Not-so Musical Chairs

The Sound of One Shoe Dropping (Over and Over and over Again)

On the Chrumpy-go-round
July 31, 2017

Previously on As The Chrump Burns we learned that human grease stain Anthony Scaramucci became Chrump’s new communications director, causing the departure of Sean Spicer. By the time those electrons had dried on the screen, Scaramucci had also caused the disappearance of the dynamic, irrepressible Reince Priebus. If you are looking for a high-level, high-profile position with no need for experience or even the slightest bit of competence and absolutely zero job security, contact:

Ad Hoc President, Donald J. Chrump
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500

The Chrump administration is breaking records. Not only for golf outings, general tweeting, insane tweeting, lying, scandals, meetings with Russian operatives, forgetting about meeting with Russian operatives, insulting world leaders (who are not brutal dictators) national security leaks by the “president” himself, inciting violence and all-around incompetence. The Chrump administration is losing personnel at a record breaking pace and in record breaking form. Chrump is quickly and thoroughly losing and/or tossing aside cabinet members and advisors at the highest level. Here is the list so far – they really are the cream of the crap:

Shortest-serving National Security Advisor – Mike Flynn. Shortest-serving Chief-of-staff – Reince Preibus. This led to the shortest-serving head of Homeland Security – Gen. John Kelly, which in turn gave us the shortest-serving AG – Jeff Sessions. The shortest-serving White House Communications Director – Sean Spicer; actually Spicey has two of the shortest stints at this post, since he was replaced in March for a while and then made acting director when his replacement either wanted or was told to spend more time with his family.* We are just getting started so this might be only the beginning. The people at Guinness Book of Records are going to working overtime for a while. The pièce de résistance of course will be when Hair Chrump becomes be the shortest serving Commander-in-chief.

______________________
*Actually, Ronald Reagan had a communications director who served a shorter term. Just over a week into the job, it was learned that Jack Koehler, who had grown up in Germany, had been a Hitler youth. And, as you probably know, The Mooch has now broken all records by lasting only 10 days. I wish him hell.

I. Mangrey reporting. Head spinning, stomach churning, brain hurting.

What a Faking Mother Faker

Donald Chrump Drains His Own Swamp

The Thick of It
July 26, 2017

America’s fake president just will not quit. For some reason he hates everyone around him. With the possible exception of Mike Flynn, who had to quit for being too cozy with the Russians. Actually, that is not exactly why he quit. Flynn had to exit in disgrace because he lied about his coziness with the Russians and because everyone except Donald Chrump wanted him out. Chrump dumped so many campaign managers – all of whom he continued to call on for advice. In fact, he is still pining for Mike Flynn. What idiot hired all these people in the first place?

Der Furor loved James Comey last October when Comey was putting the final nail in the Clinton campaign’s coffin. Chrump fired him in May.

Chrump brought in the human incarnation of Anthony Weiner’s dick pic, Anthony Scaramucci, which made Sean Spicer so sad that Sean gave up and left. Chrump desperately wants tiny bigot Jeff Sessions to resign because he is afraid to fire him. Many people are saying that Hair Chrump is asking advisors if he can fire the Senate and the House. Chrump told Paying Attention reporter Ho Li Schitte, “There is nothing that I have seen in the Constitution that says the Senate and House can’t be fired for not doing the job the president wants them to do. I won the election bigly and I have read all 500 pages many times. I know it by heart, so I can tell you that not the president, but the presidency…the presidency can fire the Senate and I think the House also. That I can tell you. And I know a few things, believe me. I know more about the Constitution than anyone alive today. Everybody knows this. Just ask anyone.”

While speaking to thousands of young people at the annual Boy Scouts Jamboree, Chrump said of Health and Human Services secretary Tom Price, “Hopefully he’s going to get the votes tomorrow to start on the path to kill this thing called ObamaCare that’s really hurting us. He better get them, otherwise I’ll say, ‘Tom, you’re fired.’” The fake media says that Chrump was joking when he said that to the Scouts…at a non-political event…for Boy Scouts…after bragging about winning the election…again (or is it still?). First of all, it is Chrump’s job to get the votes, and second of all, fuck him. Chrump has not done a day’s work since oozing into office. To be fair, Chrump has never done an actual day’s work in his whole life, so I guess you get what you pay for.

Look it up

It appears that those Chrump has not publicly hated on thus far probably hate him (with the singular exception of Putin and company). Sources say that Wrecks Tillerson continues to regret joining the Chrump “team”. In his latest disappointment with his idiot boss, Tillerson called Chrump’s behavior towards Jeff Sessions “unprofessional”. One cannot help but wonder what the fuck Tillerson thought of Chrump’s behavior before that – like when he entered the race by calling all Mexicans rapists, or said a judge was unfit to rule on a case involving Chrump because the judge was Mexican (he was not), or when Chrump talked about grabbing women by the pussy, or verbally ogled Emmanuel Macron’s wife, or ever for that matter. And just how professional did Tillerson think he himself was behaving while he was violating his nation’s sanctions against Russia? I say fuck ‘em all.

Chrump also refuses to quit going after Hillary Clinton. He continues to demand that everyone investigate her instead of him. Does he still want to lock her up?

A sample of Chrump’s latest Twitter farting deluge

Hello, I must be going.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Laws? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Laws

Give It Oil You’ve Got

July 24, 2017

One would be excused for poo-pooing the following story. Back in 2015 it was revealed that in even further back in 1977 Exxon knew full well that 1) there was a serious problem, 2) they were part of it, and 3) they wanted to make damn sure that no one found out what they knew. At a July 1977 meeting at corporate headquarters, James F. Black, a senior Exxon scientist addressed a roomful of Exxon’s top oilmen. Black told them, "In the first place, there is general scientific agreement that the most likely manner in which mankind is influencing the global climate is through carbon dioxide release from the burning of fossil fuels." For some reason, this episode escaped me. Or maybe I just forgot about it. Or maybe there is another, more credible reason.



Maybe the scum-sucking, Earth-hating, people-eating megacorporation buried their in-house research proving that the climate was changing and that human activity was contributing. Did I mention that this was in 1977? In 1978, Black shared his concerns with a broader Exxon audience. Black warned that, "Present thinking holds that man has a time window of five to ten years before the need for hard decisions regarding changes in energy strategies might become critical." I know, you are probably thinking – how could a total disregard for the global environment coupled with unrestricted burning of fossil fuels, conscience-free discarding of all manner of refuse and a level of greed almost as vast as the Earth itself.

 



Now we are reminded that Exxon’s unconditional disregard for the environment branched out to include corporate-sized disregard for the law. I know, what a surprise. Exxon did business with a Russian oil magnate, in defiance of sanctions put in place by Barack Obama’s in 2014, in response to Russia’s annexation of Crimea. At that time a man named Wrecks Tillerson was CEO of Exxon. A lot of people do not know this, but Tillerson – who is also quite chummy with Vladimir Putin – is currently Secretary of State. Exxon is in turn, suing the government over the crushing $2M fine. A monetary punishment of this magnitude could amount to the loss of profits from almost an entire hour’s worth of the wanton environmental devastation Exxon calls doing business. They will probably spend more than $2M on lawyers’ fees. But, you know for Exxon, it is the principle that matters most. Thank goodness for the rule of law and American justice. How will the giant corporation – that lied for decades about the threat of man-(well, Exxon)-made global warming, and receives billions in federal subsidies (i.e., welfare) – survive such a devastating financial paper cut?

“Okay, but no tongues…this time.”

Tillerson, while at Exxon, took a page out of Dick Cheney’s playbook. A lot of people don’t know that the ex-Secretary of State and then-CEO/future vice president’s Halliburton once flouted the very same laws by doing business with Iran while that country was under sanctions. God bless Haliburton. God bless Exxon. God apparently is too busy to bless America. Nevertheless, America will be great again. With or without God’s blessing. Just you wait and see. We have the hat to prove it.

Speaking of making America great again (a phrase first uttered by none other than Ronald Reagan and then invented almost 40 years later by Chrump), we here at Paying Attention have just started a pool for when that will happen. I am going with April 1, 2025. You can bank on that. Believe me. Best America ever.

I. Mangrey reporting.                                                        

                                                                                                      

 

Sessions' Almost Over

Little Bigot Man 

Under the bus
July 21, 2017

Donald Chrump thinks it is the Attorney General’s job to protect the president, even if that means protecting the president from himself. He is very upset that Jeff Sessions, who lied under oath about meeting with Russians during his confirmation hearing (the true depth of those lies might not yet be fully known), yet was sill confirmed, decided to take a break from committing crime by recusing himself (sort of) from any investigations into Chrump and Russia. The Don said he would not have hired Sessions if he had known that the Attorney General was going to protect and defend the Constitution instead of the double-dealing, Russian apologist (at least), conman president. It would not be surprising for an Attorney General to resign after the kind of dressing-down Chrump laid on Jeff Sessions.

But Sessions will not go away so easily. Not when there is so much insanity for him to inflict on our nation. He is on a mission from God. Sessions is bent on bringing back Nixon’s long-failed War on Drugs. He is obsessed with eradicating the scourge of Refer Madness, because the Devil’s Weed is “only slightly less awful than heroin.” Sessions has no problem with the epidemic of murder and accidental suicide resulting from prescription opioids – that is just good old fashioned collateral damage. We don’t want to upset the boys over in Big Pharma. Jeff Sessions also has nightmares of imaginary inner cities where violent crime is engulfing everything, even though law enforcement experts and statistics beg to differ. I do not think for a second that Sessions’ obsession has anything to do with the preponderance of minority and immigrant residents in our inner cities. I think it for approximately 24 hours…every day. Perhaps nearest and dearest to Sessions’ heart is all the work he needs to do to disenfranchise Black and Latino voters across this great land of ours.

Begging a Pardon?

Der Furor also took some time to lash out at special prosecutor Robert Mueller. Chrump warned Mueller not to dig into his and his family’s personal finances, lest he find himself out of a job…Mueller, that is. Chrump is looking into pardoning himself (and others). I am looking forward to seeing how that works out for Donny Dolittle. Chrump told no one in particular, “As I have always said, only innocent people ask for pardons. Always said that. Always. I am just protecting America. It is almost great again. We're so close. I’m getting so much done it’s making my head spin. If you could just hold my hand you would feel it too. My hands are more than average size. In fact, they may be larger than that. I will be totally and completely vindicated and then pardoned. Totally. Anything I might have done, but did not do, could very well be totally fine because of Statute of Limitation laws. And, I had the biggest inauguration of all time. It was truly amazing. So many people. So many. Also, I am the best president so far and I have absolutely no mental problems. That I can tell you. Also I am the best president so far and I have absolutely no mental problems.”

In fairness to Donny, Sr., he has been busy, and not just all that golfing and Putin licking. Between January, 20 and July 20, 2017 Twitterbell has cranked out 1,002 tweets. That is over five per day. Full disclosure: not all of them were bat-shit crazy – only about 90 percent fall into that category. And he also got to pretend to drive a fire truck.

This is not a wax figure (except for the “hair”), though it has a similar IQ. 

Mel Brooks is 91 years old. He remembers what people he had lunch with were wearing 50 years ago. Brooks has story after story of fairly routine events in his life and he remembers excruciating detail. Every single member of the Chrump campaign/administration (they are one and the same) has trouble remembering things that happened 50 days ago. Can you imagine how they will feel once all these memories come flooding  back? Me neither.

I. Mangrey reporting. Impeach and replace.

Good News is No News. This is Not Good News.

Zen and The Art of News-Cycle Maintenance

July 20, 2017

Now He Is Physically Ill

After all he has been through, and all he has put us through, John McCain now has brain cancer. Can that retroactively explain inflicting Sarah Palin on us? Donald Chrump, who recently complimented (?) McCain, calling him ‘‘a crusty voice in Washington. Plus, we need his vote,’’ may also have said, “Actually, I like people who don’t have cancer.”

Putin Grabs Some Pussy

It turns out that 2½ hours of quality time with his beloved Vladimir, was not enough. Who knows when they might see each other again? Desperate for just one more glance, one more touch, perhaps a last sweet, sweet kiss, Chrump wandered away from his seat during a G-20 dinner with all the principals and their spouses and plopped his considerable butt beside Putin. Chrump had this previously undisclosed tête-à-tête sans support staff of any kind. Chrump sat and talked with Putin and Putin’s translator (Chrump’s translator does not speak Russian.) for an hour. Don said it was a very short meeting, proving only that time is one more thing about which he has no clue. Those who witnessed this meeting of the swines were taken aback, not only be the mere occurrence of such a meeting, but by the animated nature of the conversation, frequented by laughter. Many people are saying that tongues were involved. A bromance for the ages. What could possibly go wrong? Rest assured that Chrump will have no recollection of any such meeting.

One witness of the impromptu tryst said, “It was very disconcerting to see Mr. Chrump blowing kisses across the dining hall to Mr. Putin, who was beckoning Mr. Chrump to join him by patting the empty chair next to him with a kind of come hither look. As Mr. Chrump waddled over to sit next to Putin, we hoped he was only going to the bathroom. No one else really wanted anything to do with either of them, but they couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. Most disturbing of all was when Mr. Chrump suddenly disappeared beneath the table. He was down there a good long while and I don’t think he was picking up his napkin, if you know what I mean. The smile on Mr. Putin’s face was quite disturbing to all of us. Mr. Chrump had to be hoisted back to his feet by several men.”

The Power of Positive Tanking

After seven years and scores of attempts to repeal and pretend to replace Obamacare, Republican’ts finally had their big chance. They own the Senate and the House, and finally have a “president” who will sign anything that hurts Obama’s legacy. Not that Chrump is a petty, petulant, pusillanimous, prevaricator or anything. The party of Putin-in-America has now had three stabs at passing their tax-cuts-for-the-rich-in-healthcare-bill’s-clothing to no avail.

Chrump blames everyone but himself for the Republican’t Senate failing to pass their killer healthcare reform. The House passed theirs, which Chrump loved and then hated. No one knows for sure where he stands at the moment. Not that it really matters since he is always standing on quicksand. Chrump blames Democrats for failing to support Chrump and the lunatic Republican’t’s efforts to kill the healthcare system Democrats worked on for decades. The fact that Dems caved at just about every turn to satisfy Republican’ts and insurance and pharmaceutical companies to get tens-of-millions more Americans health insurance just was not good enough. Obamacare simply did not meet the Republican’t criteria; it did not screw enough people to satisfy them. So now that they run everything they are trying their damndest to kill poor people and for some reason only about 10 percent of the public - or as Chrump puts it, almost half the country - thinks that is a good idea. Just because Chrump and the Republican’ts like to punch themselves in the nuts on a daily basis does not mean the Democrats have to do the same (they generally do a pretty good job of that, but thankfully were unwilling to do so with Obamacare).

The Congressional Budget Office says the latest repeal-only bill will cause 32 million people to lose health insurance - much better than the measly 22 million with that repeal-an-replace nonsense. Next week Mitch McConnell will introduce the Battering Insurance Today Eventually Means Excellence (BITE ME) bill, commonly referred to as Repeal-and-Go-Fuck-Yourself. Once again Der Furor is promising the moon. “As I have always said, let Obamacare fail and then come together and do a great healthcare plan. Stay tuned!” Or is he just promising to moon us? All pretty much the same with old Chrumpo.

Sorry Harpo, I had to do it. He stole your face.
Now, if we could just get him to stop talking.

I. Mangrey reporting. When can we finally let lying Chrumps sleep?

Like Father, Like Scum

President Covfefe & Son, Inc.*

July 17, 2017

Job One for the Chrump family is grabbing us by the money. They care for nothing but their bottom line. Not the Mexican wall. Not healthcare for everyone (or anyone for that matter). Not many terrific jobs, not for coal miners or anyone else. And obviously not making America great again. Ninety-nine percent of Donald’s name brand garbage is made in China or Taiwan or Bangladesh or Honduras or Vietnam or Indonesia or, wait for it…Mexico. But mostly China. His “natural spring water” is made in America; that is about it.** Personal wealth über alles. This is critical since Donald Chrump’s finances are just like his “hair”. He must have heard the Will Rogers’ quote, “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” Chrump folds his money over and over and over, but rather than putting it back in his pocket, he flashes it everywhere he goes. He hopes to present the appearance of having more than he has, lest his fiscal comb-over be exposed, and those Chrump has bilked and those he is planning to bilk in the future, learn that he is not worth what he pretends. Chrump may have wanted to be president, but he never wanted to do president. Mostly he wanted to run for president to enhance his brand. This is why Chrump and family are desperate to stay in Moscow’s good graces.

Like Father, Like Scum

I assume you have had the discomfiting experience of seeing and/or hearing Donald Chrump, Jr. particularly since the recent disclosure and subsequent multiple choice of explanations/excuses for fondling various Russian agents in order to defeat Hillary Clinton and bolster his family’s financial profile. He is his father’s son, though they were estranged for many of the younger thug’s formative years. Junior has without a doubt made up for lost time since becoming his father’s business lackey partner. He has his father’s ignorance, arrogance and bloated ego. Father and son are both fact-free, thought-free, and intelligent-look-free.

Senior Donald almost has thought, goes into shock

Junior Donald dreaming about having a brain

Many of you are by now aware of Junior Donald’s very secret, immediately forgotten meeting with Prince Jared, human landfill, and then-campaign manager Paul Manafort and a Russian lawyer…and a Russian dipshit publicist…and a member of a wealthy Azerbaijani family with close ties to Chrump and his alleged money. And then, after Junior was so incredibly transparent (once the New York Times exposed his apparent treason) with Sean Hannity, and so greatly remembering of the tremendously unmemorable meeting, we learned that there was another Russian – one with ties to Russian intelligence – at this meeting that we are told barely even happened. The impetus for the meeting was the promise of “some official documents and information that would incriminate Hillary and her dealings with Russia and would be very useful to your father. This is obviously very high level and sensitive information but is part of Russia and its government’s support for Mr. Trump…”

Minutes before the New York Times was set to publish a long-in-the-works expose of this cabal of collusion, Junior Donald tweeted the incredibly damning email chain leading up to the meeting. Then he lied about every possible detail and held to each lie until further reporting necessitated a better lie.



New details about the meeting continue to emerge. I predict that within the week we will learn that the meeting was not in fact held in Chrump Tower, but rather took place in a sports stadium with over one thousand Russian businessmen, political operatives and intelligence agents. Junior will claim that he was unable to remember any of this because his memory was wiped clean, as it often is, after an incredibly amazing and beautiful bowel movement in the Oval Office.

Junior Donald meets with Russian supporters
 

Cloudy With Chance of Dropping Shoes

Meanwhile, Prince Jared’s top lawyer has decided to spend more time with her family and will no longer be representing the slimy little weasel.

* Incarcerated
** Princess Ivanka’s clothing line is made in China, Indonesia, Vietnam, India, Bangladesh and Ethiopia. Not America.

I. Mangrey reporting.                                                                        

                                                                                                  

King of the Hole (Guess Which One)

When Donny Met Vladdy

Hamburg, Germany

July 10, 2017

Too much winning. We are not worthy…well, maybe a little.

The super-secret genius plan to defeat ISIS. Better, cheaper “insurance for everybody”, to repeal and replace – simultaneously no less – Obamacare, on day one. Chrump knows more than all the generals, the intelligence community, the doctors, lawyers, politicians – everyone except Vladimir Putin, who seems to be the only man on Earth Chrump has not insulted or tried to bully. After his first in-person meeting – though Chrump claimed to have met him previously, though Chrump also claimed that they had never actually met. It is as though the Tasmanian Devil is whirling around inside his empty “hair” holder throwing off random words and thoughts, any one of which, at any moment, happens to emerge from either his face sphincter or his tiny little Twitter thumbs.

Chrump has been enamored of Putin since oozing into the presidential race, if not before. Chrump’s man-crush may date back to when American banks refused to loan money to the egomaniacal con man and self-described “king of bankruptcy”, causing Chrump to put himself in debt up to his surgically installed “hairline” with – among who-knows-who-else – the Russians. And when you deal with most Russians, you are dealing with Putin. I assume Chrump does not want to slight the hand that owns him. The only time you see Hair Chrump smile, other than when he is at his continuing campaign rallies, is when he is in the presence of Russians.

That is one of the smallest hands I’ve ever seen. Do you even have a penis?

 

After their two-and-a-half-hour meeting the hairspray addled Chrump decided to accept Putin’s denial of escalating cyber warfare during the 2016 election, once and for all. Who cares that the US intelligence community unanimously insists that Putin, and Putin alone, was responsible for the cyber shenanigans leading to Chrump’s victory? That is the same kind of crap as believing 97 percent of all the world’s climate scientists (and Stephen Hawking, who worries that Chrump might crank global climate change up to 11), who are certain that man’s contribution to the rapidly warming Earth. Chrump would never fall for a stunt like that. At least Chrump did not say he looked into Putin's eyes and saw his soul, like George W did, but Chrump probably has no idea what a soul is.

And since Der Furor was satisfied that his idol was clean, he came up with another brilliant, beautiful, best idea ever (which he immediately disavowed after everyone except Putin ridiculed him). Chrump decided (or maybe Putin made him think he decided) that teaming up with our most dangerous nemesis on the planet to increase cyber security would be amazing. Who better to protect America’s interests than Vladimir Putin? Couldn’t be any worse than Chrump. I’m sure Chrump knows more about computers and the cyber than anyone, so not only will he make sure Putin does not try anything funny, but he will give us something terrific, very quickly, and at half the cost.

This really happened. Really.

 

As damning evidence of cooperation between the Chrump campaign and Russia piles up* week after week, day after day, hour by hour, the head of the Chrump Crime Family continues to deny that there was any collusion, that the sky is blue or that his “hair” is Crayola orange. He says, “It is time to move forward in working constructively with Russia.” It seems exceedingly likely that the Chrump Crime Family has been working constructively with Russia for quite some time. After all, he is president and you’re not.

At least Chrump is not working with ISIS (of whom Chrump said “good fighters, good fighters, ISIS – smart, good”)…although, could that explain why he still has not disclosed his beautiful plan to defeat ISIS very quickly? In May 2015, the soon-to-be most disgraceful presidential candidate in U.S. history insisted, "I do know what to do, and I would know how to bring ISIS to the table or, beyond that, defeat ISIS very quickly. And I’m not gonna tell you what it is tonight." Chrump added, "All I can tell you is it is a foolproof way of winning." The only foolproof way of winning anything that we have seen so far has been conspiring with the Russians to defeat Hillary Clinton.

_________________
*As you may already know, Don, Jr. is at this moment on the hottest seat. I will have to let this latest (as of July 11, 2017, 5:00 PM EST) bombshell settle in for now. I just cannot keep up with all the excitement. With any luck, the entire Chrump Crime Family and their fellow travelers will be in jail before I get around to giving this the old Paying Attention treatment you all have come to know and love and/or ignore.

In Other News of Remote Controlled Insects…

Researchers report the first successful tests of a cyborg dragonfly that could be used for spying operations. A small solar-powered backpack can be used to control the creature remotely. There are now some number of genetically engineered dragonflies, with an added gene that allows humans to control their nervous system with pulses of light. Previous attempts to control insects resulted in clumsy, artificial movements. This new approach is able to use the insect's natural, efficient movements.

A bug in the system

According to researchers, these insects could be used for surveillance missions in areas that traditional drones couldn't reach and could even let humans guide pollination of plants. You know, because humans care so much about plants. My money is on the spying applications. Maybe this is how the Russians are controlling the entire Chrump Crime Family and their fellow travelers who cannot remember their countless meetings with Russian operatives. Dosvedanya Donny.

I. Mangrey reporting. Winning, head spinning, just beginning, brain thinning.
                                                            

                                                                                                                   

Real News of The Fake Reality

We Are Completely Faked

July 3, 2017

On Fourth of July Eve many people recall the historic fight for independence in 1776. When some truly brilliant and determined men tried to make America great for the first time. With a dream of liberté, égalité, fraternité…oh wait, that was the French. But, you know what I mean. They wanted to better the lot of their fellow white men, and eventually perhaps black men, and women, and maybe even black women – but definitely not Indians. They gave up everything they had to bring a new kind of freedom to a new nation. Freedom from the Crown. Freedom from theocracy or any form of religious domination. Freedom of speech. Freedom of the Press. The men (and women) who birthed this great experiment were not perfect. They were human beings. The Founders tried hard to overcome so much of human nature and lay the foundation for something they hoped would be so much greater than the sum of its parts. They would have surely walked away in shame and handed the keys back to the British if they could have foreseen what we have become in 2017. The country is divided under the tweet-happy thumb of a president who garnered three and a half million fewer votes than the opponent he “defeated”. George Orwell’s 1984 seems almost quaint when confronted with all the shrieking about “fake news” and “alternative facts” killer “healthcare legislation” and all that goes with them. Fortunately for the Founders, and now for us, the average human lifespan is nowhere near 241 years.

The fake reality TV star/fake billionaire with the artificial skin coloring and faux hair, who puts his ugly puss on fake TIME magazine covers in his resorts, and who became a fake president by winning the fake Electoral College vote and then made his slimy, incompetent son-in-law the fake-proxy president, continues to whine about all the fake news. Fake news, of course, is any story, reporter, outlet who spends any time on anything other than blindly worshiping Der Furor. The only thing about Chrump that is real is the self-aggrandizing insanity that infuses his every waking moment. This is all so very faked up.

He is very impressed with himself. SAD!

Harrumph.

Chrump recently addressed an adoring crowd, the sort who applaud every word, belch or fart that comes out of his mouth, or out of his wherever. They will applaud without caring what if anything he might mean, or if they (or he for that matter) agreed the day before with what he just said. This day’s fare included, “The fake media is trying to silence us, but we will not let them. The people know the truth. The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House, but I’m president and they’re not.” Yes, President Asshole, we all know that and we are all wishing we were deaf, blind and dead because of it. Go fake yourself.

Secret Service allows another dangerous intruder onto White House grounds

The Lyingest Liar

Besides being the poster-boy for invoking the 25^th Amendment , though I would greatly prefer seeing him properly impeached and convicted, Donald Chrump is a professional/pathological liar. He is anti-democratic, anti-free speech, anti-reality. He has spent his life creating his own reality. He used a fake name, pretending to be a publicist, in order to plant stories (often fake stories) in the tabloids – the legitimate fake media (pardon my oxymoron). Chrump hired people to do work for him and once the work was completed, refused to honor his contracts, deciding unilaterally to withhold payment. Nobody knows more about settling out of court than Donald Chrump. And still his businesses declared bankruptcy repeatedly, absolving him from paying even more people. Chrump was so financially toxic that the only place he was able to get money over the past decade or so, was Russia. There is no lie too large or too small for Chrump. He has never met a lie he wouldn’t tell.

News of The Fake

The New York Times recently published a full-page dedicated to delineating Chrump’s lies (though they spelled his name wrong). I did not read the list so I do not know if it is exhaustive or just covers the important ones. And only five lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng months into his never-to-be-completed first term.

I know, who cares what the rest of the world thinks?

You are not alone.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

According to a Detox.net poll, over 73 percent of Democrats and 17 percent of Republicans would give up alcohol forever if it meant Chrump would be impeached tomorrow. What the poll did not mention was this fact* – 80 percent of those surveyed started drinking around 10:00 pm on November 8, 2016 and have been drinking increasing amounts ever since.

*that I just made up

The only thing with a lower approval rating than Chrump is Chrumpcare. While Chrump still enjoys a 36 percent approval rating, Chrumpcare clocks in at a high of 27 (Fux News) and a low of 12 percent (USA Today).

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

I. Mangrey reporting.

Perry Coma

It’s Not What It Looks Like…It Is So Much Worse

June 30, 2017

Energy (Gulp!) Secretary, and idiot savant sans any hint of savant, Rick Perry, who neither knew nor cared what might be the purpose of the Department of Energy, which he wanted to get rid of, has done gone and opened up his Texass-sized pie hole again. Perry continues his battle to demonstrate beyond a reasonable doubt just what a world-class ignoramus and corporate whore he is. I know there is stiff competition over yonder in that there White House these days, what with Ben Carson – who only used his brain while in the operating room, amnesiacs like Jeff Sessions and Jared Kushner, who never met a Russian they could remember, and the head of the Environmental Protection Agency – Scott Pruitt, who took the mental out of environmental – who thinks his job is to protect corporations from the environment. Pruitt is a rabid climate science denier who spent years suing the agency he now “leads”. And they are just the tip of the crazy berg. Of course, their boss is less stable, less tethered to reality and more sociopathic than all of them combined. That will not stop them from reaching for all the marbles that they have obviously lost. This tumor-infested fish clearly rots from its orange-tinted head down. But, Rick Perry is, and always has been, a special kind of looney bird. Perry managed to break the record-breaking record for governors overseeing executions. Think Charles Manson meets Mr. Rogers.

Last week, Mr. Oops, who could not remember all three government agencies he wanted to kill off, chimed in on climate change last week. Perry was asked if he believed that carbon dioxide was the “primary control knob” for rising temperatures, more violent storms and the rapidly accelerating brain-death of the government of the United States. Instead, Perry said, "No, most likely the primary control knob is the ocean waters and this environment that we live in." I can feel my IQ diminishing just from reading this actual (I swear) quote. I am not sure how much more of this I can take.

A Hint of How Much More of This I Might Have to Take

But wait, there’s more. Though Perry’s mouth is fine with saying, “The climate is changing, man is having an impact on it. I’ve said that time after time,” he is still clearly suffering from the excessive heat that has the blood going to whatever resides above his neck moving slower than molasses on Mars, causing him to add, “Let’s come out of the shadows of hiding behind your political statements and let’s talk about it. What’s wrong with that? And I’m full well, I can be convinced, but why not let’s talk about it.” Yes, why not let’s talk about having a conversation about talking about it for a few more years, because clearly 97 percent of climate scientists cannot know as much as the voices in Rick’s skull. But, by all means let us talk about it. I’m all ears. And he’s all mouth. I only wish I had a foot and he had an ass.

Remember, Cowboy Rick is kind of in charge of the Nukes

 

I. Mangrey reporting. Remember, if you don’t get pissed off, you will get pissed on.