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You may actually believe you're healthy and happy and ready to vote in every way. Or you may simply be in denial. Don't let another election go by leaving you feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, powerless, useless, out of step, un-American or just plain stoopid. The FDA has waived all safety regulations and precautions - and that's almost a stretch for them. This drug is too important to ignore any longer although, given the current anti-vote environment, VOTEGRA may only be available in Canada and Mexico between now and November 8, 2016. If you buy yours in Mexico maybe you can get them to pay for it. 

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Can't get into the booth like you used to? Are you voting blanks? Do you wish you could do it more often and make it mean something? Is your chad just hanging there limp and listless? Is your votecount shockingly lower than you ever would have expected? Are you worried the FBI is playing footsie with Republican’ts? Do you get the feeling your vote is about to be suppressed? Do you blame it on your tiny hands? Is your once worthless candidate now just a worthless has-been? Would you like to be able to shout that you’re going to build a great wall? Or Lock Her Up? Or scream Jew-S-A at a bunch of trapped journalists? Well what’s stopping you? Is it political correctness? Or could it be Electile Dysfunction? Don’t wait around to find out – pop a pill today. What the hell do you have to lose? 

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Electile Dysfunction is no joke. That I can tell you. Many people are saying that we're voting for president, many people. Believe me. You may have Electile Dysfunction and not even know it. Do something about it before it's too late and you end up with a sociopathic, fascist narcissist who thinks the whole presidential election thing is just reality television, who keeps millions of dollars hidden from the tax collector, has all of his crappy Chrump brand whatever made in China, or wherever, and who thinks YOU are too stupid to know that he is a clueless douchebag conman.  Oops, you waited too long, but at least thanks to term limits Chrump cannot serve more than eight years. Eight years. Eight. Years. Not to worry, nothing lasts forever…it will just seem like it. Please don't let Electile Dysfunction wreck our lives again.  

Make sure you are buying real VOTEGRA  - and not some cheap knock-off/Chrump imitation made in China or Russia. Remember, it's later than you think. Stock up today.

Possible side effects of not using VOTEGRA include runny candidates, listless legislators, long lines, spoiled votes, butterfly ballots, purged voter rolls, another Depression, just plain depression, Citizens United II (corporations are people and people are not), the best words, a very bad brain, damn emails, Mike Pence, armed repression, cranio-rectal syndrome, un-Occupied Wall Street, short-circuited recounts, rigged elections, rigged erections, Ayn Rand, Russian vote hackers, another Antonin Scalia, father/daughter issues, another Clarence Thomas, mandated pussy-grabbing, FBI collusion, another Supreme Court-appointed president, Armageddon, P*&%$#@*t Chrump. 

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Bits & Pieces

Make Chrump Bankrupt Again

What’s Left of The USA
October 25, 2016

The most horrifying, dangerous, dishonest, disapproved-of presidential candidate in American history continues his quest to run this country. He has no understanding of the Constitution, how our government works (such as it is), what democracy is or how to at least pretend to respect his fellow man. Certainly not his fellow nasty woman. He has absolutely no interest in rectifying any of this. The time has come to help the self-proclaimed “King of Debt” get back to where he belongs –bankruptcy. He loves him some bankruptcy – it allows him all the convenience of stiffing his creditors while simultaniously scaring the banks into not letting him go completely under. Let’s help him make it final this time so we never have to hear his big mouth or let him shove his tiny hands into our pockets…or our whatever, ever again. The entire staff here at Paying Attention has vowed never to stay in a Chrump hotel or buy any of the many low-quality-made-with-slave-labor Chrump brand whatevers. Not that we ever have or would have anyway, but we want to get a lot of credit for doing this. We probably won’t because, as you know, the system is totally rigged.

Gimme!

The Orange Jesus

Many people are saying that there is connection between Chrump and Jesus Christ. I know not what course others may take, but whenever I see or hear Chrump I tend to scream out a certain oft invoked name. In some ways I am not alone. According to Jerry Falwell, Jr, “Donald Trump lives a life of loving and helping others as Jesus taught.” Michele Bachmann said that “at the end of the day God raised up, I believe Donald Trump who was going to be the nominee in this election.” Many of Chrump’s devotees see him as a Christ figure, a god if you will. Displaying the incredible humility that made him what he is, Chrump readily admits that the Bible is a better book than his own The Art of The Deal (which he apparently neither wrote nor read). Truly humble. One thing he has done religiously throughout his life is avoid going to church. Chrump has no time for the poor, the downtrodden, the meek or anything resembling what Jesus taught. He does cherish women…in his own speical way. And you don’t have to take the Chrump/Christ connection from me or Falwell or Bachmann, et al. Here we have it straight from the whore’s mouth: “I never knew that it would be this vile, that it would be this bad, that it would be this vicious. Nertheless I take all these slings and arrows gladly for you and many political experts warned me that this campaign would be a journey to hell. They said that. But they’re wrong, it will be a journey to heaven.” Now if we could only find a way to get him to die for our sins…or maybe for his. Discuss.

Chrump is a well-rounded individual. He embodies many traits that exist in human beings, many of whom inhabit the United States of America Being Made Great Again. So many people are simply one-dimensional. But not Chrump. He is something of a renaissance man. He is part drunk redneck, part tinpot dictator, part Bill Cosby and part deranged mental patient. If you’re lucky you missed him saying, “Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of US sovereignty. This is a conspiracy against you the American people and we can not let this happen or continue.” That’s right; we cannot let it happen, or if it is already happening and I just don’t know about it because I’m too busy doing my “hair” then we can’t let it continue. It just makes you wonder if he can even hear himself when he speaks. 

Chrumpnado

Chrump Tzu’s The Fart of War

Chinese general, military strategist, and philosopher Sun Tzu wrote The Art of War over 2500 years ago. It remains highly respected by students of military and business strategy the world over. Many successful American business leaders consider it a must read. Chrump is most assuredly not among them. Even without knowing that Don has probably never read a book and assuming that Chrump is in fact a successful businessman, which remains to be verified, one can be certain that he never picked this one up. A quick glace at some of the more well-known quotes from Sun Tzu reveals Chrump as embodying something well beyond the oposite of Sun Tzu’s thoughtful, insightful philosophy on strategy.

Chrump would have us believe he is the windshield, but he is – beyond any doubt now – the bug. He and the windshield are poised to make contact at about 80 miles an hour. I figure this should be around 9:15 PM EST on November 8^th.

Chrump me! Chrump me!

Not to worry though, no matter what happens Chrump will declare victory, “the best victory. No one does victories better than me.” And he will be able to live on Pennsylvania Avenue blocks  away from 1600 in his new empty hotel. (The new Chrump Whatever-it-is in DC just opened and had to offer rooms at yuuuuge discounts due to the equally yuuuuge number of vacancies while every other hotel in the area was booked solid during the big WTO meeting. So even the world’s corporate overlords don’t want to have anything to do with Chrumptopussy.) I look forward to countless reports of Chrump mooning the White House, screaming obscenities out his window, and standing outside his hotel accosting passersby and bragging about what big crowds he is attracting after the election.

 

We now have a much clearer picture of the way Don “Cosby-Lite” Chrump thinks about and apparently acts toward women. He thinks he can just freshen up his fast-food-breath and without so much as by your leave stick his tongue in their mouths, telling Billy Bush, “And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.” We have known for quite some time how attracted he is to Russia’s Vladimir Putin. I wonder if Chrump thinks he is famous enough to grab Putin by the p****r.

Black Votes Matter

Personally I am looking forward to November 9^th when we can finally get started on the 2020 presidential election.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

The Not-So-Great Chrumpkin

Well, That Happened

Less Vegas
October 20, 2016

Last night's debate was clearly rigged. The dishonest media allowed Chrump to talk, right out of his face sphincter. Why didn't anyone try to stop him? Nonetheless Chrump won this third debate little hands down. He undoubtedly out-Chrumped himself. He sniffed and he whiffed and he blew himself up. He showed that he still knows less than nothing about just about every important topic. And that is his brand. Chrump is fighting for ignorance, ineptitude and insanity. He is proud of who he is and he made that abundantly clear in the final debate.

Most important, Chrump refused to say he would accept the results of the election, instead offering that he would see what he thinks when the time comes. Many people are talking about this. Actually, everybody is talking about this. I guarantee that all of Chrump’s handlers, trainers and veterinarians worked feverishly to ensure their candidate would not respond to whether or not he would accept the election results with, “What I'm saying is that I will tell you at the time. I'll keep you in suspense. Ok?” I would bet that any other answer would have been more acceptable to those advising Donnybrook. After the debate campaign manager Kellyanne Conway looked like she had just been thrown under a bus or perhaps spent several harrowing minutes alone with her candidate and his tiny, grabby hands and lips. Also, many people are wondering if Don has been able to remove both feet from his mouth this morning. Chrump’s campaign has not responded to requests for confirmation. I am happy not to tell him just yet, but many, many people are saying that he has already lost.

 

So to all those doubters out there, wake up and smell the Chrump. The most inexperienced, incomprehensible, ignorant, insincere creature ever to enter – seriously or otherwise – presidential politics won this final, critical debate as only he could. He has cemented his place in American politics as surely as mobsters of old cemented the shoes of their rivals and to similar effect. In this final faceoff Chrump inarguably managed to keep his first and most cherished, if completely disingenuous campaign promise – he successfully completed the most beautiful wall we have ever seen. The wall between Don Chrump and the American electorate.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Three Weeks 'Til The Rigged Election

Pre-Mortem on Tonight's Debate 

Las Vegas, NV
October 19, 2016 

Reliable sources claim that Hillary Clinton’s campaign considered responding in kind to Chrump inviting several of Bill’s accusers to the second debate. An anonymous staffer tells Paying Attention that team Clinton was planning to invite the women who accused Don Chrump of sexual assault and/or harassment, but the Commission on Presidential Debates informed the campaign that the venue simply was not large enough to accommodate that number of people. The Commission was also concerned for the safety of the pussy-grabbing misanthrope. Chrump was hoping to force Bill Clinton to shake hands with his long-forgotten, never proven accusers, but the commission put a stop to his petty, childish plan. One key difference, when Bill Clinton got caught doing something inappropriate at least he had the good sense to lie about it rather than brag about it like Don Whatthefuck’swrongwithyou.

A debate commissioner, who spoke on condition of anonymity said, “We would like nothing better than to see Mr. Trump in a room full of women whom he has treated the way he says he likes to treat women. Maybe they could meet him in the spin room afterwards. I would pay to see that. It would be much more interesting and productive to have them in the debate hall, but those fire marshals Mr. Trump is always bitching about seem very strict about overfilling venues even when doing so favors Trump. Maybe he is wrong about all of them being Democrats, or maybe he is wrong about the fact that someone is a Democrat means they cannot carry out their jobs in a professional manner. Or maybe he is simply wrong about everything. I’ll leave that up to the pundits and the public; it’s above my pay grade.”  

Chrump for his part has invited Obama’s estranged half-brother who supports Chrump. I’m not sure how this is supposed to affect Mrs. Clinton, but figuring out what the hell goes on underneath that clump of orange fluff is above my pay grade.

More news as it reveals itself. Otherwise, we will just make shit up like the Orange Gas Cloud.

I. Mangrey reporting. What happens in Vegas could destroy us all.

Chrumping Ourselves Back To The Stone Age

Grabbing The Headlines

All Over, The F*&#ing Place
October 13, 2016

Talking Out of Both Sides of His Face Sphincter

“And even the polls are crooked. I’m telling you.” Don Chrump, October 10, 2016

“Out of all the online polls, we won 10 out of 10 of them by big margins.” Don Chrump, October 12, 2016

Talking Out of His Lower Sphincter

“We’re doing something that’s incredible, it’s a movement. But if we don’t win all it is is just a little asterik (sic) in history…make sure you get out and vote – November 28^th.”  Don Chrump, October 11, 2016

Ship of Fool

The Titanic of presidential candidates appears to have, let’s say nudged the iceberg. In true Chrump fashion, even though everyone is telling him it is an iceberg he will put it in reverse and then floor it for another collision. He will, as always, prevail. Sure, there is a yuuuuge gash in the hull, the crew is donning life vests and directing traffic toward safety, women and children are piling into lifeboats, the band is still playing because Chrump is threatening to sue them if they stop, but the ship’s captain has gone full-on King Lear. “This ocean is rigged. Nobody is a better captain than Donald J. Chrump. I know the ocean better than whales do. I have a great relationship with the fishes. This is not an iceberg, I’ll just grab it by the pussy and show it who’s boss. Never give up. Never turn back. Full steam ahead. And just for good measure, hoist up the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner. I never fail. I never lose. I never fail. I never settle. Not as long as one single person wants to watch me on television. That makes me smart. I will defeat this iceberg just like Napoleon defeated Waterloo. This is not an iceberg. Okay?”

It’s Debatable

The second presidential debate is now history. Chrump did a great job both convincing his minions to still vote for him and horrifying everyone else on the planet. If he can just keep this momentum going for another two weeks America will be great and the Chrump brand will be relegated to the dustbin of history where it belongs. Don did manage to drop a major bombshell to kick off the second debate: Bill Clinton had sex with women other than his wife. Who knew? Everyone who was born yesterday is shocked. The ever petulant Chrump made this very clear in between Category 4 sniffles (I am surprised that his tiny hands were able to keep the microphone from being sucked up through his nose and slamming right into his shriveled brain), peddling old lies and repeatedly debunked conspiracy theories, and in between whiny tantrums about being picked on by the moderators (“It’s one against three.” “Why don’t you interrupt her? You interrupt me all the time.”). Like a four year old who cannot seem to comprehend that his mother is on the phone and continues to flail about and demand her attention despite much finger wagging and being repeatedly shushed, Chrump picked up where he left off in the first debate with his constant interruptions. He has the best temperament.  

Pouty McFuckface stalking his opponent

 

When the Orange Lump was not either wandering aimlessly or literally stalking Clinton as she spoke, he used his face sphincter to call her the Devil, threaten to use a special prosecutor to put her in jail and insisted that she has hate in her heart. Given his history with women, this could have gotten much uglier than it did. Fortunately Hillary is well out of his age range for kissing or grabbing her…well, you know. Chrump cannot control his hands or his mouth, his thoughts or his whatever. Maybe he was off his game because a growing swath of the party for whom he is the standard-bearer doesn’t want to be caught dead endorsing him after his 4,378^th major malfunction. Not that he cares what they think. Maybe he was upset that his running mate is very, very disappointed in his potty mouth and hid from the public for a few days.

Maybe Chrump couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he bragged about sexually molesting women. Maybe every time he is near Hillary something funny happens in his pants and it goes to his head. Maybe it is (sniff) too hard for him to (sniff) breathe when he is (sniff) engaged in something other than (sniff) “locker room talk”. Maybe his meds went haywire. Maybe whatever has him snorting like a demented warthog when he attempts to talk kicked in harder that he expected. Maybe he is simply incapable…

BREAKING NEWS

Unnamed spokesperson: “You’re better off
jabbing yourself with a dirty syringe.”

The National Institutes of Health and Center for Disease Control and Prevention has put out this emergency warning regarding having unprotected exposure to a dangerous pathogen:

We are putting out this unprecedented warning for American women to absolutely avoid places known to be expecting a visit from Donald Chrump. Mr. Chrump will be crisscrossing the United States for the next four weeks attempting to get your votes…and your whatever. This is particularly important if you are a female between the ages of 18 and 36. Do not take any chances; it is simply not worth the risk – if you can see this man, you’re too darn close. In addition to the risk of being verbally, emotionally and/or physically abused by someone who thinks he can do whatever he wants because he is famous, there is no way to know what kinds of diseases he might be carrying given his long history of despicable treatment of women. The way he acts, late-stage syphilis is a distinct possibility. This, coupled with Mr. Chrump’s proclivity to wantonly kiss and sexually assault any woman he finds attractive and then brag about it, constitute a national health emergency just waiting to happen. Zika mosquitos aint’ got nothing on this blood-sucking varmint. Please take every precaution any time you hear that Chrump is coming to your area. We strongly suggest you shelter in place until November 9^th, especially if you are planning to vote for the racist, woman-hating orange lunatic.

Beware lest he grab you by the pussy!
Why? Because he wants to.

We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Angst

…difficult to know for certain exactly what is going on in Chrump’s fevered brain.

Who’s With Him?

Chrump remains resolute in the face of the latest exposé of his deplorable behavior, “I don’t care how many loser Republicans withdraw their endorsements. I don’t need them. Paul Ryan is a communist. I don’t care if people decide that I’m a vile, serial assaulter of women. Hey it worked for my buddy Roger Ailes for decades…almost as long as me, and I’m much better looking and I’ve assaulted much better looking women than Roger. I don’t care if everyone who’s not a neo-Nazi, a white supremacist or whatever decide not to vote for me. I know more about ISIS, women, taxes, nuclear and the cyber than anyone ever. I have a very good brain. There’s no way I can lose. It doesn’t matter if don’t get any votes from the blacks or Latinos or women. If they want to be losers that’s their business. I don’t need voters to win this election. That I can tell you. I can win this election all by myself. That I can tell you.”

Let’s face it, both of these candidates have been running for president for decades, each in his or her own way. But now there is less than one month to go. One will win and one will lose, or one will win and everyone will lose. If Chrump gets…gulp…elected, there will be no need for a wall on our southern border. What Mexican, what foreigner in their right mind would consider coming into this country? The bigger question at that point? How many American citizens will be leaving?

If the election goes the other way, thousands of Muslims (and millions of Americans in general) will literally be dancing in the streets (for real this time) on November 9^th when the Thing of Queens tucks his orange tail between his puffy lips and waddles off into the sunset, into which he will quickly disappear since he and it are the same orange hue. Don’t stop at the sunset Don, keep walking toward the Sun, in space no one can hear you whine. 

BREAKINGER NEWS – PG*13 (and counting) 

The *Pussy Grabbing King of Mar-A-Lago is making headlines hourly now. There is just no way a small news outlet like ours can keep up. It appears that women across the nation are anxious to get something off their chests; off their chests, off their lips and off their whatevers, and that something is Don Chrump. We are now able to form a much clearer picture of what Don is like when he is unshackled. He is not taking the news well, shouting at the reporter who called him to get his side of the story and threatening to sue everyone in his path. Maybe he should have tapped into his excellent memory before deciding to use Bill Clinton’s sexual escapades as a campaign strategy. 



We cannot emphasize strongly enough the necessity of heeding the NIH/CDC warning from earlier today. Hide your daughters. Even the briefest contact could be toxic. If you see Chrump avert your eyes, avert your whatever. Just for the record and contrary to what Mr. Chrump has said, this reporter is quite sure that somebody respects women more than Chrump.

I. Mangrey unshackled. He who lives by the pussy dies by the pussy. 

Does He Kiss His Daughter With That Mouth?

A Real Handful

Excess Hollywood
October 8, 2016

I just can’t figure this thing out. To flee or not to flee that is the question. Many people are saying that I have been a bit obsessed with this Chrump thing. I don’t know why people would say something like this, but I read all the internets and I think I saw it somewhere, or someone told me, so I assume it must be true. It is painful to watch and painful to write about and I apologize for dragging you into this with me. That being said, as I had almost finished the report below, the One-Man Insane Clown Posse has outdone himself. As Category 5 storm Matthew prepared to batter the southeast coast of the United States, a Category Chrump Shit Storm blanketed the news. Though less devastating to life and property, this latest disclosure might put a permanent dent in the Candidate From Hell. Let me give you this excerpt straight from the horse’s ass’s mouth:

“I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I am automatically attracted to beautiful women – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star you can do anything, they let you do it…grab them by the p****. I can do any of that.”

Yes ladies and gentlemen there you have it, vintage Don Chrump on a hot mic with Access Hollywood circa 2005, talking about a married woman he was…shall we say pursuing…a few months after marrying his third soon-to-be-ex-wife Melania. I assume she has already signed a non-disclosure agreement.

Daughter Ivanka, who daddy Don has verbally groped on television and who he groped on stage at the RNC said this past May, “He's not a groper. He has total respect for women.” I hope she has a really good therapist.

Daddy dearest

Just for good luck, and this must be why the blacks love him so much, Chrump recently said he still believes that the Central Park Five (four black and one Hispanic – all teens), wrongly convicted of raping the Central Park Jogger and later exonerated, are guilty. Chrump at the time of the high profile crime, called for a reinstatement of the death penalty and rained hate down on these young boys. Obviously he was right, the actual perpetrator confessed for fun thirteen years later (in 2002) and the DNA that corroborated his confession were wrong. Nobody knows more about the justice system – law and order if you will – than Don Chrump.

It’s Official Now

Those Russian hackers mentioned below were officially accused by the Obama administration of carrying out an extensive hacking operation in an effort to interfere with the 2016 elections. Many people are saying that Obama is just angry because Putin likes Chrump more than him. According to Chrump, “Obama will never get away with this. He is grandstanding and trying to scare the American people with Russian hackers. I was the one who said the election would be rigged if I don’t win, so he’s just trying to say it will be rigged if I do win. What a loser. Why does Obama pick on the Russians? They never bothered anyone. Is he just jealous that they have a stronger leader? Many people are saying that. Many people. We’ll see. Mark my words, it was not the Russians. It could be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay? Believe me.”

I. Mangrey reporting. It’s not my fault.                                        

****

Business As Unreal

October 6, 2016

The Republican’t candidate for president is clearly mellowing as he enters the last throes of the 2016 Election Era. Addressing one of the few minorities he has not brutally and repeatedly insulted, the Orange Oaf reached out with the kind of empathy and touching words that shows he really cares. “I don’t care how sick you are. I don’t care if you just came back from the doctor and he gave you the worst possible prognosis, meaning it’s over. You won’t be around in two weeks. Doesn’t matter. Hang out ‘til November 8^th get out and vote.” Yes he actually said that. He really does care…about himself. Only. Always.

Chrump is a faux businessman who started out on third base, always claiming he hit a triple and by most accounts is now somehow back on first base. He continually shrieks about how America needs someone like Donald Chrump who understands business in the White House to Make America Whatever Again. Let us assume for the sake of argument that Con…I mean Don understands business. Ouch, it hurt to even formulate that thought. Maybe I am mistaken, but I seem to recall another candidate – one who despite the will of the people ended up residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue – who also claimed great business sense and who also benefitted more from a family fortune than any trace of business acumen or mental ability. He was touted as the CEO president, which we were told would be so much better than all those incompetent lawyer presidents like Adams, Jefferson, Monroe, Lincoln and Clinton – to name only a few. Both Chrump and The Other Guy eschewed education. Both have obvious attention issues. Chrump miraculously lost close to a billion dollars running casinos (and thinks that qualifies him as a genius). The Other Guy couldn’t find oil in Texas. Oh, and his administration helped cause the worst recession since the Great Depression. Yes, more of that please.

At least The Other Guy had family and friends who knew their way around politics. Sure every last one of them was an insane, war-mongering sociopath, but hey, no one is perfect. Chrump has surrounded himself with the likes of Chris Christie who is on the verge of being impeached and/or being indicted for his role in Bridgegate and bankrupting New Jersey, Rudy Giuliani racist former mayor of New York who couldn’t string five words together without grousing about “9/11” suddenly forgot it ever happened while blaming Obama for the birth of terrorism on American soil, Newt Gingrich whose own party threw him under the bus, bringing an early, unceremonious end to his time as Speaker of the House, a team of ultra-right wing racists, and Vladimir Putin who is busy hacking everything from the DNC to multiple state voter registration databases just as Chrump asked.

Turds of a feather

All I can do is leave you with this…

I. Mangrey reporting. Resistance is futile.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

WTF* 2016

Chrump Fiction

Somewhere, Right Next to Reality
October 2, 2016

So let me get this straight, Don Chrump can spend five racist years (so far) dogging the sitting president of the United States about his birth certificate – something no other president has ever been asked to provide – but a professional conman, with no discernable qualifications, who repeatedly filed for bankruptcy, has a history of questionable international connections including apparently disregarding the embargo against doing business with Cuba, a scam “university” facing a class action suit, bragged that he has not paid any federal income tax, claims he is being and has been audited by the IRS for fifteen years and whose “charity” foundation is currently under investigation by the attorney general of New York (who also called Chrump University “a straight up fraud”) does by not have to show the American public his tax returns – something every presidential candidate has done since a man called Nixon – the original Law and Order candidate. I have the best sentences.

Chrump told the debate audience (during one of his numerous interruptions) that not paying federal taxes “makes me smart.” (Wrong.) Let’s accept that his premise is correct (Wrong. Wrong. It is not correct.) just for the sake of argument. If not paying taxes makes one smart (It does not.) then Chrump is obviously the exception that proves the rule. (I did not say that, but if I had said it, it is because it is true.)

Pasty-face over here could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody
and he wouldn’t lose any voters. So who’re you planning to vote for?

The man who tried to force his second wife to pose nude for Playboy, has been accused of rape three times (including by one of his wives) and treated marriage like it was “The Apprentice”, cheating on his wives and bragging about it, always having his next contestant in pre-production before telling his current wife (each of whom had to sign a non-disclosure agreement in order to continue receiving alimony), “You’re fired,” thinks it’s a good idea to bring up Hillary’s husband’s infidelities to go after her. As everyone knows, and many people are saying, Chrump is currently trying figure out how to replace his current wife – who is nearing her marital expiration date – with his oldest daughter. He has the best ideas.

While blaming Hillary for Bill Clinton’s affairs and threatening to blab about it for the remainder of the campaign, Don asserts that he has “a very good” marital history. His marital excellence bona fides are being ballyhooed by two of his most high-profile please-give-me-a-cabinet-post-Mr.-Chrump surrogates: Newton Leroy “Resigned in Disgrace After Being Jettisoned by His Own Party” Gingrich and Rudolph William Louis “Thrown Out of The Mayor’s Mansion By His Wife (and children) For Cheating on Her and Dumping her On Television” Giuliani. Both of these upstanding idiots, also married three times like Don are out there selling marital wholesomeness. Gingrich of course cheated on his wife and informed her he was divorcing her while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery – a great role model.

A bloated fast-food-guzzling Twitter-obsessed (self-medicated?) insomniac rages about his 1996 Miss Universe gaining weight, calling her Miss Piggy and “an eating machine.” We know he is sleep-deprived because of the time stamps on his all night tweets, we know his brain is oxygen-deprived because we can hear him talk. Here’s another brain-free gem from the Orange Gas Cloud: “The Clintons are the sordid past. We'll be the very bright and clean future.” Oh yeah, bright and clean as a freshly polished turd. Or did he really say blight and spleen? Dark and early the next morning – at 3:20 AM – before tweeting a series of disgusting, pathetic lies Don opened his barrage of bullchrump with:

Doesn’t he ever get tired of talking about himself?

Chrump’s most despised – and devastatingly demoralizing – Twitter nemesis Elizabeth Warren got a good night’s sleep, ate a healthy breakfast, worked a full day and at a more reasonable hour countered with righteous relevance and strategic snark:

Paper or Spastic?

Major newspapers all across the country, many of them century-long Republican-leaning – from Dallas and Houston, to Cincinnati and Akron, San Diego and Los Angeles, Baltimore and New York to Maine and Arizona and Virginia – are urging their readers to vote for Hillary Clinton and not Chrump. USA Today has never before weighed in on a presidential election. They recently broke their silence fearing a Chrump presidency imploring their readers to “resist the siren song of a dangerous demagogue.” Don has the endorsement of exactly zero papers. Face it, Chrump is just in this for the real estate. As he said during the first debate, “we’re just opening up, on Pennsylvania Avenue, right next to the White House, so if I don’t get there one way I’ll get to Pennsylvania Avenue another.” *Wells The Fargo?

Please just move in next door and skip all this pretend campaigning crap. You don’t even want to be president. Everyone knows that. You made your point – whatever that might have been. Put up your very own MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner and move on. You can even have another television show for all I care – at least I can turn it off like I always used to do. I’ll chip in for your fucking rent. And you’ll have much more free time to tweet. Until your tiny little fingers fall off. I promise I’ll read every single one, and my promise is as good as any of yours. Live it up. Moon the White House every day at noon. Date you daughter. It’s all good.

Chrump’s new hair-do.

Respect elders

I. Mangrey reporting. Our motto: To protest and serve.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA