Just So We’re Clear…

Paying Attention™

June 22, 2022

“You know what I like about Trump? Everybody was afraid of him, including me.”
                        Lily-Livered Lindsey Graham, June 17, 2022

Too many Americans do not really care about the former disgraced president who was impeached twice (once for aiding and abetting Russia by blackmailing Ukraine and once for plotting to overthrow the government of, by and for the people who overwhelmingly voted to throw him out – as if he ever really wanted or performed the job in the first place) inciting and plotting a coup.

Instead of Paying Attention™ to the two most critical issues at hand – the unrelenting climate crisis and the stealing of democracy – too many Americans are focused on high prices of gas and groceries, and generally not having enough money to survive. These of course are worthy concerns, but rather than taking the time to understand who is to blame – greedy corporate “people” and power-mad Ratpublicans who would sooner see us all suffer or die than cede control – many Americans blame Joe Biden.

“The neoconservative is willing to leave those problems [economically destructive, unwarranted tax cuts for the wealthy] to be coped with by liberal interregnums. He wants to shape the future and will leave it to his opponents to tidy up afterwards”
                Irving Kristol, considered the “godfather of neoconservatism”

They will continue to vote for Ratpublicans who, when they are not plotting to end democracy by taking over the government in perpetuity, by hook and/or by crook, spend their spare time peddling fear and hate. Even though Ratpublicans do nothing for the majority of Americans, and in fact focus all their energies on taking from the poor and middle class and giving to the rich.  And protecting guns. And stopping people who don’t vote for them (mostly people of color) from voting. And forcing rape and incest victims and other women to give birth whether they want to or not. And ruining life on Earth. But it’s easier to blame Biden.

So, how exactly is that working out so far?

Ron vs. Don

The battle in the Ratpublican Party is now down to two of the most cynical sad-sacks imaginable. Two soulless autocrats who have no interest in democracy, America or you. Whichever one prevails, if given the opportunity to lead more than his party, he will take this country wherever it lets him. And it will assuredly not be to a shining city on a hill.

DuhSantis & Duh Führer in happier times (for them, not for us)

These two nincompoops, once two pea-brains in a poisoned pod, have now positioned their oversized, unjustifiable egos* to be at loggerheads. Each continues to “believe” and promulgate the Big Coup Lie. They would rather ban books than guns. Enemies of empathy, democracy, America and reality. But now, like a morally-bankrupt Mothra versus a grift-obsessed Godzilla, they are mortal enemies determined to defeat each other and, ultimately, us.

_________________________________________________________________
*Though to be fair, many have conceded that Turmp is probably the greatest grifter in American history…and that’s saying something.

I. Mangrey convulsing.

 

 

Schmuck Of The Day

Springtime For Palladino

June 20, 2022

It is considered by most to be not just hyperbolic, but ugly to frivolously compare an adversary to Hitler. There are very few behaviors that warrant such a singular comparison. So, is it better or worse when someone uses The Hotsy-Totsy Nazi as a role model? And what if that person (having already gotten crushed by Andrew Cuomo – 63% to 33% – in the 2010 gubernatorial election) is now running for national office?

“I was thinking the other day about somebody had mentioned on the radio Adolf Hitler and how he aroused the crowds. And he would get up there screaming these epithets and these people were just — they were hypnotized by him. That's, I guess, I guess that's the kind of leader we need today. We need somebody inspirational. We need somebody that is a doer, has been there and done it.”
  Current Ratpublican candidate for Congress, Carl Paladino, February 13, 2021

Done what exactly, Carl? Killed six million Jews? Is that the kind of inspiration you’re looking for Carl? Couldn’t think of another powerful, influential orator? Ever hear of a guy called Abraham Lincoln? Martin Luther King?

Carl Paladino – at least he’s consistent

Should people be concerned that Elise Stefanik (R-Hell), the third most powerful Ratpublican in the House has endorsed this Hitler fanboy? Or should we brush Stefanik off due to her consistent full-throated election denial? Or should we just be scared shitless at where the Ratpublican party now resides and wants us all to move in with them…whether or not we want to?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Feh.

Broken News

Gimme Some Truth

June 19, 2022

“Almost two years after that fateful day … Donald Trump and his allies and supporters are a clear and present danger to American democracy.”
     J Michael Luttig, leading conservative thinker who worked in the Reagan  administration, appointed to federal bench by President George H. W. Bush, testifying before the January 6 committee

On his barely-functioning, soon-to-be-defunct Fake Twitter, which he calls “Truth Social” (no two words could be less applicable to Turmp) disgraced, twice-impeached, treasonous, ex-one-term-president and failed blogger Don Turmp weighed in (for a change) on what he sees as the warrantless persecution that has resulted from his terrific, outstanding, very-large-crowds presidency that made America so great again.

Turmp’s fake “Twitter” – he stole the format, just like he stole

his stupid catch-phrase, “Make America Great Again”

At least I still have my fake real Twitter account

Hey Don, I know how you can get equal time. Go and sit before the House Select Committee on Jan 6. Talk your fucking head off. I imagine they would give you all the time you want. You can talk until we’re blue in the ears. Under oath. Prime time. great ratings. Maybe an Emmy. How’s that sound?

Oh yeah, and then he went and did this...

And we are only half way through the parade of Ratpublican witnesses who did not have the guts to say anything when it really mattered.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Juneteenth festivities.

Schmuck Of The Day (Belated)

He Who Boofs Last, Boofs Best*

June 18, 2022

On the dog-doo-encrusted heels of the newly leaked draft opinion exposing the scofflaw Extreme Court’s intention to nullify the settled law of Roe v. Wade, there were a slew of articles implying that Susan Collins was "played" by Brett "Boofing Is All About Family Values" Kavanaugh when she interviewed him to help overturn Roe v. Wade as a Supreme Court Clown/Justice. Collins was not played. She was playing along. How could Collins have suspected a beer-obsessed, credibly-accused sexual assaulter like Kavanaugh of lying to her face? Fuck Susan Collins and anyone who even entertains the idea that a woman should be in control of her own body, and voted for her.

Collins willfully aided and abetted the construction of the super-stupid majority in the Court, voting to confirm nominees to the highest court who she knew full well were chosen by the Federalist Society for their obsession with killing Roe v. Wade, along with countless women who will be forced to die in order to save their unborn. And for their insistence that women (or girls) who were raped, even by family members, to carry those pregnancies to term as life-long reminders of the most horrific moments of their lives until the day they die.

I am not saying the following to be rude or mean, just accurate. Susan Collins is one dumb fuck. With bad intentions.

______________________________________________________________
* This is probably not true.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.

You're welcome.

Who is your schmuck of the day?

Fraught For The Day

Ratpublicans Relentlessly Fighting For Duminence

June 17, 2022

Gun fetishist and cutting-edge kook Rep. Margarine Taylor Greene (R-Qanon) is very worried. Not nearly as worried as she is stupid or insane, but very. Marje is convinced that “Probably, in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore.” Well, maybe that’s what you get for forcing women to have babies whether they like it or not. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she did not do the math on her demented prediction, preferring instead to pull the numbers out of her ass (where she probably thinks babies emerge) while managing to leave her head there to continue figuring stuff out in her own special way. 

Greene (right) and soulless mate Lauren Boebert

Making the case for mandatory abortions and cancelling straight people 

It might not seem obvious to someone obsessed with Jewish Space Lasers (still haven’t gotten mine; must be a supply chain issue; either that or their perpetual non-existence), facing extraordinary rendition to a department-store-black-site under Marshall Law, or being dragged away from the dinner table by the Gazpacho Police, or scariest of all, being mistaken for a fuzzy fruit and forced to be an involuntary test subject in a lab full of Peach Tree Dishes, but most people who are not strictly or not at all heterosexual, were born of heterosexual parents. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Although, it must be said that more and more humans (as if we needed any more) are conceived in Peach Tree Dishes, despite God’s clear intention that they not be permitted to procreate. 

Most people who are not Margarine Taylor Greene either know that many heterosexuals give birth to children who identify as LGBTQ+ and simply do not give a shit. If straight people going extinct means no more Margie Taylor Greenes then it really is something to consider. Until then, she really needs to be placed in a witless protection “safe” house, with padded walls and no doors – to protect her from being mass shot, of course. 

For better or worse, we’re going to have to keep a few determined heteros around strictly for breeding purposes, even if we have to enact Marshall Law and send out the Gazpacho Police to keep these breeders, or at least their sperm and eggs sequestered in Peach Tree Dishes. 

I predict Greene will lose her next primary to an AR-15 

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught For The Day.

You're welcome.

What has you fraught for the day?

BONUS TRACK:

Procol Harum - Simple Sister

More On Guns

Life Imitates Death

June 16, 2022

“I come from a hunting state. Nobody needs an AK-47 to shoot a deer and it’s time we stop pretending that’s a sign of masculinity. It’s a sign of mental disturbance.”
                        Former Gov. Howard Dean (D-VT), June 8, 2022

So the Senate finally deigned to make the most minor concessions, lest they tread on the sacred last 14 words of the Second Amendment, by tentatively agreeing to itty bitty changes to gun regulations. And for once these changes are actually meant to impose some restrictions rather than removing them. We’ll see how long that lasts. Assuming they actually pass something.

Key & Peele – Going Back in Time to Stop the Second Amendment

Full disclosure, I am no fan of firearms but I am familiar with the Second Amendment. All of it. Not just that last bit that so many people obsess over. I don't claim to even understand the allure of guns, but if you need an AR-15 to take out "prairie dogs and other types varmints" (which was the stunningly pitiful excuse offered up by extra-large varmint Sen. John Thune (R-SD*) for why people need military-style assault weapons) you should not be allowed to have any guns. Native Americans (remember them?) used to bring down bison (remember them?) with fucking bows and arrows. Many people are saying that bison are larger than prairie dogs.

Vicious, killer Prairie Dog (left), mangey, sniveling dog Thune (center), bullshit (right)

We outlawed advertising tobacco products to children, but we still allow marketing assault weapons to children. It is scientifically proven that the brains of young people are not fully developed in many important ways. Unfortunately, it also seems to be the case that the brains of far too many adults are either similarly undeveloped or are simply lacking certain abilities like processing reality or possessing empathy.

Politics Girl

______________________________________________________________________________

*South Dakota? Sudden Death? Shit-eating Dog?
** I may have mixed up the last two

 

I. Mangrey reporting. Bang.

Four Strikes And We're Out

Fourth Time's The Charm?

June 14, 2022

"I am watching and I will be watching all the hearings, although I may not be able to watch all of it live but I'll be sure I'll be watching all of it. I can assure you the January 6th prosecutors are watching all the hearings."
                  Attorney General Merrick Garland, June 13, 2022

With two live, public hearings now completed, it is difficult to imagine how the House Select Committee supposes it can persuade anyone in America who needs persuading to believe the tsunami of incontrovertible testimony from loyal Ratpublicans, which is demonstrating beyond a reasonable doubt that Donald J. Turmp did, with malice of forethought (such as it is) plan, conspire, incite, and do everything but physically lead the breach of the Capitol while brandishing a Confederate flag, on January 6, 2021. Not one member of the bipartisan committee shrieked, whined, flailed or made insane shit up. How can anyone take seriously people who simply lay out mountains of damning facts and eviscerating evidence without peddling demented conspiracy theories, or veins popping out of their heads or hair dye running down their faces? Beats me.

Lookin’ good, Rudy – we haven’t seen melting* like this
since the Wicked Witch of The West got splashed

The complete absence of alternative facts could very well cripple whatever hopes the Committee has of influencing many Americans to jettison former President Flotsam, and protect the democracy they claim to cherish despite having not the slightest notion what democracy actually is.

Money For Nothing, Get Your Chumps For Free

To be fair, not all of Turmp’s efforts were aimed at stealing the election he incessantly accused his adversaries of trying to steal. He was also using his Big Lie, his Big Mouth and the incredibly tiny brains of his followers to bilk them out of their hard-earned money – money that would soon become sorely needed and significantly devalued due to Turmp’s (not Biden’s) policies, massive tax cuts (which oddly enough have neither paid for themselves nor trickled down) for the rich and disgraceful handling of the COVID-19 pandemic. Turmp fleeced more than $250M from his flock for his non-existent “Official Election Defense Fund.” The money he raked in included $204,857 to the “Turmp Hotel Collection” – whatever the fuck that is – and $5M to Event Strategies, Inc. the “company” that ran Turmp's now infamous January 6, 2021 pre-insurrection pep rally on The Ellipse.

Noted legal scholar and Professor Emeritus at Harvard University, Laurence Tribe, citing federal law, suggests Turmp’s con on his own supporters looks like Wire Fraud, which carries a penalty of up to 20 years in federal housing.

All the money Turmp grifted came from his cult members; it seems very unlikely that he got any “donations” from those who consider him to be a sniveling, hateful, lifelong criminal and Hot Air Buffoon.

Hot Air Buffoon – off the coast of Florida

It is becoming crystal clear that now, for the third (probably fourth) time that Donald Turmp will be found guilty of crimes against the United States. Just to recap: 1) the Mueller investigation that absolutely found that there was collusion between the Turmp campaign and Russia; 2) the first impeachment, which found that Turmp tried to blackmail Volodymyr Zelenskyy to find dirt on Hunter Biden and 3) the second and record-breaking impeachment, which found that Turmp incited the assault on the Capitol; and now the Select Committee sealing the deal again, even ramping up the accusation from incitement to planning and

Anyone who thinks millions of mentally challenged MAGAts will fall for a bunch of non-lies coming from Ratpublicans has simply not been Paying Attention™.

Tears For Fears - Shout

___________________________________________________________________________
*You should the inside of his head…well, maybe not.

I. Mangrey reporting. Try to resist sending Turmp any money. 

Pertinent Summer Rerun/Reminder

June 13, 2022

With the House January 6 hearings now well under way, we take you back to a more peaceful time (just kidding) when John Eastman, one of Turmp's wackiest and most criminal lawyers - quite the high bar - came up against a federal judge who apparently was not an addled Fux News addict. While Eastman still walks among us, a free man, he was ordered to hand over another 159 emails that largely relate to his efforts on behalf of Donald Turmp to try to block the 2020 election result. Eastman has been ordered to turn these emails over today, hopefully offering more grist for the Committee's mill. Really looking forward to the rest of the public hearings. 

WARNING/GUARANTEE:
 THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE

April 1, 2022

On March 28 a federal judge ruled that Donald Trump likely committed a felony in his quest to steal the 2020 election. The 44 page ruling by U.S. District Judge David O. Carter, said in part: “Based on the evidence, the Court finds it more likely than not that President Trump corruptly attempted to obstruct the Joint Session of Congress on January 6, 2021.”

Carter ruled that Tmurp lawyer and the “Brain” (to Tmurp’s “Pinky”) behind the coup John Eastman must turn over documents to the House Select Committee. He wrote in his opinion:

“If Dr. Eastman and President Trump’s plan had worked, it would have permanently ended the peaceful transition of power, undermining American democracy and the Constitution. If the country does not commit to investigating and pursuing accountability for those responsible, the Court fears January 6 will repeat itself.”

Eastman and Tmurp discuss their coup plan

Paging Rosemary Woods
                  or
 It’s Not The Coup It’s The Coup-verup

Hey, remember Nixon’s infamous 18-minute gap in the Watergate cover-up tapes? I sure as hell do. Remember how that was likely what finally led to him having to flee in shame? Well, now we have…drum roll please…Donald Tmurp’s super stupendous, very terrific, bigly 7-hour, 37-minute gap in the White House phone records on January 6, 2021, spanning 11:17am through 6:54pm, which includes the entire duration of Tmurp’s planned Capitol assault. An event that presidential historian Michael Beschloss called, “a coup d’etat attempted by the President of the United States.” Ouch! And an event that everyone with an intact brain knows was exactly what Mr. Beschloss called it. This, as we saw above was also the opinion of a federal judge. Maybe someone should look into this.

Tmurp making one of his “perfect phone calls.”
Maybe the kind that don’t show up on official call logs?

The Icing On The Kook

Just days ago, Tmurp once again called on bloodthirsty war criminal Vladimir Putin to help him out by finding some dirt on Joe and Hunter Biden. Doesn’t he know that his buddy Vlad is busy pummeling Ukraine into dust? Does Tmurp watch anything other than Fux News? Doesn’t Donny know that Vlad broke up with him because Tmurp is a big fat losing loser? Does he not realize that was the same con that earned him his first impeachment? Is he really that thick? Never mind. Too bad Donny isn’t actually rich enough to be one of Vlad’s butt-boy oligarchs; otherwise he could make a new life in Mother Russia.

Disgraced ex-president bravely sits down for interview
with idiot son Eric’s nutjob wife, soils straightjacket

As if begging Putin for dirt on the Bidens was not pathetic enough, the disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-losing, one-term, seditious, ex-president and failed blogger could not help but whine about his 2017 inauguration. Yes, 2017. The year that happened five years ago. “They did it with my inauguration! They take pictures hours and hours before the inauguration starts, and then they talk about the crowd. We had a massive crowd! And if you see the late pictures when I was speaking, but they don't show those pictures! We have such a corrupt media!”

The Figurine Atop The Icing On The Kook

On Tuesday, The TV host of Russia's 60 Minutes show, Evgeny Popov had this to say, “It's time for us, our people, to call on the people of the United States to change the regime in the U.S. early, and to again help our partner, Trump, to become president.” Partner? Don't they mean comrade?

This begs the question, “Can you impeach a disgraced, already-twice-impeached, one-term, seditious, ex-president and failed blogger?”

I. Mangrey refusing to walk away from this burning building. Also, your shoe's untied.*

*That was an April Fool's joke. The rest, unfortunately, is not.

UPDATE:

Well, it appears that Vlad still considers his boy Don to be a valuable idiot. He quickly acceded to Donny’s plea for fake news on Hunter Biden. The Russians knew they could not use the repeatedly debunked bullshit Tmurp was peddling and came up with their own freshly excreted turd of a conspiracy theory. I'll spare you the details. 

SPECIAL FEATURE: PAYING ATTENTION™ DAILY AFFIRMATION

June 11, 2022

Unfortunately, there have been too many times when we have seen Donald Turmp under fire, under investigation, under interrogation, under oath, only to emerge nowhere near scathed enough to satisfy truth, justice or the American way (well, maybe the American way). Once again, those of us with IQs that are not preceded by a decimal point find ourselves hoping against hope, watching the Russian-roulette-gun-cylinders of justice turning. With the barrel of justice pointed squarely at the orange-dyed temple of the man who tried to steal America, will it finally land on the chamber with the proverbial bullet in it when the metaphorical trigger is pulled?

To that end, let us bathe ourselves in positive imagery, that we may summon into existence that which we desire.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Daily Affirmation