Celebratory Rerun

Party Like It's 2012 

June 26, 2023 

In celebration of our 1500^th post on this little blog. Someone on staff pulled up the very first post inflicted on you, the unsuspecting public. In looking it over, we were stunned at some of the thoughts (What, no prayers?) and how they line up in relation to the morass we inhabit today. 

We present, for your rereading pleasure, unedited and in its entirety... 

Give Me Parole Or Give Me Death 

The Belly of the Beast
Friday, April 13, 2012 

In a stunning turn of events, famed lunatic and cult leader Charles Manson was denied parole again…for the twelfth time.  This is a major blow to the Republican’t party who was hoping that Mr. Manson would finally be freed from prison and able to jump into the 2012 primary race.  Frank Luntz and his lecherous lynchers of language have been hard at work re-branding Manson in anticipation of getting him sprung in time to save their nominating process before the general election in November.  Apparently the GOP is uncomfortable having a presidential candidate running from behind prison walls.  Who knew?  

Luntz was hard at work selling the Pied Piper of mass murder instead as a bold leader unafraid to think outside the box, an inspiring icon of the people, an independent spirit – a Maverick, if you will – who always fought against The Man and his Big Government, a self-made man who, while others were content to wear their flag on their lapels put the symbol of the land he loves where it really counts – etched into his forehead. 

Party leaders were sure that Manson would be the one to finally get Mitt Romney out of the driver’s seat and strapped neatly to the roof of the Republican’t clown car.  Now that Rick “Mr. Frothy” Santorum has seen his shadow, the writing on the wall and the Will of God insisting he exit the race (oh, and the impending humiliation of losing in his “home” state…again), there appears to be nobody left in the general population to save the Republican’ts from themselves and from nominating the hated flip-flopping gaff machine, Mitt Romney. 

This is why the party that hates women, Hispanics, Blacks, gays and lesbians, workers, poor people, the elderly and anyone not voting Republican’t was pinning all its dwindling and pathetic hopes on getting Charlie into the fray.  He is clearly more stable and intelligent than any of the cavalcade of lesser lights we have seen come and go during this Everlasting GOP-Stopper of a primary – Donald “I’m Not Bankrupt This Week” Trump, Michelle “Democrats Ate My Brain” Bachman, Herman “9-9-9” Cain, Newt “I’m The Smartest Man In The World” Gingrich and finally Rick “Man-On-Dog” Santorum.  The Republican’ts were hoping that Manson would turn the tide since he is known to have had a way with women.  

In other news, from the Bureau of Making Shit Up:  Alan West (R-Looney Bin) “I believe there’s 78 to 81 members of the Democrat party that are members of the Communist Party.”  After letting fly with this insane crap, the mentally unstable Rep. West stood there doing his best impression of Clarence Thomas during oral arguments over the past five years; that is, staring off into space without saying a word, somehow managing to remain upright while simultaneously unconscious.  Meanwhile the crowd he had just verbally assailed murmured in utter disbelief…or stupidity.  Apparently, after a half minute or so he was able to re-engage the tiny bit of fleshy material between his ears long enough to continue, “No, they actually don’t hide it.  It’s called the congressional progressive caucus.”  Many Repubs have recently floated West as a running mate for Manson Romney.  No, seriously. 

I. Mangrey reporting.
Thanks for listening. Responsible comment invited.