Wednesday, May 8, 2024

I Call It Stormy Tuesday*

And I Bet Thursday Will Be Just As Good

May 8, 2024

Yesterday in a dingy, by some reports (well, one incredibly untrustworthy, whiny man-child) freezing cold Manhattan courtroom, the adult artist formerly known as Stormy Daniels testified for the prosecution of dumbass defendant Donald Trump.

Lookin' good defendant dude; is that cotton candy on your head

Ms. Daniels provided excruciating detail about her grotesque, however brief, encounter with the defendant, including him telling her – while trying to get her into bed – that she reminded him of her daughter.

As an asshole…I mean aside, one cannot help but wonder how many abortions Trump had a, let’s say hand, in. After all, Trump told Howard Stern in 1993, “You know, if you're young, and in this era [of AIDS], and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam — it's called the dating game. Dating is like being in Vietnam.” What a wonderful picture this paints of Pvt. Bonerspurs.

Creator: Jane Rosenberg | Credit: REUTERS

While Daniels testified, Trump was repeatedly heard audibly swearing. He was seen scowling, sneaking peeks at Daniels on the court screen and at times his hands were not visible above the defense table. Eric Trump – the only family member to bother showing up – was also observed sneaking peeks at Daniels and possibly drooling. We have not been able to verify Eric whispering to someone seated next to him that “she reminds me of my sister.”

Despite having already been held in contempt of court 10 times and threatened with jail time for the next offense, Judge Merchan called for a sidebar to inform Trump’s attorney, “I understand that your client is upset at this point, but he is cursing audibly, and he is shaking his head visually and that’s contemptuous. It has the potential to intimidate the witness and the jury can see that…You need to speak to him. I won’t tolerate that.” Unfortunately, Merchan has already tolerated far too much, presumably much more that he ever has or ever would tolerate from a defendant. Woe is us.

Trump claims he never met Ms. Daniels, let alone engaged in sex with her. Of course, according to Ms. Daniels, the sexual encounter was so brief, and Trump’s syphilis and/or dementia are so far along that Trump might have forgotten the whole sordid affair – that and the likelihood that Trump was staring into a mirror the entire time. In order to put this whole story to rest, everyone is looking forward to Trump dropping his ill-fitting pants to prove that Ms. Daniels’ description of his pecker is erroneous. 

Stormy Daniels showing Jimmy Kimmel what she saw under Trump’s robe

The court breaks on Wednesdays. Ms. Daniels will return to the witness stand on Thursday.

This could get very ugly.

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*That’s a good idea for a song.

I. Mangrey repulsing. 

BONUS TRACK


Dennis Yost & the Classis IV

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