So Much Winning

IMPEACHY Keen

January 14, 2021

Normally I would have celebrated IMPEACHMENT DAY with great fanfare and copious schadenfreude. And yesterday’s IMPEACHMENT of Donny Trump was as juicy and delicious a one as this country has ever seen. Unfortunately, it came buried in so much other slime, insanity, treason and death that it was difficult to muster up the fitting level of scorn, bile and mirth at the appropriate moment. And for that, I apologize to you and to myself.

Incitement of Insurrection: Is that worse than lying about a blowjob?

There are winners and then there are winners. Some win a winning and others win at losing. Donald “Fort Sumpter” Trump won at inciting an insurrection. No one has done it better in at least 160 years. His forces won the Battle of Trump against the United States on January 6 just as he won the November 3 election against Joe Biden and the American people. So much winning.

Trump has also emerged victorious in the IMPEACHMENT competition. Yesterday, Congress returned to the scene of Trump’s crime to impart some measure of justice in the only way put forth by the Constitution, by IMPEACHING Trump for some of the highest crimes in American history. Now, no one has been IMPEACHED as many times as Trump. Or with so much bipartisan support. A record more than 230 years in the making. Take that George Washington – zero impeachments, a quitter who bailed out after just two terms when there weren’t even any limits; said he didn’t want to be a monarch - loser. Suck on it Andrew Johnson – one impeachment. And Dick Nixon – impeachment-adjacent. Bill Clinton, don’t make me laugh. No, seriously. Don’t make me laugh. A bunch of one-shit wonders. Trump slouches alone in the IMPEACHMENT Hall of Infamy.

Loser Nancy Pelosi – you can’t even see her signature taking up an entire page.

What’s the matter Nancy, can’t afford a decent Sharpie?

And what about those crazy Democrats? Dividing the nation by daring to IMPEACH someone for simply wanting to make America something. For innocently urging his unstable cult members to lay siege on the Capitol to shanghai the certification of the winner of the 2020 presidential election, because it was not him. Why would the Democrats want to punish someone who loves America so much he is trying to make two of them.

Trump showed everyone who’s boss by winning a free, no expenses paid exit from Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Western Union. Nobody does it better.

Like Charles Manson and other murderous cult leaders before him, Trump whipped his cult into a homicidal frenzy while managing to keep his own hands clean. Trump mesmerized his army of assholes with promises of reversing the results of an election he falsely insisted had been stolen. He exhorted his armed goons to disrupt the Constitutional duties of Congress, and put a stop to the process of formally certifying what American voters, the Electoral College and courts of every stature and stripe across this nation had already made perfectly clear. Trump also implied the need to take care of Mike Pence who dared – for the first time in his life – put the Constitution and the United States ahead of his own personal interest, and even worse, above the psychotic wishes of the man he obeyed, enabled and abetted so completely for five years, by refusing to break the law by aiding and abetting the theft of the election Joe Biden handily won, in violation of the Constitution of a little thing we like to call the United States.

It is long past time to end the start-to-finish catastrophuck that has been the presidency of Donald Trump – worst president ever…times infinity. Hopefully.

I. M. Peachment.

Don’t miss today’s special feature: I Wish I Had Said That ! (below)

New PAYING ATTENTION Special Feature

Today on: I Wish I Had Said That !

A few choice words from Keith Olbermann:

I wish I had said that.

The Revolution Is Being Televised

The Revolution Is Reality TV

January 13, 2021

As it turned out, the revolution is being televised. Because it was a made-for-tv revolution. Brought on at the behest of a made-from-tv president. And make no mistake, the whole world is watching, and the whole world was appalled on January 6, and the whole world knows exactly who lit the fuse, started the fire and fanned the flames. America’s friends and enemies alike have all called out Donald Trump for inciting, if not demanding a coup d’état. Perhaps most unfortunate of all, there was plenty of dry, seasoned kindling just waiting for a well-placed match.

Close cover before striking and STFU

(not pictured, Sen. Josh Hawley because, who gives a fuck about Josh Hawley)

T’reason Everything Is AFU

Trump has told us since 2015 that he would not accept the results of an election that did not go in his favor. It was much easier for him to work hand-in-iron-fist with Russia the first time and he was able to prevail on the strength of the Constitution he so reviles. Now that reality has smacked him square in his circus-peanut-colored puss, and he fears to his miserable bones that he will wind up on the wrong side of prison bars, he is stopping at nothing to remain in power, despite the clear and blatant desire of the American public, most of whom have long been fed up with all his winning at their expense. But know this, even if Trump had been re-elected, this despicable assault on both the philosophical and physical manifestations of our democracy still would have happened when he was denied a (completely illegal) third term…assuming there was anything left at that point.

This was obviously not the revolution Gil Scott Heron had in mind. That one – more like the peaceful Black Lives Matter response to the brutal murder of George Floyd, et al – was viciously beaten back, though not down, by Trump’s army. An army that was conspicuously absent when crazed white people, aided and abetted by the Pentagon upper echelon recently installed by Trump, stormed the Capitol Building on January 6^th. The army that will hopefully be prepared for what is likely to be part two of the attempted coup signed, sealed and in the process of being delivered in the coming days by all manner of white nationalists, anti-democratic insurgents, domestic terrorists and radicalized Trump loyalists.

Gil Scott Heron

Televised or not, we return you now to the revolution already in progress. Calls are already out for more lunatics with more weapons to invade every state capital as well as Washington, DC in the coming days, particularly it seems on January 17^th. Expect the stupid, deplorable and terrorism to get turned up to eleven. Thankfully, many (surely not nearly enough) of the instigators and perpetrators of the January 6 storming and siege of the Capitol have been identified and arrested. Unfortunately, the ringleader – Donald J. Trump, and his fellow travelers in the House of Representatives and United States Senate, in particular Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley – remain at large, unrepentant and poised to continue providing aid and comfort to the active insurrection.

Sticks and stones and assholes beating you with American flags and shooting you can break your bones, but words can never hurt you…except when they are used to incite psychos with sticks and stones and guns and using the Flag as a weapon to beat you senseless, or to death. Don’t forget, these psychos actually built a gallows, ostensibly for Mike Pence, Pelosi and others.

I guess they didn’t have enough time to build a gas chamber.
Come for the Jews, stay for the blacks.

Just before the storming of the Capital, Trump read his sheep the go-ahead-and-riot act, said he would march with them, which of course he did not, then went to watch the reality show he launched – Asshole Apprentice: Operation Treason – on television. According to some with firsthand knowledge, Trump reveled in the chaos he fomented and could not understand why more of his long-time enablers and co-conspirators were not enjoying the show Trump produced and directed.

They say no man is an island, but Donald trump is an I-land. There is no ‘I’ in team and there is no brain in Trump. Only venom. And racism. And fascism.

I. Mangrey reporting. Maybe his hands aren’t small, maybe there’s just way too much of the rest of him.

Living Color – Cult of Personality

Inaugurations Day

Alternative Acts

January 12, 2021

Message from a very little, ever smaller man:

“To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20^th.”

The world’s sorest loser, disgraced IMPEACHED Fake president Donald Trump will not be attending his successor’s inaugural as he has convinced himself that he won reelection in a landslide. This, despite all evidence electoral, judicial and otherwise to the contrary. Tens of thousands of dead people voted, votes were shredded, voting machines were tampered with, fake votes were trucked in. Trump claimed to know all of this to be true because he heard someone say it, because “that’s what the rumors are”. All, as it turns out, complete and utter bullshit. Nothing it seems will ever convince the emotionally and mentally disabled Trump of anything other than the insane conspiracy theories bouncing around the bone-encased cavity between his artificially-colored ears.

Our sources tell us that Donald will be holding his own inaugural with family and “friends.” Paying Attention has obtained a transcript of Trump’s latest perfect phone call to prospective attendees:

Very, very large uh-brain, best words, perfect phone calls

“Hi everyone, it’s The Donald. As you know, many losers will be watching big loser Sleepy Joe Biden get sworn in to illegally steal my job that I was doing better than anyone. I’m America’s favorite president and there’s no way I could lose to Sleepy. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I won because I had the biggest rallies and everyone voted for me, unless you count all those dead people and fake Georgia people. Just because most of those people who were at my rallies are either dead or in hospitals doesn’t mean I lost. I don’t lose. Biggest winner of all time. Just ask Ivanka, she knows. She knows me very intimately. I’m inviting you to my real inaugural, which I’m doing so that when the truth finally comes out about how rigged and fake the election was, I can get right back to doing the very incredible job I was doing. Such a great job and no one ever said thank you Trump. I do it because I’m such a great American, who loves America so much. No one has humped more flags than Trump. That I can tell you. It will be one of the greatest days America has ever seen. Even better than that great day when all those heroes did what I told them and took over the stupid Capitol. What a great day. Very special people.”

Should be lots of fun. Hopefully all of the loyal followers he just threw under the bus during his latest hostage video will attend with the same enthusiasm they displayed at the Capitol on January 6^th.

I. Mangrey, ever hopeful. They were all made for each other.

Radical Normalcy

Scary Stuff, Folks

January 11, 2021

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I watched Joe Biden take questions from the press. He was respectful, answered every question like a human being, waited in case there were follow-up questions. He didn’t insult even one single reporter, no racially insensitive, snide remarks. Biden didn’t even yell “Lock him up” one time. Sure, in response to a question he said Trump was unfit to serve, but everyone already knew that. He didn’t make up any crazy shit that made me think I was hallucinating. Didn’t tell anyone to drink beach or talk about some of the great murderous dictators he loves. Biden didn’t even have the guts to scream ‘Fake news!” or call reporters enemies of the people. Not even once. What kind of sick game is this guy playing?

Joe Biden: Will his radical normalcy destroy the great America Trump built?

At the end of this horrifying display of normal adult behavior, he forgot to turn and run away abruptly before the damn thing was over like an angry teen who’s just been grounded and sent to their room; he just calmly finished answering the last question, politely said “thank you”, put on his mask and walked away. I was sure it was a joke and he would come back and trash the place. But no. He just left. This is going to be a long four years. I look forward to Donald Trump crashing a few of these malarky-free snooze-fests and showing these losers how it’s supposed to be done.

As if this press conference debacle was not bad enough, where are the idiotic tweets? I haven’t seen one single misspelled rant. Does this even stay up all night watching Fux News? OAN? He probably won’t even be bragging about his crowd or dick size. WTF. Somebody help me out here.

And what’s with his human-looking skin tone? And his suit fits like it was made for him. This guy is a fucking disaster waiting to stop happening.

I. Mangrey

One-Term Blunder

Still Running After All These Years: Trump 2024

January 10, 2021

“When they say the election was stolen, they mean black and brown people voted.”
                                  Kwame Rose, Activist

Despite finally releasing another of his famous hostage-videos, where Trump was forced to read a statement he did not write or believe, showing all the emotion and class of a public toilet seat, acknowledging that some generic new administration will be taking over the reins of government on January 20^th. Two days later, Trump reportedly expressed regret for saying there would be a peaceful transfer of power. Regardless of what happens next, Trump will not go away.

President Gumby sends his mob off to war against America

Trump will always insist that he won the 2020 election and belongs in the White House. He will not relent on disseminating what is either the delusion or outright lie that he was the victim of a rigged, stolen election. No matter what. Everyone who is either not Donald Trump or those drinking Trump Brand KKKool Aid, knows for a fact that Biden won as fair and square as our elections get. Nonetheless, Trump incited his intellectually and democratically-challenged hordes to storm the Capitol, which gladly and very badly did. There will be consequences for them and for the man that spurred them on.

Team Trump – some very swine people

January 6, 2021: Team Trump lays siege to the U.S. Capitol...

and they’re planning to do it again – SOON.

Trump might be removed via the 25^th Amendment if Mike Pence has either balls or brains. Since Pence has neither, tomorrow Trump will become the only president in American history to be IMPEACHED twice, though his enablers in the Senate – led by Mitch McConnell – remain likely to choose treason over country once again. Trump might succumb to increasing demands from all sides for him to resign (very unlikely), or he might resign as the only means of getting a presidential pardon, which most scholars believe he cannot do for himself. He might be embroiled in court battles for the next several years. None of this matters to Trump. He will steamroll on unless or until such time as there are iron bars between this traitor and the country he is intent on using for his own aggrandizement and/or maiming beyond recognition.

Trump will continue to trample democracy, decency, sanity and reality so long as there are millions of white supremacists, neo-fascists, neo-Confederates, neo-Nazis who cherish the last few words of the Second Amendment, do not understand the First and simply want what they want. Who will storm and defile the Capitol Building they profess to be defending against black, brown, Jewish and liberal people. These are Trump’s people though he thinks they are filthy and ignorant. He would never allow them into his over-priced country clubs, but he is happy to take their money, wallow in their adoration, incite them to violence, and then run for cover and when the dust settles, throw them under the bus.

It is unlikely that the remains of the long-complicit Republican’t Party will allow Donald Trump to have anything to do with their desperate attempt to recover from their torrid affair with the Orange Gas Cloud. Donald will have find a new political home, likely a new third party. There is no need to even guess what that party will be called as he mounts his post-insurrection reelection crusade. The Trump 2024 campaign for president will be under the banner of the Trump Party. And all his white supremacist, neo-Nazi, Profa dimwits will be there bowing and scraping, looting and shooting.

Trump’s new campaign lawn sign

Unlike Trump’s pretense of being the “law and order candidate” in 2016, our sources are telling us that he plans to run on “violence, revolution, white power and loving Trump.”

Ace reporter T. Doff was downtown, working hard and doing swell, getting the news before it hit the street. He has obtained secret audiotape of Trump talking to supporters, or possibly to himself; we present an exclusive partial transcript here:

“I don’t care if those people think Biden won. He didn’t win. I won. I won by a very strong and powerful margin. What the hell has Biden ever done? He doesn’t know shit about government. I know more about government than probably anyone in history. Plus, I’m the one who got better shower pressure. I made America so great again. So to hell with the very bad, very weak Democrat Party – I call them the Sleepy Black Lives Matter Party – and the unloyal Republican Party that I tried so hard to make great again. The new Trump Party will take this country back from all the losers. Trump deserves another term to make America even greater. So great no one will ever believe it. And all the great toilets, dishwashers and shower pressure. People will insist Trump gets a third term. I may not accept it because I will be too bored of all the winning. All the greatness. The best greatness ever.”

I. Mangrey endeavoring to persevere. Go home. We hate you. You’re very special. 

Thought For The Day

It’s Not Like It’s Brain Surgery

January 9, 2021

Rumor has it that Dr. Ben "The Pyramids Were Used To Store Grain" Carson will be called out of retirement to attempt a very delicate surgery - separating Mike Pence's lips from Donald Chrump's ass. Carson made a name for himself as a grain surgeon…I mean brain surgeon, separating conjoined twins. He turned that name to Mud when he entered the political arena and spoke in public, making many people wonder how someone who seemed so incredibly idiotic was able to tie his own shoes, let alone perform delicate surgery.

Kim Jong Un must be jealous

Pence had a chance to extricate his lips from Chrump’s ass; all he had to do was invoke the 25^th Amendment and enlist the cabinet to sign on, but alas the attachment proved too strong. Carson may be an idiot, but he apparently knows his way around scalpels and assholes. In any event, this operation should be a piece of shit…I mean, cake.

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

Thought For The Night

 

Millions Of People Never Believed In Twitter Bell

January 8, 2021

Like Tinker Bell, Twitter Bell can only exist if enough people believe in his existence. Like Tinker Bell, Twitter Bell is often ill-tempered, spoiled, jealous and vindictive. Apparently, Twitter employees stopped believing in Twitter Bell.

Some 350 Twitter employees wrote a letter to CEO Jack Dorsey demanding the permanent suspension of Twitter Bell from the platform that was practically oxygen to the tiny-handed Dixie…I mean pixie.

Guess they ran out of Dixie Dust.

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Night.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the night?

Donald Trumper’s Loony Heads Club Coup

Joe Biden For 47^th President

January 8, 2021

The Trump War has begun. Like the Civil War before it, a bunch of sore losers decided to tear the nation asunder because their guy, their belief that this nation belonged to them – angry, arrogant, ignorant white people who base their lives on alternative facts – and they were going make the majority pay.

Dumb-Fuck-In-A-Furry-Hat who calls himself the

QAnon Shaman (soon to be federal prisoner #349732)

Authorities are supposedly poised to track down all those responsible for breaching the Capitol. We will have to see if anything actually materializes since some of those charged with protecting the Capitol and those who work there were seen cavorting with the invaders. Most of the protection seemed to be AWOL. I suppose they were out looking for Black Lives Matter folks to put down. After all, what could go wrong with a bunch of violent, psychotic racists who have been publicly calling for armed insurrection for months storming the Capitol? Apparently, there are a number of people who can provide the names of many of those involved if anyone truly cares to know.

Trump and his New Confederacy will not go away easily. The old Confederacy did not go away after they were defeated. They went, as they say – and pardon the irony – dark. As evidenced by all the honors bestowed, across this whole country by the way, upon the defeated traitors even many years later. Does this mean we’re going to have a Dumb-Fuck-In-A-Furry-Hat Middle School in South Carolina some day?

Trump’s Sedition Express will not slow down just because he is out of office. For one thing, it’s a great source of cash flow for the cash-poor Trump Crime Family. For another, Donald cannot survive without constant attention and adulation, even if it is from people he thinks are losers and idiots. And finally, Trump is a power-hungry reptile (with apologies to actual reptiles) who will stop at nothing until he is locked away for good. It is time to put him out of our misery.

Some of the very fine people on Trump’s side (6 MWE: 6,000,000 wasn’t enough)

Cruz and Hawley: leading the insurrection from within the Senate,
showing solidarity with sedition

Parting Shot For The Day

Using a gun in the commission of a crime does not fall under the protection of the Second Amendment. Similarly, using words in the incitement or commission of a crime does not fall under the protection of the First Amendment.

I. Mangrey fed up. Never thought I’d say this but, Mike Pence for president. Now.