Post-Election Depression

Are You Sure Your Name Isn’t Karen?

November 15, 2022

Bull goose MAGAt and self-proclaimed Trump-in-heels probably is not the happiest of campers right now. Leading up to the 2022 election, Lake insisted she would accept the result of the Arizona governor’s race between her and Katie Hobbs. The catch as you either know or would easily guess is that as Lake said repeatedly, “I am going to win this race, and I will accept the result.” Well, as of now she has done neither.

We here at Paying Attention always try to treat everyone equally…well, if they deserve it. In the spirit of niceness, we would like to share one of our award-winning new greeting cards, customized especially to make Kari Lake feel a little better after her devastating, completely above-board, legitimate and crushing defeat.

Dear Kari,

 

It must make you sad that most Arizonans - not to mention a huge majority of Americans all across this great land of ours - think you suck. That’s gotta hurt.

 

Hopefully you will take this brutal defeat to heart and drink yourself into a stupor. Maybe even leave the country that thinks you stink.

 

We wish you a long life of abject obscurity. Please, and we mean this in the nicest way possible, don’t show your Trumpy face in public ever again.

 

Now, go home. You’re very special. You love you.

 

Signed,

All the good folks at Paying Attention™

Broken News

It’s Over Donny

November 14, 2022

First, disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Donald Trump, before he became a disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president broke with all conventions of politics and democracy – not to mention intelligence, decency, morals, and competence (though he still might have to duke it out with George WTF Bush on that score). Then, Trump managed to lose the presidency, the House and the Senate as his reelection bid melted like his orange pancake makeup in a Mor-on Lago steam bath.

Now, it seems that the numerous humiliating, devastating losses in the 2022 midterms – midterms, which according to history and the endless claims from the Ratpublican propaganda machine should have been a Red Wave, or a Red Tsunami – have finally taken their toll on the only love affair more torrid and nauseating than the one between Trump and Kim Jong Un – the on-again-on-again-again slobber-fest between Trump and the Ratpublican Party.

The following released was released,

Inside, it reads:

Dear Don,

We in the Ratpublican Party finally think it’s time to break it off with you sir. No regrets. We stood by you through the bad times and the worse times. Through the “Mexicans are rapists.” Through the “grab ‘em by the pussy.” Through the “good people on both sides.” Through the brief, embarrassing tryst with Kim.” Through two impeachments. And through the disastrous 2020 and now 2022 election cycles.

If only all your unqualified, belligerent, absurd, anti-democratic candidates had prevailed, we would still love you. But alas, buffoons like Doug Mastriano, Kari Lake (is her given name Karen?), and Dr. Oz (Melania’s fault, we know), among others, made our party – your party – look like stupid losers. And so, we must end this glorious affair…unless of course, you win the 2024 primary.

We hung in there through it all, and now, just saying all those things at once makes us – to quote James Comey when asked how he felt thinking he might have (might have, yeah, right) helped you win in 2016 – “mildly nauseous.”* We feel we need some space – like intergalactic amounts of space – and we think it’s time for us to start seeing other idiots.

So, sir, no hard feelings, well maybe a few, maybe quite a few. And we're so lonely we’re willing to take our chances with almost anyone else, even that classless clod Ron DuhSantis.

Even Ann Coulter says you should “Shut the fuck up, forever.”

And think of poor old Lindsey Graham; you’ve meant so much to him. But good luck sir, with your new Truth Social Party, and may the best fascists win.

We’ll aways remember the good time…surely, there must have been one.

So long, and thanks for all the religious zealots in the Supreme Court.

Now go home. You’re very special. We love you,

The Ratpublican Party

We’ll have to wait and see how long this holds up. They’ve broken up before, but the needy, loathsome Ratpublicans always come slithering back.

__________________________________________________
* Mildly nauseous? Most of America was puking and coughing up blood for five years.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled happy thoughts.

Question For The Day

November 13, 2022

Today's question is:

Is today the day Mehmet Qz finally "moves out" of Pennsylvania? Actual Pennsylvanians want to know. It’s like he was never here.

From the brand new Paying Attention™ Greeting Card Collection:

This has been your Paying Attention™ Question For The Day.

Fun Fact For The Day

Doug v. God

November 12, 2022

A quick follow-up to yesterday’s post on Tuesday's big, big loser Doug Mastriano.

Mastriano continues his non-concession stance despite the indisputable, lopsided, humiliating  results of Tuesday’s election. Apparently, Mastriano is waiting for God to intervene in the election that resulted in the Jewish guy smiting yea and verily the Jew-hating nincompoop. Maybe someone should tell Dim Doug that God already did. Or does Doug think God made a mistake? To be fair, by all accounts, God did make Doug. Do the math. I guess Christmas is going to be awkward this year.

Jethro Tull – Wind Up

From the brand new Paying Attention™ Greeting Card Collection:

Just thought you might like to know.
Now wasn’t that fun?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day.

BONUS FUN FACT:

The epic battle between Trump and DuhSantis is officially on. Hope it's bloody.

‘Tis But A Scratch

You Win Some, And You Refuse To Admit You Lose Some

November 11, 2022

With 100% of the votes counted in the Keystone State, Confederate cosplayer, anti-Semite and bull-goose looney Doug Mastriano has still refused to concede his crushing 14-point defeat at the hands of Democrat Josh Shapiro.

Fun Fact: Josh is the second Shapiro to be elected governor of Pennsylvania, though only the first to use his actual, (very Jewish) surname

Mastriano’s misplaced pluck is reminiscent of another brave warrior whose grasp of reality also left something to be desired…

Armless, legless, brainless Black Knight unmasked

Neil Innes – How Sweet to Be an Idiot

Pennsylvania voters also rejected Trump-endorsed New Jersey resident and celebrity snake-oil salesman Mehmet Qz.

Not to be out-dumbed, the Godfather of Grift (who kept all the money he raised to catapult his catastrophic candidates to victory for himself) had this exchange with a “reporter” on the eve of the massive Red Wave/Tsunami that never happened, and may yet end up being a Blue Happy Ending – a Blue Job, if you will:

"Reporter": You've endorsed more than 330 candidates this election cycle. Tonight, win or lose, for Republicans [her word, not mine] um, how much of that will be because of Donald Trump?

Donald Trump: Well, I think if they win I should get all the credit and if they lose I should not be blamed at all. Okay?

Okay. Let me know how that works out for you, since most of them lost (including Donnie’s tiny-hand-picked election denier who was thrashed by the now governor-elect of Massachusetts Maura Healey – the nation’s first openly lesbian governor and the first woman to hold that office in Massachusetts).

I. Mangrey reporting. Whew.

circa November 2, 2022

Schmuck Of The Day

Don’t Cry For Me Bolsonaro

November 9, 2022

I hope all of you took some time to vote yesterday, unless you swing Ratpublican, in which case you should go out and vote today. 

Speaking of elections, Brazil’s murderous, tree-killing authoritarian dictator just lost his re-election bid to leftist Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva. Bolsonaro briefly whined and moaned about stopping the steal after closing down roads in areas known to be favoring his opponent but nonetheless losing to Lula da Silva. But surprisingly, today’s schmuck of the day is not Jair Bolsonaro – the man known as “Trump of the Tropics”.

Unlike a certain disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection-leading and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president in this country, Bolsonaro voluntarily turned over the reins of power after his defeat and a moderate hissy-fit. However, as a shitful shoutout to his American counterfeit counterpart, Brazil’s Trumpster Fire refused to concede. And Bolsonaro’s malignant minions did not carry out an idiotic insurrection.

Trump (desperately applying his patented alpha hand-squeeze) and Brazil’s Trump

Also, we here in the northern America can expect countless Trump clone-clowns to refuse to concede, and it is entirely possible that many if not all of these (hopefully countless) defeated chuckleheads will throw endless Trumper tantrums, because they have been telling us for months now that the only good election is a Ratpublican election. Lord knows, their brainless leader still insists (though he knows full well that he is full of shit – and it’s the shittiest shit, believe me) that he is president and not the guy who crushed his sorry ass in the 2020 election.

So by default, today’s Schmuck Of The Day must in fact be the schmuckiest schmuck of every schmucking day, the one (thank God), the only (thanks again) Donald Jew-hater Trump. The only reason we tend to feature other schmucks in this segment is purely out of attempting to maintain variety and sanity.

I am not saying the following to be rude or mean, just accurate. Donald Trump is one seriously fucked up motherfucker.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day. Fuck yeah.

Besmirch And Destroy

The Fascism At The End Of The Universe

November 8, 2022

As in-person voting and the counting of mail-in ballots in the 2022 midterm elections takes its place in American history, everything is on the line. Democracy itself, the habitability of our planet, women’s rights to choose, the middle class, Social Security, Medicare and a list of specific rights, needs and niceties too painfully numerous to mention, are all at risk as Trumpian Ratpublicans vie for permanent control of the levers of power across this land.

Ratpublicans have no policy ideas.* A while back Bitch BcConnell (sorry, I have a cold) was asked what Ratpublicans would do if they seized control of the House and Senate. His response was, “That is a very good question. And I’ll let you know when we take it back.” No one in their right mind can doubt that Ratpublicans couldn’t care less about anything but money and power. If they did not hate America they would not have given us Trump. They would not be trying to foist upon us people like Herschel Walker, Doug Mastriano, Kari Lake, Mehmet Qz and many others too painful to name. However, here is what they are planning to do if America loses the midterms:

          - Impeach President Joe Biden.
          - Impeach Vice President Kamala Harris.
          - Impeach Attorney General Merrick Garland.
          - Impeach Secretary of State Anthony Blinken.
          - Impeach Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas.

It’s not me saying this. All of this has been publicly stated on video. Raphael Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz and other dim bulbs in the short-circuiting Ratpublican firmament are talking about it and spewing forth resolutions as we speak.

They also want to:

          - Outlaw voting for Democrats, and ultimately voting itself.
          - Outlaw all religions that are not radical Christian fundamentalist.
          - End abortion rights.
          - Ban books that present inconvenient truths.

Lest you imagine there is even a hint of hyperbole in the above, Tim Michels – the GQP candidate for governor of the very purple state of Wisconsin – not realizing he was being recorded – actually said that “Republicans [his word, not mine] will never lose another election in Wisconsin after I’m elected governor.”

Michels also promised to de-certify the 2020 election results in Wisconsin once he becomes king of the Badger(ed) State. Such a process does not exist under current Wisconsin law, but it will all be in a day’s work once Tim Michels becomes Governor-for-life.

This is what democracy fascism looks like.

Kinks – Money and Corruption/I’m Your Man

In Other News Of The Mentally And Morally Challanged…

Right-wing talk show host, miserably-failed candidate for governor of California and current candidate for Fascist of the Week Larry Elder thought it would be a good idea to publicly state that Democratic voters should have their voting rights removed. Quoth the craven, “I support term limits. Not for politicians, but for voters. After you vote Democrat two or three times you're now disqualified from voting.”

You are certainly aware that any race won by Democrats will be labeled as rigged, and will be challenged until hell freezes over. So pace your panic drinking tonight, this could take a while.

Freak out…

I mean, Peace Out.

Steppenwolf – Power Play

VOTE BLUE OR END UP DYING BY YOUR OWN HAND!

____________________________________________________
*To be fair, they do have a few. Never-ending tax cuts for the rich, irrevocable power, more mass shootings, Christo-fascism, and stripping rights from women and voters.

I. Mangrey reporting. I’m off to vote…while it’s still legal.

Fun Fact For The Day

Dry Tide

November 7, 2022

Here we are on the eve of the 2022 Midterm Election Circus coming to every town in America all at once. Yes, there will be endless piles of Elephant Shit to clean up on the day after. And that could very well be the least troublesome job two days from now. Many of us might need industrial-strength vacuums to sop up our tears.

Current polling – as these polls so often seem to do – appears to show that most Americans trust the party that consistently fucks up the nation’s economy and drains citizens’ wallets to fix the economy and put more money in citizens’ wallets.

It is often said (mostly by people who own boats) that a rising tide lifts all boats. What they never mention is the fact that it simultaneously drowns the majority of people who are on land. Prepare to tread water.

Just thought you might like to know.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day.

Broken News: Fifty Shades Of WTF

November 3, 2022

Pissing On Anne Frank’s Grave 

Evangelical Ratpublican Texass congressional candidate Johnny Teague published “The Lost Diary of Anne Frank,” a novel re-imagining Anne Frank’s final days at Auschwitz. Teague thought it would be a holocaustic hoot waste his time taking a dump on the memory of Anne Frank by fantasizing in public about Frank finding Jesus – as if she had not been traumatized enough in life and as if Mormons “converting” her soul wasn’t disgraceful enough in death.

There’s cultural appropriation and then there’s this infuriating boar shit. What on Earth would inspire anyone to perpetrate such insulting religious pornography?  Isn’t it enough that Mormons claim to convert the souls of dead Jews? And what the fuck is that anyway? Are they insane? Do we really need such anti-Semitic porn? Isn’t the rampant pedophilia within the Church, perpetrated by supposed men of God disgusting enough? And don’t these radical wannabe theocratic Christo-fascists have anything better to do with their time than to disparage the memory of Anne Frank? And don’t they know that Jesus (if he ever existed) was born, lived, and died as a Jew? 

Pick On Somebody Your Own Sleaze

Won’t these fuckers be surprised when the little Jewish boy from Nazareth returns to reclaim his kingdom and has a shit-fit that in his name all of these blasphemers have usurped and perverted his life and good works (again, if any of that ever actually happened) and tells them all to go fuck themselves. I’ll save them some time just in case their anti-Semitic Rapture never happens – Go Fuck Yourselves! 

The only way Anne Frank might have found Jesus was if he was in the bunk next to her in Auschwitz with the so many other European Jews at the time. 

Is that Jesus I see back there in the corner? I sure don’t see his Dad anywhere. 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled election torment.