Strike Four...You're Chrump

If a Loser Hits a Home Run and No One Sees It, Does It Make a Sound?

Back in The USSA

May 30, 2017

Curveball 2.0

In case you forgot, the Bush/Cheney administration relied on an Iraqi “informant” – who was either an Iraqi defector or a defective Iraqi – as one of the principal sources of “intelligence” on WMD, leading up to the illegal, based-on-lies invasion of Iraq. The informant convinced the Cheney White House (desperately searching for any excuse – real or otherwise – to invade Iraq) that Iraq had a secret biological weapons program. The name of this convenient source, oddly enough, was Curveball. Ironic? Sarcastic? Intentionally mocking us? We will never know. We can, of course, assume.

Now we learn that James Comey relied on what turns out to be fake intel planted by the Russians, possibly knowingly. These documents led Comey to make his July statement about Hillary Clinton’s damn emails. Even if the documents were legitimate, Comey’s little escapade was wholly inappropriate. And don’t forget, it made him “mildly nauseous” to think he might have tilted the playing field in the election that resulted in Donald Chrump squatting in the White House. While double negatives are frowned upon, they do technically add up to a positive – like, “The Chrump campaign never didn’t collude with Russia to gain the presidency.” Similarly, fake intel resulting in a fake president could well have given us our very own semi-biological weapon of mass destruction – Donald J. Chrump.

Radical Orange Terrorism

As our intrepid nincompoop returns from the disastrous road trip he called a “home run”, he remains up to his eyeballs in Jared Kushner, Michael Flynn, Russians and insane tweets (which he resumed six hours after touching down in DC – squeezing out six between 8:10 and 10:43am).

After Chrump swung, he definitely saw the ball go over the wall, something no independent observer has verified, (Chrump did not allow American press to be present most of the time.) Undaunted, Chrump decided to round the bases. He tripped on his tie on his way to first base. He was helped to his feet by a Secret Service team, and three minutes later continued on to second base. A now reddening and audibly wheezing Chrump had considerable trouble rounding second as this was now the longest walk he had taken in forty years. He was the last to arrive for the photo, keeping the others waiting.* Finally rounding third, Chrump stopped for the traditional G7 group photo, taken at a Greek amphitheater. After the photo, the group walked the 700 yards to a piazza in the hilltop town. Well, not the whole group. The Blob stayed behind until he could sit his anti-exercise yuuuuuge ass in a golf cart.*

At least he takes a good picture

This incredibly terrific “home run” of a trip ended with Angela Merkel describing climate change talks at the G7 meeting as "very difficult, if not to say very dissatisfying." The German chancellor also told her fellow citizens that, “the times in which we can fully count on others are somewhat over, as I have experienced in the past few days”, adding, “We Europeans must really take our destiny into our own hands.” Now, why would Angela Merkel say a thing like that? Maybe she knows something that we know. Merkel’s chief political rival said, “…I reject with outrage the way this man takes it upon himself to treat the head of our country’s government.” A State Department official noted, “When it comes to diplomacy, president Chrump is a drunk tourist. Loud and tacky, shoving his way around the dance floor. He steps on others without realizing. It’s ineffectual.” So much winning.

Are fabricated lies truths?
I will spare you the other five tweets

 

*True.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Paying Attention EXCLUSIVE

Recently Discovered Poems by Alternative Ogden Nash

The Past
May 29, 2017

An American icon, Ogden Nash penned over 500 humorous poems starting in the 1930s until his passing in 1971. He was America’s best-known producer of humorous poetry due in no small part to his unconventional rhyming schemes, and was regarded with respect by the literary establishment. Nash also made guest appearances on comedy and radio shows and toured the United States and the United Kingdom, giving lectures at colleges and universities.

The Germ

A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than the pachyderm.
His customary dwelling place
Is deep within the human race.
His childish pride he often pleases
By giving people strange diseases.
Do you, my poppet, feel infirm?
You probably contain a germ.

Ogden Nash

What follows is the tip of the Nashian, or should I say alternative Nashian, iceberg of startlingly prophetic verse, which would be right at home in today’s alt-America. Carbon dating was unable to establish whether these were written before or after his passing. Either way it is with great pride that we bring you this exclusive discovery. Eat your heart out Breitbart…and we mean that literally. We would love for our Disaster-in-chief to see these verses, but unless they show up on Fux and Friends that is unlikely.

The Chrump, Part 1

A dangerous, loud, crazy spreader of hate,
Claiming to re-make America great,
He Chrumps and he grumps, all insults and lies.
His contempt for us all, he does barely disguise.
Yet the more we discover just what lies beneath,
The more there occurs a great Nashing of teeth. 

The Chrump, Part 2

The Chrump he is a homely beast,
For human eyes he's not a feast.
Go ‘way, go ‘way, you orange putz,
You’re sick’ning every one of us. 

Tableau At Twilight

I sit in the dusk. I am all alone,
Enter a Nixon/Chrump idiot Roger Stone.

Americans are easily beguiled,
By nasty assholes running wild.

The friendly embers warmer gleam,
When they promise all that one might dream.

Stone and Manafort, Chrump and Pence,
All Russian dupes, with no defense.

By crook they defeated the Electoral College,
Their alternative facts all but suffocate knowledge.

Their Boss, The Chrump, an angry child,
Conspiracy theorist, running wild.

He’s here for a while, until he gives up,
Or blows up the world, or we make him stup.

The challenge ahead, much more than a tad,
A talentless conman as president. SAD.  

The Purist

I give you now alt-president Chrump,
A lunatic moron, perpetual grump
His minions swear, "He never bungles!"
He just keeps losing, all thumbs and fumbles.
Camped in our White House,
A few days each week.
But mostly he’s golfing,
A mental pipsqueak.
Alt-president Chrump, historic disgrace.
I wish, I wish he’d go aways. 

The Orange Gas Cloud

No discernable substance, nor position of merit,
No long-term vision of what we all will inherit.

In the great big round world, not a whit of a care,
With the glaring exception, of the stuff he calls hair.

Nothing solid, nor useful, nor healthy exists,
Just pretense, barely wealthy, with enemy lists.

His “mind” changes direction, like the wind in a twister,
He’s hot for his daughter, but not for his sister.

Each word from his mouth, either lie or insult,
Loose cannon, with Bannon, we might die by your fault.

Every move he’s made seems unconstitutional,
Each idea in his head is simply delusional.

It is Chrump needs to be repealed, replaced,
And each change he has made, oh so quickly erased.

Alternative facts create his intractable bias,
A filthy, frayed rug is what he’ll always lie as.

Please, pack up your gold-plated things and just leave,
And take every lie that you’ve got up your sleeve.

So I say, Mr. Chrump, with all due disrespeck,
Your brain it is damaged, your ideas all are dreck.

Spend the rest of your days alone with your ego,
Build a wall to keep you fore’er in Mar-a-Lego.

We are working on digging up other great works of alternative literature, so stay tuned.

Ed Venture
Editor-in-chief

The Swamp is Draining Chrump

Telling Chrump From Shinola

May 24, 2017

A Chrump advisor told Politico, “He doesn’t really know any boundaries. He doesn’t think in those terms…He doesn’t sometimes understand the implications of what he’s saying.” Talk about understatement.

Pop Quiz:
Who said, “We can’t have someone in the Oval Office who doesn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘confidential’ or ‘classified.’”

          a) James Comey, one-time director of the FBI, fired from his job for doing his job
          b) Dick Cheney, former vice president/president, in reference to either George W. Bush or Barack Obama – sources are unsure and/or afraid to reveal which one
          c) Richard Nixon, disgraced ex-president, after five too many scotches
          d) Donald Chrump, who clearly does not know the meaning of ‘confidential’, ‘classified’, or any other word of greater than four letters, while on the campaign trail and constantly whining about Clinton’s emails, which were neither confidential nor classified, unlike the ‘highly classified’ information he passed on to Russian spies in the Oval Office.
          e) The answer is ‘d’, as if you didn’t know.  

Post Chrump Stress Disorder

During Chrump’s scorched earth campaign he said, “Hillary Clinton is unfit and unqualified to be the president of the United States. If Hillary is elected, she would be under protracted criminal investigation likely followed by the trial of a sitting president. That’s just what we need. The investigation will last a year, nothing will get done, the government will grind to a halt, and our country will continue to suffer.”  I must admit the scenario does sound oddly familiar. I cannot put my finger on it, but I am sure it will come to me.

There is great uncertainty in the West Wing as a result of all the investigations – Congress, the Senate, FBI, special prosecutor – who can keep up. Who is a person of interest, who is a suspect? Who will be FIRED? Nobody could have anticipated that a cadre of conmen, conspiracy aficionados and greedy bastards taking over the reins of power might wind up (or start out) running afoul of the law and possibly even the media. Rumors of major a shake-up in the White House abound as the wheels fall off the Access Chrumpywood bus. Will Reince Preibus be shown the door, or worse yet be forced to see Chrump naked? Will Steve Bannon be forced to remain Steve Bannon? Will Sean Spicer be sent on a one-way, all-expenses-paid cruise and fitted with cement slippers? Will Jared be able to bring peace to the Middle East, make great deals with China, revamp the federal government and the criminal justice system, solve the opioid crisis and keep his criminally insane father-in-law out of jail? Will Julian Assange replace Mike Pence? Will Donald finally marry Ivanka? The most stunning gossip in the beltway has it that Jared Kushner is planning to fire Donald Chrump. Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion, which will hopefully be very soon.

Speaking of which, many members of Chrump's staff infection worry their jobs will soon disappear. As one aide said, "The president goes through moods where sometimes he wants to blow everything up..." So this might be over sooner than we think...but not in the way we might like. 

I. Mangrey reporting. One day we will all look back on this and puke.

A Not-So-Natural Disaster Goes Global

Follow The Bouncing Bonehead

On The Road 

May 22, 2017

I know there are times when this blog makes it appear as though I am a bit put off, but I am always looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me. But, I gotta tell you, at this point I am having a difficult time finding the tunnel. Imagine the blowback if President Hillary Clinton had done even one of the just-slightly-fewer-than-infinite-number of insane and/or disastrous things Chrump has done in little over 100 days. The Republican’ts were already threatening to investigate her to death if she had won not just the popular vote but the antiquated Electoral College as well. They are singing a painfully off-key different tune since the guy they publicly hated right up until he was inaugurated took the reins.

Our Stooge-in-chief is embarrassing our nation, the people who voted for him and possibly even himself. And not just embarrassing like when you have a strip of toilet paper trailing from the heel of your shoe as you walk down the aisle at your wedding, but like standing at the altar where everyone can see the dark patch enveloping every square inch of your pants as your bladder shamelessly empties itself down to the last drop.

Can you pick the winner? The Electoral College didn’t.

Chrump is embarrassing our nation as diplomats and leaders the world over consider him a laughing stock. He is embarrassing his supporters by causing them to defend an absolutely incompetent idiot who knows nothing about how democracy works, how to manage classified information or apparently that Russia has been anything but a friend to the United States for some time now. They have to countenance a spoiled brat of a man who thinks nothing of grabbing them by the Ruskie. It is possible that Chrump is also embarrassing himself, but that is very unlikely given his utter lack of self awareness, introspection or sense of shame.

Radical Chumpist Turdism

He sure gave it to the Saudis…while he was on the campaign trail. But like every other discouraging (at best) word he spewed about every other leader (except of course Putin), while Chrump is a real tough guy from afar, once he is face-to-face, he is a wimpy little kiss-ass. After bowing down to the Saudi King – an act that drew apoplectic swooning from Republican’ts when Obama performed the same ritual (at least Obama did not take a walk in the park hand-in-hand with the Prince as did George W. Bush) – Chrump proceeded to turn the other cheeks and bend all the way over for the Saudis for the whole world to see. The only reason Chrump did not bow any lower is because he lives on fast food and thinks exercise is bad for you because he believes that “the human body is like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depletes.” The man makes Sarah Palin look like a genius.

“Don’t forget, there’s a big difference between kneeling
down and bending over.” Frank Zappa

The gutless wonder, who during the campaign could barely finish a sentence that wasn’t about building the wall, or crooked Hillary Clinton, without squealing about the importance of saying the magic words ‘radical Islamic terrorism’, said nothing of the sort during his address in Saudi Arabia. As Chrump has done when confronted with each and every world leader he trashed, The Orange Gas Cloud rolled over like one of those little bugs that curls up into a ball the moment you touch them. What happened to “Donald J. Chrump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States…yada, yada, yada”? What about when he said, “I think that Islam hates us”? Naturally, the American media once again made a pathetic fuss over Chrump’s ability to briefly affect a presidential demeanor while reading a bunch of words he does not even understand. This is like crediting a chimpanzee with the ability to practice law because some jackass dressed him in a tuxedo. SAD.

President Chrumpanzee*

The great deal maker gave the Saudis a great arms deal – $110B, the biggest ever – and the Saudis gave $100M to Ivanka’s “charity” in return. It’s good to be the kings. The math here is a bit fuzzy though. Chrump whined about how Iran is thwarting peace, but he…well, Jared brokered the huge sale of arms to Saudi Arabia. Now, correct me if I am mistaken, but aren’t arms used for warlike activities? And were not 16 of the 19 hijackers on 9/11 Saudis? Oh well, c’est la guerre I suppose. Meanwhile, the Saudis are buying up more and more of our country. America First, bitches.

Is America great again, or what??

Plausible deniability is a phrase often heard when talking about what presidents do and do not know in order to remain safe from things like prosecution should something unpleasant or, dare I say, inappropriate take place. In our new, improved alt-reality all we can see is extremely plausible idiocy. After kissing up to the Saudis, our Load and Monster went to Israel to damage some more global relationships in person. Hair Chrump took his left foot out of his mouth, but only so he could give the right one a turn. I know what you are thinking…Can’t he get both of his little feet into his big fat mouth at the same time? Again I refer you back to the incessant fast food consumption and the brilliant theory that exercise depletes one’s finite energy reserves, or precious bodily fluids or some such thing.

Hey, Look Over There

While Chrump is busy hiding overseas hoping everyone will forget about his tornado-like destruction of our democracy and its associated infrastructure, Congress is busy trying to figure out how to take health care away from as many people as possible. But not everyone, just the poor, the sick and the elderly. So, if you are elderly and rich, no problem. If you are sick and rich, no problem. If you are poor and rich, no problem.

Senate Republican’ts selected 13 of their caucus to re-craft the fake repeal-and-replace of Obamacare that the Republican’t House of Resentatives vomited into their laps. The 13 are no ordinary beings. Not only does each whiter-than-white member of this gaggle of geezers have a dick, he is a dick. These are the worst of the worst of what the 21st century has to offer. The health care plan that is likely to emerge from these minds will make the Death Star look like look like single-payer health care.

I am sure that Congress is also busy planning for what to do when all the investigations ramp up. Who will be left standing? Who will stand by their man? Who will save their own miserable hides?

Also bubbling up to the surface is Michael “Guilty-as-Sin” Flynn, who is refusing to provide subpoenaed records pertaining to his working for Putin and the Turkish government while in the employ of the federal government…of the United States, that is. As one might imagine, one Donald J. Chrump has weighed in on just such a topic:

I. Mangrey reporting.

*with sincerest apologies to Great Apes everywhere

The Chrump Has Hit the Fan

Disaster-in-chief

Nixonland
May 18, 2017

Many people are saying that Chrump’s firing of James Comey is reminiscent of Nixon’s Saturday Night Massacre, when the Dick fired the special prosecutor investigating Watergate. The Nixon Library thinks Chrump is worse than Nixon.

By now everyone is aware that our so-called president is purging the government of anyone who is investigating his web of connections to Russian bankers, mobsters and political operatives. The Russians are literally laughing at us over Comey’s firing. Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov is laughing. Putin is laughing. Hours after firing Comey because of his investigation into Chrump’s Russia ties, Putin thought it would be a good time for Chrump to yuck it up with Lavrov and Ambassador Kislyak in the Oval Office. Kislyak is besties with Jeff Sessions, Mike Flynn, Paul Manafort, Carter Page, and who know how many other Chrumpies, all of whom lied about spending quality time with the Kiss Man, as I assume they refer to him. Chrump, for his part, allowed no American press to witness his reunion with his good buddies from Hammer-and-Sickle town. He did permit Russian press to join in the fun. While in some ways this might appear inappropriate and troubling, it might be safer having Russian operatives in the White House than having Chrump there.

Just in case the Russians were unable to plant listening devices, Chrump simply shared highly classified information with Lavrov and Kislyak…because, to paraphrase the world’s biggest idiot, “When you’re president they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the pussy, or disclose classified information. Whatever you want.” This sensitive information was intended to remain classified by the country of origin (by most accounts – Israel), and had not been shared with our allies…or Congress. According to Rep. Barbara Comstock (R-VA), “We need to have immediate classified briefings on what occurred at this meeting so that Congress can at least know as much as Russian leaders.” Who knows what damage will ensue thanks to Der Furor’s lack of intelligence? That, I can’t tell you. But, I can give you hint who doesn’t give a shit either way – none other than the orange-colored, plastic-haired, five-slices-short-of-a-loaf, sociopath, alt-president called Chrump.

Lavrov, Chrump and Kislyak appear to be enjoying a heartless
laugh, but is Chrump laughing or soiling his diaper?

 

Chrump’s recent firing of FBI Director James Comey raised many questions and eyebrows as America sinks deeper and deeper into Post Chrump Stress Disorder (PCSD). Der Furor told Lester Holt, “When I decided [to fire Comey] I said to myself, this thing with Chrump and Russia is a made up story.” How the hell would he know? All that hairspray has him so high he cannot remember which side of which issue he is on, or what day it is. Chrump doesn’t just talk about himself in the third person, he talks to other people about talking to himself about himself in the third person. If his head were screwed on any less tightly, it would just be a Macy’s balloon tethered to Jell-O-like blob of human protoplasm.

Does giving classified information to our nemesis qualify
as “extremely careless” or is that classified information

Are we there yet?

H.R. Bluff’n’stuff

Meanwhile, Chrump has implied that he taped a conversation between Comey and himself. Chump invited Comey to the White House to demand Comey’s loyalty, an issue that apparently arose repeatedly. According to reliable sources, Comey refused to pledge loyalty to anything but whatever truth emerges in any investigation. The Ignoramus-in-chief still believes he can do whatever he wants – including firing anyone who gets close to the truth about his duplicity…or disagrees with him in any way. Soon the only ones left in the White House will be Chrump, Ivanka and Jared. That will be a great day, the best day, in making-America-great-again history.

Chrump believes that by removing the head of the FBI investigation into his ties with Russia, he can bring an end to the whole “Russia thing”. While Sean Spicer was hiding from reporters “among the bushes”, his stand-in said, “Look, we want this to come to its conclusion with integrity [Peace with honor, anyone?] and we think that by removing Director Comey, we’ve taken steps to make that happen.” Sarah Huckabee (yes, that Huckabee) Sanders (NO, not that Sanders) then turned tail and fled the briefing room faster than Chrump’s tiny little grabby hands backstage at one of his beauty pageants. One wonders just how long Hair Chrump can continue to try to sweep The Russia Thing under the rug on his head, as 78 percent (and growing) of Americans believe an independent investigation must be done.

Chrump is on a roll, and not just like to world’s largest glob of sun-ripened Spam on a bun. He is spitting out executive orders like the Deepwater Horizon well after the April 20, 2010 blowout that spewed oil into the Gulf of Mexico for almost three months. Chrump still thinks he is running one of his bullshit businesses where no one ever questions his hair-brained squawking and rip-off artistry.

El Chrumpidente

 

It is rumored* that Chrump will be signing an executive order stating that, “From this day on, the official language of San Marcos will be Swedish. Silence! In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check. Furthermore, all children under 16 years old are now... 16 years old!” Many people are saying that this language was taken directly from the movie Bananas, but there is no proof of such an absurd accusation.

I. Mangrey reporting. Are you moaning with me or at me?              

                               
*beginning right now

A Boy And His D'oh

The President’s Brief Day

The Vast Expanse Between Chrump’s Ears
May 17, 2017

Reuters reports that Chrump is more likely to read national security briefing materials if his name is mentioned in as many paragraphs as possible. It was also reported that he still prefers one-page memos and visual aids.

According to Talking Points Memo, [o]ne unnamed source told Reuters that since Trump “keeps reading if he’s mentioned” in briefing materials, officials on the National Security Council have learned to insert the President’s name into “as many paragraphs as we can.”

Alternative sources inform us that the “president” prefers small words and as many pictures as possible. It is common knowledge in the West Wing that Chrump gets more from the pictures than the words.

Paying Attention has obtained an exclusive leak of Chrump’s most recent daily…actually, in this case, bi-weekly intelligence brief. Our informant, Cheap Gloat, has promised periodic updates on the inner workings of The Orange Gas Cloud and what is left of the White House; apparently Chrump has been throwing dishes, smashing sculptures and ripping priceless portraits off the walls and ramming his head through them when he gets angry, which we are told comprises 90 percent of his waking hours, when he is not watching television or signing his name on any uncluttered surface…the rest of his time of course is spent tweeting.

May 15, 2017

 

“Dear Mr. President Chrump sir. Please be advised that this briefing for Donald Chrump is simply to advise Mr. Chrump that the North Koreans, who do not like Mr. Chrump, are planning to launch a big missile.

This missile could very well have negative impact on Mr. Chrump and possibly other people, including Ivanka and Jared. Mr. Chrump’s country, which is America, and loves him very much, might also have bad things happen. Russia could also get hurt. We feel that these bad things would make Mr. Chrump very sad.

Thank you Mr. President Chrump sir for taking time out of your very busy day. We know that being president is very difficult Mr. Chrump – though not as difficult for you as it would be for other people who are not Donald Chrump because you are very strong and very, very smart – and we are grateful that you would spare a few minutes to read these messages. We know that you, Donald Chrump, do not really need to read any of this because you are so very smart and presidential.

We just wanted you to have this so that maybe you would tell us what we should do with this information. If you have any questions we would be happy to answer them, even though you know so much more about these things than we do. Thank you again Mr. President Chrump sir. Please let us know if there are any particular nice things you would like us to say about you Mr. President Chrump sir. We know very well how much you hate any kind of intelligence. Boy, do we know. Nothing in the history of humankind has ever been more obvious.  We will try not to bother you again with these silly briefings unless it is absolutely necessary Mr. President Chrump sir.”

Sorry you had to see that, but we felt the public had a right to know. We will of course keep you updated as conditions deteriorate.

I. Mangrey reporting.

A Pence For Your Thoughts

Things You Need to Know About Soon-To-Be-President Mike Pence

The Wall between Church and State
May 12, 2017

While I take a few days to process the Watergate Cover-up 2.0 – or as it will soon be known, Don Chrump’s Comey-over – let me whet your whistle with what is behind Door #2. Yes, that’s right; you’ve won a 165-week joy ride with none other than The Man From Sad – the homophobic, Cro-Magnon-who-cannot-have-lunch-with-a-woman-unless-his-wife-is-in-the-room (one presumes pleasuring herself), and soon-to-be-theocratic ruler of the country formerly known as America – Mike Pence. Sure, he looks inocuous. In fact, in most lighting he is barely visible, but his religious fanaticism, once let loose in the White House, will make you see all manner of things better left unseen. In just a few short months he will become the first un-elected president since Gerald Ford…I mean George W. Bush…I mean Donald Chrump. After that it is anyone’s guess how long our country will even vaguely resemble a diverse, democratic, secular society. Thanks Obama.

Radical Christian Extremist

Mike Pence frequently and fervently attacked what Republican’ts insisted were Hillary Clinton’s emails of mass destruction on the campaign trail. How dare she use a private server and email account to conduct official business. Pence was not part of Chrump’s actual “Lock her up” chorus, but his feelings on the matter were clear enough. He described as "troubling" and "incomprehensible" the FBI's decision not to bring charges against Clinton for her heinous electronic transgressions. Former FBI Director James Comey, no Clinton fan, infamously shot off his mouth to a Senate committee, opining that Hillary had behaved “negligently” with her email (This would later cause him to become “slightly nauseous.), after testifying in no uncertain terms that there was insufficient evidence to bring charges against Clinton. Funny thing; Indiana Gov. Mike Pence – who happens to be the same Mike Pence who is now president-in-waiting – used his personal AOL (Really? AOL? LOL) account to conduct some amount of government business, including homeland security issues.

Those in the know claim that security-conscious users should avoid AOL Mail. This might be the reason Pence is withholding, or orchestrating the withholding of, some number of emails from his AOL account to this day. Pence insists that his use of a personal account to conduct government business is legal, which is true. You know, because he is not Hillary Clinton. However, his behavior seems surprisingly negligent to me. Oh, and did I mention that his AOL account was hacked? I should have. Unfortunately, I have to admit that it is troubling and incomprehensible for charges not to be brought against Pence for putting our nation at risk with his cavalier use of emails.

Pence tried and failed to get Planned Parenthood defunded in Congress, but he succeded in defunding it as governor of Indiana. He was also accused of using the Indiana State Police to suppress African American votes.

More recently Pence lied to reporters about not knowing that Mike Flynn was cavorting with the Russians…and Turkey. Pence was in charge of the Chrump transition team and undoubtedly knew of Flynn’s dalliances, double-dealing and douchebaggery. They don’t call him the Swamp Marsmallow for nothing. (Disclaimer: I am not sure anyone actually calls him the Swamp Marshmallow, but it is never too late to start.)

Mike Pence, official portrait

Pence’s Year of Living Stupidly

In 2000 Pence, then running for an open U.S. House seat, proposed using HIV/AIDS funding for “gay conversion therapy”, which has been thoroughly debunked. Gov. Pence signed into law legislation that allowed businesses, organizations and individuals to discriminate against people on religious grounds. This of course was easily seen-through window dressing for anti-gay legislation. He not only supported legislation banning same-sex marriage, but wanted to jail same-sex couples who dared apply for a marriage license. Pence also opposed repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell” and railed against the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes bill. This is just the tip of the Pence anti-gay hate-berg. He may be a toxic homophobe, but at least Pence was willing to stand up for another group that takes a great deal of abuse from people everywhere – the tobacco industry.

Also in 2000, Pence came out against a proposed settlement between government and the tobacco industry, because it was “big government” interference in people’s lives – you know like same sex marriage or abortion rights. He wrote: “Time for a quick reality check. Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn’t kill.” Pence received at least $13,000 in contributions from tobacco-friendly groups, including a $1,000 check from R.J. Reynolds, who praised the Indiana governor for his “position on issues important to our company.” While there is no proof that Pence went on to say that smoking is better for you than being gay, let us assume that he did.

He is everywhere and nowhere at the same time

 

Chrump, The Orange Gas Cloud, has no substance, no actual policy positions, and just spews fumes wherever he goes. He will take any position that keeps him on television and makes people who do not know any better yell, “Lock her up!”, “Build the wall!”, or “Ban the Muslims!” or just simply “Chrump, Chrump, Chrump!” Pence on the other hand is a seasoned Washington insider. He has very consistent positions some of which I have mentioned above and others I am sure we would never want to know let alone lie under. He is likely more dangerous that his happy-go-fucky boss, whose only concerns are his popularity, his ability to keep showing up on the TV and, most important of all, his “hair”. Pence also knows better than to stay up all night watching the likes of Sean Hannity, Fux and Friends, Alex Jones and Breitbart, and then tweeting the most pathetic drivel one might expect after a week-long bender, let alone from the (gulp) president of the United States. The imminent demise of Donald Chrump should not be hoped for too vigorously because the second-in-command is, in many ways, the evil of two lessers. I say, “Keep him in, keep him in, keep him in!”…until just before the mid-term elections next year. I want every voter to be thinking about Donald J. Chrump when the rush to the voting booth to repeal and replace Congress next November. With any luck he will not have started Word War III before then.

I like him better as a gas, not a mushroom cloud.

 

I. Mangrey reporting. There is no easy way out.                                                                    

Full of Chrump

Colbert, Comey and Come-On-Already

Midnight in America
May 9, 2017

Just so we are clear, Stephen Colbert is being investigated for making a rude joke – very late at night after all the young children have gone to bed, but the old, cranky children are up searching for off-color jokes that clash with their pathetic sensitivities and so-called sensibilities, about which they will complain to the authorities. Meanwhile, Mike Flynn’s lying, possible treason and who-knows-what-else, is being coddled by the so-called president and the attorney general (who lied under oath during his confirmation hearing). Add to this, the fact that then-president Barack Obama warned Chrump – on November 10, 2016 – not to hire Mike Flynn, who Obama hired and then fired, for being annoying…and, oh yeah, insane.

In addition to Obama’s in-person warning, then-Acting Attorney General Sally Yates, just before getting the boot from Hair Chrump, also warned the Chrump White House that Flynn was a major security risk and should not be given high-level security clearance due to the fact that the Russians had leverage over the guy Obama hired, fired and warned Chrump not to hire. Despite Chrump’s attempt at tampering with the Senate hearing, Yates made mincemeat out of the Republican’t meatheads. Yates testified, “You don’t want the National Security Advisor to be in a position where the Russians have leverage over him.” Sally Yates told the White House counsel – one week into the alt-president’s term – that Mike Flynn could potentially be “blackmailed by the Russians.” Who knew? Sally Yates, that’s who. And she immediately told the White House. So, we know what the president knew and when he knew it. What we do not know is when he stopped knowing it. In any event there is no surprise in learning that Chrump ignored vital information coming to him via a black man and a woman. Naturally Chrump continues to blame Obama for the whole thing, and continues to call Flynn a “good man”.

How many fingers can Chrump give America?

 

We Don’t Have Dick Nixon To Kick Around Anymore,
We’ve Got Something More Kickable

Today’s big news might be Chrump’s latest Richard Nixon impersonation. Taking a play out of the Watergate cover-up playbook, Der Furor has fired FBI Director James Comey. In the lead-up to the election-that-ended-democracy-in-America, Comey was the goose that laid Chrump’s golden egg, but then Comey pretended that he did not sabotage Clinton’s campaign and the very, very thin-skinned Chrump felt betrayed. Comey also angered The Orange Gas Cloud at least in part, one assumes, because he failed to “Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!” There is one other possible reason for Comey’s demise, the fact that Comey was heading up the investigation that will – hopefully no sooner than September 2018 – bring a fitting end to the Chrump Era. There was no plausible reason offered, so my recommendation is for an immediate and wholly irresponsible tsunami of wild, if not borderline hallucinatory speculation. The White Orange House could not be reached for comment. Keep your eyes on Twitter for official word.

Next, Chrump will attempt to fire the evidence and the facts while the cry for a special prosecutor-to-be-fired-later wages on, forestalling the inevitable, disgraceful, hilarious, well-deserved, humiliating, yet depressingly unsatisfying impeachment and/or graceless exit of the worst president, not just of America, but of possibly, I think, the entire world. Not even a very good brain or all the best words in the world will save El Chrumpo from his fate. And nothing will save America from whatever Medieval Mike Pence has been hiding up his Taliban-like sleeve.

James Comey makes it three highly placed Justice Department officials Chrump has axed because they were investigating dozens of people closely associated with Chrump, many of whom are part of his inner circle and probably Chrump personally for inappropriate relations with Russians. First was Preet Bharara (U.S. Attorney from New York, was overseeing investigations into Russian money laundering, Fux News and Turkish corruption - probably involving Mike Flynn), followed by Sally Yates, who is currently back to bite Chrump and Senate Republican't foolish enough to attempt to discredit her. These stupid white men just do not seem to get that they cannot hold a candle to the women trying to hold them accountable. And if not for Comey, Hillary Clinton would be eating all of their lunches every day until they all went scurrying for cover like cockroaches when the light is switched on. 

I. Mangrey reporting.