Thought For The Day

Westward Ho(ly Shit)

March 6, 2022

Mad Vlad wants to keep former Soviet republics like Ukraine from politically and philosophically “turning to the West.” He does not want these now independent countries from looking west to Europe for unity and protection. Putin’s insane, unprovoked, brutal and brutish attack on Ukraine is forcing actual people to literally, physically go west. Some 1.5 million (likely soon to be 2 million) Ukrainians have fled west to escape the onslaught of Donald Tmurp’s BFF.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

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Questions For The Day

There Must Be A Good Reason

March 5, 2022

Why are so many Ratpublicans standing up for Putin’s horrific, illegal invasion of Ukraine?

Is it because America did the same thing in Iraq under Bush/Cheney?

Is it just because their hatred for Democrats and democracy knows no bounds?

Or is it because Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelenskyy is, and I hate to play the prejudice card here but it seems unavoidable, a comedian?

A great dancer?

What else could make Ratpublicans support Putin over Zelenskyy?

Just asking questions

These have been your Paying Attention™ Questions For The Day.

You're welcome.

What are your questions for the day?

Justice Decayed Is Justice Defied

They Must Have Had A Good Treason

March 4, 2022

Today is the 233^rd anniversary of the founding of the Supreme Court of the United States. As we brace ourselves for the battle to confirm of a new justice nominated by (Gasp!) a Democratic president, we can expect flaming idiocy from the usual suspects. Unless Devil-spawn Bitch McConnell somehow decides that his ill-gotten 6-3 majority is sufficient for the moment, we can expect plenty of fabricated fireworks, moronic musings, asinine arguments and seditious stalling.

I am already preemptively nauseated at the very thought of Ron Johnson (R- MN), John Kennedy (R-LA), Josh Hawley (R-MO) and You-Got-Me-Dizzy-Miss-Lindsey Graham (R-SC) sharing their tortured thoughts, desperate to keep a black woman off the historically almost-all-white-all-boys-club. They are simply not satisfied with the unrelenting white-maleness of the court and the Court’s democracy-crushing, radical-religious, devastatingly-hypocritical current configuration. To be fair, they are a bunch racist, authoritarian antiques who cannot abide compromise, and are desperate to keep America as white as possible, all else be damned.

Loopy Lindsey, Kooky Kennedy, Jerky Johnson, Hang ‘Em Hawley and Mopey Mitch
on their way to Senate hearings on accosting Ketanji Brown Jackson

Keeping Down With The Thomases

This brings us to the (head)case of the only current black member of the Court. One who has stood up for white rights and white privilege throughout is time on the bench. For most of that time besides being known for his vehement opposition to affirmative action, he was most famous for his record-breaking decades of silence as he sat in mute awe of self-proclaimed “originalist” Antonin Scalia, who by most accounts remains as dead as Generalissimo Francisco Franco, and similarly revered by lovers of democracy. So-called originalist interpreters of the Constitution are, essentially by definition, hypocritical fantasists, who blithely ignore slavery, women’s suffrage, all manner of other vague or dangerously outdated statements, and the fact that many actually involved in creating the Constitution believed it should keep up with changing times.

Fermented fruit bat Ginni Thomas, insurrectionist-adjacent wife of Extreme Court (In)Justice Clarence is once again under fire for her political activism. While her choice of fellow travelers should make fans of democracy and reality shiver in disgust, that is her business. However, it seems there are a not insignificant number of cases before her hubby’s robed nonet have connections to Ginni’s pals.

One might reasonably expect a devout Constitution “originalist,” especially one who spent so many years sucking at the teat, or the whatever, of self-proclaimed bull goose originalist Antonin Scalia so consistently that Thomas was unable to utter a single word while sitting on (under?) the Bench while Scalia lived, would recuse himself in order to avoid even the appearance of impropriety, let alone the stench of fraud, fellatio and fascism. But if Antonin Scalia allowed himself to go hunting with Dick Cheney while hearing a case involving Cheney, one imagines all bets are off.

Waiting To Exhale

While most political pundits are saying Ketanji Brown Jackson will certainly be confirmed, it is not wise to count one’s justices before they’re hitched. There are too many wild cards, jokers and abject flaming assholes in the Senate.

I. Mangrey reconstituting.

Broken News

A Momentary (Fake) Lapse Of Treason

March 2, 2022

This amused and abused me:

Tmurp’s fake attorney general, Bill Barr gaslighting for his boss

As if that tiny-handed, metastasized, malignant melanoma on America’s body politic ever had a grip on anything other than crime, racism and his own reportedly mushroom-shaped, also tiny pecker.

Barr has written a book in a pathetic bid at a self-reclamation campaign. Attempting to bathe himself in tomato paste in order to rid himself of the stench of rolling around with ex-president Skunk as he sprayed his foul-smelling secretions all over anyone who got close enough. And few bellied up to the Hot Air Buffoon Tmurp as closely as Barr. With any luck, no amount of cleanser will ever allow Barr to sell himself as a anything other than a disgraced toady to an autocratic asshole.

Tmurp having a grip and a fit

Bill Barr spent several years pimping for Tmurp, acting as his personal lawyer/fixer/apologist, when he was supposed to be representing the interests of the American people, which were then, and remain today diametrically opposed to those of the twice-impeached, disgraced ex-president, failed Florida blogger and current insurrectionist-in-chief.

For his part, Tmurp disgraced his office, our nation, the human species and unbeknownst to him, himself on a daily basis. His love of Putin above America was on display from the moment the Russian strong/mad-man pledged to get Tmurp elected in 2016, and continues to this day despite Putin's invasion of Ukraine.

Bill Barr is a pathetic turd who should never be allowed to share his disgraced thoughts in public, though he should be permitted if not forced to appear on Dancing With the Stools (not the kind you sit on).

Paying Attention™ has been on this fucker’s case for a while

Other Bushit

The only thing more American than Barr’s bullshit book is George WTF Bush condemning Putin for his illegal, unprovoked invasion of an independent nation for no fucking reason whatsoever. Now why does that sound so familiar? The Second Butcher of Baghdad (no, the emergence and shameful actions of Donald Tmurp did not make Bush, Jr. and less of a war criminal or staggeringly rotten president) felt compelled to post this sentence on his official website: “I join the international community in condemning Vladimir Putin’s unprovoked and unjustified invasion of Ukraine.” Heckuva job Bushie. Somebody get that man a mirror.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled angst.

Thought For The Month

Teach Your Children

February 28, 2022

February was not always Black History Month. In this country, Black people were always, shall we say, appropriately valued. Black history in America is rife with trauma and tragedy. Back when states’ rights…I mean slavery was the law of the land, many white people – most of our revered founders among them – behaved very badly toward those who were of African heritage, to put it mildly. Our last president did not even know who the fuck Frederick Douglass was. In the last guy’s defense, he is a flaming, unrepentant racist. I hope all of this has not made anyone feel uncomfortable. But I digress.

Jonathan Harris – Critical Race Theory

Today’s thought is not a new one, but it has just gotten another boost from – again, I hope this does not hurt anyone’s feelings – science. The fact that human beings, whether Adam and Eve, Adam and Steve or Darwinian-style evolution, are originally from the African continent. So, whether this makes you sad or not, we are all African if you go back far enough. And yes, that means more than 6,000 years. Ironic, ain’t it.

So to all the white supremacists, racists, bigots, (I know “patriots” is one of them, but no; just no) whatever you prefer to call yourselves, fuck your little feelings, your discomfort and your sadness over hearing the truth. The truth about American history, the truth about current American events, and the truth about where all of you, all of us come from. Get over yourselves. Wise the fuck up. And shut the fuck up already.

Rahsaan Roland Kirk – Blacknuss

Have a nice day.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Month.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the month?

Judge Not

Let Loose The Dogs Of Hypocrisy

February 26, 2022

At so it begins. Joe Biden has the nerve to follow through on a campaign promise. He has nominated Ketanji Brown Jackson to be the first African American woman on the Supreme Court. Well, that only took 232 years. If nothing else, he owed it to Anita Hill.

Ketanji Brown Jackson

The next contestant on America’s Got Assholes

Despite having a bullet-proof (it’s just an expression) majority of mostly youngish radical-religious, right-wing, painfully-white justices – two in stolen seats, Senate Ratpublicans will undoubtedly display all the discretion, professionalism and gravitas of a clown car during the confirmation process. The only question for these yahoos is which will they bring on harder – the misogyny or the racism. While many on this side of the aisle and the flip-side of reality can barely walk and chew gum at the same time, I have a feeling they will manage to multi-task on this one. Only slime will tell.

A bunch of wealthy, white, male landowners – just like the Founders intended, sitting in judgment of a black woman. And certainly not the first time such a woman was tougher and smarter than all of them put together. Think Michelle Obama, Anita Hill, Maya Angelou, Shirley Chisholm, Angela Davis, Harriet Tubman, and thousands of slave women who had plenty of brains, but not enough bullets to prevail.

You might remember Judge Jackson; she ordered former White House counsel Don McGahn to testify before the House of Representatives. In her decision the judge explained the nature of the American presidency by quoting Founding Fathers James Madison and Alexander Hamilton and French diplomat Alexis de Tocqueville. Perhaps the most well-known phrase to come out of that decision was “Stated simply, the primary takeaway from the past 250 years of recorded American history is that Presidents are not kings, and plaintiff is not president.”

Loopy Lindsey, Kooky Kennedy, Jerky Johnson, Hang ‘Em Hawley and Mopey Mitch

on their way to Senate hearings on accosting Ketanji Brown Jackson

The mammals on the Court will remain greatly outnumbered, but at least there will be more diversity while we wait for the current majority to shrink. Time’s a wastin’.

I. Mangrey, court reporting.

The Plot Sickens

Ratpublicans For Putin

February 25, 2022

Vladimir Putin is obsessed with seeing democracy as a global entity fail. This is nothing new. Well before his relentless crusade to get Donald Tmurp elected president, Putin’s prime objective was weakening democracy. No better stooge could have been created to accelerate Putin’s mission than a brain-dead, narcissistic, autocrat-wannabe conman.

So, we expect Putin to attack democracy. What we did not expect, though we really should have, was Putin not being the biggest threat to democracy, particularly in America. The most clear and present danger to American democracy is Donald Tmurp’s Ratpublican Party. This massive cadre of fascistic white nationalists, that has infiltrated our government at the highest levels, and has an enormous propaganda machine, is shamelessly fomenting civil war. They are determined to take this country back in time to when they thought America was great before. Today’s Ratpublican Party has done everything short of supporting the return of slavery.

By many accounts, including some of Putin’s close advisors (all of whom, one imagines, must fear for their lives every waking moment, not to mention being awakened by hellish nightmares based on real stories of past associates), Putin is rapidly approaching Tmurp-like levels of mental incapacity. Perhaps the most telling example of Putin’s alternative facts is his insistence that he is merely trying to stop Volodymyr Zelensky, who is Jewish, and his neo-Nazi regime from committing (non-existent) genocide in Ukraine. There's lying, and then there's looney toons.

While American autocrats are working to re-litigate the Civil War, the Russian strongman is trying to get the SSR back together, even if he has to wipe out most of their populations. Vlad the Mad has also threatened historic conflagration should anyone dare stand against him.

Donald J. Trump July 23, 2018

Remember when this psycho was on Twitter?

“Whoever tries to hinder us, and even more so, to create threats to our country, to our people, should know that Russia's response will be immediate. And it will lead you to such consequences that you have never encountered in your history. We are ready for any development of events. All the necessary decisions have been made in this regard. I hope that I will be heard.”
                       Vladimir J. Putin February 24, 2022
                         Guess these two use the same writers

Putin to U.S. “Duck and cover motherfuckers!”

Most of the Ratpublican Duma is vigorously siding with Putin. Let us not forget that the moment Barack Obama became president, countless Ratpublicans and their media enablers began singing the praises of Putin, while denigrating Obama at every turn, and down every straightaway. Then, Tmurp surrounded himself with Russophiles like Paul Manafort, Mike Flynn, Steve Bannon and others too numerous to mention. Once installed as president despite losing the popular vote handily, Tmurp took up Putin’s causes while weaking the United States with impunity. So here we are.

Rare photo of movie night at Mor-on-Lago

King Ratpublican Tmurp made his feelings known as Putin surrounded Ukraine, poised to initiate the most illegal war-of-choice since Bush/Cheney invaded Iraq. Here’s what the Toxic Twit had to say about his benefactor,

“I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, ‘This is genius.’ Putin declares a big portion of the Ukraine—of Ukraine. Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that’s wonderful. So, Putin is now saying, ‘It’s independent,’ a large section of Ukraine. I said, ‘How smart is that?’ And he’s gonna go in and be a peacekeeper. That’s the strongest peace force. We could use that on our southern border. That’s the strongest peace force I’ve ever seen. There were more army tanks than I’ve ever seen. They’re gonna keep peace all right. No, but think of it. Here’s a guy who’s very savvy, I know him very well. Very, very well.”

From Newt Gingrich, to Lindsey Graham, to Josh Hawley, to the GQP House Caucus, to John Bolton (remember this no-nothing asshole?), to Mike Pompeo, Ratpublicans of all smells are rushing to microphones to call Joe Biden weak and ineffective, and Putin strong and masterful. For his part, Pompeo, a recent secretary of state and former CIA chief, recently gushed on Fux News that Putin “was a very talented statesman” who “has lots of gifts.” Pompeo added, “He was a KGB agent, for goodness sakes. He knows how to use power. We should respect that.” Respect is not exactly the first word that leaps to my mind, but then I still have at least minimal control of my faculties. And, despite its many faults, I’ll still take the U.S. over Russia.

While another ex-secretary of state Condoleezza Rice has called Putin “megalomaniacal,” Pompeo has praised him as “very shrewd” and “very capable.” Putin’s media outlets are replaying clips on a loop of Pompeo's praise on Russian state TV. So Makeshift Mike must be right.

In another interview last week, Pompeo said, “I have enormous respect for him – I've been criticized for saying that.” This is how today’s Ratpublicans run for president.

Fucker Carlson cannot imagine why everyone is being so mean to Putin, “asking” his audience, “Why should I hate Putin?” Followed by a laundry list (in question form of course – does this pinhead think he’s always on Jeopardy?) of things Putin didn’t do to poor little trust fund baby Fucker. “Did he ever call me a racist? Has he ever tried to get me fired for disagreeing with him?…yada, yada, yada.” Hey Fucker, you might want to know that Putin doesn’t get people fired for disagreeing with him – he gets them dead, you ignorant slut.

Insurrectionist fan-boy Josh Hawley was a bit less obsequious, “America has an interest in Ukraine’s independence and territorial integrity, and we have a strong interest in deterring Russian adventurism. But these interests are not so great that we should commit ourselves to fight Russia over Ukraine’s future.” Funny thing, Joe Biden specifically stated that we have no intention of fighting Russia. With senators like this, who needs democracy?

I. Mangrey recoiling. Let’s agree to disagree dispose of them. Electorally, of course.

BONUS TRACK:

Charles Mingus - Oh Lord Don't Let Them Drop That Atomic Bomb on Me

Best Sequel Ever. Ever.

The Latest Imminent Demise of Donald Tmurp

February 23, 2022

Now that ex-Commoder-in-chief Tmrup has been caught with boxes of classified documents that he did not flush down the toilet, now that Tmrup’s accounting firm has tossed him out on his badly dyed ear claiming that any numbers they received from Tmrup’s “businesses” over the past nine years cannot be trusted, now that one judge has ruled that the two Dons and Ivanka must testify in Letitia James’ criminal case (Eric already testified, pleading The Fifth 500 times), and a federal judge found that Tmrup can be held accountable for his leading role in the Jan 6^th insurrection in a civil case filed by several members of Congress and members of law enforcement who were under threat of death that day. The civil case has the potential of massive dollar awards to the plaintiffs. These will not be like the pittances Tmrup paid to some number of porn stars to keep quiet, meaning Team Tmrup may have serious problems meeting expenses after all the payouts. Have we got a deal for him and his crime family, and it gets him squarely in front of the cameras again, where he always longs to be.

An excited television executive producer, after being pitched this show said, “We’ve got a sequel that will absolutely crush the original series. In most cases, the sequel simply bombs. Best case scenario, it does almost as well as the original. Not this time. What we have here is pure television gold. No! Diamonds! They’re forever, right? Nobody will be able to resist this obvious mega-hit. It will kick off with a block of weeknight prime time episodes, but the plan – if this thing goes the way we think it will, sponsors are literally begging us for slots – is to create something like C-SPAN. That’s right, 24/7 baby. All Tmrups all the time. No one will be able to touch these ratings. Believe me. This will make reality TV great again. The greatest. We would like to thank Rudy Giuliani, the once-and-future crack-head Mike “My Stupid-Fucking-Pillow Guy” Lindell and of course, the one and only Big Don Tmrup. No one did more to make this blatantly criminal family what they are today. We love you Donny.”

TV Or Not TV, That Is the Question

Get ready for the most addicting reality TV of all time. This will be the biggest, most terrific, most beautiful show ever. This is no hoax folks. Join us for

TMRUP FAMILY HOUSE ARREST

They’re all together, forever, having a ball…and chain

Many people said that Tmrup could do whatever he wanted – and for so many, too many years he simply did. Fake Tmrup charity, phony Tmrup University, fake billions in wealth. Grab ‘em by the p*$$y…well, he said he could, they called it assault, rape pedophilia. He thought he could pay some of them off to keep quiet about his affairs, but then his “attorney” blew the whole thing up and spilled the beans. Tmrup said he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not lose a single vote. As it turned out, doing that might have been less of a problem than what he actually did. Conspiracy, money laundering, campaign finance violations, fraud, tax evasion, obstruction of justice, attempted coup, immeasurable ignorance. He’s lucky that racism and fascist tendencies are not in and of themselves, crimes. Tmrup also reportedly flushed presidential documents down the toilet – the very same toilet he drank out of.

Anyway, the whole whacky Tmrup family will all finally be back home where they belong, in their big beautiful Mor-on-Lago, but now they will all be together all of the time. All of them. All the time. They can get in, but they can’t get out. Doomed to a life of McDonald’s, KFC, Taco Bell, Diet Coke, and all the court documents they can eat. Delivered right to their door – because they cannot leave. They’re all under house arrest.

The house that fake wealth built bought

Beautiful(?), soon-to-be-bankrupt Mor-on-Lago

The Electoral College cannot save them now. Never again will they eat or visit or slowly sip their much-loved Covfefe. They will not enjoy another visit to the very beautiful mountain beaches of Nambia – the island nation that exists only in the fevered mind of their child patriarch, little Donny, Sr. The beautiful island of Nambia. An island surrounded by water. Big water. Ocean water. And, it is landlocked.

This time for real, he will not be visiting his many fabulous golf courses worth millions or thousands of dollars, depending on who is asking. All those tax cuts he gave himself? Can’t use them where he’s not going.

The realest TV you will ever see. The most fun you will ever have. Don’t miss it. Don’t miss them. Let’s get Tmrup the greatest ratings in television history. Make America greater than ever, or at least greater than the Tmrup days. It’s a low bar after all. Not so much a bar as a chalk line on the ground.

Turn on, tune in, throw up.

The Paying Attention™ Team

Lock Them Up…Where We Can Keep An Eye On Them

They’re Fired

February 21, 2022

Paying Attention™ Goes Hollywood

You have never seen reality TV before. Ever. You may think you have, but you are wrong. Believe me. Hear me now and thank me later. I alone can fix this. Forget the Kardashians, the Real Housewives, Survivor, Big Brother and all the rest of the fake-reality TV pasteurized, processed entertainment product. Here comes the real deal. You will not be able to look away. You will not watch any other shows. You will seriously consider quitting your job. I mean, more than usual. The best, most beautifully terrific entertainment is coming soon.

The Tmrup Show, which officially lasted five of the longest seasons in television history. It brought us some of the most riveting alternative reality programming this side of Fear Factor. It gave a grifting psycho tv “personality” a starring role to end all roles. And plot twists beyond belief. The guy who should have been voted off the show in the first five minutes, after flaunting his racist bona fides at the bottom of “his” golden escalator, ended up in the White House. Polling showed that most Americans would have been less surprised, and had more confidence in leadership if Mr. Ed had become president.

The Tmrup “men” after learning they must testify in New York State,
and the looming new reality show they cannot escape
The two Dons are delusional; Eric has no idea what’s happening

With each grueling episode, the majority of his audience hung in there, despite their better judgment, only to grow more weary, more disgusted, more emotionally and mentally unstable day after day, month after month and year after fucking year. Obviously, there were some who cherished their Human-Cheeseburger-in-chief, and hung on his every ill-advised, incoherent, insincere tweet, the thousands of senseless lies, and endless idiocy. Oh, and the racism – Tmrup made Archie Bunker look like the Fresh Prince. The feces-flinging-faithful watched with glee, while most of us looked on with clenched fists, teeth and eyes. But, we all continued to watch, however painful it became. And, as you well know, it was perpetually and profusely painful right up until it was mercifully cancelled.

So what will we do now for entertainment? Watch black people get assaulted and murdered by racist cops and assorted civilians? Watch all our coastal cities drown in climate-crisis sea level rise? Hope that Russia sets off nuclear combat by invading Ukraine? Watch Bitch McConnell decay right before our tired eyes? All electrifying cell-phone-based reality-tv video to be sure. But not good enough. America needs something so special, so inspiring, so hysterically fucking funny as to literally crack thousands of ribs across this great, bigly land of ours.

Tune in next time to learn about an exciting new television event you won’t want to miss.

Ed Venture

Managing Editor, Paying Attention™