F**k R**k Santorum

Dan Savage Had it Righter Than Rain

Pennsylvania
March 28, 2018

Santorum, the term coined by San Francisco columnist Dan Savage to denote the "frothy mixture of lubricant and fecal matter resulting from anal intercourse," and, not in the least coincidentally, the surname of former one-term senator from Pennsylvania refuses to keep his Santorum-filled mouth shut. The Frothy One did not care for the gut-wrenching, inspirational oratory and subsequent largest-crowd-ever-gathered-in-Washington, DC, in response to the horrendous mass murder at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Pennsylvania’s most famous fetus fetishist did not seem nearly as outraged over the shooting itself as he was over the March for Our Lives on March 24^th. Santorum – the ex-senator, not the frothy mixture – said, “How about kids instead of looking to someone else to solve their problem, do something about maybe taking CPR classes or trying to deal with situations that when there is a violent shooter that you can actually respond to that.” So exercising their First Amendment rights, attempting to influence the debate, registering people to vote, and preparing to affect legislation to protect life and curtain gun abuse is nothing more than “looking to someone else to solve their problem” to the man who values “life” in the womb much more than that outside the womb. I do try to watch my language here, but Santorum is one sick motherfucker, and believe me, I’m keeping it much cleaner than I would like to.

Forget the monstrous stupidity of pairing CPR, which is most likely the last thing needed for someone with gunshot wounds. What is almost as stupid, is the fact that it is still so easy to be involuntarily exposed to the sight and sound of Rick Santorum, who clearly has absolutely nothing constructive or intelligent to add to the public discourse. There is a reason why he was a one-term senator, who got crushed in his bid for re-election. And remember, Pennsylvania is so pathetic that in 2016 it went for Donald Chrump.

I was going to ignore Little Ricky latest lapse in judgment, intelligence and humanity, but then I had the misfortune of seeing him again, as he tried to backtrack from his latest disgracefully ignorant statement. It harkened back to Ricky trying to explain away his, “I don’t want to make bla…people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money” Freudian slip, by insisting he was not about to say ‘black people,’ but was in fact saying ‘blah people.’ Nice try you disgusting maggot.

Once again unable to sustain normal human empathy, he went and played the I-condemn-both-sides card when Chris Cuomo challenged Santorum’s idiocy. Cuomo told Santorum, "We actually can't [have civil discourse on guns] because we are distracted by all of these efforts of attacking the kids, saying they didn't go to the school, likening them to Nazis, making fun of young women, lying about what they do. That's what people are your side of the fence are doing." Santorum shot back, "There have been boogeymen on both sides. There are things we can see which is demonization. You point to the right. I would point to the left.”

Cuomo clearly nauseated by the froth oozing from Santorum’s face sphincter.

 

Can’t we vote him off the television? Santorum's single redeeming quality is that he is not John Bolton.

I. Mangrey regurgitating. His type really makes me puke.

 

For What It’s Worth (Quite a Bit, I Hope)

Something Happened in The Streets

Almost Everywhere
March 25, 2018

 

Washington, DC - March 24, 2018

 

I was unable to join in any of the many March For Our Lives events all across the globe yesterday. Hundreds of thousands marched to change America’s insane gun fetish – reportedly 800,000 in Washington, DC alone. Demonstrations took place in hundreds of American cities including Philadelphia, Houston, Boston, Chicago, Baltimore, Los Angeles and San Francisco. There were solidarity events in countries across the globe – including Israel, New Zealand, Australia, the U.K., Japan, Germany, Belgium, India, France and Chile. Apparently, the whole world is almost as concerned about our gun violence as they are about our Dear Leader.

Philadelphia 76ers' Ben Simmons during yesterday’s game

 

The creature squatting in the White House was, as usual, AWOL. The Orange Gas Cloud, pledged to take on the gun issue, until the winds shifted due to the NRA blowing gun residue in his face. On this day, Chrump was hiding out at his Mor-on Lago resort, with nothing to say about this remarkable event. In fact, his motorcade went out of its way to avoid having #45 see any protesters - possibly more out of their own self-preservation than sparing his widdle feewings. Chrump's own personal “news” network – Fux News – was the only major network to spend the day trying to pretend these marches did not happen. Two days before the marches, an obsequious interviewer asked Der Furor what advice he would give to his 25 year old self, to which Chrumpy the Clown responded, “Don’t run for president.” Few events in history have warranted time travel more strongly. Maybe he would be the one person who he might have listened to, since he ignored the very same advice proffered by countless people just two short years ago. Chrump could have just told himself not to run then.

You might recognize the building in the background.
Its current part-time occupant would probably not.

Our nation’s irresponsible (according to the folks at Fux and their ilk) youth, starting with survivors of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, where a gunman killed 17 people and injured others on Valentine's Day, in little over a month organized these events. One of the most important aspects of these marches in the U.S. was voter registration. Republican’ts are known for their ability to marshal rabid single-issue voters when it comes to sexual orientation issues and women’s right to choose. They just might get a taste of their own poison medicine when hundreds of thousands of new minted, newly energized young voters and all those who hear their voices and stand with them, swarm to the polls to oust those claiming to represent people, while instead representing the NRA.

You might recognize the building in the background.
Too many of those who work there do so for the NRA. 

Name That Goon

 

Interestingly, no less than Ronald Reagan – then-governor of California – and the NRA were staunch supporters of severe gun control laws a while back:

In 1967 St. Ronnie Reagan – in cahoots with the NRA – imposed draconian gun restrictions via the Mulford Act in California when the Black Panthers decided to exercise the same Constitutional rights enjoyed by white people while patrolling the streets to keep their neighborhoods safe from police. Can you believe that back in the 20th century black people in America had to fear for their lives…from the police? Thank God those days are over.   

    Black Panthers exercising their God-given right to bear arms in 1967.     

California Republicans eagerly supported increased gun control once the Panthers began their own open carry movement. Governor Reagan told reporters that he saw “no reason why on the street today a citizen should be carrying loaded weapons.” He called guns a “ridiculous way to solve problems that have to be solved among people of good will.” Reagan also said he didn’t “know of any sportsman who leaves his home with a gun to go out into the field to hunt or for target shooting who carries that gun loaded.” The Mulford Act, he said, “would work no hardship on the honest citizen.” (reposted from July 1, 2016)

To paraphrase Funkadelic, circa 1978: Vote, vote, it ain’t illegal yet. Voting – it’s coming to a machine near you in just seven short months. This election could be the first step toward changing our gun laws, the first step toward freeing ourselves from the asphyxiating grip of Chrumpublican’ts, and the first step (possibly second or third by then) toward the early exit of the 45^th and only gas-based president of the United States. Be sure to stock up on Votegra for everyone you know.   

I. Mangrey reporting. Stop or I’ll shoot you a glance.                                                                                                            

Fascism For Dummies

Kremlin de la Kremlin

March 22, 2018

Our very funny prezident continues to put his very tremendous sense of humor on display. Most recently he ignored stringent, unambiguous instruction from national security advisers. The all-caps phrase, "DO NOT CONGRATULATE" was included in Chrump’s daily briefing in the hope of dissuading Der Furor from heaping praise on Vladimir Putin after his latest “election.” Maybe the briefing did not have enough pretty pictures to divert Chrump’s attention from Fux and Friends…or his mirror.

Chrump did not happen to mention the poisoning (and imminent deaths) of an ex-Russian spy and his daughter in London, which everyone else in the world has condemned since it was carried out using a nerve agent developed and maintained nowhere else but Russia. Chrump’s briefing also clearly advised him to bring this up. And not in a congratulatory way.

Breaking Out the Good China

At a less recent closed-door fundraiser at Mor-on-Lago, the Comedian-in-chief made it clear he was very impressed with China’s president Xi Jinping consolidating power and removing term limits to keep himself in office. Everyone knows Chrump was kidding when he said, “He's now president for life, president for life. And he's great. And look, he was able to do that. I think it's great. Maybe we'll have to give that a shot someday.” This was met with cheers and applause from Chrump’s supporters. Everyone else is checking their blood pressure, updating their passports and ordering massive quantities of Rent-A-Coma.

Rent-A-Coma – It’s there when you don’t want to be.
Click here to learn more



For his next trick, Chrump is rolling out his trade war with China. I guess Baby Donald is inconsolably jealous about Xi having a better dictatorship than he has. I hope we can keep it that way, and while Xi might get to be president for life, Chrump will get to be president for months. 

Meanwhile…

Arthur Jones ran unopposed in IL-03 Republican’t primary

Since pedophiles are not quite despicable enough, the Republican’ts are running a real live Nazi – a former leader of the American Nazi Party – for congress in Illinois. Arthur Jones is a Holocaust denier who has been disavowed (or so it is said; I choose to deny it, having seen no actual proof) by his own party, but he is a Republican’t and a Chrump supporter. Go figure.

I. Mangrey reporting. Laughing so much it hurts.

WHICH HUNT?

With Enemies Like This, Who Has Friends?

March 19, 2018

The Congress, intelligence agencies and the American people have finally seen the possibility of making some progress against this nation’s greatest enemy in the 21^st Century. It might only be a minor victory and it may not last, but it is something, which at this point seemed virtually impossible to imagine. With an enemy like this, one can hardly hope to exact a quick, complete victory, so any step in the right direction is more than welcome.

Retired Four-star Army General Barry McCaffrey – not to be confused with Porn-star General Stormy Daniels – dubbed this enemy, “a serious threat to U.S. national security.” He was referring, of course, to the Orange Gas Cloud, America’s only president who is also a weapon of mass destruction.

Donald Chrump’s relentless effort to aid and abet the Russian dictatorship’s cyber war on the United States, et al, has finally hit a roadblock. Despite Der Furor’s unending efforts to thwart the will of the nation, the sanctions a bipartisan, veto-proof majority of both Houses of Congress might finally, begrudgingly see the light of day. We are told that Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin took time away from swimming in currency and flying around on military aircraft at great expense to taxpayers, and signed off on sanctions against a number of Russian individuals and entities.

Damage? Control?

Chrump is now in full psycho mode, firing people left and right, and inciting his base with hateful, authoritarian, racist, misogynist rhetoric. He is increasingly desperate as he can feel Robert Mueller’s breath on the back of his neck despite the protective armor provided by his “hair”. The real irony is that Robert Mueller actually does have the best people. Mueller has finally subpoenaed Chrump Organization documents as part of his Russia investigation. This is precisely the Red Line Chrump threatened would be the one Mueller dare not cross. Could this be the smoking broom of Mueller’s Witch Hunt? Or will Chrump finallty try to fire Mueller with a tweet.

Considering the fact that Chrump lies so consistently about everything about everything, there might be some rough winds ahead for the “hair” that roared. I am willing to bet that the persistent obstruction of justice will not work in his favor either. One of Chrump’s idiot lawyers, John Dowd – who last year was overheard talking strategy with fellow idiot lawyer Ty Cobb in an open-air restaurant frequented by reporters – is now calling for Mueller to end his investigation, for reasons known only to Dowd. In true Chrumpian style, Dowd initially said he was speaking on behalf of the president, then quickly reversed himself, saying that he was only speaking on behalf of himself.

Chrump, though he never actually fires anyone face-to-face like he did on the idiot box (never more idiotic than when he is on it), is looking to lose considerably more heads in the musical chairs West Wing he runs like his fake boardroom on The Apprentice. He recently croaked, “I am very close to having the cabinet I want”. Which begs the question, who was the fucking moron who picked out the first batch? It appears as though Chrump’s swamp is draining him.

Der Furor trotted out his latest attempts at self-sabotage late last week. He saw to it that ex-FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe was fired one day before his previously announced retirement after 21 years with the Bureau was to take effect, thus jeopardizing his pension. Chump also made sure that he personally exposed as lies all of his pathetic attempts to deny his dalliance with Stormy Daniels. Either that or he is suing Daniels for talking about an affair that never happened. I hate to admit it, but it’s times like these that make me think about all the times Obama obstructed justice and all the porn stars he paid to keep quiet for no reason whatsoever. What a bastard. America is so much better now.

Andrew McCabe, speaking on his own behalf, said that his firing was part of the Chrump administration’s “ongoing war on the FBI.” 

Don't forget, all of these witch hunters are Republicans 

 

Chrump is drugged and spirited away to a golf course after tweeting
that the firing of Andrew McCabe was, “a great day for Democracy.”
Democracy could not be reached for comment.

 

Our beat reporters have learned from reliable sources that Chrump is finally planning to fulfill his promise to shoot someone in broad daylight in the middle of Fifth Avenue. It is on his schedule for early April, somehow squeezed in between golf outings.

I. Mangrey reporting. And beat.                                                   

                                                                              

Enjoy the Ides of March

The Dumbest Show on Earth

March 15, 2018

A study showed that it took a true statement about six times as long as a falsehood to be read by 1,500 people on Twitter.

Fux News is asking Elizabeth Warren to take a DNA test to prove her Native American heritage.

Steve Bannon told French neo-fascists to embrace their hate and bigotry. “Let them call you racists. Let them call you xenophobes. Let them call you nativists. Wear it as a badge of honor.” Some reports indicate that he added, “Let the rest of them wear gold stars on their sleeves.”

Speaking of which, Chrump’s sugardaddy, Putin says maybe it was Jews who interfered with our elections in order to put the Orange Gas Cloud in the White House.

Prezidents Say The Darndest Things or…
Out of The Mouths of Boobs

Meanwhile, back at the golf course, Der Furor continues his insane authoritarian assault on the media. As always, Chrump claims that every horrifying thing that comes out of his face sphincter is just him being funny. We haven’t had anything this much drop-dead funny coming from a politician since the hilarious comedy stylings of Joseph McCarthy. What a laugh riot that guy was.

Hair Chrump also continued his own racist attacks on Elizabeth Warren, dusting off his idiotic nickname of Pocahontas, and ad hominem attack on African American Congresswomen Maxine Waters, saying “She's a low IQ individual.” As always, Chrump is talking about himself.

Chrump is a rabid, cornered animal who can barely keep from soiling his diaper every few minutes while lashing out at everything and everyone around him – except for Vladimir Putin and Stormy Daniels. Could it be that these two both have dick pic of Prezident Dickhead?

This just in…

 

Our extensive investigation has shown that someone in the Chrump White House is not involved in and debauchery, spousal abuse, money laundering, porn star payoffs, conspiring with enemies of the state, embezzlement or abuse of power of any kind – including buying $30K dining room sets, $139K doors or $43K cones-of-silence (or is it cone-of-silences?). At least not this week. And, of course, this is subject to change as the interminable game of musical chairs enters round 87. No doubt the second string will be much better behaved. Probably the third and fourth as well. Unless or course, this administration comes to an untimely end for some reason.

We are prohibited from divulging the current miscreant’s name due to national security concerns. What we can share is that this individual will likely be moving on to pursue other opportunities in the near future.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled covfefe.

I. Mangrey refraining. Great Caesars’s ghost.

New Meat

Another Day, Another Departure

McChrumpy’s White House
March 7, 2018

Donald Chrump goes through rich white meat puppets faster than he goes through wives, mistresses and cans of hair spray. One thing Hair Chrump truly is better at than anyone ever to “work” in the Oval Office, is losing or firing or having someone else fire people at the highest levels of his administration. Chrump is also a master of ignoring the advice of anyone and everyone who knows more than he does. He prefers to follow his gut, which is one of the most toxic environments in the galaxy, and undoubtedly means he is acting out of anger and colossal ignorance. The latest example being his hastily concocted tariff debacle. In truth, not so much concocted as spat out in a fit of pique, after briefly pulling his head and then some random numbers out of his ass.

The Very Hungry Prezident interviews a new advisorburger

On the heels of the West Wing departure du jour, Chrump is rumored to be looking at two cheeseburgers to replace the latest escapee from the Titanic of ships-of-state. The two cheeseburgers, both with the works, are expected to replace Gary Cohn as Chrump’s new chief economic advisor. Cohn, who essentially spent his entire post-college career with Goldman Sucks before almost drowning in Chrump’s Swamp, was said to be on his fourth last straw after Der Furor ignored Cohn’s advice and assaulted the world with his unhinged new trade tariff tantrum. When asked if there would be fries with the new economic guru, White House spokescreature Harrah Suckabee Handers simply screamed “fake news” and left the podium. Several people with firsthand knowledge said fries would be involved, adding, “Either way, no one expects any of them to last very long, and many of us are very worried about who his next replacement might be. I mean we’ve already had things like Sean Spicer, Steve Bannon, every cabinet member, Jared, Ivanka, Kellyanne Conway, Omarosa, Hope Hicks, etc. If you ask me, cheeseburgers are a serious step in the right direction, but still problematic.”

The Cheeseburger-in-chief claimed, “Many, many people want every single job…They all want a piece of that Oval Office, they want a piece of the West Wing.”* That is why everyone is leaving. They cannot stand the pressure of all the great people breathing down their necks to get their hands on their jobs. The Babbling Crook added, “So many people want to come in. I can have anybody.”*

“While it might be fair to say I’ve never met a cheeseburger I didn’t like, these are the best cheeseburgers I’ve ever met. That I can tell you. I’ve known these guys for many years. They are very smart and very loyal. I could have had anybody or any cheeseburger, but I’m going with these guys. They know more than almost anyone in my administration. I have spoken to them longly and I’m convinced that they will be the best economic advisors of all time. Believe me.”

Dangerous cornered animal discovered in West Wing

 

People are saying that Chrump is coming unglued. My question is – when the hell was he ever glued? Other than whatever holds his “hair” under control.

I. Mangrey retorting.

*actual quote

Jared's Double Secret Probation

By The Sores of Glitchy Gloomy

Lost in Amerika
March 5, 2018

Before we get to today's insanity, please stand for America the Beautiful, as sung by almost 70 percent of the American people.

Oh beautiful for Chrumpless lives
His amber wave on brain
For purple cheeks from holding breath
Until he goes away

America, America, we should have had Hillary (or Bernie)
To find our good, without that hood
Who shames us endlessly

Can You Creep a Secret?

Some of you might remember a guy called Jared Chrump, nee Kushner. He is working for no pay in the West Wing by the ample side of his father-in-law Don. As a master-of-no-one-knows-what, Jared is charged with reforming the criminal justice system, running the office of American innovation, reforming veteran health care, tackling the opioid epidemic and revamping the entire federal government. Oh, and brokering a Middle East peace deal. Young Jared’s previous experience was mostly crooked real estate deals (just like his dad-in-law) and being intimate with Ivanka (just like his dad-in-law?). Many of you haters out there probably think he has no business working in the White House. I know I do. But no matter, Jared has been literally slaving away since day one of the incredibly short Chrump Era.

Prince Jared has had his security clearance downgraded to Get-the-fuck-out-of-here-you-little-shit. True fun fact: The White House chief calligrapher has a higher security clearance than Jared. This is good news especially since we have learned that The United Arab Emirates, Israel, China and Mexico have been figuring out how to play Mr. Ivanka like a fiddle on the roof. These countries were planning to manipulate Kushner by taking advantage of the fact that his convoluted business is in the toilet, he has no experience in…well, anything – especially foreign policy – and he has a brain the size and stability of a subatomic particle. Oh, and he is an inherently dishonest, greedy conman. All of this, of course, runs in the Chrump family, and is a prerequisite if you plan to marry into it.

The Royal Pains in the Ass Family

 

Prince Jared has been having secret meetings with all kinds of people about all kinds of things, usually involving him fattening his wallet. He had meetings in the White House with numerous executives – bankers, hedge funders…you know, regular folks – and coincidentally saw over half a billion dollars in what are being called loans, from two of those very same executives, end up in Kushner’s companies. I am sure this is all perfectly legal and innocent. These things happen all the time. I long ago lost count of all the hundreds of millions of dollars in loans I have gotten over the years. You know what they say: Don’t ask, don’t ask.

While America will be safer with one less self-serving no-nothing having access to top secret information, there is still one tiny, little, humongous, gaping hole in the national security information flow. That would be the one man who is beyond the reach of the military, the intelligence community, and intelligence in general – Donald J. Chrump. This guy has access to everything and anything and no one can legitimately take it away from him. The only good news, is that he has very little interest and very little ability to understand any of the information that might penetrate his impregnable ego. That, unfortunately, has not stopped him from repeatedly divulging sensitive information that endangers our national security.

Our prezident - the man with the highest security clearance of all - is also busy aiding and abetting Russia’s election interference program. You know, the one that helped get him “elected”. U.S. Cyber Command chief Adm. Mike Rogers told lawmakers that Chrump has not granted the authority to disrupt Russian election hacking operations where they originate.

Our sources are thus far unable to determine what happens next to the First Son-in-law. While Chrump is standing by his man in public, it appears that he has asked his hatchet man and Chief-of-stuff John Kelly to get Jared (and Ivanka) out of the White House. Chrump of course, does not have the balls to actually fire anyone himself. We assume Mr. Ivanka will be considering “pursuing other opportunities”, which is the “to-spend-more-time-with-his-family” of the current administration. Besides, Kushner is already spending about as much time with his family as possible, since they are all right there in our White House, stealing our money, our sanity and our democracy.

Meanwhile, Republican’ts on the House Intelligence Committee leaked private texts containing classified information from Senate Intelligence Committee Ranking Member Mark Warner directly to Fux News. A spokesman for rogue congressman Devin Nunes, Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee and unpaid Donald Chrump operative, did not deny the allegations of Nunes’ latest leakage. Also, Putin announced his new Doomsday Machine, which can negate any type of defense, though he only showed the cartoon version so far. Chrump had no response. Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) wonders what Putin has on Chrump.

The original Doomsday Machine

Overall, I am damn glad I live on the East Coast because by the time they wake up on the other coast, there have already been five or six mind-blowing debacles to process.

I. Mangrey recoiling.                                                                                                    

                                                                                                 

Donny Get Your Gun

The Man With the Golden...Toilet

March 1, 2018

The bravest five-deferral-draft-dodger this side of Dick “Five Deferrals” Cheney once again bared his brain spurs in public. At least we know Cheney has the guts to shoot his friend right in the face. Sure, he was dead drunk at the time, and hunting for crippled birds, but at least he knows how to handle a firearm. This time Chrump was performing at a meeting of the National Governors Association. Chrump brushed off possible interference by the NRA for his purported morphing into someone who is willing to look into gun control measures. This kind of behavior is known in Republican’t circles as coming for all the guns and/or taking away the Second Amendment.

One picture is worth 1000 deaths;
clearly, two heads are not always better than one…or none

Chicken Big also bravely displayed his fake courage, in the safe, bone spur-friendly confines of the White House, surrounded by Secret Service. Delusional as always, the Coward-in-chief crowed, "You don't know until you're tested, but I think I really believe I'd run in there even if I didn't have a weapon…" Spoken like a man who has never been within ten miles of being tested. Chrump went on to demonstrate exactly how he would take down a crazed gunman wielding a military-style weapon and bent on mass murder:

Chrump demonstrates his impression of a brave man confronting an active AR-15

“Even without a weapon, I would have charged right in to that school and taken control of the situation – even if I didn’t have bullet-proof “hair”. It might not work for everyone, but believe me, my very big hands would protect me and anyone behind me. Don’t even worry about it. I was raised in a hail of bullets and other shooting activities. I actually don’t feel safe unless the bullets are flying. Bing, bing, bong, bong bing, bing, bing. In fact, if I saw a burning building full of kids, as long as they weren’t my kids – except for Ivanka – I would run right in there even if I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I mean, who wouldn’t? Am I right? Everyone who knows me knows I can handle myself in any situation; believe me. Believe me. Many people don’t know this, but I demanded that my Secret Service detail be relieved of duty because I can protect myself. I don’t need a bunch of guys with guns following me everywhere. All I need is a gun in my boot, and someone to help me bend down to get it when things get dicey.” My guess is that Donny, after having changed his diaper in response to the very sound of gunfire, would immediately soiled himself again.

The Bravest Coward Ever

Der Furor cannot stand the sight of blood. In 2008 he told Howard Stern this story about an event at Mor-on Lago:

“So what happens is, this guy falls off right on his face, hits his head, and I thought he died. And you know what I did? I said, ‘Oh my God, that’s disgusting,’ and I turned away,” said Trump. “I couldn’t, you know, he was right in front of me and I turned away. I didn’t want to touch him… he’s bleeding all over the place, I felt terrible. You know, beautiful marble floor, didn’t look so good. It changed color. Became very red…I was saying, ‘Get that blood cleaned up! It’s disgusting!’ The next day, I forgot to call to say was he okay. It’s just not my thing.”*

Just an all-around great guy, that Chrump. He is also afraid of stairs, germs, being poisoned by not eating fast food, non-aerosol hairspray, Hillary Clinton and anything vaguely resembling the truth. Nonetheless, he claims he would bravely run hair-long into a firefight armed with nothing but his giant, over-inflated ego. Oh, and bald eagles hate him.

via GIPHY

Chrump derided those on the scene who apparently did not act to take out the shooter the way he would have (in his fevered mind). He told the governors, “They really weren't exactly Medal of Honor winners.”* I imagine he added, “I know what it’s like to be brave. Remember, I was given a Purple Heart while I was running for president. As you know, it was extremely brave of me to run for president, probably one of the bravest things any American has ever done, but that’s just the way I am. Everybody knows that. Everybody. Just ask Ivanka.”

Der Furor finished his delusional harangue with, “So just in concluding, we have tremendous things happening. The country is doing well, and then we have a setback like this that’s so heart-wrenching. It’s so heart-wrenching. And we have to clean it up. We have to straighten it out. You know, it’s wonderful we’re setting records on the economy. We’re setting records.”* Yes, it surely was a real setback for 17 innocent people and their family and friends, but mostly for Donald J. Chrump. I am sure you feel as bad for him as I do. He continued on and on about what a great job he is doing, as always showing incredible empathy…for himself.

I. Mangrey responding.

*actual quote…seriously

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