Vote As If Jeffrey Epstein Was On The Ballot
November 1, 2026
Only two
more cringing days until what is hopefully Political Christmas. Perhaps we will
get a look at the will of the people.
And then…
Or, for you kids out there…
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
November 1, 2026
If you haven’t
already, don’t forget to turn your clocks back…maybe about eleven years, but at
least one hour.
Around noon on
August 9, 1974, once the criminally insane, now quaintly pathetic Richard Nixon
had resigned his presidency in disgrace, a friend of this blog was quoted as
saying, “The Dick is out, but we’re still getting fucked.” Those words only
became truer as the years went passing by.
If we thought that
was bad, it was. The stench of Nixon stuck to our flag, our Constitution, the
presidency and the very fabric of democracy. Despite all attempts to launder
everything, America continued to stink of Nixon for many decades. That is,
until someone came along to out-slime old Tricky Dick. That someone was, lest
we forget, George WTF Bush who dismissed the sirens, red flags and August 6,
2001 Presidential Daily Briefing entitled “Bin Laden Determined To Strike
Inside U.S.” paving the way for the 9/11 attacks, and then led us into an
insane war-for-oil in the wrong country, committed a buffet of war crimes and
handed a huge federal surplus to the richest among us, and left this nation in
tatters.
As you are all too
aware, this asshole, the worst president in American history, was subsequently
eclipsed into near-oblivion by the current worst president in American history,
who shall remain brainless.
Just imagine how
long the odious odor, the fetid, festering fart of Donald Trump which currently
engulfs this nation (not to mention the rest of the world) will be clinging to
every fiber of this society, an Orange Gas Cloud continuously poisoning every
breath we take. All the damage to every aspect of life in America has been
garroted to near asphyxiation – our economy, our justice system, our military,
our Constitution, civil rights, and all his monuments to himself (who the fuck
does that?) and the presidency itself…you name it Trump
Nearest and dearest
to my heart – being that I am, and always have been a living organism, nothing
pains me more that this vile creature’s arrogant apathy toward our environment.
With his idiotic stance on the climate crisis, his wanton selling-off of
protected spaces for drilling rights, etc. this flailing, fascist fuckwit knows
no bounds when it comes to trashing the planet.
Not only has Trump
put his stamp on the Supreme Court, which is currently neither of those things,
he has appointed countless, shit-for-brains judges throughout the land, many of
them leaving their own filthy stains and treacherous timebombs everywhere.
As reported by Mother
Jones, on September 4, 2026, some broke-brained Trump-appointed sludge…I mean
judge ruled that safe, clean, uncontaminated drinking water is, in fact, NOT a
right afforded to Americans.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
bubble bath.
It's Karaoke Time
October 31, 2026
Take a guess what
melody this was written for…
I know a place
where dreams are killed,
Each day a brand new scam.
It's not just in your head,
This fucker wants us dead,
Forever, Never Land.
It may be there in Washington
Or right there where you stand,
Just keep on keepin’ on,
One day Trump will be gone,
Forever, Never Land.
(Bridge)
We'll all have seizures every day there,
Buried in stupid gold,
For if Trump finds a way to stay there,
We will never get to grow old.
This is our home
where dreams are crushed,
Democracy is banned,
‘Cause Trump is full of shit,
With less than half a wit,
Forever, Never Land.
(Bridge)
We'll all have seizures every day there,
Buried in stupid gold,
For if Trump finds a way to stay there,
We will never get to grow old.
So, let’s all vote
to stop this creep,
And smack his tiny hand.
Let’s put him in his place,
And fuck Trump’s “master race”,
Forever, Never Land.
Humans 1 Earth 0
So, you’re probably asking yourself, what is it
that the American people are concerned about three days before Election Day,
possibly an Election Day to end all election days. And not Susan Collins
concerned, but truly, for some, life-and-death concerned.
The most recent polling found that most Americans
are most concerned about the war in Iran, health care and affordability.
Priorities, People
At
the bottom of the list was climate crisis. Thanks to the inherent ignorance,
self-importance and shortsightedness of humankind. Present company excluded.
The
human species, at least those in this country, has forfeited its status as the
most intelligent on this planet.
The
only hope is that young people were drastically under-represented in the
polling.
The
Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party is avowedly and brutally anti-environment.
Climate Crisis denial For Dummies
Vote
like Mother Earth is on the ballot.
Freak
out…
I
mean, Peace Out.
This has been your Paying Attention™ WTF For The Day.
Sooner And Later
October 30, 2026
Election
Day is only four days away. Unfortunately, election certification day is two
months and four days away, and I think we all know that will be an angst-laden
time.
There
is a non-zero chance that Donald “Death-To-America” Trump will be leaning on Chucky
Johnson to stop the American people from having their say by refusing to
certify the elections, or just those won by Democrats. Especially if Trump’s
most passionate issue, John Husted’s ass goes down in defeat. I’m sure Husted could
get a job alongside Katie Harp hanging around Trump while he serves out our
death sentence.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
It’s
Scott Bessent*
October 30, 2026
We recently shared Barack Obama’s red-hot burn on
Blob the Builder’s relentless renovations of every fucking thing he can get his
tiny hands or big stupid name on…
“I mean, what’s with all the gold? He’s got the White House
lookin’ like Saddam Hussein opened a Cheesecake Factory.”
Barack Obama, October 24, 2026
The Trump apology team had no problem with Obama
comparing Deadbeat Donny’s Saddam Hussein-esque obsession with gold, or his
debasement of the White House with his omnipresent fool’s gold embellishments. No,
what they whined on and on about was the lie that Obama dissed The Cheesecake
Factory – a place in which you can bet all your crypto coin neither Trump nor
any of his cabinet/circus members have never set foot, let alone dined.
They were so desperate that they made slimeball,
mega-millionaire and alleged Treasury Secretary Snot Bessent walk out of an
actual Cheesecake Factory (Or was it all AI? We may never know.) with a Fux
News monkey waiting outside for Bessent to lie that he had “what I always have –
the French Dip Cheeseburger”, which sounds like the most pretentious item on
the massive menu, and then further lied that “I would tell the Martha’s Vineyard
set to give it a try.”
If you believe Bessent – the guy who said he was a
soybean farmer because he owns land on which someone who is not Bessent grows
corn and soybeans – ate at a Cheesecake Factory, then you believe Donald Trump
is a vagan…I mean vegan…I mean human being.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Schmuck
off!
Paint It Black
October 30, 2026
This is not an ask. As a white guy, it is not my place to request anything of the African American community. I think I can beg, but it’s not an ask, it’s a hope.
Perhaps
more than anything, the path to ending Trump and actual justice and democracy
goes through Black America, in particular Black women. They have been
instrumental in keeping this country – the country that saw them as 3/5 of a
person at its founding, and continued to allow and protect their enslavement
for nearly another century – from its worst inclinations. Over and over and
over.
In
1770, the first person to die for American independence was Crispus Attucks, of
African American and Native American descent, shot during the Boston Massacre.
In
the 1960s, Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, John Lewis and countless others
in the Civil Rights Movement were instrumental in dragging this country
kicking, lynching and screaming into becoming an actual liberal democracy.
On
June 17, 1972 a Black man, Frank Wills, security guard at the Watergate complex,
caught Richard Nixon’s “plumbers” in the act of sabotaging democracy.
May
25, 2020, a 17-year-old Black girl, Darnella Frazier saw a Black man being
pinned to the ground by several police officers, one with his knee on the man’s
neck. She held her phone in camera mode for nine minutes and twenty-nine
seconds, as onlookers begged to officers to stop, as George Floyd begged for
breath and finally for his mother before his brutal, wholly unnecessary murder
was complete.
On
January 6, 2021 Donald Trump’s mob attacked the Capitol, with murder in their
hearts and a coup d’etat on their minds. Black Capitol officer Eugene Goodman
acted as a decoy and singlehandedly redirected the mob, saving the lives of
members of Congress towards whom the mob had been headed until Goodman distracted
them, presumably with a bright, shiny object.
Yes,
the Democrats have been much more talk than action when it comes to enhancing
the lives of Black Americans, but there can be no doubt that their not-so-loyal
opposition – now the Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party – will never be the
ones to promote equality, which they have literally made all but illegal, for
anyone but wealthy, white males. As flawed as it may be, the choice is clear.
And the choice is now. Or possibly never.
If
our Black brothers and sisters and others can find it in their hearts to try
once more to wield their electoral power – like no one has ever seen before, to
coin a phrase – this nation might avail itself of the equal-and-opposite
reaction to the criminal, fascist, racist movement whose face is Donald Jeffrey
Epstein Trump, and take one more step toward becoming a more perfect union.
“What
we are seeing, with leadership from African American communities in particular,
is that morally legible, non-violent, principled protest, works. Yes, now, even
in 2026.”
Perhaps
it falls to the descendants of those who literally built this country for much
less than no pay to help all of us to rebuild this shattered republic,
hopefully better and stronger and more of, for and by the people than it has
ever been. Nothing less can be acceptable.
It
would be unfair not to mention that the Fascist/Trump/Epstein Party started a
redistricting war last year aimed at eliminating majority-Black voting
districts across Red America (or as Robert Smigel christened it during the Bush
II years – Dumbfuckistan). Racist much? And where’s the Supreme Court? Just
kidding, we know exactly where they are – up Trump’s racist ass.
And maybe this time, if African Americans save democracy again, we will all repay those who have given so much and gotten so little in return properly, once and for all.
I. Mangrey reporting.
THIS JUST IN...MUSE YOU CAN USE
October 29, 2026
Hey all you Trump loathers out there. Election Day is drawing near. Between sitting on pins and needles and walking on eggshells, I still try to get in a few solid minutes of sleep every few days. This is the first thing to catch my ear this morning. I’m not usually able to smile this early. Since Ariel Baddass is still asleep like most normal people, I had to get this out toute de suite.
I guess this is the Canadian version of CSNY’s Four Dead in Ohio. Bryan Adams goes full Piranha Brothers* on old Douchebag Donny, metaphorically nailing his head to the floor. This is fresh any way you slice it. You gotta check this out…
Thanks Bryan, we needed that.
________________________________________
*If you’re not familiar with the Piranha Brothers…
October 28, 2026
It's time once again
for one of our readers' favorite Paying Attention™ special features (Keep that
card or letter coming in):
“You will hear many say that gas prices are
too high.
They skyrocket every time some tin-pot dictator decides to throw a tantrum.”
JD Vance, on the stump in Montana, October 26, 2026
Ain’t that the
fuckin’ truth. Vance is presumably talking about the guy who ignored his
nation’s people and legislature, and attacked a country that subsequently shut
down the most important waterway controlling the flow of oil from the Middle
East to the rest of the oil-addicted world, causing prices to skyrocket
worldwide. And just who is this tin-pot turkey? Why it’s none other than the
idiot Vance’s idiot boss Donny Tin-Pot Trump.
“I
go back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical asshole like Nixon who
wouldn't be that bad (and might even prove useful) or that he's America's
Hitler.”
JD Vance, privately to an associate on Facebook in 2016
Lastly, we turn things over to Mr. Tin-pot himself:
“The
United States oil and gas business is making hundreds of
billions of dollars. … Our country is making hundreds of billions of
dollars because of what's happened in the Middle East.”
Donald Jumping Butterballs Trump, October 24, 2026
Hey Donny,
Would that be the same Middle East you invaded for
no fucking reason, except that immediately after you did that you invested in
oil and gas futures? That Middle East? Does that mean we can finally cut their
massive welfare payments?
Inquiring minds think you suck.
Unsigned
This has been a Paying Attention™ special feature:
Look
Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™
