Monday, May 30, 2022

Thoughts For Memorial Day

These Are The Times That Fry Men’s Souls

May 30, 2022

Memorial Day in America. We observe this national holiday to remember and honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of our democracy. In defense of our commitment to protecting life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness under the umbrella of this Great Experiment, this Republic-if-we-can-keep-it. This is how Benjamin Franklin described the newborn nation when asked by Mrs. Elizabeth Willing Powel, “Well Doctor what have we got a republic or a monarchy?” as Franklin left the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia on September 18, 1787.

It is unfortunately time to add another cohort to those we memorialize every year on Memorial Day. As their numbers continue to rise day after day, year after year, we must add the many Americans who have perished as a result of the Ratpublican/NRA war – the American/Gun War – that continues to rage across this nation, to those memorialized every year on this day. 

The NRA-owned Ratpublican party continues to defend the rights of guns to wantonly take the lives of Americans on a daily basis. They defend large-capacity magazines. They defend assault-style weapons. They defend the rights of mentally ill individuals to wield weapons of mass death. They defend the rights of people to arm themselves in our streets and places of gathering without background checks, without licenses, without training, without being part of a “well-regulated militia.” They refuse to protect the rights of innocent Americans to not be mowed down in streets, to be gunned down in places of worship, in schools, or anywhere else normal people should feel free to enjoy life and liberty and pursue happiness without living in constant fear of being murdered for no reason.

Meanwhile, the NRA convention was held as planned in Texas (Coincidence?) just days after the massacre, where speakers exhibited Dali-esque creativity in blaming everything under the Sun EXCEPT GUNS for all our mass shootings. The tone-deaf/brain-dead event, featured none other than Donald Tmurp and Ted Cruz. Though he did attend a fundraiser hours after the shooting occurred, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott decided not to show up to the NRA gala in person; he was probably afraid of getting shot. No guns will be permitted in the venue. Just Gun Nuts.

Both Tmurp and Cruz trotted out Wayne LaPierre’s deranged pronouncement, “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” We now know that 19 law enforcement officers were standing outside the door to the Classroom of Death for 45 minutes – minutes that meant life and death…well, death for a number of children – held at bay by a guy with a gun on the other side of that door. So, it seems that one guy with a gun stopped 19 guys with guns, so by what now passes for logic in much of America, and according to the “thinking” of the NRA, et al, the guy inside the classroom must have been the Good Guy with the gun.

The defense rests.

A child protesting outside the NRA gunfest: his sign asks
AM I NEXT?

From Their Cold, Dead Hearts

Less than a year ago Abbott proudly claimed Texas as a “Second Amendment Sanctuary State” – whatever the fuck that means. At the signing ceremony Abbott said

“Politicians from the federal level to the local level have threatened to take guns from law-abiding citizens – but we will not let that happen in Texas. Texas will always be the leader in defending the Second Amendment, which is why we built a barrier around gun rights this session.”

Maybe someone should have built a barrier around the Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas.

Ratpublicans (and Joe Manchin) constantly talk about being “pro-life.” Their actions are consistently “pro-death.” Watch what people do, not what they say. Now, watch the Supreme Court loosen gun laws. Checkmate.

I. Mangrey reflecting.

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Schmuck Of The Day

Bitch Cassidy

May 28, 2022

Louisiana has one of the worst infant mortality rates in the nation. However, according to today’s Schmuck For The Day, Senator Bill Cassidy, his very special state does not have a problem with infant mortality. No, the real problem is that there are just so many Blacks in Louisiana, and that affects their overall rate.

You may be interested and then horrified to know that Cassidy is a – gulp – licensed physician. So don’t get sick in Louisiana. Cassidy is the senior senator to his confederate, the even scarier, crackerier, and very possibly dumber John Kennedy. Tough call on that one.

In case anyone was wondering just what the fuck the Pelican State Pinhead was getting at, he fearlessly spelled it out. “About a third of our population is African American; African Americans have a higher incidence of maternal mortality. So, if you correct our population for race, we’re not as much of an outlier as it’d otherwise appear.”

Um, Black Deaths Matter

One would be perfectly within one’s rights to assume that Cassidy believes that it would be much fairer if African Americans in his state would be counted as 3/5 of a person. That should square things.

Sen. Bill Cassidy, making do with 3/5 of a brain,
upon learning his state is full of African Americans

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck Of The Day.

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Who is your schmuck of the day?

Friday, May 27, 2022

Thought For The Day

Musk You Elon?

May 27, 2022

Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, major embarrassment to the Asperger’s community, and man voted most in need of shutting the fuck up, is still pretending to buy Twitter for $44B. I guess he was rifling around his couch cushions and got lucky. Musk worries that there is not enough free speech on Twitter. Apparently the world’s richest man believes people should be allowed to spew hate speech and lies that can result in harm and death. Or at least he thinks he should. Not to mention all those nimrods who refuse allowing public schools to teach science, American history or modern understanding of human behavior regarding gender and reproductive realities. Musk clearly enjoys the proliferation of alternative facts.

As if that weren’t enough, Musk now claims that despite being a long-time Democrat, he will now be voting for Ratpublicans. Apparently, he cannot resist the political savvy and personal charms of pols like Marge Taylor Greene, Lauren Bobert, Matt Gaetz, Ron DuhSantis and all the other super geniuses on that side of the aisle. Oh, and who can resist all that snappy insurrection?

To be fair, there is at least one other high-profile clod who many people who are not Elon Musk think should STFU:


This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

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Thursday, May 26, 2022

Broken News

The GOP – The Gun Obsessed Party

May 26, 2022

The GOP has two core beliefs: 1) there is never a bad time to give more tax cuts to the wealthiest among us, and 2) WE NEED MORE GUNS IN THE HANDS OF MORE PEOPLE.*

Well, to be fair there is one more thing that almost slipped my mind: 3) make it harder for people, especially people of color, to vote.

Oh, and lest we forget: 5) an almost fanatical devotion to Donald Tmurp.

They are like a modern-day Spanish Inquisition:

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition

* This is trotted out most predictably and most vigorously immediately after every mass shooting. And this despite polls consistently showing that at least 80% of Americans support background checks, more than 60% support banning assault-style weapons and more than 60% support banning high-capacity ammunition magazines. But not banning books. The Ratpublican Party (and Joe Manchin) support forcing women to give birth against their will and having those children shot to death in order to protect guns (mainly gun manufacturers).

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled mayhem.

Ban The Books NOW

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Thought For The Night

In Case Anyone Asks You, Black Lives Still Matter

May 25, 2022

In all the horror, I almost forgot. It was two years ago today that George Floyd was brutally murdered in broad daylight, with people watching, pleading for the slow-motion murder to stop. Since then, everything has gotten (not the least bit) better.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Night.

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What is your thought for the night?

Thought For The Day

Blame It On The Gun

May 25, 2022

Deadliest School Shooting In A Decade. Twenty-one (for now) dead. Nineteen children, two adults. Cut down by a teenager with an assault-style weapon, who first shot his grandmother. In Texas. America is currently averaging more than one mass shooting per day in 2022. USA! USA! USA! We’re #1.

Seeing as we are always told it is too soon to talk about gun control right after each daily mass shooting here in Second Amendment Land, many people are starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe the NRA is behind all these murders.

First, it keeps their precious guns in the news – in case anyone might be forgetting how awash we are in firearms. Second, there can never be a good time to do anything to stem the bloodbath.

And since it is becoming ever more clear that anyone who does not traffic in some conspiracy theory or other will soon find themselves shunned, here is one more: the NRA is paying people all over this country to perpetrate one heinous killing spree after another in order to ensure there is never a good time to talk, or especially to do anything about guns in America.

Just as the NRA pays off politicians to keep the guns flowing throughout the land, and buys Supreme Court justices to misinterpret the Constitution in service of protecting guns from people, why would they hesitate for one moment to pay people to commit mass murder in order to keep saying it's too soon to talk about gun control? I'm just asking questions.

Just so we’re clear, the 21 dead are not crisis actors. They are dead people. Killed by the NRA. Even if they did not pay this child to murder all these innocent people, which I assure you they did, they are still responsible. And reprehensible.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

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What is your thought for the day?

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Schmuck For The Year

Springtime For Cawthorn

May 24, 2022

Hitler fanboy and psychotic post-teen now-ex-Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) somehow managed to be too fucked up for Tmrup’s Ratpublican Party. Despite the enthusiastic endorsement from disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-losing, one-term, seditious, ex-president and failed blogger Donald Tmurp himself, Cawthorn was primaried right out of his House seat. A seat he should have never been permitted to occupy, but then that’s not a disqualifying factor for Ratpublicans anymore.

Too bad for the young lad. No more invites to Ratpublican cocaine orgies. But look on the bright side little guy, you can spend all the time you want at Hitler's mountain retreat. Maybe you can run for dog catcher...or get caught by one.


Not everyone is on a Führer name basis with the head Nazi
Was he hoping to see his Führer’s ghost…
or old (really old) Adolph himself…or maybe Elvis?
What else is on this little twerp’s bucket list?

After conceding defeat – Wait, what!? – rather than bidding us all a fond farewell, the little shit threatened America with, “The time for gentile politics as usual has come to an end. It's time for the rise of the new right, it's time for Dark MAGA to truly take command.” I will agree though that I too have had enough of gentile politics.

Sure, he meant “genteel” politics, and someone, I guess his mom eventually fixed it for him. At least he didn’t threaten us with “marshall law” or the “gazpacho police” of Marge Taylor Groane.

Now Cawthorn can pursue his hobbies – taking firearms to the airport and driving too fast with a revoked license. Or he can just go back to Hitler’s Eagles Nest retreat and retire...and maybe take a page from his cherished Führer and leave us the fuck alone.

Springtime for Hitler

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck For The Day Year.

You're welcome.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Schmuck For The Day

One of these dipshits preparing to march on the Capitol on Jan 6, 2021 
is Doug Mastriano (all these dumb-ass white fuckers look alike to me)

From God’s Lips To My Fingertips

May 23, 2022

Besides living in a state of constant angst I also live in a state of Pennsylvania. Apparent human-swine hybrid and current Ratpublican nominee for governor in Pennsylvania is planning to shoot America in the face if he defeats his Democratic opponent – current District Attorney Josh Shapiro. A fervent 2020 election denier, State Sen. Mastriano planned to replace the state’s electors who by law were charged with certifying Pennsylvania’s electoral votes for Joe Biden with fake electors who would support Tmrup’s attempted coup. Mastriano was also an in-person insurrectionist who claimed – contrary to hard evidence – that he left the Capitol when things turned violent. And Mastriano is no Donny-come-lately. His fever dreams of crazy conspiracies go way back.  

Adding to his already eww-inspiring resume Mastriano, currently under investigation by the January 6 Select Committee, continues to ignore a legal subpoena to come before the committee to explain his actions in relation to the insurrection. Including why he lied about his exact whereabouts on that fateful day. Nevertheless, Mastriano crushed the competition in his party’s recent primary for governor in the Keystone State.

During his acceptance screech Mastriano promised to do his best to support the corona virus, lynch Critical Race Theory, work tirelessly to curtail voting rights and LGBTQ+ rights, and make bathrooms great again. One would be wise to assume that given the go-ahead by the Extreme Court, Mastriano would not hesitate to outlaw all abortions in the state, and then contraceptives, and then a woman’s right to say “No.” 

Another Fair-Weather Religious Fanatic 

Mastriano not only denies the results of the 2020 election, he is already loudly and proudly preemptively denying any future presidential election (and, one assumes, any other election occurring in his vicinity) that does not satisfy his whims should he become king of Pennsylvania. And apparently, he will gladly ignore the fact that God handed Democrats any victory by willing voters to elect Democrats. Because after all, how could anyone vote for a Democrat unless God ordained that they do so. How is it that radical religious fanatics like Mastriano can so easily ignore when God disagrees with them? How can they prove that God is on their side? When will they just STFU? Does God need to literally smite them down permanently to get her point across? 

Doug Mastriano believes that God has ordained him to keep Democrats from ever getting the Keystone State's electoral votes. Period. It is not his intention to accomplish this by getting more votes for Ratpublicans. He seems unwilling to waste his time with such unpredictable pursuits, preferring instead to simply, for lack of a better word – cheat, which as noted he already attempted to do in 2020.  

Taking a poison page out of fellow-authoritarian Vladimir Putin’s pitiable playbook, Mastriano accused his Jewish opponent in the upcoming gubernatorial race of - without using the word - being a Nazi. He warned his supporters that the “future of Pennsylvania under Josh Shapiro is an oppressive regime not unlike East Germany where your freedom will be snatched away.” This from someone who has vowed to interfere with any electoral outcome he does not like. Mastriano, a Christian nationalist and far-right conspiracy theorist who continues promoting the Big Lie that the 2020 presidential election was stolen from disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-losing, one-term, seditious, ex-president and failed blogger Donald Tmurp in Pennsylvania. 

Mastriano, who served as an intelligence analyst in East Germany, clearly learned how to manipulate through propaganda. He also believed that God ordered up a dust storm - in the Iraqi desert, where dust storms are as common as racists in the Ratpublican base - to aid his victory against Saddam Hussein's army during Desert Storm because his wife was home praying her little ass off.  

 

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck For The Day.

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Who is your schmuck for the day?

Saturday, May 21, 2022

Schmuck For The Day

Don’t kid yourself, he still sucks

Best Freudian Slip Ever 
            or
The Great Gaffesbee

May 21, 2022 

Hey, remember this asshole? Unindicted war criminal George WTF Bush. Ex-worst president in American history: 


How do you think we feel? 

And The Dummy Goes To…

George WTF Bush for his long-awaited, albeit accidental admission: “Russian elections are rigged.* The result is an absence of checks and balances in Russia, and the decision of one man to launch a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq.” In one moment, he soiled himself and quickly corrected his moment of truth, saying, “I mean Ukraine.” And that was with Bush having his script right in front of him.

We can take a modicum of satisfaction that there's some small thing rattling around between his ears that knows he's a war criminal. We can only hope it haunts him.


Good to see he hasn’t lost a bit of his unmatched oratory prowess 

Evil Dick and his dummy George

*Says the man who lost the popular vote, then had the Supreme Court stop the counting of votes in Florida where his brother was governor, and finally appoint him as 43rd president.


This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck For The Day.

You're welcome.

Who is your schmuck for the day?