I Kid You Not. And Then I Kid You.

Don’t Be An April Fool. This Is Not A Joke.

Splitsville
April 1, 2016

From the Editor

Dear Readers,

Do not let the date atop this post fool you. This is a bit more serious than our usual fare here at Paying Attention. As we watch with a mix of horror and delight the psychotic ranting of neo-fascist Donald Chrump and the surprising rise and momentum of democratic socialist Bernie Sanders respectively, a pattern seems to be further solidifying across the American political landscape. Fissures forming. Alliances arising. Conundrums coalescing. With any luck our two-party system is poised to metamorphose after too long a time in stasis.

Mitosis: process in which a cell nucleus splits in two, followed by division of the parent cell into two daughter cells. (After this it is customary for certain religious zealots to protect this “person” right up until the actual moment of birth. Then all bets are off.)

Both major parties are undergoing mitosis. The result is different than the biological event in that instead of just two distinctive offspring, a third entity lingers. The result might be properly depicted as a turd-filled Oreo – with the Tea Party on one side and the Sanders/Occupy Wing on the other. Each ‘cookie’ is, for better or worse, a populist movement – one really is populist and deeply committed to making life better for the many; the other believes it is populist, but on some deep level favors wealth/corporatism and every-man-(literally)-for-himself over the actual plight of people within a society. The festering turd filling consists of the old school Republican conservatives and the conservative Democrats. They are corporate lackeys. Period.

Do Not Eat! The middle is not chocolate cream!

The Tea Party has seen its crescendo; its “best” days are behind it. The Sanders/Occupy Wing is just finding its legs and is probably somewhat bigger than it appears. Some voters and politicians claiming to support The Middle, which despite protests to the contrary is where Hillary Clinton spends most of her time, do so not as much because they oppose Sanders, but because they have succumbed to the notion that only Clinton can win the general election. They may be right. Maybe not.

Either way the future of the rigid two-party system in America is on thin ice. Here’s to political climate change.

Ed Venture
Editor, Paying Attention

Now For The April Fool

Chrump Glower
April Firstier, 2016

The presidential election season is nearing playoff time. The Republican’ts have whittled their frightening field of freakish frauds from a cast of thousands to the Final Three. Two certifiable psychos and a dweeby governor. The Republican’t frontrunner, who has occupied the driver’s seat since he squeezed into the clown car, is scaring the crap out of most of the American electorate as well as the rest of the known world.

Clearly these two have more in common than their micro-penises and bad hair.

Why Does Chrump Hate Our Freedoms

Chrump wants to kneecap the First Amendment because unpleasant things have been said about him. He insists that the United States should ban all Muslims, which is exactly what ISIS wants for recruiting purposes. But do not worry because Chrump is obsessed with torturing people in violation of our laws so he will show them who is boss. I know there is nothing in the Constitution about demeaning women…Chrump just does that out of the goodness of his heart. Absolutely free of charge.

Chrump waxes presidential about the Constitution

The Economist Intelligence Unit is a esteemed world leader in economic analysis and global threat forecasts. The 170 year-old journal’s well-regarded global economic analysts base their forecasts on a variety of factors. They warned that the “negative economic impact of a Trump presidency on the world’s economy would be worse than a monumental rise in global Islamist terrorism.” The good news is that they rated a Chrump presidency as potentially somewhat less catastrophic than a new Cold War. But who cares what a bunch of Brits think anyway. We are Americans; we only care what Americans think.

What Some Americans Think

An open letter to The Chrump signed by 121 members of the Republican national security community ended with this:

“Mr. Trump’s own statements lead us to conclude that as president, he would use the authority of his office to act in ways that make America less safe, and which would diminish our standing in the world. Furthermore, his expansive view of how presidential power should be wielded against his detractors poses a distinct threat to civil liberty in the United States. Therefore, as committed and loyal Republicans, we are unable to support a Party ticket with Mr. Trump at its head. We commit ourselves to working energetically to prevent the election of someone so utterly unfitted to the office.”

I am sure this is not such a big deal, just 121 Republican security experts. What the hell do they know? They are not people who Chrump consults on security issues. For such important matters he knows better than to talk to strangers who know stuff. He talks to himself when the stakes are this high. The problem is he just doesn’t listen. Or does he? He is not gullible enough to trust such a douchebag. Or is he?

He Loves Women. He Cherishes Women.*

Just to prove what a serious political figure he is Chrump has played his Ass-in-the-Hole – the my-wife-is-better-looking-than-your-wife-and-besides-he-started-it card. Nobody saw this one coming. To be fair, Chrump’s latest wife is an ex-model and Cruz’s wife is married to the man with the most punch-worthy face in America. And that is not me being rude; it is a scientific fact. I don’t know what the current Mrs. Chrump sees in the buffoon with the tiny hands and micro-penis, but that’s not for me to say. At least they are finally talking about the issues that really matter. Nyaah, nyaaah, nyaaah.

Nobody respects women more than Chrump. He said so himself. Nobody. He is the best. The best. Everyone knows it. Everyone. Except 75% of American women.

Women on Chrump on women

*April Fools!

Chrump be great president. Chrump have very good brain.
Chrump stop ISIS. Chrump have large penis.

I. Mangrey reporting. Is that a wall you’re building or are you just glad to see me?
                                                                                                   
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Bernie Gets The Bird

Somebody Up There Likes Him?

Portland, Oregon
March 25, 2016

 

Last night in Portlandia.

 



De-Pressed

Berned Up

March 25, 2016

Liberalwocky
(with apologies to Charles Lutwidge Dodgson)

’Twas bullshit, and the slimy whores
      Did prop and ganda all the while:
All flimsy were their editors,
      All the damn rats beguile. 

“Beware the Liberalwock, my son!
      The claws that type, the jaws that spew!
Beware the Print Media scum, and shun
      The fallacious Cable News!”

They take their vorpal pens in hand;
      No sign of liberal bias wrought—
So rested they by the Dumdum tree
      And drool’d awhile in thought. 

And, as in uffish thought they brood,

      The Liberalwock, with eyes of shame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

      And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

      The vorpal pen went snicker-snack!

Let’s leave it dead, and with its head

      Let’s go galumphing back. 

“So hast thou slain the Liberalwock?

      Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”

      Let us all say “Oy.” 

’Twas bullshit, and the slimy whores
      Did prop and ganda all the while:
All flimsy were their editors,
      All the damn rats beguile.

Your Liberal Media At Work

For anyone who needs further proof of the wily and influential liberal media’s bias, post-results coverage on Super Tuesday, March 15^th was showing Chrump’s unoccupied podium while the cable media restlessly awaited the candidate’s delivery of what passes for a victory speech (or maybe a ‘press conference’ during which he answers no questions or perhaps a QVC-like event where he hawks his phony wares), like an unpopular schoolgirl sitting timidly by the phone waiting to be asked to the senior prom. They even showed John Kasich proclaiming his first and probably only primary victory. Not one mentioned, let alone showed Bernie Sanders addressing his supporters that evening despite the fact that he is still in a battle (however long the shot might be at this point) for the Democratic Party’s nomination (or at least its soul) and continues to outperform all expectations from even a few months ago. He is also outraising his opponent despite not having any of the kind of mega-donors she has. Hillary got her well-deserved air time after a big win, but Bernie can’t get just a little love? Wherefore art thou oh Liberal Media?

Bernie Sanders is favorite in the readers’ poll for the TIME 100 list of the world’s most influential people in 2016 by a mile. Sanders has 5.1% of all votes cast for all 100 candidates – more votes than both Korean pop group Big Bang (second-place) and President Barack Obama (third-place) combined. Hillary Clinton is a footnote, with just 0.8 percent of readers naming her the most influential person of 2016 and Chrump is more of an assnote, with just 0.6 percent of all votes cast. Not to worry though, in 2015 voting Bernie crushed all other candidates, but TIME went with the tenth place finisher instead of the winner of the poll.

Notoriously liberal TIME magazine showing its liberal bias. Or something.

A recent Huffington Post/YouGov survey showed that 49% of Americans either strongly agree or somewhat agree that Chrump’s campaign has fascist undertones. Undertones? Okay, I guess we’ll go with that for the sake of argument. Only 30% of those surveyed disagreed with that statement. And 28% of Republican respondents agreed. Why does the liberal media hate the democratic socialist? Are socialists now considered less liberal than fascists?

I know that Hillary has great numbers as far as wins and delegates, but not all of her numbers are inspiring when looking toward the general election. From January 27: Hillary Clinton has a 52% unfavorable rating, while the unfavorable rating for Bernie Sanders is 31%. Donald Chrump’s has an unfavorable rating of over 60% – the highest unfavorable ever for a presidential frontrunner. I don’t know what second place all time is but it’s obviously not that much more than 52%. Regardless, Chrump has gotten 23 times more coverage than Sanders. Thank goodness Secret Service protection isn’t dependent on the amount of media coverage a candidate gets.

Bernie Sanders is not going away, and he should not. He continues to outpace conventional wisdom. Massive crowds are still overfilling venues across the country.  And he is not even a fascist. Everybody needs to know just how many people prefer his message in all 50 states. Eventually the media might notice. Sanders continues to close the gap, now trailing Clinton by only five points nationally and polls continue to show him doing better against Chrump than his primary opponent. Polls also show Bernie beating Cruz while Hillary loses to the Texas Troll. Also Bernie’s continued presence and popularity are the only things keeping Hillary ‘honest’. She did not have ideological relations with the Sanders platform.

Oh, and a new BloombergPolitics national poll has Sanders and Clinton tied among likely Democratic voters nationally – actually Sanders came in at 49% to Clinton’s 48%. CNN polling has Clinton beating Chrump by 12 points and Sanders dusting off Mr. Cotton Candy Head by 20. The same poll has Clinton tied with Cruz and Sanders punishing the Texas Terror by 13 points. Thanks Liberal Media.

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t call me Liberal.

Isn’t it interesting...

Bernie Sanders tends to win the way Democrats traditionally win – in states with high turnouts. Hillary Clinton tends to win the way Republicans win – in states where the turnout is low. So during primary season, if you are a Bernie fan get out and vote. If you favor Hillary don’t worry about it, you can just stay home.

           IMPORTANT UPDATE    IMPORTANT UPDATE    IMPORTANT UPDATE 

Must-Carry  July 18–21, 2016

It’s Do And/Or Die Time For the RNC

The logical thing is for you to make the 2016 RNC not just an open-carry, but a must-carry event. After all, the primaries have been anything but polite. Not only will all these guns make for a much more polite convention, but with all the conflict over who the nominee should be, what could be better than a fully armed and loaded nominating convention. Most of you are looking for a way, any way, to stop Chrump from running away with the nomination. What better way to choose your standard bearer than a good old fashioned shoot-out in Cleveland? Screw voting. What the hell did voting ever solve? There is no doubt that Chrump and Cruz would gladly agree to this they love the Second Amendment. Chrump surely loves it the best of anyone. The best, I’m telling you. Nobody loves the Second better than Chrump. Nobody. This would hopefully be a last resort. We hope it would never come to this. But it pays to be prepared. 

Sure, Rubio’s dead meat, but you get the idea

Actual petition here

Let's make it happen.

  

                                                                                                     Mad in USA

Bill & Hillary & Bernie & Elizabeth

Hillary See, Hillary Do

Happy Springtime
March 21, 2016

Don’t get me wrong. I would vote for Rahm Emanuel before I would vote for Chrump or Cruz. It is inarguably long past time for a woman in the White House. I would vote for Elizabeth Warren in a heartbeat. I am not a fan of Hillary Clinton. I was (and am) not a fan of her husband, our 42^nd president. Bill might not have had “sexual relations with that woman” but he sure f*#ked the American public. And not with one of his fancy cigars, but with welfare reform, a horrible crime bill that worsened mass incarceration, NAFTA, the murder of Glass-Stegall, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and much, much more. He was a relatively impressive president…for a Republican. Unfortunately he claimed that he was a Democrat.
Speaking of Elizabeth Warren, she just landed some Tweeted haymakers on Twitter aficionado @realDonaldTrump (thanks to crooksandliars.com):

The way I see it, it’s our job to make sure @realDonaldTrump ends this campaign every bit the loser that he started it.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

See how @realDonaldTrump kept his father’s empire afloat using strategic corporate bankruptcies to skip out on debt.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

Let’s be honest - @realDonaldTrump is a loser. Count all his failed businesses. See how he cheated people w/ scams like Trump U.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

Listen to experts who say @realDonaldTrump might have more money today if he’d put his inheritance in an index fund & left it alone.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

Many of history’s worst authoritarians started out as losers – and @realDonaldTrump is a serious threat.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

.@RealDonaldTrump stands ready to tear apart an America that was built on values like decency, community, and concern for our neighbors.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

But just because @realDonaldTrump is a loser everywhere else doesn’t mean he’ll lose this election.

— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) March 21, 2016

As I said, this is the woman I would most like to see as president. Instead of his usual Twitter counter-attack, The Donald, whose grammar was just rated at the level of a five-year-old, decided instead to use his mouth hole to go after Warren as well as finally insulting the only minority he had yet to denigrate - American Indians. When a reporter inquired about his response to Warren’s comments during a press conference in Washington, D.C. Chrump responded, “Who’s that? The Indian? You mean the Indian?”

The other woman, Hillary Clinton is currently trying to persuade us that she agrees with almost every position put forward by the latest young-upstart-giving-her-a-run-for-her party-establishment-darling-inevitable-nominee-money – the spry and very energetic 74 years young Bernie Sanders. And the millennials love him.

 SNL gives us Hillary Sanders 

It is not just Hillary’s identity crisis that worries me; her memory also seems to be failing her lately. At Nancy Reagan’s funeral on March 11 she waxed nostalgic about the great work Nancy and Ron Reagan did for victims of HIV-AIDS back in the 1980s. Whaaaaaaaat?? The outstanding work by the Reagans was done only in disavowing the existence of HIV for as long as reality permitted…probably a few years longer actually. Then on March 12 Hillary Clinton, talking about her bona fides on health care reform said, “And I always get a little chuckle when I hear my opponent talking about doing it. Well, I don’t know where he was when I was trying to get health care in ’93 and ’94, standing up against the insurance companies, standing up against the drug companies.” Someone with a functioning memory might have recalled just where then-Congressman Bernie Sanders was at that time.

Where was Bernie Sanders back then? Just turn around Hillary.

Maybe Ms. Clinton’s memory is just fine and she is just Clinton being Clinton. The Clintons have done for truth what the Reagans did for HIV.

Just for the record…

I. Mangrey reporting. Thanks for tuning in, turning on and dressing up.

A Chrump Too Far

Editor’s Note: Before subjecting you to yet another dose of – and this might not be hyperbole – one of the most dangerous men on the planet, I want to apologize for the amount of Chrump coverage here at Paying Attention. I would not blame you if you preemptively crumpled up your computer and tossed it in the trash rather than read one more word about the Orange Don. Nonetheless, since he will not stop, we cannot stop. They say letting it out is healthy. They damned well better be right. 

Here’s hoping you’re coping, and that a few (hundred) laughs at Chrump’s expense make the primary season just a little less nauseating and terrifying.

Ed Venture
Editor in Chief, Paying Attention 

Winning – It’s Not Just For Losers Anymore  

Where the Chrump Things Are
March 16, 2016

The pathological liar with the phony hair, phony fortune, make-believe presidential campaign and alleged penis is at it again. This shameless poser is now trying to sell us on the idea that people are protesting his campaign not because he called Mexicans criminals and rapists, or his suggestion that all Muslims be banned from this country, his blatant disregard for black people, his cozy relationship with the KKK and just about every white supremacist group there is, his insane birtherism, climate science denial, his contempt for the press and the First Amendment, his fondness for torture and the use of nuclear weapons or his raving misogyny, not because he repeatedly incites his supporters to violence against anyone who disagrees with him, but because Bernie Sanders is encouraging his followers to disrupt Chrump events. This from Chrump, who himself is nothing but a disruption. In response to his paranoid delusions Chrump threatened to send his minions to Bernie’s rallies.

Actual Tweet

It is not just Bernie’s people who are, shall we say put off by the freak show that is Donald Chrump. Several of Wall Street’s heavy hitters want to dump Chrump, saying he would be dangerous to the stock market and the economy. The inspiration for Gordon “Greed is good” Gekko in Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street” was asked who he thought would be the best president for the economy, without hesitating he said “Bernie Sanders. No question.” So for these guys, greed is good, but Chrump is unthinkable.

The Nazis love me. They really do. They love me. Go f%*k yourself.

The Land That Chrump Forgot…Well Lied About Actually

Chrump, whose rallies have become more and more ignorant, heated and sometimes violent, insists that the fact that he said of a protestor, “I’d like to punch him in the face, I tell ya,” had no impact on the behavior of those clamoring to bask in his orangey glow. And the time he said, “If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato knock the crap out of them would you,” couldn’t possibly have incited anyone to take him up on his offer. Chrump has said that the violence and excitement add to his allure. “Can I be honest with you? [apparently not] It adds to the flavor. Isn’t this better than listening to a long boring speech? Part of the problem is nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.” Whaaaaaaaat?? What the hell is this? WrestleMania? Chrump is convinced that all this mayhem draws more people to his cause. And what astounding people they are.

Sneak preview of Chrump’s planned inaugural tux.

Chrump constantly bemoans the political incorrectness of using harsher protestor management techniques. How long until he bellows about waterboarding them. He told Fux News “Maybe he should have been roughed up, because it was absolutely disgusting what he was doing.” Apparently Mr. Chrump has as much familiarity with American history as George W. Bush. Maybe someone should tell him that there have been a few examples of protesting at various points in our nation’s history – you remember…back when America was great before. Chrump recently said (after at least half a dozen violent incidents have occurred right under his nose), “There’s no violence at my rallies.” I’m giving it about three weeks until someone gets shot at one of Chrump’s melees…or “love fests” as he calls them.

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation are men who want crops without plowing the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its mighty waters.”
                    Frederick Douglass August 4, 1857

In the Sixties the protests were over Civil Rights and the disgraceful war in Vietnam. Today the focus of non-right wing angst and protest is the neo-fascist Donald Chrump. Mussolini meets Forest Gump. Ho Li Shit.

Stupid Is As Stupid Chrump Does

“What do I know about it? All I know is what's on the Internet," Trump said when confronted with one of his countless lies. Has Forest Chrump ever even seen the internet? 75% of the Earth’s surface is water. 75% of the internet is porn and cat videos. And nothing strikes me as more pornographic than Donald Chrump. Sure he tweets without a second, or often first thought but, “All I know is what’s on the Internet?” WTF. The context is unimportant; any schmuck on the street can be excused for saying that all they know is what they see on the internet. Not a presidential candidate. Is this too much to ask? And he actually thinks the people at his rallies want to buy a “Trump” steak for $50? You just know he will pick the best people to surround him. When asked who he consults on foreign policy, Chrump said, “I’m speaking with myself, number one. Because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things. I speak to a lot of people but my primary consultant is myself and you know I have a good instinct for this stuff.” Really good.

Forests Gump and Chrump: like Gump with 110% more hate

Chrump insists he is a "truthful" man, "maybe truthful to a fault" he says. That is one thing he most certainly is not. It is much more accurate to say he is faulty with the truth. The people at Politico risked their very lives to scrutinize Chrump’s speeches in order to quantify his level of fabrication. Politico pored over 4.6 hours of Chrump’s ramblings and found that he lies on average once every five minutes. He rarely gets challenged directly for all his lies. Two dozen fact checkers have been hospitalized in the past four months from going through his transcripts to document the truthiness of his talking.*

I have a yuuuuuuge penis.

*Full disclosure: this last bit may or may not be true, but in this context does that really matter?

I. Mangey@DonaldChrump.WTF
I think I’m getting an ulcer.**

**not really
                                                                                                     Mad in USA

UPDATE

SPECIAL BONUS CHRUMP

This lovely gift was sent by a good friend:

A Boy and His Dick

The Chrump Stomps Here

UPDATED

Lost In The Ozone
March 10, 2016

Only once in a generation (Please!?!) does a presidential candidate come along with the rare combination of arrogance, ignorance, fear and hate mongering and a sociopathic contempt for the truth. And that man is Donald J. Chrump. No one alive on that day in March of 2016 will ever forget where they were or what they were wearing when they heard his inspirational I Have A Dick speech: "I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee it." Foreskin and seven millimeters ago. I am telling you it is yuuuuuuge. Believe me. Believe me. I get women to pay for it. I really do. It's true. And it will keep the Mexicans out of our country. How many men would dare make such a moving call to short arms during a presidential debate? I’ll tell you how many – just one. Sure there are other men out there who also have dicks, not Ted Cruz, or J.E.B. or Ben Carson, but there are others. Only one has the zircon encrusted 9K gold-plated balls to bring it up during a presidential debate. At least we can hope so.

As Harry Shearer so astutely noted many years ago regarding the American political landscape, “It’s the stupidity stupid.” A group of golfing white males was recently asked who they liked in the presidential race. All of them favored Republican’ts. One after another each of them said something to the effect of, “Anyone but Hillary.” After all of his buddies said their piece the last one answered with one word – “Trump.” The interviewer then asked why; “He’s got enough money that he can be honest,” the pink polo-shirted man replied. The next question should have been, “Why then do you think it is that every single word out of his mouth is a lie?”

More Winning, and Yes I Am Already Tired Of It

Chrump had another good night on Not-Quite-So-Super Tuesday, March 8^th. At evening’s end he emerged from his tanning/spraying/primping suite to rub our noses in his latest triumph. Most serious candidates taking the stage to revel in a primary victory talk about their vision for the country they hope to lead. Not Donald Chrump. All he does is talk about himself and just how great he really is. And just how mistreated he is by his opponents. And what losers they are. And occasionally how big his dick is. What a pro.

 

If You Downed A Shot Every Time He Mentioned His Own Name You Would Be Dead By Now

Chrump is too busy repeating his own name, showing off the few remaining Chrump Brand products (which are either not owned by him or don’t exist anymore) and purging his rallies of anyone who might possibly disagree with him or look like they might tend to disagree with him…you know people of color. Or members of the media of any color. The Insult Candidate Dog offered to pay the legal fees of anyone assaulting any malcontents daring to attend one of his public events (which he did not in fact do, choosing instead to disavow any connection or responsibility), while egging them on to further violence. Whatever you do, don’t show him a copy of the First Amendment – he might melt. We know he will meltdown. Unsurprisingly Mr. Chrump is hoping you will vote for him so he can be president. But he does not want to be president of all Americans, just one single American – him. Because nothing else really matters. And clearly people are lining up to do just that.

We are in serious trouble folks.

Chrump long ago – in an arena to which he is much better suited
– demonstrated how he would deal with Putin.

It Ain’t Over Until…Well, Any Minute Now

Meanwhile, Republican’t establishment darling Marco Rubio is swirling down the toilet and calling it a relaxing evening in the hot tub. He barely beat out Ben Carson in Mississippi and even Ben Carson knows that he is out of the race. There is no glory in being more clueless than Ben Carson. Chrump, talking about Rubio’s recent slew of attacks on the Donald having no effect said, “Hostility works for some people; it doesn’t work for everybody.” Nothing seems to work for Rubio. Perhaps this is why he “chose” not to run for a second term as senator.

Don’t cry Marco I hear Sarah Palin needs a sidekick.

For The Rest of Us

There is only one way to plan our way forward:

Consult the Magic 8 Ball

I. Mangrey reporting. We live in Strangelove times.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA
UPDATE March 13, 10:53am

Apparently Mr. Chrump is looking into paying the legal fees of a man who sucker punched a black protestor at one of his rallies. Not sure which is worse, lying about covering an assailant’s legal fees or actually doing so. In any event, chances are very good that he is lying about looking into it.

Carry Nation

To The Teeth

Cleveland, Ohio
March 8, 2016

I know we have often been rough on the Republican’ts here at Paying Attention. The only reason is that they deserve it most of the time. For both of those times when they did not actually deserve such merciless treatment I would like to do something nice for them. Sometimes I worry about them. After all we are all Americans.

It surprises me that I am the one who had to come up with this idea. Full disclosure, it was actually a tip from one of our most loyal readers – a dear old friend. Because of our yuuuuuge readership – numbering in the dozens – he requested that we share this idea in the hopes of having it go viral, or perhaps just bacterial. Whatever.

Herr Chrump, saluting his mob for roughing up black folks, later asking
his minions to make the same gesture while pledging their loyalty. Nice.

As my good friend Mr. B reminded me there’s a saying in Pennsylvania…I know it’s in Texas, I think it’s in Pennsylvania. Fool me once shame on me…I mean, “An armed society is a polite society.” (Though the way Chrump crowds are behaving these days, being black is already considered very impolite.) You have probably heard the quote at some point. It is a staple of the Second Amendment fetishists. I imagine few of them know that this quote comes from Robert A. Heinlein – a science fiction writer. I doubt that would matter to these folks since for them fact and fiction are synonymous. The thinking one assumes, is that if everyone is packing heat everyone is less likely to say or do impolite things for fear of getting shot. Surely it’s all in good fun. I believe this is known as friendly fire. I imagine that the way so many of our ammo-sexuals – as Bill Maher calls them – behave, it would quickly make the Wild West seem like Woodstock – the original Woodstock, not any of those Woodstock-come-latelys. But what do I know, I don’t even own a gun.

Woodstock – 3 days of Peace, Music and
touch that brown acid and I’ll pop a cap in your ass

Here is the great idea we want to share with our Republican’t friends:

It’s Do And/Or Die Time For the RNC

The logical thing is for you to make the 2016 RNC not just an open-carry, but a must-carry event. After all, the primaries have been anything but polite. Not only will all these guns make for a much more polite convention, but with all the conflict over who the nominee should be, what could be better than a fully armed and loaded nominating convention. Most of you are looking for a way, any way, to stop Chrump from running away with the nomination. What better way to choose your standard bearer than a good old fashioned shoot-out in Cleveland? Screw voting. What the hell did voting ever solve? There is no doubt that Chrump and Cruz would gladly agree to this they love the Second Amendment. Chrump surely loves it the best of anyone. The best, I’m telling you. Nobody loves the Second better than Chrump. Nobody. This would hopefully be a last resort. We hope it would never come to this. But it pays to be prepared.

We want to help you become RepubliCANS instead of Republcan’ts. Don’t be shy my friends. Do not presume this is something you cannot do – YES YOU CAN. If Bernie Sanders can give Hillary Clinton, who has been running for president since 1997, a run for her money then anything is possible. Ohio is an open carry state so you’re already half way there. This should be a piece of cake. All you have to do is put your muzzle where your mouth is. Not literally mind you; that could be dangerous, but I’m sure you know what you’re doing. You have made it abundantly clear that the Second Amendment is more important than the First. Your presumptive nominee Mr. Chrump has sworn to uphold the Second Amendment, but is poised to water down the First Amendment to go after those who would besmirch his good name - Drumpf. As the Beach Boys said many years ago, “The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for a bullet.” This was of course tongue-in-cheek, but nobody subverts a message as well as you guys. Do the right thing and set an example for all Americans. Stand your ground. You know you want to. Don’t conceal your weapons feelings.

Must-Carry  July 18–21, 2016

The time is coming. You have to choose your guy…

The Three Screwges: Marco, Squirrely & Hairy

Help make the 2016 convention the first Must-Carry presidential convention. Tell a Republican’t friend. Write your congressman. Buy a billboard on the highway. Graffiti your neighborhood. Take hostages. By any means necessary. After all as far as the Republcant's are concerned No Lives Matter.

So I ask you, Rubio’s cute, but can he shoot?

I. Mangrey reporting. Happy Bostwick Mr. Birthday!

Election Flashback: Remember in 2000 when Al Gore got excoriated for sighing at George W. Bush? Guess he should have told him to go f*#k himself. He might have won the election…oh wait, he did.