Masks ‘r’ Us

Flatten The Curve, Not The Earth

The Real World
June 29, 2020

“What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful.
How true that is.”
Dan Quayle - in a speech to the United Negro College Fund, May, 1989

I’m getting really tired of folks who whine about wearing a mask to protect those around them. They say the mask is making them sick. Or maybe you heard the testimony of one genius Floridian woman: “I don’t wear a mask for the same reason I don’t wear underwear; things gotta breathe.” Clearly, she is breathing through the wrong orifice and the oxygen is not quite making the long, futile trek to her brain. These mental defectives are making me sick, having to listen to them and the nuts…I’m sorry, experts they quote from the internets. I wonder who these people are planning to vote for in November. Just kidding.

Another Florida genius 

A woman I spoke with told me she wasn’t buying all this virus pandemic nonsense and doesn’t think wearing a mask does anything good. Turns out she also believes climate change is fake because they used to call it ‘global warming.’ She insisted that 97% of climate scientists versus 3% of climate scientists proves there are two equally valid sides to the story. She had no answer when asked what she thought about the fact that it is 100°F in Siberia.

I’m running near empty on time and patience for these people. If you don’t want to follow the laws and social norms, go back where you came from – either the country of your ancestors or your home planet.

When talking with one of these reality deniers, I decided I needed to assess the value of continuing the dialogue by asking what I now think is the ultimate question to assess mental competency. Consider asking this very simple question whenever you are confronted with the opportunity to attempt to talk with people who, let’s say ‘think’ differently. I asked this very nice, very religious, unrepentantly ill-informed person, who was very concerned about “the global elites” she constantly maintains are trying to create a one world order by making us protect each other by wearing masks, and creating fear over climate change, which these folks do not believe is real, this easy-to-answer question: Do you believe the Earth is flat? I expect this strategy will save me valuable time and strokes in the future.

Man holding what he claims is the actual Earth

 

The reply, which for some reason, due to some basic character flaw of mine, I did not expect, was, “Well, it could be flat or it could be round. I’m not really sure. It definitely might be flat though. I just don’t know.” That response was like a giant EXIT sign leading me safely out of the conversation. I did not waste the opportunity and quickly excused myself from the conversation. But, these people are all around us.

Side note: While anyone with even a fraction of a functioning brain, ever since Aristotle proved we inhabited a spherical globe in the third century before the Common Era, knows that we live on a sphere and not a plate, I’m pretty sure that physics makes it impossible for any celestial body to be “flat.” And what the fuck does flat mean to these folks anyway? Is it just a few inches thick? A few feet? Do they believe in mountains? The Marianas Trench? Is the Sun also flat? Saturn? My brain hurts.

For his part, the Denier-in-chief, who refuses to wear a mask, and thinks that testing causes more cases, insists that the virus he called a hoax (for which he recommended people ingest disinfectant and shine ultra-violet light where the sun don’t shine) is simply over. He is happily encouraging his devoted fans to show up for his rallies and expose themselves to some unknown number of infected defectives – after signing a waiver that they won’t sue him when they test positive for COVID-19.

Chrump insists all is fine, except for the fact that measures meant to protect him from catching the virus have been drastically increased. Chrump has a huge advance team (many of whom recently tested positive for COVID-19) making sure that everywhere he goes is safe for him. The rest of the suckers who insist on being directly exposed to Chrump’s unnatural orange glow can apparently go fuck themselves, which some of them seem more than willing to do.

We, though very likely not his devotees, just learned that Chrump’s campaign workers removed thousands of stickers that read “Please do not sit here” and were meant to promote proper physical distancing at the Tulsa arena where hardly anyone showed up to watch Chrump’s demented tantrum/rally. Hard to decide who is dumber, Chrump or his MAGAts.

You can’t judge a book by its cover…or can you

A good friend decided it would be a good idea for me to watch one of these knuckle-dragging, faux patriot, science deniers explain why taking precautions to help not kill our fellow at-risk citizens is the death of democracy, among other things. I admittedly only got through about five of the 13-minute mumbo-jumbo, despite the performer’s admonition to watch the entire video. I will not bother you with the video itself, only with my response to my friend:

Why do you send me this nonsense? Why would I listen to some random dude on YouTube, who clearly does not know much about the country he claims he fought for? I don't like wearing a mask, but by almost all accounts, this helps reduce the spread of the virus – as does physical distancing and some degree of quarantining. I don't like wearing seat belts, but it's the law. I don't like driving under 80 mph, but it's the law. I don't think banning smoking in bars is fair, but it's the law. All of these restrictions on our behavior are trampling on our constitutional rights (or something), but were implemented for the greater good and/or our own protection. This guy, who says he loves this country, only loves the parts he agrees with. Fuck that shit. This is why cousins should never marry.

I. Mangrey reporting. Stay away from the fan, something foul is about to hit it.