Fascinating – Trump’s Very, Very Bad Brain

Live Long And STFU

January 31, 2024

All the recent talk about Trump’s failing mental health is fascinating. Why is anyone surprised? Why are they talking about it as though it hasn’t been obvious for at least seven years? Has the media been asleep all this time?

I withdraw the question.

Covfefe anyone?  Do you know anyone who has been to Nambia? Can you not pronounce words like ‘origins’ (oranges), ‘anomalous’ (anomous), ‘swift’ (swip), ‘Indianapolis’ (Mini-on-apolis), and one you would think he would be able to say in his sleep – ‘totalitarianism’ (toe-tally-terry-a-tism). Does anyone have photographs of Gen. Washington commandeering all the airports during the American Revolution? Have you ever referred to yourself as the “Chosen One”? Have you ever been required to take a cognitive test to determine if you have dementia? Did you then tell everyone you could that you aced the test, which proves that you are a super genius? Are you one of the lucky few who protected themselves from COVID-19 by shoving a lamp up your ass and downing a jigger or three of bleach? Well, are ya punk?

If you have been involved in any of the above “thoughts” or actions you may have a serious mental problem – even if you can remember five very simple, familiar words over the course of several minutes. Even worse than merely having a mental problem, you could be Donald Fucking Trump. Mental problems might be the best thing he has going for him.

It’s possible this was photoshopped;

Who can really tell anymore?

This could very well be how Trump spends

his evenings when he’s unsupervised

to keep the Ketchup and Ivanka safe

Donald Trump is clearly 51 cards short of a full deck. His mental health has been a joke and the mental health equivalent of Thelma and Louise’s cliff dive since at least the moment he oozed down his pathetic golden escalator-to-hell that let him off a few floors too soon.

WTFF*

________________________________________________

*What The Fascinating Fuck 

Thought For The Day - What's In Your Gullet?

Chew Haters

January 28, 2024

So, up until a few years ago marijuana was completely outlawed in all fifty United States. Mainly because of the paper and petroleum industries fighting to keep from encroaching on their turf. Hardly because of health issues. If that were the case you would still be buying booze and cigarettes in dimly lit alleys while wearing a mask. Marijuana is becoming legal in more states every year. However, it remains illegal at the federal level.

And yet, there is no ban on something that I guarantee is responsible for more morbidity and mortality than marijuana will ever be. No, I’m not talking about alcohol – we already know that you can’t take that shit away from people. That was attempted – even had a damn amendment to the Constitution – and it was not pretty, nor successful; not for one minute. I’m not talking about tobacco, which has gotten spanked pretty severely over the years, but survived relatively unscathed.

Here is something that probably kills more people, albeit much more slowly, than heroin:

Are you fucking kidding me?

Sure, it is easier to chew and swallow than the barrel of a gun, but seriously, is it really that much safer to put in your mouth? They even gave it a name that sounds like it might kill you in your sleep, and it might.  Slow motion Russian roulette.

Better hurry though, its time is limited; and so is yours if you eat one.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

What do you think?

Broken News - Pay Up And Shut Up

I, (Wish I Was) The Jury

January 27, 2024

Donald Trump behaves like a mob boss and many of his malignant minions are heavily armed, lightly brained and easily moved to violence – especially while constantly incited by their dear leader. The judge in the most recent (and not necessarily the last) E. Jean Carroll defamation ensured anonymity for the jurors for their own protection since anyone who dares cross Der Furor ends up being inundated with death threats, unexpected, unwarranted visits from SWAT teams, and who knows what else.

At the end of the trial, after a very brief deliberation resulting E. Jean Carroll being awarded a total of $83.3 million in damages, Judge Lewis Kaplan advised the jurors, “If you wish to speak after the verdict, I order you not to disclose the name of any other juror, and I advise you not to disclose your own name.” This is not standard operating procedure. Nothing is normal anymore, ever since that psychotic blob with the ill-fitting clothes, the burnt-umber-paint-job and the cartoon coif turned the American political landscape into a Superfund site, beyond anything we have seen in our now-horribly-tortured and scarred lifetimes.

Ex-president Tantrump only testified for under three minutes, and much of his whining was stricken from the record. His lead attorney, Alina Habba was repeatedly reprimanded and literally humiliated by Judge Kaplan, as was her idiot client. At one point, Habba was doing such a great job that the judge threatened her with lock-up. 

After the defendant gave his ill-advised and completely unhelpful testimony, repeatedly sniffed, snorted, moaned and at one point practically shouted, “This is not America.” Well, guess what all you MAGAts out there, this is America, and it’s not yours. And you can’t have it unless you pry it from the cold dead hands of people who outnumber you bigly. And you will not be able to shoot your way out of this. Lord knows, you are likely to try. Covfefe bitches!

No expense was spared in order to keep the jurors’ identities secret

Donald Tantrump ultimately stormed out of the courtroom as Carroll’s attorney began her closing argument. It is doubtful that anyone in that courtroom was sad to see him leave and take his now-well-documented stench with him. Did I mention Carroll was awarded $83.3 million?

After Tantrump ran away from the courtroom, sensing this could be his last chance, he immediately re-defamed E. Jean Carroll, claiming he was the victim (as usual), that he never met her, it was a witch hunt, a hoax and a threat to his entire cult. Who, by the way will once again be called upon to send money to this poor, persecuted (alleged) billionaire. These assholes deserve each other, but we do not deserve them.

It would be entirely legitimate for Carroll to sue Tantrump for defamation yet again since he keeps doing it. She would understandably have no interest in being within a thousand miles of the man who did to her exactly what he bragged about doing on that Access Hollywood bus on his way to winning the Ratpublican nomination and ultimately the Electoral College vote, having been bigly defeated by Hillary Clinton and the American electorate.

If only America could take Trump to civil court for defamation, treason, slander, libel and sexual assault and force him to leave us alone and shut the fuck up for good.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled litigation. 

Thought For The Day

A Hard Fain Is Gonna Roll

January 26, 2024

Shawn Fain, November 2023

UAW president Shawn Fain gave an impassioned endorsement of the only sitting president to ever join a picket line – that would be actual president Joe Biden, and not the delusional alternative president Donald Whatever. Fain related how Trump “went to a non-union plant, invited by the boss, and trashed our union.”

Fain later went on Fux News and when asked why he did not endorse Trump, had this to say, “Nowhere in history has Donald Trump ever stood for the American worker. He stands against pretty much everything that we stand for.”

After excoriating Dementia Don, Fain gave us a wonderful, though almost certainly unintentional double entendre regarding the canker-sore on the United States – Donald Whatever:

“Donald Trump is a scab!!”

This is one scab that might best be picked at and tossed in a toilet.

The Strawbs – Part of The Union (1973)

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

What do you think?

Thought For The Day – Rodent Edition

Huh?

January 24, 2024

Not sure what all the fuss is about, but apparently someone important got a new hamster yesterday. While I understand they are very cute and make fine pets, except for those very dangerous, unpredictable attack hamsters, not sure why all the news outlets were so obsessed with this story.

In Other News…

Donald Trump must be livid about yesterday's stolen primary in New Hampshire. When I first got a glimpse of the so-called “crucial” New Hampshire primary Nikki Haley was winning. And then it turns out she lost. Surely there was rampant voter fraud. How else could Haley have been winning and then suddenly – just because someone counted all the votes – she loses. Why doesn’t Mr. Giuliani do something?

Surely Haley meant “This race is close to over.”

Or maybe she meant “This racism is far from over.”

Oh, now I get it – it was New Hampshire.

Never mind.

Although, if you ask me a new hamster is much more interesting.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

What do you think? 

Look Who's Fuckin’ Talking - Trump Edition #1

January 23, 2024

Back by popular demand, our newest feature returns with the most fucked talker, probably of all time…

Look Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™

For a guy who was so opposed to masks and vaccines to fend off a global pandemic, Trump suddenly seems very fond of “total immunity.”

Of course, this time the immunity is just for him, not to prevent the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people who are not him.

No one knows what this is: is Trump a damaged marionette?

And who’s pulling the strings?

Could it be…Satan!?

This has been a Paying Attention™ special feature:
Look Who’s Fuckin’ Talking™

Broken News – The Worst And The Dimmest

And A Sociopathic Pig Shall Lead Them

January 21, 2024

This just broke. Done DuhSantis finally realized he had no “no clear path to victory”. No shit Morlock. DuhSantis has officially aborted his poor excuse for a campaign in the first trimester. Like so many other gutless worms in the Fascist/Trump Party, the man who refused to run against Trump while he was running against Trump, DuhSantis immediately threw his itsy-bitsy support behind his lard and master Trump.

It's possible people are less than fond of DuhSantis and his book banning, his migrant kidnapping, sentencing pregnant women to forced birth or death, or his idiotic anti-wokism bullshit. Or it could just be because he is an infinitely unlikeable douchebag with all the charisma of a herpes sore.

So, the race is now down to Trump and Haley, who has already endorsed Trump while pretending she is still in the race. Yes, I know, one should never use the words Haley and race in the same sentence – it scares poor Nikki to death. After all, Haley has stated that America is not a racist country, God didn’t make little green apples, it don’t rain in Indianapolis in the summer time, and her home state of South Carolina had nothing to do with the Civil War, as didn’t slavery.

Running For Running Mate

The Fascist/Trump Party’s fourth-highest reeking ranking fuckwit Elise Stefanik is running a different campaign. She hasn’t been prostituting herself long enough to get in the presidential race, so she’s content selling the soul she claims (without a shred of evidence) to have to become Trump’s doomed running mate. Does the phrase “Hang Mike Pence” ring a bell?

Here’s sniveling shitbag Stefanik on January 6, 2021 hiding from Trump’s tourorist mob who were hoping to hang the guy who had the job she’s whoring for…

The arrow is pointing to Stefanik cowering in fear of her base

November 5^th can’t come soon enough, or preferably never.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled happy thoughts.

Fun Fact For The Day - When Donny Met Nikki

By A Mile/Whisker

January 20, 2024

Donald Trump’s seeming landslide victory margin in Iowa turns out to be thinner than one of the “hairs” on his head. It all depends on how you look at it. While Trump did in “fact” (see yesterday’s post) receive 51% of the very, very small-turnout vote, this means that Not-Donald-Trump received 49%. Hardly a landslide, barely a clump of sod.

Data shows that Trump underperformed in Iowa’s large cities and suburbs. That leaves rural communities, which typically consist of the backwards, the poorly educated, ultra-religious, racist, salt-of-the-earth…you know, morons. This is Trump’s base; it, like his deteriorating brain, is shrinking by the minute.

Trump is still bragging that he passed a dementia test that he keeps saying somehow proved he has a very good brain. It didn’t. he doesn’t. His brain is good at one thing – lying. Two things – lying and grifting hapless pinheads who adore him. Three things, his brain is good at three things – lying, grifting off of his cult and an almost fanatical devotion to himself. That’s all, three things.

BONUS FUN FACT:

Nikki Haley, who told a reporter, “America was never a racist country” and who finished third in the outdated Iowa caucuses behind Ron DuhSantis – the man who can only approximate a smile when he’s being stuck in the ass with a cattle prod – proudly albeit insanely proclaimed, “I can safely say, tonight Iowa made this Republican (her word, not mine) primary a two-person race.” Apparently, Nikki “What-Do-You-Mean-The-Civil-War-Was-About-Slavery” Haley learned arithmetic the same place she learned American history.

Nikki Haley – seen here being a total fucking idiot,

but hey, you gotta go with your strengths

Haley’s Vomit

Jake Tapper asked Haley if she would pardon Trump if she was elected and Trump had been convicted. Haley responded, “I think a pardon for him would make all of that go away and I think it would be healing for the country.” Hmmm, I seem to remember another disgraced ex-president receiving a pardon. I don’t remember any healing though. All I remember is that the guy giving the pardon was appointed by the guy he pardoned. And then the pardoned guy told David Frost, “Well, when the president does it, then it is not illegal.” This caused every constitutional scholar alive at the time to spit the beverage of their choice through their nose. The dead constitutional scholars merely began spinning in their graves, which they are still doing to this day.

Was that not in fact fun?

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day.

Fraught For The Day

John Wilkes Voting Booth

January 19, 2024

 HAVING TROUBLE SUSTAINING AN INSURRECTION?

DONALD TRUMP ISN’T.

On the eve of the Fascist/Trump Party Iowa caucuses, disgraced, twice-impeached, four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president and rapist Donald Jurassic Trump told his cultists, “You can't sit home. If you're sick as a dog…even if you vote and then pass away, it's worth it.” It may not be worth it, but it certainly would be warranted. And if you’re perfectly healthy and you vote for Trump, you don’t deserve to live…at least, not in America.

Trump whined about defeating the “liars, cheaters, thugs, perverts, frauds, crooks, freaks, creeps and other quite nice people.” Clearly his syphilis is catching up with his very good brain – I have never heard a more accurate, more thorough biography of the Orange Ogre, though it's hard to see where the ‘other quite nice people’ part fits in.

With the caucusing now over and dumb…I mean done, the focus of an anxious nation and a political party populated by less-than-sentient-creatures-calling-themselves-humans turns to another state with one of the highest percentages of old white people – even older and whiter than Iowa, which is no mean feat – New Hampshire. New Hampshire is 93.7% white; Iowa is 89.8%.

Iowa caucuses, clockwise from top:

totally secure, unhackable ballots;

high-tech analog ballot bag;

official ballot bag being passed around;

high-tech popcorn buckets in lieu of ballot bags seen at some sites

Caucus? They Hardly Know Us

There is clearly no way anyone could stuff a bunch of counterfeit bits of paper into a shopping bag or popcorn bucket. Surely Iowa must become a model for all voting across the nation. It’s exactly how the founding fathers would have wanted it, because it’s exactly how they did it, except it probably took place in a pub with some large tricorn hats instead of paper bags and popcorn buckets. This has got to be the most secure way to cast and count votes. Much more secure than those Dominion machines. Well, I guess it is when your state is 90% white...right, Rudy? How could anyone, especially a disgraced...and lifelong conman who is desperately seeking the presidency in hopes of pardoning himself from any or all of the 91 criminal charges currently hanging over his poorly dyed head abide such fake voting? I'm sure if Rudy Giuliani wasn't busy hiding from the law, he would be all over this shit.

 

 

Satellite image of New Hampshire

For now, the fascist/Trump people of Iowa have spoken. The caucuses concluded with Trump waddling away with a massive victory, outpacing his nearest opponent – Ron DuhSantis – by 30 points. Trump received (Stole? Many people are saying the caucuses were stolen by Antifa, the Deep State and Russia. We may never know.) 51% of the vote. DuSantis and Haley got 21% and 19% respectively. The two pathetic losers, who could not even come within a light year of the Orange Gas Cloud each acted like they just won the actual presidency in their fake “victory” speeches. These two idiots were spinning so hard they practically got third-degree burns. They will both bow down, support and hope to serve Trump after he officially vanquishes them in the coming weeks.

Ninety-one percent of the damaged dipshit caucus voters believe that Joe Biden did not – I repeat did not – win the 2020 election. No polling was done to determine if these kooks believe Elvis still lives, the Tooth Fairy shorted them after stealing their teeth, marrying within the immediate family is the only safe thing to do, or if they believe Adolf Hitler deserves sainthood.

Also, the majority of these caulk-brained caucus goers insist that Trump is fit to serve even if he is found guilty of whatever crimes he committed.

Speaking of Trumps litany of crimes, right after his huge, unseemly Iowa victory, Trump made his way back into another courtroom to observe jury selection in the second defamation trial brought against him by E. Jean Carroll – one of Trump’s former rape victims. Carroll is once again suing Trump for defaming her immediately after losing the original $5M defamation suit in 2023. Some people never learn.

From the moment Trump was punched out of office by the American voters – even the sacred Electoral College – his insurrection was in full swing. The multi-pronged assault on democracy, and ultimately on the United States (a country Donald Trump despises) Capitol and many who work there, was obvious to anyone with eyes. It was on live television, and then shown repeatedly for years. Anyone who continues to support the arsonist who lit the fuse of this deadly fire is aiding and abetting the insurrection that continues to this day. The Second American Civil War is in full swing.

Freak out…

I mean, Peace Out.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught For The Day.                   

                                                                                      

Thought For MLK Day

Still Dreaming After All These Years

January 15, 2024

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live
in a nation where they will not be judged by the color
of their skin, but by the content of their character.
  Marthin Luther King, Jr., August 28, 1963

My how far we’ve (NOT) come.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For MLK Day.

Thought For The Day - A Word, Please

Events On Calendar Are Closer Than They Appear

January 12, 2024

With the 2024 election less than 10 months away, and Trump still waddling among us…

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

What do you think?

Thought For The Day

Cloudy With A Chance Of Schadenfreude

January 10, 2024

Disgraced, twice-impeached, four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Defendant J. Trump’s “attorney” argued in court yesterday that presidents should have total immunity, perhaps even to order S.E.A.L. Team 6 to take out one or more of his adversaries. Trump himself insists that the presidency is worthless without absolute immunity to do whatever he wants. He has also threatened to indict Biden should Trump fail to secure absolute presidential immunity and then win the presidency in November – from his lips to no one’s ears.

Judge: I asked you a yes or no question. Could a president who ordered S.E.A.L. Team 6 to assassinate a political rival (and is) not impeached, would he be subject to criminal prosecution?

Trump “attorney”: says If he is impeached and convicted first…my answer is a qualified yes.

After all his arguments in court melted away like his inch-thick makeup under the klieg lights, Trump sniffed outside the courtroom, “And I feel that as a president, you have to have immunity.” Immunity, you say? Try shining a very bright light up your ass, or maybe a good, stiff bleach cocktail.

This farcical, fascistic fantasy could conceivably be decided any day now. In the incredibly unlikely event that it is decided in Trump’s favor, it would mean that absolute immunity would apply to the current president, who despite all protestations, lying and whining to the contrary by Defendant Trump, is in reality Joe Biden. 

Here's a thought: If Trump succeeds in having full immunity for presidents, Joe Biden should immediately have Defendant Trump dragged out of bed, or preferably the bathroom – you know, the one with all the classified documents stacked up – in the middle of the night (if it's the bathroom, there should obviously be hazard pay for the S.E.A.L. Team 6 extraction team) and hanged (I know where you can get a nice gallows, lovingly hand-made by a Trumpian “patriot” in mint condition in a Washington, DC evidence locker) for treason, or for reason. Checkmate.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

What do you think?

Broken News

Rally Round The Drag

January 8, 2024

Originally, Donald Trump ran as a way to be in the limelight and make money off of gullible schmucks. In 2020 he ran because he is a power-mad toxic narcissist who wanted to be ruler for life. Now, in 2024 Trump is running to stay out of prison – and of course, because he remains a power-mad toxic narcissist who wants to be ruler for life.

Trump seen here boxing, dancing and/or soiling his current diaper

The Smell Test

Luckily for the losers at his rally it looks like no one is downwind from the Ugliest American. Everybody knows that Trump stinks, though this is generally meant figuratively. As it turns out, there is more to this metaphor than meets the nose. According to former Republican Rep. Adam Kinzinger, “It’s not good. The best way to describe it... take armpits, ketchup, a butt and makeup and put that all in a blender and bottle that as a cologne. That’s kind of that. I’ve been amazed that everybody is just kind of learning about this now.”

Speaking of stenches, as usual Trump’s gutless, fascist minions in Congress are threatening to scuttle any immigration legislation, unwilling to risk letting anything good happen on Biden’s watch. They are more interested in aiding and abetting their lard and master in his quest to rule America with a tiny iron fist, and an even smaller uh-brain.

The esteemed Mr. Pillsbury could

not be reached for confirmation

Stop The Deal

Ratpublican Texas Rep. Troy Nehls, blathering about potential bipartisan immigration legislation, proudly explained his philosophy on governance; “Let me tell you, I'm not willing to do too damn much right now to help a Democrat and to help Joe Biden's approval rating.” This is what passes for patriotism in the Fascist/Trump Party. George Washington would shove his foot so far up this MAGAt’s ass that when he pulled out he’d have a new set of teeth to replace his wooden ones. Either that or go all cherry-tree on his ass.

This of course is nothing new. Who can forget Moscow Mitch McConnell, before his passing – wait, what, he’s not completely dead; oops – telling America, “My number one priority is making sure president Obama’s a one-term president.” Not to mention every other fucking thing McConnell has perpetrated upon us. This is what they have been doing for decades. How many times did Ratpublicans put forth legislation that Obama supported only to have the disloyal opposition decide to oppose the very thing they wanted. The only thing these assholes like about our Constitution is their sick, twisted interpretation of the Second Amendment. The only freedom sacred to them is the freedom to murder people with firearms. Fuck these assholes and the whores they rode in on.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled election angst.

Thought For The Day

Never Forget

January 6, 2024

Three years ago today disgraced, twice-impeached, four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Donald Trump incited his cult members to lay siege to the Capitol for the purpose of short-circuiting the final step in the peaceful transition of power consequent to a free and fair election in which Trump was trounced by the American people who, for the second time, handed the popular vote to someone running against him – previously Hillary Clinton, and in this case, Joseph R. Biden.

Not everyone agrees that the assault on the Capitol was a bad thing, many people were, and even more are now saying, that it was nothing more than a typical tourist visit. I'll let Al Franken help sort it all out...

On that day, one hundred and forty-seven white male Ratpublican members of Congress (with the exception of there being 18 white women and 2 Black men among them), including the current speaker of the House and his immediate predecessor, voted for the insurrection and the overturning of the election. Nearly every single one of these sick and sickening traitors remains in Congress. And most of these fuckwads are now insurrection deniers, even some of those who had to change their shorts after they ran for their lives to avoid, let's call it close contact, with their very fine constituents.

Trump’s insurrection continues to this day.

You can easily see why 25% of Americans believe that all the angry
white people storming the Capitol were Antifa and BLM…oh, and FBI

As if you needed further proof that Black Lives Matter was to blame for the assault on the Capitol...

On the eve of the Civil War a mob tried to break into the Capitol to disrupt the electoral vote count following the 1860 United States presidential election. Sound familiar? Capitol security blocked their entry, so the mob stood outside yelling insults at the head of the Capitol's security force. Capitol security was not nearly so lucky or successful three years ago – possibly on the eve of a second Civil War here at home.

Later today, Donald “Death to America” Trump will be holding one of his Bund rallies to officially launch his campaign to end democracy in America and celebrate what most Americans see as one of the two darkest days in most of our lifetimes.

May no one have mercy on his “soul.”

Ultimately, our Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day is…

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.