Chrump Golfs While Puerto Rico Drowns

President Plays With Little White Balls, While Stomping on Brown Ones

September 30, 2017

Our so-called president has done George W. “Heck of a job Brownie” Bush’s performance in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina one better. Maybe two or three better. Rather than preparing for category five hurricane Maria, which followed historically massive hurricane Irma, and which everyone saw coming for over a week, Chrump went golfing. He then bitched about Puerto Rico’s debt as an excuse for his deplorable inaction. “Texas & Florida are doing great but Puerto Rico, which was already suffering from broken infrastructure & massive debt, is in deep trouble. Much of the Island was destroyed, with billions of dollars owed to Wall Street and the banks which, sadly, must be dealt with.”

Heck of a job Chrumpie

 

So, it is too soon to talk about climate change, but just the right time to talk about money. As long as is not the money he is sucking out of the treasury for his weekly golf outings. Much of that money goes into Chrumpcorp – he charges the Secret Service for golf cart rentals while they protect his torso.

Der Furor also blamed the ocean. “This is an island…surrounded by…water. Big water. Ocean water.” Chrump previously explained that it not merely ocean water, "This is an island, sitting in the middle of the ocean. It’s a big ocean, it’s a very big ocean.” Not like those other islands that are not surrounded by water. Big water. Not like those other, small oceans. Then he played some more golf – at considerable expense to American taxpayers.

What blame game would be complete without Chrump blaming the victims? At dawn's early light today, Chrump tweeted, “...Such poor leadership ability by the Mayor of San Juan, and others in Puerto Rico, who are not able to get their workers to help. They want everything to be done for them when it should be a community effort.” Hey, at least he managed not to call them criminals and rapists. Yet. 
Three-star General Jeff Buchanan, who was put in charge of coordinating the military relief effort in Puerto Rico eight days after the fact, said he did not have enough troops or vehicles.
 

Meanwhile, Hair Chrump was telling everyone that he was doing a heck of a job. “We’re doing a very good job. Everybody has said it’s amazing the job we’ve done in Puerto Rico.” Trump also made clear how “nicely” Puerto Rico’s governor Alejandro García Padilla has treated him. “We have had tremendous reviews from government officials”, adding for good measure (very good measure; very good, believe me), “Everybody has said it’s amazing the job we are doing there.” Everybody it seems except the mayor of San Juan and the people of Puerto Rico.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Drain The Chrump

Chrump: The American’t Presidon’t

Emergency Room

September 29, 2017

Do not let the anthropomorphic façade fool you. Be not taken in by the word-like sounds excreted from beneath the coif-esque mass (could have swore his “hair” was made of rayon) designed to distract from the toxic stench and soul-sucking antics. Donald Chrump is a giant puss-wart – basically, a virus. Many people insist he is an entire, actual human being. There is no conclusive proof of this. I understand that no one has ever seen a virus wreak the kinds of havoc that the increasingly pesky Chrumpovirus has, and continues to do. But, the times in which we find ourselves are not like anything we have seen before. Modern medicine is struggling to gain a foothold. The pharmaceutical industry, as usual, is waiting to crunch the profit margin numbers before leaping into action.

Those who still believe in science know that we must understand the genetic make-up of a virus before we can develop (and then grossly overcharge for) an antigen specific to that virus. While much is already known about the Chrumpovirus, the devil is in the details and complete and total eradication still eludes us.

Why does Chrump refuse to disclose his genome sequence? What is he hiding? Why isn’t he hiding? Why is he permitted to interact with the general public? Why is he always on my television? How does a virus get its foot into its mouth? Chrumpovirus is a nasty infection of mind, body and soul. Very nasty. That I can tell you.

Viruses cannot survive on their own. (Think: You didn’t build that.) They need a host organism from which they suck the very life. Viruses attack the host and take over its machinery to carry out their own life processes. An infected cell will produce viral particles instead of its usual products. Sound familiar? Chrumpovirus can only continue to thrive by sucking the life-force out of those around it. It cannot last a single day without ingesting vast quantities of adulation from weakened organisms. No one could have predicted that there were so many of these willing hosts. As the Chrumpovirus began to spread, more and more unwitting (unwitted?) hosts crawled out from beneath whatever is beneath the rocks that proverbial nasty things crawl out from under. Now we are inundated with what the politician formerly known as Hillary Clinton called “deplorables”. These are the most fruitful hosts for Chrumpovirus and are quickly becoming less and less capable of independent, meaningful thought. This only serves to make Chrumpovirus more virulent.

If you think this is disgusting, take a look at this…

A face even a mother could punch.

Do not kid yourself, the Chrump virus could well prove terminal, but there is still a slim chance of survival. The time for inoculation has passed for many of us. My money is on being properly medicated. Massive doses of anti-moronics are called for. As we wait for potent meds to become available, it might be best to rely on traditional home remedies to at least take the edge off.

I. Mangrey reporting. One knee down, one finger up.                              

                                                                                                

White Makes Right

Chrump v. First Amendment

September 26, 2017

In between ignoring the hurricane-ravaged disaster that is Puerto Rico, disregarding what is happening with the Republican’ts’ eight-years-long healthcare-sabotage debacle, turning a blind eye to Russia’s hacking of our elections past and future, and trying his best to instigate nuclear war with North Korea, Der Furor has recently been spending most of his abundant free time attacking African American athletes for peacefully protesting the increasing racial injustice in America. Chrump, an unabashed – and now incontrovertibly exposed – racist who thinks Nazi and white supremacist sympathizers are “very fine people”, said of people who are bringing much needed attention to the consequence-free murder of young black men by police all across the country, “Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out! He’s fired. He’s fired!’”

I got your National Anthem right here

 

At this point, anyone who still supports this Disaster-in-chief must be viewed either as a racist or an enabler. Forget healthcare, forget nuclear combat toe-to-toe with the North Koreans, forget the budget, the deficit, jobs, infrastructure and all the rest. Get this racist rat f&^ker out before it is too late. Obviously, Chrump is not alone, but many people are saying that not having a sociopathic racist in the White House is a good idea.

During his continuing onslaught against African Americans standing up for themselves, Chrump insisted, “This has nothing to do with race. I’ve never said anything about race. This has nothing to do with race or anything else…” Thank goodness he cleared that up. I was convinced he was a racist.*

Would you not love to see Robert Mueller, when some moron living in the White House disrespects our flag, our Constitution and our very democracy – not to mention global thermonuclear war and the destruction of our planet by exacerbating climate change – say, ‘Get that son of a bitch out of our House right now. Out. He’s fired. He’s fired!’

Puerto Rico: The Other Brown People

Chrump had avoided Puerto Rico (and the US Virgin Islands) until finally excreting a few tweets of someone else’s thoughts this morning. Think of this as a teleprompter for the toilet. Our sources inside the White House (or possibly inside my head) say that Chrump has refused to visit or even think about Puerto Rico because, “they have about three and a half million Americans there and that is exactly how many illegals voted for Crooked Hillary. Coincidence? We’ll probably never know, but I’m not going down there just in case those are the same people who disrespected me and the flag by voting for Hillary.”

They’ve Got Mail

Finally some good news. At last, our long national nightmare is over. The Chrump era is finally ending. I assume Chrump and his family will be stepping aside before they are all indicted, impeached and exiled to Elba. Surely, the humiliation of such flagrant hypocrisy will be more than even the Chrump family can bear. It has been reported that Jared and Ivanka are both guilty, guilty, guilty. Guilty, I say, of using…I cannot believe such a thing is even possible…personal email for government business. Kushner’s lawyer confirmed this unforgiveable transgression. Did someone say, “Lock him up?”

Hillary Clinton’s email non-scandal got more coverage than Watergate, and was ultimately used by then-FBI director James Comey to sabotage her presidential campaign 10 days before the election. Donald Chrump and all of his minions beat this dead horse right past the finish line – and beyond. There has been no confirmation that either Jared or Ivanka has been sexting with now-convicted Anthony Weiner. These accusations are completely unproven, if not in fact unmade, at this point. However, this should in no way dissuade anyone from spreading such pernicious, baseless rumors. It is, after all, the American way.

In some ways having the Chrumps just pack up their things and walk away like this is sad news. I was looking forward to watching all of them squirm during testimony as their inquisitors confront them with all the lies, crimes and profiteering and proof thereof in full view of the American public.

________________________________
*I still am.

I. Mangrey reporting…on one knee.                                                               

                                                                              

Lather, Rant, Repeat

But Wait…There’s Moore

September 23, 2017

Senate Republican’ts, bent on simultaneously subverting democracy and healthcare, are taking one more stab at murdering Obamacare. If they cannot commit this murder (and by extension, the murder of thousands of Americans) by the end of this month, they will be subjected to their own despicable, anti-democratic standard of needing 60 votes to pass anything. Republican’ts admit they do not know what will happen if the current bill passes, but that is not their concern; they just want to pass something. Anything. Especially something that takes money from the poor, so they can give it to the rich. It seems they are down to their last two chances – slim and none. However, if Obamacare is repealed then Chrump will be forced to step down since he is a pre-existing condition.

In his spare time, America’s festering puss wart-in-chief is currently engaged in a battle of half-wits with the man he now calls “Little Rocket Man” – Kim Jong-un. See what Chrump did there? He added a ‘little’ in front of ‘Rocket Man’ to make it even more insulting. How does he come up with this stuff? And so quickly. He is getting to be such a big boy.

 

Kim Jong-un, for his part is holding his own, calling his dance-of-death partner a “dotard”, adding, “Far from making remarks of any persuasive power that can be viewed to be helpful to defusing tension, he made unprecedented rude nonsense one has never heard from any of his predecessors. A frightened dog barks louder.” Downright poetic.

One cannot but admit that Kim, for all his almost countless faults, shows considerably more class and style than Chrump. The full ‘dotard’ quote was, “His remarks…have convinced me, rather than frightening or stopping me, that the path I chose is correct and that it is the one I have to follow to the last. …I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire.” And let’s be honest, as absurd as it may be, Kim’s hair makes much more sense than that substance atop the Orange Gas Cloud.

Break Out the Anti-Moronics

Speaking of dangerous, contagious diseases, despite all attempts at treatment, Sarah Palin has resurfaced to support a senate candidate against whom her ex-BFF Chrump is campaigning. Strangely, Chrump is siding with the lesser of two racists. The seat in question is that previously held by Jefferson Robert E. Lee Stonewall Calhoun Beauregard Sessions. Palin is palling around with Chrump’s Nazi ex-advisor Sebastian Gorka and white supremacist extraordinaire Steve Bannon, to back Roy Moore.

Moore, an unrepentant ‘birther’, was elected Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court in 2001. The Alabama Court of the Judiciary removed him from office in November 2003 for refusing to remove a monument of the Ten Commandments from in front of his courthouse. I mean, why all the fuss? People are so obsessed with the Constitution. I just do not get it. Separation of Church and State? What loser came up with that? Thomas Jefferson? Who died and made him founding father? The guy did his own edit of the Bible and was not even a religious fanatic.

Moore then ran for governor of Alabama and got crushed in the primary. The consistent, if not too bright people of Alabama again elected Moore Chief Justice in 2013, but he was suspended in May 2016, for directing probate judges to ignore the Supreme Court’s decision legalizing same-sex marriage. Now Moore is leading the Republican’t primary race on the eve of Tuesday’s vote.

I. Mangrey reporting. In The Year Of Our Lord Clearly Giving Up And Leaving.

Chrump v. United Nations

World War Chrump

United Nations Headquarters, NYC
September 19, 2017

I understand that Robert Mueller wants to do a thorough job investigating Russia’s hacking of our election. Many people want to know exactly how much the Chrump campaign worked with a foreign adversary to steal the presidency. After all, it seems likely Russia was instrumental (along with James Comey, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and Hillary Clinton herself) in putting Don Chrump in the White House. It has been reported that Mueller is “going for the kill” as he investigates Chrump, Kushner, Flynn, Son of Flynn, Chrump, Jr., Manafort, Pence, Preibus, and who-knows-who-else. I wish he would hurry up already. America, and I daresay the world, cannot take much more of the Orange Gas Cloud.

Unfortunately for the United Nations, this week saw Hair Chrump’s first in-person assault on the international body. Now, the U.N. is far from perfect, but even the U.N. does not deserve to be in the presence of Chrump. Chrump’s first words to the U.N. General Assembly were simply and unsurprisingly shameless, pathetic self-promotion, “I actually saw great potential right across the street, to be honest with you, and it was only for the reason that the United Nations was here that that turned out to be such a successful project.” One reason it is so successful, is all the Russians who own condos in that building right across the street from the U.N. Once Chrump finished promoting his successful hotel, it was off to the races.

 
UN expected to undergo Fukushima-like clean-up
after contamination by Orange Gas Cloud

On day two of Chrump’s contamination of the U.N., he decided that acting like an idiot on Twitter was not good enough, repeating his sorry insult of his North Korean counterpart, calling Kim Jong Un “rocket man”. Then, following in the footsteps of luminaries like Nikita Khrushchev, Fidel Castro, Muammar Gaddafi, Yasser Arafat and Hugo Chavez, the Orange Gas Cloud regaled the U.N. with the sequel to his American Carnage inauguration speech. Fortunately, the American “president” did not bang his shoe on the podium.

Chrump threatened North Korea, calling the country “depraved,” adding that if the United States was forced to defend itself and its allies, “we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea. Rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime”. Did I mention that just days earlier China has suggested that Chrump should STFU about North Korea? For some reason China finds Der Furor’s verbal assaults on their nervous neighbor to be less than helpful in defusing an already decades-long tense situation.

Chrump then went after Venezuela. It was obvious that he could not wait to get out what he seemed certain would be his big applause line of the day. However, when he said, "The problem in Venezuela is not that socialism has been poorly implemented, but that socialism has been faithfully implemented." What followed was like the silence that must have followed the Gettysburg Address. This was quickly replaced by audible groaning from much of the audience, many of whom were…what’s the word I’m looking for…oh yes, socialists – as are most Americans, whether they know it or not. Chrumpy the Clown, not to be denied, waited and waited and waited until at least a smattering of, we’ll call it ‘polite’, applause struggled mightily to make itself heard above the dropping pins.

Chrump Chief-of-staff John Kelly enjoying his boss’s U.N. address

The Chrump Glower also landed with a dangerous thud on Cuba and Iran. He threatened both of these countries as well, particularly any lessening of tensions instituted by the Obama administration.

So, for those of you keeping score at home, you probably should stop keeping score. Your time would be better spent building a bomb shelter, drinking heavily, and/or making friends with someone in a Scandinavian (socialist) country that might be willing to shelter you for an undetermined length of time. Canada is simply too close to be a safe option.

Now we learn that Chrump’s old campaign manager and continued confidante, Paul Manafort appears to be on the brink of indictment. As the Chrump house of Russian nesting dolls is exposed down to the last tiny little doll, he surely will stop at nothing in order to distract our attention from his own imminent legal jeopardy and inevitable impeachment. And he will not go down without taking as many of us as he can with him. Chrump is nothing if not vindictive.

I. Mangrey reporting. Duck and cover.                                                               

                                                                            

Cloudy With a Chance of Death

Not Holding My Breath

September 7, 2017

                       “He’s an asshole, but he’s our asshole.”
Republican’t Congressman, Duncan Hunter (R-CA and currently under FBI investigation for ethics violations and quite the asshole himself), on Donald Chrump

In a desperate attempt to distract everyone from Global Depression Chrump, Hurricane Irma - the most powerful storm ever recorded (which Chrump will eventually take credit for) is rushing across the Caribbean on its way to vacation at Moron Lago before the Summer of Chrump comes to a Hindenburg-like end. I thought I would welcome any distraction, but this is not quite what I had in mind. And there are more of these following close behind. The good news is that climate change is still a hoax.  

I really am trying to calm down and take deep breaths. The problem is, every time I breathe in I get a face full of world-class stupid. I hold my breath for a while, hoping it will pass. I look both ways before getting cross, and with great trepidation, I attempt another breath. But, alas. The air remains thick with the stench of something I still cannot comprehend. I start wheezing and next thing I know, I am crawling around wondering how I ended up on the floor. And all around me is an Orange Gas Cloud. Try as I might, it is impossible to ignore. Maybe all this breathing is not such a good idea.

Worst fart in the history of the world.

 

The very silly man who looked right at the total eclipse of the Sun, while all around him knew better and tried to share this knowledge with El Dummo, has now figured out that hurricanes can cause problems. During a recent attempt at communicating with the public Chrump said, “There’s a new and seems to be record-breaking hurricane heading right toward Florida and Puerto Rico and other places. We’ll see what happens. We’ll know in a very short period of time, but it looks like it could be something that will be not good. Believe me, not good.” Is there no one who can sew his face sphincter shut? He should at the very least stop getting talkin’-in-public lessons from Sarah Palin.

Chrump also admitted that he had “no second thoughts” about destroying DACA and the lives of an as-yet-undetermined number of innocent people. The question on the minds of many is whether he had any first thoughts. If he did, they were likely about grabbing women’s private parts or dating his daughter.

The Art of The Dumbass

Speaking of no second thoughts, Der Furor sat down with Republican’t and Democratic leaders to discuss money for Hurricane Harvey relief and the looming debt ceiling crisis. Schumer and Pelosi made what they thought would be a very clever opening offer, one that surely would be nothing more than a starting point for negotiating what they really hoped to get – you know, the art of the deal. What “Chuck and Nancy” – as Chrump would soon refer to them – never saw coming, what their Republican’t counterparts would not have ever imagined in their wildest nightmares, was exactly what happened next.

After Chuck and Nancy made what they hoped would be a very clever opening gambit, the self-described greatest deal maker in the history of deal making swallowed the bait so hard that the damn hook went into his face sphincter, all the way through all the convoluted tubing, and stuck in the chair groaning and pleading for mercy beneath the weight of Chrump’s bounteous behind. Pence, Mnuchin,McConnell and Ryan probably soiled themselves watching this unfold right in front of them. Reports from several observers at the meeting say that all the Republican’ts turned even whiter, except for Mike Pence who became translucent.

Perhaps the best part was when, before the meeting, but after Schumer and Pelosi made their “plan” public, Speaker Ryan – who would be present at the meeting – said of the idea, “ I think that’s a ridiculous idea, I hope that they don’t mean that.” Then he blathered on about how evil Dems were for playing politics with the debt ceiling and disaster relief – all of which was fine when Ryan and Repubs were doing it not so long ago. In fact, no one had ever thought of playing politics with the debt ceiling before McConnell, Ryan, et al. Ryan then added, “I think it’s ridiculous and disgraceful.”

Meanwhile, my fake Twitter account has finally paid off. My message must have gotten through to someone. Full disclosure, before the big meeting I may have had a few, if not a few too many. Oh, okay, more than a few too many. For now, as I work to recall exactly what transpired, I will just share my selfies with none other than the very hot mess currently living in the White House…

I’m pretty sure this is the guy running everything – HR Grabbinstuff.

 

And that is definitely not a bong in my hand. Believe me.

 

I. Mangrey reporting.

Chrump's Wall of Hate

Children Have the Darndest Things Done To Them

September 5, 2017

The soulless ringworm known as Donald Chrump can proudly add ‘gutless’ to his horrific resume today. The Orange Gas Cloud sent his racially-challenged Confederate Attorney General to face the public with news of beginning the process of deporting so-called DREAMers. Chrump wanted to use the appropriate tool to announce his latest vengeful attack on the legacy of his predecessor’s positive legislative accomplishments.

Chrump decided the appropriate tool was Jefferson Robert E. Lee Stonewall Calhoun Beauregard Sessions. The frighteningly white Sessions was practically giddy as he called Obama’s implementation of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) “unconstitutional.” Whereas this new edict is merely unconscionable.

Sessions could not have been happier, unless he had been there to announce the rescinding of the vote for African Americans. I have not seen Sessions so happy except perhaps when he was watching the Nazis and Confederate obsessionists wielding torches in Charlottesville, Virginia. The diminutive (intellectually, not physically) Sessions referred to those brought, as small children, into this country without proper documentation as “illegal aliens.”

The so-called DREAMers are those brought here before the age of 16 who have been living in the United States since June of 2007. Seventy-five percent of those DREAMers are very productive members of society. Can we even say the same for those who prefer to think of themselves as the “real” Americans? As it turns out, the immigrant male rate of incarceration is half of that of native-born males. Apparently, many of them are good people, and not as Chrump insisted “criminals and rapists.” Imagine that.

Many DREAMers have contributed as much, if not more, than many of the very white “legal” aliens who claim to be the true inhabitants of a land that their forefathers stole by committing genocide on the original inhabitants and then built up on the backs of slaves kidnapped (to put it more politely than is appropriate) from their homelands. Or as Ben Carson so pathetically called them – “involuntary immigrants.” And Ben Carson claims to be black.

It is believed that Chrump could not make the announcement himself as he was being treated for severe shoulder injuries resulting from excessive patting himself on the back for putting a few empty boxes into the back of a pick-up and spending several faux heart wrenching minutes doing photo-ops in Houston under the pretense of caring for those suffering. Chrump proclaimed that he witnessed much “happiness” in the shelters housing countless Texans driven from their homes – for an as yet to be determined period of time – by Hurricane Harvey. He bade those on their way to actually help people, “Have a good time.” The fate of these people and families is now in the hands of Hurricane Donald and his Republican’t enablers, who presently seem incapable of getting anything done. Chrump, for his part, has also pretended to donate $1M (whose, we do not yet know).

Chrump, after his demented garden gnome made the announcement said, "I have a great heart for those folks we’re talking about…" That is, for all the DREAMers (most of whom probably speak better English than Chrump) he just told to take a hike back to wherever it was their parents brought them from when they were too young to know what was going on or to have any say in the matter. You know the old saying, "You always deport the ones you love."

Democratic Senator Dick Durbin called today's announcement a "disappointment." Durbin said, "The first and only direct conversation I've had with President T*&$p was the day of his inauguration and I thanked him for the kind words about DREAMers and DACA. He looked me in the eye and he said, 'Don't worry about those kids. We're going to take care of those DREAMers." Durbin added, "I trusted the President would do that." Really? Trusted the president? This president? By now, no one should be surprised – and honestly never should have been – that Chrump outright lied to Durbin’s face about how he would treat those kids and their families, who are looking at being ripped apart.

Chrump is proud of himself because he was able to placate the ignorant racist (significant) portion of his base by pretending to end DACA. What he actually did was say – well, actually have Sessions say – that DACA was ending, sort of, in six months. Now the disgraceful, do-nothing Republican’t Congress is supposed to pass legislation, legislation that Barack Obama pleaded for during his time in office. But the Republican’ts refused to do anything that might possibly allow a Democratic president, particularly a black Democratic president to appear to achieve anything. This is why Obama had to ultimately act alone to enact a humane law to protect DREAMers. Republican’ts obstructed every single move Obama made, even when that move was initiated by Republican’ts themselves; once Obama decided to go along with it, they ditched it.

So good luck to all those immigrants here under precarious circumstances, because the Republican’ts will not have your backs. They despise you...unless you are making over $500K a year. Then you might have a chance of them not kicking your less-than-white ass out of this country.

I. Mangrey reporting…despite severe nausea. F*$k Chrump.

                                                                                                                     

A Musical Interlude for Labor Day

A Song For the So-called President

September 1, 2017

All of here at Paying Attention are music lovers and one of our favorites is Mose Allison. Lyricist extraordinaire, here is a quintessential sample, one that could have been written yesterday. Enjoy.

 

And in honor of Labor Day, the incomparable Paul Robeson...

 

 

And the peerless Joan Baez

 

 



Ed Venture

Managing Editor