Broken News – Marching As Not To War

 

 Impeachy Keen

March 29, 2026

This weekend saw two big political events. The impetus behind the two could not have been more different…well, maybe a little more.

One event was the third and biggest NO KINGS Day of coming together in protest of the fascist fuckwad currently defiling the Remains of The White House. Some eight million Americans gathered to voice their intense displeasure at Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump and his catastrophic hustle/presidency.

NO KINGS Boston

The other event was the annual gathering of ghouls and goons known as CPAC – the Conniving Pukes, Assholes and Crackheads – or something like that. All the influencers and law-mockers and dim bulbs in the fascist firmament were there – Steve Bannon, JD Vance, RFingK, Jr., Ted Cruz, the son of the Shah of Iran (I kid you not) and the My Crappy Pillow Guy. For the first time in ten years, Trump was a no-show. He could not fit it into his very busy voting-by-mail schedule. That and all the liar’s remorse currently overtaking measles as the most popular contagion among right-leaning wretches.

NO KINGS Minneapolis/St. Paul

Each year since 1974, what has now become a ghastly gaggle of goofballs closes out the event by running a straw poll to see which idiot among them should be their next presidential candidate. This year’s loser/winner was none other than JD Vance, with a strong second place showing by mewling masochist Marco Rubio. But wait, what about Epstein…I mean Trump’s third (or fourth to hear him tell it) term? Are they saving that for a surprise next year? Are they worried he might make America too great? Are they indeed tired of all the winning? The booming economy (for the richest among us)? The end of all wars (except for all the wars, especially the one Trump started, illegally, for no reason whatsoever)? The full and total release of the Epstein Files (which Trump insisted he would do…sort of…throughout his campaign)? So much winning they can hardly stand it.

NO KINGS New York

CPAC was held at a convention center in Texas. NO KINGS rallies were held in more than 3100 locations throughout the United States and in a number of locations on every continent.

CPAC bringing the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

One thing both events had in common, it turns out, was their feeling about impeaching the giant cockroach running the country

Masturbater of Ceremonies Matt Schlapp asked the crowd if they wanted to see Trump impeached…

Oopsie

Most estimates have the total NO KINGS attendance across the country as more than 8,000,000, but we are waiting for all the mail-in protesters are counted.

The next NO KINGS Day is scheduled for June 22, 2026. The next CPAC is hopefully never.

 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled midterm preparations.

Broken Noise SPECIAL REPORT – Just Do It!

And Keep Doing It

March 28, 2026

Paying Attention™ BROKEN NEWS has just learned what we have known all along. This incredible information is something everyone who pays any attention has known for more than a year, and yet it remains a secret…hidden in plain sight. It’s like someone who has searched high and low for something they desperately needed to find, but after finding it kept up the search as though it was still missing.

There is one person, and one person alone who has the power – even before this was required after being signed into law by the president, who campaigned on doing just that long before he signed the law – to release any and all of the

Donald trump memorial Epstein files

This person could do it any time without fear of consequences for doing so.

That person is Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump.

Actually, though there would be no consequences for the act of releasing the

Donald trump memorial Epstein files,

there might be some consequences for what those files reveal. And just about everyone has a damn good idea what those files contain. Which might have something to do with them remaining under wraps in flagrant contravention of the law. Remember the law?

Someone, talking to you Democrats, should be making this point every single fucking day. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Loudly. Everywhere. Sure, go ahead and drag Pam Bloni in with a subpoena, grill her for 20 or 30 hours. Whatever. But remind the American people that Trump can, with a wave of his tiny hands, release every word, every image, every video – with only those pertaining to the victims redacted –

None of this fucking bullshit
(actual image released by Dept. of “Justice”)

to the American public. Immediately, if not sooner.

To coin a phrase, “What the hell have you got to lose?”

Just another reason for

LET’S MARCH!

Bette Midler – All You Fascists Bound to Lose (2026)

This has been a Paying Attention™ Broken Noise Special Report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled bubble bath.

Radio WTAF On The Air

March 27, 2026

Hey all you Trump loathers out there. Just a quick tune to help you get in the mood to get out there tomorrow. Hopefully you’ve made plans to show your support for ending Turmp, as we wait for those nice young men in their clean white coats to come and take him away to a nice soft room or perhaps a farm upstate. 

There are around 3100 NO KINGS 3.0 rallies taking place across the country. Pick one.

Here’s a catchy ditty, a little-known classic we know you’re gonna love. This one’s for me and the gang at Paying Attention™. And for you, the discerning public, yearning to breathe free. It’s one of our favorites, and really, pretty much the theme song around the office these days. I dare say there is no other song that so accurately, succinctly and pleasantly sums up our current situation.

Enjoy.

The Pioneers - Time Hard (1972)

Send us your requests and dedications and we’ll get ‘em on the air.

Unliberal Undemocracy

We Have Met The Enemy And He Is President

March 26, 2026

It is time to congratulate all those fascists, racists, MAGAts, and their fellow travelers out there. They have done not only the improbable, but the unthinkable. They have thrown this nation into reverse at breakneck speed, as the attempt to do to our democracy what their cult leader claimed to have done to Iran’s nuclear program – sent it to oblivion. The latter of course was utter bullshit and hopefully the former is not a done deal.

They have done what most of us probably did not think was remotely possible, or at least hoped was not possible because we are by and large a hopeful – if not nearly as intelligent and socially evolved as we like to think we are – species at this point in anthropological, particularly American, history.

Not that this nation’s history is anything like ideal or even overly democratic, as evidenced by the pre-original sin of committing genocide against this land’s original inhabitants, and then the rampant kidnapping/enslavement of Africans, not to mention the banning of suffrage for women for much of our history. And there are those among us who would happily reinstitute slavery and reverse women’s right to vote. All of these are cancers on the social body and soul that have gone essentially untreated and have continued to metastasize since Columbus first soiled these shores (or thereabouts, since he never actually set foot on the continent).

The Varieties of Democracy Institute (V-Dem) in Sweden released its annual report earlier this month. V-Dem is considered one of the most credible sources on analysis of democracy; it possesses data going back to 1789.

 

Trump: The Quicker Fucker Upper

America was not considered a liberal democracy until 1965 after the passage of the Voting Rights Act – you remember that, it’s the one the Roberts Extreme Court gutting some years ago, which resulted in the immediate move of several southern (i.e., Republican) states to disenfranchise Black voters, who tend not to vote for a certain party that despises them. The report says that the progress achieved since then had been “erased” during American democracy’s End Times, aka the Trump Era.

As you can see, the first big dip occurred when America elected its biggest dip in 2016. There was the beginning of a recovery in 2020, only to see American democracy fall off a fucking cliff in 2025 after the second inauguration of Donald “Death-To-America” Trump.

V-Dem had this to say: “Under president Donald Trump, the U.S. is plummeting toward autocracy at a rate that is both unprecedented and rapid in modern history.”

V-Dem’s study shows that “Freedom of expression is now at its lowest level since the end of WWII.”

According to V-Dem, it’s not just us. In 2005 there were 12 countries slipping into autocracy. Today, that number is 44.

So congratulations to all you fascist fucking assholes out there and around the world. No one is currently better at being worse. Pat yourselves on the back and then go fuck yourselves.

I. Mangrey reporting. Thank me for my attention to this matter.

Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™

 

Donald Trump In

March 25, 2026

“Mail-in voting means mail-in cheating. I call it mail-in cheating, and we got to do something about it all.”
                 Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump, March 23, 2026

Trump has been obsessed with trying to end voting by mail for years. Naturally, this is based on nothing whatsoever, other than some fucking thing going on in his bones, or his whatever.

There is at this very moment a case before the Supreme Court where the government is arguing that counting all mail-in ballots should be stopped. Voting is by law a state-by-state decision. Nonetheless, the Fascist/Trump/Epstein Party wants federal control over voting. Mostly because they are increasingly unable to win free and fair elections. So they cripple the United States Postal Service, which slows the mail and then whine about states that want to count ballots that are postmarked by election day, but take so long to arrive at their destination that they cannot be counted on Election Day.

Fun fact: Even without mail-in ballots, election results are not always final on Election Day. And you might not know this, but sometimes, in very close races there are recounts that can take days, weeks or months. And sometimes, well one time, the Supreme Court decides to stop the counting of votes and just appoints the guy who lost the election as president.

The bottom line is the Red Party has never wanted to make it easy to vote because, as noted above, voters for the most part do not like them.

The Buried Lede

There was a special election for the State House in the district that includes Mor-on-Lago yesterday. Trump’s hand-picked, endorsed candidate lost.

Trump was too busy being an idiot at Graceland*, where he asked 1) if Elvis could beat him in a fight, and 2) if Elvis was treated better than Trump. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Trump didn’t have time to vote in person, so he voted by mail. Maybe he should just stop voting and STFU.

_________________________________________________________
*Though he was in Florida at some point yesterday. What a dick.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.

Scorn In The USA

Of Trump And Men

March 25, 2026

Many years ago, my father had an episode that landed him in the ER. He was evaluated for a stroke because he was confused and couldn’t remember basic facts like the names of his three sons or the name of the current president. My mom was told he did not have a stroke but did have transient global amnesia (I remember telling her “That means he temporarily forgot stuff.”). Things almost immediately returned to normal. He was around 60 at the time. Needless to say, my dad was not president of the United States at the time…or any other time for that matter. I think I would have known. Unless I had transient global amnesia.

Speaking Of Episodes Of Possible Brain Damage…

During a recent press event in the Awful Office, amongst many other very worrisome moments, like coveting and hugging a replica of a B-2 Bomber, Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump entered his famous “weave” (not the one atop his vacuous noggin) and began, for no apparent reason, to talk about California Governor Gavin Newsom. Trump referred to Newsom as the “president of the United States”.

“The president of the United States, Gavin Newscum, admitted that he has learning disabilities, dyslexia. Everything about him is dumb. I’m all for people with learning disabilities, but not for my president.”
                          Donald Trump, March 20, 2026

Also during this “episode” Trump claimed to have spoken with an “ex-president” (which, by all accounts turned out to be himself) who regretted not bombing Iran. All four living ex-presidents (except for one who apparently could not be reached for coherent comment) denied any such conversation ever took place. 

Three days later, Trump claimed on Truth Social – naturally, in all caps – that

“VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS REGARDING A COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION OF OUR HOSTILITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST. I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR TO POSTPONE ANY AND ALL MILITARY STRIKES AGAINST IRANIAN POWER PLANTS AND ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A FIVE DAY PERIOD.”

Trump may have also said

Big strong man came up to me, tears in his eyes, some kind of Ayatollah or something. I think he was the manager. He says hey, let’s talk. Maybe I can surrender. I can sell you oil, real cheap and you can maybe be the president of Iran or something. Whatever works for you. I told him I would think it over and postpone doing war crimes on him if I can build a casino/golf course in Tehran. One like nobody’s ever seen before. We’re going to make an excellent deal for Trump…oh, and America too. Maybe.

That might not be a direct quote.

Iranian officials reported that no such conversations ever took place.

“No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the U.S. and Israel are trapped.”
                         MB Ghalibaf, Iran's parliament speaker

Oops.

One can only assume that, once again, Trump was talking to himself.

Given that 1) Trump has at best zero credibility on any given issue, 2) Trump cares more about oil prices and Wall Street than he does about Americans – civilians and military, and 3) Trump consistently sides with Russia more than U.S. intelligence, we should be more inclined, horrible as they may be, to believe Iranian officials than Trump.

Also, Trump’s brain is mush. Someone needs to take him to a nice secluded place and tell him about the rabbits.

Look Donnie, I think I see gold out there.

I might be going out on a limb here, but I’m starting to get the feeling that Donald Trump just might be a sociopathic, criminal, braindead, fucking asshole like nobody's ever seen before.

I. Mangrey reporting. No way to delay that trouble coming every day.

                                                                                       

Public Service Announcement – NO KINGS 3.0

Marching In March

March 24, 2026

More

Donald Trump Memorial EPSTEIN FILES^*

No kings.

Speaking of which…

 

Hopefully you will have the time and wherewithal to attend one of the more than 3000 NO KINGS 3.0 events next Saturday, March 28^th. We’ll be hopping on a train to attend the march/rally starting out at City Hall in Philadelphia – the home of the building with the room where it happened.

_______________________________________________
*Man, whatever is in those files must really be bad for Darn Old Trump, because his flailing monkeys are really working their little tails off trying to figure out how to protect him from letting the public in on it.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Public Service Announcement.

Headline Of The Day – Offward and Upward

To Infinity!

March 24, 2026

Do you remember how much gas cost the year you turned 16?

I turned 16 in 1971. I guessed $0.50/gal.

According to the article…

1971

- Absolute gas price: $0.37

- Inflation-adjusted price: $2.49 (#22 least expensive year in 85-year span)

Gas prices climbed in 1971, as did taxes, due to inflation and general economic instability. The situation became so dire that President Richard Nixon issued a 90-day freeze on all prices and wages in the nation. He demanded that everyone, from the individual to the corporation, cooperate voluntarily. The freeze brought about mixed reactions, and though it did initially inject some much-needed life back into the stock market, the success was short-lived.

My father bought me a 1966 Corvair in 1973.

I kept a copy of Ralph Nader’s Unsafe at Any Speed in the passenger seat.

Again, according to the article…

1973

- Absolute gas price: $0.41

- Inflation-adjusted price: $2.52 (#23 least expensive year in 85-year span)

The most famous historic event to do with gasoline and gas prices, the 1973 oil crisis began when the members of OPEC declared an embargo against nations that had supported, or appeared to support, Israel during the Arab-Israeli war earlier that year. This embargo meant that the United States, which had become extremely reliant on foreign oil, suddenly faced gasoline shortages. In response, gas prices soared, and lines at gas stations got longer. The impact of this crisis ultimately stretched far beyond availability; in fact, the crisis shifted the balance of global politics and forced America to take a position in the Middle East in order to end the embargo.

According to today’s experts…

The 1973 oil crisis was the worst in history…until today. Death-To-America Don’s stupid, illegal and incredibly doomed attack on Iran has caused the worst disruption to oil supplies in history. What, according to one expert, “is not an oil crisis. This is the worst energy crisis we have ever seen.” Totally avoidable, self-inflicted and likely to last the better part of a year. At best.

According to me…

This fucking asshole, as noted by a French general, “shot himself in the foot”. And he shot us in the ass. And he is planning to shoot us in the face. Then and only then will he surrender and claim victory. Because Trump has only one setting:

stupidarrogantinsaneviolent

 
Death-To-America Don surrenders to insanely high gas prices
 that he caused, and incessant death threats from MAGA

This has been your Paying Attention™ Headline Of The Day.
Do with it what you will.

Thankfully, not one single mention of the

Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files

You’re welcome.

Not The Epstein Files

Why, I’ve Never Been So Consulted In All My Life

March 23, 2026

Trump was surprised that our allies were upset with him not consulting them before setting the world on fire – literally – by his unprovoked attack on Iran.

“Consulting them? I thought I was supposed to be insulting them. And I was doing a great job of that. Probably the best insulting anyone has ever done to every global ally this country has had for the last 80 years or so.

Yeah, consulting insulting, incursion, excursion. These are all just big stupid words. Nobody knows what they mean anyway. All you need to know is, I’m in charge and Trump knows best. Plus, I have the best words.

And speaking of the worst words, what the hell is a Hormuz? If Iran wants Trump to stop bombing them, they will have to rename that so-called strait the Strait of Trump. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Here’s a really good consult or insult from just the other day, with the Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi visiting the Remains of The White House:

For context: Trump was trying to convince the Japanese PM to support him and provide military assistance for his illegal war. I believe that is what the law calls ‘aiding and abetting’.

And, we’re off…

Japanese Questioner: Why didn’t you tell allies in Europe and Asia, like Japan, about the war before attacking Iran?

Don Rickles…I mean, Trump: “Because we wanted surprise. Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Why didn’t you tell me about Pearl Harbor? Okay? Right?*

I. Mangrey: What the actual fuck is wrong with you, sir? Have you ever thought about hara-kiri, sir?

Japanese PM Takaichi trying desperately to not go all
Bruce Lee on Dementia Don’s dumb fucking ass

There is nothing else I can add to that without inspiring a visit from the Secret Service, which by the way is not actually a secret. Someone might want to let them know that.

__________________________________________
*Actual fucking quote. And NO, not okay, and not right, you blabbering butterbrain.

I. Mangrey, WTAF.