Carpe Dumbass

The Reign Is Falling

December 15, 2020

First things first. Joe Biden continues his record-breaking string of election victories. Yesterday the Electoral College affirmed what Donald Chrump once described this way: “We had a massive landslide victory, as you know, in the Electoral College, I guess the final number is 306 and [my opponent] is down to a very low number.” This makes it approximately 50 times that Biden has defeated Chrump, forcing him into early retirement and rescuing America from certain death. No other candidate in history has beaten his opponent so many times in a single election. SAD.

People talk about Chrump Fatigue Syndrome – the feeling of hopelessness, despair and crushing ennui resulting from the sheer volume of insane conspiracy theories, hatred, fascism and stupidity with which we have been faced every minute of every day at the tiny hands of creation’s latest attempt to disprove, or at least negate the value of the existence of God – Donald Chrump.

We are living with battered life syndrome. America is suffering mental, emotional and now, thanks to the Chrumpvirus pandemic, physical abuse. But many Americans seem unable, and in many cases unwilling to free ourselves from our abuser. Many of us want to just look away, walk away and get away. As far and as fast as possible, in order to hold on to our last shreds of sanity and humanity. If you have not felt yourself harboring all manner of bad thoughts toward various individuals who voted for, enabled, excused and exulted Chrump, then you are either a very spiritual individual or completely oblivious to reality – the former to be showered with praise, the latter to be pummeled with abuse.

Just the other day, a Quaker friend of mine bared his pained soul, realizing that the only way to make progress with the tens of millions of COVID-coddling kooks is for some among them of high station to succumb to the deadly virus. And not just Herman Cain level; someone more currently important to their malevolent movement. But of course, those of special position are privy to treatments unavailable to us hoi polloi. Chrump and those he deems worthy are treated to cures you and I will likely never see.

The COVID-19 vaccine is still months away for most Americans, and most Chrumpians still refuse to listen to medical experts, preferring instead to get infected and infect the rest of us. With winter coming on, maybe it would be a good idea to give some cozy blankets loaded with coronavirus to all those deserving millions of mask-averse, virus deniers in all those red states. It’s the humane thing to do. They love the virus after all. They either think it doesn’t exist, claim not to care if they get it, or both. I say let them have it.

This is all a no-brainer to me. Just as surely as Charles Manson belongs behind bars for the deaths of Sharon Tate, et al, despite never having personally committed a single murder, Chrump, et al deserve the same consideration for their relentless complicity in the deaths of what will soon be 500,000 of our fellow citizens. Even if they hadn’t flaunted their station by accepting treatment unavailable to most. This behavior might be considered to be even worse than Hillary Clinton’s inappropriate use of email servers; that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Caveat Ex-prez

Gerald Ford and Barack Obama refused to hold their respective predecessors accountable for egregious acts against the Constitution and the American people (not to mention the countless deaths of Americans and others directly attributable to both). Each in his own time said we must look forward, not back. It worked very poorly in both cases. You cannot move forward very well without as reasonable assessment of where you’ve been. If you don’t know where you’ve been, and don’t clean up the messes you left behind, what makes you think you have any idea where you’re going next or why?

If more proof that these decisions to ignore the gross misbehavior of presidents once they were out of office are dangerous, and did nothing instill in the public that the Constitution is real and has real meaning, I give you Dick Cheney and Donald Fucking Chrump. These are the kinds of people you get when it is made clear that there is no accountability for crimes against the nation or against humanity. The messes made by Nixon and Bush II are not the kind you can just walk away from. They stick to your shoe like a contemptuous streamer of toilet paper.

He wears it well. You know someone had to put it there, there’s 

no way he wipes his own ass with those little hands.

To be fair, Chrump is not like toilet paper hitching a ride on America’s shoe as the country steps lively, attempting to ditch the stowaway. Chrump is more like stepping in an extra-large dollop of dog shit. If you don’t clean that shit off your shoes, you’ll just end up tracking all over your house. I hope you don’t have any fancy carpets.

President Death Strikes Again

Chrump decided he wasn’t killing enough people with his pet virus, so he murdered a black man in prison since the age of 18 for being adjacent to a murder. Many had asked for a stay of execution for this unfortunate man, but alas, worst of all to Chrump's mind, he was black.

I. Mangrey repapering.

Chrump’s Campaign-Capping Chores

To Do Or Not To Do, That Is The Question. Not.

December 13, 2020

El Presidon'te

Donald Chrump’s cult of malignant personality rages on. Having exhausted all legal means, such as they were, of defying the will of the people, Chrump – in typical Republican’t fashion – after failing to prevail using their normal anti-democratic antics of suppressing, purging and gerrymandering the life out of the electoral process, were forced to resort to, as they say in the business, making shit up. Given the current medieval state of affairs in this country, the conspiracy theories and outright lies injected into the already addled minds of the Chrumpublican true believers has led to the powder keg we now face.

Chrump supporters coming to grips with election results

It looks like the Supreme Court, unable to fudge the election without it looking more obviously fabricated than Donald Chrump’s fake hair and his clown-like face coloring. The last “best” appeal by 17 attorneys general, attempting to have the votes from numerous swing states Chrump lost simply thrown out, was summarily dismissed with little more than a whimpering semi-dissent from supreme disgraces Samuel Alito and Clarence “Uncle” Thomas. It’s all over but the unending, insane, seditious tweeting.

This is an ex-president

According to reports, Donald Chrump has spent over 20 percent of his time in office at one of his golf courses. Wasting our time by shirking the job he never wanted, let alone wanted to do, and wasting our money by bilking us for making the Secret Service pay for lodging and golf cart rentals so they can follow him around while he cheats on the links.

Many, including myself, have compared Chrump to Roman Emperor Nero, who famously “fiddled while Rome burned.” Nero is purported to have reveled in the beauty of the flames, offering no action to stop the devastation.

Unlike Nero, who stood by apathetically, Chrump is busy pouring gasoline on the flames. Chrump does not even have the degree of humanity Nero had, to appreciate the beauty of the flames.

Chrump is spending his final days, his last throes if you will, in office – when he is not obsessively lying and whining about how the election was fake, rigged, fixed, stolen, and the most unsecure ever – eradicating the environment, kissing the KKKonfederacy, pulverizing the postal service, riling up racists, fawning over fascists, eviscerating the economy, further fucking up foreign affairs, vilifying voting, debilitating the Defense Department, incapacitating intelligence, corroding the Constitution and generally torturing the transition process.

In a King George III-like frenzy of utter madness, Chrump has thrown himself into his "work" for the first time since taking office nearly four years ago. Not the work of the people, the country or anything vaguely concerned with managing reality, but the work of propping up Donald Chrump. And this is no easy feat. Have you seen what goes on from the neck down on that thing? I assure you it’s no better than what happens from the neck up and that is, as you know, one scary shitshow. After four years of, what by his standards passed for running the country, Chrump recently told his assembled virus fanciers, “I’ve probably worked harder in the last three weeks than I have in my life.” Really? As they say in the South when they mean something very different, “Bless his heart.”

I wish he would just shut the fuck up and fiddle.

I. Mangrey recoiling.

In Memoriam

It Was Forty Years Ago Today

December 8, 2020

John Lennon Memorial – Strawberry Fields, Central Park, NYC

December 8, 1980, another date that will live in infamy. The day legendary musician, songwriter and activist John Lennon was gunned down in front of the The Dakota apartment building in Manhattan. Further proof that, as Mike Love wrote in the Beach Boys’ Student Demonstration Time, “The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for a gun.”

John Lennon statue – Havana, Cuba

Watching The Wheels

Nobody Told Me

Gimme Some Truth

Also happens to be Jim Morrison’s birthday.

People Are Strange

An American Prayer

Peace out.

Alms For The Rich

A Man Named Sue

December 5, 2020

Hi kids! Send money to Uncle Chrumpy!!

Donald Chrump is something of a court jester. That is, most courts have seen him as a clown. Particularly now that he also has a bat-shit crazy buffoon representing him in his clownish attempts to nullify his stunning defeat at the polls and now the Electoral College. They say that anyone who represents himself in a court of law has a fool for a client. It can now be added that any client who has Rudy Giuliani heading up their legal team has a fool for an attorney.

Your honor, watch me pull a ballot out of my hat,
and my head out of my ass

Nonetheless, Chrumpy the Clown has managed to soak his pathetic, gullible, poor and poorly educated sheep (and some number of well-off ne’er-do-wells hoping to buy pardons) for over $207M (so far) since losing his bid to murder democracy in America, commonly referred to as a second Chrump term. He did not even pretend (as he did in 2016) to use his own money to not get re-elected. The money he is raking in after his gargantuan loss to Joe Biden is all going right into his otherwise empty pockets.

Please schmuck, I want some more.

Chrump’s next act will be to announce that he will be running for president in 2024. This announcement might be for real, but more likely just another con designed to keep people hanging on his every demented tweet and to take money from other people without delivering anything in return, by less-than-half-of-America’s favorite president.

Do these rubes not know about Chrump’s life-long history of ripping off contractors, customers and porn stars? Are they so divorced from reality that they don’t know he went bankrupt six times, including bankrupting three casinos? How the hell do you even bankrupt a casino?

Chrump and his companies have been sued almost 2000 times. These suits include contract disputes, defamation claims, and allegations of sexual harassment. Chrump settled an unknown number of these cases. And the lawsuits are not over by a long shot.

Fill ‘er up fools

Have they not heard of Chrump University? Did they not get the memo that he was sued for defrauding his “students?” Are they too blind, deaf and frighteningly dumb to have heard that Chrump had to settle to the tune of $25M?

Are they aware that he did not write (or read) any of his books? Or that Tony Schwartz, the actual author of The Art of the Deal, which essentially put Chrump on the map, feels such deep remorse for having done so that he donates all proceeds from the book to organizations working to protect people from the depredations perpetrated by Donald?

You’re fucked!

Did they not hear about the Chrump family’s fake charity, the one that lined the family’s pockets and was forced to close down after being taken to court? Are they too enamored of their dear Donald to know that despite claiming that he never settles lawsuits, that he constantly settles lawsuits?

Like Chrump Steaks, Chrump mortgages, Chrump Airlines, Chrump wine, Chrump vodka, and many other miserably failed attempts to pawn off crappy products and services, the Chrump presidency was just another badly failing con game. Eat his steaks, and get E. coli. Drink his wine, get diarrhea. Fly his airline…what, are you crazy. Thankfully, none of these is available any longer. Live under his presidency, and you lose your job or your mind, or die from COVID-19, or entertain thoughts of suicide. Thankfully, it appears that his Chrump presidency too will be unavailable soon.

Would I lie to you? I don't see why I wouldn't.

Can the American public, or at least that majority of Americans that has always opposed this brain-damaged racist, join a class action lawsuit and sue this treasonous conman for every last penny he may or may not have?

Would I lie to you? Can I sell you a used car? 

A bridge? Some lovely swampland?

Beck – Loser

I. Mangrey reporting. Furlough the money.

Thought For The Day

URGENT MESSAGE 

December 3, 2020 

I was recently made aware of a postcard writing campaign to get out the Georgia vote on Jan 5. Apparently, this shit works. I'm getting at least 50. This is our last shot at excising Moscow Mitch and having a prayer to recover from the depredations of Donald Chrump, his crime family, Republican’t enablers and his pet virus. 

Also, what could be better and more ironic than another way to use the United States Postal Service, which Chrump and Republican’ts have been trying to destroy, to take them down. 

Please consider joining in the fun... 

Click the link below to order your postcards today...or tomorrow...or next week - but soon, since the USPS is still under threat from Chrump & company. And please share this if you know anyone who might help.

https://postcardstoswingstates.com/?fbclid=IwAR3Nkphheq2so8Lsr47BeT277HFrHqABxKQf_CbTJ3d6VfrZSMPuR-3vT1w

There may be other groups doing this as well. 

 

This has been your Paying Attention Thought For The Day.

You're welcome.

What is your thought for the day?

Under Heavy Sedition

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Change

December 1, 2020

At this point Der Furor has lost several states multiple times, including losing Georgia five times…so far. His legal-team-that-couldn’t-sue-straight (their record is 1-39) had another “case” dismissed, this time “with prejudice” by a Chrump-appointed judge in Pennsylvania. Chrump spent $3M for a Wisconsin recount which netted an extra 87 votes for…wait for it…Joe Biden. Even after spending upwards of $34,000 per vote to expand Biden’s lead in Wisconsin, our deranged dipshit refuses to dabble in reality.

Chrump told a friendly Fux News host during one of his patented hour-long tirades, “It’s not like you’re going to change my mind. In other words, my mind will not change in six months.” In other, other words, Donald Chrump needs to spend some quality time in a padded room under heavy sedation, instead of his usual heavy sedition.

Chrump “visits” Maria Bartiromo at Fux News

Apparently, psychotic traitor Donald Chrump believes he has not screwed this country enough in the almost four years he has been destroying the health and well-being of this nation. Despite his rabid pretense that he won the election, Chrump is frantically fucking up everything he can get his tiny hands on. A partial list of Chrump’s treasonous undertakings are: troop withdrawal in Iraq and Afghanistan, stripping protections from federal workers, cutting funding for COVID-19 relief, even more environmental rollbacks, perpetrating further damage to relations with  China and very likely green-lighting the recent assassination in Iran in order to destabilize the region; and what a shame, Jared had just so brilliantly brought peace to the region. And let us not forget the relentless, ongoing effort to prop up the coronavirus.

Now that it is abundantly clear that Joe Biden will soon be the 46^th president of the United States, Chrump and his party of perfidy are not wasting any time in creating as much disruption and destruction as possible before relinquishing the Executive Branch to Joe Biden. This is not new, (let us not forget the global political devastation and domestic economic disaster perpetrated by George W. Bush) but it is usually less blatant, and not always quite so obviously purposeful. But here we are.

I guess when you vote for a misogynistic, racist authoritarian conman, and then vote for him a second time, you are not particularly upset when the country you claim to love so much crumbles in real time. There’s an old saying: Fool me once (3 second pause) shame on (3 second pause) shame on you. (5 second pause) Fool me, can’t get fooled again.

These colors don’t run…apparently, they can’t 

walk and chew gum at the same time either

What The Fuck Is Wrong With These People?

No real president, no one who actually gave even a rabbit-pellet-sized shit about this country and its citizens, would even consider the actions being taken right now by Chrumpublicans. They are standing back and standing by, while the empty head of their party destroys the very fabric of our democracy. They are complicit an yet the American electorate saw fit to hand them more seats in the House, and likely helped them maintain a majority in the Senate. WTFF.

Anyone who voted for Donald Chrump or any of his Chrumpublican underlings should be able to have access to government sponsored health care or any other government-sponsored programs, since they voted for people who are trying to kill all these programs – no Medicaid, no Medicare, no Obamacare, no food stamps or Social Security. I understand it’s their right to vote for whomever they think is best suited to govern. But when you vote against programs that provide health and security for all Americans, then you should have no problem foregoing these programs. After all, you don’t want to be a hypocrite. Right?

This is all standard Republican’t fare. Fuck everything up, particularly when there is about to be a change from an ill-gotten Republican’t president to a Democrat in the White House. Then, obstruct any and all attempts by Democrats to repair the massive damage inflicted on the nation, and then blame Dems for doing a lousy job. Lucky for Republican’ts, a huge swath of Americans are 1) unable to remember how things got so fucked up, and 2) too stupid to realize they are being conned, used and, as the saying goes – fucked with their pants up and their hands in their pockets.

According to sources inside the fun-filled White House, Chrump is planning to hold another super-spreader rally during Biden’s inauguration. It remains uncertain if an escalator will be involved, but it is believe that Delusional Donald will take this opportunity to announce his plans to run for president in 2024. Our sources tell us that he will also unveil his running mate – Ivanka, and his new slogan: Make America Mine Again, or MAMA.

By the way, if you refuse to wear a mask in public and come down with COVID-19, stay the fuck out of our hospitals. Stay home and let God take care of you.

Do I seem a bit angry? Well…

I. Mangrey refusing to take it easy. In other words, my mind will not change.

Q Speaks

Feeling Q(un)easy

November 28, 2020

Sitting in for Ted Koppel – Hunter S. Thompson

Hey, remember the Tea Party? They emerged, pretty much out of nowhere in 2009. They claimed to be opposed to big government, and federal deficits, and in favor of reducing the national debt – all things the Republican’t party claimed as their core philosophies. Funny thing, Republican’ts ballooned the federal government, deficit spending and the national debt almost routinely. Less funny thing, the Tea Party suddenly realized they had these beliefs right after America elected our first black president. What a coincidence.

The Tea Party took over much of the Republican’t Party, featuring such dim bulbs as Louis Gohmert, Steve King, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and many even lesser lights. They made a name for themselves by screaming bloody murder at town halls, freaking out about Obamacare (which was actually based on plans developed by Republican’ts). Apparently, the Tea Party became too mainstream for much of America, which has led to the emergence of a new group that makes the Tea Party look tame and sane by comparison. A group that our current IMPEACHED Fake Lame Duck president has taken a liking to, and that is currently insinuating itself into the mainstream of the Republican’t caucus.

The bizarre, insane and sociopathic conspiracy theory militia is known as QAnon. QAnon is the Tea Party on PCP, steroids, a double helping of meth and apparently the brown acid from Woodstock. These brain-damaged fruitbats pay fealty to the great, glorious, anonymous (and very possibly Russian creation designed to damage free societies by sowing irrevocable discord) Q. Their fearless (except for the fact of being unwilling to acknowledge neither his actual existence or identity) spews conspiracy theories of the “Deep State” who is hard at work undermining their lord and savior – Donald Chrump. Also, Q is responsible for spreading the insane conspiracy that Democrats are part of a cabal of Satan-worshipping pedophiles running a global child sex-trafficking ring along with the likes of Tom Hanks. No one knows exactly who Q is, but he purported to be a highly placed government official.

What these fetid followers of the one they call Q do not know, is that Q is a race of extra-dimensional beings of unknown origin who possesses incalculable power over time, space, the laws of physics, and reality itself. The Q is capable of altering the very fabric of reality to their whim  and one among them spent a good deal of time sowing chaos across the galaxy, seeming to take particular delight in heckling the Federation flagship USS Enterprise, particularly while it was captained by the great Starfleet Captain Jean Luc Picard, though I too encountered the often dangerous hijinks of Q during my very brief stint filling in for Jean Luc 300 years from now (don’t overthink it; it’s the space-time continuum Jake).

I and Q aboard the USS Enterprise

Recently, Q paid me a visit, confiding, “I have it on good authority – me, that is – that Donald Chrump has been eating people suffering from the virus that bears his name – the Chrumpvirus – in order to inoculate himself from future infections. Many people don’t know this but my intergalactic sources make it clear that this is the only way a man of his horrid physical and mental condition could possibly avoid being re-infected time and again, especially given his countless attempts to expose himself and others to the virus at rallies, election loss parties, and weekly golf outings. Since he remains in the White House, he has been able to cause the in-house chefs to deep-fry these disease-ridden unfortunates – not all of whom were deceased prior to becoming a meal for Chrump – in order to make them more palatable to this fast-food addict.” It’s not me saying this, it’s just what I’m hearing from very good, very strong and very smart intergalactic beings.

You heard it here first folks.

I. Mangrey reverberating.

Silence Of The Scams

Thanks What-ing?

November 26, 2020

Silence Of The Yams

Yes, it is technically Thanksgiving. When Americans celebrate the murder and mayhem that "bequeathed" this land to the greedy, entitled, uninvited immigrants from across the ocean. Despite the obvious allure of celebrating such momentous events, it is kind of hard to get in the mood given the current murder and mayhem that engulfs our psyches and souls. Holding my breath, anxiously awaiting the merciful death of 2020. While the year does have an immutable expiration date, the angst-ridden wildfire created, fueled and accelerated by the giant, mold-ridden and melting creamsicle Chrump, rages unabated and will continue to do so for at least 19½ days into the new year. So please forgive me if I'm not as merry or thankful as the season demands.

It remains to be seen whether Chrump has really freed his hostage. While the fat lady has in fact sung, allowing the Biden transition team access to funds and current pandemic, intelligence and national security personnel, her boss – the Fathead – continues to insist that will prevail in overturning the will of a record-breaking 80,000,000 Americans (who outvoted Chrump supporters by over 6,000,000) determined to oust America’s autocratic asshole after a single disastrous, interminable term. 

Emily Murphy has sung, abandoning hostage-taker Chrump

For now, we at Paying Attention are hedging our bets and laboring under the assumption that we are still being held hostage, despite the green screen that appears to show the light at the end of the Chrump tunnel. We’ll just have to wait and see.

For now, on to today’s story…

Ed Venture
Managing (emphasis on aging) Editor

Silence Of The Damned

Hannibal Lectern – can he be prevented from eating America?

The Republican't party has been eerily silent since Joe Biden’s historic victory over the man who defeated the entire Republican’t party and took it for his own. Very few of these spineless lizards have dared even show their faces, let alone stand up for democratically held elections, the Constitution or America by admitting that Donald Chrump was the ex-president-elect.

The GQP (Grand QAnon Party) has been enabling and covering for Chrump since he crushed their pathetic slate of losers (almost all of whom are now kissing his ass) to become their presidential nominee in 2016. The GQP continues to aid and abet their vengeful viper as he holds America hostage. Bitch McConnell and his band of racist scalawags in the Senate continue to be more than happy to help Chrump sabotage the United States in an effort to make governing as difficult as possible for the incoming Biden administration. We know all too well that McConnell is no stranger to sabotage.

Stop Shutting Up Already

Veteran Watergate reporter Carl Bernstein reached the limits of patience. Bernstein outed almost two dozen Republican’t Senators who privately (either personally or via aides) expressed their disdain for the Orange Gas Cloud, though several have found their voices long enough to deny ever saying any such thing.

Shut Up Already

It has been said that despite all the malignant missteps, profuse perfidy, definitive defeats, porn-shop-adjacent press conferences and common sense to the contrary, Rudy Giulliani still has the president’s ear. Who gives a fuck about his ear? What we really need to know is, who the fuck has the president’s brain? Clearly not Chrump himself.

I. Mangrey resounding.                                                                                                                                                                                                   

This Just In...

Turkeys In The News

November 25, 2020

Earlier today – Thanksgiving Eve – Donald Chrump pardoned one of the biggest turkeys ever pardoned by any president.

Chrump’s ex-national security advisor and Russian agent Michael Flynn

Barack Obama warned his successor of two things focus on ISIS and whatever you do, don’t hire Mike Flynn. Chrump of course had other things on his mind – primarily, undoing everything Obama did, and ignoring anything Obama said. Oh, and crowd size.

Ultimately, not too long after Chrump did in fact hire Flynn for one of the most high-profile positions in his cabinet – the one post that was beyond the reach of congressional oversight - Flynn twice pleaded guilty to lying to federal agents about his dealings with Russia. He later tried to unplead guilty to no avail. Flynn’s guilt is now irrevocably enshrined for all time, since being pardoned, by definition, admits guilt. Flynn can now be called to testify, unable to plead the Fifth, against anyone and everyone – including one Donald Chrump. Well played, sir. Fortunately, Chrump already looks good, well as good as he gets, in orange.

I. Mangrey reporting.