WHEW!!!!
December 7, 2022
A Date That Will Live In Famy
It was close, but it wasn’t horrifyingly
stupid.
Rafael Warnock defeats the guy he was running
against.
Georgia dodges a dum-dum bullet.
Georgia Survives Toxic Runoff
Just thought you might like to know.
Now wasn’t that fun?
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
This
Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
December 6, 2022, as the polls in Georgia are
closing
Apparently, there
are people in Georgia (and some of their friends) who are as stupid and
ignorant as we thought they were.
Someone should tell
this yahoo that he and his fellow travelers are the reason “they’re not going
to do anything up in Washington.”
Trying to be polite
here. Really, I am. There are plenty of Democrats in Congress who can be quite
annoying in many ways. But there are many more on the other side of the aisle
(the pro-Trump, pro-Hitler, willing-to-forgive-Nazis side) who are simply
tiny-brained fascist fuckwit clowns who have no intention of getting anything
substantial accomplished. Oh, and they are also incredibly fucking annoying to
boot. If people like Mr. Woodall are unable to discern the difference between
someone like Rafael Warnock and Herschel Walker, maybe we do need some kind of
minimum intellectual competence to qualify for the ability to cast a vote.
Friend of
mock-candidate Herschel Walker, Louisiana’s John Kennedy (no relation to the
Massachusetts Kennedys or mammals in general) had this to add to Walker’s
frightening campaign support
These woke, high IQ
stupid people, they walk around with zip lock bags of kale that they eat to
give them energy. If you want to eat kale, that's up to you. I don't eat kale.
You know why? Because kale tastes to me like I'd rather be fat.
And stupid.
In Related Broken News…
Many pundits keep
asking, “Is there room for white supremacy and fascism in the Republican (their
word, not mine) Party?” Are you fucking kidding me? The real question is, “Is
there room for anyone else anymore?”
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
nail biting.
Walker,
Don’t Run
December 5, 2022
It’s once
again Election Eve in (part of) Americaland. Though it’s only Texas…I mean,
Georgia, much of the nation is watching this race very closely. It is possible
that a win for Democrats – and mammals everywhere – could go a long way toward
Manchin-proofing the Senate.
Ignore
for the moment that the House will be in the hands of a bunch of mental
patients and the fact that Herschel Walker seems to think (and I use the term
wrongly) he is running for a seat in the House, and hopefully take your
pleasure where you can find them.
Here's The Fact:
Someone
should tell wannabe-Senator-Shit-For-Brains that Cassius Clay Changed his name
a few years ago. And then tell him to go back to sucking rocks in Texas, where
he lives.
Good luck Georgia. Good luck to us every one.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest...The Rest Are Busy Shitting It
December 1, 2022
Many people are saying this;
it's not me saying it, though I wouldn't put it past me. They are saying that
as a result of the 2022 election, the inmates will be running the asylum
beginning in January 2023. But it is not just that the inmates will be running
the asylum. These inmates are either off their meds, in the queue for lobotomy,
or have escaped custody and will be permitted to vote in absentia. Fortunately,
just like their dear leader, we can be sure that once they take office, they
will pivot and act professional. Right?
As everyone knows, the only
reason Ratpublicans win most House seats is the vote-suffocating gerrymandering
they have instituted. Though the predicted Red Wave of 2022 turned into a post
nasal drip, there is still much to worry about. That post nasal drip could
easily morph into pneumonia if we are not careful. By some accounts, more than
170 Republicans will be in Congress in 2023 who have either denied or cast
doubts on the legitimacy of Joe Biden’s presidential win in 2020. That is 170
out of a total of 535 in the House and Senate. Out of that 535, only
approximately 270 (as of this writing) are Ratpublicans. So 63% of Ratpublicans
are election liars, who now hold a slim majority in the House and a slim
minority in the Senate.
“We have never studied in
history how much taxes people paid back in the ice ages to warm up the Earth
and melt the ice.”
actual quote from Marjorie Taylor Greene…seriously
Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) is the
prohibitive favorite to take the gavel from Nancy Pelosi. Most historians agree
that we will be bidding farewell to the first woman, and perhaps most
accomplished and consequential Speaker of the House in American history to what
is likely to be the least consequential speakership perpetrated by the least
mentally competent Speaker of all time, that is, until the next Ratpublican
speaker who could very well make Herschel Walker look like Albert Einstein. Remember,
McCarthy raged that when he becomes Speaker of the House, which is now a
distinct and very frightening possibility, he will reinstate dangerous morons
like Taylor Greene and Paul Gosar’s committee assignments, which they lost due
to insane and hateful comments. Won’t that be grand.
McCarthy also promised to
remove Reps. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), Eric Swalwell (D-CA) and Adam Schiff (D-CA)
from their respective committees if he becomes Speaker of the House in January.
For reasons that exist only in the fevered minds of mental defectives like
McCarthy.
Suddenly, the inimitable
(that’s not a complement) Marjorie Taylor Greene has been showing up all over
my tv screen, pretending to act like a serious person. She has somehow escaped
from her peach-tree dish, survived Nancy Pelosi’s gazpacho Police and all the
space lasers the Jews could muster to take her place in the new disproved 118th
Congress under the stewardship of Kevin McCarthy or something like him. Greene
is already laying out her laundry list of failures: investigating Nancy Pelosi
for January 6th, avenge the terrible treatment of January 6
traitors, bringing Anthony Fauci and Hunter Biden to justice, investigating
support for Ukraine, impeaching Merrick Garland, various cabinet members and
possibly Joe Biden…for trying to extort Ukraine and then starting an
insurrection – oh wait, that was the last guy (the one they unflinchingly stood
up for) – I mean for being a Democrat.
Ratpublicans want to defund the
FBI and eliminate the Department of Justice. Rumor has it that they also plan
to appeal the court-martial of Benedict Arnold, demand a recount of the 1860
election (claiming Stephen Douglas had the election stolen), and make
Christianity the official religion of the United States. One can only assume
there will be more Benghazi hearings, a new round of investigations into
Hillary Clinton’s emails and the nomination of Donald Trump for a series of
Nobel Prizes and the Supreme Court, and ultimately a push for sainthood, which
can now be decided by the six Bishops or Cardinals or whatever the majority of
Extreme Court call themselves. Buckle up boys and girls.
As of now Jim “I See Nothing”
Jordan, who has been credibly accused of ignoring sexual abuse at Ohio State
while he was a men’s wrestling coach, and who is obviously about 50 cards short
of a full deck, is poised to become chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.
I have to admit that the
Democrats in Congress have no one who compare to any of the leading…let’s call
them lights, for the sake of argument…on the Ratpublican side. Even the
so-called Do-Nothing 80th Congress (also Ratpublican) actually did
something as far as passing legislation. The 118th Congress will not
only be a real do-nothing Congress; it will become known as The Revenge
Congress. They will have neither time nor inclination to put forth policy,
which is fortunate because anything they might do would be better left undone
anyway. Instead, they will be loser-focused on harassing, haranguing and
hallucinating.
__________________________________________________
*A happy home, where life is
beautiful all the time…for the deranged and dangerous
I. Mangrey reminding.
HIDDEN BONUS TRACK:
November
30, 2022
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
November
29, 2022
It seems
amazing that high-profile fascists, racists, anti-Semites, Holocaust deniers
and their ilk are willing to risk their very fine reputations by being seen
with disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and
Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Donald Trump. They must be very secure in their hatred and ignorance.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
What do you
think?
Going
Native
November 24, 2022
Well,
isn’t this a special Thanksgiving Day. Apparently the United States (a shamelessly
stolen land) House of Representatives is considering – considering, mind you –
honoring an 1835 treaty. The same document the federal government used to
remove the Cherokee and take their homeland — the Treaty of New Echota — also
guaranteed the tribe a voice (a non-voting voice) in Congress. Yes, that’s
right, that would be the same treaty that sanctioned the brutally disgraceful
Trail of Tears which murdered a quarter of the Cherokee Nation. Yet, not so
much as an essentially ceremonial presence in the government that waltzed in
and usurped their ancestral homeland without so much as a fare-thee-well.
So, American
Samoa, the Northern Mariana Islands, Guam, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands
all have non-voting seats in the House, but the Cherokee Nation does not. The
Choctaws also have a similar treaty but are even further from being seated
than the Cherokee.
The good news is we no longer have Sarah Palin to kick around anymore - she lost to Native American Mary Peltola for Alaska's House.
Happy
Thankstaking, white devils.
Just thought you might like to know.
Alright, so that maybe wasn't as much fun as you'd hoped, but it's a fucking fact. So sue me.
Either way, this has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For Turkey Day.
We Don’t Have Enough Trees, But One Too Many Walkers
November 23, 2022
“We’re
in the best country in the United States.”
Herschel Walker, November 12,
2022
“Well first of all
this election is more than Herschel Walker,
this erection is about the people.”
Herschel Walker, November 22, 2022
Herschel Walker, who was carpet-bagged out of Texass by Donald Trump in order to pit him against Sen. Raphael Warnock (D-GA, not TX), has once again changed his stance on abortion. “I believe with both of my brain cells that abortion should only be legal in cases where there is a serious threat to the health of a celebrity's bank account. You knows, that when you a star, they lets you do anything you want. Mr. Trump tole me that and he the smartess man I ever known. And did you know that werewolves can kill vampires?”
Walker has not however, changed
his brain-dead stance on destroying the environment. He once again showed off
his anti-environment bona fides, polluting the campaign trail with more of his
signature word salad/vomit, and what we assume must be methane (the highly
climate-damaging gas in cow farts) coming out of his pie-hole. Walker gave
Sarah Palin a run for her counterfeit money as he flogged the need to keep
gas-guzzling cars pumping out that sweet CO2. I think that either
Herschel has a serious oxygen-to-the-brain deficit, or he's just an ignorant
fuck who should try going without the highly overrated oxygen for a few days, just to see how he likes
it, or perhaps he might want to suck on one o’ them gas-guzzler’s tailpipes for
an hour or so. What could it hurt?
WARNING: Actual Quote
If we was ready for the green agenda, I’d raise my hand right
now. But we’re not ready right now. So don’t let them fool you like this is a
new agenda. This is not a new agenda. We’re not prepared. We’re not ready right
now. What we need to do is keep having those gas-guzzling cars, ’cause we got
the good emissions under those cars. We’re doing the best thing that we can.
Add this to Walker’s previous
claim that
Since we don’t control the air, our good air decided to float
over to China’s bad air so when China gets our good air, their bad air got to
move. So it moves over to our good air space. Then now we got to clean that
back up, while they’re messing ours up.*
And his mental mumbling that
They’re not helping you out, because a lot of the money is
going into trees. You know that, don’t you? It’s going into trees. We’ve got
enough trees. Don’t we have enough trees around here?*
It probably doesn’t help that
Walker apparently has a mouth full of socks whenever he talks. That and a head
full of fermenting oatmeal. Either way, Paying Attention is offering $100 (in
crypto) to anyone who can explain what the fuck Walker is talking about.
And look at the company he
keeps…
Knowing all of this, one would
not be unwise to decide that Mr. Walker gives mammals a bad name.
___________________________________________________
*Actual fucking quote
I. Mangrey reporting. It hurt so hard I laughed.
November 22, 2022
Then of course, the Bush/Cheney administration illegally
invaded Saudi Arabia…I mean Afghanistan…I mean Iraq. Naturally, the war criminals
Bush and Cheney were tried, convicted and severely punished…I mean got off
scot-free.
Biden’s
almost strong words aimed at Saudi Arabia came three months after his embarrassing
photo-op with the murderous scumbag Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (or MBS
as his pals, like Jared Kushner call him). It came even closer on the heels of MBS and company giving Biden - and all Americans - a big, beautiful fuck-you when Biden asked for a little help with gas prices. Who's our daddy?
Subsequent
to all this falderal, Joe Biden’s Democratic Party took Ratpublicans behind the
proverbial woodshed and beat the Senate out of them, and came shockingly close
to beating the House out of them as well.
Hey
Joe Biden, your party just “won” the midterm election. What are you gonna do
now?
I’m gonna let MBS off the hook for the brutal murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi and then I’m going to Disney World.
Freak
out…
I
mean, Peace Out.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fraught
For The Day.
What has you fraught
for the day?
