A Boy And His Worm

Bugs Bobby

May 13, 2024

We’re all familiar with the old, classic my-dog-ate-my-homework excuse. We now have a new version courtesy of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

“A worm ... got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.”
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., 2012

A 2012 deposition recently surfaced wherein we learned that RFK, Jr. had a worm in his brain. It ate some of his brain – presumably the part of his brain that does stuff – and died. This begs the question – was his brain so toxic that it killed the worm?

In addition, Bobby, Jr. had mercury poisoning, which also causes cognitive issues. Not to mention his decade-plus addiction to heroin.

The brain-eating worm figuratively surfaced during a divorce hearing where Bobby, Jr. reportedly said, “I have cognitive problems, clearly. I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects me," all of which he claimed necessitated him paying less alimony. Truly a profile in courage. Coincidentally, now that the alimony issue is behind him and the presidential campaign issue in front of him Worm Boy wants us to rest assured that he has “recovered from the memory loss…and had no aftereffects from the parasite.”

RFK, Jr. seen here trying to keep his brainworm from escaping

This all adds up to one super-duper presidential candidate (oh, and he has serious heart problems, so he'll be ready to go on day one...just not the way we usually think), at least it does now that America has “elected” Donald Trump. While Kennedy joked about being better cognitively equipped to debate Biden and Trump, he might have half a point. At least Kennedy had a brain – however previously damaged it might have been – for a brain worm to feast on. The jury – if you’ll pardon the metaphor – is out on Trump.

Not wanting to pile on…okay, wanting quite badly to pile on, and profit off of Junior’s pain and stupidity, the good folks at Paying Attention™ have cobbled together two tremendous, dare we say biblical children’s books so the little ones can suffer right alongside mommy and daddy as we all careen toward November 5^th and our possible doom. We’re talking God Bless America Bible quality here folks. Make sure to order your limited edition numbered and signed copy today while non-existent supplies last.

Obviously, RFK, Jr. has had a tough life – addiction to conspiracy theories aside – his father and uncle assassinated in their prime, his own battle with addiction, mercury poisoning. And as if all that wasn’t enough a worm ate a bunch of his brain – too bad Kristi Noem couldn’t shoot it.

Oops, let’s not forget the not-so-well-hidden anti-Semitism that leaks out of his mouth from time to time.

I. Mangrey reporting.