First, The Bad News
May 30, 2021
You know it’s bad news
when it deals with Ted Cruz. In the latest of countless efforts to further tarnish his image, Texas
twit Ted Cruz who never served anyone but himself, let alone the military,
retweeted a Russian military propaganda video as part of his effort to
denigrate the diversity of what Cruz decried as the “woke, emasculated” U.S.
military. It is unknown whether Red Ted launched his tweet from Cancun or while
cowering in his basement full of canned goods and adult diapers.
Cruz and Abbott: Scum and Dumber
Not to be outdumb, the brain-dead governor of Cruz’s home state of Texas,
Greg Abbott is poised to sign a bill making it legal to carry a handgun in the
Lone Braincell State without a permit, registration or any training whatsoever.
Unsurprisingly, Texas wants to make it easier to shoot people for any or no
reason than to exercise the right to vote. Texas Republicans are calling it a “constitutional
carry” law; others are calling it “carry-to-kill” law. What could possibly go
right?
In a stunning and wholly unexpected move, yoga will no longer be outlawed in Alabama schools after being banned for 27 years – along with meditation. However, just to play it safe, only English names for poses may be spoken, and uttering the word Namaste ist verboten. There is no truth to the rumor that Republicans supported the change because they were desperate to learn how to to become limber enough to pull their heads out of their asses. It remains unclear if cogent thought and sensibility were officially banned or simply deemed unnecessary by the bulk of Alabama’s populace, and whether these also are poised to make a comeback in the Cotton State. Just so we’re clear, yoga and meditation were outlawed but public displays of Confederate affection were the order of the day.
Trae Crowder, Liberal Redneck - Confederate Memorial Day
In even better news…
The professional racist
formerly known as senator, and darling of the Christian Right Rick Santorum has
finally been fired by CNN after one too many ignorant, racist remarks, this
time against this land’s original inhabitants, who the Frothy One described as
essentially worthless before the arrival the giant, deadly parasites known as
Europeans (who just happen to be the ancestors of the deadly traitors who
defiled the Capital on January 6th; go figure). And I quote, “We
birthed a nation from nothing. I mean, there was nothing here. I mean, yes, we
have Native Americans, but candidly, there isn’t much Native American culture
in American culture.”
In the best news…
The Washington Post reports that
Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance has convened a special grand jury to
determine whether or not the Orange Gas Cloud and/or any or all of his fellow
criminals should be indicted. Vance has been investigating Turmp for more than
two years, and it is believed that he would not convene a grand jury without
having a high degree of confidence in his ability to ultimately obtain a
conviction.
In prison, no one can hear you tweet
For his part, Turmp emitted his
usual lie-encrusted denial of any wrongdoing, which is amusing since everyone
knows that wrongdoing has been his life-long default setting. You may want to
stock up on popcorn.
I. Mangrey, with a side of hopeful.
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