She
shot a dog for acting like a dog. She shot a goat for acting like a goat. She
was warned by advisors two years ago not to write about it. She wrote about it
anyway. She thought it would impress MAGA and their cult leader Trump because
they are mostly soulless cretins whose best friends are often guns (or
Nazi-wannabes or white nationalists or Klan members, or other very fine people). She didn’t count on
the powerful recoil knocking her on her keister.
Just Say Noem
Noem,
in her new book described children as “little tyrants.” Did Kristi
Noem shoot any of those little tyrants? The smart money is on yes. And has
anyone seen Mike Pence lately? He hasn't answered any of my calls for several
weeks. Somebody needs to get a warrant to excavate that gravel pit.
Funny thing, Noem never met Kim Jong Un and
continues to lie about it.
But wait, there's more...
The gruesome governor also claimed to have
cancelled a meeting with French President Emmanuel Macron to show him she’s a big
boss. Another funny thing, no such meeting was ever planned. Never. More fabricated
bullshit. It’s just the kind of blinkered philistine pig ignorance we’ve come
to expect from this non-creative garbage.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
Sociopathic insurrectionist Donald Trump
responded to Judge Merchan who threatened to toss him in jail over gag order:
‘Give me liberty or give me death.’
Defendant Trump squeezed in a demented rant-filled rally in
Wildwood, New Jersey in between days sleeping in court. Thousands of mentally
defective supporters joined the repeatedly-indicted defendant/candidate who
dribbled out the usual lies, complete gibberish and dementia and/or syphilis
tainted lunacy like
“The late great Hannibal Lecter. He's a wonderful man...But
Hannibal Lecter. Congratulations. The late great Hannibal Lecter.”
Trump prepping to rile up his
rally crowd
Trump has mentioned Lecter in the past. No one knows exactly
why, but Trump seemed to think Hannibal Lecter is a real person. Maybe he
brought Lecter up this time as a dumfounding non sequitur just to show he now
knows this is a fictitious character. Who the fuck knows what is happening
beneath that synthetic cotton candy atop his depleted dome?
Complete and utter lack of silence of the ham
To be sure, no one knows exactly how many people Trump has
eaten as homage to Hannibal Lecter, a man Trump obviously holds in high esteem.
Is that why he had no problem with Mohammed bin Salman slicing and dicing
Washington Post reporter Jamal Khashoggi? Was Trump on the receiving end of the
leftovers?
Hannibal Lecter could not be reached for comment. Because he’s
a fucking fictitious character. Many people are saying Lecter would be very
fond of the semi-fictitious Donald Trump…with some fava beans and a nice
chianti.
The Deadbeat Goes On
By the way, the city of Wildwood required Donny Deadbeat to
pay up front since the last time he brought his poisonous posse to town, he
stiffed them. It’s not cheap allowing the former sociopath-in-chief show up in
your city. Besides the cost of security and presumably massive clean-up after
thousands of inconsiderate, anti-environment slobs do their business and walk
away.
After his Wildwood bund rally, Trump returned to court for
the long-awaited testimony of his former lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen, who
already did time for aiding and abetting the person referred to in Cohen’s
trial as “Individual One,” known to everyone else as Donald J. Trump. So, the
guy who carried out the criminal orders went to jail while the person who gave
the criminal orders continues to waddle among us, a free man.
Trump, his attorney and
assorted idiots including Tommy Tuberville and son Eric
After the hissy-fit above, Trump returned to the courtroom
defense table to resume napping while prosecution witness Michael Cohen
proceeded to bury Trump alive.
Good
night, sweet putz, and flights of assholes sing thee to thy rest. And make it
quick will ya.
We’re all familiar with the old, classic
my-dog-ate-my-homework excuse. We now have a new version courtesy of Robert F.
Kennedy, Jr.
“A worm ... got into
my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.” Robert F. Kennedy Jr., 2012
A 2012 deposition recently surfaced wherein we learned that
RFK, Jr. had a worm in his brain. It ate some of his brain – presumably the
part of his brain that does stuff – and died. This begs the question – was his
brain so toxic that it killed the worm?
In addition, Bobby, Jr. had mercury poisoning, which also
causes cognitive issues. Not to mention his decade-plus addiction to heroin.
The brain-eating worm figuratively surfaced during a divorce
hearing where Bobby, Jr. reportedly said, “I have cognitive problems, clearly.
I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects
me," all of which he claimed necessitated him paying less alimony. Truly a
profile in courage. Coincidentally, now that the alimony issue is behind him
and the presidential campaign issue in front of him Worm Boy wants us to rest
assured that he has “recovered from the memory loss…and had no aftereffects
from the parasite.”
RFK, Jr. seen here trying to
keep his brainworm from escaping
This all adds up to one super-duper presidential candidate (oh, and he has serious heart problems, so he'll be ready to go on day one...just not the way we usually think),
at least it does now that America has “elected” Donald Trump. While Kennedy
joked about being better cognitively equipped to debate Biden and Trump, he
might have half a point. At least Kennedy had a brain – however previously
damaged it might have been – for a brain worm to feast on. The jury – if you’ll
pardon the metaphor – is out on Trump.
Not wanting to pile on…okay, wanting quite badly to pile on,
and profit off of Junior’s pain and stupidity, the good folks at Paying
Attention™ have cobbled together two tremendous, dare we say biblical children’s
books so the little ones can suffer right alongside mommy and daddy as we all
careen toward November 5th and our possible doom. We’re talking God
Bless America Bible quality here folks. Make sure to order your limited
edition numbered and signed copy today while non-existent supplies last.
Obviously, RFK, Jr. has had a tough life – addiction to
conspiracy theories aside – his father and uncle assassinated in their prime,
his own battle with addiction, mercury poisoning. And as if all that wasn’t
enough a worm ate a bunch of his brain – too bad Kristi Noem couldn’t shoot it.
Oops, let’s not forget the not-so-well-hidden anti-Semitism
that leaks out of his mouth from time to time.
It appears that murderous misfit Kristi Noem was not content
with just shooting every animal saved on Noah’s Ark (excluding the dinosaurs – they are sacred because Jesus rode them – Google it if you don’t believe me).
It turns out Noem has also taken truth and reality to the ole killing field...I mean gravel pit and
shot it in the head.
Noem, seen here learning that
one of her pets was still alive
In her new book No Fucking Clue – or something like
that – Noem claimed to have met demented dictator/Trump pen pal Kim Jong Un
while in North Korea. It remains unclear, after Noem sparred with CBS’s Margaret
Brennan and others, if Noem ever actually set foot in North Korea, but it seems
damn sure that the lying serial animal killer met the man Donald Trump “fell in
love” with (so much so that Trump stole the love letters he got from Kim
despite them being government property, and as of this writing Trump is not the
State).
Brennan was the first of many – on all the networks – to take a crack at getting to the
bottom of this very stupid unforced error, or as we call it in the business – a
flagrant lie. Noem tap danced instead of answering this simple yes-or-no question
about having actually met Kim.
When repeatedly asked about her mythical tête-à -tête with North Korean psycho Kim Jong Un (think Stormy and Donny?) what was Noem’s repeated response? Crickets.
Noem eventually tossed out this gem:
“And this anecdote [about meeting Kim] is something that when
it was brought to my attention, we made some changes, and when the book's
released, we'll do all that we can to see that that that is reflected.”
Now that’s some serious South Dakota buffalo shit.
Brennan countered:
“I know you read this book before it was published because
you released a video of your recording of the audiobook. You didn't catch these
errors when you were recording it?”
That would be what we call checkmate, but Noem continued
with her next move despite the game being over:
“Margaret, as soon as it was brought to my attention, I took
action to make sure that it was reflected.”
Ex-president Snoozolini is napping and
farting his way to a guilty verdict in The
People of the State of New York v. Donald J. Trump. When he is not comatose,
Trump is making his lawyers do incredibly stupid things.
King Butt did manage to stay awake while Stormy Daniels was
testifying about her wham-bam-thank-me-ma’am encounter with Trump (which was probably
even worse than being shot in the face by Dick Cheney) , which turned out to be a mistake since he was heard cursing and
seen scowling and shaking his head (there is much speculation that he just
enjoys the sound of his tiny sclerotic brain rattling around in his plasticine
skull). Otherwise, Sleeping Tooty has been dozing off and passing gas while in
court.
Secret,
leaked video of Trump in the courtroom
Trump is spending most of his sleepy time in court dreaming of bleach enemas,
“hamberders” and “covfefe” that he had “stollen” from school children. Oh, and
of course, Ivanka. No one was surprised when they learned that when Trump says
“Drill, baby drill” he’s referring to Ivanka.
Normally, Donny spends his days vigorously tweeting (or
“truthing” as he Orwellianly calls it) bile and bullshit on his fascist-inundated,
failing “social” media platform. He does this at all hours of the day and
night. At least while he’s in court he can get some shuteye. And we can have a
break from being assaulted by his constant ALL-CAPS CRAP 24/7.
To start the day a few days ago, Judge Juan Merchan found
Trump guilty of nine violations of his gag order. Merchan found the defendant
in contempt of everything including court and fined the faux-billionaire $1000
for each violation.
Merchan’s initial contempt order made it clear
that he could and might send Trump to jail for continuing to violate the order.
New York state law limits him to fining Trump $1,000 per violation. The judge maintained
that such a small monetary amount “will not achieve the desired result in those
instances where the contemnor can easily afford such a fine.”
Merchan added that while he would prefer
to impose a fine “commensurate with the wealth” of the offender, he lacked that
power and would “therefore consider whether in some instances, jail may be a
necessary punishment.” Thirty days is the maximum sentence allowable for any
one of these violations. Trump did not stop and was found in contempt again shortly thereafter,
and only fined again.
Unfortunately, Merchan seems extremely
hesitant to do what needs to be done with this recalcitrant bully of a
defendant.
Hard To Get Hard After That
Anyway, it’s good to know that Defendant
Trump was awake for this exchange:
Trump attorney: [Y]ou then decided you wanted to
publicly say that you had sex with President [sic]Trump, right?
Stormy Daniels: No. Nobody would ever want to publicly
say that.
Judge Juan Merchan imposed a very specific,
extremely reasonable gag order on Defendant Trump. The judge hoped to curtail
the endless threats to family members of the prosecution team – including his own daughter – and attempts to intimidate witnesses and jurors. No other defendant
would have survived as many warnings to stop defying a gag order without being
placed behind bars.
Merchan finally had to literally lay down the
law and fine Trump to the degree permitted in New York. The $1000/infraction for
ignoring the gag order nine times was obviously pocket-change for a
multi-millionaire like this defendant.
After fining the defendant for violating the
gag order nine times and putting the possibility of being jailed on the table,
the defendant did it again. This time Merchan levied one more $1000 fine and
made it clear that one more infraction would have to mean locking up the
uncontrollable defendant.
The next day Trump
was shaking his head, scowling and audibly cursing while Stormy Daniels was
testifying, causing the judge to once again admonish Trump’s attorney that his
client was potentially intimidating the witness.
Once again, Judge
Merchan is bending over backwards so far that I’m beginning to worry he might
hurt himself
I’m keeping my fingers crossed. My intestines
are already in knots.
Today’s Question For The Day:
How can Trump keep bellowing about being
gagged when won't shut the fuck up?
Yesterday in a dingy, by some reports (well, one incredibly
untrustworthy, whiny man-child) freezing cold Manhattan courtroom, the adult artist
formerly known as Stormy Daniels testified for the prosecution of dumbass
defendant Donald Trump.
Lookin' good defendant dude; is
that cotton candy on your head
Ms. Daniels provided excruciating detail about her
grotesque, however brief, encounter with the defendant, including him telling
her – while trying to get her into bed – that she reminded him of her daughter.
As an asshole…I mean aside, one cannot help but wonder how
many abortions Trump had a, let’s say hand, in. After all, Trump
told Howard Stern in 1993, “You know, if you're young, and in this era [of
AIDS], and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our
own Vietnam — it's called the dating game. Dating is like being in Vietnam.”
What a wonderful picture this paints of Pvt. Bonerspurs.
Creator: Jane Rosenberg | Credit:
REUTERS
While Daniels testified, Trump was repeatedly heard audibly swearing.
He was seen scowling, sneaking peeks at Daniels on the court screen and at
times his hands were not visible above the defense table. Eric Trump – the only family member to bother showing up – was also
observed sneaking peeks at Daniels and possibly drooling. We have not been able to
verify Eric whispering to someone seated next to him that “she reminds me of my
sister.”
Despite having already been held in contempt of court 10
times and threatened with jail time for the next offense, Judge Merchan called
for a sidebar to inform Trump’s attorney, “I understand that your client is
upset at this point, but he is cursing audibly, and he is shaking his head
visually and that’s contemptuous. It has the potential to intimidate the
witness and the jury can see that…You need to speak to him. I won’t tolerate
that.” Unfortunately, Merchan has already tolerated far too much, presumably
much more that he ever has or ever would tolerate from a defendant. Woe is us.
Trump claims he never met Ms. Daniels, let alone engaged in
sex with her. Of course, according to Ms. Daniels, the sexual encounter was so
brief, and Trump’s syphilis and/or dementia are so far along that Trump might
have forgotten the whole sordid affair – that and the likelihood that Trump was
staring into a mirror the entire time. In order to put this whole story to
rest, everyone is looking forward to Trump dropping his ill-fitting pants to
prove that Ms. Daniels’ description of his pecker is erroneous.
Stormy Daniels showing Jimmy Kimmel what she saw under Trump’s robe
The court breaks on Wednesdays. Ms. Daniels will return to the witness
stand on Thursday.
This could get very ugly.
______________________________________________ *That’s a good idea for a song.
Another day in court for Defendant Trump, another
admonishment from the bench and Trump once again found in contempt of court for the 10th time and
had a stint in the pokey dangled in front of him for violating his court-imposed
gag order. Trump thinks that going to jail will make him the next Martin Luther
King, Jr. or the next Nelson Mandela – interesting choices for a racist fuck
like Trump. I would have thought he would have gone with Adolph Hitler. That will
come later, as he becomes more desperate, realizing that he is going to lose
bigly.
Judge Juan Merchan told the incorrigible dipshit defendant, “Your
continued violations threaten to disrupt processing and constitute a direct
attack on the rule of law.” The judge added, “I cannot allow that to continue. So,
as much as I do not want to impose a jail sanction, and I have done everything I
dan to avoid doing so, I want you to understand that I will.”
And then he had Day 12 of The People of The State of New
York v. Donald J. Trump called to order.
The courtroom sketch below shows Defendant Trump attempting
a terrorist fist jab with Former Trump Organization controller Jeffrey McConney
who just gave damning testimony against him. Trump is either too stupid or too
psychotic to understand when witnesses are making him look guilty as shit.
Sketch artist: Elizabeth Williams
Former fake president and current lying-sack-of-shit
defendant Donald Jizzabell Trump spends his waking minutes (i.e., when he's not
fart-napping (or is it nap-farting) in court yelling fascistic fabrications,
terroristic threats and bombastic bullshit outside Judge Juan Merchan’s
courtroom.
Fat fucking Florida guy loudly lying at those he calls “the enemy of the people.”
Trump tries to convince his adamantly and relentlessly uninformed cult members
that the gag order intended to stop him from threatening jurors, witnesses, and
family members of the court disqualifies him from testifying. Merchan put a
quick stop to that by assuring the defendant that he has every right to speak
in court and to testify on his own behalf. He is only meant to shut the fuck up
about everyone connected to his trial.
Trump previously bragged that he would certainly be testifying
at his illegal hoax trial. Everyone living in non-alternative reality knows
full well that Trump will never testify in court. Under oath. We know this for
two main reasons: 1) Trump has repeatedly threatened to testify during various
court appearances; he never does; he is a pathological liar, and 2) since Trump
is an inveterate liar he can never take the witness stand without committing
perjury. Over and over and over again.
