Broken News – She Seems Noise…I Mean Nice

Ain’t She Sweet?*

October 14, 2026

The Lecher-in-chief finally settled on a new press model secretary. She claims, without any proof, to be an attorney and lied about passing the bar in China, which is not allowed. Off to a very Trumpy start.

Introducing...Katie Zacharia

Clearly more teeth than brains

Zacharia delivered the blondest…I mean briefest briefing ever. She had no idea what she was doing, could barely read what was written for her and at one point said “my president” when she meant “my husband”. I wonder why Ivanka’s dad/stalker picked her.

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*No, just dim.
 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled dumb blonde joke.

Quote Of The Day – The (Not So) Great Unwashed

Thanks For Sharing   

October 14, 2026

“I don’t think I’ve washed my hands for ten years.”
“Germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them therefore they’re not real.”
Pete Hegseth, while co-hosting Fox and Friends (Weekend)
(actual quotes)

Don’t believe me?

Wow! Ignorant and proud of it.

In his defense, there is a 90% chance he was drunk when those words made it past Pete Hairgel’s liquor-loving, looney-toon lips.

And there’s no way he can wash his hair; no shampoo could penetrate all that greasy prick stuff locking his hairs in place. Was he in Devo?

And a pig

This has been your Paying Attention™ Quote Of The Day.

Lord Of The AIs

October 13, 2026

The Last Stupor

Trump dined with a bunch of tech bros to hand them the keys to Armageddon. Tuesday’s gathering included a who’s who of the tech world, including (L to R above) Advanced Micro Devices CEO Lisa Su, Palantir CEO Alex Karp, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang, Alphabet CEO Sundar Pichai, Amodei, SpaceX and Tesla CEO Elon Musk, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella and OpenAI President Greg Brockman.

As a result of this gathering of ghouls, these titans of treachery and tech terror have graciously agreed to police themselves as they rush blindly from our dystopian present to our dystopianer future. Their altruism knows no bounds. Actually, it knows no existence. But why quibble.

They sure clean up nice

Here’s what Artificial Donnie had to say after his secret meeting with lords of the Ais

“There’s a belief that there should be tremendous self-regulation, and we automatically have regulation with the Department of Justice, the FBI, all of that.”*

“But the self-regulation is very important.”**

“I’m seeing tremendous self-policing, and they understand that they have to self-police.”***

Yeah, that’s what we all want. A bunch of greedy, power-hungry, socially-disabled uber-nerds with trillions of dollars-worth of conflicts of interest overseeing themselves as they dismantle society and humanity itself.

Tweety Turd posted this on his failed Twitter knock-off site

He didn’t name it Trump Intelligence because even he knows there’s no such thing

Not to be impertinent, but fuck that Super Shit. We have the best idea for what to call the new super, artificial threat to the survival of humanity: Alternative Intelligence. This will be very strongly and powerfully accepted. Everyone knows this. And anyone who doesn’t agree with this can call it something else. Anything but Super Intelligence.

But wait, there’s more…

Not only that, but AI megalomaniac and international man-about-neo-Nazis Elon Murk is part of Piss-Drunk Pete Hegseth’s new Trimuverats at the Pentagon – and Pete is not hiring these clods-in-creeps’-clothing to work in his Pentagon make-up suite. 

Some goofy guy, Newt Gingrich and Elon Murk, reporting for Petey

These three nitwit misfits are going to be Hegseth’s top consultants on actual military issues. They will surely end Trump’s Iran war…or kill us trying. They will not however interfere in any way with Donnie’s war against America. We’ll have to do that for ourselves.

One More Thing

Let us not forget about the

Donald Trump Memorial Jeffrey Epstein Files

They’re still out these…we think.

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*Said the guy who’s been making a fortune from being president, which many people believe is illegal.
**Said the guy with least amount of self-control in the history of humankind, who is completely unregulated.
***Said the guy who doesn’t understand anything whatsoever.

I. Mangrey reporting. You got a better idea?

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day

Just Had To Share

October 12, 2026

From Marty Two Bulls...

Yeah, what he said.

Arschloch* Of The Day – Piss-Drunk Pete

Suck Heil

October 12, 2026

If you have not yet witnessed Secretary of Failed War, Hairgel, and Monumental Macho Stupidity’s new Nazi-themed logo, here’s your big chance to be nauseated.

In case you need more context…

And inspiration for Putrid Pete

These Nazi-loving fascist fucks have got to go.

VOTE!

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*German for Asshole.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Arschloch Of The Day.

Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

Uncle Festering Speaks

October 11, 2026

“Then I found out that they impeached me twice, and I certainly, even to this moment, I can do whatever I want if I want.”
                          Don Trump, October 7, 2026

This POtuS can’t even say what he says he says the right way the right way. Even if he wants to want to.

And wait – “Then I found out that they impeached me twice.” Huh? You found out? How did you find out? Did someone write you a note on your toilet paper? When did you find out? Last week? Yesterday? Did Nurse Natalie draw you a picture?

Also, Donald “Death-To-America” Trump is not giving up on the Nobel Peace Prize and is making what could be his biggest claim yet on why he believes he deserves the honor.

Trump does deserve the No Balls Putz Prize

“There’s never been anybody in the history of the Nobel Prize that deserves it more,” Trump said. “I settled eight wars. I stopped the total obliteration of the world because Iran will never have a nuclear weapon.”

Never is a long time. Especially since Mr. Peace Prize has made it imperative that Iran protect itself from the only country to ever deploy such a weapon, the same country whose completely insane and wantonly violent leader repeatedly threatens to annihilate Iran.

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*As always, the full context does not make it any better. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.

PLEASE DON’T LOOK AWAY

Demented Don Doing Disastrous Damage Daily

October 10, 2026

I’ll bet that when you drive past a traffic accident you look to see what happened, especially if you’re in the passenger seat, but probably even if you’re driving. Donald Trump has driven a metaphorical semi filled with explosives (think Timothy McVeigh – the very white Oklahoma City bomber that killed 168 innocent people including women and children) straight into the heart of our democracy, not to mention our economy, social fabric and standing in the world, which are all currently in flames on the side of the road, so

PLEASE DON’T LOOK AWAY

I know this is all incredibly painful to attend to. So much. So often. So sickening.

              PLEASE DON’T LOOK AWAY

I know you can’t take the constant insanity, now with more executions. I know you need to think about something else. Cat videos. Kenny G. Rent-A-Coma. Take some you-time for sure. Do nice things for yourself and others. Think some happy thoughts, but

                            PLEASE DON’T LOOK AWAY

You owe it to yourself, we owe it to each other to not look away. Especially not now as Trump is pulling out all the stops in order to disrupt the midterm elections, elections which could very well throw a monkey wrench in the gears of destruction currently grinding our democracy to a halt. Election Day is less than one month away.

If you have been avoiding watching the horror, I get it. Self-preservation is important. But now it is time to venture back out into the darkness and help bring the light back. Everything is literally at stake. Our freedom, our health, the long-standing international order (yes, it could be worse), our planet. It is literally now or never.

                                           PLEASE DON’T LOOK AWAY

Or else, this

We must bear witness to the unbearable. And then beat it to a pulp.

Mario Savio 1964

I. Mangrey reporting. And paying attention.

Broken News – Quit Dicking Around

 

All Perfectly “Legal”

October 9, 2026

Frequenters of this space know that we have always been fair to Donald Fucking Trump. Sure, one or two things might have gotten us miffed. But we understood why a handsome, manly man like him might feel compelled to sexually assault a woman or twelve. Plus, they let him do it. And why would anyone – certainly not us – be put off by his very strong and powerful obsession with the likes of Putin, Un, Xi, Orbán and Erdoğan? And who could blame a guy for destroying more American property than the 9/11 hijackers, or starting an insurrection because he got his giant ass handed to him in an election, and then pardoning everyone convicted of following him into battle? He had to pardon them, they liked him. Or the fact that he stole a truckload of classified documents, some of which he likely sold to our enemies. Everyone is entitled to make a mistake. And no other president was brave enough to destroy the White House to build a ballroom that no one wanted, or turn the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool into a Superfund site, or bleed our military dry by attacking Iran for no reason and with no plan.

It is all just harmless fun.After all, as Richard Nixon famously said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal”. It damn sure isn’t these days.

But now Trump and his flying monkeys have gone too far.

 

The Department of Just Trump* is trying to let Richard Nixon – my personal bête noire – off the historical hook. Trump’s factory-second garden gnome, Kash Patel, the fake head of the FBI, is looking into whether Nixon was “framed” and was a victim of a “deep state” coup.

Patel is intending to look into “failures” of the past. If Patel really wants to look at failures, he need only look in the mirror.

Yes, Nixon was framed by tape recordings of his own voice and the voices of his top aides confessing to crimes. These were known as the “Smoking Gun Tapes”. The evidence against Nixon was almost as voluminous as the truckload of classified documents Trump stole on his way out of the White House in 2021 after his failed insurrection. Trump of course was also framed by mountains of evidence, including stacks of boxes of stolen documents photographed in a bathroom at Mor-on-Lago.

Like most framed people, Nixon had this to say to David Frost in 1977

“I let down my friends. I let down the country. I let down our system and the dreams of all those young people that ought to get into government but think it’s all too corrupt... I let the American people down, and I have to carry that burden with me for the rest of my life.”

Here’s a version you could expect from Trump

My friends let me down. The country let me down. The whole system is corrupt and all I did was try to fix it. The American people let me down. I was the greatest president who ever lived.

Republicans (remember them?) at the time unanimously supported impeaching the fucker, and it was they who talked Tricky Dick into getting the fuck out of town or they would impeach him. Nixon’s crimes against America seemed unimaginable at the time. Today, they would be called Tuesday.

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*Formerly the Department of Justice
 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled early voting.

Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

 

This Is Not In The Same Galaxy As Normal

October 8, 2026

“I know more about inflation, I know more about everything
than anybody in this room, anybody anywhere in the world.”
  Don Trump, October 3, 2026

Who the fuck would say something like this?

Apparently the same guy who said this…

“I’m a high IQ person, unlike some other people I can tell you about.
Very, among the highest IQs anywhere in the world.”
Don Trump, also October 3, 2026

Only one person. One very insecure, very stupid, mentally ill psychopath, that’s who. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the current president of the United States. Yep.

Donald “Nobody Knows Dumb Has A ‘B’ In It” Trump spoke these words in front of a perpetually dwindling crowd of ignorant, racist assholes who continue to support him. It is not a stretch to concede that “Dumb With A ‘B’” Donald does know more about everything than anybody in that room full of rubes. He should have left it at that. But he cannot. He is a sick man with a very bad brain.

You have likely at least once heard Dumb Donalb (sic…k) discuss how intelligence genes are passed down from uncle to nephew. Though these are not passed down (Spoiler Alert: they are not passed down at all) nearly as solidly as being a racist scumbag is passed down from father to son, or even as thoroughly as being a narcissistic, hate-filled conman is passed down from young damaged Donald’s evil, shameless lawyer/mentor, Roy Cohn to his powerfully inhumane, and sociopathic apprentice. None of this even whispers intelligence. Trump’s behavior shouts the exact opposite.

Donald Trump is barely the smartest person in his own shoes.

Leonard Cohen – Everybody Knows

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*As always, the full context does not make it any better.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.