Bachmann Bows Out, McCain Flexes His Bowels In Syria

Lady And The Grump 

Frostbite Fools, Minnesota

May 31, 2013 

Factually-challenged Tea Party Poster-child Michele “constantly-being-hitting-in-the-back-of-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat-eyes” Bachmannnnn has decided to call it quits after four terms in the House of Representatives. The Mouth from Minnesota, one of the silliest of a staggeringly silly cavalcade of 2012 Republican't presidential hopefuls is currently under psychiatric observation investigation for campaign ethics violations and is facing her stiffest re-election challenge to date. These, according to Bachmann, are not the reasons she has decided not to run for a fifth term.

Michele Bachmann never batted an eye after being whacked in the back of the head…clearly…ever

The Dizzy Duchess of Dumb has apparently concluded that representing an actual district populated by real people just wasn't working for her anymore and instead will use her brain cell to represent the inhabitants of the fantasy world inside her spacious noggin. "I'm getting the feeling my constituents want actual facts and as I've shown very clearly during my eight years in Congress and my God-given run for president, that is just a currency I refuse to deal in. There is a vast and wonderful world inside my head where our Founding Fathers ended slavery in the 1700s*, where the Census Bureau leads to internment camps*, where I can run free at the sight of a reality-based questioner*, where my gay husband is praised - not ridiculed - for running a clinic where sinners can undergo religious conversion therapy to suppress gay urges*, where hurricanes are God's way of telling us we need smaller government*. This is the wonderful world I choose to represent from here on out. I want to be in a place where the president can be impeached for…well you know, just because. And I know many of you will be right there with me."

Bachmann plans to "move in" with fellow political surrealist Sarah Palin who also has a substantial vacancy between her ears, yet continues to emit unintelligible torrents of words for no apparent reason. With any luck the two of them will spend the next year or so creating a Dream-Team ticket for the 2016 Tea Party presidential nomination. I can’t wait to see them battle it out with intellectually challenged up-and-comers like Rand Paul, Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz. Should be a regular Donnybrook of Dumbass. The third rail of these debates will be what many of us know as Reality.

Half Wit - Will Travel

In other fantasy I-lands, the eternally wrong, post-traumatic-stress-disordered egomaniac (emphasis on the maniac) and sore loser John McCain, still pretending he's president, sneaked into Syria to align himself with the rebels - whoever they are - recklessly undermining American foreign policy. While real-life president, Barack Obama attempts to dial back the non-drone-related war machine, taking time to discern whether any side in the Syrian civil war doesn't hate America, Sarah Palin's ex-running mate has gone AWOL under the pretense that he serves any useful purpose whatsoever. McCain insists that we need to be embroiled in another no-win death match in the Middle East as we inch dangerously close to having no wars in progress for the first time since George W. Bush illegally invaded Iraq and turned Afghanistan into a festering quagmire, further inflaming the entire Arab world's hatred of America.

McCain, who praised Muammar Gaddafi in 2009 is off making new friends…mostly he's off

Foreign policy genius McCain, who has been dead wrong nearly 100% of the time over the past dozen or so years, called for the U.S. Congress to expand ties with Muammar Gaddafi's brutal dictatorship in 2009, two years before the U.S. helped back forces determined to and ultimately successful in removing Gaddafi from office, among other things. The secret Muslim super maverick had a face-to-face meeting with Gaddafi, which he detailed on his Twitter page at the time with the following message:

Late evening with Col. Qadhafi at his "ranch" in Libya -- interesting meeting with an interesting man.  

Yes, verrry interesting…but a murderous dictator stupid.

*all of these are real 

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Michele Bachmann and John McCain's eternal silence invited.

How Quickly They Don't Grow Up

When Paul Ryan Speaks, People (Who Paid Big Bucks To Be There) Listen…At First

May 11, 2013

Nowhere you'd want to be

Conceited and patronizing pseudo-intellectual and miserably failed vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan spoke at conservatism's ivory tower think-tank, the American Enterprise Institute recently.  Ayn Rand's prize puppy dog knows a thing or two about a thing or two, though nobody is quite sure what those things might be. That however never stops this hearty individualist from speaking out and heaping disdain on anywhere between 33% and 47% and 99% of Americans, depending on who he's talking to. These are people he considers moochers and takers for doing exactly as he did by taking advantage of socialist policies like Social Security that help buoy the least among us. Just as his hypocritical sociopathic idol Any Rand did, Ryan availed himself of our national safety net when it suited his purposes, but opposes others having the same "luxury." Sounds, oh I don't know, arrogant? Condescending? Extra-douchey?

Ryan, a pompous little weasel-in-sheep's-clothing and posing as Everyman bleated, “Progressivism is well-intentioned but it is also — in my humble opinion — arrogant and condescending.” Humble opinion? Nice try. Ryan added, “Instead of helping people make their own decisions, it makes those decisions for them. It makes Washington the center of power and politicians the center of attention.” And just what is Paul Ryan? A dock worker, farm hand, librarian, assembly line worker? Um no, he's a member of the House of Representatives. We pay his salary. So he can take swipes at most of us who are neither part of the center of power nor the center of attention.

As he desperately tries to maintain his grip on power Boy Wonder continues to appeal to his radical right wing base. He is perfectly at home with those who haven't evolved past high school, before the typical human brain becomes comfortable with high ideals, nuances philosophy and complex thought. I suppose we can take some comfort in knowing that Ryan now belongs to a club with members like Dan Quayle and Sarah Palin - failed vice presidential candidates who lasted no longer than chalk marks in a rain storm. Let him have his fun. Let him while away his time speaking trash to power. Let him dazzle an ever dwindling horde of misogynistic morons into thinking they still have what America wants. Luckily he and his homies will be relegated to the dustbin of history. But we still have to keep cleaning up after them.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Fewer elected officials welcome.

May Day, May Day! Bush's Hall of Shame and Other Delights

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: Ten Years On 

Dallas, TX

May 1, 2013 

Today, on the ten-year anniversary of one of the most dreadful, deceitful and pathetic misdeeds in American presidential history, the George WMD Bush Hall of Lies opens to the general public, general ennui and universal nausea. Apparently 43 unlucky schoolchildren were drafted to be the first visitors, and being such were also the unfortunate recipients of a personal greeting from the ex-Codpiece in Chief. Fortunately the children are too young to realize the dubiousness of their honor.

 

Last week Bush took time away from his new-found infatuation with his bathroom (see below) to attend the dedication of the George W. Bush Library and Museum. Bush is only the thirteenth president to fabricate such a self aggrandizing tribute. I suppose he couldn't resist fabricating one more thing just to rub it in. The twelfth presidential library ever built was in 2007 - in memory, or something, of Richard M. Nixon. At least that dick wasn't around to see it happen.

Only a pesudo-president of George WMD's caliber would think that continuing to tie his legacy to such an blatant example of earth-shattering idiocy was a heck of a job. It is a stunning display of arrogance with which Little George attempts to continue the lie that there was any redeeming value of his illegal and historically deviant invasion, and make-believe declaration of victory in the second month of what would become a ten year disaster. Of course ten years only accounts for our official military entanglement. The scars on the world’s socio-political body will endure much longer while history decides just how great a disaster was the Forty-third presidency of the United States of Whatever.

"History will ultimately judge the decisions that were made for Iraq and I'm just not

going to be around to see the final verdict. In other words, I'll be dead."

George WMD Bush, April 24, 2013 

The Bush apologencia continues to boggle the mind with their claims that President Bobble-head kept us safe from terrorist attack throughout his time in office. Yes, they actually say this. Over and over and over. I guess it’s their sociopathic attempt to do what George WMD called “catapulting the propaganda.” The fact that he wasn't elected in 2000 clearly didn't keep him from taking the office of president beginning in 2001- the same year he diddled while New York burned. I'm still disappointed from seeing him dodge those two shoes at his surprise Iraqi press conference.

"This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, you dog"

Muntadhar al-Zaidi, Iraqui broadcast journalist, December 14, 2008

while hurling a shoe with tremendous accuracy at a surprisingly agile moron

Bush's "library" has an interactive display "Decision Points Theater" where anyone foolish enough to enter the building can access Bush's advisors and then make their own decisions on the critical issues that Bush so royally screwed up. For instance, one might peruse the advice-based-on-lies Bush received after allowing the worst-terrorist-attack-ever-on-home-soil, think about this shoddy advice for even more than the five seconds Bush did, and then decide on a course of action. For example, one might choose an option other than invading an unrelated country without provocation, or maybe decide not to torture prisoners or wiretap American citizens without just cause, or perhaps opt not to bankrupt our national treasury by handing three trillion dollars to the wealthiest one percent of Americans; maybe you wouldn’t remove just about every regulation on corporations, banks and Wall Street setting the stage for the worst recession since the Great Depression. Stuff like that. Apparently though, if you happen to make a decision at odds with "President" George WMD Bush, such as not invading Iraq, you will be treated to the countenance of #43 (as he likes to call himself) explaining you are wrong because, "Saddam posed too big a risk to ignore…the world was made safer by his removal." President Moron recorded special messages still insisting that everything he did was just right just for his little game. Good luck trying to be as resolute in your choices as this idiot was. Though hearing him disagree with you should be a serious boost to your self esteem.

George W. Bush In The Nude News 

In other news of "president" George W. Bush, the two-term-once-elected Clod from Crawford, has put his dubious credentials to use not helping end world hunger, not helping secure loose nookular weapons, not continuing the one positive aspect of his ill-gotten presidency - helping stop the AIDS epidemic, but making paintings of dogs, and of himself. Bush explained, “I paint two or three hours a day. Painting has changed my life in an unbelievably positive way.” Doesn’t that just warm the cockles of your heart? If only he’d been painting instead of clearing brush, gutting FEMA, ignoring Katrina and morally and financially bankrupting our country and stuff.

Ex-"president" Bush paints the only subject of real interest to him

Tune in next time as Incurious George paints himself…into another corner.

Happy International Workers' Day!

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsive reading invited.