From
The Department Of Redundancy Department Circular File
June 29, 2026
Our intrepid, unpaid
gaggle of interns discovered the existence of a cabinet position that has been
kept secret. However, once you learn of this new department, so much of what we
have been seeing for the past eighteen months will make much more – for lack of
a better word – sense.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
nap.
A New Definition Of Insanity: Donald Trump
On the Re-fucked-up Pool:
“And then the fake news says, “Oh, well, it didn’t
work. Of course it worked. Everything I does works. What I do works. In fact I
looked at it just a little while ago, it looks perfect already but we’re fixing
it.”
Donald “Lying-Stupid-And-Wrong-As-Usual” Trump, June 24, 2026
On Dems
winning the midterms:
“You’ll live in squalor. There’ll be no food. There’ll be no housing. There’ll
be no military, no law and order. There’ll be no nothing. There’ll be no
nothing. You’ll be a third world inhabitant in every way and everyone will
suffer or die.”
Donald “Talking-About-Himself-As-Usual” Trump,
June 26, 2026
Says
the guy doesn’t care that he caused food prices to go through the roof, refused
to sign a housing bill just days earlier because he was having a tantrum, has
depleted our military capabilities for a war of choice that he lost bigly, is
running a massive criminal enterprise out of the Remains-of-the-White House,
and killed more Americans than any other president.
It looks perfect already
but we’re fixing it.
Dear
Don:
Sir,
it is difficult to type with all the tears in my eyes. I am admittedly not a
big, strong guy who never cried before. But now, as I think about you, the
tears are streaming from my eyes. These invisible vandals who took a box cutter
or knife of some kind, as you so strongly keep saying, and sliced up the big,
blue, beautiful indestructible pool, or pond, or lake covering, must pay for
their non-existent crime of the century. Plus, it looks perfect already but
we’re fixing it? Can you hear yourself taking, sir?
Also,
having no nothing is a good thing. You must be a stupid person. And seriously,
learn the fucking language, King Minus.
And
please, and I mean this sincerely, with all due respect – please, go fuck
yourself, or get some big, strong man with tears in his eyes to do it for you. A
grateful nation will thank you.
Yours
Bigly,
I. Mangrey
Loser
From Another Planet
June 27, 2026
“If Watergate happened tomorrow it would be like a
twelve-hour news story. The idea that it would have taken down a presidency is
crazy.”
JD
Vance, June 26, 2026 (and looking quite orangey)
Once again, we call
on our guru of grammar, the sensei of sentences, the duke of definitions, the
prince of phrases, the one, the only, Inigo Montoya. This time paraphrasing…
You made this
comment. I do not think it means what you think it means.
It is a stupid comment. And you are an idiot. And a fascist. And Trump’s bitch. You’re killing my country. Prepare to die.
Vance is, among other things, and this might be his best feature, a fucking asshole. After the above quote, he cackled on about Nixon being forced out by the “deep state”. Hey JD, it’s called the Congress of the United States. It was Nixon’s own party who told him to get out of town before they impeached him. It was none other than ultra-conservative senator Barry Goldwater (R-AZ) who told Sicky Dick to his lying, paranoid, treasonous face that Nixon’s time was up. So fuck off as far as the eye can see JD.
And Vance is the one without dementia. Did he get syphilis
from fucking that couch?
_________________________________________
*As with the usual subject of this special feature, the full context
does not make it any better. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up
constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.
This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually
Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.
June 26, 2026
Obama’s
immediate predecessor George WTF Bush was such a colossal fuck-up that America
managed to elect its first Black president in a desperate attempt to recover.
But not to worry, this completely out-of-character act was immediately
rectified, and the engine of democracy, diversity, equity and inclusion was
thrown into reverse at the speed of white. Hatred, stupidity and criminality
became the order of the day and Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump took the reins of
power, snatched up the Constitution, lit it on fire and then took off his
diaper and pissed on the ashes.
Displaying
his usual class and dignity, the Grim Sleeper, current occupant of the
Remains-of-the-White-House, offered up his two now-discontinued cents:
Total
loser and worst president ever, next to Sleepy Joe Biden, but maybe worse, who
knows, Barack Hussein Obama, left Washington, DC in total disgrace – not one
major scandal, zero cognitive tests, ended up taking home no classified
documents, and made no money on the deal. Pathetic. Somehow he got away with
building his presidential library, which will soon be renamed the Donald J.
Trump Memorial Barack Hussein Obama Library, in the great city of Chicago –
they love Trump in Chicago. He should have been forced to build his trashy
building in Kenya, where he was born – and by the way, I have people working
very strongly on getting Obama’s birth certificate. We should have something
very interesting to show you in about two weeks, or a month or four days, or
many later. These are the same best people who recently turned the failing
Reflecting lake, or pond or water hazard, as many people are calling it, into
the most beautiful blue or possibly green swimming pool anyone has ever seen. And
remember, no matter how horrible, how stupid, how crooked, how deadly, reckless
and pathetic you think I am, Barack Hussein Obama once wore a tan suit. That’s
right, I said it. That tan suit was the most embarrassing thing that has ever
happened to this great nation, and the main reason Donald Trump was chosen by
God to make American great again. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Now, watch this drive.
Given
the incessant wheedling lies that Trump is built like and is as fit as a
twenty-something middle linebacker, and given the fact that the Obama
Presidential Center has a full-size basketball court, there should be a
pay-per-view one-on-one game between the scrawny Barack Obama and the totally
buff beefcake Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump.
Lastly,
a snippet of Obama’s speech at the opening of his presidential center:
“…that
the very idea of working on behalf of the common good is a sucker’s bet. And
that in order for us to win, somebody else has got to lose. I get it. I am not
immune to anger or doubt. But I do know this, when we lose faith in each other,
when we stop believing that voting matters, that citizenship matters, that our
collective voices matter, that how we treat each other no longer matters, then
we give away our power to decide our own future. We open the door to the most
ruthless, or the most careless, or the most fearful among us, who see some
groups and some people as more equal than others, and see government as nothing
more than a way to divvy up the spoils, and punish enemies, and keep those who
are different in their place. I do not believe that is the story of America
that prevails in the end.”
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
June 25, 2026
It’s official folks. Two months ago Paying Attention™ predicted that the name “Donald” would become as popular as the name “Adolf”. How many of you know someone named Adolf? Donald used to be a very popular boy’s name. It is already fading from view.
It’s official now. Baby’s
named Donald is at an all-time low.
Let the eternal shunning begin.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
search for the Holy Grail.
“Hair” Of The Dog
June 25, 2026
Trump’s fake hair comb-around-and-around-and-around is not new. Absurd, comical, hideous, but not new.
Gary Trudeau at Doonesbury
showed us the truth many years ago
This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic Of The Day.
June 24, 2026
Today’s
thought is brought to you by the good folks at the
Donald trump memorial EPSTEIN FILES
I’m the only president ever to take a cognitive
test. I can spell my name.
Donny
Downer threw up a classless pay-per-screw birthday party for himself posing as
a celebration of America’s 250th birthday. He tore apart the South Lawn,
erected a massive advertising edifice with a cage in which they had a bunch of
muscle-headed nutjobs beating the living shit out of each other on the
Remains-of-the-White-House lawn – the champion of the event was, like the host,
a dimwitted, racist slob, who closed the evening with these immortal immoral words: “Mochelle
Obama is a man.” The whole ignominious incident wasn’t disgusting and grifty
enough, so he made everyone pay to watch his blood-letting birthday (his, not
ours) spectacle.
And
then he fell asleep during the event.
This
is like inviting friends to your house to celebrate your birthday and charging
admission, adding, “Oh, did I mention it’s a cash bar? Oops. Have a good time,
I’m going to have a nap.”
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.
We never promised you a
paved-over Rose Garden.
Don't Stink The Water
June 23, 2026
Apparently, killing tens (or was it hundreds?) of thousands
of Americans with his mishandling of COVID (and Bob Woodward sitting on
knowledge that could have averted many of these deaths until his for-profit
book was finished – as were all those previously alive people) was not good
enough for good old Donald “Death-To-America” Trump. He is now murdering baby
ducks. The combination of Don’s choice of very dark paint – an algae accelerant
– and his idiot pool guy from Palm Beach
Yeah, this cartoon-come-to-life pool guy
helped create an algae bloom like no one has ever seen – the
biggest, most beautiful algae bloom of all time. Not only that but, as
predicted and warned before the fact, the coating barely lasted a week before
it started disengaging from the surface.
Naturally, Trump blamed everyone but those who were actually
to blame. That would be Trump himself and his idiot, sleazy pool guy. But
mostly Donald. The fuck-up stops there.
Just for the record, the pool guy is Trump donor and Mar-a-Lago neighbor John Cafaro. Trump
illegally gave him a no-bid contract to paint the reflecting pool. Cafaro has two
prior convictions, one for bribing a member of Congress and another for an
illegal loan that violated campaign finance laws. In other words, a perfect fit
for a 34-time-convicted-felon-president who likely split the insanely
over-priced payday (some $15 million) right down the middle with his fellow
felon.
“This [pool
coating] will last for at least fifty years and you’ll never have a leak, it’s
very strong. You couldn’t, if you had a knife – I don’t want to give anybody
ideas – if you had a knife, you can’t even cut it, so strong, so powerful, it’s
powerful rubber.”
Donald
Jeffrey Epstein Trump, May 5, 2026
“We have
vandalism… You know, we have a hundred, we have I think a 290, 300-foot slit
right through it. Probably a box cutter or a knife of some kind… Who would think
that somebody would go into a pool and take a knife and start cutting it?”
Donald
Jeffrey Epstein Trump, June 22, 2026
After the
latter quote Trump was then asked if he had proof, “Let’s put it this way, when
you have a 350-foot slit* from one end to the other, do you think that’s proof?”
Well, no actually, that’s not proof, and that’s all the proof Donny Dickweed
needs.
Also just for
the record, what Trump wanted done to the Reflecting Pool was not a repair. Just
like his daily façade charade make-over with his
comb-around-and-around-and-around, and his pancake fakeup, his approach to the
Pool was nothing more than that.
But I digress…
Before blaming
his latest massive fuck-up on Joe Biden, antifa and unknown “vandals” Boss
Tweet had his lying monkeys dose the pool, or pond or lake with hydrogen
peroxide, which momentarily killed off the algae while simultaneously
separating the paint job from the pool or pond or lake. So yes, vandals were
responsible for the utter, and extremely predictable demise of the “American
Flag Blue” assault on the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, which is neither
pond nor lake. Again, for those keeping score, those vandals were Donald
Jeffrey Epstein Trump and John Cafano.
And now there
is, for no good reason**, an enhanced National Guard presence at the Pool. This
is presumably a prelude to deporting the algae and the dead duck.
Dead Duck: A
Metaphor For Trump’s America
Add to this quintessentially
on-brand Trump debacle the unfortunate collateral damage – an unavoidable and
consistent feature of every Trump venture – of the baby ducks found dead in the
Pool.
Now Trump has
to drain the Pool again. He is draining us every single fucking day.
Trump’s sewage formation plant, formerly known as the Reflecting Pool, is now beginning to stink literally rather than just figuratively.
The primary perpetrator of the
destruction/”repair”/re-destruction of the iconic landmark (the same guy who
did pretty much the same thing with Iran) – Donald Jeffrey Epstein Trump –
remains at extra-large.
To borrow from Monty Python and The Holy Grail, let’s see if Trump is a witch.
Throw him
into the pond…or lake…or fucking Reflecting Pool!
_______________________________________________
*Oh, so now it’s already up to 350-foot? Are those fucking vandals still
down there holding their breath and cutting that un-cuttable very strong and
powerful rubber?
**Unless they are trying to ensure the head vandal – Donald Jeffrey Epstein
Trump – gets nowhere near the scene of his crime.
I. Mangrey
reporting. Is it safe?
UPDATE
Our
non-existent sources are reporting that going forward, after the Reflecting
Pool is re-drained and the very strong and powerful un-cuttable rubber is sewn
back together, it will instead be filled with air until such time as the water
can be replaced by 6.75 million gallons of clear epoxy resin meant to resemble
water…sort of. Or not.
In Mu$k We Tru$t...NOT
June 22, 2026
Elon
Musk’s SpaceX recently launched its public trading in the stock market.
This
makes Musk the first ever trillionaire…on paper. That’s trillion, with a fuck
you. And a sieg heil.
Nobel
Prize winner Paul Krugman insists the stock is not worth anywhere near its
claimed opening market value.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
