Big Little Man

Some Blight Reading

In the path of the storm (Not Harvey)

August 28, 2017

He’s just tall, that’s just about all. And ignorant. He is also arrogant and petty. And horribly abusive; let’s not forget that. Oh, and I almost left out – pathologically dishonest, can’t forget that one. Alright, so he’s not just tall, he has a number of other traits. He is a thug, a crook and a racist. And he is not just doing this to be popular. Chrump’s father was arrested at a Klan rally. The Chrumps discriminated against minorities looking to live in their buildings in the ‘70s. Other than that, I hear he never beats his wife…physically.

Jack of All Tirades

When Chrump is not busy smacking the Earth around, he is frantically working (such as it is) on protecting white people, including Nazis, the KKK, white supremacists, white nationalists – many sides. Many sides. Sticking up for these folks is just the beginning. He gave a big wet kiss to radical white terrorists by pardoning “Sheriff” Joe Arpaio who was convicted of criminal contempt of court as the crowning achievement of years as one of America’s most racist sheriffs. In case anyone was unsure of Chrump’s support for fascism and racism, he made his position crystal-clear by pardoning Arpaio.

Others are finally accepting that Chrump is exactly what he has been showing us that he is. Many people are beginning to publicly express their chagrin at our alt-right president. Rabbis who participate in an annual Jewish High Holiday phone call with the President have decided to cancel. The main reason? Because he loves the KKK, Nazis and White Nationalists and has filled the White House with these folks. But the official reason: because he supports "those who advocate anti-Semitism, racism and xenophobia."

One need only win the Electoral College vote by amassing less than 80,000 strategically placed votes (via continued massive minority voter suppression) while losing the popular vote by over 3,000,000) to obtain all the powers and privileges that granted to the presidency.

Hurricane Harvey, though devastating, seems to have spared Texas its worst. Unfortunately, Washington, DC remains bogged down in a Category 5 deluge of hot air known as Global Depression Donald. With sustained destructive tweets of up to 140 characters, and filth storms gusting up to 200 miles an hour. Of the two storms, recovery from Harvey will be much easier.

In one day Chrump pardoned Arpaio, doubled down on screwing over transgender people in the military, and jettisoned another white supremacist or nazi, or whatever Sebastian Gorka is (while leaving his equally dangerous wife in her job at Homeland Security). Chrump attempted to time all of this to go under the radar by doing it, not only on a Friday, but the Friday on which Hurricane Harvey was bearing down on Texas. He did wish everyone in Texas “good luck” as he ran away from the press after exiting Air Force One.

The good news is…

I. Mangrey reporting.

Executive Disorders

Let Lying Dogs Sleep…Please?

August 25, 2017

Unless you have been enjoying your Rent-a-Coma, you got to see a president of the United States repeatedly defend Robert E. Lee, Nazis and white supremacists. To be fair, Chrump comes by it honestly. His father took part in at least one Klan rally, back before America got Chrumped and they had to wear hoods in public. Thanks to Chrump’s latest attempts to prove he is a racist hate-monger, I began thinking about where he started his run for the presidency. No, I’m not talking about the infamous escalator descent, culminating in his calling Mexicans criminals and rapists, though some of them, he assumed, were good people. I am talking about Chrump’s faux obsession with Barack Obama’s birth certificate. 

Many Chrump supporters are beginning to consider that maybe they made a mistake voting for an Orange Gas Cloud as president. Some are wondering if something more substantive might have been a better idea. Oh well, c’est la WTF. I am hearing people who are shocked, shocked I tell you, about all the lies they are hearing from the classless conman they chose. Nobody could have anticipated that we would be in such a dire situation with the phoniest person on the planet running the country. Nobody that is, with the possible exception of a substantial majority of Americans back in November 2016 – a majority that has now reached almost monumental proportions. I know hundreds of people who were screaming this at the top of their lungs for about 16 months; a dozen or so of them were me. It is so strange because Chrump seemed like such a nice man when he was calling Mexicans criminals and rapists, and bragging about sexually assaulting women. I can see the appeal. As it turns out, Chrump did not start lying and making stuff up only after he started running for president. There were subtle hints in his past, which one could be excused for not noticing if one had one’s pointy little head almost impossibly positioned within the recesses of one’s poop chute.

Birther of a Nation

Chrump’s most high profile insane fabricating involved his incessant mewling about Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Most of those still clinging to their love of Chrump remain convinced that Obama was born outside the U.S. Many of these special Americans also believe that the Earth is flat, the moon is made of cheese, and Elvis is still alive. I could be wrong about this, they might believe that Elvis is made of cheese and the moon is alive. The majority of them also insist that they were abducted by aliens.

Actual picture of Chrump lying.*

 

March 28, 2011 Chrump said of Obama, "Why doesn't he show his birth certificate? There's something on that birth certificate that he doesn't like." Chrump was, as always, talking about himself. Why doesn’t he show his taxes? There’s something in those taxes that he doesn’t like. Can you say Robert Mueller?

The ‘extremely credible source’ was in Chrump’s head,
not exactly credible.

 

March 30, 2011 Chrump lied that he had personally sent a team of investigators to Hawai’i, "I have people that have been studying [Obama's birth certificate] and they cannot believe what they're finding...I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a real possibility...then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics." Strangely, he was again talking about himself. You can believe me (I’m lying, but you can believe me) when I say that I have people that have been studying [Chrump’s taxes] and they cannot believe what they’re finding…I would like to have him show his taxes, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can’t, if he can’t, if he didn’t pay his taxes or was up to his orange fluff in Russian money, which are real possibilities…then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics.

Chrump must have gotten a snootful of fumes from Sarah Palin before saying on January 6, 2016, "Who knows about Obama? ... Who knows, who knows? Who cares right now?... I have my own theory on Obama. Someday I will write a book, I will do another book, and it will do very successfully." Now many people are saying, “Who knows about Chrump? … Who knows, who knows? Who cares right now? …I have my own theory on Chrump. Someday I will write a book, I will do another book, and it will do very successfully.” My book will undoubtedly do much successfullier than Chrump’s.

Chrump pushed for revolution over something that happened
 only in his head. Now he is doing it from the White House.

Delusional? Lying? Both?

 

 

Fux and Frauds (The ‘and’ is redundant)

One other good thing about the investigation of Chrump and Russia. It has been a boon to job creation. We may never know exactly how many hundreds if not thousands of people are being employed by Robert Mueller to dig into the Chrump morass. Our investigation of the investigation revealed that over 100 operatives are combing the globe looking for Chrump’s birth certificate…I mean tax returns. We have people that have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding. There will be a big, amazing announcement in just a few days, or maybe weeks or months or possibly a year or two.

____________________
*Technically, every picture of Chrump shows him lying.

I. Mangrey reporting. The past is right behind us, calling us home.                           

                                                                                

A Total Eclipse of Humanity

The Darkest Moments Are Still Ahead

August 22, 2017

I have hate to harp on this, but the Chrump train keeps stopping at my station. And it’s not like it pulls up and stops in a civilized manner. It careens at unsafe speeds, rarely stays on the tracks and constantly runs people over, leaving screaming children, cursing adults and extensive property damage in its wake.

President Jack T. Ripper*, as part of his ongoing effort to protect his precious bodily fluids and despoil ours, had his host of wraiths do away with the federal advisory panel on climate assessment. Chrump is hell-bent on showing 97% of the scientific community and a huge swath of the global population that the climate does not exist and Earth is nothing more than a place for a pseudo-rich asshole to build decadent, classless hotels and golf courses…with Russian money.

Speaking of what remains of the environment, many people are saying that there was a total eclipse of the Sun this week. Our joke president spent a rare moment outdoors not golfing to join with the hoi polloi in experiencing the celestial event. Unlike most people, Chrump immediately looked at the Sun with his naked eyes and his very small, rapidly deteriorating brain.

In the picture above Chrump seemed astonished to discover that there was a giant ball of light in the sky. “Hey, look up there. Look what I found! This is amazing. I bet no one knew that thing was up there. This is a sign of what a great job I’m doing. Look, it’s orange like me. I’m calling it the Great Ball of Chrump. No other president has ever had anything like this before. Obama never had one of these. I’m making the sky great again.” As Chrump was preparing to look directly at the eclipsing Sun (see below), an aide shouted, “Don’t look!” But, the permanently mentally-eclipsed Chrump looked right at the Sun. Apparently, spray tan does not make you smarter.

As the Moon made its way across the Sun blocking out its light in the middle of the afternoon, Chrump cowered, blubbering on his tiny hands and knees. “l told you this environment thing is just a hoax. I’ve always said that. Now we’re all gonna die. This is not my fault. Damn you Obama.”

Tune in next time when we learn that Chrump, in an effort to bake in his “tan” had a wall of spent nuclear fuel rods installed in the Oval Office. Not that he spends much time there, but he wants to leave his mark on Washington.

I. Mangrey reporting.

________________________
*If you have not seen Dr. Strangelove lately, or at all, check it out. Truly a movie for our times.

Propaganda For Dummies...Well, One Dummy

Speak To Me Only With Thine Lies

August 18, 2017

Twice a day since the beginning of the Trump administration, the president has delivered unto him a special folder. The first arrives around 9:30 a.m., after Chrump has excreted his morning tweets, and the follow-up, around 4:30 p.m. These folders are filled with admiring tweets, transcripts of flattering interviews, and flattering photos of Der Furor – you know, fake news. The only feedback the White House communications shop, which prepares the folder, has ever gotten in all these months is: “It needs to be more fucking positive.” It is easy to see the problem here; no one fawns over Donald Chrump as much as Donald Chrump. That I can tell you. Believe me.

Some time ago this president told us, “You know, I'm, like, a smart person. I don't have to be told the same thing in the same words every single day for the next eight years. Could be eight years — but eight years. I don't need that. But I do say, ‘If something should change, let us know.’” So, being briefed on vital security matters of national and global importance is a waste of his time, but being showered with cherry-picked (fake) praise never gets old for this doofus.

A Chrump confidant said, “I call the president the two-minute man. The president has patience for a half-page.” That is, when it comes to matters not pertaining to how terrific he is. He is happy to have his considerable ass kissed all day long – or at least twice a day. Chrump is like, a smart person, but he is more like a toxic egomaniac who cannot hear enough praise – twice a day…every day…for seven months…so far. Maybe eight years?

The Man Who Loved Himself Too Much

Some examples of the positive news Chrump receives twice a day, known by some of the staff as “the propaganda document.” I would call it “the pathetic document.” The most insecure man in the world needs to see piles of happy talk just to keep him awake, let alone interested in being president. One cannot help but wonder what will happen when there is not enough “more fucking positive” worship to fill the yawning abyss where his soul should be.

As a patriotic American I feel I must do my part to keep up the spirits of the man with his tiny little finger on the nuclear trigger:

I hope this keeps him happy, or at least distracted. Hey, I’m trying my best.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Shootout At The OKKK Corral

Control-Alt-Right-Delete

Charlottesville, VA

August 16, 2017

Once again, I find it incredibly difficult to decide where to focus. Do I need to keep abreast of the ongoing, burgeoning investigation(s) into Chrump’s ties to Russia? Should I be concerned about Chrump’s war of words of war with Kim Jong Un, as the two engage in their nuclear saber dance? Or should I turn my attention to the so-called president of the United States coming to the aid and comfort of white supremacists?

Chrump joins other "very fine people" in Charlottesville

 

Our Racist-in-chief thinks that Robert E. Lee and “Stonewall” Jackson, are on equal footing with Thomas Jefferson and George Washington in the history of the United States of America. Chrump has no knowledge of American history. He has no idea what the alt-right is. He parrots alt-right talking points, including the use of the phrase “alt-left”. This fake president is bending over backwards – no small feat for a beast that probably cannot reach down to tie its own shoes – to apologize for the worst of American society.

Many people (though not on both sides) wish they could notsee their president talking out of his ass like this. It is not OKKK for Chrump to pretend that anti-hate protesters are just as much to blame as Nazis, Confederacy obsessionists, Klansmen, and people from many sides of the racist spectrum – many of whom proudly displayed their ‘Make America Great Again’ hats. Only one side was hell bent on violent confrontation – armored, armed with guns and torches and hate, and Chrump hats.

Ex-grand-lizard of the KKK, David Duke was very proud of how his president handled all the whining about the hate march in Charlottesville. This vein of racism and hatred is nothing new in this country, but at least it has had to hide its ugly face for quite a while, that is until the Orange Gas Cloud rode that escalator to the podium where he announced his fetid candidacy and pronounced that Mexicans were “criminals and rapists.” Chrump has much harsher words for Mexicans than he has for white supremacists. Chrump campaigned on violence, hatred and ignorance and swept the alt-right demographic.

This is the great America Chrump wants to bring back –
the one his father loved so much.
Fred Chrump is the third from the left, fourth row.

Donald Chrump’s great-again America. What? No pitchforks?

 

Chrump is shedding supporters faster than Antarctica is shedding ice. He still has his share of immovable fans, most of whom are pictured above. Unsurprisingly, gutless albino worm Mike Pence stands by his boss like a loyal soldier…just following orders. Chrump’s new Chief-of-stiff, John Kelly is just watching Chrump be Chrump, seemingly unable to hold back the tide of feces any better than a wall of chicken wire can stop a raging river.

Emphasis on Delete

I remember thinking that Nixon was the worst of the worst. Not that those who followed were anything to write home about, but then it seemed that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney had surpassed Nixon for horror. I though Bush/Cheney had taken us to rock-bottom. Chump is making all previous rock-bottoms look like Shangri-La. During the Watergate dust-up White House Counsel John Dean described the cover-up as a “cancer close to the presidency.” Right now the president is a cancer on the nation.

I. Mangrey reporting. SAD.

The (White) Race to The Bottom

Unite the Wrong

August 13, 2017

Well, this just happened.

Protesting in Charlottesville, VA’s Emancipation Park*, by the statue of Robert E. Lee – just that sink in for a moment – a torch wielding, let’s say gathering, of angry white (supremacist) people not-so-peaceably assembled to stand up for white power. First, imagine a crowd of black men doing that. Second, imagine a crowd of black men doing that. The police stood by as the, let’s say all white mob, chanted nazi and other slogans as they confronted an anti-racist protest. The violence culminated, for now, with a white terrorist taking a play out of the ISIS playbook, plowing his car through the anti-hate crowd, killing three and injuring dozens.

A dozen white nationalist terror groups claimed sponsorship of the “Unite the Right” rally. Some were simply local racists who miss the good old days of the Confederacy. Others included out-of-town Nazis, armed and ready for some good old-fashioned mayhem. Also in attendance was former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke who said, “We are determined to take our country back. We are going to fulfill the promises of Donald Trump. That’s what we believed in. That’s why we voted for Donald Trump, because he said he’s going to take our country back.” Duke also called the racist hate-a-palooza “a turning point”.

America, August 12, 2017. Two thousand and seventeen.

Thanks to Chrump (and others of course) America is so great already that these torch carrying gentlemen don’t even need to wear their hoods. Make America White Again. Chrump addressed the nation as if he was a child reading someone else’s book report on a book he never even heard of. When will this president say the words Radical White Terrorism? What is he afraid of…losing his base?

Springtime for Chrumpler
Just be stupid, not a smartie, come and join Der Furor’s party.

Der Furor was quick to absolve himself of blame. He read the following words, “We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence on many sides, on many sides.” Many sides? How many are there? It has been going on for a long time in our country – not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. It has been going on for a long, long time. It has no place in America.” Except that it has a prominent place in America. And you “sir” have done everything in your power to aid and abet its most recent ascendance. You have helped make the world safe for assholes, inflaming hatred throughout your life, campaigning on it, bringing it lock, stock and orange barrel into the People’s House, and packing your administration with bigots, racists and ignorance. Some might see this as deplorable.

___________________

*Formerly Robert E. Lee Park, with the statue of its namesake scheduled to be removed by popular consent

I. Mangrey reporting. Deplorable is as deplorable does.
                                                                              

                                                                                        

Dredging Up the Present

Who You Gonna Believe, Me or Your Lyin’ Skies

The never-promised Rose Garden
August 12, 2017

In a hastily called address in the Rose Garden, Chrump announced, “I have big news. This might be the biggest news in the history of non-fake news. This I can tell you. I have it on good authority – and I know the best, smartest people – I can now announce the sky is not blue. This whole blue sky stuff is just fake science.”

Face redder than usual, “hair” sprayed into an impenetrable solid, and gasping for air every two or three words, he added, “I am tired of hearing so many people obsessed with the hoax that the sky is blue. I know blue when I see it and I’m not seeing it. All these scientists, what do they know? I know more than all the scientists. My dad studied science. I didn’t have to. Very good genes in this pretty head of mine. I know how to make great deals. Just the other day I made a great deal with Russia, Poland and Mexico. And the president of Canada took out a full-page ad saying what a great deal it was. I can’t tell you anything about the deal, but you can trust me. Believe me. Great deal. Your grandchildren will be talking about this deal. I can’t even believe what a great deal this is, and I wrote The Art of The Deal*, so I should know. And I know exactly what color the sky is and it’s not blue. That I can tell you. That...I can tell you. I will now be taking questions. You in the fake media are welcome ask me anything, but I will not be answering. I will only be taking questions. I will go and think them over when I have some free time. Presidents are very busy. Very busy. I am doing so many amazing things. You have no idea. Maybe you should be looking into Hillary Clinton’s missing emails. She is not busy at all, since she lost the election. Bigly. Very Bigly. Did you even see that map. It was really, really red. Greatest election ever.” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your president of the Untied States. Let me know how that all works out. I’m going with Rent-A-Coma.

This might be a good time for Chrump to start drinking.

I. Mangrey reporting. May the Farce be with you.

___________________

*He did not write The Art of The Deal – probably never read it either.

This Guy Is a Crook

I Come to Pile On Chrump, Not to Praise Him

Russiagate Hotel

August 9, 2017

As Resignation Day(s) 2017 fades into the sunset, please enjoy the following quote, and pray to the god of your choice that we have an even better resignation – maybe the best ever – before the calendar brings us back to Resignation Day(s) 2018. Here’s wishing you and yours, if nothing else in these deplorable times, a moment’s peace.

“I would like to add a personal word with regard to an issue that has been of great concern to all Americans over the past year. I refer of course to the investigation of the so-called Watergate affair. I believe the time has come to bring the investigation, and the other investigations of this matter, to an end. One year of Watergate is enough.”

                 Richard M. Nixon, State of the Union Address, January 1974

It was not enough for many Americans, including me.

Grating Expectations

How appropriate that Chrump should speak at the commissioning of the USS Gerald R. Ford. Chrump no doubt considers Ford one of the greatest presidents of all time. No president ever did as much for democracy, the Constitution and the America people as when Gerald R. Ford, un-elected president, with even less of the popular vote than Chrump, appointed by the man who needed his pardon, did pardon his benefactor Richard Nixon.

“I am proud to be with you today to launch this great boat, named for a great, great president – Gerald R. Ford. Many people don’t know this, but Ford was actually not elected president. Did you know this? I did, but many people did not know this. He did not even win the Electoral College vote, which I won by the biggest margin of all time. It was incredible. Believe me. You won’t see that in the dishonest fake media. Gerald Ford did one of the most incredible things ever done by any president. He did one of the greatest presidential pardons of all time. Back then, the fake news and the fake Senate sub-committee, led by the fake Sam Ervin, destroyed the presidency of a great man – Richard Nixon. Nixon was very honored to meet me a number of years ago and we became very good friends. Ford did a terrific pardon for Nixon. I can tell you now that I will be doing even better pardons than Ford ever did. Maybe a big boat will be named after me, once history realizes what an amazing president I am being. My pardon will be bigger and much, much better than what Ford did. I will be pardoning so many people. So many very good people. People like my son, who is a very good boy, Don, Jr. – but not Eric. There is no excuse for Eric. I will also be doing an excellent pardon for my beautiful daughter, who I love very much – Ivanka – but not Tiffany; I’m not even sure she’s really my daughter. Also, I will be doing a very big pardon for the man I trust to have sex with my Ivanka, since I am not supposed to be doing that with her…though I sure would like to. Know what I mean? But only if she was not my daughter...or if no one was watching.” Chrump babbled on and on for another hour or so and even those who have studied the transcripts have no idea what the hell he was talking about most of the time. The rest of the time they were scared to death.

I am a crook. So sue me.

Chrump threatened that he might have tapes in order to intimidate a witness. Nixon had tapes but chose not to brag about them on Twitter. Nixon was so intent on keeping his tapes secret that he did everything in his power to deny their existence, going so far as to erase over 18 minutes of the juiciest tidbits.

Neither man had a firm grip on reality. Both men had volcanic hatred of their fellow man. And both men were vengeful sociopaths. Chrump called the media the “enemy of the American people.” Nixon had a similar assessment of the media, “Never forget, the press is the enemy…Write that on a blackboard 100 times and never forget it.”

 

Nixon’s Committee to Re-Elect the President, which his people called CREEP (I guess irony did not exist in the 1970s) was not satisfied that their man was miles ahead in his re-election bid in 1972. Interesting historical footnote: CREEP, it turned out was a much better acronym than the originally planned – Committee to Redirect Operations Obliterating Kennedy, or CROOK. In what he determined was necessary to assure his victory over George McGovern, Nixon hired Cubans - Cuba of course was a proxy for the Soviet Union - to break into the Watergate Hotel in order to spy on the Democrats’ headquarters. Chrump hates Cuba and so went instead to the source and brought in Russian hackers to supply damaging intelligence on the Democrats.

When Can We Not Have Donald Chrump to Kick Around Anymore?

Florida hacked the 2000 election for George W. Bush, who was under the spell of one Dick Cheney. That election resulted in Al Gore winning the popular vote, and then “losing” the Electoral College after the Supreme Court halted the vote count in Florida, after the Florida Secretary of State purged the voter rolls of tens of thousands of Black voters and then we were expected to believe that thousands of elderly Jews voted for anti-Semite Pat Buchanan. Ah, the good old days. In 2016 we had to outsource our election tampering to Russia.

Turds of a feather

 

It is beginning to look as though Chrump/Russiagate is going to make Watergate look like, to quote one Richard Nixon, “a third-rate burglary”. I have admittedly never said a kind word about Nixon, but at least he had the good taste to resign in disgrace – though he did not appear to internalize that disgrace, and that is a shame. One can only hope that he suffered horribly in private. Also, Nixon never bragged about grabbing pussy.

I. Mangrey reporting. Forget Deep Throat, welcome to Deep Shit.                                                                                                        

Longest winter ever

Not Dicking Around

Holiday Greetings From Everyone at Paying Attention

One Less Dick Never Hurt Anyone 

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
August 7, 2017

Hello loyal readers. It’s me, Ed Venture. As managing editor here at Paying Attention, it is my job at this time of year to remind you of our obsession with Richard Milhous Nixon and to keep the Resignation Day(s) tradition alive. As most of you are probably unaware, today is Erev Resignation Day(s) (or Resignation Day(s) Eve, depending on how you roll). On the evening of August 8, 1974, crook, felon, anti-Semite, Liberal-hating, secret-bomber, paranoiac, all-around uncommitted mental patient and then-president Richard M. Nixon, resigned after serving half of his second term in the People's House in order to avoid a term in the Big House. Today we have a new mental patient playing in the presidential sandbox. You may have heard about this already. I won’t go into all that right now. The more things change, the more they stay the strange. Anyway, Resignation Day(s) is one of my favorite American holidays. A great day for democracy and as close as we get to a great day for justice in this country. I snagged a photo of I. Mangrey sporting one of his prized t-shirts to commemorate this festive time of year. He and it are a bit wrinkled, but the message is timeless.

I. Mangrey in his Resignation Day(s) finery

 

"I have never been a quitter," began Nixon during prime time on August 8, 1974, "To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body…Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office." Gerald Ford, Nixon’s hand-picked pardoner/successor took the oaf of office on August 9, 1974 capping off America’s only two-day national holiday. I still remember it well, to the best of my recollection.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.
Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled 42^nd anniversary of the finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore holiday season.

Ed Venture

In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year. It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all. I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, though I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all. But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages, so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep this great American tradition alive. Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Thanks Ed. That was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for 2015…

Once more it’s that season, and Obama’s still here
Watching those who’d replace him lurch into gear.
They’re angry and senseless, they screech and they bite

No need for good reason, they just like to fight.

Now Christie! Cruz, Kasich! Paul, Bush, Carson, Trump!
On, Rubio! On Walker! On, Huckabee! A great bunch of chumps!
They all come a tumbling from the zany clown car!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please dash away far!

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
For the chance to meet Clinton or Sanders for the big fight! 

I enjoyed your addition for 2015 I. And what a year it has been since last Resignation Day(s). Bernie made quite a splash and Chrump took out all the trash. It was truly a campaign to remember, now it’s on to November. So I will see your 2015 verses and raise you a few for 2016 (with reverence and apologies to Ogden Nash)…

Ed Venture
Managing Editor, Paying Attention

Once more it’s that season, Obama time’s near done
Each party’s wild primaries have narrowed to one.
Bernie lost to Hillary, but inspired revolution

Chrump bested all Republican’ts, and might end evolution.

Now East Coast, now West Coast, now swing states, Midwest!
Oh, Donald you suck it, tho you say you’re the best!
I never liked Clinton but I hope Chrump gets schlonged!
And goes back to his mirror, where’s he’s always belonged!

Let him talk, let him squawk, it’s politically suicidal,

Keep making voters nauseous, ere November’s decidal.

Keep insulting, and frothing, and hating, and screaming…
All the stuff of which anti-Chrumpers, tho pained are all dreaming!

Tiny hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest

If I never see your hair-thing or hear your voice again,
I know I will not miss your face, but I’ll feel much less pain
Go away oh Orange Putz, away and out of sight
Close your pie-hole, hide yourself, for once do what’s right.
__________________________

I. Mangrey here.

Well, that certainly did not work out the way most of the country – and the world – had hoped. Now we are ensconced in the most bizarre, incompetent, chaotic shitshow of an administration since Caligula. Unlike Chrump, Caligula is described as a noble and moderate ruler during the first six months of his reign. After that he ramped up the cruelty, sadism, extravagance, and sexual perversity, and is remembered as an insane tyrant. Der Furor wasted no time, in fact getting a head start, with his Caligula-like behavior. One can only wonder with paralyzing dread what the (hopefully short) remainder of Chrump’s tenure will visit upon us all. I suppose I need to have one more go at updating this venerable old verse for 2017 while I can still think straight…

Impeachment in the air, now Chrump makes us sick
It seems he might kill us, get rid of him QUICK!
He’s angry and clueless, he tweets from his toilet,
The craziest nonsense. Our country, he’ll spoil it.

Now Jared! Ivanka, Pence, Sessions and Chrump!
On, Conway! On Bannon! Such miserable chumps!
They lie, they collude, they love Russia not us!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please leave in a huff!

Robert Mueller, grand jury – Oh please stop this lout
Get the dirt, make it public, then throw the bum out
Waste not one more moment, excise Donald Chrump,
And air out the White House, which he called “a Dump”.

The endless lies and insanity assaulting us all,

By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall.

So I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,

More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

 

Still giving the new guy two alternative thumbs up 

Enjoy Resignation Day(s) 2016. Drink up – you know old Tricky Dick would.

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d” sg, August 9, 1974

All the best from everyone here at Paying Attention.

We Are The Chrampions

Chrump v. History

August 5, 2017

Der Furor recently “joked” that he might end up on Mt. Rushmore. The only way this yarn-topped fire alarm will end up on Mr. Rushmore is if during a fly-over of South Dakota, Gutzon Borglum’s granite Lincoln reaches up, yanks the thing called president out of Air Force One, and tries to cram Chrump’s bloated bulk into Teddy Roosevelt’s mouth just for fun. Many people do not know that all of the presidents on Mt. Rushmore are anatomically correct – with the exception of George Washington’s wooden teeth – though only their heads are typically visible. I heard this on Fux News – the most trusted name in cable news – by Donald Chrump. And they are Chrump’s number one source of information. He watches Fux and Friends daily to divine his policy decisions in his quest to make America grape again, or some such thing.

Sponge Blob

As Chrump told us, “you know, I’m, like, a smart person.” I have yet to see a shred of evidence, but that is what he told us. He also told us he has “a very good brain”. Where is he hiding it? What is it good for? Our science team here at Paying Attention has been investigating this for several months. It turns out that we may never know where, or if, Chrump’s brain is. Our alternative research has concluded however, that whatever it is that is lurking beneath that mass of fibrous debris is like a sponge. Not that it is supple and quickly absorbs everything he hears, it is just that what fills his “hair” holder is essentially an autonomous, symbiotic multicellular organism that is full of pores and channels allowing water to circulate through them. It is nothing more than a jelly-like substance, filling the empty space behind his lifeless eyes, spreading nose, and horrifying face sphincter that keeps his corroding cranium from collapsing in on itself.

Actual photograph of Chrump’s inner workings

Despite what Sponge Don may “think”, he cannot run a country like running a business…certainly not the way he runs his business. Either way, government is clearly none of his business.

The Buried Lead

Enough about the half-wit, double-ego polluting the White House. It is with the utmost humility – probably the most humility anyone has ever seen – that Paying Attention proudly announces that we are now the most widely read blog in the world. Maybe in the history of blogging. Our research shows that we have 308,697,0953 followers. We have the greatest blog and the greatest readers, and there is absolutely no proof whatsoever that most of them are Russians. It is entirely possible that we have the most readers of anything that has ever been read. Do not bother trying to verify this, all you will find is fake data. That much I can tell you.

Our new-found popularity dictates that we must be much more responsible in our reporting going forward. I personally vow to raise the level of discourse. I promise to be the most presidential blogger in the history of blogging, with the possible exception of…well, I would say no one. I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth even if it becomes necessary to lie to do so. The truth will be told even if it is the alternative truth. You can rest assured that you will get the latest, most truthy, pithy, fat-free information the moment it becomes un-redacted, or if need be, created out of whole cloth. No Stone will go unturned, no Scaramucci de-greased, no Kushner un-debunked.

Only the most presidential of language will be used to describe Steve Bannon “sucking his own cock”, or what a “fucking paranoid schizophrenic” a top White House aid might be, or who might be grabbing who’s pussy, or pecker or prehensile tail. No more f*&king foul language. Ever. And that is a solemn f*&king promise. This is a class act. Speaking of Steve Bannon sucking his own cock, we have it on good authority that there’s no way the Mooch said those things about Bannon. Our sources in the White House characterized this as so much fake Mooch, saying, “Bannon doesn’t need to suck his own cock, that’s what we had Reince Priebus for. He will be missed.”

As for the actual facts themselves, we promise to craft the finest facts anyone has ever seen. All for the same low monthly fee you are paying now.

I. Mangrey and Ty Erd reporting.

Read on Macduff 
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