Let Lying Dogs Sleep

Creepy, Sleepy, And In Deepy

April 17, 2024

Sleepy Don was reportedly falling asleep on and off all day, starting in the morning, during Day 1 of jury selection in his first criminal trial for election interference in Manhattan. Trump’s behavior during Day 2 was no different. Luckily for Daydreaming Donald, there were no fishes for him to sleep with in the courtroom.

Naturally, Trump later claimed that he was just joking, that he was being sarcastic and that he was “only doing my very strong, very powerful Sleepy Joe Biden impression. Everyone knows this and everyone loves it. Just the other day, a big strong man came up to me, with tears in his eyes and he said ‘Sir, please do your Sleepy Joe Biden impression for me while you’re in court. It would mean so much.’ That’s all there is to it. Believe me. 

The old boy is going to have to double up on his puppy uppers to make it through what promises to be several weeks of jury selection, let alone the actual trial. I guess Low Energy Don wasn’t able to keep up his hourly doses of 5-Hour energy drinks while sitting in the courtroom, and he wasn’t able to keep snorting Adderall at the defense table. Judges probably frown on that sort of behavior.

Courtroom sketch of The Defendant looking very spunky,

 from Day 2 (or is it Day 1, or a prediction for Day 3)

Oddly enough, though almost everyone  has been mewling about how old and fragile Joe Biden is, and most of the Fascist/Trump Party knuckle-draggers won’t shut the fuck up about all the Biden crimes, there are no courtroom sketches of Joe Biden at the defense table – either asleep or awake.

Alternately, it is entirely possible that Trump’s legal team slipped a few doggie downers in his Whoppers to keep him from blowing up the case by being the arrogant, demented asshole we’ve all grown to know and despise. Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of watching Trump in action knows that he is at his best when he’s asleep. Either way, it will be difficult for Donnie Downers to mouth off about “Sleepy Joe” Biden on what’s left of his campaign trial…I mean, trail. Good luck dragging that fat fuck around the country trying to win over new voters.

Glenn Kirschner is a former U.S. Army prosecutor, and former assistant U.S. Attorney in the office of the United States Attorney for the District of Columbia. Kirschner shared the following in a recent interview with Brian Tyler Cohen:

“Having litigated some very lengthy trials, I have seen all sorts of people fall asleep in the courtroom. I have seen jurors fall asleep…so it’s not that unusual. But the defendant falling asleep? We have kind of a saying, whenever anyone is being interrogated…after being taken into custody…the [interrogator] is going at them and going at them and then they’ll take a break and walk out. But the video recording keeps rolling so you can see the defendant sitting in the room. An innocent person who’s being interrogated will be alert, will be bouncing off the walls, but a guilty person, when they get that minute to take a break in the interrogation, they’ll fall asleep every time.”

Oops.

Trump helping with strategy during the first two days of jury selection

Donald Trump – Bull(shit)dozer

Then again, an innocent person probably would not be up rage-tweeting almost 24/7 because of all the guilt guilt. Even Trump, somewhere in there, beneath all the toxic artificial “hair” and skin treatments, beneath all the self-loathing, beneath his contempt for everyone else (except Ivanka),  beneath all the outward complete lack of self-awareness, beneath all the rage, racism, misogyny and unparalleled ignorance, beneath the Alzheimer’s, dementia and/or late-stage syphilis eating away at his congenitally-damaged brain, beneath all of that, some tiny little spark – even smaller than his tiny little hands, and his tiny whatever – knows he is a guilty-assed motherfucking piece of shit who deserves every bad thing hopefully coming his way. Other than that, he’s probably a pretty nice guy.

As I’ve always said, “Sir, let lying dogs sleep.”

With nearly half of the jury-plus-alternates now seated,
this could get interesting sooner than later

I. Mangrey reviving. Wide awake, baby. 

Thought For The Day - Trump Trial, Day 1

Cloudy With A Chance Of Jurors

April 15, 2024

The very strong and powerful criminal hush-money trial of demented, deranged, disgraced, twice-impeached, quadruple-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Donald Trump (and let's not forget all the rapey stuff) begins its jury selection phase today.

Trump today is facing a 34-count indictment which includes felonies like election interference and campaign finance malfeasance. Trump paid hush money to Stormy Daniels (oh, and also former Playboy model Karen McDougal; and who knows who else) – not allegedly, since we have the signed checks, and since Trump’s then-attorney Michael Cohen did time for his part in the crime – in order to trick the American people into thinking Trump was something other than a pathetic scumbag who grabs women by the pussy (which he himself bragged about) and fucks porn stars while his third wife was home with their four-month-old son.

How ironic that life-long tax cheat Trump’s first criminal trial, though this one is not over taxes, begins on Tax Day. Even more ironic, Trump is in trouble for paying hush money when he is the one who just cannot shut the fuck up. You couldn’t pay him enough money to keep his trap shut. And, other than constantly yapping like a dog, money is the only thing he cares about.

Well that, and now staying out of prison.

Inveterate liar Trump is now yowling that he will “absolutely” testify in this case. Because he absolutely cannot shut the fuck up. But he also absolutely cannot stop lying, especially when it comes to bragging about wanting to testify in his own defense. And because, as Trump keeps whining, “I did nothing wrong.”

“It’s HIS fault – the guy who was my lawyer and did whatever
I told him to do. He did it. I did nothing wrong. Always.”

I haven’t been this politically gleeful since disgraced, almost-impeached, would-have-been-indicted president Richard Nixon (still dead) resigned. Also, I hope that Donald dyes before showing up for trial today. We want him to be properly hued in the hope that when he starts sweating like the pig he is, we might have a runny-Rudy moment as Donald’s orange Crayola coating begins dripping all over his ill-fitting suit and gold sneakers.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day. 

Pictures Of The Day

A Night at The Opera

Not A Thousand Words, But Worth It   

April 13, 2024

Regardless of your political leanings and/or obsessings all of America finds itself (theoretically) on the eve of a historic event – the fist time in our nation’s history that a former president (however undeserving, incompetent or overtly criminal) will be sitting in the defendant’s chair in a criminal courtroom. This of course is not to say that there were no other former presidents deserving of this dubious honor, but we cannot yet fix the past, so here we are.

All kinds of people will be singing like birds as Damaged Don Trump begins his very first criminal trial on Monday. And it’s about damn time. As soon as the supporting cast and their understudies – aka The Jury – are selected, the Trial of The Century – The People v. Donald Trump – will begin in earnest.

a blight at the opera

While Donald doesn’t actually sing (even his speaking voice makes most people long for the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard (look it up kids), and what he thinks is dancing makes Elaine Benes look like Ginger Rogers (look her up kids), he sure won’t STFU.

the death of dance

It seems certain that the curtain will open on Monday – Tax Day. How apt that perpetual tax cheat Donald Trump should end up on the wrong side of a criminal proceeding on Tax Day.

This of course presumes that the Supreme Court does not, on Monday morning, make it illegal to interfere with the unending life of crime that is Donald Trump’s raison d'être. Or, unless Trump makes a “run” for it à la O.J. Simpson (now deceased) and his infamous, tragicomic slo mo Bronco chase scene – like that from The French Connection, on heroin.

Trump makes a run for it in the only vehicle he is capable of piloting

Speaking of O.J. Simpson (still deceased), you may recall his double murder trial was the previous century’s trial-of-the-century. Though Trump’s is not technically described as a murder trial, the long-awaited, much-craved legal reckoning for his attempt to take the life of American Democracy is finally coming to a courtroom near you (if you live near New York).

Trump’s tiny hands will fit into any gloves, but since he is a piece of shit, you must not acquit.

These have been your Paying Attention™ Pictures Of The Day.

Thought For The Day – It’s About Time

Clock Them Up!

April 10, 2024

Not only should syphilitic, disgraced, twice-impeached, four-time-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president, proud rapist and snake bible salesman Donald Trump be disqualified with prejudice from ever being president, or being allowed in public again, but if he has any personal assets left after E. Jean Carroll, Letitia James, Alvin Bragg, Jack Smith, et al get through with him, he and his entire treasonous, fraudulent, perpetually-grifting family must donate all their monies to develop a time machine. We must have this time machine in order to erase the Trump presidency, if not the existence of the entire nauseating Trump family from this timeline.

Move over, I’ll drive, I know exactly when we’re going to

This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought For The Day.

What do you think?

A Farce Of Nature

Huckabee Sanders And The End Of The World As We Know It*

April 9, 2024

WARNING: we are fully aware that today is not April Fools’ Day. Apparently, every day is April Fools’ Day for some people, or more likely some people are just fools every fucking day. To (half)wit…

Arkansas’ second-generation governor, first-rate (and second-generation) numbskull (and alleged crook) Sarah Huckabee Sanders declared a state of emergency in anticipation of the April 8 solar eclipse. It is entirely possible that the baby-pea-sized “brain” rattling around in Huckabee Sanders’ very thick skull had confused ‘eclipse’ with ‘apocalypse.’

Beware The Apoceclipse.

No one asked the white nationalist, Trump-addled shitwit if there was in fact some confusion between the two words, or perhaps some very concerning permanent brain damage. No reporter had any interest in spending the amount of time with Sanders that it would have taken to get her answer, which would have been frightening no matter what explanation she chose. Most reporters were more than willing to chalk it up to religious fanaticism and a complete lack of critical thinking ability.

It has yet to be determined if Huckabee Simpleton is dumber than EmptyG who is sticking with the Cro-magnon explanation that the gods have been angered and blocked out the Sun in the hope that we will all repent. The ancient Chinese thought an eclipse occurred because a giant dragon swallowed the Sun, Margie probably thinks it went up her ass.

Clearly, her face is badly broken, and likely leached through to whatever is inside there.

The idiot sans savant governor of the dumbass state that elected her – after having every opportunity to watch her, day after stupid fucking day, lying her pathetic ass off in service to a demented, deranged, disgraced, twice-impeached, twice-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president – put out the following statement three days before the never-before seen event that figured to end the world (or maybe just Arkansas?) by blotting out the Sun for some unknown period of time, possibly forever. 

Spoiler Alert: scientists know exactly how long it will last, exactly when it will happen again, where to watch it, and they actually know how and why it happens.

Unfortunately, people like Huckabee Slanders believe they are not affected by things like science. they answer to a dumber power. “Out of an abundance of caution**, I've directed funds to be released from the Response and Recovery Fund ahead of the Great American Eclipse.” Is it possible to drunk-dial a press release?

The “Great American Eclipse?” what the fuck is that? It’s an eclipse – there were some 70 total eclipses and countless partials in the 20^th Century. Not all are visible from the U.S. The last one we could see was only seven years ago. What we have here is a total eclipse of the brain. Someone really needs to seek professional help and serious medication.

And for a change, it’s not me.

Long live the Apoceclipse. Is it over yet?

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I guess I was spared being obliterated by the Apoceclipse due to the massive, very dark clouds that eclipsed the Apoceclipse where I live. For the rest of you who did not survive this devastating catastrophe, tough shit.

Probably because I decided

to listen to it on the radio

In Other News Of The Toxically Stupid…

The Fascist/Trump-controlled Congress returns from their most recent recess with a very long to-don’t list.

Like:

          Renaming Washington Dulles International Airport after former president Donald Trump (In response, House Democrats introduced a bill to rename the Miami Federal Correctional Institution in Florida as the “Donald J. Trump Federal Correctional Institution.”*** At least that makes sense.)

Impeaching DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas for the crime of working for the Biden administration

Withholding aid from Ukraine

Literally kissing Trump’s ass live on C-SPAN

Ousting another hapless Speaker of The House

______________________________________________
*And I don’t feel fine.
**That’s caution, spelled s-t-u-p-i-d-i-t-y. And it’s an over-abundance.
***This is not a joke.

I. Mangrey reporting. You decide.

A Pretzel For Your Thoughts

Surely, You Must Be Choking

April 8, 2024

Remember this fucking asshole?

Today, as millions of Americans scramble to view the total eclipse of the Sun which, depending on who you listen to is the manifestation of God’s wrath (I'm looking at you, EmptyG - bless your heart), the end of life on Earth as we know it, or just another in a long string of celestial events that are completely predictable. For example, we already know that the next total solar eclipse viewable in North America won't be until August 23, 2044. Soon many dangerously unstable and frighteningly ignorant people will be positing why that day was chosen – is it Antifa, pregnant women, or maybe the Jews after their space lasers have all be confiscated?

Instead of all that, we here at Paying Attention™ have decided to gambol down memory lane at what could have been a momentous day in American history, but alas, sputtered with a whimper, barely remembered by all but the truly weird.

Long, long ago, before the Trump Times (not to be confused with the End Times...well, that actually remains to be seen), in a galaxy right where we all are, previous worst president in American history George WTF Bush was almost killed by a pretzel.

President Moron briefly lost consciousness on January 13, 2002 after he choked on a pretzel while watching football in his ill-gotten living quarters. Bush II fainted, then tumbled from a couch to the floor. He bruised his lower lip and suffered an abrasion the size of a half dollar on his left cheek (see image above, laugh and dream of what might have been – forgetting for the moment that Dick “Shoot-Em-In-The-Face” Cheney was VP). With Bush out of the way, Cheney would have taken over. If Cheney was unable to end elections, he would have served out Bush’s first, ill-gotten term and it would have been very unlikely Cheney would have been elected on his own. And the Supreme Court would have at least thought twice about appointing another president so soon after their first presidential perfidy.

Professional dumbass and the only president ever appointed by the Supreme Court (so far) after they illegally stopped the counting of votes in Florida – the state whose governor at the time was the brother of the losing/appointed-anyway candidate – almost bought the farm at the “hands” of a patriotic Pennsylvania pretzel.

Hammond’s of Lancaster, Pennsylvania:
The Pretzel that almost saved America

Surely there is some sort of heroic foodstuff that can come to America's rescue before it’s too late. A courageous chicken bone? An overly-crispy French fry? Perhaps a classified document Trump is trying to hide from authorities. You know he still has a bunch of them stashed somewhere, and you know that he has a habit of disposing of papers he’s too rushed or too fucking lazy to flush down the toilet by stuffing them in his sphincteresque maw. After all, those documents do belong to him...according to him, though no one else who follows the law agrees.

I. Mangrey reporting. This story is making me thirsty.

Broken News – It’s The Eclipse, Stupid

Goodnight Sun

April 6, 2024

Many people are saying that this coming Monday the very incapacitated yet dangerous, the barely alive yet unstoppably vicious Joe Biden is planning to permanently (or possibly for four minutes) block out the Sun as part of his “deep state plan to kill global warming, exactly two weeks before Earth Day.”  

According to one of those in the “know” who spoke to Paying Attention™ reporter Allison Wunderland, “Biden is so worried that he is going to be crushed by God’s emissary Donald “Growed-up Jesus” Trump that he is planning to kill every living creature on Earth – a very, very flat Earth, by the way – by blocking out the Sun on Monday afternoon. Biden knows that Lord Trump’s witch hunt hoax porn-star-hush-money trial begins the following Monday. He knows that once Mr. Trump sets foot in that fake courtroom to finally bring this pathetic witch hunt crashing down, the real president will become so powerful, so unstoppable, that Biden will be so humiliated that he will be forced to step down immediately so that Donald J. Trump can be sworn in.”

The man went on like that for another 40 minutes, but while editing the tape we decided that there was nothing else worth repeating. However, after he finally shut the fuck up, he took his own life right there on the street by putting a plastic MY PILLOW bag over his head and securing it with a giant rubber band. Our reporter did not think it was her place to interfere, but did suggest the cameraman stop recording. This did not matter much since dozens of bystanders had their phones out and trained on the unfortunate lunatic in order to memorialize the incident.

In any event, just in case this is a real eclipse there is one thing you should never do…

Don’t be a fucking moron. Don’t look at the eclipse. And you

don’t’ need to point at it. Everyone else knows where the Sun is.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blackouts.

Fifth Dead In Ohio Anyone?

Take Him To The River, Drop Him In The Water

April 4, 2024

Pathetic loser and murderous asshole Kyle Rittenhouse is on a speaking tour of college campuses under the auspices of the racist organization Turning Point USA. The reason eludes this reporter and there is no interest in finding out what it might be. Instead, I prefer to learn second-hand how it’s going, and it’s going as well as could be hoped. 

Thus far, the little shit has been challenged with questions from anti-racists and hustled off the stage in Tennessee at the University of Memphis. At his next stop, Rittenhouse again had to cut short his screed at Western Kentucky University. Some might consider this an example of the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I prefer to think of it as an example of unparallelled douchebaggery.

Rittenhouse is scheduled to shoot off his mouth at Kent State University in Ohio shortly before the anniversary of the National Guard gunning down four Kent State student protesters on May 4, 1970. The Kent State Massacre took the lives of Allison Krause, 19, Jeffrey Glenn Miller, 20, Sandra Lee Scheuer, 20, and William Knox Schroeder, 19.

Kent State Massacre, May 4, 1970

On August 25, 2020, when he was 17, Rittenhouse shot three men, killing two of them, during the civil unrest in Kenosha, Wisconsin that followed the shooting of Jacob Blake by a police officer. Rittenhouse, having made his way from Illinois to Wisconsin, presumably to hunt black protesters, was armed with an AR-15 style rifle and had joined a group of armed citizens (i.e., criminal shitheads) in Kenosha who had said they were there to protect local businesses. And who asked them to do that, you ask? Don’t ask.

Most recent photo of Rittenhouse

A jury weighed two counts of homicide, one count of attempted homicide, and two counts of reckless endangerment, and found Rittenhouse not guilty on all charges. It’s good to be armed and white in America.

Rittenhouse feigned remorse as he wept in hopes of drowning the jury and keeping his sorry ass out of prison. Killer Kyle’s fake tears at his hearing are the stuff of legend. Kyle’s croc-o-shit tears would have made Niobe laugh hysterically.

Despite my efforts to guide him toward a better path in life, the allure of notoriety triumphed over the prospect of putting in the hard work of pursuing an education. Kyle is ill-equipped to offer advice to young people. I regret my role in shaping him into whatever he has become. If I had known what I know now about Kyle’s history, I wouldn’t have been involved.
                David Hancock, former spokesman for Kyle  Rittenhouse

Krocodile-Kryin’ Killer Kyle in happier times

When Crocodile-tear Kyle shows up at Kent State (if he is dumb enough to do so) and begins yapping about whatever the fuck he’s planning to whine about, someone should call in the National Guard.

 
Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young – Ohio

I. Mangrey reporting. How can I run when I know?                                

                                                                          

Time To Tick It Up A Notch April 1, 2024

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Turds

April 1, 2024

We have spoken previously about our respect and great affection for the majestic elephant. One of the most intelligent, civilized and caring creatures on this miraculous planet. A planet that a large group of people – we will call them people due to the limitations of our language and this being a fucking family show – who have undeserved decision-making power, and who could hardly have shown more disregard and disrespect for our entire planet. This group of individuals at some point in this nation’s history decided that their symbol would be the elephant. Don’t know why. Don’t care to bother looking it up.

From The Economist

All I know is that they do not deserve, nor should they any longer be permitted to insult the mighty and noble elephant by disgracing its image as their logo. Just as we have almost rid ourselves of all the disrespectful utilization of Native American imagery, and insulting phraseology as name, mascot and/or logo for groups of local sports mercenaries (still looking at you Atlanta Assholes and Kansas City Chumps).

It is time to disallow the hateful, fascist Trump-infested political party formerly known as Republican – now a wholly-owned/soon-to-be-bankrupt subsidiary of Donald Trump – to use the elephant for their nefarious purposes.

Speaking of nefarious, the Republicans have another, newer, likely more temporary mascot – an orangey-diaper-stain-of-a-man with make-believe (it could never make me believe) “hair” with tiny hands and over-sized clothes – probably to camouflage his diameter – who has completed a hostile takeover of the GQP. Unfortunately, this pathetic puppet has not replaced the vaunted elephant, just humiliated it as he drags it around by the trunk.

Newer Republican mascot at Bund rally in Ohio*

We here at Paying Attention™ have come up with what we believe is an excellent and infinitely more appropriate creature to represent the Fascist/Trump party, seeing as they are a bunch of skeevy blood-suckers, who are unfortunately certain to be darkening our doors for many years to come. These creatures, along with poison ivy and mosquitoes are some of the few to benefit from the burgeoning climate crisis.

Bid a long-overdue farewell to the Republican Elephant and give a rousing welcome to

The Fascist/trump party Tick

Meanwhile, Democrats had better watch their ass.

_________________________________________________
*Oops. I’m being told that this is actually Gritty the mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team. It must have been the skin color and fake hair that threw me off. In my defense, Gritty is much more realistic-looking. 

I. Mangrey reporting.