Resignation Day(s) 2021 - Day One

Those Who Don't Celebrate History Are Doomed To Regret It

August 8, 2021

We simply cannot ignore the desire to reminisce, remind and rehash the historic resignation of disgraced president Richard Nixon. We recall with frightening clarity when what would one day become the entire staff at Paying Attention watched Bonnie Raitt stop the August 8, 1974 show at the Temple University Ambler Campus Music Fair to announce with great satisfaction that the murderous, drunken paranoiac Dick Nixon had declared his intention to resign his office, effective at noon on the following day (Hence, the two-day celebration). If not for his cowardly resignation, knowing full well that his hand-picked successor had promised to grant him a full pardon for the crimes of which Nixon was clearly guilty. And if there was any doubt of said guilt, the pardon put an end to any such debate. Innocent people do not get pardons.

As much as we here at Paying Attention love a good impeachment, this is the first time in four years that we have not smelled the acrid though irresistible scent of get-this-fucking-asshole-out-of-here-already as though it were smoldering in the next room. Nonetheless, the incredibly inaptly-named Right Wing is screaming for impeachment, despite the fact that there have been no reasons shown by the actual current president, Joe Biden. Funny thing though, the spray-tanned psychopath who claims he is still president, continues to warrant impeachment as more details of his long-planned coup d'état come to light each and every day.

It might be worth humoring the Orange Turd just for a day or two. Let him be president for a day so we can impeach the mother fucker again already. Turmp has done nothing to glaring the light of impeachment trying to add a more normal coloring to the Orange B (typically only for use in hot dog and sausage casings)-hued blimp, who has done everything but personally filch voting machines or employ his last-phrase-of-the-Second-Amendment “rights” in order to create enough votes to steal the election. Turmp tried to get the Ukraine president to fabricate dirt on Biden’s hapless son Hunter, tried to get DOJ officials to reverse election results, tried to get several governors to do the same, and finally resorted to inciting a bunch of mental mutants to storm the Capitol and maybe hang Mike Pence, just for good measure.

In any event, neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night could stay Paying Attention from the swift completion of our annual celebration of the only two-day American holiday – the resignation and next-day departure of paranoid sociopath Richard M. Nixon. It gives us no pleasure to admit that Nixon’s seemingly horrendous abuse of power has since paled in comparison to the double-dipping douchebag Donald Turmp who tried to, and continues to try to destroy American democracy itself. Two impeachments were not enough to short-circuit Mad King Donald. His filth goes marching on.

Do you know where you were on August 8, 1974?

Those Who Don’t Learn From History Are Doomed To Fuck It Up For The Rest Of Us

Before we regale you – or perhaps gale you for the first time – with this year’s brand-new verses of the old holiday favorite ‘Twas The Night Before Resignation, on Day 2 of Resignation Day(s), here are a few highlights from the ghost of Resignation Day(s) past.

Here is the original long-lost text as presented in 2008…

I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year.  It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being my favorite American holiday and all.  I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, and I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all.  But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep the tradition alive.  Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

‘Twas the night before Resignation

‘Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" 

A snippet from 2011…

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Dickie's Such An Asshole

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of Resignation Day(s) 2021.

From all your unimpeachable sources at Paying Attention: Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff, Allison Wundarland, Ann T. Soshal and our intern – Yuno Hoo, we hope you’re enjoying Resignation Day(s) 2021.