Question For The Day – Alternative Intelligence

I See Dumb People

March 20, 2026

“Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.”
             Dumb Old Trump, September 23, 2025

“The only thing prohibiting transit in the straits (sic) right now is Iran shooting at shipping. It is open for transit should Iran not do that.”
             Secretary of Dumbass, Peed Hegseth, March 13, 2026

“War is hell and Peed Hegseth is a dumb-ass mother fucker.”
                     I. Mangrey, March 13, 2026

Desperate Don runs crying to other countries to help finish the illegal, unprovoked, insane WAR Trump started without a plan or a clue in Iran. Apparently, every country was driving through a tunnel and could not take Donny’s call…not even Nambia. Maybe it’s because Donny has been pissing and farting all over our allies at every turn. What about all his Bored of Peace buddies? Where the fuck are they? Don’t they care about their chairman of the bored?

“It’s Donald, pick up the fucking phone you losers.
I don’t need your sorry asses, but you better help me before it’s too late.”

The world has not seen this much global destruction – albeit without the instantaneous mass death and smithereened real estate – perpetrated by a single individual since Robert Oppenheimer proclaimed, “I am become death.” That individual today is one Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump. Trump’s ill-advised – everyone except Lindsey Graham and Dry-drunk Hague-seth advised against such a completely moronic and doomed-from-the-start “little excursion” – unilateral (no one else wants any part of this debacle) attack on Iran is poised to plunge the entire world into a major recession.

Donald, Donald, he’s our man, if he can’t do it…we’d all be better off ‘cause no one else is fucking stupid, arrogant and dangerous enough to try this shit… Well, maybe Stephen Miller…or JD Vance…or Linsey Graham, or Peed Hague-seth. Oh, never mind.

Today’s Question For The Day:

Aren’t we fucking great enough already?

Bonus Question:

Hasn’t he done enough already?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

Question For The Day – An Ex-Ex-President

We hope you enjoyed our little pause in the disaster, but it’s already time to jump back into Donald Trump’s Global Dumpster Fire with our recurring nightmare…I mean feature…

Question For The Day

Wishing Won’t Do It. Bombing Will.

March 18, 2026

Donald Trump – you might know him from his ubiquitous presence in the

Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files

told reporters on Monday

“No president was willing to do what I’m doing. And the should have done it a long time ago; it would have been a lot easier. There’s no president that wanted to do it. And yet every president knew, I’ve spoken to a certain president, who I like actually, a past president, former president, he said “I wish I did it. I wish I did it.” But they didn’t do it. I’m doing it.”

A reporter who was somehow permitted to speak asked who that president was, to which Trump replied, “I can’t tell you that… It would be very bad for his career, even though he’s got no career left.”

It almost doesn’t matter what he was talking about, but the subject was Trump’s unprovoked, disastrous, world-fucking attack on Iran. Perhaps now, even Silly Putty-for-brains Trump is getting a sense of why no other president – even the one Dumb Donny claims wished they did it – did what he is doing. Everyone else in the entire fucking world (except Netanyahu) knows exactly why no one else did what Trump is doing.

Fun fact: Four living ex-presidents (except one) are on the record saying they have not discussed Trump’s bombing of Iran. All four living ex-presidents contacted by reporters denied wishing they had bombed Iran.* And there is only one ex-president that Trump likes actually.

Today’s Question For The Day:

Is this mystery “ex-president, former president” one that you see in the mirror and talk to every few minutes?

Bonus Question:

Or was it maybe Andrew Jackson?

Double Bonus Question:

Sir, do you realize that the guy you see in the mirror and talk to all the time is you?

________________________________________________
*Never-president John McCain famously parodied the Beach Boys’ Barbara Ann, singing “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.” But Donald Trump did not like John McCain because McCain was captured.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

Science Is Golden

Birdosaurs

March 18, 2026

Full Disclosure: the team here at Paying Attention are suckers for science.

Long ago, many people were saying that birds were descended from the dinosaurs. More recently we learned that many dinosaurs we thought of as drab, scaly reptiles might have been brightly colored and were actually covered with feathers. More recently during one of our lunch gatherings, we watched a talk on the internets that sought to correct the birds-descended-from-dinosaurs narrative. According to many experts, birds actually are dinosaurs.

Behold the terrifying Chicadee Rex

The mighty (freaky), five-foot-tall Shoebill Stork

If it is true that birds are dinosaurs – and unless or until further research insists otherwise I will not doubt this – then why are they so scared of everything? I guess we’re lucky they don’t watch a lot of David Attenborough documentaries.

You surely would not want to meet up with a Shoebill Stork in a dark alley.

We hope you enjoyed this pause in the disaster.

Ed Venture
Managing Editor

Fly like a pterodactyl.

What’s That Behind You?

Who’s Got Our Six?

March 17, 2026

Let’s just get this out of the way – when do we get to see all of the

Donald Trump memorial EPSTEIN FILES^*

that have not yet been permanently destroyed? You know, the ones required by a special law (The Epstein File Transparency Act) specifically passed by every senator and all but one member of the House, and signed into law by Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump for that sole purpose.

Democrats had better learn a lesson. Or else.

In trying to behave like responsible adults, Democrats have been obsessed with looking forward and not back whenever they take the reins of power from one disgraced Republican (if I may use that historic term) or another. It was understandable that the hapless Gerald Ford would pardon his criminal benefactor Richard Nixon after the Watergate cover-up forced Nixon to abandon the White House in disgrace. Ford’s act was itself disgraceful and damaging to democracy and to the notion that no one is above the law, but understandable since Ford was protecting Nixon and the political party he and Ford had in common. 

Whether it be Ronald Reagan’s double-dealing sabotage of freeing Iran’s hostages during Carter’s presidency and Reagan’s subsequent selling of arms to Iran, Democrats wouldn’t look back. Or how about out-and-out war crimes, such as George WTF Bush’s illegal invasion of Iraq, or his waterboarding torture of prisoners?  Barack Obama said look forward, don’t look back. Or Donald Trump’s attempted violent overthrow of the United States government – Joe Biden said don’t look back. Each time, Democrats have taken the high road. But it only looks like the high road; it turned out to be the highway to Hell. No one ever wants to clean up the mess in Aisle 1600. And like the incorrigible black sheep of the family only one party seems to leave the most foul and painful messes.

How Is That Working Out?

Well, fuck that shit because that is as big a reason as any that we ended up with a second Trump presidency, which some of you may have noticed is not going all that well.

It’s like a parent whose teenage son has several DUIs, but the parents keep giving him the keys to the car, certain he won’t do it again, except the fourth time the young lad drives the family car off a cliff. Everyone makes mistakes, but the biggest mistake is ignoring the lessons from previous ones, not just by those who made the mistake, but by those who enable the unnecessary and injurious repetition thereof.

If the fact that Trump is still trying to win the 2020 election is not enough** to start fighting fire with fire, then this country will be over. Trump continues sending his thugs into states like Georgia, and now Arizona, after trying to blackmail Minnesota, to steal voting records, voting machines, etc. to “investigate” the 2020 election. Trump couldn’t even accept the results of the two elections he won because some people did not vote for him.

Asshole in mirror is closer than he appears.

Some of the most devastating injuries come from getting rear-ended.

Once Trump has been excised and his Fascist/Trump/Epstein Party has been shoved aside, it is time to turn around and face the past and clean up the fucking mess left behind.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to get stabbed in the back. Like clockwork. Orange.

_______________________________________________
*Man, whatever is in those files must really be bad for old Fartenstein, because his flying monkeys are really working their little tails off trying to figure out how to protect him from letting the public in on it.
**And yes, he’s also trying to repeal the First Amendment and curtail voting. He’s taking bribes, aiding Russia and Iran, which he illegally invaded, and he’s responsible for the execution of American citizens. Oh yeah, and he’s an adjudicated rapist and a 34-time convicted felon who is hell-bent on destroying the environment. And that’s just off the top of my head.

I. Mangrey regrouping. Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.              

                                                                                     

Headline Of The Day – Just Give Me Some Truth

All I Want Is The Truth   

March 16, 2026 

Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT): “This is the most incompetent, incoherent war America has fought in the last 100 years.”

I. Mangrey: “And that is saying something.”

Thank you, Senator Murphy.

John Lennon – Gimme Some Truth

And we didn’t even mention the

Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files

This has been your Paying Attention™ Headline Of The Day.

Schmuck Of The Day – Pete Hague-seth

The Ugly Schmuckling

March 15, 2026

Holy War Hegseth has a problem, well, several. One is his alcohol-damaged brain. Another is his inability to separate alcohol church and state. The biggest problem is his gaping mouth. It just won’t shut. And the frothing feces it spews cannot be wiped away with any known solvents.

Hegseth has publicly dismissed concerns about international law, claiming he would ignore “stupid rules of engagement” and “politically correct wars”, spewing shit like “maximum lethality” and such. Even the spectacularly vapid and idiotic Donald Rumsfeld who held Hague-seth’s position during Bush/Cheney’s illegal, senseless and abysmal Iraq War was not so arrogantly ignorant and pathologically violent as Hague-seth.

Frank Zappa – Your Mouth 

Actually, Pete’s mouth is causing him even bigger problems by drooling literal war crimes. In a recent press tantrum, the secretary of excursions had this to say

“We will keep pressing. We will keep pushing, keep advancing. No quarter, no mercy for our enemies.”

Declaring “no quarter” is, all by itself, a war crime. Arrest that schmuck!

Speaking of war crimes, Hague-seth’s first stop on Trump’s Iran Excursion was to bomb a girl’s school to smithereens. Then Trump blamed the Iranians. Even though all – and I do mean all – the evidence pointed to a U.S. Tomahawk missile. While all this was going on, Trump was urging Iranian protesters to rise up against their government. It seems more likely now that the Iranian people will be rising up to denounce Trump and his illegal, murderous campaign against Iran and the

Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Schmuck on!

Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

 

He Forgot The Spurs

March 15, 2026

Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump was asked about his vacation war in Iran:

Fux Noise idiot Brian Killmeade: “When are you going to know when it’s over?”

Fux Noise idiot Brian Killmind on the phone with his main squeeze

In a patently insane and frightening response, Trump Actually Fucking Said This™:

       “When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.”
                          Donald Fucking Trump, March 13, 2026

At least we don’t have to wait until he feels it in his brains.

Bonus Words From Paula Poundstone:

To Trump:

“You lick your finger and hold it up in the wind to measure your IQ.”

_________________________________________
*As always, the full context does not make it any better. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.

This has been another painful edition of  Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.

Headline Of The Day – Pete Hegstench, Secretary of Excursions

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Whines   

March 14, 2026

Wow, incompetent, arrogant, psychotic and afraid of cameras.
Oh, and a wannabe war criminal.*

If the Secretary of Defenestration – Holy War Hegseth – wants more flattering pictures, he needs to stay out of them. Maybe he needs to spend more time in the make-up studio he had built for him at the Pentagon. According to Google, no other Secretary of Excursions even considered needing a makeup studio inside the Pentagon.

Bonus Hegstench Headline

If Dry-drunk Pete thinks pictures are unflattering, he should get a look at his expense account.

The above headline is a bit misleading. It wasn’t in 2025 that Pete spent $93 billion, it was in September of 2025. And the headline left out the fact that part of that was $15 million in steaks and $7 million in lobster tails. That must have been a serious all-you-can-eat. Oh, and a $98,000 grand piano for the Air Force chief-of-staff’s home.

He might be better off crawling back into his Fox hole.

We certainly would.

_______________________________________________
*More on this later. Stay tuned.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Headline Of The Day.

In Other Noise…

 

March 14, 2026

Crap Cap Flap

Many people were upset because Don Trump showed up at the Dignified Transfer – the return of the bodies of slain troops – that Trump caused to die in his ill-begotten unprovoked war with Iran wearing a baseball cap. Though Don was born in New York City, he is by all accounts trailer trash. He has plenty of money – much more today than when he was sworn at…I mean in, last January – but he is a tasteless, classless slob, whose always-limited mental faculties are rapidly dissolving. In any event, we should not be getting so upset by a classless idiot showing up to one of the most solemn duties any president is expected to perform wearing a highly undignified, disrespectful baseball cap. There are several reasons we should instead be thanking Der Leader: 1) the cap completely covered up his pathetic, ridiculous excuse for “hair”, 2) at least he was wearing pants, and 3) there were no reports of him very loudly passing gas during the ceremony (though since the transfer was held outdoors, the only one in danger would have been JD Vance whose lips are invariably puckered onto Trump’s exhaust valve.

Disintegrating Don checking to see if his diaper leaked

He Also Talks A Bad Game

While attempting to explain how all the myriad previous explanations fit together to make one really big, beautiful explanation, Trump is also trying to backtrack on calling his war a war by rebranding it an “excursion”. And all but claiming mission accomplished. Even though he previously described the worst-case scenario as one in which after all his obliterating and killing Iran’s supreme leader and stuff, Iran turned around and appointed a new supreme leader who is worse than the guy we killed and the dozen or so other guys we thought could take over Iran for us, but ended up killing on day one. Guess what happened next. Iran chose the son of the supreme leader we just killed. This son of an Ayatollah is not only 30 years younger than his father, but much nastier. So, given Iran’s history, there will certainly be revenge on their mind, and they have a long memory, so time will not heal this wound.

So, if “Death-To-America” Don’s mission was to lose the war, he can declare MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Heck of a job Trumpie.

Trump couldn’t even be bothered to address the nation from the Remains of The White House, preferring to do his business at one of his bug-infested shithole golf shacks between golf wars…I mean exccusions. At least he wasn’t wearing his fucking baseball cap this time. He sent Vance and dry-drunk Pete to attend the latest Dignified Transfer of fallen soldier number seven in Trump’s fucked-up, made-up war – because Trump was busy hosting a fundraiser for MAGA Mike Johnson at his golf shack.

Trump will not rule out boots on the ground in Iran, just not boots with bone spurs in them. He is also teasing a draft, you know, like the one he dodged five times as a young asshole. Who doesn’t love a draft-dodging war monger? How soon before we begin hearing about Baron Trump’s bone spurs?

 
Donald sets out on a little excursion

“When the president does it, then it is not treason.”
Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump, future quote

Thirteen Americans KIA so far in Trump’s War on Iran and the

Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files

I. Mangrey reporting.