Did He Mention He's Very Rich?

Chrump Change

On The Camp Pain Trail

August 28, 2015

I’ve been trying to keep my cool, but The Chrump continues to assault and insult everything beyond the perimeter of that hairloaf atop his pulsating skull. If you’ve been watching, and for your sake I hope you haven’t, you’ll notice that he no longer allows his hairloaf out in public. Since it has a mind of its own (unlike the host beneath it) Chrump developed the hat-look. Just as Rick Perry’s glasses-look, which he hoped would fool people into thinking he was smarter than when they last saw him, The Chrump donned a baseball type cap for two reasons: 1) Like Perry’s new façade, Chrump’s would have us believe he has something in common with actual people, that he is a down-to-earth guy who wears baseball hats and knows what’s good for America and 2) That thing on his head reacts very badly to the outdoors. It has less self control than its host. And it’s a danger to him (I’m okay with that) and the general public. One ill-timed stiff wind in the wrong direction and say good-bye to your children, pets, small cars and who-knows-what-else that might get swept up in its orange-y tentacles.

Hair today, goon tomorrow

Despite what people with IQs think, Chrump is racking up some key endorsements. He’s already bagged Ann Coulter and (Korea’s own hair apparent) Kim Jong-un’s BFF Dennis Rodman. Canada’s favorite Cuban son, Ted Cruz can’t stop drooling over him. And that’s not all. America's most popular neo-Nazi website, the Daily Stormer, has officially announced its support and, as if that’s not good enough, he’s won over famed white supremacist and former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke who described the Republican’t frontrunner as untrustworthy, but the "best of the lot," adding, “I’ve said from the beginning I think his campaign is good in the sense that it’s bringing these issues to a discussion which we have to have in America." Duke also noted that Chrump “has really said some incredibly great things recently. So whatever his motivation, I don’t give a damn. I really like the fact that he’s speaking out on this greatest immediate threat to the American people.”

And just what are some of those incredibly great things Chrump has been saying? Mexicans are criminals and rapists? That seems pretty great. How about when he said more really great things about Mexicans like, "These are tough dudes. If I'm elected, they're going to be out of here day one. We're going to get them the hell out of our country. They're going to be out so fast your head will spin." Just keeps getting better. I’ll bet the former Grand Whiz thought Chrump tweeting, “Jeb Bush is crazy, who cares that he speaks Mexican, this is America, English !!" was really great too. When Chrump was asked what he thought about such incredibly great Americans like the KKK and Nazis supporting him he grunted, “Everybody likes me.” Au contraire mon frère, you can put me in the against column. To his credit Chrump, at great political risk, stated for the record, “I’m not a fan of Hitler.” Who knew?

One of many Chrump piñatas on everyone’s shopping list

Chrump, the preposterous, prevaricating, petulant, prima-Donald who would likely name the country after himself if given half a chance, is practically guaranteeing a Democrat in the White House as he inflicts his uncontrollable ego on the national political scene. He is drawing the worst of the worst out from under rocks better left un-turned-over. Chrump will never climb above 50% of Republican’t voters. Just as he is not willing to promise to support some other nominee, no one else (other than Cruz who invited Chrump to join him in an upcoming rally to bomb Iran) would support him should he win the primary. His numbers are only high because there are so many other knuckleheads running. That and the fact that Republican’ts think this is just a reality show and can’t wait to cast their vote for the next American Idiot Idle.

Most of Chrump’s ideas are illegal and hateful and completely lacking in substance. Though most of the time he’s just lying or talking to hear his own voice. Like when he whines about how Fux News, who kissed his ass until their lips chapped, until they dared ask him provocative questions during the first debate, treats him so badly, “I won in every single poll of the debate, I won. I won from Drudge. I won in Time magazine. I won all the -- everybody thought I won the debate. But I certainly had the worst questions, the most unfair questions. And, you know, I like Fox. I like it, but, no, I think they treat me very poorly.” Like when he told us China is kicking America’s ass just before their economy tanked and caused a not-so-minor earthquake on Wall Street, to which Chrump boasted he told us so. What the chrump? Disgusting Donald just wants to be stroked. But, keep your hands away from that thing on top of his head if you know what’s good for you.

The Chrump From the Black Lagoon

Another Bush Makes Words Happen

Trying desperately not to be out-dumbed, J.E.B. threw his hate in the ring:

J.E.B.: Greater enforcement so that you don’t have these “anchor babies,” as they’re described, coming into the country.

Reporter: Do you think the term “anchor baby” is offensive?

J.E.B. - the smart Bush, whatever that means

J.E.B.: No, no...I...if there’s another term I can come up with, I’m happy to hear it...Here’s the deal, what I said was it’s commonly referred to that, that’s what I said, I didn’t use it as my own language." He may have added, “That was not my mouth I was using when I said that, it.” I made up the last little bit, but what the hell difference does it really make at this point?

I. Mangrey. Paying dearly for paying attention.

You Didn't Miss Anything

Fux News/Republican'ts Hoist First Debate For 2016

Mouths were opened. Sounds came out. No one died. Yada, yada, yada.

I. Mangrey reporting. 

Jon, Dick and I

It Didn’t Have To End Like This

August 6, 2015

Dear Jon:

How could you? I’ve been loyal, faithful, obsessed and often life-savingly amused lo these many years. I invited you into my home, onto my computers, and recently my phone. And now you’re just up and leaving? I know you warned me it was coming. And suddenly I was supposed to take you seriously? And now it’s really happening. I can’t believe you weren’t lying to me. Have you no sense of decency, sir?

The face that lanced a thousand shits

I haven’t felt like this since Al Franken left Air America radio. At least Al became a senator. Now, just like so many you have ridiculed all these years, you would have me believe that you want to spend more time with your family? Do they even know about this? Is this really in their best interest? It seems very selfish of you to care for yourself when so many have come to depend on you for so much for so long. Where the hell am I supposed to get my newsmusement from now? Fux News? Trevor Noah? I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that one. I am on the rebound after all. But as Rick Perry told us during his 2016 presidential run announcement, “There is nothing wrong in America today that a change in leadership can’t make happen.” So I do have some hope.

I understand we all must learn to deal with loss in our own way. Right now I am very close to emerging from the fetal position. Of course now that you will no longer be bringing me all the news that gives me fits, my life could take a serious (okay, not likely serious, but unpredictable) turn. Anything could happen. I might just begin stalking you. What else is left for me at this point? Lucky for you I’m very lazy and don’t like to leave my house. I will say that you have been one of our great inspirations here at Paying Attention. Maybe that will buy you some time and sympathy.

Jon and The Fetid Bush

I will try not to un-love you for leaving us alone with The Chrump. At least you saw me through all the fetid Bush years, and that was no easy task. And you did it beautifully. Zie Gezunt.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Now here it is, your moment of Zen…

 

And now for something completely different...

 

Holiday Greetings From Everyone at Paying Attention

One Less Dick Never Hurt Anyone 

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
August 7, 2015

Hello loyal readers, I. Mangrey doesn't work on weekdays so once again it's up to me, the managing editor here at Paying Attention, to keep the Resignation Day(s) tradition alive this year. As most of you are probably unaware, today is Erev Resignation Day(s) (or Resignation Day(s) Eve, depending on how you roll). On the evening of August 8, 1974, crook, felon, anti-Semite, Liberal-hating, secret-bomber, paranoiac, all-around uncommitted mental patient and then-president Richard M. Nixon, resigned after serving half of his second term in the People's House in order to avoid a term in the Big House. If this was Sarah Palin’s inspiration for serving only one half of one term as governor of Alaska, then we at least owe him for that…or at least Alaska does. Today Nixon the Liberal-hater would be seen as much too liberal for today's Tea-stained Republican't freak show. The more things change, the more they stay the strange. Anyway, Resignation Day is one of my favorite American holidays. A great day for democracy and as close as we get to a great day for justice in this country. I snagged a photo of I. Mangrey sporting one of his prized t-shirts to commemorate this festive time of year. He and it are a bit wrinkled, but I think you'll get the message.

I. Mangrey in his Resignation Day(s) finery

"I have never been a quitter," began Nixon during prime time on August 8, 1974, "To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body…Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office." Gerald Ford, Nixon’s hand-picked pardoner/successor took the oaf of office on August 9, 1974 capping off America’s only two-day national holiday. I still remember it well, to the best of my recollection.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.

Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled yet trenchant 41th anniversary of finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore holiday season,

Ed Venture

In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Thanks Ed. That was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for this year’s holiday season…

Once more it’s that season, and Obama’s still here
Watching those who’d replace him lurch into gear.
They’re angry and senseless, they screech and they bite

No need for good reason, they just like to fight.

Now Christie! Cruz, Kasich! Paul, Bush, Carson, Trump!
On, Rubio! On Walker! On, Huckabee! A great bunch of chumps!
They all come a tumbling from the zany clown car!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please dash away far!

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
For the chance to meet Clinton or Sanders for the big fight!

 

“The Dick is out but we’re still getting f*&%$d”  sg, August 9, 1974

You've Got Fail

Psychotic presidential primary participant Rafael "Ted" Cruz, Jr. swings and misses again with his latest video. I'll let Ted take it from here...

The Chrump Who Stole The Primary

The Campaign of Donald Chrump: It's Real(ity TV)

July 31, 2015

The Chrump

The current GOP frontrunner is pulling away from the cavalcade of clowns, creeps, clods and cretins clamoring to capture the 45^th presidency. So far, the more abusive, ignorant and childish he shows himself to be, the more beloved he becomes to Republican’t primary voters. The narcissistic reality show host is on a rampage against anything that’s not nailed down. Half Sarah Palin, half Louie Gohmert, half Andrew Dice Clay, Mr. Chrump can babble bellicose bile with the best worst of them. The interesting thing is that most people believe that his campaign is merely a spin-off of The Apprentice. None of those polled were asked if they thought that Chrump’s candidacy was for real. Some volunteered that they wondered why there have been no commercials so far. Others assumed that Chrump was sponsoring the entire event out of his very large bank account.

NEW CNN/ORC POLL:

SANDERS: 59% 

CHRUMP: 38% 

The only thing Chrump hasn’t done so far is whip a firearm out of his hair and start waving around while threatening his opponents, China, Russia, Iran, Canada, Mexico, Antartica and the climate. Thus far the candidate has not let on that this is the direction his reality campaign will take, but I’m looking forward to Chrump’s inevitable open carry campaign stops. He will show everyone who’s boss by Second Amendmenting his way across the country. Even more exciting will be his first accidental shooting.

The Donald explaining The Chrump Doctrine for international diplomacy.

Chrump arrives in Texas to huge, well-paid adoring fans. After trashing ex-governor Rick Perry for over a half hour, The Don’tald who calls himself a "big Second Amendment person," told the minimum wage crowd, “I don’t need glasses to look smart. I’m already the smartest person you’ve ever met. I’m the smartest man ever to run for president. I’m also the richest. I will defeat the Mexican rapists and John McCain easily. I will kick their ass. When I am president America will secede from the United Nations. Nobody tell America what to do…except me, Donald Chrump. I, I mean we, will own Europe. I’m worth $9 billion* by the way. Right now America is a broken down wasteland. There is almost nothing left for me take over, but I’m so amazing that nothing is too tough for me to fix or go bankrupt trying. Am I right? Frankly I can’t even believe anyone is running against me. You can’t beat me. You just can’t. Ask anyone. And I know exactly how to beat ISIS – you just watch me. I’m worth $10 billion.* Now watch me pull a rifle out of my hair.” Whereupon the AR-15 appeared and began to discharge its ammo until the Chrumpster regained control, but not before two of his bodyguards lay dead and 17 innocent, albeit well-paid attendees found themselves improperly pierced.

Chrump taking the stage for his famous “I Have a Gun” speech.

If you need further proof of Chrump’s reality-ness, according to Ann Coulter, “Trump is different. We have been lied to for thirty years about immigration. That’s why Trump is striking this chord. He’s attractive. He’s tall. He’s hilariously funny. I think he could be not only a nominee who could win but a third party candidate who could win.” I rest my case.

Chrump, the unrepentant, unrelenting birther is still waiting to see Obama’s birth certificate so he can finally believe Obama is president. It’s not the orangutan-topped Chrump’s birth certificate I’m anxious to see…

*or less than $3 billion according to those who are not Donald Chrump

NEW I. MANGREY POLL:

CHEEZ WHIZ: 19% 

CHRUMP: 2%
ANYONE ELSE: 79%

When All Else Fails…Hitler

Not to be out-dumbed, professional hypocrite, Rev. Mike Huckabee, miserably trailing Chrump in the Republican’t primary and also desperate for attention commented on Obama’s attempts at détente with Iran thusly: "This president’s foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven." When Obama called him out saying that the former governor's comment was "part of just a general pattern that we've seen that would be considered ridiculous if it weren't so sad." Naturally Reverend Mike has, like all his Republican’t colleagues, not read the Iran agreement…but they all hate it preemptively.

Huckabee bit back…"What's 'ridiculous and sad' is that President Obama does not take Iran's repeated threats seriously. For decades, Iranian leaders have pledged to 'destroy,' 'annihilate,' and 'wipe Israel off the map' with a 'big Holocaust,'" Huckabee said in a Monday statement. "'Never again' will be the policy of my administration and I will stand with our ally Israel to prevent the terrorists in Tehran from achieving their own stated goal of another Holocaust." The man is clearly unshakable in his support for Israel.

Said The Huckster in 2008, “Another way to contain Iran is through diplomacy. We must be as aggressive diplomatically as we have been militarily since 9/11…Iran is a nation-state seeking regional clout and playing the game of power politics we understand and can skillfully pursue. We cannot live with al Qaeda, but we might be able to live with a contained Iran.” Why does he hate the Jews so much? Of course allowing Iran to prematurely annihilate Israeli Jews is dangerous since the Jews in Israel are a necessary ingredient for The Rapture.

I. Mangrey reporting. Does this font make me look fat?

UPDATE

My prediction for the upcoming first Republican't primary debate...

Paying (For) Attention: Business Edition

(None Of Your Effin) Business News

July 17, 2015

Oil, Oil Everywhere, But Not A Drop To Drink

The looming deal with Iran obviously has many possible perils pervading its implementation, not to mention long-term effects in the Middle East and across the globe. One element not to be ignored however is the fact that Iran has lots of oil on which we would like to get our hands. Because oil makes the world go round. Right now the U.S. has more oil than it knows what to do with. And America’s tree buggerers remain relentless in their quest to unearth every last drop under the ground or under the seas. The goal is to suck it out and burn it up if only to prove that humans are in no way contributing to global climate change. Yes we can.

Rumor has it that some scientists are hard at work trying to develop technology that will turn oil into drinking water. Move over Jesus. My mouth is already watering at the mere thought. Finally, I may be able to stop drinking my own urine. Now I am not a scientist, and it is true that I am gullible enough to believe in things like global climate change, evolution and gravity, but it seems very possible that it would be easier to fix it so that people could consume oil instead of water.

Oiled water off the coast of Louisiana. Those folks just love anything blackened.

George W. Bush, in his 2006 State of The Union address told us that “America is addicted to oil.” Three months later he rattled off a list of possible alternatives and then swallowed his own brain before leaving office having ACCOMPLISHED his MISSION of having been president, albeit unelected.

Cheap Labor Pains

Apparently the hugely profitable corporations exploiting slave cheap labor in China are finding labor costs in China too high. They are looking to Africa as the next stop on their slave-y chain. The good part about this is that they won’t have to cart African workers half way across the world to enslave employ them this time. In our modern world we can now bring the abuse right to their front doors.

Don’t ask how they make the doll heads.

Meanwhile Greece is battling it out with their Euro predators creditors for their very survivial.

The Pope Weighs In

Pope Francis, fresh off his strident support for taking climate change seriously, appealed to world leaders on July 11 to seek a new economic model to help the poor, and to avoid policies that "sacrifice human lives on the altar of money and profit."

He urged politicians and business leaders "not to yield to an economic model which is idolatrous, which needs to sacrifice human lives on the altar of money and profit."

According to the Pontiff, "Putting bread on the table, putting a roof over the heads of one's children, giving them health and an education, these are essential for human dignity," adding, "Corruption is the plague, it's the gangrene of society." I wonder what kind of time he will have when he visits the States this September. Maybe he should read up on America. Not only is “Corruption” our middle name, and giving anything to the poor - especially health care and education - is seen as blasphemy to a large segment of the population and government, but we have more guns than anywhere else in the world and an unknown number of itchy trigger fingers attached to people with neither jobs, common sense or sanity.

Words To (Clearly Not From) The Wise

“There’s nothing wrong in America today that a change in leadership will not make happen.” Rick Perry June 4, 2015

One thing Mr. Perry might not know is that due to term limits there will be a change in leadership no matter what. He might want to get his glasses checked.

I. Mangrey reporting. Pay up.

Scalia Knows Best

Scalia Tortures Court, Constitution and Country

So What Else is New, DC

July 9, 2015

How do we get Antonin Scalia to stop talking?

Before I go any further, let us remember just what kind of person the Reagan-appointed Antonin Scalia is. In 2007 Antonin Scalia waxed apoplectic about a fictional character saving America by torturing people. Real-life experts insist that torture doesn’t work. Why would a Supreme Court justice bother himself with a bunch of facts and cogent arguments when he can just quote fiction as though he was a Fux News talking head. The self-described “originalist” Scalia claims to live by the word of our Founders, which he and apparently he alone knows without question. It is his job to impart unto us the precise meaning intended by each and every word they wrote. Let us not quibble over the fact that even they were not sure of what they were doing and that they clearly intended for the Constitution to evolve along with the great experiment that was the new nation they designed. Most interesting to me is learning just how flexible the Founders’ intentions were when it comes to war, corporations and invasion of privacy. Who the hell wants to form a more perfect Union anyway?

Even the often clueless conservative commentator/columnist George Will had something constructive to add on the Founder’s intent in a recent column: "In 1824, in retirement 37 years after serving as the Constitutional Convention's prime mover, James Madison, 73, noted that the 1787 "language of our Constitution is already undergoing interpretations unknown to its founders." He knew that the purport of the text would evolve "with the changeable meaning of the words composing it." Madison, our fourth president, considered by many to be the "Father of the Constitution," was also the key champion and author of the Bill of Rights. Madison’s political views evolved during his life, as did those of most of his contemporaries. During the drafting and ratification of the constitution, he championed a strong national government. He subsequently came to favor stronger state governments, finally settling between the two extremes late in his life. I know what you’re thinking (even Scalia doesn’t know that). What the hell does Madison know?  He’s been dead for 179 years and never even owned an assault rifle.

Yes, that would be the same Antonin Scalia who flouted the very foundation of democracy by illegally halting the counting of votes in Florida’s 2000 presidential contest and then blithely appointing George W. Bush president despite Bush’s having lost the popular vote and very likely the Electoral College. Scalia had no problem with the fact that there was no precedent for this decision and happily insisted that this unheard-of judgment (more accurately described as a coup d’état) could not be cited in future cases. I believe this was the original WTF moment. Scalia has more recently shown his disdain for voters and his desire for corporate control of our electoral process by siding with his cohorts on the Court who ruled in favor of Citizens United in 2009 and gutted the 1965 Voting Rights Act in 2013.

Scalia Scorches SCOTUS

Scalia is now freaking out about two major decisions he and his eight colleagues decided, with Scalia, his lapdog Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito on the losing end. Scalia hates the idea of poor Americans getting health insurance with the help of the federal government. Scalia is also mortified by the thought of marriage equality and by all appearances, most civil rights. Obamacare was upheld by a 6-3 vote, a decision Scalia labeled “interpretive jiggery-pokery” and “Pure applesauce.” Strangely, Obamacare still probably helps insurance corporations at least as much as it helps the insured. Marriage equality passed 5-4; Scalia called this decision a “threat to Democracy” and “constitutional revision by an unelected committee of nine.”

Somewhere…the Rainbow

In a striking rebuke from the pot to the kettle, Chief Hypocrite of the Supreme Court Scalia said Justice Anthony Kennedy’s majority opinion was, "couched in a style that is as pretentious as its content is egotistic." It is also rumored that Clarence Thomas had and wrote an opinion. Said Uncle Thomas, “Slaves did not lose their dignity (any more than they lost their humanity) because the government allowed them to be enslaved.” Nope, can’t think of anything more dignified or humanity-affirming than being a slave. Can you? Is Clarence Thomas just another Rachel Dolezal? He looks black, but that’s about it. Dolezal didn’t look, and apparently isn’t nearly as black as she acted - the exact opposite of Uncle Thomas.

Black tie. Very dignified.

The Court Giveth and The Court Sucketh Away

Fortunately, the Court quickly got back on track after briefly erring on the side of people and civil rights instead of their usual - protecting corporations from people like you and me. Scalia will be happy again now that air pollution is safe from the tyrannical EPA  and prisoners can still be killed by eventually-lethal or lethal-ish injection – just like in other paragons of virtue like China, Iran, North Korea and Yemen. Pretty good company, no?

James Madison, though dead since 1836, is still more intellectually honest, reasonable and adaptable than Antonin Scalia. Be careful America, I’m pretty sure Dick Cheney’s old hunting buddy Scalia owns guns - and they’re not all Constitutionally-authorized muskets. If I were Scalia wouldn’t take any more of this pathetic revisionism; I would stand up for my firmly-held, coldhearted, archaic beliefs and resign.

To all those who agree with Scalia on these devastating blows to the United States – providing health care and civil rights to Americans – let me say to you what people like you were so fond of saying to people like me back in the 1960s and 1970s: Love it or Leave it.

I. Mangrey reporting. Yippie!