May 1, 2026
Americans
here. Remember us? We know you’re very busy with the room for your balls – the
“militarily secret” balls-room/bunker that you can’t stop blabbing about. Maybe
someone should have told you that when you keep yapping in front of cameras and
posting on social media someone might hear you. Also, no one in America gives a
damn about your bullshit ballroom and the whole world knows exactly where your
super-secret bunker is.
Anyway,
maybe no one had time to read you our Dear Don letter from a few days ago. Or maybe we were
unclear, or maybe your brain is mostly ketchup. We tried to warn you about how
once we finally get you out of the Remains of The White House and into a
never-ending series of courtrooms, your name and likeness will be removed from,
at the very least, every government structure to which your toxic ego had it
affixed. The name ‘Donald’ will become as popular as the name ‘Adolf’. When was
the last time you met or even heard of anyone named Adolf? Tough shit for your
coke-addled namesake Don, Jr.
As if
you haven’t already soiled enough people, places and things with your name
and/or likeness, we just heard that you want your fucking face on our
passports. Apparently, special gold coins, one dollar bills, national park
passes, giant banners defacing government buildings, the Kennedy Center, the
U.S. Institute For Peace, the war in Iran and the
Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files*
bearing
your name or scowling fuckface weren’t enough. So you want your face and
ridiculous signature on passports. This reminds me of the old joke: Does your
face hurt? No? well it’s killing me.
Are
you fucking kidding? First of all, how dare you place that cringe-inducing douchey
scowl anywhere near the founding fathers. It doesn’t make you look tough, it
makes you look like a schmuck with indigestion. Second, did it ever occur to
you to pretend to smile? Or do you only do that for Putin? Or back in the day
with your BFF Epstein?
Listen
shit-for-brains, this is not your country. You do not own it. You are a
pissing…I mean passing ship in a very long night. We know you are hoping to
take this country with you to the grave, but those of us who manage to survive
your Hindenburg of a presidency will still be here once you are buried at sea
along with Osama bin Laden and your legacy finds itself along that of your old
pal and fellow-rapist Jeffrey Epstein.
You’ll
find your things out on the Remains of The White House lawn. Have someone pick
them up for you and get the fuck out of our House…and please this time leave
all the classified documents where they are. They do not belong to you.
So,
once again let us say with the utmost sincerity,
Thank
you for your attention to this matter,
Most Americans
BONUS: LETTER TO AMERICANS
_______________________________________________
*We’ll give you one thing; you have flung so much feces all over the
place that it is getting harder and harder to focus on the Donald Trump Memorial Epstein Files.
