Mythed it By That Much

Donald Chrump: Self Made-Up Man

November 14, 2018

You know the old saying, “The shit doesn’t fall far from the asshole.”  It has to be admitted that Chrump comes by his dishonesty honestly.  He comes from a long line of crooks and ne'er-do-wells.  His father, Fraud Chrump was a racist conman in his own right.  Chrump himself has always claimed to be a self made man.  He told a town hall audience in 2015, “It has not been easy for me. And you know I started off in Brooklyn, my father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.”  Even if this was true, it would be a pathetic perfidy from a poor little rich boy.  But it was not true.  Not even close.  Chrump got $413 million (in today’s dollars) of mostly illegally transferred dollars from big bad daddy.

Little Donnie Rich

The New York Times recently detailed the sordid financial shenanigans of the Chrump Crime Family.  Tax fraud, inheritance schemes, never-more-aptly-named dummy corporations to hide money from the IRS, in short a lifetime (actually two, and now three…and counting) of crime.  Apparently, Little Donald had such a good head for business that he was being paid over $200K/year by the age of three.  He was a millionaire by age eight – by which time he could barely spell his own name.  Donald and his siblings worked tirelessly to defraud the government out of taxes that were owed. Naturally, Chrump will blame his lawyers and accountants for something he will say never happened anyway.  The buck never stops.

Young Donald quickly showed prowess in helping to manage daddy’s dollars.  Little Donnie Rich apparently had the wherewithal to help his parents hide vast sums of money from the IRS.  What a sharp young lad.  No one could have known then that he would one day “grow up” to become a fake president.

One of daddy Fraud Chrump, Sr.’s last lucid acts, as he was falling deeper into Alzheimer’s (although many people are saying he was instead trying to disavow knowing any of his family or owning any of his criminal, racist past), was to notice that his dear Donald was trying to change his father’s will.  As you have already guessed, Donnnie was trying to keep everything for himself in order to shield himself from his many failed projects, which were bleeding him dry.  At the time, Fraud, Sr. solicited the help of Donnie’s sister Maryanne (then a federal judge) to protect his empire from Donny and his creditors, saying something “didn’t pass the smell test.”  What Fraud, Sr. was smelling was the early emissions of an Orange Gas Cloud that would one day poison, and still appears more than capable of annihilating the United States of America.

His eyes are bigger than his stomach, much bigger than his 
very, very large uh-brain; nothing is bigger than his ego

More Modern Mythology

“It’s is a very scary time for young men in America, when you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of.”  Yes, it is indeed a very difficult time for rapists and sexual assaulters of all kinds, possibly even if you are one of those and also a Supreme Court nominee, or even a Prezident.  What is this world coming to?  These vicious, uncaring victims of rape and sexual assault know no bounds in their desire for so-called justice.  They will use any means necessary – including eye witnesses, official reports and even the absolute truth – to achieve their ends.  So look out all you actual or would-be rapists out there, this world unfairly values women’s accusations of sexual assault.  It is not safe for you in this scary time in America.  The only good news is that your Prezident has your back.  He has been there a hundred times.  He knows what it is like to be credibly accused over and over and over again, of sexual misdeeds.  He feels your pain.  And he causes mine.

File Under: When You’re Her Father, You Can Do Whatever You Want

In all the excitement of his 2016 nomination,
Chrump forgot where Ivanka’s eyes are.
He sure had no trouble finding her ass.

Who can forget, especially since I keep reminding you, Chrump ogling and groping his beloved Ivanka in front of the entire world at the 2016 Republican’t National Convention?  It seemed so natural, as if he had done it a thousand times before.  Don’t forget, as Chrump has said repeatedly in public, if she wasn’t his daughter perhaps he’d be dating her.  And we all know what he means by ‘dating’.  Chrump is talking about having Ivanka replace Nikki Haley as UN Ambassador, presumably so they can work more closely together.  And we all know what he means by working more closely together.

I. Mangrey, doubled over in pain.  Don’t cry for me Argentina…Oh, what the hell go ahead and cry for me.