The Donald Solution

The White House Un-American Activities Committee

The WTF House
August 6, 2016

Before we get into today’s communiqué, a brief diversion into Chrump’s recent dust-up with a baby who was being mean to him by crying while the candidate was trying to “speak.” What is this baby? Baby? The old führer never said “baby.”

Chrump loves babies. Here he is trying to eat two of them at once.

Back to the matter at hand…

Reality TV and real-life fraud extraordinaire Donald Chrump took (many, many people say plagiarized, many people) a few pages out of the 1968 Richard M. Nixon win-at-any-cost-fuck-em-all playbook for his (bowel) moving acceptance speech at the 2016 RNC. Chrump used his face sphincter to tout himself as the “law and order” candidate, sent to rescue America’s “silent majority” from the politically correct liberal elites. Apparently he thinks Nixon’s the one with the best words. Sad. 

Just in case anyone forgot, that Agnew character
on the right resigned in disgrace over bribery charges
and his buddy there next to him...
well you probably remember that guy.

First and Worst

In the 1930s Germany saw a charismatic madman whip up the darkest depths of the human spirit and incite a nation to madness, World War and genocide. Fear is a powerful motivator. Even if it is manufactured. Hatred and bigotry are easy to encourage in the unstable and ignorantmasses. Most presidential candidates in America try to appeal to a different segment and sentiment of the electorate.

America’s Turn

America saw something similar in nature though thankfully not in scope also in the 1930s. Our foray into making hatred great again never got to the war and killing stage, but what it lacked in death and destruction it made up for in longevity. The House Un-American Activities Committee lasted until 1975 and would-have-been-if-not-for-the-whole-resigning-in-disgrace-thing-then-president Richard Nixon had his sweaty paranoid hands all over this sordid affair starting in the late 1940s.

And then of course there’s the old race thing. Still wrestling with that one we are. Among other things the South is still reliably Republican’t because of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the hated Voting Rights act of 1965. Still trying to reverse those they are. Chrump is reigniting all of this sentiment because to him it’s all just Reality TV – a way for him to keep the cameras pointing at his face. Like a toddler with a handgun who thinks it’s a toy, he plays with it a little, manages not to shoot himself, and then just like he saw on television he pulls the trigger, but oopsmommy falls to the floor.

And speaking of toddlers with guns…

Donald certainly raised good caring boys
who love (dead) animals…and their dad.

The White House Un-American Activities Candidate

Chricky Dick

Now we find ourselves in the year 2016 poised to elect a badly dyed toxic narcissist with the world’s most bizarre comb-around-and-around, peddling the same fear, ignorance, hatred and superiority complex the world witnessed in the two examples above. The most insulting, spiteful, nasty and pathologically dishonest presidential candidate we have ever seen is now saying “No more Mr. Nice Guy...I’m taking off the gloves.” WTF. So far this has been him being nice? Holy shit. Taking off the gloves? Whatever gloves there may have been slipped off his tiny little hands long ago. He was simply too busy doing his hair and painting his face to notice.

America is three months away from conceivably entering the Twilight Zone via Donald Chrump’s White House Un-America Activities Conflagration. Anyone who dares disagree with Heir Chrump will be declared an enemy of the state. The most American things about Chrump are his toxic capitalism and his arrogance.

Would you say or have you ever said something mean about P*#@!&%#t Chrump? Do you know of anyone who has said unpleasant things or had impure thoughts about Dear Donald? Have you ever met anyone who has made fun of his surreal hairdo or the absurdly engineered color of his face (with the exception of two pasty-white ovals around his beady little eyes)? Do you know anyone who has commented his puny hands or child-sized penis? Well do ya punk?

Speaking of Hitler Chrump, a recent book contains secret diaries left by Chrump’s Hitler’s doctor which testify to the fact that not only did Der Fücker have one less testicle than the average pair, but his shriveled little walnut was reportedly attached to a deformed micro-penis to boot. I wonder if he had small hands.

At the risk of ending up on the White House Un-American Activities Committee un-orange list in 2017 I must report the following: During an hour-long policy briefing, which Chrump clearly failed with flying artificial colors, he reportedly asked several times about nuclear weapons: “If we have them why can’t we use them?” Many people are reporting this. Many people. They come up to me on the street and tell me this. Believe me. Chrump denies it; therefore we know it is true. Plus, it is on the internet. Chrump is ready to shoot from the lip. He does not know what nuclear weapons are. This is the guy tied with Dick Cheney for draft deferments during the Vietnam War with five. Now we know why he consults with himself and not with other people. It’s time Chrump gave himself a good talking to.

And Now For Something Completely Not Different…

Researchers at the Indianapolis Zoo observed, for the first time, an orangutan able to mimic the pitch and tone of human sounds. Big deal. The entire world has been watching this happen every day for over a year during the Republican’t primaries and now the presidential election.

I. Mangrey. Chrump angriest.

 

Speaking of Nixon…

Holiday Greetings From Everyone at Paying Attention

One Less Dick Never Hurt Anyone 

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
August 7, 2016

Hello loyal readers. It’s me, Ed Venture. As managing editor here at Paying Attention, it is my job at this time of year to remind you of our obsession with Richard Milhous Nixon and to keep the Resignation Day(s) tradition alive. As most of you are probably unaware, today is Erev Resignation Day(s) (or Resignation Day(s) Eve, depending on how you roll). On the evening of August 8, 1974, crook, felon, anti-Semite, Liberal-hating, secret-bomber, paranoiac, all-around uncommitted mental patient and then-president Richard M. Nixon, resigned after serving half of his second term in the People's House in order to avoid a term in the Big House. Today we have a new prospective mental patient playing in the presidential sandbox. You may have heard about this already. I won’t go into all that right now. The more things change, the more they stay the strange. Anyway, Resignation Day(s) is one of my favorite American holidays. A great day for democracy and as close as we get to a great day for justice in this country. I snagged a photo of I. Mangrey sporting one of his prized t-shirts to commemorate this festive time of year. He and it are a bit wrinkled, but the message is timeless.

I. Mangrey in his Resignation Day(s) finery

"I have never been a quitter," began Nixon during prime time on August 8, 1974, "To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body…Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office." Gerald Ford, Nixon’s hand-picked pardoner/successor took the oaf of office on August 9, 1974 capping off America’s only two-day national holiday. I still remember it well, to the best of my recollection.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.

Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled 42^nd anniversary of the finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore holiday season.

Ed Venture

In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year. It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all. I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, though I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all. But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive. Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Thanks Ed. That was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for 2015…

Once more it’s that season, and Obama’s still here
Watching those who’d replace him lurch into gear.
They’re angry and senseless, they screech and they bite

No need for good reason, they just like to fight.

Now Christie! Cruz, Kasich! Paul, Bush, Carson, Trump!
On, Rubio! On Walker! On, Huckabee! A great bunch of chumps!
They all come a tumbling from the zany clown car!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please dash away far!

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
For the chance to meet Clinton or Sanders for the big fight!

I enjoyed your addition for 2015 I. And what a year it has been since last Resignation Day(s). Bernie made quite a splash and Chrump took out all the trash. It was truly a campaign to remember, now it’s on to November. So I will see your 2015 verses and raise you a few for 2016 (with reverence and apologies to Ogden Nash)…

Once more it’s that season, Obama time’s near done
Each party’s wild primaries have narrowed to one.
Bernie lost to Hillary, but inspired revolution

Chrump bested all Republican’ts, and might end evolution.

 

Now East Coast, now West Coast, now swing states, Midwest!
Oh, Donald you suck it, tho you say you’re the best!
I never liked Clinton but I hope Chrump gets schlonged!
And goes back to his mirror, where’s he’s always belonged!

Let him talk, let him squawk, it’s politically suicidal,

Keep making voters nauseous, ere November’s decidal.

Keep insulting, and frothing, and hating, and screaming…
All the stuff of which anti-Chrumpers, tho pained are all dreaming!

Tiny hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest.

If I never see your hair-thing or hear your voice again,
I know I will not miss your face, but I’ll feel much less pain
Go away oh Orange Putz, away and out of sight
Close your pie-hole, hide yourself, for once do what's right.

Enjoy Resignation Day(s) 2016. Drink up – you know old Tricky Dick would.

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d” sg, August 9, 1974

All the best from everyone here at Paying Attention.

The Ugliest American

Putin a Good Word For Him

Never Chrump Land
August 1, 2016

In 2013 when asked if he had a relationship with Putin the real estate maggot bragged, “I do have a relationship and I can tell you he’s very interested in what we’re doing here today…But I do have a relationship with him.” During on of the Republican’t primary debates Chrump glibly offered, “But as far as the Ukraine is concerned, and you could say Syria. As far as Syria, I like – if Putin wants to go in – and I got to know him very well – because we were both on 60 Minutes, we were stable mates – and we did very well that night. You know that.” In fact the ratings that night were poor and Chrump and Putin were not “stable mates” since they were on separate continents at the time. So was Chrump was not lying when he recently said, “I have nothing to do with Russia. I never met Putin. I have nothing to do with Russia.”? He also said, “I have nothing to do with Putin. I’ve never spoken to him, I don’t know anything about him other than he will respect me.” Even his lies are not quite lies...or something. If you are lying about a lie you previously told are you in fact lying? Very Zen. I can’t keep up with this lunatic.

I know exactly which way I want to go.

Chrump had very little interest in the crafting of the 2016 Republican’t platform, which included such brilliant forward thinking as “…coal is an abundant clean…energy resource.” In fact the only thing team Chrump fought for in the medieval platform was taking Putin’s side in Ukraine. Coincidence or the Fart of The Deal? Chrump told an interviewer last week that he “would be looking into” leaving Putin-annexed Crimea in Russian hands. Yesterday he told George Stephanopoulos, [Putin]'s "not going to go into Ukraine. Just so you understand, he's not going to go into Ukraine. You can mark it down, you can put it down, you can take it anywhere you want." Stephanopoulos politely informed Putin invaded Ukraine in 2014 – how could Donald be expected to keep up with such minute detail?

George W. Bush was The Decider. Donald J. Chrump is The Dictator. Bush at least attempted to think before deciding. Chrump don’t think. Chrump fire. Chrump smash.

“Chrump tell Putin – You’re fired!”

I. Mangrey reporting. Ouch.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Hillaryous?

I’m With Us

Philadelphia, PA
July 29, 2016

It is indeed an historic albeit disgracefully long overdue moment – finally a woman has risen to the level of presidential nominee. Not the woman I would have chosen, but then it is clearly not up to me. I am not a Clinton fan (neither of them) though I think it is safe to say that Hillary is not an overtly sexist, ignorant racist, neo-fascist and accomplished swindler who got where she is by ripping people off with innumerable scams. Sure the Clintons are consummate, truth-tormenting, up-to-their-eyeballs-in-dirty-money politicians, but each has some redeeming qualities and has spent at least of their time doing good for the many. Chrump’s every waking moment has been devoted to one thing – himself. The most important thing Hillary is not is Donald Chrump. That is a yuuuuuuge deal in 2016. Right now little else matters. But I still find myself constantly nauseated and on the verge of tears.

Badly Berned

Sanders fought a good fight. He stood outside, probably above the party he ran to lead. Despite the fact that the DNC was always working to stop him, Sanders is wise enough to know what really matters right now. Even though he was fervently opposed to Clinton, he cares enough about the big picture to now stand behind her. It hurt to see Bernie do this but: CHRUMP.

It does seem that Bernie Sanders is being taken seriously. The party platform was noticeably Bernie-fied. At least for the campaign. I am not ready to trust Clinton to carry that into the White House should she manage to stumble across its threshold come January. I hope I am wrong. She is obviously qualified – she has extensive hands-on experience, she knows the game as well as anyone and she is tough as nails (the exact opposite of her oddly-tinted, morbidly inexperienced, clueless, thin-skinned opponent) – Hillary is also uniquely qualified to come in second to a demented cheese curl on November 8^th.

The extremely accurate Nate Silver (the most glaring exception was writing off Chrump early on, but everyone did that) says that Chrump would win if the election were held today. Silver’s numbers give the Orange One a 57.5% chance of winning the presidency compared to a 42.5% chance for Clinton. This was before the DNC so with any luck these numbers will return to something approaching sanity soon.

The two most unpopular presidential candidates. Ever.

Sleazy Is As Sleazy Does

Yes another Clinton is qualified to run the machine. One Clinton was more than enough for me. The bigger issue is the machine itself. We don’t need someone to keep running a broken machine. We need someone ready to build a new machine. Is Hillary Clinton that person? I’m not ready to make that leap. Sure Hillary is a hard worker. She has fought for those less fortunate for decades, while her opponent has scammed them. One other thing she continues to work very hard at is being disliked; to be fair, this might just come naturally. Hillary also seems intent on being distrusted; this might also be a very natural thing for Hillary, but she clearly puts a great deal of effort into making certain to maintain her air of sleaziness. Earning huge paychecks for speaking to Goldman Sacks, lying about her damn email, acting like she agreed with just about everything that made people feel the Bern and now…

Debbie Wasserman Schultz is now officially working for the Clinton campaign, as opposed to barely surreptitiously working for Clinton while head of the DNC. Schultz was diligent in her efforts to stifle the Bern. While it is true that Schultz has stepped down as DNC chair, she was immediately hired by team Clinton as a senior advisor.

I did not like Hillary even while she was pretending to be Bernie. I like her much less when she pretends to be herself. It just seems that the more I see her the more I like her less. But, as several wise friends keep reminding me, there could well be at four vacancies on the Supreme Court in the near future. If memory serves, there is one right now. Whatever else I might think, I remain certain that I would rather have Hillary Clinton making those nominations than Donald Chrump…or Mike Pence. That is the only reason I need to cast my vote for Clinton in November. Then I will take a scalding hot shower, (think Silkwood) but I suspect it will take much more than that for me to ever feel clean again.

I. Mangrey reporting. YIPPIE!
                                                                                                      Mad in USA

Chrexit

Chrexit

The Planet Formerly Known as Earth
July 22, 2016

“I’ve got the whole world in my normal-sized hands. Literally. Believe me.”

I am not going to wait until the last minute. There’s a saying in Pennsylvania…I know it’s in Texas, I think it’s in Pennsylvania. Fool me once…shame on…shame on me. Fool me…can’t get fooled again. I believed Ralph Nader when he said there was no difference between George W. Bush and Al Gore in 2000. So I stayed home that November day only to awaken some four weeks later to find that the Supreme Court had brushed aside the will of the unwashed electorate. Scalia and company could not sit idly by and let all those inconvenient votes be counted. Scalia had a MISSION to ACCOMPLISH. The Court went ahead and appointed the man who would become: The. Worst. President*. Ever…so far. We can do much better worse.

Those days are gone (though not calamitous hangover) and America sits on the precipice of actually electing a man who is perhaps even more of a clueless huckster than the one the Supremes installed. In the same way that much of the United Kingdom (well, not that much really, but just enough) voted to leave the European Union, so might many Americans vote to leave Chrumpworld should the tiny-appendaged hair weave substrate prevail this November and take possession of the White House, the United States military, including nuclear weapons (which he appears happy to put to good use), the Supreme Court, our nation’s economy and reputation. While is seems he will hand over all of the work to his Veep, there is no doubt that he will have final say and nothing he disagrees with will go anywhere, no matter what actual-president (and homophobic, misogynist religious fanatic) Mike Pence has decided. That’s right folks. Start making your Chrexit plans now before we are all forced into mandatory spray-tan/comb-around detention camps.

“I can’t believe all you idiots are actually going to vote for me.
Is this a great country or what?”

Chrump is so stunningly horrific he makes Hillary Clinton look like Bernie Sanders. Hillary Clinton, whatever else she may be, and she may be many things you would rather she not be, she is qualified. She is a very capable individual in many ways. And one of the things she is capable of is losing the 2016 election to a burnt umbrage/orange-Crayola-colored excuse-for-a-man who calls himself Donald Chrump (though his real family name is Drumpf). Literally. He often refers to himself as though he was talking about someone else. Who could blame him?

Chrexit while you can!

*Every other president was elected in one way or another. By hook or by crook. In this case the Supreme Court broke precedent, the law and wind with a ruling the Court then specifically declared was not to be used as precedent. I wonder why. Just kidding.

Just in case you needed another reason to think less than well of Mr. Chrump, here he is preparing to…um…introduce his daughter at the RNC…

Chrump in mid-GrOPe of daughter Ivanka. Please don’t try this at home.
I wonder if this makes Melania jealous.

We cannot have a spray-tan gap. 

I. Mangrey and R. Megedden reporting.

Un-Conventional News

Being P*&%!@#*t Chrump Will Be So Easy

Not Cleveland
July 20, 2016

Okay, so I was right. We had heard that team Chrump was looking for a VP who was “an experienced person who can do the part of the job he doesn’t want to do.” I imagined this meant basically all the stuff that actual presidents do. It turns out the hair might be real but everything underneath it is completely fake. Chrump thinks being presidential is nothing more than a facial expression. As we all know by now he has the best facial expressions.

I assume he considers most of them very presidential.

Now we have learned that Donny Jr. has been calling around asking if anyone wants to be the actual president once daddy dearest Chrumps the White House. Unsurprisingly Mr. Chrump has no interest in doing any presidenting. He just wants to make America Chrump greatly.

Reliable sources and the New York Times (not the usual voices I hear when I’m in my happy place) say that Crump Jr. contacted team Kasich to make the governor an unprecedented offer: How would Kasich like to be the most powerful vice president ever? When asked what that might mean (after all we already lived through the Cheney/Bush years) Kasich’s adviser was told that the VP would be in charge of domestic and foreign policy. He was then informed that Chrump would be in charge of “making America great again.” One assumes this would free Donald up for playing with our nuclear arsenal, waterboarding people who annoy him, attacking the liberal media and tweeting 24/7. Oh and obviously P*&%!@#*t Chrump would take the lead on all matters of Outer Space. This will likely consume much of Chrump’s time as countless refugees flee the planet immediately after a Chrump victory, which will be known as The Great Chrexit. (More on this next time.)

Chrexit: The ultimate in reality TV

 

Chrump tweeted a denial of any such contact. So you know it really happened.

Editor’s Note:

As a yuuuuuuuge favor to myself and the staff here at Paying Attention, and especially to you the reader, I have decided not to cover the Republican’t National Convention. I am working hard to avoid as much of this debacle as possible. We did stumble across one candid shot of popular conservative talker Laura Ingraham finishing her screech:

Not Photoshopped. Just sickening.

And one from outside during convention downtime…

 

I. Mangrey reporting. We report, you try to keep your lunch down.

We Have A Wanker

It’s Offal…I mean Official

Chrump World
July 18, 2016

Okay so I was wrong. Sort of. I was sure Chrump was going to be his own running mate. After all, he consults himself on all the pressing issues confronting a presidential candidate, like when to tweet insults, how insulting to be, which racist garbage to re-tweet, which childish nicknames to hurl and when to act presidential for 30 seconds. As he told us, “I have a very good brain. I’ve said lots of things.” I’m sure he really wanted to run unfettered and unopposed. But he now has a partner in slime. It is Mike Pence, who was poised to lose a re-election bid for governor of Indiana. The Republican’t machine in Indiana was desperately trying to figure out what to do with Pence who they were certain was going to lose if he ran. So at least someone stands to benefit from Pence becoming the next Sarah Palin.

Chrumppence. Cute as a butthole.

You will not believe this but Donny Chrump was lying when he said he was postponing his VP announcement because of the tragedy in Nice. We know he was lying for two reasons: 1) He went ahead and made the announcement at the exact time he originally said he was going to, and 2) His face-sphincter was moving. The real reason he wanted to hold off on making the announcement was:

Mr. Chrump has chosen the running mate his children told him to choose. Sure the guy disagrees with Chrump on many issues, but at least he hates the gays (he thinks they all need conversion therapy to become un-gayed) and that is an important ingredient for keeping the Christian base, who should be appalled by Chrump’s many marriages, his long and storied lack of contact with the Church, his foul mouth and his proud abuse of those less fortunate.

During the first Chrumppence interview with 60 Minutes, Chrump – who found it very difficult to let his better half (now there’s a low bar) speak without interrupting – interrupted Leslie Stahl’s final question. The question began, “You’re not known to be a humble man, but I wonder…” Mr. Humility barged right in with, “I think I am actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.” That’s right folks; mere mortals simply cannot fathom the staggeringly awesome humility of Donald J. Chrump. He not only has the best words, but he has the best thoughts and is simply the King of Humility. That I can tell you. Deal with it losers.

Speaking of Losers

Chrump had what he calls a co-author (what anyone possessing even a peripheral notion of the truth would call a ghost-writer) for his famous The Art of the Deal. Second only to the Bible on Chrump’s greatest-books-of-all-time list, it is in any event one of the things that put Chrump on the celebrity map.

Tony Schwartz – the man who says he actually wrote the book – is now finding it difficult to live with himself for making Chrump appear admirable. He told Mayer, “I put lipstick on a pig. I feel a deep sense of remorse that I contributed to presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider attention and made him more appealing than he is," adding, “I genuinely believe that if Trump wins and gets the nuclear codes there is an excellent possibility it will lead to the end of civilization.” Schwartz said if he was writing the book today it would have a different flavor and a slightly different title: “The Sociopath.” This from a man who spent 18 months with Trump – according to Mayer, “camping out in his office, joining him on his helicopter, tagging along at meetings, and spending weekends with him at his Manhattan apartment and his Florida estate.” Livin’ la vida loco. Granted, this could have caused Schwartz permanent psychological and emotional damage, but I still find his perspective credible.

Separately, Schwartz told Good Morning America on Monday, “You know, it’s a terrifying thing. I haven’t slept a night through since Donald Trump announced for president because I believe he is so insecure, so easily provoked and not – not particularly – nearly as smart as people might imagine he is.” Wow, if Chrump is not as smart as I imagine he is…imagine that.

I. Mangrey reporting.

UPDATE: July 19, 2016, 1:00 PM

Donald Chrump has the best words (He clearly does not, but that’s what he told us.); maybe that's why Melania “borrowed” hers from Michelle Obama.
                                                                                               

I. Mangrey’s Holiday Four Play

World’s Greatest Loser. The Best.

“There are two man-made things that are visible from 50 miles up. One of course is the Great Wall of China and the other...Donald Trump’s hair.” – Joke performed by David Letterman in 2005, written by Johnny Carson

 

Feel Independent While You Can

July 4, 2016 

First he went after the Mexicans and many spoke out even though they were not Mexican. Then he went after women and many spoke out even though they were not women. Then he went after the handicapped and many spoke out even though they were not handicapped. Then he went after the Muslims and many spoke out even though they were not Muslim. Now he’s going after the Jews…what the hell took him so long?

Recently seen and more recently deleted tweet from Herr Chrumpler

Donald Chrump continues his Give America the Finger tour. Although he remains very busy retweeting white supremacist garbage, he is also in the process of finding a running mate. Thus far he had his hair set on being his own running mate to cut down on expenses and wasteful conversations with people who are not him. Word on the street is that he is looking at Chris Christie, Mike Pence and the ever pompous, thrice married (cheating on one wife while claiming Bill Clinton had no moral character during the Lewinsky affair), left-in-disgrace-because-of-ethics-violations ex-Speaker of the House Newton Leroy Gingrich. 

Disgraced ex-House Speaker, failed presidential candidate and
failed repeat adulterer Newt Gingrich out for a stroll

I. Mangrey reporting. Paying attention so you don’t have to.

 

Clearly the asshole doesn’t fall far from the tree. I guarantee.

Mr. Chrump’s Neighborhood

July 3, 2016 

Will Kaufman recently discovered never before published lyrics by Guthrie including some referring to Fred Chrump, Donald’s daddy. In December 1950, Woody Guthrie signed a lease at the Beach Haven apartment complex, landlorded over by the elder Chrump. According to Kaufman Woody was soon “lamenting the bigotry that pervaded his new, lily-white neighborhood,” the way Woody did:

I suppose
Old Man Trump knows
Just how much
Racial Hate he stirred up
In the bloodpot of human hearts
When he drawed
That color line
Here at his
Eighteen hundred family project

American patriot Woody Guthrie

 

(According to the Village Voice, Fred Trump's organization was sued by the the U.S. Justice Department's Civil Rights Division in 1973.)

Talk Is Cheap 

Chrump’s spokes-idiots are unable to speak for him or about any of his policies. I imagine trying to describe what Chrump is thinking or planning at any given moment is like trying to hold the wind, or more accurately freshly broken wind. Any time one of his greasy grifters is asked if their boss believes such-and-such or thinks this-or-that the response is, “I can’t speak for Mr. Chrump. You’ll have to ask him that yourself.”  

“Donald J. Chrump is calling for a complete shutdown on Muslims entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out what the hell is going on.” This we are told means that Chrump is not calling for a complete shutdown on Muslims entering the country, the problem is the media and the public misinterpreting his words. 

We just learned that Chrump is a recently born again Christian. Claims are being made that he did “accept a relationship with Christ.” Jesus could not be reached for comment as to whether or not he would accept a relationship with The Don. Given that Jesus was a known socialist, what with his palling around with prostitutes, lepers, the meek and the poor, chasing the money lenders from the temple and all that – not to mention all those nice Jewish boys with whom he was so “close”, there is a certain degree of surprise that Chrump would want to be in a committed relationship with a guy like that, but hey it is an election year. So in some way it makes perfect sense; he told us in February – “Nobody reads the Bible more than me.” I’m sure he will make an excellent Christian as soon as he stops fantasizing about having incest with his daughter and stops divorcing everyone he marries. After all, he is a man of his word…well, maybe not his word, but he is a man of somebody’s word. If Chrump is a good Christian, then I am the walrus. Goo goo gajoob. And nobody reads Atlas Shrugged more than me. 

I. Mangrey reporting.

 

Who is Who? More Importantly, Why?

At The Circus
July 2, 2016

Hillary Clinton changed a number of positions faster than you can say Mitt Romney. She parroted everything Bernie Sanders said on the campaign trail as though she believed just about everything he did. She assumed positions she had never taken before on a host of issues. Hillary must have been doing a lot of political yoga before she started campaigning. She knew she was in a fight she never expected to be in and she knew that Bernie was killin’ it. So she tried to out-Bernie Bernie. Time will tell if she is Bernie enough to win the White House in November.

Now the shoe is on the other fool. But there is a twist. Chrump, rather than parroting Hillary’s position on the issues, has turned the whole thing upside down. In his fevered conspiracy-theory driven delirium, Chrump is accusing Hillary of essentially being him. The “most corrupt person ever to run for president”. Check. A “world class liar”. Check. Failed at everything she has done. Check. He said ISIS dreams of Hillary becoming president. Check. And just to put the assing on the cake he called Elizabeth Warren a fraud and a racist (immediately after once again tarring her with the racist epithet "Pocahontas"). He just can’t help himself…or us.

Confronted with the fact that Hillary called him the king of debt Chrump quickly shot back, “No, I called myself the King of Debt. I’m the King of Debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune using debt.”* He may or may not have added, “Hillary is the king of losing. Nobody loses more than her. She is the king. I promise you. Nobody goes bankrupt more than Corrupt Hillary. Nobody rips off more contractors, customers or investors. She’s just the worst. I can tell you. Believe me. And her hands are so small. She has very small hands. She is the worst of the worst. I am the best you will ever see. Vote Chrump or we all die. It’s not me saying that. Many people are telling me this. Many people. I would never say that.”

He did say of Hillary Clinton (in between spewing long-ago-debunked conspiracy theories): “I will never say this…but she screams it drives me crazy. I didn’t say it. I can’t listen.”* Really? He can’t listen because of her screaming? If only there was some kind of technology, some way for Donald to hear his own voice, like some kind of mirror for sounds. He clearly has not figured out how to use the mirror that works for seeing; what else could explain his hair? If Chrump could somehow listen to his own voice he might come to realize that his voice makes Hillary sound like Ella Fitzgerald.

* Real-actual-not-made-up quotes

I Will Never Say This…

It would be exceedingly rude to call Chrump a lying sack of shit. That is why I will do no such thing. Frankly I am apalled that so many thousands of people all over the world are calling him a lying sack of shit. Perhaps they have exhaustive and incontrovertible proof of him lying over and over and over about just about every subject under the sun. I still don’t think that makes it right to call Donald J. Chrump a lying sack of shit. How anyone would be so cruel, however honest, about a “tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon” is beyond me.

 

I. Mangrey reporting. Paying attention so you don’t have to.

 

Campaign Cock Tool

July 1, 2016

He Has the Best Endorsers

People Chrump says are 100% with him include a number of notables, many of whom are apparently unaware that they support him any%. Of course we already know (because he keeps telling us so that we will think it’s really true) that the blacks love him. And nobody is better with women than Chrump (he told us that too, though most women seem completely unaware of how much they love him). Also the Muslims and Hispanics are going to vote for him in yuuuuuuuge numbers (at the self-loathers will). But what about specific people? Some names that stand out are boxing promoter Don King who seems to have said he supports Chrump and then not, Steelers quarterback and occasional rape suspect Ben Roethlisbeger – also unaware that he supports Chrump 100. Add to these the burgeoning laundry list of Republican’t governors, senators and congress-people hoping to keep their jobs and now treating Chrump as a political leper. Many people are saying that Chrump will announce other high-profile 100% endorsements next week including Bruce Springsteen, Tommy Smothers, Benjamin Franklin, Noam Chomsky, Antonin Scalia, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Barack Obama and Bernie Sanders. They all love him. Don’t you? And Chrump just tweeted that Helen Keller told him personally that she supports him. What? Too soon?

Chrump’s campaign manager and defender of despots the world over Paul Manafort told Chuck Todd on Meet the Press, “The good thing is, we have a candidate who doesn’t need to figure out what’s going on in order to say what he wants to do.” The first true words to come out of the Chrump campaign – true…but stupid. This candidate had no idea what Brexit was until a day or two before the referendum even though he was planning to be in Scotland (to hawk the grand re-opening of his golf course, because that’s what presidents do) the morning after the vote. Oh, and even though he claims to be running for president. Once he heard about it he thought it was a great idea, and after the pound took an historic nosedive said, “I don’t think it will affect me personally that much.” Whew. While in Scotland Sir Donald of Orange crowed about what a great thing Brexit was. Scotland voted to remain in the EU 63% to 37%. You Brexit, you bought it.

Scotland responds to Chrump’s take on Brexit

International Man of Misery

Some of Chrump’s most ardent supporters seem to be supporters of ISIS. According to a counterterrorism analyst, “It’s clear they find his comments, they find his demeanor, they find his approach, in some way serving the goals of ISIS…” His hatred and bigotry fuel theirs quite nicely. Heck of a job Chrumpy. Not to be swayed by, or in any way familiar with the facts Chrump said of ISIS, "They want her to get in so badly. They have dreams at night, and their dreams are that Hillary Clinton becomes president of our country." I got nothin’.

I. Mangrey reporting. Wherefore art thou?