Incurious Bastard

Uncle Thomas Strikes Again

The Halls of Justice
July 1, 2016

Look up there, on the bench. It’s a mute. It’s a shame. It’s Uncle Thomas. Quieter than Marcel Marceau. Fewer words than Harpo Marx. More ignorant than a Tea Party congressman. Able to ignore critical legal arguments sans a single sound.

Affirmative Asshole

Clarence Thomas benefited enormously from the kind of affirmative-action programs he now so vigorously opposes. Thomas received a scholarship set aside for racial minorities as an undergraduate at Holy Cross College. He was admitted to Yale Law School in 1971 as part of an aggressive (and successful) affirmative-action program implemented to achieve a 10 percent minority enrollment. Yale offered him generous financial aid. But that was then. Between then and now Thomas got two jobs with in the Reagan White House specifically because he opposed the civil-rights movement, as did the great St. Ronnie. Now that racism is over, who needs civil rights? Or action, or anything affirmative? Thomas is just a great all-around guy who loves porn and harasses women. That stuff never gets old.

Reluctant law-porn star - Short Tongue Silver

Hello Dummy

Short Tongue Silver, the least-heard-from justice in the history of the highest court in the land. Thomas kept his trap shut for 10 years up until February of this year.

Now that Scalia the ventriloquist is gone Thomas the Dummy is left to offend for himself and has managed to utter some choice words of his own. Less than two weeks after Scalia left the bench the Mute One opened his own mouth and spoke for himself and his old boss. And what burning issue caused this self-imagined jurist purist to break his vow of silence? Protecting minorities from hate crimes and prejudice? Protecting women from gender discrimination? Protecting average Americans from greedy bankers and Wall Street thieves? ‘Fraid not.

Clarence Thomas finally disengaged his mute button over the last phrase of the cynically hallowed, deliberately misinterpreted Second Amendment. More specifically, he broke his vow of silence because he thought it was a terrible idea that domestic abusers should not be permitted to keep or bear arms. Militia? No man is an island, but every man is his own militia. Well regulated? Don’t waste my time with regulations.

Thomas fancies himself a protector of the original intent of the Constitution – that would be the same Constitution written by slave owners who considered his ancestors to be 3/5 of a person, and etched that sentiment in parchment. And that was the good part. It would have been a huge improvement had slaves actually been treated like 3/5 of a person. Thomas is not even 2/5 of an originalist.

The White to Bear Arms

Speaking of infringing on Americans’ rights to bear arms, let us not forget that in 1967 St. Ronnie Reagan – in cahoots with the NRA – imposed draconian gun restrictions via the Mulford Act in California when the Black Panthers decided to exercise the same Constitutional rights enjoyed by white people while patrolling the streets to keep their neighborhoods safe from police. Can you believe that back in the 20^th century black people in America had to fear for their lives…from the police? Thank God those days are over.

Black Panthers exercising their God-given right to bear arms in 1967.

California Republicans eagerly supported increased gun control once the Panthers began their own open carry movement. Governor Reagan told reporters that he saw “no reason why on the street today a citizen should be carrying loaded weapons.” He called guns a “ridiculous way to solve problems that have to be solved among people of good will.” Reagan also said he didn’t “know of any sportsman who leaves his home with a gun to go out into the field to hunt or for target shooting who carries that gun loaded.” The Mulford Act, he said, “would work no hardship on the honest citizen.” Guess Uncle Thomas doesn’t think his old boss Reagan was much of an originalist.

I. Mangrey reporting. Stop or I’ll shoot you a glance.
                                                                                                            Mad in USA

Chrump Scam Pain

Chrump’Scampaign

Off the rails, USA

June 23, 2016 

According to FEC filings the Chrump book tour campaign began the month of June with: One. Million. Dollars. In its war chest.  

No one can stop me now. I have…One. Million. Dollars.

The Clinton campaign by contrast only has a measly $40M. One reason Chrump has so little money is that he is keeping much of what comes his way from those gullible enough to give him money. Chrump, his family members, companies and friends are all making big bucks off of his “presidential campaign” - $6M, or 17% of the take so far. You would think a billionaire who is self-funding his campaign would not need to be skimming a few extra million off the top of what he tells us is a run for the White House. Speaking of which, he only has 30 staffers. Does he think he is running for president of his high school? Most of his overhead (other than his “hair”) is his teminal greed. He is making a killing on this thing. So keep those cards and letters coming folks. Just keep your money in your pocket.

Chrumpy, Orlando and Doom 

Chrump was very upset by the Orlando nightclub massacre. In part because there was no good guy with a gun to shoot at the bad guy with the guns - because what could possibly go wrong with that. Mostly he was put off because he thought it would improve his poll numbers more. Unsurprisingly anything that is bad for the rest of the world is bound to be good for The Chrump. He was salivating over the impending housing market collapse in 2007 because he would be able to scoop up cheap real estate. He was absolutely giddy at the thought of the Egyptian airliner being taken down by terrorists because it would prove him right. And he couldn’t wait to tell the world that he “called it” when it appeared that the Orlando shooter had ties to terrorists. The jury is still out on that one. The jury is decidedly not out on Chrump. Need more proof? Dick Cheney is on the Chrump train and Donald Rumsfeld said his decision to vote for Chrump over Clinton was “not a close call.”  

Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defects (10 great Jon Stewart minutes) 

I have the best eyes and I swear I saw Donald and his supporters dancing in the streets of Florida the day after the Pulse massacre. Maybe I didn’t see it, but I know people who did - I saw it on the internet. Somebody told me about it. Thousands of people are talking about it. Don’t I have the best hair? Nobody knows more about terrorists than Chrump. Just ask him. Nobody is more presidential than he is...with the possible exception of almost everyone else (though not Ted Cruz). And nobody does a better job of recruiting jihadists than Old Donald. Nobody. He’s also the best at recruiting haters right here in the USA. One week after the Orlando massacre Chrump gained several points in the polls; I assume due to his very presidential response. To be sure, not everyone who supports Chrump is a hater, just those who would actually vote for him. I tell you, he is thebest…at being the worst. 

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is leading Chrump by a pathetic five points. Five points. America where are you now? Don’t you care about your sons and daughters?

Steppenwolf's Monster

I. Mangrey. I’m not on Facebook, but you can still like me.
                                                                                                 Mad in USA

The Candidate at the End of the Universe

But First...

Happy Watergate Day

Washington, DC
June 17, 2016

The Watergate Hotel, Washington, DC

Forty four years ago a lowly Watergate Hotel security guard named Frank Wills unsuspectingly wandered into the history books. It was Wills who alertly noticed, in the wee hours of June 17, 1972, a suspiciously placed strip of duct tape that kept open a door in the Watergate parking garage. Wills notified police of this strange sighting leading police on the easiest trail of clues in history since trying to figure out what happened to the Titanic. A goofy bunch of “plumbers” led by professional psycho G. Gordon Liddy. Some of you might remember that Wills’ discovery led to some zany political hijinks. Just over two years later, shitting president Richard M. Nixon ran for the exit ahead of hangman.

Accidental hero, Frank Wills

Now for yesterday's news tomorrow...

The Physicist and The Phuckwit

Outer arm of the Milky Way

June 15, 2016

A BBC correspondent asked Nobel Prize winning theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking “You’re a man who knows the universe well. How do you explain the phenomenon of Donald Trump?” Hawking answered quickly, "I can't. He is a demagogue, who seems to appeal to the lowest common denominator." Upon further questioning however, Hawking did not offer up Chrump as the gravest threat to the planet. That distinction went to an unspecified asteroid. So there you have it folks, though Chrump is a sleazy demagogue, he is no match for a collision with a giant space rock “against which we have no defense” according to the great Stephen Hawking. Hawking did not weigh in on whether or not we have a suitable defense against the likes of Chrump, who may or may not be a threat the Earth herself, or merely all the so-called higher forms of life thereon.

The Physicist: Stephen Hawking – Genius. Doesn’t get Chrump.

This was seen as a ringing endorsement by many Chrump supporters, if not Chrump himself. It is presumed that the candidate was too busy incessantly whining about Crooked Hillary and calling Elizabeth Warren ‘Pocahontas’ to insult Dr. Hawking directly. His minions weighed in quickly. “If this guy’s so smart how’s come he’s in a wheel chair? And what the hell is physics?” croaked one Chrump enthusiast. “I never heard of him. He doesn’t look so smart and what’s with the goofy accent?” commented I-don’t-have-to-tell-you-my-f*&king-name from South Carolina. “Why is he trying to sound like a computer? He looks like that journalist jerk that Donald was making fun of before. I bet he’ll rip this idiot a new one,” said Montana’s Adolf Jones from within his pointy white hood.

Dr. Heckle and Mr. Jive

Hawking added, “The more immediate danger is runaway climate change. A rise in ocean temperature would melt the icecaps and cause a release of large amounts of carbon dioxide from the ocean floor.” Asshole. Why must these science mongers perpetuate this stupid Chinese hoax?

 

The Phuckwit: Donald Chrump – Hairbrain. Doesn’t have a clue.

Unfortunately America is in many ways the Donald Chrump of the world of nations. We say and do pretty much whatever we want (from genocide against Native Americans, to slavery, to Vietnam, to invading Iraq for no good reason and implementing torture), we pretend we have much greater wealth than we really have (huge national debt and deficit, intentional toxic income inequality), we are arrogant (“importing” democracy to the Middle East where nobody asked for our intrusion and fomenting regime change all over the world), rude (spying on everyone everywhere) and ignorant of foreign norms and in many ways world history (who ever said the Sunni and Shiites couldn’t get along?). We came oh-so-close to trying a very different path forward, but now we find ourselves with the lesser of two evils. But one is without a doubt the lesser and the other is an in-over-his-synthetically-colored-head loose cannon who gets his information either from the internet or from himself and cannot control what comes out of his face once it passes through the garbage disposal between his ears. If he wasn’t so old I would swear he was the result of genetically modified organisms gone horribly wrong. Like if you crossed an innocent mango with a flaming asshole.

 

Is It Safe?

Democratic strategist and lizard American James Carville confidently opined that Chrump represents only 42% of the country adding “right now we’re in a country where you need 50% plus one to win and 42 is a long way from 50 plus one.” I’ll tell you what, if Donald Chrump does in fact represent anywhere near 42% of the American electorate I think the US should seriously consider end of life care if not assisted suicide…oh wait, we’re doing it right now.

Actual, real, not-made-up Chrump quote of the week:

During his fact-resistant, tone-deaf, delusional screed following on the heels of this week’s worst mass shooting ever in Orlando, while accusing President Obama of colluding with terrorists, The Chrump gave us this gem: “We have an incompetent administration. And if I’m elected president that will not change I will tell you. That will not change over the next four years.”

Stephen Colbert - Doing his homework

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t Chrump me bro.
                                                                                              Mad in USA

Inherit The Whine

The Speaker and The Louse

June 8, 2016

Paul Ryan, who got where he is thanks to socialism related safety net program activities (not to be confused with weapons of mass destruction related program activities...except by the likes of Paul Ryan, Ayn Rand, et al) like Social Security, but doesn’t think anyone else should have access to such horrible socialist hand-outs, finally succumbed to the irresistible allure of Donald Chrump two weeks after Chrump was pronounced the presumptive Republican’t nominee. Within a matter of minutes, the Abs-King of Congress and rather-not-be-speaker of the House found himself throwing up in his mouth just a little, as the man he bowed down to as his party’s nominee for president had the misfortune of opening the sphincter beneath his nose again. As usual, what came out of that God forsaken abyss fouled ear and air alike.

This time The Donnybrook decided to racially profile a sitting federal judge who is apparently disinclined to rule in Donnybrook’s favor (though not all the time) in the fraud case against Chrump “University”, which is in no way a university. In fact it wasn’t even a school, just a bunch of seminars held in hotel ballrooms and I’m guessing unguarded sewers and led by Chrump’s “hand-picked” “instructors”. It turns out that Chrump did not pick any of these instructors with his tiny little hands…or his whatever, and they were not so much instructors as con men charged with extracting people’s life savings. Nonetheless Chrump accused the judge of being unfair to him and even worse, being a Mexican and therefore incapable of dishing out justice. Justice. I wonder if Donny would be equally appalled by a white supremacist judge who was improperly preferential to his case. It’s all about justice right?

Who loves ya baby?

A number of prominent Republican’ts including Ryan and Toad…I mean Newt Gingrich have raised their voices in dismay at Donny’s comments. Tim Scott (R-SC), who was appointed to fill a senate seat vacated by vacuous, varmint Jim DeMint and remains the only black Republican’t in the senate, called Chrump’s racist comments “racially toxic” but somehow was unwilling to call them racist. Mitch McConnell was willing to repeatedly say, “I couldn’t disagree more with what he had to say”, but refused to call it racist. For contrast, Rep. Filemon Vela (D-TX) gave us, “Mr. Trump, you're a racist and you can take your border wall and shove it up your ass.” Chrump and his trained spokesmutants on the other hand insist that this kind of behavior is bound to win over the majority of Hispanics come November.

Chrump called into question the impartiality of Gonzalo Curiél, the highly regarded Indiana-born judge because he is a Mexican all but adding, “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” He refused to back down some days later telling Jake Tapper who asked if this was “not the definition of racism”, “This judge is of Mexican heritage. I’m building a wall okay, I’m building a wall. I am going to do very well with the Hispanics, the Mexicans.” I figure he will do about as well as the boys at the Alamo did.

Ryan said, “Claiming a person can’t do their job because of their race is sort of like the textbook definition of a racist comment. I think it should be absolutely disavowed. It’s absolutely unacceptable.” Yeah, sort of. I guess it’s okay to be palling around with clueless, childish racists when the only other choice is an (albeit very flawed) non-racist adult who, agree with her or not, is absolutely the most experienced/qualified presidential candidate we have seen in a long time. In response to Ryan’s dismay at Chrump’s racist idiocy CNN contributor and Chrump lapdog Jeffrey Lord said, "let me make no bones about it, Speaker Ryan is wrong and Speaker Ryan has switched positions and is now supporting identity politics, which is racist! I am astonished.” Switched positions? Surely Ryan should be locked up for switching positions. Chrump would never do such a thing. Never. Always.

I’m not sure which is more pathetic, caving in to support an ignorant racist you spent months ridiculing as your party’s nominee for president or calling him out for specific racist statements you find intolerable yet still supporting his racist candidacy. Oh wait, I just figured it out – BOTH. 

Senior Republican’t statesman Bob Dole hit the nail right on the head when he said, “Chrump has done some things that would curl your hair…I have an obligation to the party. What am I going to do? I can’t vote for George Washington…” No Mr. Dole, you cannot vote for George Washington, but you might want to heed his words. Washington warned about loyalty to party over loyalty to country during his farewell address in 1796, “However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.” So screw your misplaced loyalty to your disintegrating, dis-integrating party and remember your obligation to your country, and unless that country has a beautiful yuuuuuuuge wall with a beautiful door emblazoned with gaudy gold letters spelling C-H-R-U-M-P, then that country should never accept the man Elizabeth Warren accurately described as “a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud” “a thin-skinned racist bully”,  “a small, insecure, thin-skinned, wannabe tyrant” and "a genuine threat to this country" as its president – a man who will always put his own interests above those of our country. And you should either rethink your allegiance or STFU.

I. Mangrey reporting. I am not a party boy.

                                                                                                                       Mad in USA
UPDATE
This just in...



Chrump For Presidon’t

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

But Wait...There's More

The Stupid is Strong With This One

May 22, 2016

Donald J. Cheese-For-Brains has vanquished every last mental midget, politicking punk and dominionist demon who dared run against him. The alleged billionaire and long-time con man, who had a habit of doing phone interviews posing as John Barron or John Miller (“publicists” with intimate personal knowledge, a strangely familiar voice and the same grasp of the English language as his “boss”)*, has broken the record for most votes in a Republican’t presidential primary. Who had the previous record? Another resolute business genius – George W. Bush. They sure know how to pick ‘em. And this one just hired the guy who assured John McCain it was a good idea to run with the pick-of-the-century – Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin, mouth agape, brain disengaged, on Chrump’s short list for VP

Katie Couric confronts the new Sarah Palin, who just got Dan Quayle’s endorsement

*Chrump admitted to these incidents, once under oath in the ‘90s, but now denies it.

#Never(or next Wednesday, whichever comes first)Chrump

So many previously self-avowed never-Chrump Republican’ts are now chanting, “I would rather die than see Hillary Clinton as president.” They will very likely get their first wish if they get their second. The national security community is already crapping their pants at the very thought of telling Chrump any of what passes for national security intelligence (the next big oxymoron). I myself am now sporting Depends as I watch the 2016 presidential race unfold. Chrump is ready to drop the big one on anyone he thinks is crossing him. He thinks lots of other countries, specifically Japan, South Korea and Saudi Arabia, should have their own nukes too. The Stupid is strong in this one.

This is not a test.

Fux and Friends

His fake Fux feud notwithstanding, Chrump is quickly winning over many Republican’ts that wanted nothing to do with him just weeks ago. And not just the ones who want 11 million immigrants deported or all Muslims banned from entering the United States or think Mexicans are criminals and rapists or the misogynists or white nationalists and neo-Nazis. He is also appealing to some being busted on child pornography, weapons and explosives charges. It is truly a big tent. During her recent on-air tryst with The Don – who has repeatedly called her a bimbo among other things – Fux News’s Megyn Kelly gave Chrump the ass-kissing of his life, her lust for ratings clearly overriding her pride and her value as a human being let alone a journalist.

In a recent interview John Barron…I mean John Miller…I mean Chrump said, “You know, Paul Ryan is a lame little puke. He has no power, no brains and no chance of getting me to change my mind. But I like the guy. I like the guy. I’m friends with lots of jerks. I don’t have to dislike someone just because they’re pricks. I like that loser John McCain too. And he loves me. Why because I tell the truth. He got captured, he’s not a hero, he’s a zero in my book. But that doesn’t make him a bad person. Plenty of other things make him a bad person. Hey, I’m just hitting back. By the way the second best book in history is my Art of The Deal. And I am so rich that I will be buying George Zimmerman’s gun; you know, the one he used to kill Trayvon Martin, which he is auctioning off. Now George Zimmerman – there’s a hero for you. He stood his ground even though it wasn’t really his ground.” Chrump who says of Two Amendment, "We're going to preserve it, we're going to cherish it," does not allow guns on many of his properties.

Panderer, Slanderer, Philanderer

Chrump, a particularly loopy climate change denier who looks like he has gotten too close to the Sun and talks like he has been hit in the head more than a few times, is applying to build a sea wall to protect an oceanfront golf course of his on the coast of Ireland. The application warns that “global warming and its effects” pose “a real and immediate risk to most of the golf course frontage and assets." Apparently it is not climate change but Chrump himself that is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese...or perhaps God.

Here’s The Douchebag trying to explain why he said women should be punished for having an abortion:

Lastly, the man who is recklessly accusing Bill Clinton (who Chrump stood up for during the Lewinsky episode) of rape was himself accused in sworn testimony by his first wife of raping her while incensed over a failed hair installation procedure.

I wonder if what Frank Zappa called “The Imaginary Journalistic Profession” will even try to report any of this to the American public. If we are not careful The Stupid will be strong with all of us after November. And we as a nation are not exactly known for being careful.

I. Mangrey reporting. I’ll stop now…before one of us gets hurt.
                                                                                                           Mad in USA

Texas ToasTed

Going Back to San Clemente San Antone

In all the excitement, I mean shock and horror of what resulted from his departure, we forgot to wish a fucked farewell Raphael "Ted" Cruz. The man who helped make Donald Chrump loveable.

The victory of defeat. Ted wins at losing.



Try to resist the temptation to donate.



Taking Out the Chrash

On the Phony

May 9, 2016

Concerned citizens take their news tips to great reporters when they want secret information made available to the public. This does not happen here at Paying Attention. We have to get our scoops the old fashioned way – we read it somewhere else and change the wording to avoid plagiarism. Or we just make it up. With all this in mind here is the first and therefore final draft of Donald Chrump’s acceptance speech for the 2016 RNC in Cleveland. He doesn’t want this made public since he will be claiming it is off the cuff. As is his wont, Chrump will be phoning it in…

Can you fucking believe this? Is this great or what? How amazing am I? At least we know there aren’t thousands of Muslims dancing in the streets of New York today. Sorry I couldn’t be here in person, but I’m a very busy man. Very busy. And let’s face it – Cleveland? Really? Cleveland? Obviously you picked this place before you knew I was going to be the nominee. Anyway, no hard feelings. You couldn’t have known. I will not say that you are a bunch of low-energy losers. Anyway, you folks know what has to be done. Give me the votes and the nomination and I’ll do the rest. And it’ll be great.

First let me say what an honor it is for you to have me, Donald Chrump as your 2016 candidate. You must feel very lucky to have avoided the violence I would have inadvertently incited if I was not the nominee. But really it’s not that important to me, I’m just in this for my ego. I have a yuuuuuuuge ego. The biggest. But only because I am the best. But I already knew that. I’m not telling you anything I didn’t already know. But enough about you. I am not here to talk about you. I’m here to talk about me – Donald J. Chrump. I think my hair came out really good today. You know it’s not easy getting it right. There’s the shampooing, the rinsing, the repeating, the coloring, the sculpting, the spraying, more spraying and of course the bug repellant. I have a very hard life. Believe me. Very hard. That will not stop me from having the best hair of any president you’ve ever seen.

Big hair, small hands, tiny...whatever

I am very excited to announce my running mate tonight. While I was being treated so very unfairly during the primary campaign. And I was treated very unfairly as you know. I had a lot of time to think about who I would have with me on the ticket. I spoke to many very smart people, the smartest people, especially myself, so I could find the best person to be my running mate. You may remember that George W. Bush brought in Dick Cheney to be the guy to find his running mate and Cheney looked in the mirror and found the perfect guy. As it turns out I didn’t need Cheney’s help. I have my own mirror, actually thousands of them, and I admit I did follow Cheney’s lead when searching all over my many mirrors, of which I have thousands. I’m very rich. In keeping with my groundbreaking campaign I will not be tied to the old rules in my choice of my vice president either. After much brain-searching it was very clear to me that there is no one more qualified to be my running mate than Donald Chrump. I don’t need anyone else. I am all I need. And I will have the best people in the best cabinet ever. But if anyone decides to disagree with me? They’re fired! There are plenty of best-people-ever out there to take their place.

Nobody loves this country more than me. And nobody loves me more than this country. I am going to win this election so easily. I don’t think Hillary will even get any votes except from a few desperate women hoping to play the woman card. I will win so winningly you will be in shock. I know many of you didn’t realize how much you liked me until right now and I might not hold that against some of you who I think are good people. The rest of you might as well be Mexicans or Chinese the way you have been raping me all these months. I don’t need you losers, I can win without votes. I will beat Hillary so bad. So bad. Beat, beat, beat. I have never looked forward to beating a woman as much as I do right now. She won’t even know what hit her, but it will be me. Me.

I will not rule out using nuclear weapons to defeat Hillary Clinton. First of all, she is a woman so she cannot possibly be president. This country has never had a woman president and we’re not going to start on my watch. Of course no one has more respect for women than I do. No one. Believe me. Just ask the women. They all love me. Maybe the only ones who love me more than the women are the blacks. Let’s face it people, I’m handsome, I’m very rich and I win. Also I’m very smart. I have a very good brain and I have the best words. You can’t even believe how smart I am. You can’t believe it. I can’t even believe it myself. That’s how smart I am. Believe me.

 

Now that I am the nominee I will get the same national security briefing as the president gets so I will know so many secrets that there will be no turning back. My super high-level security briefings will let me know about everything that is going on all over the world. As opposed to my current state of free-form fabrication. Fortunately the world loves me. Once I know exactly how much crazy shit is going on out there, I can tell you there will be some changes around here. There will be a waterboarding park in the rose garden. Who the hell needs roses anyway? They’re for pussies. The Chrump White House will have one of the finest casinos in the world. I will be the most popular president in history.

 

In closing let me just say that I am ready to win and win big. Very big. Very. I will be the winningest winner in the history of winning. I am going to win so fast that you will know I won within ten minutes of the polls opening on that Wednesday in November. I will beat Hillary and then I will beat ISIS and then I will beat my wife…I mean tweet my fife. That’s how patriotic I am. Nobody respects women more than me. I have the balls to build the walls to make America great again. I am a smart businessman and I will fix the economy. Then I will show you Obama’s real birth certificate. Count on it. But I will never talk about my plans or policies, I will not show you my tax returns, but I will gladly show you my amazing pecker right here, right now. (It is presumed that here Mr. Chrump is planning to either display not his family wealth, but his family jewels for the convention to see, or since he may only be phoning in the audio he will be the only one getting a good look at them, which one assumes is how he spends most of his alone time...when he is not busy doing his hair.)

Oh, and once I am inaugurated there will be a nominal cover charge to remain in the country. This includes a free bottle of genuine Chrump/Flint water. And one free pull at a slot machine in any one of my fabulous casinos that hasn’t yet gone bankrupt.

Hot Air & Not Hair

For now I turn you over to my new press secretary Sean Hannity.

I. Mangrey scooping the poop. We live in Strangelove times.

The only video ad needed to run against Donald Chrump:

Oh My

Well played Ms. Clinton

 

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