You Win Some, And You Refuse To Admit You Lose Some
November 11, 2022
With 100% of the votes counted in the Keystone State, Confederate cosplayer, anti-Semite and bull-goose looney Doug Mastriano has still refused to concede his crushing 14-point defeat at the
hands of Democrat Josh Shapiro.
Fun Fact: Josh is the second
Shapiro to be elected governor of Pennsylvania, though only the first to use
his actual, (very Jewish) surname
Mastriano’s misplaced pluck is
reminiscent of another brave warrior whose grasp of reality also left something
to be desired…
Armless, legless, brainless Black Knight unmasked
Neil Innes – How Sweet to Be an
Idiot
Pennsylvania voters also
rejected Trump-endorsed New Jersey resident and celebrity snake-oil salesman Mehmet
Qz.
Not to be out-dumbed, the Godfather
of Grift (who kept all the money he raised to catapult his catastrophic
candidates to victory for himself) had this exchange with a “reporter” on the
eve of the massive Red Wave/Tsunami that never happened, and may yet end up being
a Blue Happy Ending – a Blue Job, if you will:
"Reporter": You've endorsed more than 330
candidates this election cycle. Tonight, win or lose, for Republicans [her
word, not mine] um, how much of that will be because of Donald Trump?
Donald Trump: Well, I think if they win I should get all the
credit and if they lose I should not be blamed at all. Okay?
Okay. Let me know how that
works out for you, since most of them lost (including Donnie’s tiny-hand-picked election denier who was thrashed
by the now governor-elect of Massachusetts Maura Healey – the nation’s first openly lesbian
governor and the first woman to hold that office in Massachusetts).
Unlike
a certain disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection-leading and
Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president in this country, Bolsonaro voluntarily
turned over the reins of power after his defeat and a moderate hissy-fit. However,
as a shitful shoutout to his American counterfeit counterpart, Brazil’s Trumpster
Fire refused to concede. And Bolsonaro’s malignant minions did not carry out an
idiotic insurrection.
Trump (desperately applying
his patented alpha hand-squeeze) and Brazil’s Trump
Also,
we here in the northern America can expect countless Trump clone-clowns to
refuse to concede, and it is entirely possible that many if not all of these (hopefully
countless) defeated chuckleheads will throw endless Trumper tantrums, because
they have been telling us for months now that the only good election is a
Ratpublican election. Lord knows, their brainless leader still insists (though
he knows full well that he is full of shit – and it’s the shittiest shit, believe me) that
he is president and not the guy who crushed his sorry ass in the 2020 election.
So
by default, today’s Schmuck Of The Day must in fact be the schmuckiest schmuck
of every schmucking day, the one (thank God), the only (thanks again) Donald
Jew-hater Trump. The only reason we tend to feature other schmucks in this segment
is purely out of attempting to maintain variety and sanity.
I
am not saying the following to be rude or mean, just accurate. Donald Trump is
one seriously fucked up motherfucker.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.
Fuck yeah.
Ratpublicans
have no policy ideas.* A while back Bitch BcConnell (sorry, I have a cold) was
asked what Ratpublicans would do if they seized control of the House and
Senate. His response was, “That is a very good question. And I’ll let you know
when we take it back.” No one in their right mind can doubt that Ratpublicans
couldn’t care less about anything but money and power. If they did not hate
America they would not have given us Trump. They would not be trying to foist
upon us people like Herschel Walker, Doug Mastriano, Kari Lake, Mehmet Qz and
many others too painful to name. However, here is what they are planning to do
if America loses the midterms:
-
Impeach President Joe Biden. - Impeach Vice President Kamala Harris. - Impeach Attorney General Merrick Garland. - Impeach Secretary of State Anthony Blinken. - Impeach Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas.
It’s
not me saying this. All of this has been publicly stated on video. Raphael Ted
Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz and other dim bulbs in
the short-circuiting Ratpublican firmament are talking about it and spewing
forth resolutions as we speak.
They also want
to:
- Outlaw
voting for Democrats, and ultimately voting itself. - Outlaw all religions that are not radical Christian fundamentalist. - End abortion rights. - Ban books that present inconvenient truths.
Lest you
imagine there is even a hint of hyperbole in the above, Tim Michels – the GQP
candidate for governor of the very purple state of Wisconsin – not realizing he
was being recorded – actually said that “Republicans [his word, not mine] will
never lose another election in Wisconsin after I’m elected governor.”
Michels
also promised to de-certify the 2020 election results in Wisconsin once he
becomes king of the Badger(ed) State. Such a process does not exist under
current Wisconsin law, but it will all be in a day’s work once Tim Michels becomes
Governor-for-life.
This is
what democracy fascism looks like.
Kinks – Money and Corruption/I’m Your Man
In Other
News Of The Mentally And Morally Challanged…
Right-wing
talk show host, miserably-failed candidate for governor of California and current
candidate for Fascist of the Week Larry Elder thought it would be a good idea
to publicly state that Democratic voters should have their voting rights
removed. Quoth the craven, “I support term limits. Not for politicians, but for
voters. After you vote Democrat two or three times you're now disqualified from
voting.”
You are certainly
aware that any race won by Democrats will be labeled as rigged, and will be
challenged until hell freezes over. So pace your panic drinking tonight, this
could take a while.
Freak
out…
I
mean, Peace Out.
Steppenwolf – Power Play
VOTE BLUE OR END UP DYING BY YOUR OWN HAND!
____________________________________________________ *To be fair, they do have
a few. Never-ending tax cuts for the rich, irrevocable power, more mass
shootings, Christo-fascism, and stripping rights from women and voters.
I. Mangrey
reporting. I’m off to vote…while it’s still legal.
Current
polling – as these polls so often seem to do – appears to show that most Americans
trust the party that consistently fucks up the nation’s economy and drains citizens’
wallets to fix the economy and put more money in citizens’ wallets.
It is
often said (mostly by people who own boats) that a rising tide lifts all boats.
What they never mention is the fact that it simultaneously drowns the majority
of people who are on land. Prepare to tread water.
Just thought you might like to know.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact
For The Day.
Evangelical Ratpublican Texass congressional candidate Johnny
Teague published “The Lost Diary of Anne Frank,” a novel re-imagining Anne
Frank’s final days at Auschwitz. Teague thought it would be a holocaustic hoot
waste his time taking a dump on the memory of Anne Frank by fantasizing in
public about Frank finding Jesus – as if she had not been traumatized enough in
life and as if Mormons “converting” her soul wasn’t disgraceful enough in death.
There’s cultural appropriation and then there’s this infuriating
boar shit. What on Earth would inspire anyone to perpetrate such insulting
religious pornography?Isn’t it enough
that Mormons claim to convert the souls of dead Jews? And what the fuck is that
anyway? Are they insane? Do we really need such anti-Semitic porn? Isn’t the
rampant pedophilia within the Church, perpetrated by supposed men of God
disgusting enough? And don’t these radical wannabe theocratic Christo-fascists
have anything better to do with their time than to disparage the memory of Anne
Frank? And don’t they know that Jesus (if he ever existed) was born, lived, and
died as a Jew?
Pick On Somebody Your Own Sleaze
Won’t these fuckers be surprised when the little Jewish boy from
Nazareth returns to reclaim his kingdom and has a shit-fit that in his name all
of these blasphemers have usurped and perverted his life and good works (again,
if any of that ever actually happened) and tells them all to go fuck
themselves. I’ll save them some time just in case their anti-Semitic Rapture
never happens – Go Fuck Yourselves!
The only way Anne Frank might have found Jesus was if he was in
the bunk next to her in Auschwitz with the so many other European Jews at the
time.
Is that Jesus I see back there in the corner? I sure don’t see his
Dad anywhere.
Unsurprisingly,
a Federalist Society member, McConnell-selected, Trump-appointed judge overturned
an injunction against these masked MAGAts (some armed) in body armor* menacing voters by
photographing their license plates and the voters themselves, while refusing to
give their names or admit to what they are doing. Judge Michael Liburdi – who presumably
is hoping to get noticed and get himself on the Extreme Court one day – claimed
that this flagrant voter intimidation was protected under the First Amendment. Seems
more like Second Amendment bullshit to this reporter.
Today's
question is:
Remember
when assholes like these guys were whining that wearing masks threatened their
“freedoms?”
_________________________________________________________ * It makes sense that they would be wearing tactical military gear since
they are at war with reality.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Question
For The Day.
I Don't Think He's In Jersey Anymore (I Wish He Was)
October 28, 2022
Philadelphia baseball fans are
on pins and needles as their hometown professional baseball mercenaries are
mere hours away from Game 1 of the 2022 World Series. I am one of those fans –
unlike a certain candidate for senate in the Keystone State; I am also a
resident of the state – unlike a certain candidate. Unsurprisingly this fake
Pennsylvanian and phony Phillies fan is pretending to ooze onto the bandwagon
to score points with the locals.
Meh Oz dining out
How many Phillies fans do you
know who threw out the first pitch at a San Diego Padres game? How many do you
know who giddily joined in a wave at a Yankees game? And how many Pennsylvania
senate candidates never lived in Pennsylvania, and own houses in Turkey and
voted in Turkey’s elections as recently as 2020? Has Oz ever even been to a
Phillies game?
The Phillie Phanatic taking care of
business
The Philadelphia Phillies
ousted the San Diego Padres on their way to the 2022 World Series last Sunday
afternoon. Shortly after the Phillies clinched their chance to face the
post-cheating-scandal Houston Astros, some atypical tweets hit social media…
At 6:13 Eastern Time, PA State
Representative and Philadelphia native Malcolm Kenyatta tweeted
Right on cue, at 6:59 PM
Eastern Time, fake Pennsylvanian Meh Oz tweeted
Oz: Carpetbagger or Douchebagger? You make the call.
I didn’t see Fetterman disingenuously
jumping on the Phillies bandwagon – probably because he’s a perennially depressed,
yet loyal Pirates fan, and because he’s honest and was mayor of Braddock which is
a Pittsburgh suburb.
I did however see that
Fetterman posted these:
Pretty weird-ass Phillies hat
and jersey, Meh Speaking of Jersey, many New
Jerseyites are Phils fans…
A reporter on my tv
just described the race between Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker as “a
critical race.” I wonder if there’s a theory that could help provide insight
into such a contest.
Also, I just heard
Walker talking (lying again about the latest woman to accuse him of coercing
her to have an abortion after he impregnated her). Did he have a stroke or something?
Guess who’s (not) coming to the Senate
One Token Over The Line
“[W]hat happens when
the Republican Party elects and nominates Herschel Walker, an African American,
Black Heisman Trophy winner, right? Olympian. It destroys the whole [Republicans
as racists] narrative.” That’s right Senator Cracker…I mean, Graham Cracker…I mean,
Senator Graham. One of your best tokens…I mean, friends is Black. Race closed…I
mean, case racist…I mean, case closed.
“Lordy, I hope there
are tapes.” Famous Trump abettor-turned-Trump-regretter
James Comey in 2017
Famed journalist/author Bob Woodward – who was instrumental
in bringing down paranoid crook Richard Nixon (yes, it turns out he was a
crook) – apparently had an epiphany. But first he further stuffed his already
overflowing pockets by hoarding vital information. Woodward is counted among a
number of so-called journalists and other authors who managed to gain access to
Trump and then sat on information that was critical to the American electorate,
democracy and history. They did this in order to maximize their own potential
earnings by keeping this information secret until they finished writing their
self-promoting books. Fuck these assholes.
With his second book on the Trump presidency, released in
2020, Woodward regaled us with the mind-blowing proclamation that Trump was “the
wrong man for the job.” Thank goodness he told us because no one had yet
noticed, as we were all completely engrossed in Benghazi, Hillary Clinton’s
very dangerous emails and Anthony Wiener’s dick-pics. Woodward, not satisfied
with his part in allowing Trump’s deadly mishandling of the COVID-19 pandemic,
not satisfied with his aiding and abetting Trump’s dangerous, treasonous
presidency, apparently has also been sitting on audio tapes – Lordy, there are
tapes! – of conversations he had with Trump. Woodward now claims that he has
suddenly realized that Trump was not just “wrong for the country.” Now we are
supposed to believe this 50-year-veteran journalist when he says “Two years
later, I realize I didn't go far enough. Trump is an unparalleled danger.” No
fucking shit Sherlock!
And you will be whatever-the-opposite-of-shocked-is to learn
that Mr. Woodward is unashamed to show his face everywhere in support of his
new audio book disclosing, after all this time and the near-collapse of
American democracy, his years-old tapes of Donald Trump showing what we all
have known all along – that he is a dangerous, dimwitted, autocratic fabulist
who hates America almost as much as he loves himself. Nice job figuring this
out Woodward. What timely “reporting.” I almost wish this could be chalked up
to his senility or stupidity, but I’m betting it’s not. I’m going with
unmitigated greed. Woodward’s tapes are so old rumor has it they are on Betamax.
I. Mangrey reporting all the news that’s fit to keep hidden for several
years, today.
