Nobody Likes a Sore Winner, Especially This One

Focused Like a Loser Laser

October 23, 2017

Der Furor is focused on exactly one thing. His entire campaign, and now his “presidency” spring from a singular desire. This underlying theme might not be obvious to the casual observer, but there is little else swirling around in that orange-colored head of his. Even the all-consuming desire to monetize his new position is secondary to his prime directive. Believe me.

It does not matter if it is domestic issues or foreign affairs. Whether the economy, immigration, health care, the environment, women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, Russia (there might actually be much more to this particular issue), Chrump is determined to achieve one thing above all else. This I can tell you.

The F&$king-moron-in-chief insists that the “Iranian regime has committed multiple violations of the agreement.” Not everyone agrees with Chrump’s made-up assessment. Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joseph Dunford said, “Iran is not in material breach of the agreement and I do believe the agreement to date has delayed the development of a nuclear capability by Iran.” Rex Tillerson added, “My view on the nuclear deal is they are in technical compliance of the nuclear arrangement.” Defense Secretary James Mattis testified that it was in our national security interest to keep the deal in place. Most of the rest of the world agrees with everyone-but-Chrump. I suppose, as he said on the campaign trail, Chrump still thinks he knows more than all the generals.

The Iran deal was not something the previous administration imposed unilaterally. The United States, the United Kingdom, Russia, France, China, Germany and the rest of the European Union all signed on. If Chrump gets his way with scuttling this deal – unilaterally – it will tarnish America’s ability to act globally for the foreseeable future.

Don’t get me wrong, Iran is not to be trusted, and this deal says nothing about trusting them. At least Iran was not hacking our elections, unlike a certain other country whose ass Hair Chrump continues to kiss.

Despite Tillerson announcing that he was negotiating with North Korea, Trump could not resist tweeting, “I told Rex Tillerson…that he is wasting his time negotiating with Little Rocket Man…Save your energy Rex we’ll do what has to be done!” Only Donald Trump would think that thinly veiled threats of conflagration and name-calling of a dangerous nuclear-armed adversary was a good idea.

Chrump has also been obsessed with destroying the Affordable Care Act (or Obamacare, as Republican’ts called it). The Republican leadership was similarly obsessed, attempting to repeal the ACA dozens of times since 2010. Their dream of doing so finally seemed to have disintegrated as a legislative accomplishment. Chrump finally decided to sign an executive order designed to sabotage the ACA. If anyone thinks Obamacare is a “total and complete disaster” as Chrump insists, just wait until Chrumpcare kicks in (the teeth of healthcare in America). The ACA was certainly not perfect – mostly due to constant sabotage by Republicants – but it was, for all intents and purposes, a Republican-style plan dating back to Bob Dole, Ronald Reagan and the conservative Heritage Foundation, and eventually implemented in Massachusetts by a governor named Mitt Romney. Republicants were fine with this type of approach until Obama agreed to go along with it, hoping it would be better than nothing. Once Obama gave in, they moved the goalposts…to the gates of Hell.

Chrump has only one agenda: undo everything that Barack Obama did. Perhaps Chrump still fervently believes in his racist attack on the legitimacy of Obama’s presidency. After all, Trump built his political machine on his lie-filled birtherism campaign – insisting, beyond all reason that Barack Obama was not born in the United States.

Chrump is a racist, a trait he inherited from his father, who attended at least one KKK rally. He called Mexicans “criminals and rapists”, and after the Charlottesville kerfuffle and murder of an anti-racist protester, insisted that some of those marching with Nazis and white nationalists were “very fine people.” After all, they were just trying to protect a statue of a treasonous racist. Does that make them bad people?

I do not believe that Chrump’s long history of racist behavior is what drives his presidency. It is solely his hatred for Barack Obama, and not just because of his race. Chrump is hell-bent on undoing everything and anything accomplished during Obama’s presidency out of spite. If Chrump could bring Osama bin Laden back from the dead, I would bet good money that he would do it.

I. Mangrey reporting.

A Portrait For The Ages

Paying Attention EXCLUSIVE

A Picture Worth a Hundred Words (or Maybe Just 140 Characters)

October 16, 2017

In our never-ending struggle to bring all the news we can get our very normal sized hands on and/or can stomach long enough to write about, we bring you an exclusive look at Chrump’s official “presidential” portrait. The final resting place for this portrait has yet to be determined. The staff here agrees that the likely location for this incredibly terrific masterpiece to live out its days will be the Federal Correctional Complex at Butner, N.C. Butner is no dump like the White House, but the amount of gold is thought to be much less than Chrump Tower. Perhaps Chrump will be able to room with Bernie Madoff. Without further delay, we give you the first public look at Donald Chrump as he will be known when he hits the history books.

Chrump will be glad that he never reads history.

I. Mangrey reporting. Locker room him up.

 

Scars and Stripes

The Cheat Goes On

October 15, 2017

According to the Washington Post’s Fact Checker, Chrump has made 1,318 false claims since his soul-crushing inauguration. The incessant bullshit emanating from Chrump’s face sphincter covers his first 263 days in offense office and includes “every false or misleading claim by [Ch]rump, as well as his flip-flops.” That is an average of five times a day. And the Orange Gas Cloud only works three days a week. Pardon my math, but that is approximately 108 workdays. The rest of the time, he is either golfing, constructing his “hair” or desperately trying to lick his own balls. This brings us up to 12 lies per day. If we take into account the fact that he spends five or six hours a day watching Fux News, the calculus becomes even more stunning. This is quite a blistering pace of making shit up. Chrump is fortunate to have Sarah Huckabee Slanders explaining her boss’s lies by lying, misleading and flipping more than her share of flops.

Scars and Stripes

The result of Chrump’s “respect” for the flag

 

Despite his tiny little hands, when Chrump sticks one of his baby thumbs in the eye of North Korea and/or Iran it still means something. It means that the nuclear clock is a few more clicks closer to midnight and the human race becomes that much more anxious, less safe and closer nuclear winter. The good news is that a nice crisp nuclear winter will put an end to the ridiculous global warming debate. I am not entirely clear on the science, but I believe the nuclear fallout absorbs all the carbon dioxide thereby reversing hundreds of years of environmental degradation in a flash…literally. The downside is the likelihood of the eradication of human and most plant and animal life on Earth.

Chrump is a bit disappointed that it has come to this. He has worked hard to bring Mother Earth to her knees. Chrump’s “presidency” of mass destruction brought us Scott “The Earth Is Not Our Friend” Pruitt as head of the Environmental Protection Agency* and Rick “Do These Glasses Make Me Look Smart and Does What I Say Make Me Sound Stupid” Perry as Energy Secretary. Perry recently showed off his worldly grasp of a broad range of issues when he referred to Puerto Rico – home to millions of American citizens – as a “country”. Oops. I guess that makes Perry an ass-teroid.

Perry attempts to withdraw his empty head into his suit

 

I suppose Perry could be excused, if only for a moment, since his boss claims to have met with the president of the U.S. Virgin Islands, which I imagine someone eventually told him – probably in pictures – that the president of the United States is president of the U.S. Virgin Islands. It remains uncertain if Chrump knows who or what the president of the United States is.

Speaking of grotesque, lying assholes, Steve Bannon – who would likely survive a nuclear holocaust with the other cockroaches, within the span of a few days said that his ex-boss/puppet has just a 30% chance of completing his four-year term, and then said Chrump would be re-elected in 2020 with a landslide 400 electoral votes. According to our alternative sources, Bannon also said that Chrump would lose the popular vote again, this time by over ten million votes.

If looks could…make you stupid

 

In other news of the terminally stupid, Republican’ts who ignored their party’s presidential candidate admitting to and describing his style of sexual assault, are absolutely aghast at Harvey Weinstein’s recently exposed history of sexual predation. One-time insane advisor to Don Chrump and full-time Nazi Sebastian Gorka tweeted:

Pence’s rules: Adult male and vice president of a real country, will not be in a room with a female human unless he is accompanied by his wife. No one knows what his policy is for spending quality time with female animals, or whether, like Harvey Weinstein, he has a habit of masturbating into potted plants. Some men choose, completely of their own volition, to not sexually (or otherwise) abuse women.

A Republican’t spokesman told no one in particular, “It is simply disgraceful that someone who is not only not a Republican’t, but not a presidential candidate would behave so poorly. Republican’ts would never accept money from a sexual predator like Harvey Weinstein. We would much rather have someone like that in government, not Hollywood. Plus, we get more than enough support from Russia, racists and neo-Nazis. Also, as everyone knows, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a penis is a good guy with a penis. And Donald Chrump is as good as it gets if you’re a Republican’t.”

I. Mangrey reporting. Keeping it in my pants for 62 years.

______________________
*Pruitt is proposing legislation to change the name to Environmental Destruction Agency

Chrump’s “Presidency” of Mass Destruction

Circus Jerk

Friday
October 13, 2017

The timing could not have been better. The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, self-described Greatest Show on Earth, closed its tent flaps after almost 100 years of entertaining the American public and torturing elephants. This circus became obsolete once Chrumpy the Clown won the hearts and minds of the Electoral College and moved into the White House. There is a new circus in town. Though the Clown-in-chief is also fond of torturing elephants, these metaphorical elephants (this does not include the actual elephants his namesake enjoys murdering in cold blood for “sport”) deserve everything they get.  

Who needs elephants in tutus? 

Republican’t chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Bob Corker – an enthusiastic Chrump supporter during the campaign, and short-lister for Secretary of State (Chrump decided Corker was too short for the job – clearly a critical requirement for the post) and Vice President – has now gone on record as calling Chrump immature, mentally unstable and dangerous to national security. Corker said that due to Chrump’s erratic behavior, “we could be heading towards World War III.” Corker was able to summon up the incredible courage to confront the man he helped put in the White House only after he decided not to seek another term as senator. Very gutsy.

That’s what you call a real corker, Bob.

 

If only there had been clues prior to the election, other than Chrump’s every single word, tweet and action, to Chrump’s personality and demeanor, maybe we could have avoided this scenario. But alas, Chrump seemed so calm and thoughtful during his run for the presidency. Except for that one time when he called Mexicans criminals and rapists…and every moment thereafter.

When I grow up I want to be as petty as the president.

 

Just Goes to Show That in America, Anyone Can Grow Up (Or Not) To Be President*

Chrump, a narcissistic racist with fascist tendencies, has given us a “Presidency” of Mass Destruction. Anyone who still works for this babbling bufoon, needs to take a long look in the mirror. Some of them, I assume, are good people. Or were. Serving such a master negates any humanity that might once have been. Chrump might be a sociopathic clown, but he does have opposable thumbs – small though they may be – and he has access to the nuclear football. We should well remember that Chrump asked a foreign policy advisor three times in one hour why he could not use nuclear weapons once he became president – or whatever we now must call it. Orange Julius Caesar is quoted as asking, “If we have them, why can't we use them? Why can't we use nuclear weapons?" We can only hope that someone was able to show Chrump some pretty pictures that explained why using nuclear weapons can be a bad thing. Then we must hope that they show him these pictures on a daily basis, since he has the attention span of a carrot.

I. Mangrey reporting. I never called the president a f&%king moron. Believe me.
                                                                               

___________________________
* That was not a compliment

Poll Dancing

I’m Sorry, What Was The Question Again?

Poll Land
October 12, 2017

A recent poll found that 51 percent of Americans are embarrassed to have Donald Chrump as “president.” WTFF. For those who maintain an allegiance to math, that means that 49 percent are not embarrassed. The numbers do not lie – that is Chrump’s job. That is an awfully small margin of sanity. Awfully. Very awfully. Words escape me. But, I will not rest until I hunt them down. Because I care.

Even if people agree with Chrump, does he seem mentally competent? Really? Emotionally intact? More than just a series of tantrums? Does he seem to play well with others? Has he for one single moment behaved as an adult (let alone a leader) except when he is pretending? Were you a licensed physician when you were five years old playing doctor? If not embarrassed by Chrump, then what are they? Trapped in a room with nothing but Fox News and Alex Jones? Russian operatives? Members of ISIS? Enjoying Rent-A-Coma?

This is admittedly something other than embarrassing

 

Always the optimist, I sought an explanation that could keep me on the right side of nervous breakdown. One can only be excused if one has rejected embarrassment, in deference to being scared shitless. Personally, I do not have time to be embarrassed. I am much too disgusted and terrified to be embarrassed. Maybe this is why the numbers look so bad. Maybe they asked the question poorly.

What really embarrasses me are the results of this poll.

Tune in next time when we hear Chrump say, “My only reason for wanting to be president is to get revenge on Barack Hussein Obama, who made fun of me in public. Everything under Obama was fake and I won the election bigly and it would have been even bigger if there wasn’t millions of illegal voters, and I will repeal and replace every single thing Obama did while being a fake president. All the fake jobs he created, climate change response, Obamacare, social justice, coddling a free press, voting rights, gay rights, women’s rights, avoiding nuclear war with Iran and North Korea, a booming stock market. I will get rid of all of it because I’m in charge now, and I was born here more than anyone has ever been born here. I am the most born in America president of all time. Nobody makes fun of The Donald and gets away with it. Especially people like Obama. There’s just something I never liked about him. Don’t know what it is, but he just rubbed me the wrong way. He’s too urban or something. Very soon, very soon, that I can tell you, I will be signing an executive order decreeing that Barack Obama – or Kenya Man as I call him – was totally born in Kenya. His stupid birth certificate, which I made him show everyone, will be what they call ‘null and void’ and Little Kenya Man will be, officially, by law, not born in America, which I have been saying very strongly for a long time. Very strongly.”

I. Mangrey reporting. Do not bother negotiating with me. I will do what has to be done.

                                                                                                        

Second Amendment Über Alles

Land of The Free, Home of The Mass Shooting

October 10, 2017

As we finish honoring one murderous white guy with unregulated access to weapons, and no moral center whatsoever, America finds itself once again in shock over another armed and deranged white man. Our current state of shock has to do with the worst mass-shooting-of-the-day since the Wounded Knee Massacre. Wounded Knee of course was just one of countless such events in the still ongoing destruction of the original inhabitants of this continent. Why is there no Wounded Knee Massacre Day? Our good friend at Paying Attention, Steve Gallop aimed his (figurative) pen at his local newspaper. Please enjoy his latest Op Ed piece in the Delaware County Daily Times.

Ed Venture
Editor, Paying Attention

 

To The Editor:

America in the 21^st century: 12,000 gun homicides per year, twice that many gun suicides per year. Toddlers shoot people on a regular basis. Toddlers. Look it up.

We are now looking back from a small distance, at America’s latest mass shooting. We average approximately one mass shooting a day right now. Some get more press than others, but it is constant. We need to make it keep looking gruesome even as it fades into the fog of the next worst mass shooting in American history. How much is enough? How can we continue to protect our guns more than the lives of our fellow countrymen? There has to be a middle ground.

We keep hearing that this is not the time to talk about stricter gun laws. Nobody said it was too soon to pass the Patriot Act right after 9/11. It got passed in the heat of the moment. How many more heat of the moments do we have to have with mass shootings. Many more people are killed with guns every year in this country than those we lost on 9/11.

The current interpretation of the Second Amendment is not the only one available. Maybe it is time to reread the words as they were written: “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” For some reason many among us, though likely not a majority, insist on reading this statement in reverse.

I suppose this latest shooter could be considered a one-man militia, but he was certainly not well-regulated. And how exactly did he contribute to the security of a free state?

Senator John Thune (R-SD) said, "I think people are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions. To protect themselves. And in situations like that, you know, try to stay safe. As somebody said -- get small." This sounds frighteningly similar to Donald Trump’s “both sides” argument after the murder in Charlottesville, Virginia. So I guess, according to Mr. Thune we are supposed to take responsibility for not getting shot. I assume he wants each of us to be heavily armed when we leave our homes, or else to cower in fear whenever we are not safely behind some bulletproof shield.

Is this really the America we want to live in?

Steve Gallop
Concord Township

 

Illegal Aliens Day

White Men in History

The Indies North America
October 9, 2017

In keeping with his screw-everyone-who-is-not-me approach to every moment of his waking life, Donald Chrump got to put his personal stamp of abhorrence on Columbus Day. Our #FAKE PRESIDENT issued a proclamation to honor the genocidal explorer who thought he had reached India when he came across the unfortunate Taino people, the original inhabitants of many of the islands in the Caribbean. Talk about your bad hombre illegal immigrants. Columbus and his not-so-merry men really were aliens to the Taino. They were the wrong color, they were disease-ridden criminals and rapists. Some of them, one assumes, were…oh who am I kidding they were murderous racists who cut off people’s hands and made them wear the severed parts around their necks. After soiling the ocean blue, Columbus never actually made landfall in India…I mean North America, but he infected the continent just the same.

And a lovely time was had by all…those who were white.

 

Speaking of Racist White Men Who Do Not Belong Here…

You may recall that Hair Chrump managed to ignore the Jewish people on Holocaust Remembrance Day, making no mention whatsoever of Jews on this important day. Not even a ‘some-of-them-are-very-fine-people’ or ‘some-of-my-best-son-in-laws-are-Jewish’. Nothing. Nada. This of course was months before Chrump spokesliar Sean Spicer informed us that, “You had someone as despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons.” And well before Chrump himself insisted that some Nazi sympathizers were “very fine people.” Maybe someone should tell him that he has Jewish grandchildren. Just don’t tell the unfortunate little ones who their grandfather is.

Today, despite all of the greatly inflamed sensitivities around race and immigration, Chrump’s proclamation made no mention of native peoples, merely lauding the lost merchant of death and disease for his “ambitious and daring voyage across the Atlantic Ocean to the Americas.”  Oddly, there were no Americas back then, and if Chrump stays around much longer, there might not be any in the near future. The Columbus Day statement written for Der Furor continued, “The permanent arrival of Europeans to the Americas was a transformative event that undeniably and fundamentally changed the course of human history and set the stage for the development of our great Nation. Therefore, on Columbus Day, we honor the skilled navigator and man of faith…”

The rest of the statement was even bullshittier and not worth your, or anyone else’s, time. Naturally, being more than 140 characters in length, Chrump had nothing to do with the creation of the proclamation designed to be placed above his name, but anyone would likely have caught the glaring omission. Anyone, that is, who was not a full-blown racist, or had even the slightest hint of human decency. But alas, Columbus was white and those whose lives he destroyed were not. I’m sure Chrump was very busy cementing his scalp fibers into place and whispering sweet nothings into his own ear. There was however, a terrific Columbus Day sale on all Chrump merchandise on his website. How’s that for patriotic?

I. Mangrey reporting.

Crappy Anniversary America

For He’s a Jolly Good Felon

October 8, 2017

It was one year ago today – as hurricane Matthew was poised to beat the crap out of Florida – that Donald Chrump’s presidential campaign mercifully went up flames after an 11 year old Access Hollywood recording of Chrump describing one of his favorite sexual assault tactics surfaced. Chrump’s assault comprised popping some Tic-Tacs and kissing unsuspecting, non-consenting women in the hopes of grabbing them “by the p***y.” Chrump insisted this was merely “locker room talk”, but locker rooms everywhere immediately disavowed any association with the Orange Gas Cloud and his disgraceful, predatory comments.

I am sorry, I might have part of that story wrong. I am being told that everything about the sexual assault part is correct, but that the creature responsible for it did not see his campaign dissolve into a toxic mist. He is apparently president of the Electoral College, or some such thing and is still kissing women against their will, including reporter Katy Tur. The ACLU has filed a Freedom of Information Act request for Secret Service records to determine if Old P***y Grabber has been keeping his tiny little hands busy as well.

To celebrate the anniversary, the women’s advocacy group Ultra-Violet held a “Grab Back” rally on the National Mall. The rally included playing the 2005 Access Hollywood recording where Der Furor sickened most (but not enough) of the American public with his crude boasting of sexual predation. Ultra-Violet ran the video on a loop from 9 a.m. ET to 9 p.m. on a large screen near the White House. Reports vary as to how long Chrump stood by watching himself, laughing and applauding.

Grabbing Chrump by his filthy mouth. Bad dog, bad dog!

 

Like some perverse, cosmic (hopefully, soon-to-be-cancelled) shit-com, one zany escapade after another hit the airwaves. The Access Hollywood revelation, as it turned out, eclipsed the serious breaking news, from just an hour earlier, that the Russian government was interfering with our presidential election. Then, a half-hour after the Access Hollywood tape surfaced, Wikileaks released the hacked Clinton camp emails that Chrump had asked the Russians to release. Chrump of course learned of the existence of these emails after Don, Jr., Mr. Ivanka, and Paul Manafort met with Russian agents who promised “dirt on Hillary”. This dirt, which was described as, “part of Russia and its government’s support” for the Chrump campaign, was an excellent addition to the help Jared was giving Russia to maximize their targeting of specific groups on Facebook, Twitter, etc. in order to swing the election in Chrump’s favor. For you fans of the whodunit game Clue, it was Kushner, in the Chatroom, with a Russian hacker.

I. Mangrey reporting. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm. Could be the calm, the calm before the storm. 

TMI

Here is our reporting from one year ago today…

Does He Kiss His Daughter With That Mouth?

Excess Hollywood
October 8, 2016

A Real Handful

I just can’t figure this thing out. To flee or not to flee that is the question. Many people are saying that I have been a bit obsessed with this Chrump thing. I don’t know why people would say something like this, but I read all the internets and I think I saw it somewhere, or someone told me, so I assume it must be true. It is painful to watch and painful to write about and I apologize for dragging you into this with me. That being said, as I had almost finished the report below, the One-Man Insane Clown Posse has outdone himself. As Category 5 storm Matthew prepared to batter the southeast coast of the United States, a Category Chrump Shit Storm blanketed the news. Though less devastating to life and property, this latest disclosure might put a permanent dent in the Candidate From Hell. Let me give you this excerpt straight from the horse’s ass’s mouth:

“I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I am automatically attracted to beautiful women – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star you can do anything, they let you do it…grab them by the p****. I can do any of that.”

Yes ladies and gentlemen there you have it, vintage Don Chrump circa 2005, talking about how he sexually assaults women, just a few months after marrying his third soon-to-be-ex-wife Melania. I assume she has already signed a non-disclosure agreement.

Daughter Ivanka, who daddy Don has verbally groped on television and who he groped on stage at the RNC said this past May, “He's not a groper. He has total respect for women.” I hope she has a really good therapist.

Daddy dearest

It’s Official Now

Those Russian hackers mentioned below were officially accused by the Obama administration of carrying out an extensive hacking operation in an effort to interfere with the 2016 elections. Many people are saying that Obama is just angry because Putin likes Chrump more than him. According to Chrump, “Obama will never get away with this. He is grandstanding and trying to scare the American people with Russian hackers. I was the one who said the election would be rigged if I don’t win, so he’s just trying to say it will be rigged if I do win. What a loser. Why does Obama pick on the Russians? They never bothered anyone. Is he just jealous that they have a stronger leader? Many people are saying that. Many people. We’ll see. Mark my words, it was not the Russians. It could be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay? Believe me.”

I. Mangrey reporting. It’s not my fault.

Don’t Cry For Chrump, Puerto Rico

Bullets and Bullshit

October 4, 2017

The Second Amendment Strikes Again

Here we go again. Mass shooting. Crazy white guy with way too many guns, having his own private war without notifying his opponents. If only he had shot himself first. Not the right time to talk about gun control. How about climate change? Is now the right time to talk about that? Can we talk about racist gerrymandering?

Chrump read a prepared statement (not one word of which he either believed or understood), using prepared facial expressions and his practiced presidential demeanor in artificial response to the most recent worst mass shooting in American history. Tone-deaf as ever, he called the police response “in many ways a miracle”. I suppose we should be grateful he did not blame both sides. Chrump said of the shooter, a retired accountant turned real estate investor and millionaire with no history of mental illness, criminality or radicalism, “He was a sick man. A demented man, a lot of problems I guess. We are looking into him very seriously. We are dealing with a very, very sick individual.” Many people are saying that Chrump was referring to the shooter. We may never know for sure.

I am not sure who was more disgraceful and/or ignorant, Chrump or Republican’t senator John Thune (R-SD) who said, "I think people are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions. To protect themselves. And in situations like that, you know, try to stay safe. As somebody said -- get small." That’s right folks, whenever you are be fired upon by a psycho with an automatic weapon from 32 floors up, make sure you act responsibly. Only you can prevent psychos firing.

This latest, almost-daily mass shooting happens just as Congress is taking the courageous initiative to pass legislation easing restrictions on gun silencers. Because everyone knows the real problem with guns is the horrible noise. It would have been so much better in Las Vegas if those people had been able to hear the concert more clearly while hundreds of their fellow concertgoers were falling dead and injured all around them.

More Big Winning, Chrump Style

Chrump has been whining about Puerto Rico’s debt. He finally got the chance to spit on them in person. Finally making his way to the island, which is surrounded by water, big water, our natural-disaster-in-chief continued his disgraceful attack on American citizens, “I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico, but you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack, because we spent a lot of money on Puerto Rico, and that’s fine.”  Der Furor thinks and acts like he is still a failed businessman. He has yet to transition to realizing he is a failed “president”. Certain that he had not gone far enough into blind, tone-deaf, and dumbass territory, Chrump tried to belittle Puerto Ricans’ suffering by insisting that hurricane Katrina was a “real catastrophe” because there was a much larger death toll.

Chrump tosses paper towels at desperate Puerto Ricans.
You cannot see the $10 price tag from this angle.
That the towels are laced with smallpox is as yet unproven.

 

Tune in next time when we hear Der Furor say, “I think Puerto Rico made a huge mistake building an island surrounded by water. Big water. Ocean water. The United States isn’t surrounded by water. That’s why we don’t have budget problems like Puerto Rico or very horrible hurricanes. And nobody knew that hurricanes could be so windy. So much wind. I’m glad I wasn’t here when it happened, it might have seriously disrupted my hair. But don’t worry, I know many rich guys who will come down here and buy up this totally ruined island and build beautiful resorts and golf clubs and all of you will be invited to become members, or at least to look around, or maybe even do some landscaping. I know you people are very good at that sort of thing. You’re welcome.”  

I. Mangrey reporting.