All He Is Cracked Up To Be

And He Is Completely Cracked Up 

Trump: “I’ve gone decades, decades without a war, the first president to
do it for a long period.”* It sure did seem like decades, that I can tell you.

November 17, 2022

Donald Trump has made the announcement that almost all of America – including much of the Ratpublican Party – was either dreading or preemptively writing jokes about. He had been threatening to do this for quite some time, and did so earlier in the election cycle than anyone before him. Yet another tradition shot to hell by the man who knows no bounds. The announcement that Trump was running for president – for the third time – in order to grift more money from the poor shlubs who keep sending their meager paychecks to the guy who said during his first presidential run, “Did I mention I’m very rich?” Trump also believes that his official candidacy will shield him from the almost infinite number of looming indictments he currently faces.

“I'm a victim. I will tell you. I'm a victim.”*

Many attendees desperately attempted to flee the venue, as the screed went into overtime for no apparent reason. All escape routes were blocked by hired thugs who had all exits blocked until Trump had finally run out of gas, lies, complaints about – you guessed it – Hillary Clinton’s emails and whining about what a victim he was.

Even Fux News cut away from the droning crybaby after a while. Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post made it clear how important Trump’s announcement was by putting the story right up there on P.26:

By all accounts Trump’s announcement was so boring, people were watching videos of paint drying, Twinkies decomposing and still pictures (which actually might have been videos – it’s hard to tell) of Mike Pence during Trump’s speech on their phones to kill the time rather than themselves.

Speaking of human still-life Mike Pence, author of the new book Oh My Fucking God (or something like that), did an interview in support of his book and imagined presidential campaign:

Interviewer: “Did he apologize for putting your life, your wife’s life, your daughter’s life in danger?”

Pence: “(nodding his head) Um…(still nodding his head) not in so many words, but in sentiment he did.”

I believe Pence meant sediment, which might not make any sense, but makes a hell of a lot more sense than accusing Trump of sentiment. 

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*Actual quote…I shit you not.

I. Mangrey (yawn) reporting.