Monday, January 8, 2024

Broken News

Rally Round The Drag

January 8, 2024

Originally, Donald Trump ran as a way to be in the limelight and make money off of gullible schmucks. In 2020 he ran because he is a power-mad toxic narcissist who wanted to be ruler for life. Now, in 2024 Trump is running to stay out of prison – and of course, because he remains a power-mad toxic narcissist who wants to be ruler for life.

Trump seen here boxing, dancing and/or soiling his current diaper

The Smell Test

Luckily for the losers at his rally it looks like no one is downwind from the Ugliest American. Everybody knows that Trump stinks, though this is generally meant figuratively. As it turns out, there is more to this metaphor than meets the nose. According to former Republican Rep. Adam Kinzinger, “It’s not good. The best way to describe it... take armpits, ketchup, a butt and makeup and put that all in a blender and bottle that as a cologne. That’s kind of that. I’ve been amazed that everybody is just kind of learning about this now.”

Speaking of stenches, as usual Trump’s gutless, fascist minions in Congress are threatening to scuttle any immigration legislation, unwilling to risk letting anything good happen on Biden’s watch. They are more interested in aiding and abetting their lard and master in his quest to rule America with a tiny iron fist, and an even smaller uh-brain.


The esteemed Mr. Pillsbury could
not be reached for confirmation

Stop The Deal

Ratpublican Texas Rep. Troy Nehls, blathering about potential bipartisan immigration legislation, proudly explained his philosophy on governance; “Let me tell you, I'm not willing to do too damn much right now to help a Democrat and to help Joe Biden's approval rating.” This is what passes for patriotism in the Fascist/Trump Party. George Washington would shove his foot so far up this MAGAt’s ass that when he pulled out he’d have a new set of teeth to replace his wooden ones. Either that or go all cherry-tree on his ass.

This of course is nothing new. Who can forget Moscow Mitch McConnell, before his passing – wait, what, he’s not completely dead; oops – telling America, “My number one priority is making sure president Obama’s a one-term president.” Not to mention every other fucking thing McConnell has perpetrated upon us. This is what they have been doing for decades. How many times did Ratpublicans put forth legislation that Obama supported only to have the disloyal opposition decide to oppose the very thing they wanted. The only thing these assholes like about our Constitution is their sick, twisted interpretation of the Second Amendment. The only freedom sacred to them is the freedom to murder people with firearms. Fuck these assholes and the whores they rode in on.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled election angst.

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