God Hates Flags

Keep It Symbol Stupid

Land of the Free, Home of the Slave

June 26, 2015

Public displaying of swastikas is illegal in Germany. Some of you might remember that a few decades back there was a little dust-up involving the Germans, a preponderance of swastikas and a touch of genocide. The ultimate outcome and consequent blow-back that resulted caused most Germans to not only lose their taste for this once-proud symbol of a nation on the brink of world domination, but to insist as a nation that it no longer be seen in public. Apparently Germany determined that their behavior warranted some soul searching and atonement.

There are however some Germans who miss the good old days and work hard to keep the dream alive. Not to be denied their hatred, megalomania and monumental stupidity, these uber creeps found a loophole. Today’s Nazi lovers found another symbol of hate (racism in particular), violence (not to mention one of the world’s most devastating hissy-fits and ultimate defeats) and subjugation that has not been outlawed in Germany. As it turns out, this emblem is also quite popular in the good old U.S. of A. Possibly even more popular than the swastika. That would be what some call the Stars and Bars - the Confederate Battle Flag. I call it Old Gory.

Enough already!

Protected by the First Amendment, the swastika is not outlawed here in the U.S. and it still has many ardent fans in the Land of the Free. So perhaps those needing a new way to show their ignorance and hatred will look to the swastika as an acceptable substitute. After all, some who treasure this symbol of treason and slavery - or as they call it, their heritage - are quite upset and will not go down without a fight. It should be mentioned that the Stars and Bars only made a serious comeback almost a century after the war-to-keep-blacks-subjugated was over and the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s threatened what remained of the good old days. In any event, I imagine that there are many among those pining for the Confederacy who might have an aversion to relying on any sort of foreign influences to proclaim their patriotic hatred. These principled bigots will likely insist on a more home-grown symbol to declare who they are, as if anyone really wants to know.

I know of a perfect replacement. It’s readily available (nowhere more so than in our nation’s capital), instantly recognizable, already accepted by many as a sign of disrespect, and proven to be able to stand up to considerable criticism and calls for its demise. It might not have quite the punch that the Stars and Bars have maintained for a century and a half, and it does have the downside of ignoring the important humiliation of black Americans, but it is nonetheless filled with hate and contempt, so it just might do the trick. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the last remaining publicly sanctioned image of cluelessness and condescension...

Hate will find a way.

I. Mangrey reporting. Free of charge(s).

Bringing the pain since 2006.

Congratulations, It’s a Bush

Junior Eschews Bushiness

 

Miami, Florida

June 19, 2015 

J.E.B. finally, officially, inevitably (and less accidentally than the last few times) announced what everyone (especially his super PACs) already knew: It’s time for a third Bush in the White House. It took him a while to figure out how to properly package himself. His marketing team recognized the most virulent toxin threatening J.E.B.’s campaign for president. Superman has his Kryptonite. Napoleon had his Waterloo. Achilles had his heel. J.E.B. has the surname “Bush.” While Hillary Clinton is happy to ride the coattails of one of America’s most beloved ex-presidents – her philandering husband, Bill. J.E.B. on the other hand is inextricably hog-tied to his family name. Even worse than that, he shares an almost incalculable amount of genetic material with his not-nearly-so-beloved ex-president brother – famous pretzel wrestler and brush cutter George W. 

J.E.B. announces his presidential run.

Oh wait, my bad...that’s the Hindenburg. 

I am not running to reinstate the dynasty named for my father’s family name. I am not running in order to be the third president with the last name of my father to invade Iraq.

Why am I running? Now that’s a question well worth my consideration don’t you think? That is a question I have thought about for a very long time and I can tell you that I am on the verge of a very impressive answer.

Does anyone know if this guy has a last name?

In other news of people who’ve clearly spent too much time in the Sun... 

Donald Trump, serial bankruptee, noted hot air buffoonist and Guinness Book of Records entry for most creative use of one single hair, also threw the hat that might otherwise cover his empty head into the 2016 presidential ring. The Trumpster has been threatening to actually run for president for 25 years. This time he really, really means it. He held a big announcing event in one of his Towers. Word is not yet in as to how many people he paid to attend his coming out party to avoid facing the empty room he typically addresses. This time The Donald claims to have a fool-proof secret plan to neutralize and/or defeat ISIS, which he will only divulge after he is elected president. Now that’s what I call a real idiot patriot. During his announcement Trump said, “Our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a great leader now,” Trump said. “We also need a cheerleader.” Maybe Trump couldn’t see or hear anything through his hair between 2001 and 2008; we had a cheerleader in the White House – it was all over the news. You might recall that our Cheerleader in Chief didn’t really do such a great job. Trump rambled on for some 45 minutes, at some point he trumpeted, “Ladies and gentlemen (stops to look down at notes) I am officially running (stops to look down at notes again) for president of the United States...”

 

Trump: “Sadly, the American dream is dead.”

The same cannot be said for whatever

that is dancing around his head.

I will not bore or injure you with any more of The Donald’s oratory prowess, but please allow me to summarize: I am Donald Trump. I appear to be very wealthy at this moment, having not filed for bankruptcy for well over three weeks. I am arrogant and very rich. I have no actual concept about economics or foreign policy, but I do know how to insult just about everyone I talk about. I will defeat Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, China, Japan, ISIS and Mexico. And I have the money to do it. I have found an excellent way to manipulate the media and the public into giving me and watching me make use of almost unlimited air time for the next few months, after which I will officially and inevitably drop out of the race. And also, “I’m really rich.” 

 

And apparently... 

Some guy named Bernie is in the race too. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) is running as a Democrat as opposed to the more conservative, corporate-backed Hillary Clinton who, thanks to the burgeoning popularity of Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders, is suddenly talking like a serious progressive. We’ll have to see where she goes with it. Sanders is an unabashed Socialist, populist and excitable old Jewish guy. But a real mensch. Obviously Bernie will not be seeing and money from the billionaires lining up to purchase most of the other candidates. And Bernie is not courting any of them, to put it mildly. Sanders’ campaign manager, noted that the campaign is experiencing growing pains saying, “We started this campaign a month ago,” he said. “This was not a situation where you had a campaign-in-waiting that was hiding inside a super PAC or a nonprofit or a think tank.” So that would be the exact opposite of old J.E.B. whose campaign began off-the-books with super PACs months before the-man-preferring-not-to-be-seen-as-a-Bush finally admitted he was running. GFY J.E.B. 

Bernie Sanders says what he means and

is able to use complete sentences.

 

I. Mangrey reporting.

I am not running for president.

 

 

Send In More Clowns

Republican’t Candidates Still Waiting To Jump Into The Kiddie Pool

Nowhere

June 5, 2015

There are so many Republican’ts already running or threatening to run for president in 2016, that it’s almost impossible to keep track. So far it’s all been fairly predictable - all white male politicians except for failed corporate exec Carly Fiorina and reality-challenged ex-neurosurgeon Ben Carson - both representing the longest of shots. The rapidly-approaching-infinite number of Republican’t candidates has forced the GOP to consider holding group debates, which they insist will be separate but equal. Despite this overwhelming infestation there are still a plenty of luminaries dim bulbs waiting to be screwed in and really light the place up. Here is my short list of long shot Republiclowns I think would make this race even more enjoyable.

                                                                              Credit: DonkeyHotey

Sure it’s a small car, but these are very small people

Ann Coulter – The Mouth that Whored. Ann is on a crusade against immigrants entering America. No, she is not Native American, just a shrill jerk who hates most people. Coulter, who weighs about 18 pounds soaking wet (and she is always all wet) recently said, “When I’m in charge of immigration (after our 10 year moratorium), I will not admit overweight girls.” This brilliant humanitarian statement was made soon after Ann bravely pretended she had a bad cold in order to avoid the hug offered by an undocumented immigrant/advocate who wanted to bury the hatchet “as a sign of my humanity and yours.” Obviously this poor fellow had never heard Coulter open her voice-hole before.

Campaign slogan: I hate YOU. Vote for ME.

Ted Nugent – The Motor City Madman. When Ted’s not busy threatening to shoot Hillary Clinton, he likes to shoot his mouth off threatening anyone who disagrees with his violent faux patriotism. Loyal to guns and ammo above all else, Ted pledges allegiance to the Second Amendment; to him the rest is just window dressing.

Campaign slogan: One Gun, One Vote.

Chuck Norris – Whacko, Texas Ranger. He will kick you in the head as soon as he gets his foot out of his mouth. Chuck thinks he’s as cool and righteous as the characters he portrayed in his younger days.

Campaign slogan: Don’t Trust the Government, Vote for Me.

Jim Bob Duggar – Father of 19 Kids and Counting. Soon-to-be-ex reality TV star, unstoppable sperm hose and family values paragon who hid his son’s sordid past (he molested five young girls, including four of his sisters, as a teen). I can’t wait to hear Jim Bob say, “I’m not just in this to kiss the babies, like my son.”

Campaign slogan: God Loves a Hypocrite Who Says He Loves God. That’s Me!

Rush Limballoon - The Badyear Blimp. His radio career almost at an end, he will need a new source of income to support his Viagra and Oxycontin habits. Just ask Newt Gingrich, running for president is a great way to pad the old bank account.

Campaign slogan: Burrrrrrrrrrp. 2016

Bob McDonnell - Gov Means Never Having to Say You're Guilty. Philadelphia native and former Virginia governor, McDonnell was a really early favorite for 2016. Early as in around 2013. After that, things got a little messy. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to let a little thing like a conviction and two-year sentence for public corruption stop me from adding a guy with such great hair to this list. What did he really do wrong anyway? Take $165,000 in loans and extravagant gifts in exchange for using his position to help push his benefactor’s tobacco-based nutritional supplement? That’s right, a tobacco-based nutritional supplement. I feel healthier just thinking about it. Is using your power as an elected official going to bat for a rich guy who lets you borrow his Ferrari really such a bad thing? Who cares, you might say, Rick Perry (who also has great hair...and glasses) is under indictment in Texas for abusing the power of his office and he’s in the race; though it remains to be seen if he can remember why. Others might feel that there’s a difference between indictment and conviction. Picky, picky, picky. Those people are clearly not Republican’ts.

Campaign slogan: Surely They Can’t Keep Me In Jail If You Elect Me President

Sarah Palin - Ex Half-Term Quitter. Just why the hell not. It’s not like she has anything better to do. And come on, admit it, you miss that whiny voice and tortured English. Besides, even if she gets elected, she’ll only stay on the job for a year or two. How bad could it be?

Campaign slogan: PALIN 2017

You Know My Name, Look Up The Number

John Ellis “Jeb” Bush - The Other White Meat. Jeb thinks his brother, who allowed 9/11 to happen (though incessantly warned it was about to happen) while he was president before invading Iraq for no good reason thereby blowing up the entire region is a good advisor on foreign policy. Jeb, is still busy gaming the post Citizens United system, so he won’t be announcing his failed candidacy just yet, though he's been campaigning for months.

Campaign slogan: Bush 45: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Wait, There’s Moron

And of course we’re still waiting patiently for Koch Brothers’ lap dog Scott Walker’s brain to make its first appearance…anywhere. Here’s just the most recent taste of Gov. Walker’s brilliant repartee: When asked about pregnancies caused by rape and incest Walker said, “I mean, I think for most people who are concerned about that, it’s in the initial months where they’re most concerned about it.”

Walker working on his presidential look

I. Mangrey reporting. You decide.