Playing The Trump Cards

MAJOR GENERAL ANNOUNCEMENT

December 22, 2022

Disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president and professional life-long grifter Donald Trump, who continues to insist he is still president, has once again drenched himself with shame and ignominy with yet another pathetic scam to bilk his mentally-challenged supporters. This time we find Dumb Donald hawking kitschy (i.e., pathetic and ugly) digital trading cards. For a mere $99 you (well, not you, but someone nothing like you) can “have” for your very own (sort of) a custom made photoshopped image of Trump – though not one of your own choosing, but instead a randomly selected one – delivered to…your email?

These images depict El Trumpo as many things he has never been – astronaut, military man, cowboy, football player, elephant rider, president…and all of them show Donald the Hutt as svelte as all get-out. As if all that was not enough, each purchase entitled the buyer to enter a lottery to win any of a number of special prizes, one of which was lunch with the Donald itself.

Fortunately for you, it's already too late to get your filthy little hands on any of Trump's long awaited In-The-Pokey-Mon Cards. For one thing, they never really existed in the first place – they were worthless NFTs, whatever the fuck they are (were). If you don’t understand exactly, or even vaguely, what NFTs are, then good for you. Also, according to the biggest liar in the history of humankind (despite not being fully human, but some bizarre, experiment-gone-very-very-wrong human/animal hybrid) – Donald Trump – these ersatz digital excretions sold out almost immediately. Just like Trump himself. Chances are, he had them bought up by a sympathetic (emphasis on pathetic) party, or simply bought them himself, or more likely made them disappear, or most likely the whole event was fake news designed to distract the spotlight away from other things like being referred to the Justice Department for insurrection and other bad behavior, or his tax returns finally seeing the light of day. We really need to start ignoring anything he says or does unless it involves him testifying or being frog-marched out of Mor-on Lago.

For those of you stuck in a horrible depression, having missed out on the dumbest opportunity of a lifetime – this side of investing with Sam Bankman-Fried's cryptocurrency scam FTX – we here at Paying Attention™ feel your digital pain. We are making available our own very beautiful none-of-a-kind custom images of the greatest president since P.T. Barnum, purely out of love for you, the American people, and not as a way to con you out of your hard-earned dollars – hopefully, millions and millions of dollars.

Trump In The Wind, Little Donny In Bed With Food, Don With Binky,
Tweeting In The Oval, Fuckface Von Clownstick & Jon Stewart, Trump & Pet COVIDs,
MAGAmorphosis, Don & Vlad Forever, Trumpiñata, Daffy Don

But wait, there’s more…

Donny Dowrong, Hair Trump: Der Furor, Trump Stress Conference,
Trumpolini Testifies, Dead Trump Sketch, Maj. “King” Trump Riding The Bomb,
Trump Of Man, Trump Gets His Way, Cave Trumps Hunting Rats

As a special offer for this wonderful holiday season – yes, that’s right I said holiday season – the wonderful people here at Paying Attention™ are making these incredible images of “your favorite president of all time – better than Lincoln, better than Washington”* available, for a limited time only for a mere $1,000,000 each. You, and you alone will be the exclusive owner of the very, very beautiful image of your choice.** And you can even choose the one you want, none of this random assignment shit you get from other scam artists. Act now and get an ice crusher.

Ann Artist at work

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*Yes, he actually fucking said this in his MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT
**Unless someone else is also willing to buy the same one

Ann Artist
Art Director, Paying Attention™

Schmuck Of The Day: Son of Scam

The Fruit Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

December 19, 2022

The Shit Doesn’t Fall Far From The Asshole

Donald Fucking Junior was at some right-wing whine and sleaze fest complaining – on stage, in public (not to mention constantly on social media) – about being silenced.

“What the hell is wrong with you people? My father was
the best president since President George III” Don Trump, Jr.,
shown here holding onto his brain for dear life

Someone should tell Son of Scam that there’s a big difference between being silenced and most people not giving a flying fuck what the hell you are saying.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. No contest.

Thought For The Day

(Crowd) Size Matters

December 17, 2022

I truly believe that in general Joe Biden is trying to do what he can for this country – all of this country, as opposed to the Ratpublican focus on doing what is best for the wealthiest 1%. There can be no question that Biden and the Democrats, with the glaring exceptions of Joe Mansion and Kyrsten Say-no-ma, are the only ones trying to salvage voting rights in this country.

I have been holding off on reporting this story, hoping that Biden would finally wake up and do the important work of presidenting. However, I just cannot comprehend Biden's continued refusal to address the critical issue of crowd size. Whether it be his inauguration, his rallies, his upcoming State of The Union address, which will likely be boycotted by the disloyal opposition, who are too busy kissing Putin’s ass.

Biden has steadfastly refused to address this critical issue that was all but the sole focus of the previous, and to more than two thirds of Ratpublicans, still current administration, albeit in absentia.

“Bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bing” bitches!

Sorry Joe, no one can out-Bing, bing, bong, bong, bing, bing the master baiter

Come on Joe, on January 6^th Donny Danger was so big on size he was willing to bring a bunch of armed lunatics into his very great pre-insurrection pep rally to make his insignificant penis crowd look bigly. Admittedly, he knew the knife, spear, bear spray, handgun, assault rifle-toting throng was not there to hurt him, they were there to hurt you, but still it takes…something…to let all those unhinged fascists join his hatefest. And he made sure to tell everyone that it was the biggest crowd ever gathered anywhere. Ever.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

SPECIAL FEATURE: PAYING ATTENTION™ DAILY AFFIRMATION

December 16, 2022

Disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Donald Trump and dozens of his congressional hench-monkeys continue to find themselves under a judicial microscope for plotting to overturn the 2020 election of Joe Biden and inciting an insurrection to overthrow the government. 

As always, The-Once-And-Future-Thing attempted to distract from his all-you-can-tweet buffet of legal imbroglios. Two days ago Trump teased a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT that would be revealed the following day.

Yes, he actually posted this (and it was a video)

It turned out the MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT was that the former Grifter in-Chief was selling crap. Did he mention he's really rich?

I couldn’t make this shit up, believe me.
And if I could, I wouldn’t.
But if I did, you should shun me.

Only $99 each – collect them none

Even Trump aficionado and human sewer Steve Bannon said, “Make it stop.”

Unfortunately, there have been too many times when we have seen Donald Turmp under fire, under investigation, under interrogation, under oath, only to emerge nowhere near scathed enough to satisfy truth, justice or the American way. Once again, those of us with IQs that are not preceded by a decimal point find ourselves hoping against hope, watching as the Russian-roulette-cylinders of justice spin ceaselessly, with the barrel of justice now pointed squarely at the orange-dyed temple of the man who tried to steal America. Will it finally land on the chamber with the proverbial bullet in it when the metaphorical trigger is pulled? Will the trigger ever actually be pulled?

In any event, let us bathe ourselves in positive thoughts and imagery, that we may summon into existence that which we desire. Here is a little something to help set the mood:

This has been your Paying Attention™ Daily Affirmation
It’s like a moment of Zen, only more New Agey.

Question For The Day

December 14, 2022

Today's question concerns the dangerously vindictive, brutally narcissistic, disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president:

The only question that remains is: Did Donald Trump steal classified documents from the United States in order to sell them to the highest bidder, or to commit even more treason against the country he pretended to lead for four of the longest years in American history in some other way?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

Thought For The Day

Enough With This Faux Bipartisanshit

December 12, 2022

We should have suspected that the Ratpublican Party wanted nothing to do with America when they chose an elephant as their symbol. While the elephant is a wonderful and intelligent being (two traits which could never be associated with Ratpublicans) there are no elephants found naturally in North America, except for those brought here against their will as slaves (mostly from Africa, ironically enough) to be put on display, mostly for the pleasure of white people.

Actual, real elephants in Africa

Fucked up, phony elephants in America

Yes, the symbol of the Democratic Party is a Jackass, which has some less-than-flattering connotations, but does at least inhabit this land. It is time for Ratpublicans to update their image to something more American, like a weasel, or better yet, an oil spill. Leave the majestic and already-tortured Elephants out of this mess. 

Rogue Elephant

Speaking of brain-damaged animals, Marge Trailer Greene was bragging to a room of MAGAts that she and twice-convicted (so far) felon Steve Bannon would have done a more Second Amendment-y, more successful overthrow of the United States government (you know, the one she is currently pretending to be part of) than her peeps perpetrated on Jan 6, if they had been in charge. Heckofa job Margie.

“I got to tell you something, if Steve Bannon and I had organized that, we would have won. Not to mention, it would’ve been armed.”
                  Marjorie Taylor Greene, December 10, 2022

So, next time Marge? I know this plea has been a bit over and much less appropriately used but please, for democracy's sake, “Lock her up.” After a fair trial of course. But don't get too persnickety on the jury-of-her-peers business.

And remember, approximately 27,000,000 of Turmp’s Ratpublicans believe that Joe Biden’s presidency is illegitimate and should be overturned using violence. No self-respecting elephant would be caught anywhere near such pathetic losers. Real elephants are caring and intelligent.

King Crimson – Elephant Talk

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

Schmuck Of The Day

Just Can’t Keep Up With This Shit

December 10, 2022

Not that it’s likely to make any substantive difference, but Kyrsten Sinema has – one assumes in order to take the headlines away from Warnock’s victory and the thought of Democrats even pretending to have a 51-49 Senate majority – renounced her make-believe status as a Democrat and changed her affiliation to make-believe independent, joining the likes of Angus King (I-ME) and Bernie Sanders (I-VT). I don’t imagine either of these thoughtful gentlemen cares to be lumped in with the ludicrous likes of Sinema (I-Me, Me, Mine).

While this may look like a Saturday Night Live sketch, it is actually Kyrsten
Sinema hanging on every word and one arm of Ratpublican Rob Portman.

This should garner Sinema much attention from voters…just kidding, it’s being wined and dined by mega-lobbyists with bottomless wallets that the junior joke from Arizona craves.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.

Fuckin’ Joe Manchin

November 9, 2022

With the 2022 midterm election season finally sorted out – though it was a sickening squeaker, Democrats now have 51 Senate seats (numerically speaking), and Georgia voters barely discarded an intellectually-challenged, woman-abusing, baby killer (by his own standards, not mine) over a preacher and incumbent Senator with a strong record of working with the opposition – we can prepare to reflect back on just what happened. We can also unfortunately return to a long-time Paying Attention™ pastime. One we wish we could retire to the dustbin of history, but alas, we cannot. And so it is time to turn our attention once more to fuckin’* Joe Manchin.

Despite having that one last implausibly thrilling Senate race concluded, we will apparently continue to have Joe Fucking Mansion and his fanatical fossil fucking fuel fetishism foisting its fecal foolishness upon a very suspecting nation.

But seriously, is there not one even minimally-sane Ratpublican? Not one who has had enough of the Trumpian racism, sexism, fascism, lies, hatred and ignorance to turn away and to something constructive? We cannot let slide Ratpublicans’ part in all the stupidity and stagnation. With 51 Democratic Senate seats (49 real ones), can this country not find one actual patriot on the other side of the chasm we call an aisle to make either Manchin or his idiot partner in slime Kyrsten Sinema irrelevant on a few things that help someone other than the filthy rich? One?

What A Piece Of Shit

In his latest quest to be America’s biggest asshole (pretty stiff competition, but Manchin will not be easily denied), the West Virginia coal-soaked multi-millionaire, who claims to be a friend of the working man – and the Democratic Party, once again held shut the door on Joe Biden, Democrats and more hard-working Americans he pretends to care about. Mansion couldn't see fit to even begrudgingly allow the rail workers seven fucking sick days a year. Rail workers currently get zero paid sick days – in America. On that day, there were even six Ratpublicans, including sniveling weasel Marco Rubio and the hateful, hated Ted Cruz, who voted to okay the deal. There were some gains for the workers, but apparently seven paid sick days was a railroad trestle too far.

Hopefully, now that Rafael Warnock has defeated the brain-dead Herschel Walker twice and for all, maybe 49 Democrats can persuade the silly-putty-brained Sinema to get on board and finally relegate Mansion to the coal-dustbin of history once and for all.

The only redeeming quality that can be attributed to Manchin is that, unlike fellow asshole Kanye West, Manchin has not proclaimed his love for Hitler and the Nazis…at least not publicly.

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*This wonderful and versatile word is, for today’s performance, playing the part of both adjective and verb.

I. Mangrey reporting.

In Memoriam

On This Day In 1980

December 8, 2022

John Lennon Memorial – Strawberry Fields, Central Park, NYC

December 8, 1980, another date that will live in infamy. The day legendary musician, songwriter and activist John Lennon was gunned down in front of the The Dakota apartment building in Manhattan. Further proof that, as Mike Love wrote in the Beach Boys’ Student Demonstration Time, “The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for a gun.”

John Lennon statue – Havana, Cuba

Watching The Wheels

Nobody Told Me

Gimme Some Truth

Also happens to be Jim Morrison’s birthday.

People Are Strange

An American Prayer

One more for the road...

Instant Karma