Chrump Scam Pain

Chrump’Scampaign

Off the rails, USA

June 23, 2016 

According to FEC filings the Chrump book tour campaign began the month of June with: One. Million. Dollars. In its war chest.  

No one can stop me now. I have…One. Million. Dollars.

The Clinton campaign by contrast only has a measly $40M. One reason Chrump has so little money is that he is keeping much of what comes his way from those gullible enough to give him money. Chrump, his family members, companies and friends are all making big bucks off of his “presidential campaign” - $6M, or 17% of the take so far. You would think a billionaire who is self-funding his campaign would not need to be skimming a few extra million off the top of what he tells us is a run for the White House. Speaking of which, he only has 30 staffers. Does he think he is running for president of his high school? Most of his overhead (other than his “hair”) is his teminal greed. He is making a killing on this thing. So keep those cards and letters coming folks. Just keep your money in your pocket.

Chrumpy, Orlando and Doom 

Chrump was very upset by the Orlando nightclub massacre. In part because there was no good guy with a gun to shoot at the bad guy with the guns - because what could possibly go wrong with that. Mostly he was put off because he thought it would improve his poll numbers more. Unsurprisingly anything that is bad for the rest of the world is bound to be good for The Chrump. He was salivating over the impending housing market collapse in 2007 because he would be able to scoop up cheap real estate. He was absolutely giddy at the thought of the Egyptian airliner being taken down by terrorists because it would prove him right. And he couldn’t wait to tell the world that he “called it” when it appeared that the Orlando shooter had ties to terrorists. The jury is still out on that one. The jury is decidedly not out on Chrump. Need more proof? Dick Cheney is on the Chrump train and Donald Rumsfeld said his decision to vote for Chrump over Clinton was “not a close call.”  

Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defects (10 great Jon Stewart minutes) 

I have the best eyes and I swear I saw Donald and his supporters dancing in the streets of Florida the day after the Pulse massacre. Maybe I didn’t see it, but I know people who did - I saw it on the internet. Somebody told me about it. Thousands of people are talking about it. Don’t I have the best hair? Nobody knows more about terrorists than Chrump. Just ask him. Nobody is more presidential than he is...with the possible exception of almost everyone else (though not Ted Cruz). And nobody does a better job of recruiting jihadists than Old Donald. Nobody. He’s also the best at recruiting haters right here in the USA. One week after the Orlando massacre Chrump gained several points in the polls; I assume due to his very presidential response. To be sure, not everyone who supports Chrump is a hater, just those who would actually vote for him. I tell you, he is thebest…at being the worst. 

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is leading Chrump by a pathetic five points. Five points. America where are you now? Don’t you care about your sons and daughters?

Steppenwolf's Monster

I. Mangrey. I’m not on Facebook, but you can still like me.
                                                                                                 Mad in USA

The Candidate at the End of the Universe

But First...

Happy Watergate Day

Washington, DC
June 17, 2016

The Watergate Hotel, Washington, DC

Forty four years ago a lowly Watergate Hotel security guard named Frank Wills unsuspectingly wandered into the history books. It was Wills who alertly noticed, in the wee hours of June 17, 1972, a suspiciously placed strip of duct tape that kept open a door in the Watergate parking garage. Wills notified police of this strange sighting leading police on the easiest trail of clues in history since trying to figure out what happened to the Titanic. A goofy bunch of “plumbers” led by professional psycho G. Gordon Liddy. Some of you might remember that Wills’ discovery led to some zany political hijinks. Just over two years later, shitting president Richard M. Nixon ran for the exit ahead of hangman.

Accidental hero, Frank Wills

Now for yesterday's news tomorrow...

The Physicist and The Phuckwit

Outer arm of the Milky Way

June 15, 2016

A BBC correspondent asked Nobel Prize winning theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking “You’re a man who knows the universe well. How do you explain the phenomenon of Donald Trump?” Hawking answered quickly, "I can't. He is a demagogue, who seems to appeal to the lowest common denominator." Upon further questioning however, Hawking did not offer up Chrump as the gravest threat to the planet. That distinction went to an unspecified asteroid. So there you have it folks, though Chrump is a sleazy demagogue, he is no match for a collision with a giant space rock “against which we have no defense” according to the great Stephen Hawking. Hawking did not weigh in on whether or not we have a suitable defense against the likes of Chrump, who may or may not be a threat the Earth herself, or merely all the so-called higher forms of life thereon.

The Physicist: Stephen Hawking – Genius. Doesn’t get Chrump.

This was seen as a ringing endorsement by many Chrump supporters, if not Chrump himself. It is presumed that the candidate was too busy incessantly whining about Crooked Hillary and calling Elizabeth Warren ‘Pocahontas’ to insult Dr. Hawking directly. His minions weighed in quickly. “If this guy’s so smart how’s come he’s in a wheel chair? And what the hell is physics?” croaked one Chrump enthusiast. “I never heard of him. He doesn’t look so smart and what’s with the goofy accent?” commented I-don’t-have-to-tell-you-my-f*&king-name from South Carolina. “Why is he trying to sound like a computer? He looks like that journalist jerk that Donald was making fun of before. I bet he’ll rip this idiot a new one,” said Montana’s Adolf Jones from within his pointy white hood.

Dr. Heckle and Mr. Jive

Hawking added, “The more immediate danger is runaway climate change. A rise in ocean temperature would melt the icecaps and cause a release of large amounts of carbon dioxide from the ocean floor.” Asshole. Why must these science mongers perpetuate this stupid Chinese hoax?

 

The Phuckwit: Donald Chrump – Hairbrain. Doesn’t have a clue.

Unfortunately America is in many ways the Donald Chrump of the world of nations. We say and do pretty much whatever we want (from genocide against Native Americans, to slavery, to Vietnam, to invading Iraq for no good reason and implementing torture), we pretend we have much greater wealth than we really have (huge national debt and deficit, intentional toxic income inequality), we are arrogant (“importing” democracy to the Middle East where nobody asked for our intrusion and fomenting regime change all over the world), rude (spying on everyone everywhere) and ignorant of foreign norms and in many ways world history (who ever said the Sunni and Shiites couldn’t get along?). We came oh-so-close to trying a very different path forward, but now we find ourselves with the lesser of two evils. But one is without a doubt the lesser and the other is an in-over-his-synthetically-colored-head loose cannon who gets his information either from the internet or from himself and cannot control what comes out of his face once it passes through the garbage disposal between his ears. If he wasn’t so old I would swear he was the result of genetically modified organisms gone horribly wrong. Like if you crossed an innocent mango with a flaming asshole.

 

Is It Safe?

Democratic strategist and lizard American James Carville confidently opined that Chrump represents only 42% of the country adding “right now we’re in a country where you need 50% plus one to win and 42 is a long way from 50 plus one.” I’ll tell you what, if Donald Chrump does in fact represent anywhere near 42% of the American electorate I think the US should seriously consider end of life care if not assisted suicide…oh wait, we’re doing it right now.

Actual, real, not-made-up Chrump quote of the week:

During his fact-resistant, tone-deaf, delusional screed following on the heels of this week’s worst mass shooting ever in Orlando, while accusing President Obama of colluding with terrorists, The Chrump gave us this gem: “We have an incompetent administration. And if I’m elected president that will not change I will tell you. That will not change over the next four years.”

Stephen Colbert - Doing his homework

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t Chrump me bro.
                                                                                              Mad in USA

Inherit The Whine

The Speaker and The Louse

June 8, 2016

Paul Ryan, who got where he is thanks to socialism related safety net program activities (not to be confused with weapons of mass destruction related program activities...except by the likes of Paul Ryan, Ayn Rand, et al) like Social Security, but doesn’t think anyone else should have access to such horrible socialist hand-outs, finally succumbed to the irresistible allure of Donald Chrump two weeks after Chrump was pronounced the presumptive Republican’t nominee. Within a matter of minutes, the Abs-King of Congress and rather-not-be-speaker of the House found himself throwing up in his mouth just a little, as the man he bowed down to as his party’s nominee for president had the misfortune of opening the sphincter beneath his nose again. As usual, what came out of that God forsaken abyss fouled ear and air alike.

This time The Donnybrook decided to racially profile a sitting federal judge who is apparently disinclined to rule in Donnybrook’s favor (though not all the time) in the fraud case against Chrump “University”, which is in no way a university. In fact it wasn’t even a school, just a bunch of seminars held in hotel ballrooms and I’m guessing unguarded sewers and led by Chrump’s “hand-picked” “instructors”. It turns out that Chrump did not pick any of these instructors with his tiny little hands…or his whatever, and they were not so much instructors as con men charged with extracting people’s life savings. Nonetheless Chrump accused the judge of being unfair to him and even worse, being a Mexican and therefore incapable of dishing out justice. Justice. I wonder if Donny would be equally appalled by a white supremacist judge who was improperly preferential to his case. It’s all about justice right?

Who loves ya baby?

A number of prominent Republican’ts including Ryan and Toad…I mean Newt Gingrich have raised their voices in dismay at Donny’s comments. Tim Scott (R-SC), who was appointed to fill a senate seat vacated by vacuous, varmint Jim DeMint and remains the only black Republican’t in the senate, called Chrump’s racist comments “racially toxic” but somehow was unwilling to call them racist. Mitch McConnell was willing to repeatedly say, “I couldn’t disagree more with what he had to say”, but refused to call it racist. For contrast, Rep. Filemon Vela (D-TX) gave us, “Mr. Trump, you're a racist and you can take your border wall and shove it up your ass.” Chrump and his trained spokesmutants on the other hand insist that this kind of behavior is bound to win over the majority of Hispanics come November.

Chrump called into question the impartiality of Gonzalo Curiél, the highly regarded Indiana-born judge because he is a Mexican all but adding, “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” He refused to back down some days later telling Jake Tapper who asked if this was “not the definition of racism”, “This judge is of Mexican heritage. I’m building a wall okay, I’m building a wall. I am going to do very well with the Hispanics, the Mexicans.” I figure he will do about as well as the boys at the Alamo did.

Ryan said, “Claiming a person can’t do their job because of their race is sort of like the textbook definition of a racist comment. I think it should be absolutely disavowed. It’s absolutely unacceptable.” Yeah, sort of. I guess it’s okay to be palling around with clueless, childish racists when the only other choice is an (albeit very flawed) non-racist adult who, agree with her or not, is absolutely the most experienced/qualified presidential candidate we have seen in a long time. In response to Ryan’s dismay at Chrump’s racist idiocy CNN contributor and Chrump lapdog Jeffrey Lord said, "let me make no bones about it, Speaker Ryan is wrong and Speaker Ryan has switched positions and is now supporting identity politics, which is racist! I am astonished.” Switched positions? Surely Ryan should be locked up for switching positions. Chrump would never do such a thing. Never. Always.

I’m not sure which is more pathetic, caving in to support an ignorant racist you spent months ridiculing as your party’s nominee for president or calling him out for specific racist statements you find intolerable yet still supporting his racist candidacy. Oh wait, I just figured it out – BOTH. 

Senior Republican’t statesman Bob Dole hit the nail right on the head when he said, “Chrump has done some things that would curl your hair…I have an obligation to the party. What am I going to do? I can’t vote for George Washington…” No Mr. Dole, you cannot vote for George Washington, but you might want to heed his words. Washington warned about loyalty to party over loyalty to country during his farewell address in 1796, “However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.” So screw your misplaced loyalty to your disintegrating, dis-integrating party and remember your obligation to your country, and unless that country has a beautiful yuuuuuuuge wall with a beautiful door emblazoned with gaudy gold letters spelling C-H-R-U-M-P, then that country should never accept the man Elizabeth Warren accurately described as “a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud” “a thin-skinned racist bully”,  “a small, insecure, thin-skinned, wannabe tyrant” and "a genuine threat to this country" as its president – a man who will always put his own interests above those of our country. And you should either rethink your allegiance or STFU.

I. Mangrey reporting. I am not a party boy.

                                                                                                                       Mad in USA
UPDATE
This just in...



Chrump For Presidon’t

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