That’s Mighty Bigot Of You

Important News for Mor(m)ons Everywhere

Electionville, USA

September 29, 2012
 

                 “We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country.

                  We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

                                                                 Rick Santorum, September 15, 2012

 

I find it necessary to step out of character for a moment to say something nice about one of the more visible Republican’ts this election season - disgraced ex-Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, who remains the only Speaker of the House ever to be reprimanded for ethics violations (in a very bipartisan vote of 395 in favor, 28 opposed).  Gingrich is a pitiful excuse for a terrestrial life form; he is sucking up precious oxygen (and numerous other things by the look of it) while single-handedly expelling more CO₂ than a fleet of Hummers for no discernible purpose.  He is a philanderer and a bigot, arrogant beyond imagination.  Other than that he’s never killed anyone…as far as we know.  Yes, I know I was supposed to say something nice about Newt…all apologies.  I tried, but that’s as nice as it gets for Mr. Contract-On-America.

This vacuous gasbag, who in the past has referred to Obama as “uppity,” was recently on Fux News projecting proclaiming that Obama is “not a real president. He doesn’t do anything that presidents do, he doesn’t worry about any of the things the presidents do, but he has the White House, he has enormous power, and he’ll go down in history as the president, and I suspect that he’s pretty contemptuous of the rest of us...You have to wonder what he’s doing. I’m assuming that there’s some rhythm to Barack Obama that the rest of us don’t understand.” (actual quote)

First of all, that is about as accurate a description of one Newt Gingrich as you could ever hope to hear.  Second, I’m sure Newt never said such a thing about his buddy George W. Bush who, being appointed by the Supreme Court rather than elected by the voters, actually was NOT a real president.  George W. Bush took more time off (including an entire month leading up to his allowing of the 9/11 attacks) than any president in history and while he was “on the job” probably worked shorter days than any other.  Of course, given the way he presidented, that was clearly for the best.  Imagine where this country would have been had King George IV worked more than four hours a day.  Newt told Fux News addicts that Obama doesn’t think about the things real presidents think about because of his supreme arrogance.  What Newt was implying of course was that all lazy Mr. Obama thinks about is shuckin’ and jivin’, socialism and stickin’ it to Whitey.  And of course he’s got a rhythm that real folks just don’t understand.  Thanks for keepin’ it real, newt.

To all Willard Romney supporters:

I have some bad news for you.  I hate to even bring this up but I feel that loyalty to the truth outweighs any opinion I might have.  I know most of you Romney supporters do not love Mr. Romney.  I know that you are merely desperate to defeat his opponent by any means necessary…even if it means voting for Willard Romney.  And I know the most important reason you are willing to waste cast your vote for this brilliant tax avoider, investment scavenger and Chinese job creator.  There is just no way you can tolerate a black man cleaning up your party’s last “president.”  But this is no time to slack off on your obvious bigotry.

I know it’s hard to acknowledge publicly so I won’t expect you to, but we all know what’s going on here.  So it is in this context that I magnanimously share this shocking intel with you.  Willard’s biggest backer, at least the biggest one willing to openly admit his financial interest in putting Romney in the White House, is Sheldon Adelson.  Adelson, hmmmm, now what kind of name is that?  That would be the same Sheldon Adelson who previously offered up ungodly sums of money to ensure that Newt Gingrich would defeat Willard in the Republican’t primary.  There was just one fatal flaw in that plan and that fatal flaw was Newt Gingrich, the disgusting, arrogant troll who should have been laughed out of mainstream national politics decades ago. Unfortunately, Newt found that campaigning for president was a big money maker so, on he went, despite the fact that he is widely despised, disrespected and derided.  

So Newt was out and now Willard is in.  But that’s not my point.  My point is that while you have made peace with the fact that Romney himself is abhorrent to you, not just because he is generally abhorrent but in particular because he is a Mor(m)on, and you are willing to live with this otherwise-unacceptable-to-you fact.  What makes matters worse is that his doggedly determined king-maker Sheldon Adelson is, now brace yourselves... Sheldon Adelson is a Jew.  Just like…George Soros.  And all those other Jews Nixon hated so much.  I’m sorry to have to make you hear this so close to the election, but the truth is your choice is down to that damned ni…nice black guy Obama and the apparent Jew-lover Romney.

The choice you must make on election day 2012 has never been tougher.  I hope you have plenty of VOTEGRA.           

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and bigots staying home on Nov 6^th) invited.

Electile Dysfunction Is Going Viral

Are you having trouble sustaining an election?

Important information about an powerful drug for a serious condition afflicting hundreds of millions of people the world over.

You may already be one of the many who need the most remarkable wonder-drug  of all time - VOTEGRA.  Not just for men.  Not just for women.  Millions of people all over the world are suffering horribly and don't even know it.  Millions more simply pretend that everything is just fine.  Others are, as we speak, having their right to vote jeopardized by Republican't corporate backers and government operatives desperate to keep non-Republican't voters from exercising the most basic American right.  One human, one vote.

You may actually believe you're healthy and happy and ready to vote in every way.  Or you may simply be in denial.  Don't let another election go by leaving you feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, powerless, useless, out of step, unamerican or just plain stoopid.  The FDA has waived all safety regulations and precautions - and that's almost a stretch for them.  This drug is too important to ignore any longer although, given the current anti-vote environment, VOTEGRA may only be available in Canada and Mexico between now and November 6, 2012.

 Are you suffering from Electile Dysfunction?

Can't get into the booth like you used to?  Are you voting blanks?  Do you wish you could do it more often and make it mean something?  Is your chad just hanging there limp and listless?  Is your votecount shockingly lower than you ever would have expected?  Do you get the feeling your vote is about to be suppressed?  Is your once worthless candidate now just a worthless has-been?  Would you like to be able to throw a football through a tire?

VOTEGRA won't just help you keep an election for as long as you want.  It may even help you prop up a government of your choosing for years on end.  You'll be fighting off those corporate whores with a stick if you know what I mean.  And why shouldn't you be - you put the pedal to the metal and made your vote count like you haven't been able to do for years. Who's your daddy now? With VOTEGRA your election will be valid every time.   No more just worriedly wishing you had an election - VOTEGRA can make you feel like you could get that lever up and down any time you want to.  Don't wait any longer - ask your doctor or senator if VOTEGRA is for you.

 

Electile Dysfunction is no joke; we're voting for president for Pete's sake.  You may have Electile Dysfunction and not even know it.  Do something about it before it's too late and you end up with a wienie who strapped his dog to the roof of his car, keeps millions of dollars hidden from the tax collector, led the charge to outsource our jobs to China and who thinks YOU are a lazy moocher sponging off the same government off of which he feels absolutely entitled to sponge, in the White House.  Oops, you waited too long, but at least thanks to term limits George W. Bush has been replaced.  But nothing not quite as bad lasts forever.  Please don't let Electile Dysfunction wreck our lives again.

Possible side effects of not using VOTEGRA include runny candidates, listless legislators, long lines, spoiled votes, butterfly ballots, purged voter rolls, Diebold, depression, another Depression, Citizens United II (corporations are people and people are not), mor(m)ons, PATRIOT Act IV, armed repression, cranio-rectal syndrome, un-Occupied Wall Street, Willard Romney/Paul Ryan, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, short-circuited recounts, Ayn Rand, another Antonin Scalia, another Clarence Thomas, another Supreme Court-appointed president, Armageddon.

If your election lasts longer than four years contact your arms dealer immediately.

 

VOTEGRA

Fixing Elections since 2005

brought to you by the 99% non-corporation

 

Running (His Mouth) For President

The Political Genius That Is Willard Romney

                               or
Is That Your Real Hair, Or Do You Have A Dog Strapped To Your Head?

Under Willard’s Hair

September 19, 2012

Willard Romney’s latest daily disaster (or disaster du jour as the French-speaking ex-missionary who baptized dead Jews and others would say) comprised video of Willard calling 47% of Americans who pay no income taxes ”victims who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe they are ENTITLED, to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it,” adding, “And so my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.” ”  For some reason it didn’t help that he specified he was not referring to real Americans, just Obama supporters.  These ne’er-do-anythings include a laundry list of handout seekers like military veterans, retirees, special needs children, the working poor, recent graduates paying off student loans and those currently serving in the war that Republican’ts won’t even mention - Afghanistan.  Oh yes, there’s one more group of people draining the very lifeblood from our treasury - those worthless, tax-skating millionaires who only pay the tiny little capital gains tax on the money they earn by doing absolutely nothing other than being rich.

The surreptitious video was shot while Willard was speaking at a $50,000-a-plate dinner, you know, just as we all do when funds get a little tight.  Who among us hasn’t tweeted out to the homies to pony up fifty large for a nice meal and a chance to hear us talk trash about those who can’t afford $50K for a crappy night out.

Wife Ann “You-People-Have-Gotten-All-The-Tax-Returns-You’re-Going-To-Get” Romney said her exquisitely-coiffed hubby was taken out of context.  “This is a political campaign.  Mitt was telling a select crowd of very rich people, people we understand and adore, how he really feels.  Such statements cannot be taken as intentional by you people.  Everybody knows you don’t speak the truth in public during a campaign for president.  You say what people want to hear when you think they can hear you.  Mitt, though he was really speaking from his heart, never wanted outsiders - you know, the non-rich - to hear these things.  Those people who want everything handed to them, except the truth, simply don’t understand how the better half lives and they don’t want to.  They just want the kind of handouts that Mitt’s father had when he came to this country after his parents hid out in Mexico because of the whole one-man-one-woman nonsense.  ‘Give me five wives or give me death…or I’ll just move to Mexico,’ said Grandpa Romney.  His son George Romney was on welfare for years after immigrating to America.  And these people today want Social Security like Paul Ryan used to put himself through college while he marinated his brain in the magical atheism of Ayn Rand, who also hated Social Security and Medicare but dishonestly availed herself of both when it suited her needs.  Again, all of this is just totally out of context.”

Once Willard was finished laying out his domestic policy philosophy he moved on to his other specialty - foreign policy - and then he gave Iran some great advice, “If I were Iran - I mean - and - and a crazed fanatic, I’d say, ‘Let’s get a little fissile material to Hezbollah and have them carry it to Chicago or some other place, and then if anything goes wrong or America starts acting up, we’ll just say, ‘And guess what? Unless you stand down, why, we’re gonna let off a dirty bomb.’”  This is great stuff.  He’s running for president for Pete’s sake.

I don’t know about you but I think it’s damn well about time our presidential candidates started giving our enemies advice on how to attack us instead of bumbling along, getting appointed president and then just sitting around waiting for planes to crash into buildings.  Of course the good news is, at least he’s incoherent on foreign policy.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and more Romney wisdom) invited.

Of Lemmings And Men

Out Of The Mouths Of Boobs

                    or

Cads Say The Darndest Things 

In The Company of Lemmings

September 14, 2012

The Obama re-election campaign, besides being up to their eyeballs in the rising swamp of Romney/Ryan lies, is busy answering the age-old question that must be answered by every president seeking a second term – Are you better off today than you were four years ago?  Many things go into answering this important question.  How are my finances?  How is my job security?  What is the state of our Union?  How many wars are we in?  Am I dreaming?  Can I remember anything that happened more than a week ago?  Is Willard Romney serious?  Does Dick Cheney still have a pulse and a hunting rifle?  These are all meaningful issues for each of us as we prepare to go to the polls, assuming we have not been legislated out of maintaining our right to cast a vote. 

 

The Lemming Party, known by many as the Republican’ts, continue their death-spiral toward the precipice, unfazed by morality, reality, common sense or even a vague notion of national, if not personal self-preservation.  But who am I to pass judgment on a bunch of seemingly happy small-brained mammals who can think of nothing…oh sorry, something made me want to stop typing just then…nothing better than following each other blindly over a cliff?  Who could blame them?  It seems so easy, so peaceful…once it’s all over.  Almost rapturous.  Oh the bliss the Republican’ts must experience each day.



Naturally, it’s the Republican’ts asking us if we’re better off than we were four years ago.  That’s because they’re the ones with the automatic lobotomies every time a Democrat gets elected president.  And they want us all to be just like them, except without all the wealth.  Then they do their Chicken Little routine, which includes the need to convince everyone else that the world began the day the Democrat entered the Oval Office, which they explain is why everything sucks.  But if we’re not buying that Subscription-to-Surreality they move on to: “Yes there was a world, but prior to (insert Democrat’s name) taking over everything was running smoothly.  Anything bad happening isn’t our fault,” they shout, “everything was fine before (insert Democrat’s name); don’t you remember?  Of course you do.”  And as expected all the faithful Fux News addicts agree.  “Yeah, everything was fine four years ago, we do remember.  It’s that damn Obama, he ruined everything, probably because he was borned in Kenya while Karl Marx was king or president or whatever.  I hate that damned ni…nice guy.”

The thing is, this time around it seems so damn simple even a lobotomized lemming should be able to notice.  Although by my calculations the combined IQ of the Republican’t convention was around 85.  I have a feeling that somehow, many Americans can still remember back before Obama had the audacity to actually win an election…using votes…without the Supreme Court’s help or the assurance everything-will-turn-out-well one has by owning the voting machines, especially while being black.  But there’s one unspoken factor that outweighs them all, and here’s the bottom line: George W. Bush is not president.  If that isn’t a quantum-step up I don’t know what is. 

Not just America, but the entire world is clearly better off now for that one single fact.  George W. Bush is not president.  That can’t be said often enough.  Sure there’s a world-wide recession – it’s actually a depression but nobody wants to admit it out loud (and clearly set into motion by Bush/Cheney); sure our men and women are being killed every day in Afghanistan and throughout the Middle East (in huge part due to Cheney/Bush policies) and most of the western U.S. (as Republicant’s attack firefighters’ unions) are burning in their own special way - BUT, George W. Bush is not president (though the cancer he implanted in this country continues to eat away at our internal organs).  And even the lying, misanthropic Republican’ts know this is big, because they won’t be seen in public with George and they go to great lengths to deny he ever existed.  Even his own brother can barely mention him without suffering immediate gastric reflux.

But the Romnulans would have us believe that Obama made this huge mess for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  And poor rich, innocent conniving Willard just wants to take us back to the good-old-days of King George The W, when everyone was happy and all the trees were just the right height, back when a man could strap his favorite dog to the roof of his car and drive to his tiny, little heart’s content.  So Willard’s hired on all George’s best and brightest advisors to ensure the path forward takes us right back to the magical time when dimw(h)it(e) George was making the pie higher for all of us.  More wars, fewer social programs, less education, fewer voters, more tax cuts for the rich.  I’ll admit my fingers aren’t crossed, but my intestines are twisted in knots.

Republican’ts say that more tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans will lead to growth.  Just like cancer leads to growth – the growth of the tumor.  This is not an analogy, it’s an equivalence.  I know Romney isn’t someone you could have a beer with, but with any luck he likes pretzels.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and Randall Patrick McMurphy) invited.

Charge Of The White Brigade

You Built (Sh)it

The Republican’t National Convention 2012, The Afterbirthmath

September 1, 2012

 

 

    “If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.”

Joseph Goebbels/Republican’t Party 2012 mission statement

Hello sports fans. I'm back from Tampa and my exhaustive and excruciating coverage of the 2012 RNC.  Full disclosure: I was not in Tampa, it just seemed appropriate to open with a lie and I did not run a three-hour marathon.  I wanted to keep with the theme of the Assault-On-Reality that was the 2012 RNC.  Lying. 

For those of you wise enough to have ignored the Republican’t convention, I salute you; then I assault you.  You’re not getting off that easy.  Of course it’s no surprise that the Republican’t Party lies and stupids.  You go with your strengths.  But they didn’t just repeat their most important lies over and over.  They created a complete alternate reality, every word made up to fit the mood they need to create.  Goebbels would have been proud.  Just like their now-disavowed/disappeared past “president” they did everything possible to “catapult the propaganda,” but I don’t know where they’ll find the time to repeat all of the lies often enough.  I wish they’d just pick a few of the best ones and stick with them.  Speaking of disappeared former “presidents,” George’s little brother was invited to carry the Bush legacy forward, preferably without mentioning anything about the span of time between 2000 and 2008.  Talk about doing the dirty work.  You’d think he’d have changed his last name to Saud by now.

Jeb Bush, hoping Romney will lose so he can run in 2016, did give a shout-out to his idiot brother, “My brother, well, I love my brother.”  Now there’s a heartrending endorsement of the last Republican’t president.  Very warm that Bush family.  That was said right after he waxed nostalgic about his family’s selfless service to American politics, beginning with his grandfather.  What Jeb didn’t bother to mention was that his granddad, the great American, Prescott Bush, helped finance Hitler’s Third Reich.  A little thing I know, but somehow it seems like it could be important.  And I’m sure it was an oversight, due to the excrement excitement of the moment, that caused Jeb to omit his father’s long and profitable relationship with the Saudi royal family (including the Saudi prince they call Bandar Bush) as well as the bin Laden family - all very nice people I’m sure.  And, his brother, well, you know how I feel about his brother.  There’s no need to go on about The Worst “President” In American History.  That’s the past.  It has nothing to do with the present.  That was made clear every day by each and every Republican’t lying at the convention.

Choosing schools = choosing milk, buying broccoli = purchasing medical care – it’s all the same to Republican’ts.  They fight the good fight against women’s rights, against fighting poverty, against science, civil rights, education, taxes on rich people, universal health care, peace.  They promise to stop the environment.  They promise to put an end to evolution.  They know they can get Romney more than the 0% of the black vote he currently polls at.

They love their guns even though their beloved Second Amendment couldn’t keep their worst nightmare from happening – Obama in the White House.  They plan to fix that by running the guy they hate only slightly less – Willard Mitt Romney, or Rip Nomney as Paul Lyin’ Ryan called him in a recent interview.  Ryan, the only thing that might make Willard palatable to non-Mor(m)ons, also wowed the intellectually-and-factually-challenged crowd in Tampa, eliciting this glowing review: “...Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech.” - Sally Kohn, Fox News.  When pressed for explanation Romney campaign’s official pollster, Neil Newhouse told ABC news, “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.”  Like I said, you go with your strengths.

Willard, the Sybil of policy positions, whined that “President Obama began with an apology tour. America, he said, had dictated to other nations. No Mr. President, America has freed other nations from dictators.”  On this The Willard is correct; it’s just that all the dictators we ousted were the same ones we put in power earlier.

The grand finale had the newest version of the Willard Mitt Romney device teleprompting his most carefully chosen words to the live audience, paid to be there in person, and out across the public airwaves that The Willard and his fellow Republican’ts must surely despise because they didn’t build it.  Normal humans watching this soliloquy would have only heard a small fraction of the actual message, most of which populates the range of sound audible only to dogs, bats and Tea Party denizens.

One human observer noted that The Willard began to choke up during his big speech.  He’s no John Boehner, whose normal alcohol levels allow him to cry at the drop of a hate.  What was actually happening at that moment was merely Romney exhibiting very typical vulture behavior.  Vultures circle around in search of the weak, the dying and the dead.  They eat the dead - nasty business, but some one’s got to do it.  They regurgitate the partially digested blacks Hispanics gays women detritus into their craws to fend off predators with a putrid stench that would choke a skunk.  This particular vulture was keenly aware that the crowd before him was much more comfortable detesting him than accepting him as their champion so his defenses were up.  But, the fact is, there’s a Black Man in the White House and this angry mob will do whatever it takes to fix this problem.  Anyway, this is what was interpreted as The Willard ‘choking up.’  An honest mistake I’m sure.  And probably the only honest thing to occur during the entire Republican’t convention. 

Oh, and Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair for twelve minutes during prime time.  There wasn't a dry crotch in the house.

                                             They pledge allegiance to themselves

                                                  Not the United States of America
                                                  And screw the Republic for which it stands
                                                  What assholes, oh my God
                                                  Where’s liberty and justice for all?

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and Fred Thompson debating an empty chair) invited.

Oops, apparently Fred Thompson is an empty chair.