Stupidity Is Stranger Than Fiction

The God, The Bad and The Unbelievable

March 29, 2013

Worst Book Report Ever

If you haven’t seen the new miniseries, The Bible, consider yourself lucky. Rumor has it that God is turning over in His (or Her) grave. The Hitler History Channel miniseries, produced by Roma Downey and her husband, Mark Burnett, the guy who brought you Survivor and Celebrity Apprentice. So you know it’s got to be something special. SPOILER ALERT: Jesus gets thrown off the island crucified. The new miniseries, which the producer says will get over a billion new people to open up a Bible, also boasts his wife, who looks like she’s had her face tightened up so much that her navel is just below her nose, as the Virgin Mary (who appears nowhere in the Bible I grew up with, but that’s a He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named of a different feather altogether). Personally I plan to make every effort to miss each griping episode, no matter how many times they are aired.

Downey and Burnett with best bud and famous psycho Glen Beck



The Mouth That Roared

In other news of the rich and vapid, Donald Chump Trump who bullied an entire town on the Scottish coast into selling their homes so he could build one (apparently two actually) more useless golf course on what is now one less environmentally sensitive and unspoiled area, is throwing yet another of his patented hissy fits because of the potential erection of a wind farm right next to his precious new playground for the ne'er-do-well-to-do. Not content with the damage he's already done, forcing people from their homes and destroying the local landscape,  The Hair That Roared is hot to build a second course right next to the one he just had built. The man who wouldn’t know an eyesore if it stared him in the mirror every single day for decades thinks the wind turbines will foul the view of his grotesque mutilation of this previously exquisite section of Scottish coastline.

This coastline features a unique dune ecosystem, which provides scientists tremendous insight into the interaction between the ocean and the coastline, particularly as regards climate change. Or at least it once did.

This pig-in-weasel’s-clothing continues his classless assault on the human race as he careens toward his fifth round of bankruptcy. Apparently the enormous amount of money pumped into the project enabled English golf architect Martin Hawtree to disfigure the land to an unprecedented degree. Who could ask for more? It seems Trump's golf architect has done for the Scottish coastline what Trump has done for human hair design. Permission was initially denied by the local Aberdeenshire Council, whose decision was overturned by the Scottish government's claim that it was in Scotland's best interests…that and the likely massive bribes proffered by The Douchebag Donald.

Supreme Ignorance

Finally, our esteemed Supreme Court is showing off its unique brilliance as it battles against civil rights for gays and lesbians. Anthrax Antonin Scalia repeatedly referred to California's female Attorney General Kamala Harris, who along with her state's governor refused to defend Proposition 8 finding it unconstitutional, as "he." Not sure what that's about - I'll assume it's just blinkered-philistine-pig-ignorance with a side of misogyny. Scalia, as is now becoming a weekly event, cited non-existent research saying that same-sex couples are damaging their children and Sam "The Sham" Alito worries that gay marriage is "newer than cell phones or the internet" and is therefore too new for the High Court to discuss. One can't help but wonder if he takes his head out of his ass to use his cell phone. It would seem that Alito would prefer a more gradual progression of fair treatment under the law, like we saw with women's suffrage, equal voting rights and inter-racial marriage. Because America's stance on those issues over the years made us look so intelligent and civilized. Thankfully the more evolved, liberal (i.e., non-hate-mongering) justices are doing a good job of keeping their less coherent brethren in check. Clarence Thomas remains in a virtual coma.

She Quits, Mouth Runs, All Errors

Also, Sarah Palin just can't STFU.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Rage against the machine invited.

 

The Punk, The Godfather and A Bumbling Bush

White Gets In Your Eyes

Around the World and into your face

March 16, 2013

Well, there was white smoke at The Vatican, but all we’ve got in Washington, D(ou)C(he) is a White Schmuck, by the name of Paul Ryan. The 2012 losing VP candidate has unleashed his “new” “budget” proposal on an incredibly underwhelmed public. Though it’s not completely white - he did manage to string together a few words, but of course there are no numbers - there’s plenty of smoke and more than a modicum of mirrors in Ryan’s “latest” façade of a budget. It's just a repackaged version of the budget the dress-and-lipstickless version of Sarah Palin waved around during the catastrophic Romney/Ryan campaign to ru(i)n America. America despised his budget last fall and they will continue to loathe it now. The Great White Poop continues to channel the right wing's most beloved psychopath Ayn Rand's hatred of everyone making less than $250K a year, and combined her inimitable charm with the unwavering resoluteness of persona non grata George W. Bush. Can you say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED?

At least Ryan is consistent. He persists in holding to his vicious principals (except when he denounced his biggest political influence, Ayn Rand, during the 2012 campaign), the centerpiece of which is, of course, repealing Obamacare despite the fact that a large majority of the American people just thumbed their collective nose at his Randian rubbish, preferring a foreign-born, America-hating, not-entirely-white, secret Muslim to the Tea Party Darling and his anti-47% running mate. Our dashing young dipshit also seems to have missed the news that the ultra-conservative Supreme Court pronounced Obamacare legal.

Ryan also continues his crusade to kill Medicare and Medicaid, and I quote “...because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.” Most people assume this was merely a Freudian slip, but as we saw with this man who clearly pays more attention to his body than his brain, and his human-etch-a-sketch running mate, they don't like most Americans and they certainly don't like the government helping those making under $250K/yr. The feeling is mutual.

"Ayn Rand wouldn't kick me out of bed."

I'm sure Ryan feels right at home with the Republican'ts in the House of "Representatives" who just unanimously voted down any increase in the minimum wage. Republican'ts, who only remain a majority in the House because of very creative and extraordinarily cynical redistricting, insist that allowing workers to afford food, clothing and shelter all at the same time would increase unemployment when what they're really angry about is that unemployment is steadily declining under our re-elected Kenyan/Muslim/Marxist/socialist president. Hey Boehner, is that a gun barrel in your mouth or are you just glad to see me?

"If I don't get a drink soon, I'm gonna gavel myself to death."

 

In related white smoke - or at least white - news, Antonin Scalia has taken the other eight Supreme Court justices hostage claiming that the new Pope was not properly elected. In a crayon-written note thrown at an anxious S.W.A.T. team stationed outside the Court, Scalia charged, “Once you give a small unelected group the unchallenged power to elect their chosen one to a very prestigious office it’s very hard to change the rules. Just like allowing nig black people to vote without any restrictions, as a form of racial entitlement, your country, or church or what-have-you is doomed. We cannot allow this pro-working-class archbishop, though in his defense he is virulently anti-gay, to take over the Vatican. Especially since there is a perfectly viable Pope emeritus still lurking nearby." Scalia told the press that he will not release his colleagues until he, and he alone, is given the power to name the next Pope or until Clarence Thomas says something intelligent during oral arguments. "Hey I was the guy who named our 43^rd president and he did a heck of a job. I'm the guy who understands the Founding Fathers' original intent and it so happens that I also know who Jesus' original intent. All I want is to appoint one damn Pope. And then I can go back to beating down the poor, the blacks, the gays, women and everyone making under $250K a year."

In even more news of the criminally dim and repugnant, Jeb Bush, apparently determined to out flip-flop Willard Romney as he kicks off his 2016 presidential campaign, “My guess is that history will be kind to my brother, the further out you get from this and the more people compare his tenure to what’s going on now. I think history will be kind to George W. Bush.” ^* The younger Bush continued, "I'm proud to be the son and brother of presidents of the United States. Not many people can say that, and probably nobody would admit it under the current circumstances, but what the hey, at least none of us is my brother Neil or my other brother Marvin, both of whom are felons more or less. In any event, my name is Jeb Washington and I approve this message." ^**

Which one is the drunk and which one is just Bush being Bush?

 

Stay tuned to this channel for further news of the hapless, helpless, hopeless and horrifying.

^*actual quote

^**actual fake quote 

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Reprehensible comment invited.

Antonin Scalia, Man of The (Rich, White) People

Scalia v. Justice
Protecting The Vote For White People and Corporations

The Supreme Court

March 2, 2013

I apologize for using the words justice and Antonin Scalia on the same page. It is beyond oxymoronic. The self-outed Tea Party Justice not to be confused with the eternally silent (while sitting on the bench at least) husband of outspoken, Tea addled Ginny Thomas, famous drunk-dialer of her husband's sexual harassment victim Anita Hill. Scalia, a clearly politically-biased judge, who hides behind his besotted insistence that he and he alone understands the minds of our Founding Fathers, still believes himself an originalist even after breaking the law by appointing our 43^rd president against the clear wishes of the American electorate. 

Scalia, the man who brought you “president” George W. Bush last year took it upon himself to regale the Supreme Court, government attorneys and the American public with Tea Party truthiness in his blatant attempt to derail the Affordable Health Care for Americans Act - now known as Obamacare. During oral arguments Scalia sounded more like Bill O’Reilly than a Supreme Court justice.  He compared health care to broccoli, bemoaning the possibility that the federal government might force people to buy broccoli after making medical insurance mandatory. How many people have gone bankrupt for wont of broccoli?

 

Because flipping the bird is too common

Scalia and his fellow travelers next reversed a century of legal precedent in destroying what semblance of democracy of, by and for the people remains with the vastly unpopular Citizens’ United decision. This outrageous decision all but assures that American politicians will be wholly owned by large corporations and perhaps foreign interests who can afford to influence elections at every level under the loving protection of this Supreme Court derision. These are not justices. They are political operatives albeit unelected ones.

This yutz, who calls himself an originalist, implying he is able to interpret the original intent of the Founders with Pope-like infallibility (something of which the Founders themselves were wholly incapable), thinks the 1965 Voting Rights Act is passé, while simultaneously asserting that the Second Amendment, written in 1791, applies perfectly well to assault weapons, grenade launchers and 100-round magazines for the mentally ill and suspected terrorists, and not just the original intent, which was musket-baring militias. Maybe Scalia's originalism is harkening back to the days of the Founders, who unfortunately couldn't even afford blacks personhood, let alone suffrage. Maybe Scalia should take a cue from the real Pope and begin his retirement now.

Republican'ts over the years have decried activist judges, which apparently means anyone to the left of Robert Bork. The current Court has done more legislating from the bench than should be possible in a democracy where the People are supposed to have the last say.

Now the esteemed court is taking a look at The Voting Rights Act, which in part ensures that Alaska, Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina and Virginia – all states with histories of...let’s call it discrimination – cannot suddenly decide to change their voting laws. Since the act passed in 1965 Congress has, by larger and larger margins, voted to extend it. Congress worked overtime to decide whether or not to extend it in 2006. They decided it was still necessary, voting overwhelmingly to extend it. Even the Supreme Court has upheld the constitutionality of the Voting Rights Act four times over forty years. But now Scalia, Roberts and Uncle Thomas are going to just spit on precedent and voting equality?

Scalia, during oral arguments on extending the Voting Rights Act this week growled, “This is not the kind of a question you can leave to Congress. There are certain districts in the House that are black districts by law just about now. And even the Virginia Senators, they have no interest in voting against this. The State government is not their government, and they are going to lose votes if they do not re-enact the Voting Rights Act. Even the name of it is wonderful: The Voting Rights Act. Who is going to vote against that in the future?” Not content that he had raised his racist bona fides high enough he continued, “This last enactment, not a single vote in the Senate against it. And the House is pretty much the same. Now, I don’t think that’s attributable to the fact that it is so much clearer now that we need this. I think it is attributable, very likely attributable, to a phenomenon that is called perpetuation of racial entitlement. It’s been written about. Whenever a society adopts racial entitlements, it is very difficult to get out of them through the normal political processes.” So this pompous, perpetual putz thinks that voting is a "perpetuation of racial entitlement?" Go fuck yourself figure.

Add to this Chimp Chief Justice John Roberts who, starting in his late 20s as one of Ronald Reagan’s sadistic minions, spent much of his legal career trying to destroy the Voting Rights Act. Roberts chose to fabricate statistics to support his disgraceful position during his oral arguments last week. I wonder if these guys have pointy hoods to go with their "judicial" robes.

Clarence Thomas...just watching. As always.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Righteous indignation invited.