Rent-A-Coma - New Improved

 

You Deserve A Break Today...And Maybe Forever
An Imaginary* Product For Surreal Times

October 4, 2026

With only one month until the frighteningly critical 2026 midterm elections, are you still worried that our dystopian present is poised to decompose into a dystopianer future? Are you that all the encouraging poll numbers are going to go up in schmuck? Remember when in 2024 Death-To-America Don told a gathering of hypocritical Christians:

“Get out and vote. Just this time. You won’t have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what: it’ll be fixed, it’ll be fine. You won’t have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians…. Get out, you’ve got to get out and vote. In four years, you don’t have to vote again, we’ll have it fixed so good you’re not going to have to vote.”

Yes, that’s right folks. If you vote for Trump and he wins, no more voting. Now he has “promised” $5,000 to every adult if his Fascist/Trump/Epstein/Sedition Party keeps control of America.

We are happy to announce our new and improved RENT-A-COMA formula – now with anti-fascism crystals. This could be one of the most important ways of coping with the burgeoning fascist uprising.

Like the COVID virus he nurtured, Trump is also an airborne toxin

  It’s His Party And You Can Cry if You Want To

                 DOEs your brain scream
     Bruised with numb surprise?

  Why waste your precious time doomsday prepping?

From the really terrific people who brought you Votegra™ for Electile Dysfunction as well as the Moron-o-Tron Mental Detector™ for fewer morons and more intelligent elections …

It’s not a drug, it’s not Covfefe, it’s a way of life. And it’s easy to pronounce and spell. Sure there’s a pill to get you in the mood, but why call it a drug? What? Are you obsessed with facts and reality? That is so pre-Trump. We have just what the doctor (before he had his “medical” license revoked) ordered.

     Are your emotions frazzled?

Would you like to simply check out for a few days, weeks or years and wake up fresh as a daisy in 2035 or maybe 2525 (if man is still alive)?

Would you like to do it safely without risking damage to your vital organs and precious bodily fluids? Does this even matter anymore?

Finally, there is a way to protect your mind – if nothing else – from President Death

What you need is
Rent-A-Coma^™

Doesn’t this sound appealing?

Doesn’t this look peaceful?

It isn’t suicide. It’s just a time-out. The massive hospital expenses will be partially offset by the great savings you’ll realize thanks to the punishing Trumpflation. Plus, much if not none of it will be covered by whatever the fuck the Fascist/Trump Party pukes are pretending will replace Obamacare. Many people believe their plan is to replace health care with drive-by shootings.

Don’t get stuck in alt-reality without a viable exit strategy.

Our state-of-the-art resting facilities are in full compliance with all current regulations. Also, RENT-A-COMA is perfectly safe to use in the comfort of your own home, but it’s best to have someone nearby to monitor your bliss. Our promise to you is that when these regulations, as all regulations, are rescinded as Trump and the Republican’ts slash everything not aimed at helping the wealthiest Americans, we will maintain the highest standards required by law…when there was law.

CAUTION: The desire to remain comatose may be habit forming

Here’s what people are saying about RENT-A-COMA:

       BHO from Hawai’i: “                                   ”

       SJG from Pennsylvania: “                                                 !”

       JRB and Dr. JB from Delaware: “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

       NP from San Francisco: “I tried. I really tried, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed a break from surreality. RENT-A-COMA …zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

When we introduced RENT-A-COMA we were not prepared for the pure idiocy and galactic mayhem that was about to unfold. We simply wanted to help people still tethered to reality to avoid the ravages, indignities and insidious fascism of the impending Trump Regime. We had no idea how absolutely unprecedented and disastrous Der Furor would be. No one could have anticipated how high the demand would be, and we sold out in minutes. Add to all of Trump’s epoxy-“haired” lunacy Senate majority zombie Mitch McConnell’s super-secret assault on health care in America, and no matter how much RENT-A-COMA we produce, the demand will surely outpace the supply at least as long as Clear-And-Present-Danger J. Trump continues to draw breath. So act now, or forever wake up screaming in the middle of the night, either at the thought of another Trump administration, or the actuality of one. With RENT-A-COMA you won’t even know what hit you. And you won’t want to.

Ask your doctor or Magic 8 Ball if Rent-A-Coma is right for you, or just go get some. It’s all good. If you have a pulse and an IQ, you probably need RENT-A-COMA. And no prescription is necessary, just a credit card, or some form of electronic transfer of funds (no bitcoin, whatever the fuck that is, accepted).

Call right now: 800-NOT-HERE
Operators are standing by…but not many because most of them have already taken advantage of their perks – free samples of Rent-A-Coma – and the rest of them are sure to follow.
I know I am.

_________________________________________________
*Or is it?

And if you’re not willing to risk waking up, or want to be prepared if waking up turns out to be a horrific mistake, stock up on ENDITOL. You won’t be sorry…at least not after using ENDITOL.

On November 4^th* ask your doctor if the afterlife is right for you.
Ask for ENDITOL by name.

Take two (or ten, or whatever) and forget about the mo(u)rning

It’s always good to be prepared.