That’s Mighty Bigot of You

Orange Like Me

White Castle
August 30, 2016

No one will ever forget where they were when Chrump gave his famous “I Have a Problem” speech also known as the “It Can’t Get Any Worse, What The Hell Have You Got To Lose” speech. Paying homage to other great speeches like Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, Martin Luther King’s I have a Dream, JFK’s Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You inaugural address, Chrump also used words.

By absolutely no accounts this speech was simply the best. At least that is what many people have reported that many people are saying. It was moving. It was shouted. It was brutally honest clueless. Nobody has ever spoken such words at black people. Not to them mind you, since there weren’t any actual black people within earshot of the Donald at the time. He spoke these fateful words directly to an almost all-white audience in an almost all-white town not too terribly far from where many black people live, but where Chrump and his fellow unravellers fear to tread. They were very white words. From a very white (underneath the spray tan) man, who is at least a second generation…let’s say non-lover of black people. A man from whom black employees were forced to hide when the boss showed up at the Chrump Plaza Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City in the 1980s. I have no doubt that this incredible speech will have a yuuuuuuuge impact on Chrump’s standing with the black electorate. No more will he be pulling in a mere 2% of the black vote. Can you say 0.1%?

Chrump, who has literally tried to paint himself as a man of color – not an actual color mind you, but a color nonetheless – in what for him passes as standing up for a black employee accused of being lazy said, “And it’s probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that. It’s not anything they can control.” But that didn’t stop Chrump from continuing to allow the blacks, as he likes to call them, to be in his employ, “And isn’t it funny. I’ve got black accountants at Trump Castle and Trump Plaza. Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” He has a great relationship with the Jews. In 1973 Chrump was hit with a housing discrimination lawsuit in New York City, which he settled two years later along with a promise not to discriminate against blacks and other minorities anymore. Ever a man of his word, the Justice Department had to sue him again in 1977 for the same thing. And of course he made a political name for himself hounding Barack Obama for not being born in America – and not in any way because he is black. He claims he has hard evidence, but just as he claims to have the best words, but seems totally unwilling to share any of them with us, he has never produced one shred of evidence to support his racist claim against the 44^th president who. How could anyone say Chrump is a racist without a straight face?

Chrump prepares for the first debate.
(R.I.P. Gene Wilder)

I. Mangrey reporting.

News It Or Lose It

The Creature From the White Lagoon
 

August 26, 2016 

Chrump arrives to save America…from herself?

Chrump is now working harder than ever. He has been told by his new handlers to pretend he is not the flaming asshole he has unwaveringly shown himself to be. The thinking is that by reading a few normal sounding sentences – with a wink and a smirk – and acting remorseful for an hour or two, America will simply forget the fifteen months of bigotry, meanness, childish name calling and general all-aroud world-class assholery, not to mention a lifetime of lying, cheating, lying and flip-flopping. And lying. Chrump is trying to sell himself as the Great White Hype who, after his first term as president, will get more black support than Barack Obama ever did. At a recent campaign event in a 95% white neighborhood, to a 99% white audience Chrump yowled, “And at the end of four years, I guarantee you that I will get over 95 percent of the African-American vote. I promise you. Because I will produce.” A Chrump guarantee, good enough for me. I plan to change my voter registration to black so when I vote for Chrump it will really mean something.

Devout Capitalists

More brilliant policy declarations from the same patriots who brought you, “Our top political priority over the next two years should be to deny President Obama a second term.” As always the Republican’ts are looking out for the little guy. Little as in the size of the the percentage of the population they comprise, not little as in the chance they have of anything more than mere survival. Not those who decide whether to buy medicine or food this month, but those who decide how much gold is appropriate for outfitting one’s yacht, or plane, or servants. Brian Ballard, a former top Jeb Bush donor who is now Trump's finance chair in Florida welcomed Trump's proposal to repeal the estate tax, calling it "the linchpin of the conservative movement: they get you when you're earning your money and they get you when you die." The estate tax affects the incredibly small percentage of the population who leave more than $11M behind for no other reason than, ‘You can’t take it with you.’ If you could, they would. If only to stiff the country and all the little people upon whose backs they made their wealth. Like making sure the president they despise (not because he is black of course) serves only one term rather than making the best of the situation, trying to work with the loyal opposition (who crushed their guy and his dangerosly ignorant running mate) in order to run the country for the good of all Americans. Patriots!

Laugh Now While You Still Can

Many top comedians are saying, and I mean this, so many people, that they will miss Donald Chrump come election day and he and that stuff atop whatever that thing on his neck is will finally be deposited into a HAZMAT container and carted off somewhere inaccessible to human senses. They despise him, but they will miss all the free jokes that write themselves day after day after day after day... Since I am not a comedian I am free of the need for easy albeit hilarious jokes to be delivered unto me free of charge in order to obtain cheap laughs from people desperate not to know what is going on in American politics. This seemingly endless supply of so-called free jokes is not free at all. The emotional and psychological damage eroding away at the struggling comedian, reporter or average citizen, if not the very soul of our nation – many people are saying the world as a whole – along with the physical toll resulting from the sound of his voice, the sight of his face and tiny hands...and tiny whatever, will not be inconsequential, that I can tell you.

America, you’re f&*%#d…and I don’t mean fired.

I. Mangrey reporting.

News You Can Ignore

Orange is The New…Whatever 

August 18, 2016 

Hot on the heels of Chrump terrorizing America with his first substantive (for him) speech on terror we have learned that the unstable, uninformed, incurious, impulsive, verbally abusive, and easily antagonized toxic narcissist has received his first classified briefing. The Paying Attention office pool has him tweeting dangerous classified information just after Labor Day as his poll numbers nation-wide and state by state continue their nosedive toward sanity. Sources inside my head tell me that the briefing consisted mostly of misdirection and fiction. Even the American intelligence community is smarter than Donald Chrump, and refused to supply Mr. Chrump with usable intelligence until, to borrow a phrase from Chrump, "our country's representatives can figure out what the hell is going on" with the unhinged Republican’t nominee. Clearly we need a new screening test for the threats we face from certain presidential candidates who shall remain Donald Chrump...I mean nameless. I call it extreme vetting. I. Call. It. Extreme. Extreme vetting. America needs extreme enhanced vetting, perhaps even water-vetting before letting just anyone run for president. 

Roger and He 

You know what they say, and many of them are saying it, pigs of a feather wallow together. What could be a better fit than a misogynistic serial adulterer who recreates Richard Nixon’s hateful, paranoid 1968 “Law and Order” crusade and the blobulent, decades-long sexual harassment aficionado who fashioned Nixon’s ‘68 campaign. The incredible Chrump is saying, “I’ll see your Debbie Wasserman Schultz and raise you a sexual-harassment-suit-plagued Roger Ailes.” There’s something else many people are saying, “Truth is stranger than Nixon.”  

Bogus and the Beast

 Chrump’s choices of new team leaders signal that he is thumbing his nose…or his whatever at the Republican’t establishment. He is turning the crazy up to 11½ and going for broke or bull goose loony whichever comes first. Chrump’s previous campaign manager, Paul Manafort suddenly went dark and has now “resigned” presumably to spend more time with his Russians. I wonder if the stories emerging of his close and lucrative ties to Russian oligarchs, for whom he lobbied here at home, caused him to reconsider his decision to poke the public eye. I wonder if Chrump, who goes through campaign managers like he goes through wives (He’s now on his third of each.), will continue fighting for Putin for his own reasons – which are not unlike those of Manafort. According to the Associated Press Manafort “directly orchestrated a covert Washington lobbying operation on behalf of Ukraine’s (pro-Putin) ruling political party, attempting to sway American public opinion in favor of the country’s pro-Russian government…Paul Manafort and his deputy Rick Gates (another Chrump advisor), never disclosed their work as foreign agents between 2012 and 2014 as required under federal law.” Many people…many, many people are saying that this is criminal behavior. That I can tell you. In his quest to Make America Sorry Again Chrump is looking to be the exception that proves the old adage, “No press is bad press.” 

Speaking of Words 

In his latest attack on words and the truth, the man who called most Mexicans coming to America criminals and rapists, then demanded a ban on all Muslims entering America, repeatedly degraded women, called Jews great negotiators and mocked a handicapped reporter, called Hillary Clinton a “bigot”. 

 “Sometimes, in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues, you don’t choose the right words, or you say the wrong thing. I have done that. (10 second pause) And believe it or not I have done that.” Strangely enough sir, I don’t believe that. What I believe, and what many people are saying, is that you said exactly what you meant to say. It is not your words nearly as much as your thoughts – such as they are – that are the problem. When it comes to flip-flopping Chrump makes Mitt “Etch-a-Sketch” Romney look like the Rock of Gibraltar.  

I. Mangrey reporting. Bad for what Ailes you.

                                                                                                                                   Mad in USA

Is This Really Happening?

Or Is It Just Me?

Everywhere and Nowhere
August 15, 2016

Hey, anyone remember Donald Chrump? The chameleon who only knows various shades of orange? He’s in all the papers and the internets. Every single one of them. Every damn day. Several times. Yeah, that guy. The guy who puts the tick in politic. Sucking the blood out of the body politic until he explodes from his gluttony and inability to know when to stop sucking.

You might have heard him suggest that maybe “Second Amendment people” might stop a president Hillary Clinton from appointing Supreme Court justices. He said he was joking and/or misunderstood. I think he misunderstood himself. You probably heard him call Barack Obama the “founder of ISIS”. Can he even hear himself? After repeating this nonsense over several days he said he was being sarcastic. Then some days later added, "So I said, the founder of ISIS. Obviously I’m being sarcastic. Then, then -- but not that sarcastic, to be honest with you."

What? Did I say something? I didn't say anything.

Many many days ago on May 5, 2016, after clinching the nomination Nacho Chrump tittered, “You’ve been hearing me say it’s a rigged system. But now I don’t say it anymore, because I won. Okay? It’s true. You know, now I don’t care. I don’t care.” Well guess what? He’s saying it again, because he’s losing. Bigly. Okay? It’s true. You know, now he cares. Suddenly he cares again. Sad.

MoreOn Chrump

“The only way we can lose, in my opinion – I really mean this, Pennsylvania is if cheating goes on and we have to call up law enforcement and we have to have the sheriffs and the police chiefs and everyone watching because if we get cheated out of this election, if we get cheated out of a win in Pennsylvania, which is such a vital state especially when I know what is happening here. She can’t beat what’s happening here. The only way they can beat it in my opinion, and I mean this 100 percent, if in certain sections of the state they cheat.” For those of you wisely not paying close attention, when the Arsenic-laced Cream Sickle says he means something 100%, that means he is totally kidding, unless you think what he said was serious in which case, for you he was totally serious, but still really kidding...but in a very serious way.

Chrump is ready to protect the vote in
“certain sections of the state” in Pennsylvania

Speaking of Pennsylvania

Out of the Keystone state comes irrefutable proof that global warming is 100 percent real, and I really mean this in a completely real way. Temperatures there have been in the high 90s for over a week. Seeing as every winter they kick and scream about how global warming is a hoax because it is cold, I’m shocked that we haven’t seen Republicant’s wailing about how the end of days is surely upon us since all of this extremely hot weather clearly means the Earth will burst into flames any minute now.

James Inhofe (R-O(c)K(s in his head), Chairman of the Senate Environment
Committee says climate change is a hoax because he found a snowball in February

In Other News…

I finally figured something out. The stuff on Chrump’s head is not hair, it is optical fiber. That is how he is able to change the color so easily. Okay, so I’m a little slow. Maybe it would make it easier to find out what is going on in the world if they would use fiber optics for transmitting information instead of wasting this amazing technology on changing the hair coloring of “billionaires”.

The candidate spotted before tuning in his “hair”

Something else we know…

Donald Chrump does not know the meaning of the words: founder, sarcastic, joking, making, religious, America, honest, great, voting, again, democracy, wall, sacrifice, nuclear weapons, university, steaks, hair, many people, winning, Second Amendment, cheating. Chrump may have the best words, but he does not know the meaning of any of them. More important, he does not care. Not one whit, or in his case, not one half-whit. He just wants to make sounds come out of his face sphincter so the cameras will continue to point at him and people keep talking about him.

Tune in next time when Chrump talks about using nuclear weapons to win the election and threatens to have his people arrest anyone not voting for him because "voting for Hillary Clinton is cheating and may actually be against the law. I've heard many people saying that this is true. Many people. I would never say it. I'm too busy acting presidential."

I. Mangrey repairing. This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Chrumpsky

Donnie and Vlad

The Gremlin

August 11, 2016

Many people are saying that Vladimir Putin is planning to visit the United States in order to campaign for Donald Chrump. Many people. Believe it. The impish Putin is crazy about Chrump by all accounts. In particular Chrump’s talk of leaving NATO because it is “extremely expensive to the United States” appeals to the former Cold War spy who would love to see NATO collapse. Chrump has repeatedly explained that he thinks Putin is a great leader. Sure he is a dictator who has opponents killed, but he says he likes Chrump and that’s good enough for Donny. Oh, and the Chrump Empire is mortally dependent on Russian money to since no American banks are willing to loan him a penny. Chrump is presently denying that Putin is advising him on foreign affairs. He also denies that the sky is blue.

Chrump is already selling his minions on the idea of playing nice with his benefactor: “Wouldn’t it actually be wonderful if we could get along with Russia? Wouldn’t that be nice?” No more Mr. Nice Chrump. He’ll show those mean American banks. He will make them pay for not lending him money anymore. He doesn’t need them anyway, he’s got plenty of Russians handing him money and all the psychosis-enhancing substances he could ever want. Chrump will show those pathetic American bankers how to make a great deal. Believe him.

Lithuanian artist Mindaugas Bonanu’s mural of Donnie and Vlad

According to ex-Cia head (under Obama)/former deputy director (under Bush II) Michael Morrell, “The dangers that flow from Mr. Trump’s character are not just risks that would emerge if he became president. It is already damaging our national security. President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia was a career intelligence officer, trained to identify vulnerabilities in an individual and to exploit them. That is exactly what he did early in the primaries. Mr. Putin played upon Mr. Trump’s vulnerabilities by complimenting him. He responded just as Mr. Putin had calculated…In the intelligence business, we would say that Mr. Putin had recruited Mr. Trump as an unwitting agent of the Russian Federation.” Emphasis on ‘unwitting’. This of course is Chrump’s forte. They don’t make ‘em more unwitting than him. That I can tell you. Morrell is just one in a long list of career diplomats and intelligence veterans spanning the political spectrum who have been warning of the danger Chrump poses to global stability. All of this intelligence doesn’t amount to a hill of beans when stacked up against the millions of morons who trust Chrump and Chrump alone. I am not saying that all of Chrump’s supporters are morons, but many people are saying that this is his most reliable demographic.

More Losers

Fifty Republican’t big name national security experts and advisors, including many of the assholes from the Bush/Cheney era who brought us the illegal invasion of Iraq, the current destabilization of the entire region and ISIS said of the current Republican’t candidate, “fundamentally, Mr. Trump lacks the character, values, and experience to be President. He weakens U.S. moral authority as the leader of the free world. In addition, Mr. Trump has demonstrated repeatedly that he has little understanding of America’s vital national interests…he would be the most reckless President in American history.” This who’s who of WTF made it clear: “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.” For some strange reason they are concerned that Chrump "appears to lack the basic knowledge about and belief in the U.S. Constitution, U.S. laws and U.S. institutions including religious tolerance, freedom of the press, and an independent judiciary." Picky, picky, picky.

Chrump spat back, "I wasn’t using any of them and they would have loved to have been involved with the campaign. Look at the terrible job they’ve done. I hadn’t planned on using any of these people." To be fair, most of these guys are horrible, war-mongering SOBs, but they are generally darlings of the GOP. They despise Hillary Clinton yet felt compelled to speak out on the shit-storm that is Donald J. Chrump. That I can tell you.

In Closing…

In 2008 Don Jr. told an interviewer, “Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets...we see a lot of money pouring in from Russia.” Many actual people have said that Chrump has for many years been happily doing business with Russian oligarchs. His kind of people. Are we?

I. Mangrey reporting.
I only do this because I care about you. Believe me.
                                                                                                       Mad in USA
Wait! There's more below...

Ya Got Chrouble

THE M(ake yo)USIC(k) MAN

Right here in River City
June 10, 2016 August 11, 2016

Every so often the muse strikes me. I meander back to my younger years. Innocent musicals. Clever songs. Parody to be sculpted. The muse struck me a few months ago but I didn’t want to break the rhythm I. Mangrey had going. After all the Resignation Day(s) festivities I thought I would proffer another round of rhyme. Feel free to sing along.

Ed Venture, Editor

He’s a what? He’s a what? He’s a m(ake yo)usic(k) man. He’s a con. He’s a huckster. He’s a fraud and a nasty little child. He has come to town promising this and promising that. He’s gonna make America great again. Believe him. He has a very good brain. He has the best words, though he is clearly keeping those to himself. He (says he) is very rich. He will make us tired of winning. We’ve seen his kind before, just not as a presidential candidate, and we’ve seen some real doozies in that role.

“Professor” Harold Hill peddles piffle à la Chrump

We take you now to River City where…

Well, either you're closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge

Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a fool candidate in your country.

Well, ya got trouble, my friend.

Right here, I say, trouble right here in River City.

Why, sure, I'm a serious voter, certainly mighty proud to say

I'm always mighty proud to say it.

I consider that the minutes I spend

With a ballot in my hand are golden.

Help you cultivate horse sense, and a cool head and a keen eye.

J'ever take and try to give an iron-clad leave to yourself

From a president election ballot?

But just as I say it takes judgment, brains, and maturity

To score in a politics game, I say that any boob can take and shove a lever, cast a ballot.

And I call that voting.

With a capital "V,"

And that rhymes with "C" and that stands for Chrump!

The first big step on the road to the depths of degrada--

I say, first a primary vote for an Orange Buffoon,

Then he wins a nomination!

And the next thing ya know

You’re votin' for a monkey in a pinch back suit.

And orange colored face and orange hair

Hearin' him tell about Mexican rapists.

And buildin’ a wall, and changin’ his mind about ev’ry 30 seconds

Lyin’ like a rug through his bleached-white teeth!

And his sphincter-lookin’ mouth

Settin' on women, black folks people with IQs? Make your blood boil?

Well, I should say.

Now, friends, lemme tell you what I mean.

Ya got thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen

Candidates in a primary.

Turkeys that erase the difference

Between a gentlemen and a bum.

With a capital "B,"

And that rhymes with "C" and that stands for Chrump!

And all year long

American will be fritterin' away,

I say you will be fritterin'.

Fritterin' and frettin’ for a year and a half and a week and a day.

Get that chump in the White House,

Ya got trouble!

Folks!

Right here in River City!

Trouble with a capital "T"

And that rhymes with "C"

And that stands for Chrump.

“Candidate” Donald Chrump – defecating
out of the wrong end of the tube

Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of people.

I'm gonna be perfectly frank.

Would ya like to know

What kinda conversation goes on

While they're loafin' around that Chrump rally?

They'll be tryin' out racism, fascism, science denial

Chrouble!

 

Bonus stuff

From the mind of Ken Nordine in 1957...

and 1958...

 

How are things in your town?

 

The Donald Solution

The White House Un-American Activities Committee

The WTF House
August 6, 2016

Before we get into today’s communiqué, a brief diversion into Chrump’s recent dust-up with a baby who was being mean to him by crying while the candidate was trying to “speak.” What is this baby? Baby? The old führer never said “baby.”

Chrump loves babies. Here he is trying to eat two of them at once.

Back to the matter at hand…

Reality TV and real-life fraud extraordinaire Donald Chrump took (many, many people say plagiarized, many people) a few pages out of the 1968 Richard M. Nixon win-at-any-cost-fuck-em-all playbook for his (bowel) moving acceptance speech at the 2016 RNC. Chrump used his face sphincter to tout himself as the “law and order” candidate, sent to rescue America’s “silent majority” from the politically correct liberal elites. Apparently he thinks Nixon’s the one with the best words. Sad. 

Just in case anyone forgot, that Agnew character
on the right resigned in disgrace over bribery charges
and his buddy there next to him...
well you probably remember that guy.

First and Worst

In the 1930s Germany saw a charismatic madman whip up the darkest depths of the human spirit and incite a nation to madness, World War and genocide. Fear is a powerful motivator. Even if it is manufactured. Hatred and bigotry are easy to encourage in the unstable and ignorantmasses. Most presidential candidates in America try to appeal to a different segment and sentiment of the electorate.

America’s Turn

America saw something similar in nature though thankfully not in scope also in the 1930s. Our foray into making hatred great again never got to the war and killing stage, but what it lacked in death and destruction it made up for in longevity. The House Un-American Activities Committee lasted until 1975 and would-have-been-if-not-for-the-whole-resigning-in-disgrace-thing-then-president Richard Nixon had his sweaty paranoid hands all over this sordid affair starting in the late 1940s.

And then of course there’s the old race thing. Still wrestling with that one we are. Among other things the South is still reliably Republican’t because of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the hated Voting Rights act of 1965. Still trying to reverse those they are. Chrump is reigniting all of this sentiment because to him it’s all just Reality TV – a way for him to keep the cameras pointing at his face. Like a toddler with a handgun who thinks it’s a toy, he plays with it a little, manages not to shoot himself, and then just like he saw on television he pulls the trigger, but oopsmommy falls to the floor.

And speaking of toddlers with guns…

Donald certainly raised good caring boys
who love (dead) animals…and their dad.

The White House Un-American Activities Candidate

Chricky Dick

Now we find ourselves in the year 2016 poised to elect a badly dyed toxic narcissist with the world’s most bizarre comb-around-and-around, peddling the same fear, ignorance, hatred and superiority complex the world witnessed in the two examples above. The most insulting, spiteful, nasty and pathologically dishonest presidential candidate we have ever seen is now saying “No more Mr. Nice Guy...I’m taking off the gloves.” WTF. So far this has been him being nice? Holy shit. Taking off the gloves? Whatever gloves there may have been slipped off his tiny little hands long ago. He was simply too busy doing his hair and painting his face to notice.

America is three months away from conceivably entering the Twilight Zone via Donald Chrump’s White House Un-America Activities Conflagration. Anyone who dares disagree with Heir Chrump will be declared an enemy of the state. The most American things about Chrump are his toxic capitalism and his arrogance.

Would you say or have you ever said something mean about P*#@!&%#t Chrump? Do you know of anyone who has said unpleasant things or had impure thoughts about Dear Donald? Have you ever met anyone who has made fun of his surreal hairdo or the absurdly engineered color of his face (with the exception of two pasty-white ovals around his beady little eyes)? Do you know anyone who has commented his puny hands or child-sized penis? Well do ya punk?

Speaking of Hitler Chrump, a recent book contains secret diaries left by Chrump’s Hitler’s doctor which testify to the fact that not only did Der Fücker have one less testicle than the average pair, but his shriveled little walnut was reportedly attached to a deformed micro-penis to boot. I wonder if he had small hands.

At the risk of ending up on the White House Un-American Activities Committee un-orange list in 2017 I must report the following: During an hour-long policy briefing, which Chrump clearly failed with flying artificial colors, he reportedly asked several times about nuclear weapons: “If we have them why can’t we use them?” Many people are reporting this. Many people. They come up to me on the street and tell me this. Believe me. Chrump denies it; therefore we know it is true. Plus, it is on the internet. Chrump is ready to shoot from the lip. He does not know what nuclear weapons are. This is the guy tied with Dick Cheney for draft deferments during the Vietnam War with five. Now we know why he consults with himself and not with other people. It’s time Chrump gave himself a good talking to.

And Now For Something Completely Not Different…

Researchers at the Indianapolis Zoo observed, for the first time, an orangutan able to mimic the pitch and tone of human sounds. Big deal. The entire world has been watching this happen every day for over a year during the Republican’t primaries and now the presidential election.

I. Mangrey. Chrump angriest.

 

Speaking of Nixon…

Holiday Greetings From Everyone at Paying Attention

One Less Dick Never Hurt Anyone 

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
August 7, 2016

Hello loyal readers. It’s me, Ed Venture. As managing editor here at Paying Attention, it is my job at this time of year to remind you of our obsession with Richard Milhous Nixon and to keep the Resignation Day(s) tradition alive. As most of you are probably unaware, today is Erev Resignation Day(s) (or Resignation Day(s) Eve, depending on how you roll). On the evening of August 8, 1974, crook, felon, anti-Semite, Liberal-hating, secret-bomber, paranoiac, all-around uncommitted mental patient and then-president Richard M. Nixon, resigned after serving half of his second term in the People's House in order to avoid a term in the Big House. Today we have a new prospective mental patient playing in the presidential sandbox. You may have heard about this already. I won’t go into all that right now. The more things change, the more they stay the strange. Anyway, Resignation Day(s) is one of my favorite American holidays. A great day for democracy and as close as we get to a great day for justice in this country. I snagged a photo of I. Mangrey sporting one of his prized t-shirts to commemorate this festive time of year. He and it are a bit wrinkled, but the message is timeless.

I. Mangrey in his Resignation Day(s) finery

"I have never been a quitter," began Nixon during prime time on August 8, 1974, "To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body…Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office." Gerald Ford, Nixon’s hand-picked pardoner/successor took the oaf of office on August 9, 1974 capping off America’s only two-day national holiday. I still remember it well, to the best of my recollection.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.

Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled 42^nd anniversary of the finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore holiday season.

Ed Venture

In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year. It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all. I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, though I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all. But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive. Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Thanks Ed. That was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for 2015…

Once more it’s that season, and Obama’s still here
Watching those who’d replace him lurch into gear.
They’re angry and senseless, they screech and they bite

No need for good reason, they just like to fight.

Now Christie! Cruz, Kasich! Paul, Bush, Carson, Trump!
On, Rubio! On Walker! On, Huckabee! A great bunch of chumps!
They all come a tumbling from the zany clown car!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please dash away far!

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
For the chance to meet Clinton or Sanders for the big fight!

I enjoyed your addition for 2015 I. And what a year it has been since last Resignation Day(s). Bernie made quite a splash and Chrump took out all the trash. It was truly a campaign to remember, now it’s on to November. So I will see your 2015 verses and raise you a few for 2016 (with reverence and apologies to Ogden Nash)…

Once more it’s that season, Obama time’s near done
Each party’s wild primaries have narrowed to one.
Bernie lost to Hillary, but inspired revolution

Chrump bested all Republican’ts, and might end evolution.

 

Now East Coast, now West Coast, now swing states, Midwest!
Oh, Donald you suck it, tho you say you’re the best!
I never liked Clinton but I hope Chrump gets schlonged!
And goes back to his mirror, where’s he’s always belonged!

Let him talk, let him squawk, it’s politically suicidal,

Keep making voters nauseous, ere November’s decidal.

Keep insulting, and frothing, and hating, and screaming…
All the stuff of which anti-Chrumpers, tho pained are all dreaming!

Tiny hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest.

If I never see your hair-thing or hear your voice again,
I know I will not miss your face, but I’ll feel much less pain
Go away oh Orange Putz, away and out of sight
Close your pie-hole, hide yourself, for once do what's right.

Enjoy Resignation Day(s) 2016. Drink up – you know old Tricky Dick would.

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d” sg, August 9, 1974

All the best from everyone here at Paying Attention.

The Ugliest American

Putin a Good Word For Him

Never Chrump Land
August 1, 2016

In 2013 when asked if he had a relationship with Putin the real estate maggot bragged, “I do have a relationship and I can tell you he’s very interested in what we’re doing here today…But I do have a relationship with him.” During on of the Republican’t primary debates Chrump glibly offered, “But as far as the Ukraine is concerned, and you could say Syria. As far as Syria, I like – if Putin wants to go in – and I got to know him very well – because we were both on 60 Minutes, we were stable mates – and we did very well that night. You know that.” In fact the ratings that night were poor and Chrump and Putin were not “stable mates” since they were on separate continents at the time. So was Chrump was not lying when he recently said, “I have nothing to do with Russia. I never met Putin. I have nothing to do with Russia.”? He also said, “I have nothing to do with Putin. I’ve never spoken to him, I don’t know anything about him other than he will respect me.” Even his lies are not quite lies...or something. If you are lying about a lie you previously told are you in fact lying? Very Zen. I can’t keep up with this lunatic.

I know exactly which way I want to go.

Chrump had very little interest in the crafting of the 2016 Republican’t platform, which included such brilliant forward thinking as “…coal is an abundant clean…energy resource.” In fact the only thing team Chrump fought for in the medieval platform was taking Putin’s side in Ukraine. Coincidence or the Fart of The Deal? Chrump told an interviewer last week that he “would be looking into” leaving Putin-annexed Crimea in Russian hands. Yesterday he told George Stephanopoulos, [Putin]'s "not going to go into Ukraine. Just so you understand, he's not going to go into Ukraine. You can mark it down, you can put it down, you can take it anywhere you want." Stephanopoulos politely informed Putin invaded Ukraine in 2014 – how could Donald be expected to keep up with such minute detail?

George W. Bush was The Decider. Donald J. Chrump is The Dictator. Bush at least attempted to think before deciding. Chrump don’t think. Chrump fire. Chrump smash.

“Chrump tell Putin – You’re fired!”

I. Mangrey reporting. Ouch.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA