Paying Attention™ Secret Word Of The Day

I Am Not People (Or Soylent Green)

February 15, 2024

This post was written three months ago, but it was waiting for a special occasion to show itself. If by special occasion we mean something that happens all too often here in America. This episode took place at the Super Bowl victory celebration in Kansas City, Missouri yesterday. One dead, at least 22 (including nine children) with gunshot wounds. And what, you may ask caused these casualties? This is America so take one fucking guess.

If today is a day ending in ‘y’ there has been (on average) at least one mass shooting in the land where the Second Amendment is king. I know, you probably thought Donald Trump was king, but not yet. We have at least 263 more mass shootings until that happens. This made me think about our sacred Amendment, and something new crossed my mind.

Here’s a new twist on a very old riddle. A Constitutional koan if you will.

A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The Constitution opens with the three words “We the people…” It does not say ‘Me the people…’ or ‘I the people…’ or ‘Me the person.’ We the people – a phrase carefully chosen, as was every word in the document. to denote a social network designed to incorporate union, community and compromise, in support of a nation. Not one person. Every word in our Constitution was argued over in dank halls, pubs and houses by men in powdered wigs, with wooden teeth and a searing distaste for kings (and Black people), in search of a new form of government.

There’s no ‘I’ in people

The Second Amendment also opens with three words – “A well-regulated militia” – (okay, technically four words, but the hyphen binds two words into one). A little further along, the amendment also uses the word “people.” Not the word person or individual. And of course, me being a constitutional originalist and all, and hopefully something of a man of words myself – though lacking both wig and wooden teeth – (I many not have the best words, but I have some damned good ones, and more than enough to get by in our barely literate society), I cleverly noticed that, grammatically speaking, the word ‘people’ refers back to the opening phrase “a well-regulated militia.” And our founding motherfuckers…I mean fathers (which when you thing about it non-judgmentally, are synonymous…but I digress) were nothing if not very particular about their words, and grammatically correct.

Speaking of specific words, nowhere in the Second Amendment does it say anything about anyone – be it militia or individual – owning arms. It says “keep” and “bear.” Both of these acts are entirely possible without owning them outright. Members of our law enforcement and military are issued firearms for use in performing their duties. They do not get to take these tools of their trade home with them or bequeath them to their progeny. They may only keep and bear them while on the job. One could rightly argue that this is precisely what our exceptionally persnickety wordsmiths of yore meant.

Then it hit me. There is no such thing as a one-person militia. Any one-person militia is likely to be looked upon in a very bad light by the authorities, and end up on the wrong side of prison bars or a cemetery lawn.

The conclusion is not new, but now that grammar has been added to the debate, I think we can finally put this colicky baby to bed and get a good night’s sleep – not with the fishes, but in the comfort of our own beds. Unfortunately, it seems necessary for us to bury this colicky baby alive before some fucker grabs it from America’s cold, dead hands or shoots it to death for no fucking good reason.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Secret Word Of The Day.                                                                                                                                                 

TREASON ACCOMPLISHED

Fellatio In Moscow

February 14, 2024

Carlson and Putin in the green room before their big, hot date

A Fitting Story For Valentine's Day

It was love at first blight. New BFFs (Bleating Fascist Fucks) Fucker Carlson and Vladimir Putin, joined farces for two hours of propaganda and perfidy. Because he was not born in time to interview Hitler to ask him “Why do you think the Jews should be exterminated? I think it’s an important question and people need to know your feelings.”

By all accounts – you won’t get me to go anywhere near that steaming pile of assholery – Putin used almost every one of those shamefully wasted 120 minutes to pitch his manure, barely letting his mark get a word in edgewise. And while any minute devoid of the fingernails-on-chalkboard tones of Fucker Carlson’s voice is generally a victory for humankind, replacing that horrendous screeching with Putin’s propaganda is hardly a reprieve.

Carlson’s hard hitting ass kissing was a two-hour sodden soliloquy by Putin

Today, since he is alive (proving there is no God) and very disturbed, Carlson made his way to Moscow because, “not a single Western journalist has bothered to interview the president of the other country involved in this conflict, Vladimir Putin.” This “conflict” as Putin pal Carlson called it saw Putin unilaterally invade Ukraine for one reason and one reason only – he is a sociopathic megalomaniac who wants to take control of every country/region that had been part of the failed Soviet Union. You can see why Carlson felt the bloodthirsty Bolshevik deserved a fair shake.

Fucker Carlson is no stranger to hanging around with
morons and maniacal strongmen (even loser, weak ones)

The Russians have a phrase for unwitting (and otherwise) assets who are used to spread propaganda, disinformation and chaos in pursuit of world dominance. That phrase is “useful idiot.” Fucker Carlson in many ways fits that bill, or at least he used to. However, since Carlson was fired by Fux News (having previously been fired by MSNBC and CNN) and relegated to some dank, diseased outpost of the internets, he must hold a special place among useful idiots like Donald Trump and other members of the Fascist/Trump Party. Fucker Carlson is a useless idiot. And you could say he really blew it with Putin.

One more thing...

While we’re on the subject of idiots, useful and otherwise, when asked about his views on NATO, Putin’s once very useful idiot Trump told his less useful idiots that if a member of NATO was arrears in paying their dues (dues that do not actually exist) and was attacked by Russia, “No, I would not protect you. In fact, I would encourage them to do whatever the hell they want. You gotta pay. You gotta pay your bills.” Said the repeatedly bankrupt fake billionaire who is absolutely famous for, and has bragged about, not paying his bills. How do you think he got so rich? Hint: it wasn’t by using the moldy peanut he considers a very, very large uh-brain, that rattles around in his skull.

I. Mangrey reporting. Member of the Dia Tribe. 

If I Could Only Remember My Crime

He Knows Not What He Does*,
But He Fucking Did It, And Everyone Else Knows

February 12, 2024

At a recent event Trump was asked if he was going to use campaign funds to pay the penalties in his civil cases. He responded, “What penalties? I didn't do anything wrong. That's been proven as far as I'm concerned.” Whoa, easy there Dr. Dementia. We saw all the drawings of you in the courtroom. It was in all the papers.

This was only days after a jury handed down a verdict ordering Grabby McPsycho to cough up another $83 million, and an impending payout that could easily be in the quarter-billion range. Oh yeah, those penalties. Our sources tell us Trump may be going for the insanity defense since the conman/dickhead defense does not seem to be working.

Sponge Don Square “Hair” seen here trying to remember his name

Trump repeatedly tells his deer-in-the-headlights rallygoers that not only did he defeat Obama in “an election that everyone said couldn’t be won,” but he is, right at this very moment leading Obama by a lot in the polls. Der Furor also does not know what day it is, whether it’s day or night, or that he owes E. Jean Carroll $8.3 million.

Huh?

Trump makes words happen; if only he could get them in the right order

Trump continues to emit series of words vaguely resembling thoughts and sentences in the presence of his blindly faithful flocks of fuckwits.

Try this one on for size: “And the danger from within is far greater in my opinion from the then the danger on the outside of our country. That's danger. But this is serious da— the fascists, the communists, the syria Socialists?”

Though Donny Dememtia was facing a crowd of his lemmings, he was as always, addressing a mirror reflection of himself. He – and it’s not me saying this, many people are saying this – he is the far greater danger from within. Everybody who is not bathing or drowning in the Trumpian Kool-Aid knows this.

While corporate media – with the help of an erroneously appointed special counsel (the new James Comey/Democratic saboteur from the Justice Department, Robert Hur) – continue to flog the “danger” of Joe Biden’s age, the very-slightly-younger and considerably more deranged and dementia-addled (not to mention criminal and fascist) mound-of-feces-in-a-suit known as Trump continues to speak in forked tongues. Proving that Joe Biden’s age is no match for Donald Trump’s late-stage syphilis and/or dementia when it comes to being non compos mentis, and unfit for elected office (as if Trump’s previous time in office was not proof enough).

To quote George H.W. Bush’s incomparable (that’s not a compliment) vice president Dan Quayle, “What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.” Yes, how true, and amazingly stupid that is.

_________________________________________________
* Yeah, he does, but if he doesn’t it’s because he’s psychotic, has dementia, or syphilis, or all of the above.
Or he’s just fucking lying as usual.

Broken News - Is It Elvis, Or Is It Memorex?

We Are All Elvis Now

February 10, 2024

We recently learned that Desperate Don thinks he looks like Elvis. Trump lied that “For so many years people have been saying that Elvis and I look alike.” If he meant the King’s present state – having been dead for 46 years – then okay, it’s entirely possible there is a decent resemblance, though even the current Elvis (assuming you don’t believe he’s still alive and hiding out with JFK) is likely healthier than the current Trump. Or maybe if Elvis, in his final days, overweight and drugged up, had his face rearranged by a rabid badger, or pummeled with a baseball bat. If Trump means he looks like Elvis in his prime, he’s out of his tiny little mind. But we knew that.

Pathetic loser Trump posted the picture below, claiming it was out there. He asked his mentally deficient cult members to weigh in on the delusionally imagined resemblance

What is the opposite of resemblance?

No doubt that Trump imagines many big, strong men coming up to him with tears in their eyes, men that never cried in their lives, saying, “Sir, has anyone every told you that you look just like Elvis? In fact, you look more like Elvis than Elvis. How do you do it, sir? Please excuse the tears, sir. Any chance you could sing Love Me Chicken Tender, sir. I bet you sound just like Elvis too. And please sir, would you autograph my dick with a Sharpie?”

This of course is a step down from the Dim One claiming to be “The Chosen One.” Or from his mentally blind, reality-deaf and historically dumb followers acting like Trump is some sort of Orange Jesus.

Not So Swift

On the eve of the Super Bowl, after the well-deserved humiliation that followed Trump’s pitiable plea to be compared to the King, the Thing pivoted away from his latest delusion. He then took another step away from reality and is now trying to sell his minions on a new “separated at birth” type comparison. “Many people are now saying, and they’re saying this very strongly and powerfully, that I am so popular and I would say, well it’s not me saying this, but many very smart people are saying that I am incredibly good looking, possibly the best looking, that I look almost exactly like the mildly talented at best – Taylor Swiffer. I would say that it’s almost impossible to tell which half of the picture is me. But I have better legs.”

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled hallucinations. 

Unqualified, Disqualified, ‘S All Good Man

Shirley, I’m Joking

February 8, 2024

There is a bigly debate going on across the land: Should states be permitted to have Donald Jokester Trump thrown off of their state ballots for inciting and supporting an insurrection on the basis of Section Three of the Fourteenth Amendment. 

Section 3. No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. But Congress may, by a vote of two-thirds of each House, remove such disability.

The Supreme Court – one third of whom were installed by the radical, right-wing Federalist Society via Donald Trump – will be considering this issue today. Some say that four of the justices – in particular the soulless, wildly unprincipled Clarence Thomas (whose wife was up to her eyeballs in Trump’s insurrection) – should recuse themselves. They will not.

After the ridiculously named Civil War – a “civil” war would be a slap-fight, the Constitution was amended to prevent the traitorous secessionists of the Confederacy from ever holding office in the government they tried to overthrow. There is no mention of a need for the miscreant to be judged guilty in a court of law. Section 3 is said to be self-executing: if the person described above is known to have engaged in any way in insurrection, he is automatically disqualified from ever holding office of any kind ever again.

Some of you may have seen Trump incite his cult live on television and subsequently learned that, after his Secret Service detail refused to take him to lead the insurrection personally at the Capitol, watched events unfold at the White House, cheering on his malignant minions, and refusing to act for several hours, instead hoping his forces would prevail.

Retired, self-described constitutional textualist, conservative judge J. Michael Luttig described the insurrection of January 6, 2021 as the “single greatest assault on America's democracy throughout the remainder of history.” Luttig was one of the first, along with highly respected liberal judge emeritus Lawrence Tribe, to bring Section 3 of the Fourteenth to public awareness as Trump’s candidacy began to take off in 2023. Since that time Luttig has been unshakably insistent that states have every right to disqualify the insurrectionist-in-chief.

I admit that initially I had only glee at learning of the possibility of throwing Trump off of some state ballots, thus ensuring he could not win the disgraceful, fake Electoral College this November.

I find that I am now on the fence on this issue. I am not however opposed to throwing Trump off the fence, of a cliff or a 15^th story window in Russia.

Naturally, just like everyone’s favorite disgraced, twice-impeached, four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president, I am merely joking.

Many experts insist that Section 3 of the Fourteenth Amendment is, as noted above, self-executing. If only Donald Trump was.

Again, in the spirit of everyone's favorite ex-president, totally joking. I’m a kidder, I kid.

I. Mangrey reporting. 

Fun Fact For The Day – Biden Dishes

Truth, Biden Style

February 7, 2024

Many people are saying – and these are not the best people, they’re criminals, they’re rapists (and that’s just Donald Trump), and most of them are Trump supporters – that Joe Biden is too old to be president. That Biden doesn’t have the mental wherewithal to be president. That he doesn’t know which end is up.

Of course, many of these – let’s call them idiots – idiots also insist that Biden is a criminal mastermind who is manipulating everything from the countless trials of Trump, to the recruiting of Taylor Swift for political psy-ops, to fixing the outcome of the upcoming Super Bowl. Well, guess what, we have verified reporting of Joe Biden in private disproving the idea that Biden is too slow in the head. It is possible that he is a mastermind since he has managed to rescue our economy from the disastrous, job-losing, COVID-enhancing, criminal enterprise that was the Trump administration.

So, for those of you keeping score out there, Joe Biden is a feeble-minded super-genius mastermind who can't do anything and controls everything.

As regards the fake news that Biden is clueless, it was reported that Biden had this to say about Trump, “What a fucking asshole the guy is.” Biden also described Trump as someone who delights in others’ misfortunes, adding that his likely opponent in November is a “sick fuck.” Right again Mr. President. I love it when he speaks French.

Now granted, it is not rocket science to recognize that Donald Trump is a sick fucking asshole, but it is proof that Biden has not lost a beat. Joe knows how to drop the old F-bomb, and unlike Trump he’s not constantly shitting his pants.

Meanwhile, Trump is trying to sabotage our country from the cheap seats (when he’s at the defendant’s table or the witness stand) by telling his lackeys in Congress not to pass any legislation that would accrue to Biden’s favor before the election. The Orange Ogre actually told an interviewer that he hopes there’s another Great Depression in the next few months so he looks better to voters in November. Like trying to destroy our democracy on January 6^th wasn’t enough proof of Trump’s intentions.

Dark Brandon helping Der Furor look the part more

The only thing missing is Biden talking smack on Dementia Don in public on the campaign trail. Stay tuned.

Nothing like having a bit of fun with the facts.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Fun Fact For The Day. 

Filthy Old Men

Patriotism, Bitches!

February 6, 2024

There are too many demented, greedy, racist, misogynist fucked up old white men who are only willing to care for and represent rich, mostly old, mostly white, mostly men who may or may not be fucked up, demented, greedy, racist, misogynists.

Donald Dick, Moscow Mitch, Lindsey Scagham and Fuck Grassley (who has been dead for 10 years, but was never notified and continued to get re-elected) have all explicitly made it clear that they have no intention of allowing any achievements that might reflect well of Joe Biden.

As a specific example, the Fascist/Trump members of Congress have sabotaged long-sought-after immigration legislation that Democrats conceded more than ever before to achieve bipartisanship. The Dems were blackmailed into compromising beyond anything they would ever agree to because the disloyal opposition was holding hostage funding for Israel and Ukraine. The Fascist/Trumpicans got almost everything they wanted in the bill only to have Donald Tantrump throw one of his countless Trumper tantrums, threatening paybacks and mayhem to any who dare defy Der Furor because he needs to use the border issue as the only thing he can actually run on.

There is though one other issue on which Trump is desperately hanging his campaign hat: Please keep me out of jail – I can’t pardon myself if I’m not president. And this despite continuing to claim he is innocent of everything we all saw him do. Not to mention his pathetic attempt at a Jedi mind trick to persuade us he is innocent of things he has already been found guilty of.

Speaking of stupid Jedi mind tricks, Trump is also claiming that everything bad that is happening right now is Biden’s fault, and the undeniably great economic recovery (from Trump’s handiwork) is all thanks to Trump – who contrary to unpopular opinion, IS NOT THE FUCKING PRESIDENT.

Tantrump declared the immigration bill a “horrible open-borders betrayal of America,” long before the text of the bill had even been released, so he had no idea what was in the bill – just that it would make Biden look good. As though Trump would read it if was in his tiny, little hands.

Not-yet-old, but whiter-than-white, demented, racist, misogynist and radical fundamentalist Christian theocrat (who has compared himself to Moses), and current House Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson has also decided to go along to get along and kill any legislation that might help Americans if it also makes Biden look good. Ain’t that America.

There are very few less or non-fascist members of the Fascist/Trump Party these days. One of them appears to be Susan Collins of the white state of Maine. You may recall that Collins famously assured us that 1) Donald Trump had learned his lesson after his first impeachment (WRONG!), and 2) that boozy rapist Brett Kavanaugh assured her he would never buck precedent by aborting Roe v. Wade (WRONG!).

Collins was recently asked if she plans to endorse Trump if he clinches the Fascist/Trump presidential nomination; she responded, “I do not at this point, no.” So there you have it. The brave and unshakable Susan Collins will be endorsing Donald Trump in a few weeks when he becomes her deplorable party’s nominee.

I. Mangrey reporting.  You heard it here worst.                                           

                                                                               

Fascinating - Fascismanating

Autocrats In Autos Getting Arsenic

February 3, 2024

Trump has been repeatedly using Nazi phraseology as he incites and solidifies his white supremacist, fascist base. He is not even trying to downplay, let alone hide his absolute insistence on absolute power. We are currently waiting to see if the Extreme Court grants him total immunity as he seeks the “presidency”  once again.

Trump is not Hitler – he is just riding with Hitler

WTFF*

________________________________________________
*What The Fascinating Fuck

Age Is Just How Old You Are

The (Would-Be) Emperor Has No Brains (And His Clothes Ain’t So Hot)

February 1, 2024

Donald Trump is three-and-a-half years younger than Joe Biden. Yet many people are all in a tizzy over Joe Biden’s age? What a bunch of malarky. Trump’s brain is 80 years older than Joe Biden will ever be.

Okay, so Biden fell off his bike, but he rides a bike for fuck sake. And, when Biden fell off his bike he got right back up. Trump can barely manage a gently sloping ramp on foot, let alone stairs. And when he falls down, they have to bring in a fucking crane to get him up because his entire Secret Service detail already have hernias.

Looks like Jack LaLanne vs. Jabba the Hutt

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Not Have

Just for the record, alleged, and very likely serial rapist Donald Trump insists that E. Jean Carroll, who has been kicking his ass in the courts over accusations (now validated by the legal system) of sexual assault and defamation, is not “his type” for, I guess, raping?

My guess is that Trump thinks Ms. Carroll was 80 years old nearly 30 years ago – when he literally grabbed her “by the pussy” – since she is 80 today. Also, at 80 Carroll looks to be in good shape and healthy despite the horrific stress spending unwanted time with Trump in the dressing room at Bergdorf's has caused her.

Trump on the other hand looks like a giant, bleached road-kill ground hog, bloated almost beyond recognition from lying in the sun for several days. People who apply their makeup by the pound with a fully charged icing anointment utensil and waddle around with a Guinness Book of World Records comb-around-and-around-and-around make-believe “hair” shouldn’t throw stones. He would be better off downing a bit of bleach or shining a powerful light where the sun don’t shine. Oh, and STFU.

Image from Garry Trudeau's book of Trump satire, “Lewser!”

(Andrews McMeel Publishing 2020)

Video of a deposition from 2022 was recently released where Trump is asked to identify a woman standing right next to him in a photo. He is seen examining the photo – one that he admits to having seen before – and pointing to E. Jean Carroll (who he still insists “I never met this woman in my life”) stating she is his second wife. Though Trump has testified that Carroll was not his type – as though that means something in the context of rape – one assumes that the woman he cheated on his first wife with, and eventually married (and cheated on with third wife) was his type. But who am I to put words in his sphincter-like mouth.

Professional idiot Trump seen here simultaneously misidentifying
his then wife Marla Maples* and E. Jean Carroll**

Trump would probably have trouble picking himself out of a lineup.

________________________________________________
*The woman Trump cheated on his first wife with and then married; to be fair, he may have only been cheating
on his first wife Ivana with Maples at the time of the photo
**One of the two dozen or so women Trump raped; the only one who has proved in in court

I. Mangrey reporting…and, loving it.