Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part III

Final Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

Up the river with half a paddle
December 30, 2016

Where Did We Go From Here

I don't know about you, hell I barely know about me at this point, but for me personally 2016 could have been your basic whatever year. I worked, I lounged, I am en route to my first vacation in over a decade. I can live with all that. But it somehow all of that was not good enough. Unfortunately I seem compelled to pay attention and to feel myself part of something more than myself. For example, I have grown quite fond of the Earth, which is on the verge of being attacked more bigly than usual by an idiot bastard son-of-a-bitch who cannot see anything that is not in the mirror he so often faces. Also I cannot easily ignore the plight of those less fortunate, who similarly are under impending assault, and I have a strange aversion to fascists, racists and pathological liars getting crushed in the popular vote and winning the presidency on a technicality. I was honestly hoping to lighten up, take a few deep breaths, get ready to scrutinize another President Clinton, and never having to see or hear Don Fucking Chrump ever again. The best laid plans of me and men I suppose. So all in all, I would have to say and I will in fact say, that 2016 – a year that will live in infamy – can go fuck itself. It will not be missed. So before the future grabs us all by the pussy...or by the whatever, Paying Attention brings you the final installment in its ironically hopeful divining of the year to come. May you find some degree of peace, health, courage and most important - outrage to help deal with the impending Chrumpnado.

Aloha.

Ed Venture
Editor-in-chief-in-Hawaii
 

April 1, 2017

The king on his throne

Chrump, locked in a West Wing bathroom since the stroke of midnight, vows to tweet non-stop for 24 hours. His opening salvo, “Donald J. Chrump King of Twitter do hereby tweet Hillary Clinton is a loser. I am a winner.” Many people are saying that he tweets so much because it is easier for him because his tiny hands are a better match for the little keyboard.

His final tweet of the marathon was “I will hold my first press conference tomorrow, April 2^nd.” He did not, claiming it was an April Fool’s joke. 

                                                                        June 30, 2017

Chrump holds his first press conference since taking office. Few wondered why it took so long. By the end no one wondered why it took so long. This might have something to do with the fact that rather than answer questions directly, Chrump tweeted his responses to reporters’ questions. The guy living in the White House was abusive and had the room stocked with supporters who cheered their man’s derision of the press frequently hollering, “Lock them up.” The first question was, “Why haven’t you held a press conference all these months?” Chrump tweeted, “Typical dishonest media gotcha question. Will not answer. Deserve apology from nasty press monkeys. Next question.” It went downhill very quickly from there.


 

                 July 4, 2017

Chrump outlaws the Constitution. “Hey it made slavery legal. There was no slavery until the Democrats who wrote the Constitution said the blacks were 3/5 of a person. SAD. It’s old. it’s older than Crooked Hillary Clinton. Remember when I beat her in the election? I ran the best campaign. That’ll teach them not to give me the Emmy. I deserved it. I had the best show. They even got the first word of the whole thing wrong. It was supposed to say ‘Me’ the People. This I can tell you. I know a lot of things. Also they waited until the second to make the most important amendment. Two Amendment, right? Two Amendment, that’s the whole ballgame. I have the best people working on a new improved 21^st Century Chrump Constitution. It will be beautiful and much easier to read. As soon as they finish it I will tweet it to all my many amazing followers.”

Thanks Obama.

August 8, 2017

Водыgate (воды/vody – Russian for water) The Vodygate investigation into Chrumputin’s involvement in the hand-over of Amerika to Russia begins in earnest after Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell is caught providing an orally oriented oratory-free once over to the Russian ambassador on C-SPAN. McConnell still attempted to deny the incident, insisting, “The Senate was in recess and the chamber was empty, the senate chamber that is, so there’s no way C-SPAN should have been broadcasting. Besides, I was just helping the ambassador with his broken zipper and my hands were full.” New Senate leader Bernie Sanders told reporters, “We are going to find out what Chrump knew, when he knew it, and when he knew that he knew it.”

 

Meanwhile, Chrump has made his plans for the make-over of the White House:

 

Look familiar?

September 24, 2017

I. Mangrey, concerned citizen and patriotic blogger “testifies” before Congress. He was not subpoenaed. His input was not sought in any way. Mr. Mangrey just showed up, astutely timing his appearance with one of the few working days agreed to by the once-august body. Donning the customary attire in a vain attempt to blend in, Mr. Mangrey unsurprisingly was unable to maintain the faux air of dignity and ennui typical of the legislators he hope to sway. Even sporting his only tie, borrowed suit and best eyebrows, it was not long before his valiant attempts at civility devolved into language that would have reddened Cheney, punishing volume and hysterical laughter.

I. Just Wanna Testify

 

It was not much longer before he was frog-marched out of the building and experts are still scratching their heads over the fact that he was not remanded over to authorities.

Some are saying that the marshals were too busy high-fiving
Mangrey and lining up for autographs and selfies.

And photobombing…

I. doesn’t get out much

November 8, 2017

Marking the first anniversary of the election of Donald the Menace he visits the United Nations to finalize the Axis of Ego:

                          December 13, 2016

Saddam Hussein (who Chrump esteemed) had humbler digs

 

Chrump refuses to leave his apartment in Manhattan. “I’m sick of hanging around the White House. I’m having gold withdrawal. And people won’t leave me alone. Somebody blew this up, someone hijacked whatever. Some losers are protesting because I finally put a stop to that pathetic Amendment One. Off with their heads. Daily security briefings. Really? Every day? I don’t have time for all this crap; it’s cutting into my tweeting time big league. Not to mention hair prep. I’m trying to make Amerika great again. Leave me the fuck alone already. I have already sacrificed so much. Just bomb the shit out whoever it is already. Next week we’re moving the Pentagon into St. Peter and Paul’s cathedral it’s much more convenient for me.

December 29, 2016

Chrump is thwarted at the last moment as he readies to press The Button. Alec Baldwin once again portrayed now-presIDent Chrump in an unflattering way. To be fair there really is no way to portray him in a flattering way. Chrump first tweeted his displeasure before deciding to follow through on his threat.

Sources report that his first attempt failed because his little fingers were not strong enough to press the button sufficiently. It was when he returned with a hammer that Chrump’s mommy Kellyanne Conway noticed what he was about to do and persuaded him to stop by holding up a mirror and distracting him for ten minutes while Secret Service was summoned and had Chrump sedated for a few days.

Hope For The Best

 We live in Strangelove times...

We'll meet again

 

From everyone here at Paying Attention:
Ed Venture, T. Doff, I. Mangrey and Shay King

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part II

Further Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

Here, there and Everywhere
December 28, 2016

Where Did We Go From Here

Hopefully, you are either sufficiently lubricated, otherwise altered or completely fried, or you have already started your Rent-A-Coma program. In any event, welcome to Part II of our thee-part series on the way it will be in 2017. We begin with inauguration day and the official onset of Global Worsening. 

January 20, 2017

John Roberts and The Oaf of Office

Donald J. Chrump is inaugurated amid much excrement excitement. Despite much whining, stomping of feet and middle-of-the-night tweeting, Chrump was not permitted to swear to preserve, protect and defend the Art of The Deal or to place his itty bitty hand on said ghost-written volume, and was forced to place his hand on a Bible and swear an oath to the Constitution. According to reliable sources Chrump has read exactly none of these works. Chrump has been heard saying, “If the Constitution was such a great book how come it was never made into a movie?” Two million Amerikans were on hand for the swearing in. As has become commonplace at Chrump events, thousands were paid by the Chrump/Amerika Organization to act happy, but the vast majority paid their own way and were seen protesting and vomiting in the streets, as they watched the 45^th president being formally hired. Forced to appear outdoors…in Washington, DC…in January…without a hat, Chrump’s “hair” attempted to suffocate Chief (in)Justice John Roberts. It is not clear whether the attempt on Roberts’ life was intentional. The “hair” could not be reached for comment. It also appeared that Chrump did not know which one was his right hand. In a tweet moments before taking the oath of office Chrump said he was now doubly unshackled and would be “letting his hair down big league,” adding, “nobody knows unshackled like Donald Chrump. I will make America almost as great as me.”

What’s that book you got there? Be a shame if something happened to it. 

January 21, 2017

Less than one day after his boss swore to pervert, preempt, and defile the Constitution, Sarah Palin fanboy and Chrump’s Field Marshall Stephen Bannon begins to implement his Sherman’s March over our nation’s founding document, saying he finds it quaint and outdated adding, “So many people imagine they understand the original intent of our founders. Most of them are so wrong. I know this because I am one of the few who actually does know what they meant. Every single word. Since there is so much confusion out there I have decided to replace the old document with something newer and stronger. And more concise with language that cannot be misinterpreted. Plus the added benefit of having me right here to explain everything clearly right from the start. You’re welcome.” The delusional bigot toys with officially restricting minority voting, lowering the minimum wage, reinstating prohibition, instituting the marriage of church and state, and replacing the pledge of allegiance with an as-yet-undisclosed Bible verse. “We’ll show those secular losers what they can do with their hatred of ‘under God’ in the pledge, which our founders put there for a good reason in 1954.”

It is reported that Bannon took his first shower in a decade in preparation
for inauguration day. He refused to answer questions of any kind.

January 22, 2017

I am happy to say to all of you who did not vote for me – and I have all your names thanks to my Russian friends – that it is payback time and you will all be sorry…even sorrier than you probably are right now. Unfortunately, just like that guy who made the Great Flood – that’s from a book called The Bible, some of you may have heard of it. Pretty good book. I had someone read the Cliff Notes and then tell me about it. Great story. The Bible is the second best book of all time after The Art of The Deal, I know I said the Bible was the best while I was running, but…I think you know what I mean. Anyway there’s a story in the Bible where there was a yuuuge flood and everyone had to die whether they deserved it or not.  

            February 2, 2017

Pennsylvania legend and powerful prognosticator in his own right, Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his winter nap in somewhere in the depths of Chrump’s “hair”, sees his shadow and runs back into the tangled mass of cordage, signaling another nine months of executive branch insanity. The American public immediately decides the smaller rodent should be the 46^th president.

March 13, 2017

The new series QVC/White House, hosted by Ivanka, Eric and Don, Jr. debuts on Chrump TV. Featured items on episode #1 include Chrump Hair Cement, Patented Chrump Skin-tone, Chrump’s Best Words DVD/CD/Book Set. The teaser for episode #2 include the Coolidge China, Nixon Silverware, and a Grab-bag of State Secrets. This promises to be a top-rated show, whether anyone watches it or not.
                                                                                          New improved Oval Office

March 21, 2017

In another effort to enhance his personal investments, in clear breach of the Constitution, Chrump fights to shove the giant flimsy oil catheter known as the Dakota Access Pipeline right through the heart of the Standing Rock Sioux reservation. The National Guard continues to refuse to maim and murder protesting Native Americans and military veterans for a few more hours of Earth-killing fossil fuel combustion. After several days of mad tweeting Chrump brings in Russian troops to put an end to the protests. “I have tried to be nice. No one is nicer than me. I have tweeted about this problem for many days. Many days. Hillary Clinton lost in a landslide so it is obvious that people are tired of all this protect the planet nonsense. And it is nonsense people. That I can tell you. You people have forced me to find a final solution and so I, Donald J. Chrump, am bringing in my Russian friends to fix the problem. They don’t give a damn about Native Americans or the very stupid and dishonest environment. And Russia did such a tremendous job in getting me elected that I have great faith in them. Putin has made Russia great again and they will settle this thing once and for all. You’re welcome.”

Go and have a nap or a concussion, maybe some Prozac, we are only up to March so there is a good chance Part III is coming soon and you will not want to miss what's left of the future.

Ed Venture, T. Doff, I. Mangrey and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it’s too late.

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

Everybody knows this is Nowhere
December 27, 2016

Where Did We Go From Here

The gang here at Paying Attention has been trying our hand at divining the year to come. In reality – as if that’s still a thing – nobody can predict the future…as if that’s still a thing. Nonetheless, we will put our already dubious reputation on the line to tell it like it will be. Our record so far has been as good as anyone’s and considerably better than Nate Silver’s, since our first foray into Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle back in 2013.

I. Carnac, telling it like it will be.

In this case it is the Year of Our Chrump 2020…I mean 2017 (this is what happens when you use Rent-A-Coma). Many people are saying that this will have been one of the worst years ever. And that is after living through 2016, which even more people are saying was the worst year ever. In the same way that thanks to global warming each successive year is the hottest year on record, 2016 will be known as the onset of Global Worsening – if we are lucky. We at Paying Attention are hoping that 2017 will not in fact be the Last Year, but are not holding our breath as our incoming presIDent just tweeted:

The good news is that he probably does not know what any of those words mean. Unfortunately everyone else does. So as the reins of power are transferred from one man to…something else, many people are wondering what will become of the future as it fights tirelessly to become the present and ultimately the past. 

January 1, 2017

presIDent-elect D&*$#d Chr#mp, the man who said “It would have been easier for me to settle, it would have been less complicated for me to settle, but I’ll easily win this case when it comes to court, I look forward to it. Once you settle, everybody sues you. I don’t get sued very often, because I’m not a settler.” Chrump said this even though he has settled countless cases over the years, and settles a 6,000-litigant class action lawsuit for running a sham university named after himself (like every other damn thing he sells), to the tune of $25M just weeks before being sworn at, I mean in. Chrump will describe this as “a small fraction of the potential [$40M] award because as President I have to focus on our country." Everyone will then wonder why he settled all those other cases when he had nothing to focus on. Oh wait, all of that already happened…in the United States…of Amerika. Never mind.

CHRUMP U BUDDY! I never settle…sometimes.

 

January 3, 2017 

Barack Obama finally makes good on the promise the NRA said he made, and issues an executive order banning all firearms. “Today, in return for all the hysterics, gloating over mass shootings, and general destruction of the moral fiber of the United States, I am issuing Executive Order #13769. Now this is going to be a very important change given who you all have sort of selected to replace me. I know you are going to really like this one. Let me give you a hint: A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed so long as they are registered, trained and loyal members of a well-regulated militia. You NRA motherfuckers have been up my ass since you first saw my black face, yelling and screaming and frightening the children about the America-hating, Kenyan/Muslim president who was going to take everyone’s guns away. All. Of. Them. Well guess what? I decided to finally take you up on your offer. It took a while, but here we are. If the NRA had just left me the fuck alone I probably wouldn’t even be doing this. Although all of the mass shootings over the past eight years might have done the trick eventually. And then on top of that, a huge bunch of you assholes voted to replace me with a clueless, ferret-topped jar of Cheez-Wiz to undo everything I did to rescue you from the disaster that was George W. Bush. So fuck you. You idiots are so racist you dumped Hillary because I’m black? Eat shit and die. Agents will be showing up at your house, compound, shack or underground bunker to collect all
y’all’s firearms. You could have been reasonable and just given up assault weapons and hundred-round ammo clips and maybe not downplayed the weekly mass shootings, and at least pretended not to be such racist bastards, but nooooooo. You dickheads had to stand your damn ground. Sure, the next guy can rescind – go look it up – my order in a few weeks, but good luck finding any guns anywhere – I sold them all to ISIS. They’re all mine now suckers.”  
 

                                                   January 14, 2017

In advance of his inauguration the Chrump Organization’s newest money-making venture, “PRESIDENT CHRUMP”^TM announces a terrific Grave New World production. There’s a new bloc on the block: Get ready for the Axis of Ego. Taking his rightful place among the greatest narcissists and petty tyrants of our time, the Chrumpinator proclaimed the end of Amerika’s involvement in the United Nations and NATO in favor of a new alliance of nations to oversee global security and generally oversee. Only the most qualified murdering bastards will be accepted into the new world leadership. Say good-bye to independent media, voting, civil rights and any building not bearing the Chrump name.

One of these things is just like the others

Go and get a stiff drink and gird your loins for Part II coming soon

Ed Venture, T. Doff, I. Mangrey and Shay King bringing you the future before it’s too late.

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Feeling Better Yet?

Me Neither.

WTFAI
December 22, 2016

I thought this would become unnecessary or at least I would get tired of it. I was wrong on both counts…

 

Forget the Village Idiot, Amerika is an Idiot Village. Where the biggest idiot is king-elect. Fifty percent of us think Chrump is doing a fine job with the transition from reality to alt-reality while 41% disapprove of his efforts. The same poll showed that 55% were concerned about the Russians’ interference in the election. This seriously sucks, with a capital 'F'.
 

Nobody could have anticipated that Americans would manage to elect so unqualified a person to the highest office in the land.


Oops, some one seems to anticipated perfectly



Although to be fair, Chrump was not elected by anywhere near a majority of voters, let alone a majority of Americans on November 9^th. Although to be fairer, Amerika probably deserves everything we get since the most absurd, least serious, least liked presidential candidate of all time and most racially divisive in generations did manage to amass 45% of the popular vote - almost 3% fewer than his main opponent, who though immensely unlikable, was the most qualified, experienced candidate ever to seek the office.

We will soon come to realize that Chrump’s incestual longings, mysogeny and serial assaults on women were his most endearing qualities.

I. Mangrey reporting. May the Farce be with you.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Donald the Menace

He is Still Running for President Because He Doesn’t want to Be President Any More Than We Want Him to Be President

Land of The Lost
December 20, 2016

Last Friday Chrump continued his tsunami-of-pathetic Keep Looking at Me Again Tour, its latest casualty being Florida. As the Sunshine State crowd screamed, “Lock her up! Lock her up!”, Chrump took a moment to reflect back on his campaign. “Here’s what I noticed, four weeks ago, just prior to, and always prior to, you people were vicious, violent, screaming, “Where’s the wall? We want the wall. Screaming “Prison, prison, lock her up. I mean you were going crazy. I mean you were nasty and mean and vicious and you wanted to win right? And now you are mellow and you’re cool. You’re not nearly as vicious and violent. Right? Because we won. Right?”* Did I mention the crowd was screaming, “Lock her up!”? These great patriots, many of whom prefer Vladimir Putin to Democrats. Chrump has no idea where they got such ideas.

*Actual quote, said out loud, in public

Donald the Menace

Keep Outrage Alive

It is incumbent upon those of us not assimilated into alt-reality, as corporate media – perhaps the most culpable party in the “election” of Don Chrump – feverishly works to normalize the man playing president, to sustain a high level of outrage. Just because Chrump does once-in-a-generationally intolerable things on a daily basis, we cannot allow the sheer volume of hate, insanity and illegality to change our standards of incredulity. This is not normal. It can never be seen as such. No matter how much the corporate media tries to act like Chrump is simply another president. Just because we now have “100-year storms” every year, does not make these devastating storms less severe or catastrophic. Global Climate Change marches on. As does Global Chrump Change. Both phenomena are unambiguously the result of human interference with the natural order. Chrump is like a category 12 hurricane. He is not like a smart person.

We already know that Chrump has the best words. Many of them, like “euphenism” and “bigly” are his and his alone. Because nobody else would use them. There’s typo and there’s stupid. This is what happens when the unqualified attempt to use multi-syllabic words:

Guessing he never won a spelling dee.

He Has the Best Word Users Saying Words For Him

Chrump spokesweasel Anthony Scaramucci compared modern day climate science to the flat Earth theory and the theory that everything revolved around the Earth. I assume he decided that since he knows nothing about modern science, it simply does not exist. To prove his point he squealed, “I’m saying that people have gotten things wrong during the 5,500 year history of our planet...Human history I should say.” Yes you should, but you’d still be off by four million years give or take. And guess what doofus, non-white people knew the Earth was neither flat nor the center of the universe 5,500 years ago. I have decided that Scaramucci is a figment of my imagination, and not – as he surely believes – the center of the universe.

I. Mangrey reporting. Unflattening the Earth since 2004.
                                                                                                 
On a serious note...

Check this out and please pass it along. We cannot take this crap lying down. We can make Amerika America again: Indivisible- A Practical Guide For Resisting the Trump Agenda

He Says What He Thinks…He Just Doesn’t Think

He Says What They Think He Should Say

Back in The USSA
December 17, 2016

Many Chrump supporters seem fully aware that the guy they voted for was simply lying about just about everything. They insist the important thing is that Chrump is “shaking things up”. They are right about that. I wonder how they will feel when Amerika ends up with Shaken Country Syndrome.

Der Furor recently addressed his adoring fans and managed to unwittingly dish on himself. He is so un-self-aware that he thought everyone would love his little story about how his handlers told him to use the phrase ‘drain the swamp’…“So I said ‘drain the swamp’, oh that’s so hokey, that is so terrible. Then I said alright I’ll try it. So like a month ago I said ‘drain the swamp’, the crowd went crazy. I said whoa, then I said it again. Then I started saying it like I meant it. Right? And then I said it, I started loving it.” There followed audible moaning from the faithful as it began to dawn on them that they had been played for fools (they ain’t seen nothing yet). You could see the artificial color drain from his face as the Orange Gas Cloud attempted to regain his footing and assuage the stunned mob by meekly repeating ‘drain the swamp’ a few extra times.

Stephen Colbert interviews the real Chrump and then the bizarre cartoon version.

 

Fascist Footsteps

Chrump has his own alt-right ideas about voting, "I passed a line and I said, 'what's happening over there?' I thought it was a big movie. They said, 'no, sir, that's voting. They're voting,' and they're voting like really early. And we have to discuss that early thing. That's sort of — so many things are going on. So many things. Wonder what happens during the evening when those places are 'locked', right?" In true Republicant’ form Chrump doesn’t like the idea of making it easy for people to vote, especially after they voted overwhelmingly for anyone but him.

Vote for me you idiots!

In 1972 Nixon hired Cubans for the Watergate break-in to infiltrate the DNC and win re-election, which he did for a while at least. I forget what happened after that, but I don’t think it went well. The party of Reagan – whose personal claim to fame (however exaggerated) was bringing down the Soviet Union – is now the party of Putin as a recent poll showed that 37% of Republican’t voters have a favorable view of the Russian leader. I wonder how that happened. In 2016 The Russians teamed up with a self-professed Putin fanboy who urged them to infiltrate DNC to boost him into the White House. Chrump didn’t care how it happened as long as he could win. Can we be tired of his winning now?

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t blame me.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

A Fox in Every Hen House, Part 2

Wait There’s More

Knee-deep in the swamp
December 14, 2016

Chrump’s Self-Congratulatory Masturbatory Misery Tour

Chrump continues to crisscross and double-cross the country on his Self-Congratulatory Masturbatory Misery Tour. When not busy tweeting economically and politically dangerous and/or idiotic drivel, or meeting with important dignitaries like Kanye, the Electoral College-president-elect seems to be continuing to campaign. He is probably testing the waters, which will soon be undrinkable, for his 2020 “Just Give Me One More Chance To Make Amerika Great Again Again - The First Four Years Were Obama’s Fault” campaign. He continues to claim that he won the election in a landslide. This would be the first landslide in political history where the winner of said landslide prevailed by getting three million – or 2% - FEWER votes. Math and democracy are for losers.

Chrump’s continuing effort to destroy the very fabric of our Constitution, our society and our planet continues apace as he fills his cabinet with the most specifically inappropriate picks for each and every major post with very few exceptions. It seems clear that there are several major criteria for getting onto team Chrump. 1) have a history of at least allegations of assaulting women, 2) be filthy rich and/or a multi-million dollar donor to Chrump and/or a denizen of Goldman-Sacks with a greedy streak a mile wide, 3) be a right-wing extremist, 4) be a Fux News alum, 5) believe at least 25 insane conspiracy theories, and/or 6) have a treasonous hard-on for Vladimir Putin. Here are some more of Chrump’s picks for killing what George Washington called The Great Experiment:

One Bad Apple Don't Spoil The Bunch, What About Twenty?

Linda MacMahon/Small Business Administration – World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. co-founder, anti-worker, anti-union, anti-small business, hates paying her workers or giving them health insurance.

Chrump, Mr. Linda MacMahon and one black guy Chrump won’t f*#k with

Oh I almost forgot, MacMahon is a long-time business associate of Chrump’s – going back to the 1980s – who happened to donate six million dollars to a Chrump super PAC. MacMahon and her husband are the single largest outside donors to the Trump Foundation to the tune of $5 million. Chrump of course uses that money to buy paintings of himself and pay off lawsuit settlements, which he says he never settles.

Chrump doing who-knows-what in the ring 

Scott Pruitt/Environmental Protection Agency – Oklahoma attorney general, pioneer in turning government over to corporate special interests, climate science and regulation denier, who has spent most of his career fighting the EPA (I guess he finally won) and who is so far up big oil’s ass that he bleeds crude, joined other conservative AGs who sued to block Obama’s Clean Power Plan. But it’s okay because Chrump met with Earth’s lobbyist Al Gore before nominating Kill The Earth lobbyist Pruitt. There have been over 1,900 earthquakes in Pruitt’s home state in 2016 thanks in no small part to what I will, with tremendous self-restraint, politely refer to as the resource extraction industry. Luckily there’s only time for about 85 more this year. I’m sure it will all stop in 2017.

Andy Puzder/Labor secretary – fast-food CEO, strongly opposes a federal minimum wage. For some added spice, his then-wife accused him of domestic abuse on at least two occasions in the mid-1980s. Earlier this year Puzder waxed pathetic about replacing low-skill workers in a fully automated restaurant in an interview with Business Insider, “They're always polite, they always upsell, they never take a vacation, they never show up late, there's never a slip-and-fall, or an age, sex, or race discrimination case,” he said of the robots who might run his restaurants in the future. Really, who could blame him for hating on all those greedy minimum-wagers, keeping that big money out of the hands of their overlords incredibly wealthy CEOs.

Dr. Ben Carson/Housing and Urban Development – the sleepy surgeon will ply his skill surgically separating poor people from the social safety net.

Rex Tillerson/Secretary of State – current CEO of Exxon (you may have heard of them) who has only ever worked for Exxon since the 1970s, introduced to Chrump by ex-oil tanker Condoleezza Rice, personally awarded the Order of Friendship medal, the highest honor given to non-Russian citizens by Vladimir Putin in 2013 (at least it wasn’t last week), spent time at Putin’s vacation home to sign a $500 billion deal between Exxon (who we now know deliberately lied to the American people and Congress about climate change research since the ‘70s) and a Russian-owned oil company but could not complete the deal because of sanctions against Russia (who– according to the CIA and 16 other national intelligence agencies – interfered with our presidential election in order to get Chrump elected; congressional leaders were informed of this prior to election day, but we were denied knowing about this prior to the election because Mitch McConnell – whose wife “subsequently” got a cabinet appointment – decided the American public did not have a right to know. Mitch McConnell, who promised to obstruct a non-Russian-backed president from getting anything done for eight effing years. That Mitch McConnell.)

Tillerson and friend…or is it lover

Anyone who thinks they can do business with this greedy, morbidly-narcissistic despot – Chump, not Putin – (I’m talking to you Al Gore, et al) is dumber than first-term Obama who thought he could find common ground with Republican’ts who only wanted him dead and/or gone from day one, and never stopped.

According to Carl Bernstein, who knows a thing or two about lying, sociopathic presidents said, “Richard Nixon was nothing in terms of lying, compared to what we have seen from Donald Trump. What we have seen throughout the campaign is pathological disdain for the truth, the kind of lie and ease with lying that we have not seen before. Bernstein, who broke open the Watergate cover-up added, “Trump lives and thrives in a fact-free environment. No president, including Richard Nixon, has been so ignorant of fact and disdains fact in the way this president-elect does, and it has something to do with the growing sense of authoritarianism that he and his presidency are projecting, and the danger of it is obvious, and he’s trying to make the conduct of the press the issue, not his own conduct.”

To wit, Hair Chrump is preparing to purge the Energy Department of anyone who has dared to engage in anything to do with science and/or climate change remediation or clean energy. Energy Department officials declined to provide any such information. Climate scientists are now busy with the important business of copying all their data in fear it may be confiscated or as they say in Russia – disappeared – by Chrump’s Climate Gestapo or other anti-fact squads as they emerge in Chrump’s Grave New World.

Chrump takes aim at climate change and the environment

Speaking of Soviet-style exploits Chrump has seen to it that all national parks – public spaces – in the DC are unavailable to the Million Women’s March. Large portions of the national mall and Pennsylvania Avenue, the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial will be open for the inauguration festivities, but will not be available for protesters per Chrump’s demands. I am sure they will make available some terrific “Free Speech Zones”, as delineated in the Constitution’s First Amendment, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion with the possible exception of Christianity, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof with the possible exception of Islam; or abridging the freedom of speech of certain select individuals, or of the dishonest press as long as they are saying the right things; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble in certain arbitrarily selected locales, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances so long as there is no expectation of reply.

The Cabinet of Contemptables is not full yet. Still plenty of space on the shelves. Stay tuned for Rick “Oops” Perry at the Department of Energee-whiz and lord knows what other 4 Watt bulbs to complete the seep weep sweep. And with Perry in charge at Energy, what could possibly go wrong, other than him swallowing his own head?

I. Mangrey reporting. I’m so tired. My mind is on the blink.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA