A Flock of Egos

And Iran, Iran So Far Away

April 24, 2015

Inadvertent and totally un-self-aware gay marriage aficionado and former Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is thrilled and mortified. Now that she is unemployed she can spend even more time off the deep end. To be fair, Bachmann is only one of many who are accusing Barack Obama of siding with Iran instead of America. She recently told a rapt, and itching to be Raptured, radio audience that Barack Obama is not only providing Iran with nuclear weapons, but is bringing the world to end times. Who could ask for moron?

Salvador Dali’s famous “Mouth Agape with Teabag”

Jan Markell's "Understanding the Times" radio show recently hosted Bachmann who said, "We need to cry out to a Holy God. This is coming faster than anyone can see. Barack Obama is intent, it is his number one goal, to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon. Why? Why would you put the nuclear weapon in the hands of madmen who are Islamic radicals?" Horrifying, right?

Wrong. This is awesome news. "We get to be living in the most exciting time in history," she said. Bachmann insisted her fellow Christians "rejoice" because "Jesus Christ is coming back. We, in our lifetimes potentially, could see Jesus Christ returning to Earth, the Rapture of the Church. These are wonderful times." Bachmann made similar remarks on Markell's show the previous week. She is clearly very happy/upset about this. “We have very little time, in my opinion, left before the second return of Christ. That’s good news." About which she is very, very mad...and not just angry.

The world would be much better off if someone like Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Palin or Ted Cruz or Ben Carson or Rand Paul should control the Big One. Right?

St. Ronnie of The Double Cross

Republican’t fairy tale hero Ronald Reagan famously supplied Iran with arms. Reagan administration senior officials ran a super-secret (for a while anyway) doubly-illegal covert operation during Ronnie’s second term. The operation included selling weapons to Iran during an arms embargo in order to obtain the release of several US hostages and use the money to fund the Nicaraguan Contras. Kind of a Rube Goldberg effort at international intrigue. Unfortunately this funding of the Contras by the government had been prohibited by Congress. 

Luckily for Ronnie his people managed to bestow implausible deniability on the by then Alzheimer’s-ridden president. And this is why the Reagan administration boasts the greatest number of convicted felons in American history. Those indicted or convicted (who didn't get off on technicalities or for no good reason) were all ultimately pardoned by George H. W. Bush during the final days of his presidency. Bush of course was Reagan's VP while all this was going on. Just prior to that, Bush was Gerald Ford's head of the CIA. Now that's real American justice.

An Incredible Dick

Not to beat a dead ass who recently graced this space on this very topic (in case you missed it), but let us not forget one Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney, one-time CEO of Halliburton. Mr. Cheney “left” Halliburton to select and then become George W. Bush’s running mate in the lead up to the 2000 Supreme Court appointment of the 43rd president. Cheney & Co. pushed to end sanctions against Iran – the number one state sponsor of terror in the eyes of the United States. In fact, Halliburton opened an office in Tehran in 2000 in order to supply Iran with arms.

Then Cheney started operation Halliburton Freedom in Iraq in 2003, the primary outcome of which (other than a windfall profit for the company still paying Cheney loads of money) was a significant strengthening of Iran’s position in the region. Most thinking people predicted that ousting Saddam Hussein, as evil as he was, would open the door for Iran-backed Shias to take control of Iran’s next door neighbor. Those people were exactly right. Cheney was exactly wrong, assuming he ever cared. I blame Obama.

While we’re on the subject of international men of mystery…

Does anyone else see a pattern here?

I. Mangrey reporting. We cannot have a doomsday gap.
We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when.

All that being said, Paying Attention brings you a Golden Oldie from our very own Ed Venture. Who can forget Iran's previous president Mahmoud Ahmadinejihad? You? My apologies for reminding you, but maybe this will make up for it...

Sam Iran (Ode to Ahmadinejad)

October 23, 2005

The leader of Iran has said

“I want ALL Israeli people dead.”

That’s quite a plan, perhaps instead

A bullet through his little head

That Sam Iran

That Sam Iran

I do not like that Sam Iran

Do you like my new Iran?

I do not like your new Iran.

I do not like your stupid plan

I really hate you Sam Iran

Would you like me here or there?

I would not like you here or there.

I would not like you anywhere.

I do not like your stupid plan.

I do not like you Sam Iran.

I’d like to see you in a house

With your testicles in a mouse.

Or see your head inside a box,

Or perhaps just eaten by a fox.

I'd like to see you squished and squeezed

Or maybe horribly diseased

Yes, in a house, your balls in a mouse

Or head in a box or eaten by a fox

Or squished and squeezed or horribly diseased

I do not like you Sam Iran

I do not like your stupid plan

I hope your God will strike you down

You oafish genocidal clown

Perhaps your words will make you choke

You throwback loser brainless joke

The world will not buy your shit

Not even just one tiny bit

You will not get your stupid way

No matter what dumb things you say

Shut up and never speak again

You're wasting precious oxygen

We do not like you Sam Iran

We do not like your stupid plan

Ed Venture

Don't forget to scroll down - we've been busy

Give Me Christie or Give Me...Just About Anything Else

Jesus H. Christie 

New Jersey

April 16, 2015 

Macy's Parade balloon, governor of New Jersey, and as-of-yet-undeclared-but-dying-to-get-in Republican’t presidential candidate and perennial hard-ass/soft-head blowhard Chris Christie wants keep his options as open as his mouth while he awaits possible indictment over Bridgegate.

Christie Prepares To Inhale Interviewer

His latest great idea for America is gutting Social Security and Medicare. Christie is trying to tell America that only he is willing to tell us the truth about these important issues. Thank god we still have Chris Christie to kick around.

Christie's campaign chances are in as good a shape as he is

Why does Chris Christie make me think of this...

  

I. Mangrey reporting. 

The New Republican't Front-runner

Finally, A Diapered American In The White House

Electionville, The Early Years of the 2016 Campaign

April 14, 2015

There's a new figure poised to throw a hat or a tantrum (or possibly his binky) into the ring. Zeke just might be a sleeper in this race. All of his opponents are focused on running against Hillary Clinton, ignoring not just the American public, but each other and this could open the door for an unknown star to be born. At first I thought this was Marco Rubio, but Zeke is much less petulant. Get ready for Zeke. He's ready to rumble (or maybe have a nap).

More mature than most of his current challengers,
Zeke will be very attractive to the base

If You Can't Beat 'em (And This Guy Can't), Join 'em

Just Walker Away...Slowly

Madison, Wisconsin

April 13, 20215

Koch Brothers' prized possession, and possibly-soon-to-be-indicted Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is just a dim-witted announcement away from tossing his empty hat into the 2016 Republican't presidential primary race. Walker doesn't just hate workers and their unions, he compared union workers to ISIS, while saying that squashing workers' fighting for their rights prepared him to defeat ISIS. He also said that being an Eagle Scout prepares him to be president. If he enters the race, he'll have quite a fight on his hands to determine who hates intelligence, education, science, gays, women, the people who elected him (and especially those who didn't) and the poor more. He'll be facing some stiff competition from Cruz, Paul and now Rubio - the stiffs who have already entered the primary clown car. Just be glad you don't live in Wisconsin. But if you happen to live anywhere in the United States, be afraid. Be very afraid. And probably considerably amused.

Presidential dopeful, Scott Walker poses with his target constituency.

Yours briefly,

I. Mangrey.

News of The Undead

Cheney Watch 2015

April 10, 2015

Because if someone doesn’t keep watch over him, who knows who could be the next one shot in the face and then have to apologize. Do you really think Harry Wittington is the only person Cheney shot in a drunken stupor. Do you really think Dick Cheney has to be drunk to shoot you in the face?

Cheney’s hunting buddy/target Harry Wittington - that's not acne

Even though, as far as we have been told, Cheney hasn’t recently shot anyone he continues to have serious problems with the gaping hole below his nose. In fairness, we cannot simply blame Cheney’s pie hole. There is clearly a poisonous fungus growing in his brain, one which leads poor demented Mr. Cheney to spew noxious filth at every turn. And blame must also go to anyone who puts a microphone anywhere near this sociopath. Here is a recent sample of Cheney’s psychotic treasonous drivel:

“I vacillate between the various theories I’ve heard, but you know, if you had somebody as president who wanted to take America down, who wanted to fundamentally weaken our position in the world and reduce our capacity to influence events, turn our back on our allies and encourage our adversaries, it would look exactly like what Barack Obama’s doing.”

This of course, by most accounts including almost every historian, is an incredibly accurate description of the Bush/Cheney administration. Dick was probably talking into a mirror, but since he casts no reflection it’s hard to for him to tell.

Let’s take this item by item:

- somebody as president who wanted to take America down: How about ignoring all the warnings and allowing the 9/11 attacks on America? Who invaded an uninvolved country (which gave us the historic instability in the Middle East today) while protecting the country that housed and financed the attackers? Did Joe Biden ever out an undercover CIA operative out of revenge for her husband telling the truth about nuclear threats?

- who wanted to fundamentally weaken our position in the world and reduce our capacity to influence events: When was this country ever weaker in the eyes of the world (and over half of its own citizens) than when Cheney and Howdy Doody were in command weakening world stability, the world economy and any trust other countries had in the United States?

- turn our back on our allies and encourage our adversaries: Nobody did this better and more consistently than Bush/Cheney, who legalized torture, wiretapped just about everyone on the planet and helped recruit more terrorists than Osama bin Laden ever could have done on his own.

Cheney’s BFF

Another un-elected president, Gerald Ford flanked by

Chief of Staff Rumsfeld and (left) and his assistant,

Cheney (right) having a good laugh

after pardoning Richard Nixon

We also find our thoughts and stomachs turning to another zombie who can’t keep his maw shut. Let’s take a look back at Donald Rumsfeld’s epic memo to Douglas Feith from 2003. Feith, you will likely not recall, was Rummy’s number three civilian at the Pentagon during Cheney’s War to Free Halliburton in Iraq. Feith was just below Paul Wolfowitz who, among other brilliant assessments of the situation, assured us there was no reason to fear Shiite-Sunni bloodshed after a US invasion; that precise form of bloodshed began long before Cheney’s War, exploded anew the moment we entered Iraq, and shows no signs of anything but escalating. But I digress. According to a Washington Post profile of Feith just before the invasion, he was "disliked by many people who work with him on a daily basis." A March 2003 National Journal article noted that "it is hard to overstate how utterly Feith is reviled in certain circles." In Bob Woodward's Plan of Attack, Gen. Tommy Franks calls Feith "the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth." And this is the guy Rumsfeld turned to when everything started turning to crap in Iraq. Here’s the memo Rumsfeld sent twelve years ago this week:

Memo to "the fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth."

Yes, those were the days. And these guys worry about what Obama is doing to America. What a bunch of…Cheneys.

I. Mangrey reporting. Who’s taking down Cheney?