Rent-A-Coma - New Improved

 

You Deserve A Break Today...And Maybe Forever
An Imaginary* Product For Surreal Times

October 4, 2026

With only one month until the frighteningly critical 2026 midterm elections, are you still worried that our dystopian present is poised to decompose into a dystopianer future? Are you that all the encouraging poll numbers are going to go up in schmuck? Remember when in 2024 Death-To-America Don told a gathering of hypocritical Christians:

“Get out and vote. Just this time. You won’t have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what: it’ll be fixed, it’ll be fine. You won’t have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians…. Get out, you’ve got to get out and vote. In four years, you don’t have to vote again, we’ll have it fixed so good you’re not going to have to vote.”

Yes, that’s right folks. If you vote for Trump and he wins, no more voting. Now he has “promised” $5,000 to every adult if his Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party keeps control of America.

We are happy to announce our new and improved RENT-A-COMA formula – now with anti-fascism crystals. This could be one of the most important ways of coping with the burgeoning fascist uprising.

Like the COVID virus he nurtured, Trump is also an airborne toxin

  It’s His Party And You Can Cry if You Want To

                 DOEs your brain scream
     Bruised with numb surprise?

  Why waste your precious time doomsday prepping?

From the really terrific people who brought you Votegra™ for Electile Dysfunction as well as the Moron-o-Tron Mental Detector™ for fewer morons and more intelligent elections …

It’s not a drug, it’s not Covfefe, it’s a way of life. And it’s easy to pronounce and spell. Sure there’s a pill to get you in the mood, but why call it a drug? What? Are you obsessed with facts and reality? That is so pre-Trump. We have just what the doctor (before he had his “medical” license revoked) ordered.

     Are your emotions frazzled?

Would you like to simply check out for a few days, weeks or years and wake up fresh as a daisy in 2035 or maybe 2525 (if man is still alive)?

Would you like to do it safely without risking damage to your vital organs and precious bodily fluids? Does this even matter anymore?

Finally, there is a way to protect your mind – if nothing else – from President Death

What you need is
Rent-A-Coma^™

Doesn’t this sound appealing?

Doesn’t this look peaceful?

It isn’t suicide. It’s just a time-out. The massive hospital expenses will be partially offset by the great savings you’ll realize thanks to the punishing Trumpflation. Plus, much if not none of it will be covered by whatever the fuck the Fascist/Trump Party pukes are pretending will replace Obamacare. Many people believe their plan is to replace health care with drive-by shootings.

Don’t get stuck in alt-reality without a viable exit strategy.

Our state-of-the-art resting facilities are in full compliance with all current regulations. Also, RENT-A-COMA is perfectly safe to use in the comfort of your own home, but it’s best to have someone nearby to monitor your bliss. Our promise to you is that when these regulations, as all regulations, are rescinded as Trump and the Republican’ts slash everything not aimed at helping the wealthiest Americans, we will maintain the highest standards required by law…when there was law.

CAUTION: The desire to remain comatose may be habit forming

Here’s what people are saying about RENT-A-COMA:

       BHO from Hawai’i: “                                   ”

       SJG from Pennsylvania: “                                                 !”

       JRB and Dr. JB from Delaware: “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

       NP from San Francisco: “I tried. I really tried, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed a break from surreality. RENT-A-COMA …zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

When we introduced RENT-A-COMA we were not prepared for the pure idiocy and galactic mayhem that was about to unfold. We simply wanted to help people still tethered to reality to avoid the ravages, indignities and insidious fascism of the impending Trump Regime. We had no idea how absolutely unprecedented and disastrous Der Furor would be. No one could have anticipated how high the demand would be, and we sold out in minutes. Add to all of Trump’s epoxy-“haired” lunacy Senate majority zombie Mitch McConnell’s super-secret assault on health care in America, and no matter how much RENT-A-COMA we produce, the demand will surely outpace the supply at least as long as Clear-And-Present-Danger J. Trump continues to draw breath. So act now, or forever wake up screaming in the middle of the night, either at the thought of another Trump administration, or the actuality of one. With RENT-A-COMA you won’t even know what hit you. And you won’t want to.

Ask your doctor or Magic 8 Ball if Rent-A-Coma is right for you, or just go get some. It’s all good. If you have a pulse and an IQ, you probably need RENT-A-COMA. And no prescription is necessary, just a credit card, or some form of electronic transfer of funds (no bitcoin, whatever the fuck that is, accepted).

Call right now: 800-NOT-HERE
Operators are standing by…but not many because most of them have already taken advantage of their perks – free samples of Rent-A-Coma – and the rest of them are sure to follow.
I know I am.

_________________________________________________
*Or is it?

And if you’re not willing to risk waking up, or want to be prepared if waking up turns out to be a horrific mistake, stock up on ENDITOL. You won’t be sorry…at least not after using ENDITOL.

On November 4^th* ask your doctor if the afterlife is right for you.
Ask for ENDITOL by name.

Take two (or ten, or whatever) and forget about the mo(u)rning

It’s always good to be prepared.

 

A Public Service Announcement

Praying Attention

October 3, 2026 

The 2026 Midterm Elections where most Americans hope to put the brakes on Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump’s Death-To-America crusade are one month away.

That’s seven years in Trump days.

Hang in there.

Vote early and often.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Public Service Announcement. 

Connecting The iDiOTS

HYPOCRISY ALERT!!!*

October 2, 2026

Strike One

Susan Collins:

“I do not understand how anyone would take the word of a felon who’s been convicted twice – twice – two separate cases of five counts of money laundering, counts of bank fraud, false submissions to the [Federal Election Commission]…He is a convicted liar…”

Really? You slimy whore. Can you really not think of anyone who is a convicted felon and whose word not just anyone, but you your lousy, lying self would take and continue to take. In case this isn’t ringing any bells, your cult leader was convicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to conceal payments made to a porn star. Sound familiar? No? That would be Donald Fucking Trump. Remember him? Remember when you voted to convict him after his record-breaking second impeachment? Well do ya, punk? Your guy got elected to the highest office in the land dragging around 34 felony convictions. I believe that is even more than two.

Strike Two

Next up, Donald Fucking Trump and his fellow travelers who have, out of desperation, trotted out the old fearmongering over the so-called dangers of communism taking over America. The Fifties called and they want their bullshit scare-tactic back. I am not now, nor have I ever been a member of the Communist Party, but I would take communism over Trump and his syphilitic fascism any day. Not to mention the fact that there is no danger whatsoever of America going communist.

Damaged Don is clearly suffering from Clown Syndrome

Strike Three

Speaking of hypocrites and communists, first lady Melania Trump** said recently that she had a “very beautiful childhood” growing up under communism in Slovenia. The worst lady told Fox News Business, “I grew up, under the communism, and actually, I didn't miss anything. I feel I had a very beautiful childhood, and my parents provide a beautiful child for my family." Huh?

The third Mrs. Trump’s comments come as her estranged husband has increasingly used “communism” to attack Democrats and democratic socialists, telling a Republican convention audience this month: “They call themselves Democrat socialists, but actually, they're communists.” Actually, they call themselves Democratic Socialists. And they call you…

Dishonorable Mention

I was going to label as hypocrisy the guy who spilled national security secrets to the Russians during his first months in office during his first term, and who just showed Chinese President Xi his super-secret ballroom/panic room while yelling about the dangers of communism. But that isn’t hypocrisy, it’s stupidity and treason. You know, since China is supplying weapons Iran is using to attack Americans and Trump offered to sell American weapons to China to help them kill Americans Trump thinks are suckers and losers. Did I mention that China*** is aiding and abetting Iran? I think I did.

Do they think we're as stupid as they are?

___________________________________
*AGAIN.
**The illegal immigrant wife of criminal/president Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump.
***And Russia.

I. Mangrey reporting. But you knew that.

A Real Schmidt Show

Knock Yourself Out

October 1, 2026

America owes a debt of gratitude to very-nearly-dead Sen. Chuckles Grassley (FTES-IA) and his fellow travelers…I mean fucking idiots…I mean Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party members for dragging former special prosecutor Jack Smith before the Senate Judiciary Committee with only weeks remaining until the midterm elections these yahoos seem destined to lose bigly. Team Trump did nothing but embarrass themselves with lies and raging stupidity rarely seen.

Apparently these elected knuckle-draggers thought it best to remind all Americans that Donald “Death-To-America” Trump was found, “beyond a reasonable doubt” according to Jack Smith to have committed crimes against this country.

Jack Smith’s opening statement, September 29, 2026

The viral moment of the bullshit hearing was Sen. Eric Schmitt’s gotcha attempt. Schmitt (R-MO) accused Smith of perjury for denying he had been in Atlanta in February of 2024 to attend an NBA game between the Golden State Warriors and the Atlanta Hawks. Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) pointed out that Smith instead attended, on the date in question, a women’s college basketball game between University of Maryland and the Iowa HAWKEYES. Oops. The reaction of Sen. Katie Britt (R-AL) as it became clear that Schmitt’s gotcha was instead a exploding cigar says it all…

Britt froze like this for fifteen very long seconds

Schmidt was on the short list as Vance’s running mate in 2028. Don’t bother remembering that name. Schmitt’s next title will be ghost.

Schmitt just after setting his trap for Smith

Eric Schmitt, after making his mark

Second place goes to Lindsey Graham’s undeserving, appointed replacement, his sister Darline whose gotcha accused Smith of going after her sister…I mean brother Lindsey. Smith countered by saying that in fact the currently dead Graham would have instead been a witness against Trump, thereby brushing aside not one but two wild haymakers that not only missed their mark but somehow wound up smashing the aggressors smack in their own faces and sending both to the canvas.

Or was Schmitt in cahoots with Smith all along? You know you can’t spell Schmitt without Smith…or shit.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Jest For Fun

September 30, 2026

Hot on the heels of our latest brand-new special feature Ya Gotta Love It, another sparkling new feature has emerged from the idea pod in the basement of the non-existent, secret undisclosed headquarters of Paying Attention™ in beautiful, downtown Nuuk (or is it?).

Given the drama and trauma of the past eleven years, mostly the insanity of the human race, particularly many of those inhabiting the United States, it is no wonder that this idea lay buried in the angst-ridden recesses of the very damaged, though highly creative staff here at Paying Attention™. Anyway, we decided to risk stepping out of our comfort zone, which happens to be not the least bit comfortable, and offer something simply funny. We hope this will not end up meddling with the forces of nature. So, here it is, a veritable pause in the disaster – a disaster we hope to see end before we do, and to that end hope to help pause from time to time with something that is

Jest For Fun

Thought For The Day – That Sinking Feeling

The Good Ship Donny Flop

September 28, 2026

In 1974, with the writing not just on the wall but etched into the wall, like Donald “Death-To-America” Trump is planning to do to the façade of the Kennedy Center. The message was clear. If Richard Nixon did not disappear, and fast, the Republican Party would lose seats all over Congress. To avoid that, Republican leaders Barry Goldwater (no liberal he) and Hugh Scott made Tricky Dick an offer he couldn’t refuse: get the fuck out right now or be impeached and convicted thereof.

It is unrefusable, non-refundable offer time for Deathbed Donny. Only one problem. As you may remember, and may have seen in these pages a hundred or so times, Nixon bailed out on August 8-9, 1974, well before the midterm elections of that year. You may also be aware that we are in final days of September with the current midterms only 36 days away. And lastly, you may also be aware that Donald Fucking Trump is still president and has no plans to remove himself from the public eye, like an errant fishhook requiring surgical intervention, antibiotics and an eye patch, if not total death of the eye.

The S.S. Trumptanic has already made contact with the proverbial iceberg (which is actually Trump himself, but that kind of ruins the metaphor, so pretend I never brought it up). It is already going down with no hope of stopping. Voters and candidates alike from the Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party are abandoning ship in lemming-like fashion. And what is Daddy Dumbest* doing? He’s running around telling his peeps to pretend he is on the ballot. Apparently, stupidity loves company.

_______________________________________________
*Did you know ‘dumb’ has a ‘b’ in it? Of course you did, you’re not Donald Dumb-fucking Trump.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day. Harrumph.

Burning Down The House…And The Senate, Etc.

The Good News

September 27, 2026

As everyone knows and many people are saying, even the best people, Trump is destroying every aspect of America. This is why we very sincerely refer to him as Death-To-America Don. The Constitution. Democracy in general. Our international standing. Voting. Gas prices. The American economy. The world economy. The U.S. military. The literal White House. Washington, DC. The mental health of most Americans. Justice. Health and health care. All of these things have been crippled, some beyond recognition, and of which will take a generation or more to repair.

With any luck there will be one more entity, one very important thing that is very deserving of Donald’s kiss of death that he will also destroy, to the point that it will hopefully take a generation to begin to revive. That is the Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition (formerly known as Republican) Party. Let’s hope King Minus brings his special reverse mojo to the party that raised him up, propped him up and enabled him to beat the living shit out of America. Every last one of these sleazy appeasers need to be shamed, blamed and voted into oblivion. For generations.

I. Mangrey reporting. Thank you for your attention to this monster.

Thought For The Day – Trump v. Voting

Cruel And Unusual President*

September 26, 2026

It seems increasingly clear that Death-To-America Don is at least going to have more trouble implementing his get-the-vote-out-of-here plans.

Assuming he doesn’t just manufacture a national emergency and/or cancel the midterms, it looks like Trump’s back-up plan is to simply kill off most Americans who are lower income and are likely to vote against anyone hinting at supporting Trump’s agenda. He is going to continue causing everything to be unaffordable – food, gas, housing, health care…all up. Not only is the Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party not attempting to help make these things better, which would cause people to be more likely to vote for them, they are going full steam ahead in making all of it worse. They just kicked another 750,000 (many of whom are their own supporters) off Obamacare. You know, because they are the ones who put Obama’s name on it.

One county in Texass recently eliminated 92 polling locations in mostly Democratic areas in order to drag the worst candidate in this entire election cycle – Texass Attorney General Ken Paxton – across the finish line as Democratic candidate James Talirico out-classes, out-fundraises and out-campaigns the philandering, 15-house-owning Paxton. Paxton was impeached on 16 counts by the majority Republican Texass House of Representatives by a 121–23 vote in 2023, but the Texas Senate acquitted him on all counts.

Trump seems to have given up trying to hijack the Postal Service in order to interfere with mail-in voting. And since most of his plans to keep people from voting are getting thrown out of court, Trump is now lying about giving everyone $5,000 if his party prevails at the polls this November. Fat fucking chance he would ever keep a promise.

We are poised somewhere between For What It’s Worth, Wild In the Streets and Eve Of Destruction, hopefully not Four Dead In Ohio, but there is a non-zero chance that ICE and the FBI will be terrorizing and shooting people they suspect of voting Democratic (literally and figuratively) at polling places across the country on November 3^rd. Bet on it.

Today’s thought is brought to you by the good folks at the

Donald trump memorial EPSTEIN FILES

Also,

_______________________________________________
*Also insane and fascist.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

Pic Of The Day – Uh, Yup

Trump Is Fucking Goofy   

September 25, 2026

Just about everyone knows this. Now we have proof.

Caught in the act

This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic Of The Day.