Thursday, December 29, 2022

Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part II

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

The End (of The Year) is Near

December 29, 2022

Where We Will Have Gone From Here

It is time to pick up where we laughed off. Hopefully, you are sufficiently soused, fittingly fried, tenuously toasted, or otherwise appropriately altered as 2022 melts away like the Arctic and America’s democracy. If you had already started your Rent-A-Coma experience and are not seeing this in a timely manner, welcome back – I hope you are feeling refreshed, or at least blissfully unaware of any of the disastrous depredations that occurred while you were “out.” In any event, welcome to Part II of our annual three-part series on the way it will be in 2023. But buckle up, there’s still a very good chance of turbulence, and definitely some Turmpulence and his verbal flatulence ahead. Though with this malignant martinet, it is difficult and dangerous to get one’s hopes up, there is a new special federal prosecutor in town, a laundry list of pending charges and more than a few active investigations poised to puncture this hot-air buffoon.  


“It makes me mildly nauseous to think we
might have had some impact on the election.”
James Comey May 3, 2017

“What do you mean we, white man?”
Ed Venture December 28, 2021

February 25, 2023

Phantom Of The Capitol

Trump is finally tracked down and remanded to Capitol Police. Not having enough time or physical strength to dig himself a Saddam Hussein-type spider hole to hide in, Trump was found waist-deep in countless buckets of KFC and classified documents in the once-padlocked room where most of Trump’s stolen classified documents had been discovered almost a year ago. According to reports, a desperate Trump was dragged, kicking and screaming and foaming at the mouth, and ultimately just babbling, “I won! I won! You can’t treat the president of America this way. Did you see the size of my crowd?” and still clutching a stack of stolen documents.

He is locked in the jail below the Capitol awaiting trial. Or possibly forgotten and left to rot.


The Phantom of The Capitol – still clinging to his precious documents
(somehow, more than he came in with; where do you suppose he was hiding them?)

May 1, 2023

What's That Smell? Is That Musk?

Elon Musk shows up for his latest Twitter press conference presumably in a towel – one hopes. Apparently having not slept for several days (weeks? months?) Musk addressed his latest mass suspension of anyone who did not vote for Donald Trump twice. He repeatedly referred to his latest plaything as “Twister” and rarely opened his eyes throughout the event, ultimately having to be helped off the podium and laid in the back seat of what appeared to be a blood-stained Tesla Model X, having been almost knocked over by the vertically-opening door as he belligerently attempted to shoo away his support team. Obviously in no condition to drive, the Tesla CEO presumably engaged self-driving mode and rammed in short order into a hedge before one of Musk’s entourage replaced him behind the wheel, disabled autopilot (and Musk) and silently sped off before wreaking any further havoc.

The following day, Musk unwittingly suspended himself from Twitter. He reportedly took a vow of silence that lasted about an hour. He has incessantly been heard from since.

July 21, 2023

That's Not A Compliment

Trump wins No Balls Putz Prize for cowardly behavior in the face of his own massive stupidity, for acting below and beyond comprehension. For inciting insurrection, stealing classified documents, spending an entire year whining about his big election lie, and generally being a fascist fuckwit.

Nap Time

Go and have a nap or a concussion, maybe some Prozac or a quick round of Rent-A-Coma. There is a good chance Part III is coming soon. Get ready for the end of 2020 Part II, aka 2021. We’ve got the Magic 8 Ball in overdrive – we asked again later, survived countless hazy replies, and celebrated a surprising number of “Signs point to yes”. These are not fake predictions.  

Making predictions takes intense preparation and concentration

Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King continue bringing you the future before it gets away.

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