Read It and Weep

president-Elect Clusterfuck

Limbo
November 12, 2016

“Ours was not a campaign, but an incredible and great movement.”
president–Elect Chrump, November 9, 2016

Donald Chrump all but promised mayhem if he lost the 2016 election. He said he would have to think about accepting the result…unless he won. He got fewer votes than his opponent, but he won. God bless Amerika. And he accepted his fate gracefully (for a few minutes at least). Unfortunately, Chrump is the messiah for a basket of sore winners. Who would have thought that immediately after the most racist, fascist, hateful candidate in modern Amerikan history – under the auspices of the Alt-Right – got elected president, many of his followers would start harassing and threatening all the people their candidate harassed and threatened throughout the campaign. Swastikas are showing up, threats of lynching black students at an Ivy League college – and that’s just in Pennsylvania. The KKK is planning a Chrump victory march in North Carolina. President-Elect Clusterfuck is silent. If you are expecting a slew of apologies for all the damage he has already done, in order to begin healing the nation Chrump stabbed in the throat, then you will be on the New Enemies List. I wonder if it will be in alphabetical order. If you are expecting presidential oratory, explaining how we are one nation and must put aside our petty fascism, racism and death wishes for people who are African American or Hispanic or Muslim or Jewish or LGBTQ or pro-choice or liberal, and come together to – oh I don’t know maybe something like ‘make Amerika great again’ is a phrase I’ve heard bandied about of late – don’t hold your breath. I was sure all the virulent hatred Chrump exposed, embodied and exacerbated would simply go away once the Nazify Main Street candidate got elected. At least he picked the most rabidly anti-gay, anti-choice, pro-tobacco, pro-Koch brothers VP he could find to be in charge of policy. I'm sure this is going to be great. Again.

Dems the Breaks

Meanwhile, the Democratic Party is toast. Hillary Clinton becomes the second Democrat in a generation to win the popular vote (despite valiant efforts to repress the vote) and lose in the Electoral College because the electorate has been gerrymandered into absurdity. The only reason Obama won in 2008 was the absolute devastation the Bush/Cheney regime rained down upon this country. Oh and maybe that Sarah Palin thing. Republican’ts blow the place up time after time and they just get stronger: government shutdowns, filibusters, and perpetual obstruction – they repeatedly voted against their own legislation once Obama embraced it – and that is just on the political side. They enabled economic chaos, international chaos, racial chaos, electoral chaos. Dems keep trying to act like adults when clearly much of Amerika does not respect adult behavior in the least. And now the Amerikan electorate has tantrummed a walking hissy fit with the temperament of a five-year-old into the highest office in the land. The Republican’ts gain traction by throwing legislative tantrums – a match made in…wherever.

So we “owe him an open mind and a chance to lead” as Hillary Clinton suggested? Bullshit. You mean like Mitch McConnell and the entire Republican’t party did for Barack Obama when he was elected – by both the popular and electoral vote? Bullshit. You mean like Al Gore did after the Supreme Court stole the presidency from him? How did that work out? I can’t remember. You mean like Gerald Ford healed the nation by pardoning Nixon? Did he mean heeled? Sometimes you just have to go Mario Savio on their asses. I am quite aware that what I am suggesting is a vicious circle but I really don’t think Progressives should be the ones to blink. We already have two swollen-shut black eyes, which makes blinking painful anyway. Enough with the fucking blinking already. Screw Hillary Clinton’s message of civility. That trick never works. Amerikans only respect macho bluster. And results.

An Oldie But a Goodie

Anti-Chrump march in Philadelphia…

in Portland, Oregon…

 

in New York City…

in Memphis, Tennessee

 

Hold onto your…whatever folks. The new first family with the Stepford wife and daughter, the Boys-From-Brazil sons, poised to be Daddy’s Little Helpers in running the newest family business, makes the Addams Family look like the Brady Bunch. They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and hooky, they’re altogether spooky – the Chrump Family. And Gomez ain’t got nothing on his freaky counterpart. At least Gomez only blew up model trains. We can now only wait for and try not to imagine what Chrump might decide to blow up. I am confident that Amerika, Inc., a subsidiary of the Chrump Organization will go public very soon. Big league. Just don’t ask to look at their books.

Which family is moving into the White House?

How Tweet It Is

This is autocratic asshole he really is…

This is the thoughtful presidentialist his handlers want us to think he is…

Chrump is nothing but a phony phuck. How long before Hair Chrump starts suing protesters for being “very unfair” or simply outlaws protests because he says they are the ones stopping Amerika from being great again? Seeing as Chrump has been in constant contact with the Russians during his campaign, could it be he is getting leaderly advice from his pal Vlad? Remember when Sarah Palin went apeshit over Obama “palling around with terrorists” because he knew Bill Ayers decades earlier? Me neither. Little Donnie Douchebag got into bed with the Russians to win a presidential election…now. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal since the FBI was working toward the same end and the media was too busy drooling over spoon-fed stories about Clinton’s emails to be bothered with a presidential candidate, who has been openly dreamy-eyed over Vladimir Putin and has known ties to Russian money, colluding with the Russians. A Russian diplomat has stated publicly that the Chrump campaign had been in contact with Moscow during the campaign. The Amerikan media couldn’t even get this conman to show his taxes; I guess he never emailed them to his accountant.

Spotted on the internets: When Barry Met Silly

According to Reince Priebus we can rest assured that, “Donald Trump is taking this very seriously…” Listen, momentary lapses into heavily-coached adult-like behavior does not make one an adult. If I went round saying I was presidential just because I managed to not insult everyone I came into contact with for a few days or promised to stop grabbin’ pussy I’d be locked up. If I told you that not being able to make my taxes public because of extensive business entanglements with the Russians, not paying any taxes for decades and four bankruptcies qualifies me to run the largest economy in history you’d put me away. Just because the Electoral College made you president doesn’t erase most of 70 years and 146 days’ worth of asinine, irresponsible, dishonest, racist behavior. However, the goldfish-like memory of much of the Amerikan public just might do the trick.

I. Mangrey reporting. My motto: To protest and serve.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Still Plenty Berned Up

I’m a Little Post-Occupied

Home, Home on the Rage
November 11, 2016

As we ponder the nauseating horror of the impending Chrump presidency, we must take where we can. Let us not forget the very real and pleasantly surprising Bernie Sanders phenomenon. If not for the Democratic Party machine running interference at every moment, we might have seen Sanders v. Chrump, but that’s politics. And the party honchos got what they paid for. In all the confusion, between trying to convince ourselves that Hillary Clinton was more Occupy than Wall Street, and trying desperately to avoid what we now face head-on: a Donald Chrump presidency, we might be excused for having lost sight of what Bernie has energized – a truly progressive movement. A movement rekindled by Occupy Wall Street. Occupy made a beautiful noise and then faded from view after exploding onto the scene in 2011. But Occupy did not go away. They quietly helped many people keep their houses from being stolen by the banks. Occupy empowered many smart, motivated young people to become and remain politically active and opened the door for Bernie Sanders’ historic candidacy. The Sanders phase of the movement is not going away either, just because it had to hold its nose and support Clinton. Thousands of people marching in dozens of cities every day since the election make it clear that The 99% are not just rolling over after getting pooched by the Russians, the FBI and the Democratic Party old guard. Plans are in the works for a Million Woman March on Inauguration Day in DC. We will not succumb to the Orange Gas Cloud so easily.

Bernie Sanders was the Democrats’ change candidate, the only one fighting for the environment and much stronger than Clinton on minimum wage increase, strengthening unions, reining in corporate thievery, taxing those who can easily afford to help out, protecting Social Security and Medicare, better trade deals, etc. Bernie’s platform was disingenuously co-opted by the Clinton campaign in order to siphon off the enthusiasm Sanders generated all across the country. Chrump is poised to declare open warfare on the environment – with the one exception of the singular place on Earth where he insists climate change is real – off the coast of Scotland where rising sea levels threaten his despicable golf course and where Chrump is pushing for a wall to keep out the ocean. Hmmmmm, where have I heard that song before? Bernie Sanders made Clinton realize she had to pretend much more vigorously to be pro-environment, but I guess Bernie didn’t count on the fact that so many Amerikans think the environment is a communist plot, or maybe a hoax perpetrated by aliens. We will have to wait and see on that one. I wonder how many Chrump supporters have been abducted by aliens at one time or another.

Bernie was able to help Americans realize how much they actually like Socialism. And we really do like our American socialism. But clearly many of our fellow citizens prefer dictatorships. These same people don’t realize that they are benefitting greatly from socialist programs. Let’s see how they like it after they find out that they pulled the rug out from under their own feet. This country has elected someone who sold himself as a purveyor of hatred and ignorance. Chrump has brought Amerika to the point where we have the German chancellor saying, “The election campaign this year was a particular one with some confrontations that were difficult to stomach. Germany and America are connected by values: democracy, freedom and respect for the law and the dignity of man, independent of origin, skin color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or political views.” Just so we’re clear: Germany – yes, that Germany – is telling the United States to get right with social equality and lighten up on all the hatred. Chrump has made it abundantly clear that he stands for exactly none of what Angela Merkel – the woman who leads Germany – spelled out. Until proven otherwise I will be taking Chrump at his constant, consistent and unambiguous word. I’m a glass half fucked kind of guy.

I. Mangrey reporting. How are you feeling?
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

I’m With Someone Else

Time To Have a Serious Deny-alogue

Somewhere Over the Painbow
November 10, 2016

Inspired by the raging success of the climate change deniers I am excited to announce a new movement for our time. And by new I mean it has been around forever and seemingly beaten to death, but for our purposes, let’s call it new. As you know the scientific community is all but unanimous as regards the existence of and human contribution to global climate change, which will be less than kind to the humans who insist on accelerating it along with anyone else that happens to inhabit the same planet they do. Many Amerikans remain completely unwilling to buy into a bunch of theories cooked up by bunch of so-called scientists. They know more than all the scientists. And they will be able to prove their point very soon and they will do it with great vigor and ease. Some of us have other fish to fry before we ourselves become fried fish.

I am talking about the Chrump/Republican’t Election Denial (CRED) Movement. This is a movement whose time has come. It is time for many people to say that the 2016 election was nothing more than a hoax perpetrated by the Russians; the Chinese were too busy with their climate hoax to get involved, though the FBI managed to provide considerable assistance. Chrump will show those Chinese who is boss by appointing a rabid climate denier to head the EPA…until he can abolish the agency altogether. Now that we have elected a bowel moment as president it is time to take them out of our asses and stick our heads in the sand where they belong. Despite the Tsunami of Tsupid^TM that swamped the ship of state, the CRED Movement can bring a powerful, albeit totally devoid of factual evidence, voice to the conversation now rampaging across Amerika. This is after all the essence of Amerikan dialogue. If at first you don’t succeed deny, deny again. The first (if you deny at least two other probable arrivals to our shores prior to the one we prefer to use for our denial-laden story) illegal aliens on this land started out by denying that the people who just happened to be living on this continent had any value or meaning or rights whatsoever and waltzed right in. Yes, I’m aware that the waltz had yet to be invented, but who cares. With the mighty force of the CRED Movement behind me, if I say we waltzed then that is in “fact” what happened. Then we denied that the slaves upon whose raped, tortured and murdered backs we were building this nation were people. Sure, we made that work for some for quite a while, but eventually we had to almost sort of acknowledge that maybe it wasn’t the best thing to have done…but those days are fading fast. More recently we denied that George W. Bush was not actually elected in 2000, but instead appointed illegitimately by the Supreme Court despite losing both the popular and the electoral vote. Then we denied that waterboarding was torture. Many flaming f*#kwits (particularly the guy who was just hoaxed into office) spent the last eight years denying that our current president was, a) born in this country, and b) our duly elected president. Now many are denying once again that the candidate getting the most votes from the most Americans won the election. Many are denying that the president-elect began his presidential bid years ago by levelling a racist attack against Amerika's first black president, officially kicked off his campaign by calling most Mexican immigrants criminals and rapists, demanded a total ban on Muslims entering Amerika, disrespected veterans repeatedly, mocked the handicapped and Native Americans, assaulted an unknown number of women, enabled racists to come out of the gun cabinet and spent most of his 70 years on Earth lying, cheating and stealing. What a country!

For once I can agree with Hair Chrump

 

Denial baby! Hey, it’s worth a fucking shot. If nothing else denial is an accepted stage in the grieving process as laid out by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross – in fact it is the first stage (followed by anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). So I think I am on pretty solid footing here. I also propose a slight modification to the Kübler-Ross model as follows:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. More anger
5. Depression
6. Angrier anger
7. Kicking ass

I hope you will join the movement. You don’t have to abide by all the steps…you can just deny ever having seen them. I know it seems like a lot of work, but if you want to make a revolution you have to break a few legs. (I never said that.)

I. Mangrey building CRED. You didn’t hear it from me.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

R.I.P. Leonard Cohen

 

WTFF

Death Be Not Loud

Koyaanisqatsi
November 9, 2016; 9:07 AM ET

"We have nothing polite to say right now."
A top advisor to Bernie Sanders to CNN’s Jeff Zeleny
 
“Let me help you out Bernie…F*#k this c#*ksucking
fascist motherf*@king hatemonger, please.”
Ed Venture, Editor Paying Attention

Well, shit just got real. And it got real shitty. Real fast. Good-bye satire. Good-bye hyperbole. Hello good-bye.

 
Emphasis on ‘disintegrating’

I hope you can make sense this. I’m barely conscious, I continue to have only one eye open and somehow I’m still seeing double, and I can’t feel my brain or my fingers so I’m not exactly sure what’s appearing in front of me, or by extension - you. I have only a mild level of confidence that words and/or sentences are happening, but I can’t be absolutely sure yet. My teeth are throbbing and my hair hurts. For some reason my forehead is massively black and blue. I do believe I’ll be able to manage solid foods and possibly even keep some of it down by the end of the week and the doctors are hopeful I will be able to dress myself some time in December. After that the plan is to ease me back into “society” little by little until I prove myself capable of being in the presence of random Amerikans without harming myself or others. I know that one day this will all be possible again. I believe I am redeemable. The only good news is now I can stop trying to convince myself that Hillary Clinton was an acceptable candidate…an acceptable whatever. But none of that matters at the moment. My most important decision right now is whether or not to inhale.

I. Mangrey in The Morning

I’m pretty sure I saw thousands of white supremacists dancing in the streets last night…or maybe it was on the internets, or perhaps I just heard many people saying it. Either way I am confident that the shock of this soul-crushing anguish will wear off by the time Chrump runs for his third term in 2024. After that I’m sure what’s left of Amerika will dust herself off, regain her composure and elect Barney…or Ted Nugent. It can’t get any worse. Right?

P*%$#@&$t Barney Chrump I

Bernie Sanders was right about many things, particularly helping more people get a college education. The most important reason Bernie is right about helping people get a college education is that Chrump won biggest among non-college educated white males and also did very well with non-college educated white women. A while back Chrump presciently said, “I love the poorly educated.” Now we know why. They elected him. Literally. After 240 years we can have some understanding of why the founding fathers believed only the educated should be counted on to select our leaders. Of course they remain spectacularly wrong about the white male part. This is what happens when under-educated white folks revolt. And trust me, they are revolting. What part of the draft-dodging, tax-cheating, pussy-grabbing bigoted-neo-fascist-woman-hating-conman-moron narcissistic oaf did you people not get?  Oh right, there was that email thing.

Chrump To Amerika!

And now it’s springtime for Chrump and Amerika. Winter for liberals and thought. Springtime for Chrump in Amerika, now morons go into your dance.

Here comes the rapid acceleration of climate change. The deniers are running the asylum. Stop and Frisk will soon seem like the advent of the Miranda ruling. Get ready for lots more Giuliani, Gingrich, Palin, Conway, Hannity and the Chrump spawn. Oh, and Mike Fucking Pence.

Get ready for Breitbart/Chrump TV as the new Amerikan Pravda. The deplorables have come out of the woodwork and are now out of the basket in which Clinton had hoped to keep them. If you are white be very thankful and please fix up your attics for your less fortunate neighbors and friends.

The good news is we’ll all be dead much sooner as the planet bursts into flames once Hair Chrump puts the kibosh on the Paris climate agreement. I strongly urge you to tell the generations following you to avoid procreation at all costs. Spend your love on those already here, you do not want to leave any more progeny than necessary to deal with the rapidly approaching metaphorical meteor.

Stay Tuned for Updates to the Declaration of Independence 

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with a polluted gasbag that they just elected because their very small brains are gummed up to the point of being paralyzed by high fructose corn syrup…yadda, yadda, yadda. 

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all white men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator – who hast most evidently abandoned them to the whims of a vicious fornicating autocrat – with certain once-unalienable Rights, that among these were Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. These shall surely be jeopardized at first and jettisoned shortly thereafter in favor of whatever mindless, anti-democratic drivel that finds its way in and out of this asshole’s head. 

Much more to come.

I’m actually looking forward to being able to feel enough to start sobbing hysterically.

I. Mangrey reporting. Crawling on fumes.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

UPDATE 8:00 PM ET

Many people are saying this is a bad thing...

 

 

Livin' The Scream

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

November 9, 2016, 12:30 AM ET

Shay King reporting. Dazed and Abused.

The End Is Nearer

Fear and Voting in the USA

 

Down In the Bunker

November 8, 2016; 8:10 PM ET

So here we are. The day we have all been waiting for while simultaneously hoping it would never come. How Zen.  

I “woke up” this morning – as if I have actually been able to sleep. I apparently nodded off in the chair I’ve been unable to rise out of for the last month or so. As it was 7:00 AM on the East Coast, I changed my Depends and stumbled to the car. I somehow remembered how to operate my vehicle and with one eye half-open made my way to the local high school to vote. There was already a line in which I managed to stay upright long enough to sign in and push a button or two. I’m pretty sure I voted for Hillary Clinton and some other folks listed below her name. I saw a woman wearing a “Make America Fucked Again” hat; I think that’s what it said, but my open eye was starting to glaze over a bit. Anyway, I just bit my tongue and made it back to my car. 

Chrump’s closing thoughts last night on why to vote for him were, “The world hates us. The world hates us.”



 

Yes, precious, the world hates us.

I. Mangrey reporting. Don't Chrump me bro!
                                                                                                    Mad in USA



Splintering Toward the Finish Line

Acceptance/Denial Speech

Musing in action
November 7, 2016

Chrump voting is drunk voting.

When I uncovered Darn Old Chrump’s concession speech several weeks ago it looked like Hillary Clinton was easing nicely to the finish line. We learned that Chrump’s then campaign manager, who had previously worked for a number of other despots, conned his conman boss into dumping Chris Christie and going with Mike Pence as his VP. We also learned that Chrump’s other handlers treat him like a child as well, distracting him from his mania to steer him in the general direction of sanity and maturity. We heard Chrump himself coach himself to act mature – out loud and on stage in front of his adoring, if clueless fans. How could a Twitter-addicted (Speaking of Twitter, team Chrump has cut off their boss’s Twitter access in recent days.), tone-deaf dipshit like this possibly get elected to anything? President? Pshaw. Then the FBI decided to go coup coup for Cocoa Chrump and the whole thing started turning to shit. Nobody could have anticipated that the FBI would team up with Russia to ensure America elected someone with a very good brain…for a five year old, someone who is literally a blank slate, who they can get to do anything as long as they promise he can still stand in front of a camera every day. Now just days out, my sources at Wackileaks have gained access to his…gulp…acceptance speech. Nobody knows how this mess will play out now. My hair is falling out, I haven’t eaten or slept in almost a week and my eyes and ears are bleeding continuously, but unfortunately not enough to stop me from seeing and hearing this grotesquerie unfold.

Hopefully this will only last for four years…if I promise to behave.

I come before you extremely embarrassed and only moderately suicidal. I never believed it was possible. I really thought it would be okay. I tried to give you hope, not allowing myself to be deluded alone. I couldn’t be sorrier. Of course, I posited, Chrump had some support, but surely America is not filled with enough racist morons who distrust lying politicians so much that they would elect a pathologically lying carnival barker from the private sector just because he was a hate-filled mental defective like they are. I apologize for being so wrong and so naïve. What could possibly have made me think that America was unready, perhaps even unwilling, or as I so foolishly thought – incapable of doing one of the most wrongheaded and dangerous things ever done? America as you may recall wasn’t even stupid enough to elect George W. Bush in 2000. That was done by five very smart Supreme Court justices. Very smart. That I can tell you.

We take you now – because there is no way you would go willingly – to the Chrump Hotel in Moscow for the first official broadcast of Chrump TV bringing you live the acceptance speech of America’s 45^th president…not Hillary Clinton. In addition to the unmitigated horror/surprise of Chrump’s victory the other surprise is the existence of Chrump’s Moscow hotel. When did that happen?

I have the very best brain. But I left it in my other pants.

Here is what we uncovered…

It is with a very good brain, which is where I store the best words, that I Donald J. Chrump congratulate myself and all Americans…who agree with me…on a totally non-rigged victory over Crooked Hillary Clinton. She never had a chance against Chrump. She got totally schlonged. Just like all of you folks. I am ready, with the help of my children and a very few other advisors to take America into the America-Made-Great-Again-By-Chrump-Century, and that by the way is trademarked so do not ever use that without permission or I will sue the shit out of you. Now where was I? Okay calm down Donald, focus, stay on point Donald, remain calm and serious looking, use your very best big boy words…okay that’s enough of that Donald, now just let it loose and say what you really think; you don’t have to listen to all those “advisors” anymore Donald. Nice Donald, good Donald. Many of you think I just said all of that out loud. I did not. I never say that. And you know what really bugs me? John McCain had his “straight talk” and I have my “locker room talk”. Nobody gave McCain – who is a loser by the way – a hard time, but when Chrump has his own talk – straight, locker room – what’s the difference? Could it be the dishonest media? Anyway, as I was saying, I totally accept the result of this obviously not rigged election. When I said over and over and over that the election was rigged I didn’t really mean it. Well, I did kind of mean it, but not really. Now I want all of you to tweet your ideas for how to get rid of ISIS. I was only kidding about having an amazing plan to defeat ISIS. I assume all of you knew that and voted or me anyway. Maybe you voted for me because I have the world’s greatest temperament. Maybe it was my incredible hair. Admit it – it was the hair wasn’t it. It was either the hair or the racism. You know how hard it is to do my hair with the terrible new spray pumps? Terrible. Believe me. Nobody knows hairspray better than me. Or racism.

What this? This is my tweeting finger.

 

I knew all along that I would win this thing. Nobody knows more about winning than I do. Nobody. Thanks go to states like North Carolina, Ohio, Kansas, Arizona, Virginia, Georgia and Texas who valiantly and patriotically tried to keep thousands and thousands of The Blacks from voting. I want to give a special thanks to Anthony Weiner’s private server. How lucky for me that the FBI got its hands on Weiner’s hard drive. You know the FBI can do whatever they want…grab them by the private server. I especially want to thank all my excellent supporters in the FBI. It’s like I had an ace up my sleeve and didn’t even know it. Who would have thought that the FBI was full of right-wing, nationalists who like so many others such as my big supporters in the KKK, agreed with my amazing message and would want to leak lies and innuendos about Crooked Hillary Clinton to Fux News and Rudy Giuliani just before the election. I would have won anyway, but I’m glad the FBI is on my side especially given my upcoming fraud trial over my excellent university, all the women accusing me of sexual assault and my long history of organized crime connections and collusion with the Russians.

Some of you may be wondering why I’m giving my acceptance speech from my new hotel in Moscow. I didn’t think it was a good idea to announce my beautiful new luxurious Chrump/Putin Palace Moscow during the election. I wanted to keep you in suspense. I also didn’t think it was any of your damn business what I do with my money. Putin thinks it’s the nicest hotel he has ever seen. He is a strong leader with very good taste. He sure knows how to pick an American president. Putin wanted top billing, but I said no way. Now he knows who’s boss. And I will make sure America stops being mean to Mr. Putin. We were so mean to him and for no good reason.

A shadow of his former self

Finally, I am so happy that all of my lies were so effective. They always have been. They have been the cornerstone of my business and my life. Also my very classy late-night tweeting was very impressive. Very impressive. Nobody knows how to use Twitter better than me. I will be tweeting constantly now that I have more free time since the campaign is over. Only now I will be lying and tweeting for America. You’re welcome.

I look forward to getting rid of millions of Mexican rapists and lowering the minimum wage so no more Mexicans will ever bother coming into our great white country. And so many of the losers who didn’t vote for me will be running to Mexico for better paying jobs. Of course many of you poorly educated white folks – I love the poorly educated – will also be wanting those good-paying Mexican jobs, but hey it builds character. You’ll thank me later. Next I will get rid of Obamacare and replace it with free Band-Aids for everyone…who voted for me. Everyone will be fee to pay for all their own medical care. Isn’t that terrific? I told you I’d replace it with something terrific. These are just some of the ways I will make America pretty good again. Speaking of Barrack Hussein Obama, I will finally put this birther issue to rest by executive order. I think you will be very impressed by how I finish this thing. Many people are saying that I said I would make America great again. Wrong. I never said that. That is wrong. It was just a campaign slogan, not a promise. Even though no one knows America better than me and no one knows great better than Donald Chrump. I am also looking forward to suing many reporters who I was not permitted to beat up on the campaign trail, as well as all those women who exposed my sexual assault activities. And the communist Wall Street Journal who reported that I had an affair with a Playmate after I married Melania? Lock them up. They will be sorry. And the horrible AP is reporting that Melania worked here illegally before getting the appropriate work visa. So what if it’s true. So what? I will sue them anyway because I am the fucking president. I will make America suck again, as I said all throughout the campaign – it was even on the hats I suckered you into buying.

You know that flag I was fondling last week. I am going to fuck that thing big league now. When the president does it, it is not inappropriate. I can do whatever I want. Speaking of that, I will be spending much of my time here in Moscow while Mike Pence takes care of all those totally boring policy things. Thank god I don’t have to act presidential anymore. Now that I am president, whatever way I act is by definition presidential. I promise to be the greatest president ever. Am I white…I mean right? Remember I kept asking The Blacks, “What the hell have you got to lose?” Well, now you’re all going to find out. So go fuck yourselves while I decide who to bomb the shit out of first. Be careful or it could be you.

I. Mangrey reporting. We live in Strangelove times.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA
Special Election Eve Bonus Photo

Chrump grabs Christie by the p-word

 

 

VOTE OR DIE

 

 

This Is How It "Ends"

Chrump’s Acceptance (of His Reality) Speech

In the Paying Attention Chrump-proof bunker
November 5, 2016, 9:18 PM

“Get even with people. If they screw you, screw them back ten times as hard. I really believe that.”
                                         Donald J. Trump, October 2011

Thanks to our contacts at Wackileaks Paying attention has come into possession of Donald Chrump’s concession speech in the event that there is actually a God, who rather than capriciously torturing humankind for a change, decides to provide Hillary Clinton a decisive victory in the Battle for Human Survival 2016. This came into our possession in mid-October, but we didn’t want to go public with it for fear influencing the election; like FBI Director James Comey we didn’t want to be misinterpreted on such a sensitive topic.

On November 8, 2016 at approximately 9:15 PM Eastern Time, we expect that every news network in the world (with the exception of Russia, the Philippines and Fux News) will be jumping at the chance to be the first to call the election for Hillary Rodham Clinton. Perhaps most anxious for a Clinton victory is Wall Street. And not just because the Clintons have never met a huge corporation they didn’t like. The stock market bumps up whenever it seems more likely that Chrump will lose the election. But I digress. Plus, screw Wall Street. Anyway, we expect Donald Chrump to address the nation after being beaten like an orange silly-string-headed step monkey. A frazzled and jittery nation awaits what it hopes and expects to be the final throes of the Candidacy. From. Hell. With any luck all the nervous tics, hair loss, nail biting, weight gain, depression, substance abuse, weeping, yelling, random acts of hatred, frayed relationships, frazzled nerves, painfully trenchant and excruciatingly hilarious blog posts and pervasive world-wide despair will finally abate, allowing many Americans, and in fact many millions of people across the entire planet to heave a collective sigh of relief.

It is hoped that the global threat known as Donald J. Chrump has finally run out of steam. Like the mighty Norwegian Blue, the Chrump campaign has shuffled off its mortal coil, joined the choir invisible; it has ceased to be. Even its plumage is losing its luster (not that it was ever something one would call beautiful). I know a dead campaign when I see one and I’ve been looking at one for several weeks now. Chrump’s campaign has gone to meet its maker, it has passed on; it rests in peace. Bereft of life, this campaign is no more. Don has left the building. He is more than tired and shagged out after a long squawk, beyond pining for the casinos, The Apprentice or the good-old-pussy-grabbing days. Chrump is a late candidate. If the Human Cheese Puff wasn’t getting so much damned attention he’d be pushing up daisies.

This is an ex-candidate.

We imagine he is popping tic tacs – just in case – and making his way onto the stage, the familiar swagger/stagger in his step, the signature pout, every “hair” sprayed within an inch of its life, perfectly into place. We will now step aside as much of America nervously prepares for the long, long, long awaited concession speech from the most reviled presidential candidate in American history, desperately hoping that Don Chrump finally kicks the political bucket. Enjoy…

Many people are saying that Crooked Hillary won. What do they know?

I don’t have to keep you in suspense any longer, okay? As I said, “I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election…if I win.” I deserve a lot of credit for this. A. Lot. Of. Credit. I have given this a lot of thought and I Donald Chrump have decided that I won. I want to thank all the little people who voted for me Donald Chrump in this very, very rigged election. “For the most part, you can’t respect people because most people aren’t worthy of respect.”(actual 2014 quote) As you know, I ran the best campaign. Many people are saying that even though many people are saying that hardly anyone actually voted for me – I told you this thing was rigged from the beginning – I still won because I had the biggest crowds coming to see me. The biggest crowds. Those were mine. I had the most likes on Facebook too. And the best tweets. I ran the best campaign, not Crooked Hillary Clinton. I think I showed amazing restraint by not grabbing her by the pussy. Hey, it’s what boys like me do when the urge strikes. I could have done it if I wanted to. But I didn’t. Not even once. Very presidential.

If the man who says he’s president does it, then it is not illegal.

I warned everyone – and I deserve a lot of credit for this – that millions of dead people were going to vote. I have it on good authority that none of those losers voted for me. Millions of rigged dead people voting for Crooked Hillary Clinton. As you know, as everyone knows, there were many certain kinds of people in certain areas in states like Pennsylvania who voted many, many times. Some of them voted ten times. They are a bunch of uppity riggers. And you know what I’m talking about. Everyone knows this. Sad. And Hillary Clinton is a rigger lover. I had many very good people in certain places watching voters very carefully and the things they are telling me are very interesting. Very interesting. Very. Don’t expect the crooked media, which is run by certain other kinds of people – you know what I mean, people like my son-in-law Jared – to tell you the truth. They are run by the international banking conspiracy and everybody knows who they are. Most of these banks won’t even lend me money. That’s why I’m so heavily involved with Russian and Chinese banks. They are happy to lend me money. Owing them money makes me smart. And that is why I have been spreading Russian propaganda that makes Crooked Hillary look bad. Putin knows how to run and win elections. I like strong leaders.

I am not a kook.

Vladimir Putin will still be treating me like president; that I can tell you. And I promise you, I promise you and I guarantee you that Hillary Clinton will soon be in jail. Crooked Hillary Clinton. Believe me. She is such a nasty woman. Some people say she got a lot of votes. I don’t see any proof of that other than the crooked news media says so. Do you trust them? Me neither. No way. You can tell them to go fuck themselves. They’re on drugs, they’re rapists; some of them I assume are good people…maybe. Maybe not. I haven’t heard the Supreme Court say anybody won. I’m pretty sure they are the ones who decide elections. I am willing to wait for Hillary’s concession speech. She probably doesn’t have the stamina to be up this late. I’m wide awake and ready to lead. I don’t really care if she’s not able to concede. Winning is enough for me, especially with all this voter fraud that I’ve been hallucinating.

White on sisters!

I want all of you certain kind of people who have supported me all these months despite all the hateful, hurtful, misogynistic, racist, fascist things I’ve said, despite all the disgusting things I’ve done to women, despite all my talk about dating my daughter – who is just incredibly hot, am I right – all the psychotic ramblings about insane conspiracy theories, and the non-stop, excellent lying, not to mention my ridiculous skin coloring and absurd comb-around-and-around-and-around. I won among the people our founding fathers said could vote – white men and only white men. White. Men. That means I won. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, I want all of you supporting me, even now that I have won the election, to go out there and surround the White House and get Crooked Hillary Clinton out of there so I can take my rightful place where I belong so I can make America great again. Because that is what I do. I make America great again. I’ve done it many times. That I can tell you. Believe me. We cannot allow Crooked Hillary Clinton to live in my White House. Don’t you agree? Then we can start all the winning. I guarantee that you will be sick of all the winning I start doing very quickly. Very. Quickly. You will all be so sick of what I am about to do, you won’t know what hit you.

You gets what you pays for.

You people need to go in there and grab her by the…whatever and pull her out of there so I can put her in jail where she belongs. Lock her up! Lock her up! I promise I will cover your legal fees if anything happens to you. Believe me. I never lie. I have never lied. I have never done one bad thing in my whole life. Did I mention I’m very rich? And smart enough not to pay my stupid taxes or show you my tax returns, which are none of your business. I will be the best president this country has ever had and I want to thank you people for making this possible. Believe me, America will be so great again very soon once I get in that White House. If I was younger I would just jump over the fence and kick her out myself – I’d like to punch her in the face – but I have this very uncomfortable boo-boo on my foot. It kept me from going to Vietnam – which I wanted to do very much – five times. Very much. But thanks to what a great guy I am I still have a Purple Heart. And I deserve it – I did a lot of dangerous dating in the 1960s and 1970s. After that I just started kissing and grabbing women whenever and wherever I wanted so that doesn’t really count as dating. And I never date my daughter, not once; I only said I wanted to. The PC police say that is a bad thing.

I told you this thing was rigged. All those dishonest voters who say they voted for Crooked Hillary Clinton. There’s no way I got only 35% of the vote. I know for a fact that I got over 60%. I have proof. I have a team of excellent people searching for the proof and they are finding incredible things. That I can tell you. And those crooked polls and news reporters go right along with the crooked vote count and report it as fact. We know better! Am I right? Am I right?

This was bound to happen

Okay, so I’ve just been told that Crooked Hillary won’t actually be in my White House until January 24^th or something. So I want all of you to quit your jobs and prepare to meet me at the White House on January 24^th or whenever it is and we will stop Crooked Hillary from getting in there before it’s too late. I will make sure to pay everyone for missing any work if any of you can prove you actually have jobs. And everyone can stay in my excellent new hotel right here in Washington. It’s a beautiful hotel. It doesn’t say CHRUMP on it, but it’s mine. All of it. Everything is made right here…well, in China but it’s here now and that’s all that counts. I got a great deal. I know how to deal with the Chinese. Better than anyone. Anyway, just get to DC in January. Don’t worry I’ll figure it out. I always figure things out.

Who knows? Maybe now is the time when the Second Amendment people will come up with a plan. Just like Jefferson said, once in a while the people have to ignore the election and take over the government. He said it on the internet. I saw it on Breitbart and I’m pretty sure Sean Hannity said it too. And Jefferson would tell you today if he were alive – he’s not alive anymore, just so you know – that we have to respect the Second Amendment and our precious open carry laws. I have a plan. Does it involve the Second Amendment? I will tell you when the time is right. You’re gonna love it. I’m not telling anyone to shoot people, but sometimes these things happen. The Clintons have murdered hundreds of people. And when I get in there we are going to build an incredible wall and we will get Crooked Hillary Clinton to pay for it and no one will ever be able to get me out of there until I’m damn well good and ready to come out.

This I promise you. When I am inoculated on Inoculation Day, January 31^st, the winning will start and America will immediately be great again. My work here will be done. I have already begun removing my name from many buildings all over the world because that’s what presidents do and definitely not because my name is now poison in the marketplace because people now know just what a total douchebag I am. I am also looking forward to fixing the First Amendment so that I can sue the rigged media when they say mean things about me. I don’t care if what they say is true, and I am willing to use the Second Amendment to fix that idiotic first one if I have to. You Second Amendment people know what I’m talking about. Am I right? Once I fix the First Amendment the way I like it, I will release my tax returns and all of Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails – I have all of them and you won’t believe what’s in them. I know how to find them. I also have Obama’s real birth certificate, which my excellent people found. I’m not telling you where they found it, but believe me, you will be amazed…and winning with a capital “D”.

Nobody thinks more highly of Donald Chrump than me. Nobody has more respect for Donald Chrump than me. So let’s take our country back for me Donald Chrump. I say we grab America by the pussy and make America great again.

I have spoken.

Thank you and lock her up and remember to vote on November 28^th.

I. Mangrey reporting. I'm not doing this for my health.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Ugh

The Other Climate Change

November 3, 2016

There had been much* talk about climate change – despite unrelenting denial of its existence by many Americans – until the dawn of the 2016 presidential race plunged us into the Chrump Age of the Cenozoic Era. None alive at this time can remember exactly when the Chrump Age officially began, but now – like it or not – absolutely everyone knows they are in it up to their eyeballs and its end is nowhere in sight. We now find ourselves witnessing or denying, depending on whether one’s head is or is not resting comfortably within the confines of one’s anal cavity, a toxic change in another climate. The emotional equivalent of stepping in dog shit in your bare feet, living during the Chrump Age has generated a Tsunami of Tstupid^® the likes of which has never been seen either in recorded history or the fossil record.

Chrump humps flag: “Where the hell is the pussy on this thing?”

The change in the social/political climate in America (and much of the “civilized” world for that matter) epitomized by Don Chrump is a watershed moment in human social evolution. Prior to the Chrump Age history reveals a steady, albeit painstakingly slow, decrease in ignorance and hatred – at least in the absence of government propaganda, which consistently fosters fear, hatred and war. Over the millennia your average Joe Caveman gradually began to realize that we all have more in common with one another than not. Some even came to understand that we are part of a vast network known as Planet Earth. But this kind of behavior, this inclusivism is day by Chrumpy day giving way to something very different. Take me for example, I used to be a calm, pleasant, friendly person. Now I’m constantly frothing at the mouth, frothing at the whatever. I feel like I’m this close to spontaneously combusting.

Chrump-Magnon Man

Thanks to Chrump the worst of human behavior need no longer hide itself in shame. Racism, nationalism, white supremacy, homophobia, anti-Semitism, misogyny you name it, need no longer lurk in the shadows. A presidential candidate, who thinks he is the star of a (s)hit reality show is aiding and abetting the popularization of the return to caveman thinking. Hate levels are already amping up, and just like the CO₂ level is reaching a tipping point in the other climate problem, a point of no return is possible. Chrump – the idiot bastard candidate – who has to remind himself out loud, at his own rallies to “stay on point Donald, stay on point…No sidetracks Donald, nice and easy”, is just trying to make it simple for his followers: If they disagree with us, they are simply wrong and should be beaten down. And his minions love it. They are simple folk after all. It remains to be seen whether it is better to keep these folks hidden or exposed. It’s not like they came out of nowhere; they are part of the very fabric of this nation. It’s just that they were seeming more like a loose thread that could be trimmed neatly off. Instead they are seeming more and more like the annoying little thread you pull on and accidentally unravel the entire garment. Next thing you know we are all just walking around grunting and scratching our heads…and our whatevers. You know, like Chrump.

Chrump finally nails down the endorsement of a newspaper

No matter what the result is on Election Day we are likely to suffer the consequences of the Orange Onslaught for a long time to come. The Tsunami of Tstupid^® is already overflowing the levees of logic as more people get the impression that these hateful behaviors are perfectly acceptable, and say to themselves, “Hey, what the heck, everyone else is doing it, I guess it’s okay.” Yes I know this is the same argument many of these same people put forth regarding sexual preferences they disagree with; they cower and fret that if people are exposed to the various sexual orientations everyone will start believing these not-strictly-one-man-one-woman “deviants” are acceptable members of society. Many people are saying that this is a false equivalency since one side embodies people who just want to be allowed to live their lives as they understand them, while the other embodies people who will not accept anyone who is different and would gladly shoot you in the face or the back if it didn’t carry the risk of going to jail. I’m sure nobody within the sight of my voice is unsure of the difference and it is entirely possible that I only brought in the sex analogy so I could say, in full context and in no way gratuitously, we are supremely fucked. Whatever happened to foreplay?

*When I say “much” I mean incredibly little, but more than none, and if not for the likes of Bernie Sanders it would never have come up at all.

I. Mangrey, frothing at the fingertips.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA