s war effort against Ukraine and enable Russia to continue assisting Iran in the war Trump started with them. Ahhh, the inexorable circle of death.

I. Mangrey, reporting affordably.
                                                                                                                   

Headline Of The Day – Rats In The Belfry

Bugs Donny   

March 9, 2026

From Crooks & Liars:

And that’s just the clientele. The rest of the place is a bug and rat-infested, shoddily-built, poorly-kept, cheap piece of shit…just like its owner, with a laundry list of violations…just like its owner.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Headline Of The Day.

Tragical Misery Tour

Hope For The Best, Expect The Worst

March 9, 2026

While Trump puts Americans in America at significant risk for another 9/11* or maybe just a bunch of smaller ones, not to mention the fact that Iran has a peerless cyberwar capability, the Fascist/Trump/Epstein administration continues to reduce our ability to monitor, prevent or even respond to whatever is surely coming next.

Trump has gutted FEMA, he has gutted the intelligence of the intelligence community, especially cyber security. Our standing in the world is the lowest in our history; our allies cannot trust us, or trust that we will not turn on them. Trump has gutted our diplomatic corps; we have very few Senate-confirmed ambassadors in the Middle East. Trump’s stupid, illegal, unprovoked and unnecessary* war is rapidly depleting our supply of military weapons, though ICE has all the guns and ammo they need. 

Russia and China are chomping at the bit to take advantage of our weakened, unprepared state to do whatever they want on the world stage. They are intent on finishing their purge of anyone with a brain or historical knowledge of how things work and happen.

Donny Dickhead having a good laugh about his war

This administration is much better prepared to kill American citizens than it is to protect us. And the former five-time draft dodger seems bent on depleting our troops, as he repeatedly teases sending them into harm’s way, as his shock-and-awe morphs into shucks-and-oops. To Trump it’s all just a video game he just watches, without even touching his joystick. The only thing that hasn’t been gutted is Trump. His gut is getting bigger and is doing all his decision-making.

Not to mention that Iranians, particularly those who have been in power since the last asshole we picked to run that country was overthrown in 1979, have very long memories. Longer than we or anyone any of us has ever known have been alive. Trump will be dead soon, certainly sooner than the expiration date on the Iranian revenge that is brewing, but clearly, not soon enough. Naturally, we all wish him the best health he deserves.

Coincident with Trump’s attack on Iran, this from Thom Hartmann, who sees a scenario similar to 2001 and the failing presidency of George WTF Bush in the run-up to the 9/11 attacks that conveniently catapulted his failing poll numbers from the thirties into the nineties.

“Kash Patel, Trump’s FBI director, has fired or reassigned almost the entire FBI team responsible for tracking Iranian threats inside the United States. The specialists who spent years building intelligence networks to monitor Iranian-linked operatives on American soil have been purged from the agency, fired unceremoniously…

Ask yourself why. Why would a president who just bombed Iran simultaneously gut the very intelligence infrastructure built by previous administrations to detect and prevent Iranian retaliation? Why would you poke a hornet’s nest and then fire the guy with the EpiPen?

Unless you wanted to get stung…

This is not some wacky conspiracy theory: it’s simply pattern recognition.”

When asked about the risk of attacks on home soil, Der Furor croaked**

“I guess. But I think they’re worried about that all the time. We think about it all the time. We plan for it. But yeah, you know, we expect some things. Like I said, some people will die. When you go to war, some people will die.”
                   Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump, March 6, 2026

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and dead inside knowing that our dear president won’t lose any sleep-during-meetings over this.

We are, as the French say, fucked.

KIA so far: 7

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*Possibly on purpose in order to declare a national emergency to head off the midterm elections and/or save his tanking popularity.
**If only.

 I. Mangrey reporting.

Headline Of The Day – A Reverse Dangerfield

He Gives No Respect

March 8, 2026

What’s with the lame fucking baseball hat, asshole?
And do you an JD have broken necks and can't bow your fat heads?

Leave it to old “Suckers-and-Losers” Donald to undignify the Dignified Transfer of the soldiers he caused to be dead. Imagine, one day this POtuS will be buried in a flag-draped coffin after lying in state in the Capitol Rotunda. If we’re lucky, he’ll insist on switching the ceremony to Mor-on-Lago so he can make money off the real suckers and losers who attend. Either way, the basic idea is a winner.

KIA so far: 7

This has been your Paying Attention™ Headline Of The Day.

Broken Hearts – All Folks Must Pass

So Long And Thanks For All The Fucks

March 8, 2026

Country Joe McDonald, R.I.P.

A great American patriot, singer and songwriter known to most as Country Joe McDonald has left us. Country Joe died yesterday at the age of 84. Country Joe and the Fish burst onto the scene after their appearance at the Woodstock Music and Arts Festival in Bethel, New York in 1969. The most memorable song came during Joe’s solo set. It was his beloved Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-To-Die-Rag.

An early Vietnam vet, Joe sang about the war, those who served and about environmental issues throughout his long career.

Take a few minutes and sing along with Country Joe and the largest crowd in music history

Country Joe McDonald, Woodstock, August 16, 1969

I-Feel-Like-I’m-Fixin’-To-Die-Rag

Country Joe McDonald – Save The Whales!

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News Hearts report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled life. 

Radio WTAF – Happy International Women's Day

Here For The Ladies

Ariel Baddass back on the air

Hey ladies and germs – no offense – I decided to take a chance and sneak into the studio to spin some tunes while everyone is distracted by the war and the better-late-than-never departure of Killer Kristi. She’s off the head up a brand-new, non-existent, I want to say department? Squad? Book club? Mirage? Whatever. Good riddance. Oh, and who could forget the Epstein Files. Cough 'em up Donny boy.

There is so much shit hitting so many fans it’s hard to catch one’s breath these days. I’ve been hiding out, and will resume doing so until it’s safe to walk the streets again. Hopefully, you’re getting ready for NO KINGS 3.0 coming up soon – on March 28^th – I might sneak out for that one.

 For now, we are taking a break from Trump’s toxic testosterone-tainted tragedy tour to celebrate International Women’s Day and Women’s History Month. We hope you enjoy this musical interlude, and a few deep breaths while we await the next worst thing ever from our inestimable Pecker-in-chief. What will he not bother thinking, but doing anyway next?

Sarah McLachlan – Building A Mystery

Bonnie Raitt – Love Me Like a Man

Here’s a lady – one of the best and least-known jazz pianist of all time

Jessica Williams – Cheesecake

And here’s whole bunch of amazing young ladies you probably don’t know

Jazz Avengers – #1 J-Funk

Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves

Okay, what celebration of the fairer, smarter, stronger sex would be complete without raking the old pussy-grabbing rapist over the coals a bit…

Paula Poundstone

Have a great day.

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk

The Eyeless Leading The Blind

When we last met – and it seems like only yesterday, or maybe today, who can even tell anymore – we were talking about entitlement. Specifically, Trump’s imagined entitlement to run for a totally unconstitutional third (or as Trump likes to delude himself, fourth) term. No! Bad dog!

Trump’s Motto (which only applies to himself): Take what you need and take the rest.

Don is also not entitled to have any say as to Iran’s next leader. What does he think this is Celebrity Ayatollah? America’s Next Ayatollah? 

“You’re the new Ayatollah!” 

Trump said his main concern was freedom for the Iranian people, and that he wanted to make Iran a “safe” place. Then this happened over the course of a few days…

“Our objective is to defend the American people by eliminating imminent threats from the Iranian regime.”
                                   Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump

“Iran does pose an imminent and direct threat to the United States.”    
                   Remains of the White House spokes-liar Karoline Levitt      

“This is not a so-called regime-change war.”
                     War-fighting war fighter in make-up Pete Hegseth

“We had to remove a murderous regime.”
                       Soon-to-be-DHS secretary Markwayne Mullin

“This isn’t about regime change.”
                       Soon-to-be-DHS secretary Markwayne Mullin

“Iran can’t have a nuclear weapon, that would be a military objective.”  
                               #1 Trump fellater JD Vance

“We knew that there was going to be an Israeli action.”
                           Secretary of Spineless Marco Rubio

“No, I might have forced their hand.”
                               Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump

“If we didn’t win, within two weeks they would have had a nuclear weapon.”
              Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump (Ah, the old “two-week” gambit.)

“We’re not at war right now.”
                              Squeaker of the House Mike Johnson

“We didn’t start this war.”
                                 Holy war enthusiast Pete Hegseth

“This isn’t a war. We’re not at war with Iran.”
                        Soon-to-be-DHS secretary Markwayne Mullin
                       (to be fair, Mullin said “that was a misspoke”)

“I needed a war to distract everyone from my neck-deep involvement with Jeffrey Epstein, my grifting, my disastrous economy, the murderous ICE
agents doing what I asked, and my historically bad poll numbers.”
                                         The god’s honest truth

“As it turns out, Donald Trump poses an imminent and direct threat to the United States. He is already in possession of nuclear weapons. We did not start this war, but we damn well need to finish it. It is time for regime change.”

                              I. Mangrey, democracy enthusiast

Trump regretfully prepares to pull himself away from critical meeting on college athletes to deal with less important nonsense that makes him laugh…

“I have to go back and look at the war.”

Der Furor was upset at a Fux Noos reporter for asking “stupid question” about Russia providing targeting intel to Iran, which Trump said was “much easier” than dealing with the issue at hand – pay for college athletes. Especially since Trump had to take time away from even more important issues like golfing and staring out the window imagining his big, beautiful Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom.

Many people are saying Trump is incapable of forming a coherent strategy, as evidenced above. Well, yeah, he is incapable of forming a coherent sentence.

Whatever bullshit fucking excuse he or his pathetic posse poses post-emptively, Trump has launched his war with Iran having absolutely no plan for the afterlife…I mean, aftermath.

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*Pretty impressive considering Donny Boy said he obliterated their entire program just a few months ago.

I. Mangrey reporting. I'll see myself out.