Schrodinger’s Candidate

Inside The Escher-esque Labyrinth That Is W. Mitt Romney’s Head

After The Rain, The Other Side of Sandy

October 30, 2012 

For those of you not into physics, there’s a thought experiment/paradox known as Schrodinger’s Cat.  Briefly, there’s a cat in a box such that it cannot be seen by observers of the experiment.  The cat may or may not be alive, depending on the outcome of a random event inside the box, but there's no way of knowing the condition of the cat without opening the box, an act that is not part of the experiment.  Here’s where it gets really interesting: Some interpretations hold that the cat is both dead and alive.  It’s all very interesting and mystifying. 

This, as far as anyone can tell, is the essence of W. Mitt's candidacy.  This candidate is both for and against every single issue that comes before him.  This would seem to be unthinkable in the real world, but is rather common in the world of quantum physics.  For example, depending on the experiment being done, light either appears as a wave or a particle.  This at first seemed to be an irreconcilable puzzle, but scientists ultimately decided there was no choice but to consider light as a wavicle.  But, things are not supposed to be this bizarre once you get out of the subatomic world.  However, science may have to revise everything after doing the autopsy on W. Mitt Romney's through-the-lying-looking-glass campaign.  It appears that Romney is either completely bereft of the ability to hold a position for any length of time, like a quark, or he is in fact Schrodinger’s Candidate.  Able to hold two completely incompatible positions simultaneously.  I’m starting to think I had old W. Mitt all wrong.  Romney may apparently be some kind of metaphysical marvel.  And not just his underwear.  (W. Mitt first appeared in Ed Venture's science news on this site on July 5, 2012 - The Romney Uncertainty Principle.)

W. Mitt talking out of both ends of his tube



Here's an example of Willard's multiplicity in action: He says the government shouldn’t back potential groundbreaking companies like Solyndra but it should funnel billions of taxpayer dollars to bolster a parasitical prosperous company like Exxon, which makes more money than God…every quarter.  I won’t trouble you with the 4,089 other easily-found examples of Romney’s Schrodinger-like duplicity; suffice it to say that if I did we would all be both dead and alive in a matter of seconds, but probably not in equal amounts.

Most American voters do not understand quantum physics.  Most Romney voters don’t believe in the existence of physics or science of any kind.  They feel that gravity is just a theory and therefore open to debate, and that debate will surely be won, they insist, by their well-funded team whose collective IQ would surely suffer a coronary in its attempt to reach double digits.

In any event it’s time for each candidate to find their final message to carry them across the finish line. Willard Romney is running on “Change.”  This is an altogether appropriate theme for the man who has done nothing but change...his opinions...on every issue...every six seconds.  A less polite reporter would translate Romney's Change as Lie, but that is only because this is what he does every time sound accompanies the tepid air insulting the air around him when his mouth opens.  I hope you will not find a less polite reporter than this one, so let me take a stab at it.  W. Mitt has never in fact changed a position.  He never had a position.  All he has is imposition.  How does he do it?  Volume.

Barack Obama has decided to close out this campaign with the theme of Integrity, as in which candidate do you think has even a shred of it.  On this final leg Obama has the strong support of Bruce Springsteen while Willard has enlisted the musical backing of Pot Roast, I mean Meat Load...umm Meat Laugh, er, Loaf...hey Willard the Seventies called and they want their B-level talent back.  You may know Meat as one of the pathetic losers on king-of-pathetic-losers Donald Trump's Celebrity Asshole Apprentice or perhaps his lunch-wrenching stint on Celebrity Rehab.  I guess Romney had to bring out the big over-the-hill guns to help push his Final Lies Tour.

 

 

Willard maintains a terrifyingly tenuous tether to the truth.  If only because one must know the truth in order to so consistently keep it at arm's length, or in W. Mitt's case, strapped to the roof of his car. 

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

 

 

Third Time's A Scam

All Policy Is Foreign To W. Mitt Romney
My Kingdom For A Horse And A Bayonet 

Boca Raton, FL

October 24, 2012

Sorry for the delay but it took me this long to stop spinning like a gyroscope after watching Romney’s prodigious pirouetting over the course of the last two debates, especially that third one.  I wonder if he gets dizzier than usual doing this.  I don’t know how Obama kept his eyes on old Willard without getting motion sickness.  Mr. Flip-Flop was whirling like Looney Toons’ Tazmanian Devil hopped up on Meth, minus Taz’s charm.  Nonetheless, Obama dispatched Romney like Cassius Clay manhandling Sonny Liston.  If the third Obama vs. Romney debate had been a boxing match, the magic underwear towel would have surely come flying into the ring from the Romney corner.

I do feel sorry for Mr. Bush Romney.  The theme of the debate was after all Foreign Policy and policy of any kind is clearly foreign to Willard, especially when it involves foreign.  If we had any doubts about Willard’s grasp of the world-outside-his-magic-underwear-shoes, he forcefully and permanently put them to rest on Monday night.  Willard 3.0 apparently didn’t have the time to formulate new positions so he just repeated whatever Obama said, or in some way echoed the policies already in place.  All of course completely at odds with everything he had been parroting up until that time.  Romney is in the last throes, if you will, of trying to appeal to the undecided regular folks in Medieval America, but his new Obama-lite foreign-policy-like babblings are confusing the compromise-intolerant rabble still sitting at home scratching their heads and asses simultaneously. 

Romney is admittedly not interested in foreign affairs, other than the wonderful missionary position he assumed while living in comfy digs with a chef and all the amenities, avoiding the Vietnam draft thanks to the special Mormon deferment loophole.  I say missionary position because obviously it is the job of a missionary in that position to try to fuck everyone in their path using the same worn-out posturing to con them into joining his church - dead or alive.  Willard’s other international experience includes the considerable fortune he has amassed by sending an untold number of American jobs and companies to China to pad his secretive fortune, a fortune which itself has considerable experience with international affairs as it turns out.

Bush’s Romney’s foreign policy team includes such recycled dim bulbs as Dan Senor, who previously acted as the Bilge-Meister of Baghdad while plying his only actual foreign policy duties during the Bush/Cheney years as spokesman for the moronically incompetent Coalition Provisional Authority chief Paul Bremmer during the good old days in Iraq.  The Sultan of Spin has also retained the services of War Monger extraordinaire and all-around mental midget John Bolton to help formulate Romney’s wars foreign policy.  Conversely, the President, for this occasion, apparently relied on former brilliant comedian/author Al Franken, now a U.S. senator from Minnesota, to combat the ever-elusive Willard of Wigglesworth. 

Obama tried to explain many things to Willard who mostly sat there looking like he was fighting off some serious diarrhea.  And not the kind with which we are all familiar that happens when his mouth opens.  Nobody in their right mind found Romney a credible Commander in Chief based on his performance, and I do mean performance, during the third and final debate.  After the debate Romney mewed, “I thought what the president was saying was pretty good, but I knew many Americans would think it sounded better coming from me – I’m white.”  Willard the Mirage is on the wane.  Unto this mighty Mor(m)on I say, feel free to fade completely from view until all that remains visible is your bogus Cheshire Cat grin.  Apologies to the Cheshire Cat.

All we can hope for now is that the myriad Bain-owned voting machines are not allowed to create their own vote counts in the swing states on November 6^th.  We need an army of international observers to assure a legitimate vote count.  Unlike rape, there are in fact illegitimate elections here in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.  Do the name George W. Bush ring a bell?  Even America has no way of shutting that whole thing down after being illegitimately electioneered.  I guess it’s just another method of conception election according to the likes of vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan.  Especially if someone is illegitimately "elected" and it is God's intention that they become "president" anyway.

R.I.P. George McGovern  July 19, 1922 - October 21, 2012

Keep plenty of Votegra handy.  Don’t let Electile Dysfunction ruin your Election Day.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and a legitimate election) invited.

Tableau For Two

Obama's Recovery Act

Hofstra University, NY

October 18, 2012 

I have to sympathize with Barack Obama.  It must be hard trying to look like a not-angry angry black man in America, even if you are the President of the United States.  Barack Obama may not have been the one wearing magic underwear at his second debase debate with Willard “If-It-Was-Possible-To-Lie-More-Than-I-Already-Do-I’d-Sure-Consider-It-I’m-Running-For-Office-For-Pete’s-Sake” Romney, but he somehow had his Mojo back.  He did a great job of finally calling a spade a spade.  Apparently this caused Willard’s clone son Tagg to “want to rush down to the debate stage and take a swing at him. But you know you can’t do that because, well, first there’s a lot of secret service agents between you and him…”  I wonder how Tagg felt when his dad called him a liar during the first debate.  Hey Tagg, maybe you should consider trying to get your old man to stop lying every time he opens his mouth.  Or maybe you’re afraid he’ll outsource your sorry ass to China.

Romney’s platform is simple:  

   Romney: Every American will have their own Unicorn when I am president.

   Undecided Voter: But Unicorns don’t exist.

   Romney: That’s not important right now. The important thing is that you can trust me when I say every American will have their own Unicorn under a Romney administration. I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this answer.

   Undecided Voter: But governor Unicorn...I mean Romney, there is no such thing as Romneys...I mean Unicorns. The science is quite clear on this. Nobody has ever seen a Unicorn in the known history of humankind. We have fossil evidence that there were dinosaurs, but not one shred of evidence of the existence of Unicorns. How can you stand there and tell us we’ll all have our very own Unicorns? By the way, do you believe there were dinosaurs?

   Romney: Unicorns are people my friend. I cannot tell you exactly how I will put a Unicorn in every American home until I am officially sworn in as president.

   Undecided Voter: Are you high?

   Romney: I am a Mor(m)on sir. I don’t even drink coffee and I frankly resent the implication that just because I have stood up here lying and misrepresenting everything I campaigned on up until this moment that somehow this has anything to do with my ability to lead 53% of this nation into a prosperous future. I am offended by your question sir.

   Undecided Voter: I am a woman Mr. Romney. But thank you so much for clearing that up, severely-conservative-governor Romney. Does everyone in Massachusetts now have a Unicorn?

   Romney: No they do not, just guaranteed health care...for now. I was saving this incredible Unicorn plan for my time as president.

   Undecided Voter: So you stand by your promise to give each and every American a Unicorn once you become president.

   Romney: Sir, I don’t know where you got such an outlandish idea. I never said anything about anyone getting Unicorns. Are you on drugs or just part of the 47% who thinks they’re entitled to government Unicorns?

   Undecided Voter: Hurray! We’re all getting Unicorns. USA, USA, USA!

 

 

I guess Willard was reading too much Mao before the debate. He couldn’t stop talking about his “Five Year Point Plan.” And you might not have noticed he always held up his left hand to emphasize this point.  Was Willard sending secret signals to all the communists he hopes will vote for him?  For more details on Romney’s incredible Unicorns plan to save the economy see the exchange recounted above.

During the debate we learned that before Willard had blinders on regarding women, he called for "binders full of women."  Then we learned that, strangely enough, Willard was lying about those binders full of women.  He hadn’t, as he claimed, been told where to find a buried binder of golden plates inscribed with the names of qualified women by an angel in a vision he had.  Nor had he asked for them at all; they were delivered unto him and his opponent by a group advocatiing for a more substantial number of women in Massachusetts government.  To his credit, Mr. Romney and his opponent, a woman, agreed. 

Upon being elected governor, Romney did in fact appoint many women, most of whom soon quit and were replaced by men, leaving Massachusetts with fewer women in government at the end of his term than when he started.  I’m not sure if that had anything to do with the huge fiscal deficit Romney left behind or the fact that he’s now behind Obama by close to thirty points in the presidential election.  The only good thing Romney did as governor was provide universal health care in his state, which he now hopes to destroy by repealing Obamacare. 

More recently Romney showed his respect for women by backing out of a scheduled appearance along with his wife on The View.  Willard was earlier referring to the non-conservative women on the view as "high risk" interviewers and "sharp-tongued," particularly Whoopi Goldberg.  So brave Sir Willard sent his wife in his stead.

Speaking of our undying respect for women, the Green Party's presidential candidate, Dr. Jill Stein - mother, physician and teacher of internal medicine - and her running mate Cheri Honkala were arrested outside Hofstra University, site of the second debate, and shakled to metal chairs for eight hours.  The Green Party in on the ballot for 85% of voters.  The Green Party duo was merely attempting to get a seat at this unfairly-exclusive table for two.  It should be noted that the two interlopers were brandishing an American flag.  The nerve.

Two things should make us all feel a little safer though.  At least there was no substantive discussion of gun control and most important there was not a single mention of climate change or environmental protections of any kind, even with all the talk about the continued wanton incineration of coal, petroleum and natural gas.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and more George McGoverns) invited.

Pompous Circumstances

Willard Romney, Inc. 

Land of The Latter Day Saints...and Sinners

October 14, 2012 

Corporations are people my friends.  Or so I have heard.  And one of those people is Willard Romney.  Willard "Bain" Romney still has oodles (a reported $8M) of stock in Bain Capital, stock that continues to pour money into his already very deep pockets and will continue to do so even if he is elected...well you know.  In the grand tradition of Dick "Halliburton" Cheney, Romney wants to bring his CEO sensibility to Pennsylvania Avenue.  If there is a God I hope he has not been surreptitiously baptized as a Mormon.

Sensata Technology, a company under the loving control thumb of Bain Capital, has just been legitimately raped, its jobs killed and en route to China.  Bain of course was a ballbreaker groundbreaker in the great outsourcing movement back when Willard and his merry money magnates realized it was much easier to "harvest" already existing companies than to do an honest day's work.  Sensata's workers were forced to train Chinese workers to do their jobs, for which these replacements will be paid less than a dollar an hour and work under shockingly inhuman conditions.  The American flag outside the plant where some have worked for over forty years was taken down while the Chinese were stealing American jobs and replaced only after they left, training and jobs in hand.  WTF.

Sensata's non-union workers have been protesting to keep their jobs right here in America.  They have also been getting arrested for civil disobedience actions in their efforts to stop trucks from removing all the equipment they have been using for years.  Sensata was a highly profitable company right up until their company was snatched right out of their hands.  The 179 Sensata workers who are losing their jobs to China have asked Romney to use his considerable influence at Bain to save their jobs.  Willard has refused to meet with the workers, presumably because he cares so much for 100% of Americans.  It couldn't be clearer that Romney wants to sell this country right out from under us to the Chinese while hiding all his profits offshore to make his piracy complete.  I wonder if they misspelled Bane on purpose.

Willard Romney is a corporation my friends.  He is a heartless capitalist.  It matters little that he, as Paul Ryan emoted during his spanking by Joe Biden in the recent debate, offered to help a desperate family belonging to his church in Massachusetts.  Even Attila The Hun had friends that he graciously never killed.  In fact Romney's "charitable" largesse is mostly felt by the Mormon Church, so it's not so much charity as doctrinal duty.  And he magnanimously decided not to report all of tax-deductible contributions so that he could continue to claim he never paid less than 13% in federal taxes.  As you know, Mr. Romney makes more every year just sitting on his magic underwear than the combined lifetime earnings of everyone reading this.  Did you know that the Mormon Church doesn't tell its members how it spends their money?  Did you know that the Mormon Church won't disclose its finances to the government of the United States?  Guess that's where Willard learned his fiscal manners.

As for Paul "I-wouldn't-know-the-truth-if-it-bit-me-in-the-ass" Ryan, he showed us just what he's made of as he babbled well-rehearsed talking points all night.  The one thing that came right from his heart was his rabid anti-choice position.  The Supreme Court according to Rand Ryan has no authority since they are merely unelected officials.  I wonder if he felt that way when they handed George W. Bush his illegitimate "presidency" in 2000.  With any luck he will live out the rest of his days in shamed obscurity alongside the sparkling lightweights Dan Quayle, Admiral Stockwell, Joe Lieberman and Sarah Palin, who is now trying to cash in on her dwindling celebrity with a book on throwing-fits fitness.  I hope Ryan's chance to do the same will come sooner than later.  He certainly is physically fit.  And after all, what more could you want from a vice president.

It's no wonder Joe Biden couldn't stop laughing during his debate with Goober.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

 

A Tale Of Two Parties

No Left Turns Allowed 

Battleground, USA

October 13, 2012 

Maybe it’s just me, but I could have sworn I saw Jeb Bush stand in front of his fellow Republican’ts in Tampa saying that his brother, George W. Bush “kept us safe” while he was president.  As I said, maybe it’s me, but my memory is that George W. Bush was, by whatever means, president of the United States beginning on January 20, 2001.  My memory further informs me, now correct me if I’m wrong, that after this dipshit was appointed president by the illegal incursion of the Supreme Court into Florida’s counting of the votes, he took a long vacation. 

To be fair, before his month-long vacation after being on the job-he-wanted-to-get-but-not-to-do for barely six months, he worked diligently and swiftly to evaporate the huge budget surplus bequeathed him by one William Jefferson Clinton.  He achieved this objective by giving most of our money to the wealthiest one percent.  Meanwhile his vice-president/overlord was plotting the last throes of the environment and the invasion of Iraq, but that’s a different story. 

Then Bush went to his “ranch” in Crawford, TX to clear some brush, play video games and drool on himself - he would not lose consciousness after being beaten to a pulp by a Ninja pretzel for another six months - while ignoring mountains of credible intelligence from across the globe and from the CIA, including the August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing entitled “Bin Laden Determined To Strike In U.S.”  And now we have learned that there were many more attempts by the CIA warning of an imminent assault, all ignored by BushCo for some unexplainable reason.  It’s almost as though their primary foreign policy concern, from the moment they took the White House, was invading Iraq and making billions for Halliburton to fund Cheney’s retirement.

Bush Beaten By Pretzel, Even Supreme Court Declines To Prosecute

 

Brother Jeb gets to say George “kept us safe” on national television and the liberal mainstream media is too busy watching Clint Eastwood talk to an empty chair to notice.  The only thing Jeb and the Republican’ts mentioned less than George W. Bush was the war in Afghanistan, a war begun under Jeb’s brother’s watch, a war they were unable to mention one singe time during their entire con-vention.  Not one single word about the longest war in American history.  Let’s not forget that after abandoning Afghanistan and illegally invading Iraq, the Republican’ts’ feckless leader put a ban on allowing returning coffins to be photographed; Obama oversaw the rescinding of that ban.  Not only were the  Bushies intent on hiding the war from the accountants, but from the American public as well.  Can you imagine the shriek and caw we would have heard if the parties in this story had been reversed?

Skip ahead to May 1, 2011 - eight years after Bush's MISSION ACCOMPLISHED moment.  Barack Obama is commander-in-chief.  He makes a tough decision – no I’m not talking about extending Bush’s disastrous tax-cuts-for-the-rich.  Obama sends Navy Seal Team 6 into Pakistan (whence Bush fled and Romney swore not to go), to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden.  The man who planned and took pride in the attack on September 11, 2001, the attack that happened on George W. Bush’s watch, while he was keeping us safe…from unruly shrubbery.  The man who George W. Bush, six months after allowing the worst attack on American soil - on his watch, declared he was not concerned about.

The same Republican’ts who oversaw overlooked the 9/11 attacks could not find it in themselves to give credit where credit is due.  Since the whole 9/11 thing was little more than a prop for the party of Lincoln-turning-over-in-his-grave, they were hoping all the glory derived from it would be theirs.  They were too gutless to admit they were in charge when the shit hit the fan and too worthless to acknowledge that someone finally made good on the job they failed to do - killing America’s most wanted villain.  Ten years after Bush became unconcerned about him.  Yet they insisted Bush, not Obama, deserved the credit for killing bin Laden.  AYFKM.

Apparently the Republican’ts have completely forgotten that they started a war that they quickly walked away from to go after Saddam Hussein’s oil wells in Iraq.  They walked away, but left a bunch of our people there in Afghanistan, wandering around with no clear mission, just hoping not to get killed for no clear reason - like all those who died that way in Iraq between 2003, when Bush illegally sent troops there, until 2011 when Obama finally put a stop to it.  Whatever happened to the wailing and gnashing of teeth over anyone dissing a president during time of war?  I guess if you pretend we’re not at war it’s acceptable?  What about the danger of changing the commander-in-chief while our nation is at war?  I guess that too is fair game if that commander is a Democrat and you’re trying as hard as you can to ignore the fact that our people are in harm’s way.  That we are still engaged in a war that George W. Bush began/ignored.  What is it with these assholes?

In case any Republican’ts get happen to see this I’ll make it simple:

George W. Bush                                                         Barack Obama

Allowed worst attack on American soil           Allowed zero massive attacks on American soil

Started illegal war in Iraq                                            Ended illegal war in Iraq

Quickly lost interest in eliminating bin Laden                          Eliminated bin Laden 

Yes, George W. Bush is gone, but his misery memory lives on.  His economy, his Crusade to force democracy across the Middle East, his destruction of education.  And his party lies on.  And Willard Romney has hired many of George's "advisors" to build his policies-du-jour.  Who knows what Romney might actually do as president?  One thing for sure, he will continue the loud sucking sounds George Bush made.  In magic underwear.

My brain hurts. 

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.

Gimme That Old Time Revision

Obama: I disagree with you Governor Romney.

Romney: Romney? Who you calling Romney? Who ever said my name was Romney? What you talkin' 'bout Willis?

Electionville, 2012

October 4, 2012

Willard "Etch-a-Sketch" Romney came out loaded for bear in his first 2012 debate with an actual human.  He was sharp, his hair was perfect, he was pumped.  He was downright uppity.  He was clearly lying in wait; then he was just clearly lying. 

The man whose face you see in the Guinness Book of World Records for Campaign Liars quickly let loose with one of his well-rehearsed zingers, accusing Obama of being dishonest saying, "Look, I have five boys, I'm used to people saying something that isn't always true and keep on saying it hoping ultimately I will believe it.”  Talk about the pot calling the kettle boy. 

This is the same guy who tried to lie about his skin color when he spoke to an all Hispanic audience a few weeks ago.  He may have overdone it a bit, ending up almost as dark as Obama, although clearly much more orange.

Luckily he had enough time to whiten back up before the big debate where contrast would be crucial having given up any hope of getting any non-white votes:

It was easy for Obama to appear to be short on facts since Romney’s details and positions change more often than the price of a gallon of gas.  Whenever Obama thought he had Romney pinned down on some well-established policy position, Romney simply changed everything you thought you knew about his position.  Willard is the guy who in February 2012 said, “I’m not familiar precisely with exactly what I said but, I stand by what I said whatever it was.”  The difference now is that he will never again stand by anything he ever said or might say at any time in the future.

The only thing we know for sure about Willard Romney is that he won’t be showing us any more tax returns because that might be construed as, you know, honest or something.  Willard had to provide the McCain campaign ten years of returns after Romney failed miserably in his first presidential bid in the 2008 primary and then lost his vice-presidential bid to half-term, half-wit Sarah Palin.  Romney also demanded ten years of tax returns from Boy Wonderbread Paul Ryan before ruining Ryan’s career (thanks for that at least) by selecting him as his running mate, thereby exposing Ryan, his lies and his magical math to the entire country.  Romney’s father disclosed twelve years of tax returns during his bid for the presidency in 1967.

After watching the ease with which Romney creates a new reality at the drop of a hat, I hope we can all work together to avoid a Romney presidency and let lying dogs sleep.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and whiter whites) invited.

 

Waiting With Debated Breath

Obama vs. Romney, Round One

Denver, Colorado

October 2, 2012

Many thoughts and feelings fill our minds and hearts as America prepares itself for the first Big “Debate” of the 2012 election cyclone.  Questions, questions, questions, flooding the minds of today’s nauseated concerned voters.  Who will win?  Who will lose?  Will I be able to stay awake?  Will I be able to keep my dinner down?  Who will suffer the most zings and arrows of outrageous rehearsals?  Brother can you spare a dime?

The two candidates and their merry men have spent the last two weeks lowering expectations, trying desperately to impress us with their own candidate’s stunning inability to perform under the big lights of a nationally televised (exchange-which-in-no-way-should-be-considered-a) debate.  In preparation for the battle to see who can better fit their usual talking points into a question/answer/rebuttal format, both candidates have been practicing hard, losing valuable fundraising and glad-handing time.

Team Romney has been coaching their “guy” to try to seem human, perhaps even empathetic.  They are working feverishly to plan out as many spontaneous moments as possible for the man who's social skills are somewhere in the Caymans.  One source who refused to be named told me, “We had to tell him over and over not to attempt to do any singing.  I can’t tell you how many times we had the conversation - ‘No sir, we’re talking about zingers sir. No we don’t want you to name singers sir, not really sure why you think that would win you the debate sir.  No we don’t want you to be a singer sir, just try to say the words we planned sir.  No sir no melody needed sir.  Yes I think we’re clear on this now. Sir we really need you to watch some TV to see how regular people without Swiss bank accounts really live. No sir, not everyone actually has a Swiss bank account. No, most people pay a little more than 14% in federal taxes sir, so no you probably shouldn’t be bragging about that too much sir.’  Yeah, there was a lot of that kind of thing going on during prep month.  I’d say we’re pretty screwed, but hey it pays well.”

Team Obama meanwhile has its work cut out making sure the President doesn’t get too ticked off and call in a drone strike.  They’ve also spent time trying to teach their charge how to look relaxed but not high.  And they’ve also told him not to break into song, but for a completely different reason than the opposition.  Apparently team Obama has decided against trying to lighten up the President for the occasion, figuring people are already all too familiar with the fact that he’s not as white as they’d like him to be.

Personally, I’m waiting to see what color Williard Romney will be.  Normally he’s as white as Wonder Bread.  But when he spoke before an audience of Hispanics last month, desperately trying to win at least their votes, he had dyed himself to such a degree that he made John Boehner look like Michael Jackson.

The big problem for Romney of course is that he will be speaking.  You can expect the following zingers from Mr. Romney:

            -Are you talking to me?

            -Oh yeah, if I had $10,000 for every time I heard that...

            -Yeah, I guess that's how they do things at your elitist Harvard...where I also
             went to  school...oh, never mind.

            -Well let me just say that you were for that before I was against it.
            -So you live in the White House...you didn't build that.
            -How can you accuse me of hating on the 47% of Americans that don't pay
             income tax when I'm one of them...zing!!

All in all your best bet is probably watching the whole thing with the sound off and your eyes closed, but I can't because I. Mangrey...

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and more Romney zingers) invited.