Don't Worry, Be Crazy

America In the Time of Chrump

Chrumpland
November 28, 2016

Hair Chrump went on and on and on ad nauseam about how rigged the election was. "The election is absolutely being rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary - but also at many polling places - SAD" went Twitterbell’s whiny refrain. He played coy with whether or not he would accept the results. Well, what's good for the goosed is good for the gooser.

Oh dear, somebody is being mean to me.

 

More recently Twitterbell added “Hillary conceded…after the results were in [Waaaaaaaah],” but the results are not all in yet. Votes are still being counted for the first time. Michigan has yet to be officially called, so they cannot have a recount until they have an actual count. I know what you’re thinking, who needs to count the votes anyway? If Chrump says he won we should take him at his word. He does have the best ones after all. The election was totally rigged, remember Don? And you “won” what you called “a totally rigged election.” FU.

In fact Twitterbell tweeted yesterday, "I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally." There is absolutely no evidence of any such thing. Actually that is not entirely true. There is one documented case of actual in-person voter fraud – it was a woman who voted twice…for Chrump. Fun fact: Chrump’s pick for deputy national security adviser, is registered to vote in two separate places, which some consider a felony. None of this is surprising when dealing with the Orange Gas Cloud who made fiction more relevant than fact in 2016 Amerika with his delusional albeit seemingly partially successful campaign. In any event, Chrump clearly thinks the election is rigged so the best thing would have to be counting. The. Votes.

Reince Priebus echoed his new boss saying the recount is a “scam”. This morning Kellyanne Conway threatened to renew Chrump’s recently recanted promise to prosecute Hillary Clinton (something outside the president’s job description, but a great tag line for a reality show) for the charges she was already cleared of by the Justice Department, if she doesn’t behave properly as regards the recount. Just so we’re all clear, carefully counting votes in a presidential election is cheating. Now they tell me.

Wisconsin officials announced they plan to proceed with the first presidential recount in the state’s history. Why do they hate Amerika? Repressing non-white voting is not cheating. Neither is illegally using funds from one’s “charity” for one’s personal expenses. Neither is ripping off thousands of people with a phony university I guess. He probably settled the suit because he was feeling generous and wanted to help his suckers out. I’m sure all the fraud was unintentional. It’s all in good fun. Keeping his business interests ahead of everything else he does while president will also be considered perfectly legal…by Chrump.

A colleague of Steve Bannon shared an exchange with Chrump’s Brain wherein Bannon reportedly talked about restricting voting to property owners since some people are genetically inferior. His colleague noted that this would likely disenfranchise many African Americans. Bannon’s reported reply?  “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

Meanwhile, a Texas man resigned from his position in the Electoral College saying in part, "I do not see how Donald Trump is biblically qualified to serve in the office of the Presidency…"If Trump is not qualified and my role, both morally and historically, as an elected official is to vote my conscience, then I can not and will not vote for Donald Trump for President. I believe voting for Trump would bring dishonor to God." Neither God nor Chrump could be reached for comment. Coincidence?

WARNING - Actual quote ahead: “In theory, I could be president of the United States and run my business 100%, sign checks. I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly…” At least we know what his priorities are. Run his business 100% and then run the country, or whatever. So much for “Amerika first.” It was a metaphor. "The president can't have conflicts of interest," according to Mr. Chrump. Another metaphor I assume.

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t blame me.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Tune in next time… 

when you will hear managing editor Ed Venture’s head explode after learning that Chrump is interviewing disgraced traitor Gen. David Petraeus who struck a plea deal requiring two years’ probation and a $100,000 fine for sharing classified documents with his biographer with whom he was having an affair, for Secretary of State.

Wait For It...

It's Just a Matter of Time

November 26, 2016

The new and improved...

In case you don't recognize the terrain encompassing Chrump's newest and bestest, that would be Chrump's Amerika. He says it looks just the way it always did.

Shay King reporting.

Thankstaking

Deplorable is As Deplorable Does

November 23, 2016

First, the Dean of Deplorable

So wouldn’t November 9^th have been the time for Chrump to unveil his super secret incredible plan to stop-ISIS-very-quickly-and-so-easily to our military, once he became Electoral-College-president-elect? He’s been screaming about it for almost two years, keeping us in suspense until he was president. So let’s have it Fuckface von Clownstick.

A bit of Jon Stewart

He knows more than the generals. He told us so many times. Shouldn’t he have immediately shown his patriotism to help the country he loves so much defeat these radical terrorists? Or is he too busy appealing to Amerika’s own radical terrorists – who have been committing hate crimes in his name at an alarming rate? Or is he too busy introducing his children to world leaders to enhance the family business? Or is he too busy tweeting about Alec Baldwin and the cast of what he dubbed the “highly overrated” Broadway smash Hamilton not respecting him enough? Or perhaps he has not yet accepted the result of the horribly rigged election?

The Court Jesters of Deplorable

The Republican’t establishment jumped right on the Chrump Train after attempting disembowel him early and often during the primaries and the presidential campaign. One by one they have come to pay tribute to their new overlout. Mitt Romney, Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, Nikki Haley have all kissed his gold ring…or his whatever. Chris Christie is still sniffing around hoping for table scraps.

Corporate media similarly went right to work helping Amerikans speed up their memory loss. Give him a chance, what could go wrong? They say. He seems very presidential now. Let’s not focus on the 18 months (years really) of non-stop childish bloviating and tweeting, spouting insane conspiracy theories, racism, misogyny, and inciting violence. He’s going to pivot now for sure. Chrump’s mouthpieces Corey Lewandowski at CNN and Mark Halperin at MSNBC left their “commentator jobs” as soon as their real boss secured the reins of power.

The heads of most major television media outlets and many of their top on-air talking heads were summoned to meet Hair Leader at his Golden Tower – privately and off-the-record – presumably to learn their place in the new regime. I’m sure it’s a good thing that the media is meeting privately and off-the-record with our soon-to-be Conflict-of-Interest-in-chief, who refused to disclose his taxes and is already enhancing his family business on the back of his Electoral College victory. The Chrump spent the first 20 minutes berating the way he has been covered in the press so far. We do not know for sure if he actually hit them on the nose with a rolled up New York Times. No word on what happened next. There were no reports of them leaving the tower. Speaking of the New York Times, Chrump cancelled the planned meeting with the Times the following day, according to Electoral-College-president-elect Twitterbell, “when the terms and conditions of the meeting were changed at the last moment. Not nice.” Oddly enough the Times said they had not changed the arrangements for the meeting; it was in fact…wait for it… Chrump’s team who tried to change the ground rules of the meeting at the last minute. The Times was unaware the meeting had been canceled until Chrump’s lying tweet was posted on Twitter. After he had gotten the day’s lying out of the way he changed his “mind” and put the meeting back on his schedule. I think it is going very well so far. How about you?

The Duke of Deplorable

Stephen Bannon head of Breitbart News said, "we are the platform giving voice to the alt-right." He says he just wanted this underserved demographic to be able to hear reporting that they can’t hear anywhere else. That sounds noble on its face. Here’s the rub. The reason no one else is circulating much of Breitbart’s content is that if it’s not racist, homophobic, misogynistic or anti-Semitic, it is conspiracy theories and straight up delusional nonsense. Breitbart is the journalism equivalent of yelling fire in a crowded theater. The First Amendment does not cover either hate speech or yelling fire in a crowded theater. The truly frightening thing is that so many Americans have no understanding of or respect for the First, while being obsessed with the last little bit of the Second, and have no interest whatsoever with anything that follows.

According to the New York Times Breitbart News “…recently accused President Obama of “importing more hating Muslims” and compared Planned Parenthood’s work to the Holocaust” (which most of their readers either deny happened or think didn’t go far enough) and “called Bill Kristol, the conservative commentator, a “renegade Jew”, and advised female victims of online harassment to “just log off” and stop “screwing up the internet for men.” Other than that they are probably very nice folks and I hear they have a great fascism, I mean fashion section.

Running a website to enable and mainstream white nationalist, racist philosophy does not a patriot make. Neither do statements like this from Bannon in a recent interview:

“Like [Andrew] Jackson’s populism, we’re going to build an entirely new political movement.”

Yes, Andrew Jackson – great Amerikan genocider

“I am Thomas Cromwell in the court of the Tudors,” the article concludes with Bannon saying, comparing himself to Henry VIII’s chief minister and a prime driver of the English Reformation.

Spoiler alert: Cromwell ended up charged with treason and heresy,
with his head displayed on a spike on London Bridge.

“Darkness is good. Dick Cheney, Darth Vader, Satan. That’s power. It only helps us when they [the media and the left]…get it wrong. When they’re blind to who we are and what we’re doing.”

I still haven’t quite figured this one out.

Glen Beck calls Bannon “a terrifying man.” Bannon considers himself to be brilliant. The martyr meets the narcissist. How bad could it possibly be? Reporter Michael Wolff says Bannon is Chrump’s “brain”. Now where have we heard that one before? I seem to remember another president who lost the popular vote who had to hire someone to be his brain.

I. Mangrey reporting. Hanging on by a threat.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Grave New World

It's All Going According to Off The Top of His Head

November 17, 2016

From a Fox interview in 2015:

Q: Would you cut departments?

CHRUMP: ...Environmental Protection, what they do is a disgrace. Every week they come out with new regulations.

Q: Who's going to protect the environment?

CHRUMP: We'll be fine with the environment. We can leave a little bit, but you can't destroy businesses.

Yes by all means let us “leave a little bit” of the environment. I suppose we hear this kind of talk because according to Hair Chrump the environment is a Chinese hoax. You remember China, that’s the place where Chrump has all his wine, steaks, ties, shirts and other crap he has been trying to sell you made. It is where he gets absolutely everything to build and outfit his towers. Chrump will be the only global leader not to recognize the threat of climate change. China is urging Chrump not to back out of the Paris climate agreement. China, about whom Chrump said, “We can't continue to allow China to rape our country.” Apparently you can rape Mother Nature as long as you don’t mess with Father Business. Two thirds of Americans are concerned about global climate change. Is it possible Chrump is angry at Amerika and has won the electoral vote in order to teach us all a lesson?

More recently during a 60 Minutes interview taped November 11^th the man who is obsessed with anything having to do with himself claimed to be surprised to learn from Leslie Stahl that some of his supporters marked his victory and their territory by committing hate crimes against people Chrump demonized throughout his campaign. Perhaps his response was not quite as eloquent as Barack Obama’s 37 minute long ‘A More Perfect Union’ speech, which touched on similar issues in March of 2008 when Chrump told Stahl, “I am very surprised to hear that – I hate to hear that, I mean I hate to hear that. But I think it’s a very small amount.” Yes, a small amount. I wonder if that would be more or less than the “little bit” of the environment he intends to leave un-raped. When Stahl asked if he had a message for the perpetrators Chrump added, “I would say don't do it, that's terrible, because I'm going to bring this country together.* I am so saddened to hear that. And I say, ‘Stop it.’ If it—if it helps. I will say this, and I will say right to the cameras: ‘Stop it.’” Well, I guess that clears that up.

*As proof of his bringing togetherness he immediately offered up racists Stephen Bannon as his chief advisor and Jeff Sessions for attorney general. And David Clarke for Homeland Security.

 

Topping Chrump’s list for head of Homeland Security is Sheriff David Clarke of Milwaukee County, Wisconsin. You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but he is considerably less than fond of African Americans. Clarke is the Clarence Thomas of law enforcement with one big exception: he won’t keep his damn mouth shut.

Who can argue with an Amerikan’s right to peaceably assemble?

Apparently this ignorant fascist.

A concerned citizen speaks out about Obama winning the electoral vote and Romney winning the popular vote in 2012:

I wonder what Sheriff Clarke thinks about this guy.
PS. Romney lost the popular vote by 5 million

Amerika’s angriest sheriff was upset that people were protesting Chrump’s electoral college victory, having lost the popular vote by close to 2 million votes – a larger margin that that enjoyed by Al Gore, Richard Nixon or John Kennedy. Meanwhile some of Chrump’s sore winners have orchestrated over 400 (and counting) documented incidents of either hate related program activities or actual hate crimes since Chrump won the electoral vote, including a Tampa Bay area high school teacher and golf coach who was placed on leave after he allegedly threatened black students by saying, "Don't make me call Donald Trump and get you sent back to Africa." According to one student's father, "He actually admitted saying it. He said it was just an off the wall comment and wasn't meant to be racist.” Of course not, it was a pun. In Sarasota an elderly man with pro-LGBT bumper stickers was followed and ultimately pulled out of his car and beaten by a man who kept saying, “You know my new president says we can kill all you faggots now.” I have a feeling Hair Chrump’s touching plea to ‘stop it’ might not be having the impact he had “hoped” on all the people who he encouraged to commit acts of violence against anyone they don’t like. Apparently they did not get the memo in Florida. At least Chrump can look at himself in the mirror knowing that he did everything he could. Just as with Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” no one will forget where they were when they heard Chrump’s moving “Stop It” speech.

A subsidiary of the Chrump Organization

Noam Chomsky says, “[The Republican Party] has become the most dangerous organization in world history. The Party is dedicated to racing as rapidly as possible to destruction of organized human life. There is no historical precedent for such a stand.” There, I feel better already. At least I know I was right about Chrump and the Republican’ts. I deserve a lot of credit for that. If there is ever a safe distance from which to view this election, I suspect it will make the Brexit vote look like the Magna Carta. I’m sure one day we will all look back on Chrump’s electoral victory and so-called presidency and vomit until we die of dehydration.

"Can you believe this shit?"

I. Mangrey reporting. Resistance is futile. But necessary.
                      If you see something call the Chrump hotline: 555-382-5YOU

Tune in next time

…when you’ll hear managing editor Ed Venture, upon learning that Ben Carson’s spokesperson told reporters, "Dr. Carson feels he has no government experience, he's never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency," screams “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh What the fuck is wrong with these people? Carson knows he’s too unqualified to run a federal agency for a guy with the same unmitigated lack of experience, but not too unqualified to run the entire government?” loud enough for the entire world to hear.

Talking Smack to Power

Never Say Chrump

All Over the Place
November 17, 2017

Pre-ramble

I know it may be unfair and/or too depressing to bring this up, but as all the votes are finally tallied it appears that Hillary Clinton will have won the popular (well, apparently it’s not that popular) vote by over two million votes. Her total vote tally puts her in second place all-time just behind Barrack Obama. Remember him? All this despite gutting the Voting Rights Act, Herculean votersuppression, billions of dollars of free campaign advertising courtesy of corporate media and who knows how much voting machine shenanigans. And why is it that exit polls don't match actual voting only when Republican'ts win?

Don’t Mourn (or pay federal taxes)…Organize

Maybe we have a way of making some serious trouble for these tax haters. As Dear Leader-Elect told us about not paying taxes, “That makes me smart.” Perhaps we should show these people how smart we are. What this county needs is a seven-cent nickle…I mean a good old-fashioned tax strike. Since many of us are too old, too busy, too strapped for cash or farther from the nearest protest than from the nearest women’s health clinic to march in the streets, let’s start by emulating Hair Chrump and stop paying federal taxes. It makes you smart. And maybe one day you can run for president and not release your taxes to the public of whom you wish to be a servant.

Half of the government tries to run social programs while the other half works every minute to ruin them. One side has been sabotaging everything from voting rights to women’s rights, to marriage equality, from Social Security and health care equality, to economic equality and then yellling, “We told you so,” when nothing seems to work. Long ago they were called Democrats, now they are Republican’ts, and no my friends you are not the party of Lincoln, or Eisenhower. You are not even the party of Ronald Reagan. You are the party of Jefferson Davis and Joseph McCarthy and Strom Thurmon and David Duke and Rush Limbaugh and Steve Bannon and now Donald Fucking Chrump. We can’t really know how well government-run programs might work when the right hand keeps bashing the left hand with a hammer. It’s time for the left hand to grab the damned hammer away…for starters.

Chrump is the poster boy for conflict-of-interest. Has anyone figured out how many millions he paid his business (to use his own plane, stay at his own hotels, etc.) out of his campaign contributions? Besides being up to his swolen eyeballs in debt to Russians, Chinese and who knows who else, he has investments in the Keystone Pipeline. Speaking of pipeline, Chrump still has to answer for his sexual assault scandal. He called his accusers liars, which apparently carries possible legal consequences from which neither presidents nor presidents-elect are exempt. Funny story about that. There happens to be legal precident consequent to another sexual harassment scandal. A landmark 1997 United States Supreme Court case established that a sitting President of the United States has no immunity from civil law litigation against him or her [in our dreams], for acts done before taking office and unrelated to the office. That case was known as Clinton v. Jones.

Killing Without Kindness

Donald Chrump cannot learn anything new. Everything he hears comes either from the insane narcissist in his head, or Steve Bannon, the sociopath/architect who built Chrump Candidate. For example Kellyanne Conway – the mouth that whored – chided Harry Reid for saying, “If this is going to be a time of healing, we must first put the responsibility for healing where it belongs: at the feet of Donald Trump, a sexual predator who lost the popular vote and fueled his campaign with bigotry and hate. Winning the electoral college does not absolve Trump of the grave sins he committed against millions of Americans. Donald Trump may not possess the capacity to assuage those fears, but he owes it to this nation to try.” Conway told Chris Wallace, “I’m calling for responsibility and maturity and decency [from Harry Reid]. I hope President Obama calls Harry Reid today and says cut it out.” That is a special talent. Of all the things to ask of someone else – responsibility and maturity and decency – are definitely not things anyone associated with Chrump should dare to even mention.

Paul RyAynRand

Paul RyAynRand said that Ayn Rand’s philosophy was “the reason I got involved in public service.” He required every member of his staff to read Atlas Shrugged two years before becoming Romney’s running mate and saying he “rejects her philosopy.” RyAynRand aswered Jake Tappers question about all the hate “incidents” occurring since Chump’s election victory with, “That's terrible. By the way, that's not Republicans. We are the party of Lincoln. People who espouse those views, they're not Republicans. We don't want them in our party even if they're thinking about it. And I'm confident Donald Trump feels the same way.” AYFKM Pardon the facts Mr. Speaker, but you cannot not want them in your party, especially after all the support they gave your candidate. They are a vital organ of the Republican’t body politic. In fact at this point they are probably your frontal lobe. And fuck you for trying to weasel your way out of it.

John Oliver, October 9, 2014

Coming awfully close to perpetrating a hate crime himself, RyAynRand immediately floated his plan to eliminate Medicare and Medicaid because Obamacare. He failed to mention that thanks to him and his ‘party of Lincoln’ (someone should ask Mr. Lincoln how he feels about that) Medicare and Medicaid cannot negotiate prescription drug prices, which places a huge financial burden on these programs and the people they serve so well. Who does this benefit exactly? Could it be…Satan…I mean the giant bloodsucking pharmaceutical corporations? These people are shameless. Also RyAynRand received Social Security at the age of 16, which helped him to help him pay for college. But no Social Security for you.

The only good news right now is that Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead…though his spirit lives on.

I. Mangrey reporting. Thank you for your nervous.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Read It and Weep

president-Elect Clusterfuck

Limbo
November 12, 2016

“Ours was not a campaign, but an incredible and great movement.”
president–Elect Chrump, November 9, 2016

Donald Chrump all but promised mayhem if he lost the 2016 election. He said he would have to think about accepting the result…unless he won. He got fewer votes than his opponent, but he won. God bless Amerika. And he accepted his fate gracefully (for a few minutes at least). Unfortunately, Chrump is the messiah for a basket of sore winners. Who would have thought that immediately after the most racist, fascist, hateful candidate in modern Amerikan history – under the auspices of the Alt-Right – got elected president, many of his followers would start harassing and threatening all the people their candidate harassed and threatened throughout the campaign. Swastikas are showing up, threats of lynching black students at an Ivy League college – and that’s just in Pennsylvania. The KKK is planning a Chrump victory march in North Carolina. President-Elect Clusterfuck is silent. If you are expecting a slew of apologies for all the damage he has already done, in order to begin healing the nation Chrump stabbed in the throat, then you will be on the New Enemies List. I wonder if it will be in alphabetical order. If you are expecting presidential oratory, explaining how we are one nation and must put aside our petty fascism, racism and death wishes for people who are African American or Hispanic or Muslim or Jewish or LGBTQ or pro-choice or liberal, and come together to – oh I don’t know maybe something like ‘make Amerika great again’ is a phrase I’ve heard bandied about of late – don’t hold your breath. I was sure all the virulent hatred Chrump exposed, embodied and exacerbated would simply go away once the Nazify Main Street candidate got elected. At least he picked the most rabidly anti-gay, anti-choice, pro-tobacco, pro-Koch brothers VP he could find to be in charge of policy. I'm sure this is going to be great. Again.

Dems the Breaks

Meanwhile, the Democratic Party is toast. Hillary Clinton becomes the second Democrat in a generation to win the popular vote (despite valiant efforts to repress the vote) and lose in the Electoral College because the electorate has been gerrymandered into absurdity. The only reason Obama won in 2008 was the absolute devastation the Bush/Cheney regime rained down upon this country. Oh and maybe that Sarah Palin thing. Republican’ts blow the place up time after time and they just get stronger: government shutdowns, filibusters, and perpetual obstruction – they repeatedly voted against their own legislation once Obama embraced it – and that is just on the political side. They enabled economic chaos, international chaos, racial chaos, electoral chaos. Dems keep trying to act like adults when clearly much of Amerika does not respect adult behavior in the least. And now the Amerikan electorate has tantrummed a walking hissy fit with the temperament of a five-year-old into the highest office in the land. The Republican’ts gain traction by throwing legislative tantrums – a match made in…wherever.

So we “owe him an open mind and a chance to lead” as Hillary Clinton suggested? Bullshit. You mean like Mitch McConnell and the entire Republican’t party did for Barack Obama when he was elected – by both the popular and electoral vote? Bullshit. You mean like Al Gore did after the Supreme Court stole the presidency from him? How did that work out? I can’t remember. You mean like Gerald Ford healed the nation by pardoning Nixon? Did he mean heeled? Sometimes you just have to go Mario Savio on their asses. I am quite aware that what I am suggesting is a vicious circle but I really don’t think Progressives should be the ones to blink. We already have two swollen-shut black eyes, which makes blinking painful anyway. Enough with the fucking blinking already. Screw Hillary Clinton’s message of civility. That trick never works. Amerikans only respect macho bluster. And results.

An Oldie But a Goodie

Anti-Chrump march in Philadelphia…

in Portland, Oregon…

 

in New York City…

in Memphis, Tennessee

 

Hold onto your…whatever folks. The new first family with the Stepford wife and daughter, the Boys-From-Brazil sons, poised to be Daddy’s Little Helpers in running the newest family business, makes the Addams Family look like the Brady Bunch. They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and hooky, they’re altogether spooky – the Chrump Family. And Gomez ain’t got nothing on his freaky counterpart. At least Gomez only blew up model trains. We can now only wait for and try not to imagine what Chrump might decide to blow up. I am confident that Amerika, Inc., a subsidiary of the Chrump Organization will go public very soon. Big league. Just don’t ask to look at their books.

Which family is moving into the White House?

How Tweet It Is

This is autocratic asshole he really is…

This is the thoughtful presidentialist his handlers want us to think he is…

Chrump is nothing but a phony phuck. How long before Hair Chrump starts suing protesters for being “very unfair” or simply outlaws protests because he says they are the ones stopping Amerika from being great again? Seeing as Chrump has been in constant contact with the Russians during his campaign, could it be he is getting leaderly advice from his pal Vlad? Remember when Sarah Palin went apeshit over Obama “palling around with terrorists” because he knew Bill Ayers decades earlier? Me neither. Little Donnie Douchebag got into bed with the Russians to win a presidential election…now. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal since the FBI was working toward the same end and the media was too busy drooling over spoon-fed stories about Clinton’s emails to be bothered with a presidential candidate, who has been openly dreamy-eyed over Vladimir Putin and has known ties to Russian money, colluding with the Russians. A Russian diplomat has stated publicly that the Chrump campaign had been in contact with Moscow during the campaign. The Amerikan media couldn’t even get this conman to show his taxes; I guess he never emailed them to his accountant.

Spotted on the internets: When Barry Met Silly

According to Reince Priebus we can rest assured that, “Donald Trump is taking this very seriously…” Listen, momentary lapses into heavily-coached adult-like behavior does not make one an adult. If I went round saying I was presidential just because I managed to not insult everyone I came into contact with for a few days or promised to stop grabbin’ pussy I’d be locked up. If I told you that not being able to make my taxes public because of extensive business entanglements with the Russians, not paying any taxes for decades and four bankruptcies qualifies me to run the largest economy in history you’d put me away. Just because the Electoral College made you president doesn’t erase most of 70 years and 146 days’ worth of asinine, irresponsible, dishonest, racist behavior. However, the goldfish-like memory of much of the Amerikan public just might do the trick.

I. Mangrey reporting. My motto: To protest and serve.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Still Plenty Berned Up

I’m a Little Post-Occupied

Home, Home on the Rage
November 11, 2016

As we ponder the nauseating horror of the impending Chrump presidency, we must take where we can. Let us not forget the very real and pleasantly surprising Bernie Sanders phenomenon. If not for the Democratic Party machine running interference at every moment, we might have seen Sanders v. Chrump, but that’s politics. And the party honchos got what they paid for. In all the confusion, between trying to convince ourselves that Hillary Clinton was more Occupy than Wall Street, and trying desperately to avoid what we now face head-on: a Donald Chrump presidency, we might be excused for having lost sight of what Bernie has energized – a truly progressive movement. A movement rekindled by Occupy Wall Street. Occupy made a beautiful noise and then faded from view after exploding onto the scene in 2011. But Occupy did not go away. They quietly helped many people keep their houses from being stolen by the banks. Occupy empowered many smart, motivated young people to become and remain politically active and opened the door for Bernie Sanders’ historic candidacy. The Sanders phase of the movement is not going away either, just because it had to hold its nose and support Clinton. Thousands of people marching in dozens of cities every day since the election make it clear that The 99% are not just rolling over after getting pooched by the Russians, the FBI and the Democratic Party old guard. Plans are in the works for a Million Woman March on Inauguration Day in DC. We will not succumb to the Orange Gas Cloud so easily.

Bernie Sanders was the Democrats’ change candidate, the only one fighting for the environment and much stronger than Clinton on minimum wage increase, strengthening unions, reining in corporate thievery, taxing those who can easily afford to help out, protecting Social Security and Medicare, better trade deals, etc. Bernie’s platform was disingenuously co-opted by the Clinton campaign in order to siphon off the enthusiasm Sanders generated all across the country. Chrump is poised to declare open warfare on the environment – with the one exception of the singular place on Earth where he insists climate change is real – off the coast of Scotland where rising sea levels threaten his despicable golf course and where Chrump is pushing for a wall to keep out the ocean. Hmmmmm, where have I heard that song before? Bernie Sanders made Clinton realize she had to pretend much more vigorously to be pro-environment, but I guess Bernie didn’t count on the fact that so many Amerikans think the environment is a communist plot, or maybe a hoax perpetrated by aliens. We will have to wait and see on that one. I wonder how many Chrump supporters have been abducted by aliens at one time or another.

Bernie was able to help Americans realize how much they actually like Socialism. And we really do like our American socialism. But clearly many of our fellow citizens prefer dictatorships. These same people don’t realize that they are benefitting greatly from socialist programs. Let’s see how they like it after they find out that they pulled the rug out from under their own feet. This country has elected someone who sold himself as a purveyor of hatred and ignorance. Chrump has brought Amerika to the point where we have the German chancellor saying, “The election campaign this year was a particular one with some confrontations that were difficult to stomach. Germany and America are connected by values: democracy, freedom and respect for the law and the dignity of man, independent of origin, skin color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or political views.” Just so we’re clear: Germany – yes, that Germany – is telling the United States to get right with social equality and lighten up on all the hatred. Chrump has made it abundantly clear that he stands for exactly none of what Angela Merkel – the woman who leads Germany – spelled out. Until proven otherwise I will be taking Chrump at his constant, consistent and unambiguous word. I’m a glass half fucked kind of guy.

I. Mangrey reporting. How are you feeling?
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

I’m With Someone Else

Time To Have a Serious Deny-alogue

Somewhere Over the Painbow
November 10, 2016

Inspired by the raging success of the climate change deniers I am excited to announce a new movement for our time. And by new I mean it has been around forever and seemingly beaten to death, but for our purposes, let’s call it new. As you know the scientific community is all but unanimous as regards the existence of and human contribution to global climate change, which will be less than kind to the humans who insist on accelerating it along with anyone else that happens to inhabit the same planet they do. Many Amerikans remain completely unwilling to buy into a bunch of theories cooked up by bunch of so-called scientists. They know more than all the scientists. And they will be able to prove their point very soon and they will do it with great vigor and ease. Some of us have other fish to fry before we ourselves become fried fish.

I am talking about the Chrump/Republican’t Election Denial (CRED) Movement. This is a movement whose time has come. It is time for many people to say that the 2016 election was nothing more than a hoax perpetrated by the Russians; the Chinese were too busy with their climate hoax to get involved, though the FBI managed to provide considerable assistance. Chrump will show those Chinese who is boss by appointing a rabid climate denier to head the EPA…until he can abolish the agency altogether. Now that we have elected a bowel moment as president it is time to take them out of our asses and stick our heads in the sand where they belong. Despite the Tsunami of Tsupid^TM that swamped the ship of state, the CRED Movement can bring a powerful, albeit totally devoid of factual evidence, voice to the conversation now rampaging across Amerika. This is after all the essence of Amerikan dialogue. If at first you don’t succeed deny, deny again. The first (if you deny at least two other probable arrivals to our shores prior to the one we prefer to use for our denial-laden story) illegal aliens on this land started out by denying that the people who just happened to be living on this continent had any value or meaning or rights whatsoever and waltzed right in. Yes, I’m aware that the waltz had yet to be invented, but who cares. With the mighty force of the CRED Movement behind me, if I say we waltzed then that is in “fact” what happened. Then we denied that the slaves upon whose raped, tortured and murdered backs we were building this nation were people. Sure, we made that work for some for quite a while, but eventually we had to almost sort of acknowledge that maybe it wasn’t the best thing to have done…but those days are fading fast. More recently we denied that George W. Bush was not actually elected in 2000, but instead appointed illegitimately by the Supreme Court despite losing both the popular and the electoral vote. Then we denied that waterboarding was torture. Many flaming f*#kwits (particularly the guy who was just hoaxed into office) spent the last eight years denying that our current president was, a) born in this country, and b) our duly elected president. Now many are denying once again that the candidate getting the most votes from the most Americans won the election. Many are denying that the president-elect began his presidential bid years ago by levelling a racist attack against Amerika's first black president, officially kicked off his campaign by calling most Mexican immigrants criminals and rapists, demanded a total ban on Muslims entering Amerika, disrespected veterans repeatedly, mocked the handicapped and Native Americans, assaulted an unknown number of women, enabled racists to come out of the gun cabinet and spent most of his 70 years on Earth lying, cheating and stealing. What a country!

For once I can agree with Hair Chrump

 

Denial baby! Hey, it’s worth a fucking shot. If nothing else denial is an accepted stage in the grieving process as laid out by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross – in fact it is the first stage (followed by anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). So I think I am on pretty solid footing here. I also propose a slight modification to the Kübler-Ross model as follows:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. More anger
5. Depression
6. Angrier anger
7. Kicking ass

I hope you will join the movement. You don’t have to abide by all the steps…you can just deny ever having seen them. I know it seems like a lot of work, but if you want to make a revolution you have to break a few legs. (I never said that.)

I. Mangrey building CRED. You didn’t hear it from me.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

R.I.P. Leonard Cohen

 

WTFF

Death Be Not Loud

Koyaanisqatsi
November 9, 2016; 9:07 AM ET

"We have nothing polite to say right now."
A top advisor to Bernie Sanders to CNN’s Jeff Zeleny
 
“Let me help you out Bernie…F*#k this c#*ksucking
fascist motherf*@king hatemonger, please.”
Ed Venture, Editor Paying Attention

Well, shit just got real. And it got real shitty. Real fast. Good-bye satire. Good-bye hyperbole. Hello good-bye.

 
Emphasis on ‘disintegrating’

I hope you can make sense this. I’m barely conscious, I continue to have only one eye open and somehow I’m still seeing double, and I can’t feel my brain or my fingers so I’m not exactly sure what’s appearing in front of me, or by extension - you. I have only a mild level of confidence that words and/or sentences are happening, but I can’t be absolutely sure yet. My teeth are throbbing and my hair hurts. For some reason my forehead is massively black and blue. I do believe I’ll be able to manage solid foods and possibly even keep some of it down by the end of the week and the doctors are hopeful I will be able to dress myself some time in December. After that the plan is to ease me back into “society” little by little until I prove myself capable of being in the presence of random Amerikans without harming myself or others. I know that one day this will all be possible again. I believe I am redeemable. The only good news is now I can stop trying to convince myself that Hillary Clinton was an acceptable candidate…an acceptable whatever. But none of that matters at the moment. My most important decision right now is whether or not to inhale.

I. Mangrey in The Morning

I’m pretty sure I saw thousands of white supremacists dancing in the streets last night…or maybe it was on the internets, or perhaps I just heard many people saying it. Either way I am confident that the shock of this soul-crushing anguish will wear off by the time Chrump runs for his third term in 2024. After that I’m sure what’s left of Amerika will dust herself off, regain her composure and elect Barney…or Ted Nugent. It can’t get any worse. Right?

P*%$#@&$t Barney Chrump I

Bernie Sanders was right about many things, particularly helping more people get a college education. The most important reason Bernie is right about helping people get a college education is that Chrump won biggest among non-college educated white males and also did very well with non-college educated white women. A while back Chrump presciently said, “I love the poorly educated.” Now we know why. They elected him. Literally. After 240 years we can have some understanding of why the founding fathers believed only the educated should be counted on to select our leaders. Of course they remain spectacularly wrong about the white male part. This is what happens when under-educated white folks revolt. And trust me, they are revolting. What part of the draft-dodging, tax-cheating, pussy-grabbing bigoted-neo-fascist-woman-hating-conman-moron narcissistic oaf did you people not get?  Oh right, there was that email thing.

Chrump To Amerika!

And now it’s springtime for Chrump and Amerika. Winter for liberals and thought. Springtime for Chrump in Amerika, now morons go into your dance.

Here comes the rapid acceleration of climate change. The deniers are running the asylum. Stop and Frisk will soon seem like the advent of the Miranda ruling. Get ready for lots more Giuliani, Gingrich, Palin, Conway, Hannity and the Chrump spawn. Oh, and Mike Fucking Pence.

Get ready for Breitbart/Chrump TV as the new Amerikan Pravda. The deplorables have come out of the woodwork and are now out of the basket in which Clinton had hoped to keep them. If you are white be very thankful and please fix up your attics for your less fortunate neighbors and friends.

The good news is we’ll all be dead much sooner as the planet bursts into flames once Hair Chrump puts the kibosh on the Paris climate agreement. I strongly urge you to tell the generations following you to avoid procreation at all costs. Spend your love on those already here, you do not want to leave any more progeny than necessary to deal with the rapidly approaching metaphorical meteor.

Stay Tuned for Updates to the Declaration of Independence 

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with a polluted gasbag that they just elected because their very small brains are gummed up to the point of being paralyzed by high fructose corn syrup…yadda, yadda, yadda. 

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all white men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator – who hast most evidently abandoned them to the whims of a vicious fornicating autocrat – with certain once-unalienable Rights, that among these were Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. These shall surely be jeopardized at first and jettisoned shortly thereafter in favor of whatever mindless, anti-democratic drivel that finds its way in and out of this asshole’s head. 

Much more to come.

I’m actually looking forward to being able to feel enough to start sobbing hysterically.

I. Mangrey reporting. Crawling on fumes.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

UPDATE 8:00 PM ET

Many people are saying this is a bad thing...