Russian Around Like a Turkey With Its Head Cut Off

Impeachment Hangs in The Air Like a Snowpocalypse

January 17, 2019

Let the record show that he was, in fact, a lying fucking crook.

As you, unless you are in a coma – voluntarily or otherwise – probably know, new stories have emerged about the FBI’s counterintelligence investigation into whether or not Donald J. Chrump was working on behalf of Vladimir Putin during and after his presidential campaign.  You are likely asking yourself – and anyone within earshot, “Whatever, who the hell doesn’t already know that?”  The Idiot King practically demanded he be investigated when he told Lester Holt – on national television – in May of 2017, that after talking to himself about himself, he decided to fire James Comey because of “that Russia thing.”  There have been countless other reasons to investigate Chrump’s subservience to Russia of course, but that one is pretty tough to beat, as far as irrefutable evidence.  To Chrump’s credit, he is working diligently on it.  This seems to be the only thing he is actually working on.  Many people are hoping his hard work pays off.

Chrump is also working extremely hard to advance Russian interests now that he is in the White House, while simultaneously seeing to it that the American government remains shut down for no good reason.  Only Republican’ts are hoping this hard work pays off.  After all, they have been trying to stop our government from working for decades.

The day after what many are calling a “bombshell” (fingers crossed) report in the New York Times, Chrump the Cowardly Liar scurried to his happy place at Fux News. Fux host/lunatic Jeanine Pirro, presumably planning to toss her fellow lunatic Donald Chrump the softest of softball questions, croaked, “I’m going to ask you, are you now or have you ever worked for Russia, Mr. President?”  Chrump went on a tirade covering much ground, but not including the one-word answer Pirro was likely expecting – NO.  Chrump offered up his usual smorgasbord of crazy talk, but never said NO.  He attacked Comey, the press, the FBI, Mueller, Santa Claus and the Milky Way, but he never uttered the word NO. 

At least he is not a crook…just kidding…totally kidding.

Two days after the Pirro fiasco, after everyone in the world, with the exception of Fux News, expressed absolute shock that Putin’s Plant, the man who lies more than he breathes – and much more easily – could not manage to clearly, succinctly deny working for Russia, Chrump finally lied publicly from the White House lawn, “I never worked for Russia.  Not only did I never work for Russia, I think it’s a disgrace that you even asked that question because it’s a whole big, fat hoax.”  One assumes he was responding to his own reflection when he uttered the words “big, fat hoax.”

This guy.

Nothing* is More Counter-intelligent Than Chrump  

Given these latest revelations, many people are wondering why Trump went out of his way to ensure that no records of his meetings with Russian President Vladimir Putin exist?   Odds are he ate them, which he has been known to do to destroy evidence.  And why he gave classified information to Russians in the Oval Office? And if he has serious, significant, irreversible brain damage?

I have a very, very large uh-brain.

Trump went to extraordinary lengths to conceal his conversations with Putin.  On at least one occasion he confiscated the notes of his own interpreter (the only non-Russian permitted to attend the meeting – Huh?) with instructions (threats?) not to discuss what they had witnessed, not even with other administration officials.  Clearly, nothing suspicious going on.  Fortunately for Chrump, the Kremlin is there to back him up.  On Wednesday, top Russian officials dismissed allegations that Chrump could have worked for Moscow’s interests, as “absurd” and “stupid.”  But were they talking about the allegations or about Chrump himself?  We may never know.

Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the meeting transcripts that are missing.  I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.

__________________________
*Grammarians would insist this should be “No one”, but I must respectfully disagree.  That would imply sentience.

I. Mangrey reveling.  Lock him up, lock him up, lock him up.  And do it on TV.      

                                                                                              

Fraught For The Day

State Of The Unhinged

January 16, 2019

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has decided to exercise her authority in a unique manner.  Citing security issues resulting from the Ever Widening, Disgustingly Disgraceful Chrump Shutdown, Pelosi has disinvited the qresident from delivering the State of the Union address in person unless Chrump and McConnell end this pathetic tableau forthwith. 

Changing the SOTU to a STFU is a particularly good idea at this time considering the fact that Chrump’s personal Duke of Darkness Stephen Miller was in the White House attic drafting a speech that blames the Democrats for Chrump’s shutdown.

The Speaker told reporters, “He can make it from the Oval Office if he wants.”  Pelosi also granted that Der Furor might present it in writing – as was customary up until the presidency of Woodrow Wilson.  Now they are done in front of a joint session of Congress on national television, but seriously, who the hell wants to look at this bloated cheese puff for more than 30 painful seconds at a time anyway.  Pelosi probably did not say, “It would be just as well if Mr. Chrump parked himself on his toilet and tweeted the damn thing if you ask me.  It’s not like he has anything constructive to say.  He’ll probably try to blame Democrats for the shutdown he told America he would proudly own and not blame us for, because it would be so beautiful…like his dumbass wall.”

“Either you stop your shutdown or you can just stay in your room, mister.”

 

This has been your Paying Attention Fraught For The Day.

You're welcome.

What has you fraught for the day?

Thought For The Day

At Least They’re Consistent

January 15, 2019

Congressputz Steve King (R-KKK), in a piece published in the New York Times last week, posed the question many Americans are (unfortunately) asking, “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization – how did that language become offensive?”  Many more Americans are asking, “How the fuck have the people of Iowa elected King to the House of Representatives nine times?”

Steve King, relaxing on his day off

In other news of great white dopes, Chrump’s most recent National Security Adviser, (who replaced H.R. McMaster, who replaced admitted felon/foreign agent Mike Flynn), reportedly “asked the Pentagon to provide the White House with military options to strike Iran last year, generating concern at the Pentagon and State Department.”  Generating concern among sane, non-warmongering people is nothing new for Bolton. 

Daniel W. Drezner, a professor of international politics at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University, tweeted:

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

Chrump’s Super Duper, Ever Changing Liquid Wall

It’s Really a Gas

January 11, 2019

You would not be faulted for having a difficult time keeping up with Chrump’s ever changing, magical mystery “wall.”  It will be beautiful concrete.  It will be steel slats.  It will be a hologram.  It will be made of moon cheese.  Or maybe phlogiston. 

It will be a 30-foot high wall.  It will be electrified fencing.  It will be a barrier of some sort.  It will be made out of whatever passes for Chrump’s hair.  If you believe hard enough, it will keep all the Mexican criminals and rapists (all six of them apparently) from flooding into our country.  It will be a vague idea.  It will be a Schrödinger’s* wall – both there and not there at the same time. 

This wall or fence or barricade or giant shower curtain will cost $4 or $5B…or $6B…or $7B…or $8B…or $10 to $12B or $18B…or $25B. (all numbers Der Furor has provided, in chronological order, by the way)

Mexico will pay for the wall.  “It's an easy decision for Mexico: make a one-time payment of $5-10 billion to ensure that $24 billion continues to flow into their country year after year.” (March 2016)  “They’ll pay, in one form or another. They may even write us a check when it’s said and done.” (April 13, 2016)  “When I said Mexico would pay for the wall in front of thousands and thousands of people... obviously I never meant Mexico would write a check.” “When I say Mexico is going to pay for the wall, do you think they’re going to write a check for $20B or $10B or $5B or two cents? No.” (January 10, 2019) Eventually, you will be convinced that it looks like Mexico paid for the wall in some way or other.  Or not.

You’ll want to suck down every last drop.
You might as well, you’re paying for it.

This is a real clip from a real show in 1958

Speaking of real video, you’ll never guess who said this: “Never, ever give up.  Don’t give up.  Don’t allow it to happen.  If there’s a concrete wall in front of you, go through it, go over it, go around it.  But, get to the other side of that wall.” 

Donald J. Trump, Professional Idiot - May 21, 2004

Oopsie

Fun fact: it turns out Chrump’s very, very large, very beautiful, see-through steel slats are no match for a power saw.  You cannot even cut Chrump’s “hair” with a power saw, at least not without serious risk of injury.

__________________________
*Schrödinger's cat is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935.  The scenario presents a cat that may be simultaneously both alive and dead, a state known as a quantum superposition.

I. Mangrey reporting and not reporting.

Tantrums R Him

Crisis at The Border (Between Chrump and Reality)

January 9, 2019

Chrump continues his stunning and futile attempts to hide from Robert Mueller’s everlasting gobstopper investigation behind his big, beautiful, invisible wall of steel slats, or unicorns, or marshmallows or whatever.  His wall is a hoax, a fake, a joke – just like Chrump himself.  Chrump’s very, very imaginary uh-wall will not impede the real walls closing in on him, his collusion-soaked campaign to hand America over to Vladimir Putin, and his criminal family. 

Desperately seeking to turn the spotlight away from his impending indictment and all the excitement over the 116^th Congress taking over, Der Furor decided to flex his awful orifice in the Oval Office in prime time.  Chrump managed to keep himself focused long enough to read some words someone put in front of him, trying desperately to foment fear and loathing within his ignorant racist base, and whip up support (and campaign donations) for his wall-or-nothing shutdown.

Chrump distresses the nation from the Oval Office

 

Chrump may not look like a rug (after all, he is anything but flat), but he lies like one, and he looks like he has one covering his empty head.  Last night the lies flowed from Chrump’s face sphincter like so much toxic waste from any number of chemical manufacturers into the ocean of public opinion.  His believers believe it all.  His detractors – the majority of Americans – know better.  Nevertheless, he persists.  Like a tick.  He will continue to suck the precious bodily fluids from his victims, until he explodes.  Like all good ticks, he leaves behind poisons, some of which can debilitate or even kill.  Personally, I can already feel the sickness coursing through my brain.  Your mileage may vary.

After his nap, worn out from all that reading for nine minutes, Chrump ran straight to Fux News and told his BFF Sean Hannity, “I have the best shutdowns ever.  This is my third one already and in a day or so I’ll have the record, the longest shutdown ever.  Is this great or what?  Nobody knows more about shutdowns than me.  All the people who are not getting paid because of my big, beautiful shutdown are very happy.  They’re selling things they never really needed, to get money – like their cars, furniture and some I hear are unloading some extra children.  Who needs all those kids?  After all, they cost a lot of money.  And what do they give in return?  Unless there’s a really hot daughter involved, who really cares?  I would have sold Eric, and probably Don, Jr. if I needed the money.  No big deal.  Everyone loves what I’m doing – making America so great again – and I’m more popular than ever.  Believe me, I know.  Nobody knows how popular I am better than me.”

After his nationally televised tantrum, Chrump met with Republican leaders – who are finally growing somewhat weary with their dear leader – and then held a private tantrum with Schumer and Pelosi.  Pelosi responded in the negative when asked if she would give Chrump his wall money after he agreed to reopen the government.  Little Donny Douchebag reportedly slammed the table and stormed out of the room, immediately running to his toilet to tweet:

One of the most awesome lies to emerge from last night’s Oval Office tantrum was Chrump saying the wall would pay for itself.  It is clear that Mexico will not pay, and it is clear that the American public does not want to pay for it, so Chrumpo the Magnificent assured us that the wall would pay for itself.  Apparently, the wall is either going to leave home and get a job, or is going to become a national park/monument, thereby bringing in billions of dollars in tourist money.  Or maybe the wall will get a few billion dollars from its father.

You’ll love my new Liquid Wall

I. Mangrey resenting.

He Is the Egg Man

Chrumpty Dumpty Redux

January 8, 2019

The very low IQ Donald Chrump continues his desperate attempt to figure out how he can safely cave on his promise of a big, beautiful concrete wall that, according to Der Furor, “maybe someday they’re gonna call it the Chrump Wall.  Maybe.”  A wall that most Americans – even more than the number who never wanted Chrump, let alone his fake wall – do not want.  A wall that most experts say is unnecessary.  Now he is yammering about steel slats.  One would be excused for thinking that Donny just likes the sound of the word steel, since that is how he made most of his money.  One might also be excused for thinking that he is unaware that there are two words that sound the same, but are spelled differently. 

The best* part is, the whole wall idea came from Chrump’s babysitters.  It was clear early on that the Orange Gas Cloud was simply too stupid to remember what he was supposed to talk about.  They came up with the idea of the word “wall” to help him remember to talk about stopping immigrants – like his grandfather and some of his wives, one of whom very likely entered this country illegally.  Hey, remember when candidate Chrump promised to provide documentation explaining exactly how Melanie – or whatever her name is – entered the United States?  Never happened.  Maybe she is under some sort of mythical audit and cannot release such sensitive information.

Chrump’s advisors knew that their boy wonder loved to brag about what a great builder he was.  They, as he, were willing to ignore the fact that he rarely bothered to pay the actual builders once he got his name plastered on the shell of each of his crappy, made-in-China edifices.  

One week after Chrump’s American Carnage inauguration, Chrump tried to threaten then-Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto over the one idea Chrump was able to remember from his horrendous campaign.  His, as former Mexican President Vicente Fox called it, “fucking wall.”  Chrump told Peña Nieto, “From an economic issue, it is the least important thing we were talking about.  Psychologically, it means something.”  Chrump added, “The fact is we are both in a little bit of a political bind, because I have to have Mexico pay for the wall – I have to.  If you are going to say that Mexico is not going to pay for the wall, then I do not want to meet with you guys anymore because I cannot live with that.”

That was then, this is now.  Chrump is still fixated on this one thing. 

_________________________________

*Best, as in horribly tragic, depressing and pathetic. 

Chrumpty Dumpty wanted a wall,
Chrumpty Dumpty didn’t really want a wall, he just wanted to win over the racist Tea Party wing of the hateful Republican’t party, after all

All the king’s assholes, most of them men -  
white men who hate poor people, women, non-white men and democracy,
will never come close to making America great again.

Chrumpty Dumpty says, “Build the Wall. And who’s gonna pay for it? Nobody. Once the wall is built I will just tell them they did a lousy job and not pay them. It works every time, except when I settle, which I never do, except most of the time.”

I. Mangrey waiting for the Orange Gas Cloud to spew from the Oval Office.  Feh.

When Donny Met Nancy

Ballsy Woman v. Pussy Man

January 6, 2019

I am not a big Pelosi fan, but I have no doubt that she is one tough customer.  I must admit to being impressed watching her interact with El Chrumpo.  I look forward to watching her (with any luck, literally) grab him by his shriveled little balls.  To paraphrase candidate Donald Chrump, “When you’re Speaker of the House, they let you do it.  You can do anything.”  Chrump is a coward and a weakling (and those are his best traits) and has no idea how to deal with a woman, other than grabbing them by the whatever.  Pelosi will screw him every which way, including Sunday, and Donny will not be able to throw $130K at her to keep her quiet.  And Pelosi will not throw $5B at Chrump so he can build his giant penis…I mean, wall – or however he is trying to brand it today.

It is no surprise that talk of impeachment is escalating.  After all, Donald Chrump is not only still qresident, but he is still Donald Fucking Chrump.  Every second of every day, more and more people find this intolerable.  There are very few remedies for cutting a presidency short.  One is the 25^th Amendment – added after JFK’s shortened tenure.  The other is the only one sanctioned by the founders – impeachment.  Natural causes led to the early exit of several presidents.  Abraham Lincoln, James A. Garfield, William McKinley, and John F. Kennedy each had his time in office shortened by somewhat less natural means.  Although, in today’s America, nothing is more natural than being shot to death.

Rub it on, rub it in, rub him out

Freshman Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) recounted a conversation with her son.  “When your son looks at you and says, Mama, look, you won, bullies don't win, and I said baby, they don't, because we are going to go in there and impeach the motherfucker.

For his part, Chrump simply cannot understand what the problem is.  The problem is, Chrump simply cannot understand…well, anything.  Yale Psychiatry Professor Bandy X. Lee, who has long argued that Trump’s behavior is pathological, had this to say about our deranged “leader”,  “but even the president has the right to treatment by law, and the nature of mental pathology is that the sicker one is, the less likely one is to recognize that anything is wrong and will avoid testing and treatment at all cost.”

Not only that, but Mr. potty-mouth was simply aghast at Tlaib’s tone (I kid you not), “I thought her comments were disgraceful. This is a person that I don’t know. I assume she’s new.  I think she dishonored herself, and I think she dishonored her family…I thought it was highly disrespectful to the United States of America.”  Puleeeeeze.

Meanwhile…

Thanks to the Chrump Shutdown many federal workers are on day 14 without pay.  Ironically, hundreds of senior Chrump political appointees are poised to receive annual raises of about $10,000 a year.  These raises are set to take effect today, unless legislation stops it.  Need some more irony?  The shutdown short-circuited a continuance of the 2013 pay freeze, thereby allowing the pay hike for cabinet secretaries, deputy secretaries, top administrators and even Vice Enabler Mike Pence.   Heroic homunculus Pence bravely offered to forego his pay raise during the shutdown.  I assume he will still collect his old paycheck without batting a barely pigmented eyelid.  Some 800,000 other federal employees are not afforded such an option.

Chrump invited Democrats to another wall-or-nothing tantrum, where, according to Chuck Schumer, he said he would “keep the government closed for a very long period of time – months or even years,” if he does not get his precious wall.  Later, Chrump proudly admitted to saying that, adding, “I’m very proud…I don’t call it a shutdown.”  One assumes he is giving himself an A⁺ for his powerful shutdown performance.

And Finally…

Chrump opened yesterday’s tantrum with Congressional leaders with a 15-minute profanity-laced tirade.  The Tiny-brained-wiper-of-other-people’s-bottoms-in-chief said he prefers not to call it a shutdown, he wants to call it a “strike”.  I will keep my profanities to a minimum, and I prefer not to call him a president, I want to call him a schmuck.  What a senseless waste of human life.

I. Mangrey recoiling.                                                                                                

                                                                            

An Idiot On A Fool’s Errand

Who's Gonna Pay For The Wall?  America.

January 4, 2019

Donald Chrump, fresh off his holiday home-alone adventure, summoned Democratic congressional leaders to the Situation Room (presumably to show he was super serious) to repeat his pathetic, ridiculous demand for $5B for his ridiculous, pathetic cement wall.  Democrats explained their plan to at least temporarily fund the government, including border security. 

WTF  This is not photoshopped. 
Just pathetic little Donny at his fake summit earlier this week. 
With his “menacing” poster intended to intimidate Democrats?
It did not work.  WTF

During the negotiations, Schumer repeatedly asked Chrump why he opposed that approach.  Unsurprisingly, the Orange Gas Cloud had no answer.  Eventually, after Schumer asked the Child-in-chief a third time why he would not accept the offer, Chrump finally responded, “I would look foolish if I did that.”

Really?  This is what you worry will make you look foolish?  I know you have a mirror.  Have you seen your "hair"?  Have you heard a single word you've said over the past two years?  Have you ever had a chance to read any of your tweets?  What happened to your very, very large uh-brain?  Are your brain spurs are acting up again?  Did it ooze out while you were sleeping again? 

Does This “Hair” Make Me Look Stupid?

 

But seriously, you’re suddenly worried about looking foolish?  Do you even know what 'foolish' means?  Did you know there's a picture of you in the dictionary next to the word?  Of course not, that would involve reading something other than one of your tweets.  But, there is a picture of you there, so it might be worth checking out.  Maybe Ivanka can sit on your lap and read it to you.  

In the inimitable words of Dick Cheney, “Go fuck yourself.”

I. Mangrey reporting.                                                                        

                                                                         

       

 

Donald Chrump - Giving America The Business

He Is Not Merely Morally Bankrupt

January 3, 2019

He told us he was a great businessman.  The best.  He told us over and over and over what a great deal maker he was.  And how rich he was.  And smart?  Don’t get me started.  That, like Chrump, is a no-brainer.

He did not talk about his unique ability to bankrupt casinos.  He did mention that he was “the king of debt.”  As if that was an attribute.  Another great example of how unfit this yahoo is for anything, and apparently just one more reason for millions of idiots to vote for him for the highest office in the land.  Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

“After I won, obviously, I didn’t do business (one of his almost 8,000 lies).  In theory I could run my business perfectly (another lie) and then run the country perfectly (blatant lie). There's never been a case like this (that’s for fucking sure).” November 22, 2016

 “But when I run for President, that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to do business.  I was doing a lot of different things when I was running [several of them even legal].” November 29, 2018

The Godless Un-father makes America an offer he doesn’t understand

Analysts report that many farmers were already producing beyond demand before Chrump escalated the trade war with China.  The rate of bankruptcies among farms is rising steeply in the upper Midwest due to falling revenues from corn, soybeans, milk and other products.  Mark Miedtke, president of Citizens State Bank in Hayfield, MN said, "We’re waiting for the tariff problem to go away.”  The tariff problem can be summed up in two words: Donald Chrump.  So, I guess we are all waiting for the tariff problem to go away.  Chrump’s tariff tantrum has exacerbated an already bad situation.  I guess you have to go with your strengths.

Chrump predictably fired off a series of reckless tweets berating and threatening General Motors after they announced layoffs and plant closings late in 2018.  The company's stock lurched downward by more than two percent in response to Chrump’s idiotic, irresponsible, electronic brain farts.

No one knows for certain how many times Chrump whined about his big, beautiful wall meant to keep all the Mexican criminals, rapists and small children from entering the United States.  There is even less certainty regarding how many times he and his mindless minions chanted that Mexico would pay for the wall.  One now must assume that by Mexico, Chrump meant the American tax payers.  Does he also think all Americans are criminals and rapists?  Chrump’s latest effort to get Mexico to pay for the wall was to shut down the federal government.  As part of this ingenious plan, Chrump threatened to shut down our southern border.  CBSNews estimated that closing the border would cost up to $1B a day.  All this because Prezident No-Brainer wanted $5B to fund the wall-that-hardly-anyone-wants-that-Mexico-is-going-to-pay-for.

“Are these wall swatches beautiful or what?”

Many people are saying that Chrump thought he was shutting down the Mexican government.  “If they don’t pay for the wall, I will shut the government down.  As president of the world, I can do many things that most people don’t know about.  No one knows more about these things than Chrump.  It is time to pay for this very important wall – which I am now referring to as ‘love curtains’, by the way – before it’s too late.  We are making a lot of money on this shutdown…I know I am.”  When Chrump realized he was shutting down the U.S. government he said, “Well, most of the federal workers who are affected by this excellent shutdown are either Mexicans or Democrats anyway, so what’s the big deal anyway?  Besides, none of this is my fault anyway, so why should it bother me?”

Der Furor, as he makes clear every few minutes, does not believe in climate change because he “can’t see it.”  A recent government (of which Republican’ts control all three branches) report said that climate change will cost the U.S. economy hundreds of billions of dollars by the end of the century, damaging everything from human health to infrastructure and agricultural production.  And, no one is better at losing billions of dollars than the self-proclaimed King of Debt, Donald Chrump.  Not to be bullied by a bunch of scientists and facts, the Chrump White House dismissed the (Republican’t majority Congress’) congressionally mandated reported as inaccurate.

No Parking

In a fitting metaphor, our nation’s national parks are coming to mirror the Chrump administration.  Thanks to the Chrump shutdown, human feces, overflowing garbage, illegal off-roading and other damaging behavior in fragile areas are beginning to devastate some of America’s iconic national parks, as Chrump's wall-or-nothing shutdown did not bother to close the greatly understaffed parks.  As if the damage inflicted by Chrump’s disgraced, scandal-soaked now-ex-Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, was not horrific enough. 

Needless to say, and therefore necessary to repeat over and over to Chrump supporters, addressing the global climate crisis is a win-win for business, workers and the American economy.  So, no surprise Chrump is dead set against doing anything.

By the way, if the Democrats are smart, they will immediately rebrand “climate change” as “climate crisis.”  Republican’ts learned that renaming things – like replacing “estate tax” with “death tax” – changed the public perception.  Unlike Republican’t attempts at conning the public with fake wording, ‘climate crisis’ has the possible advantage of being more accurate.  It is time to turn the tables and try to make it easier for all the stupid Americans to take this seriously.

“Whose house is this house?  Where did it come from?
Who gets to keep it? No one knows.”

For some reason, our fake prezident has stopped talking about the Stock Market.  Could the reason be that we just had the worst December since the Great Depression?  Maybe that is what Chrump meant by making America Great Again – another Great Depression – the greatest.  If anyone can do it, Chrump is the guy.  He already has most Americans greatly depressed.  There is no doubt he can do the same for the American economy. 

“My pockets are the fullest of anyone’s.”

I. Mangrey repulsed.