Once the Onslaught,
Part II begins officially, the Paying Attention™ team will likely be working
triple-over-overtime. Most of the staff is already tripled over in pain. But considering more than half of America has already bitten their fingernails down to the first knuckle, we are prepared to do whatever it takes to keep you informed, inflamed, amused and disabused until this thing blows over.
Out in the surreal
world, many people are saying that it would be hard to resist going artificial.
In fact, just the other day an angry mob - big, strong, angry mob - came up to
me on the street, tears in their eyes, and like a brain-damaged Greek chorus
spake unto me…
Mob leader, Marcie
“Sir, we have never
cried before but sir, we beseech you please stop with all the human-generated
content on your beautiful, very strong and very powerful blog. Get with the
program and turn it over to the all-powerful, all-knowing, so-much-smarter and
more creative AI gods. Maybe then you will get a real, albeit inferior human
audience. Good luck sir.”
No Artificial
Ingredients
Before Trump’s new bountiful batch of fresh
feces hits the windmills, we wanted to assure everyone that we have always been
and always will be AI-free. Fuck that shit.
I kid you not – this little piece of shit started showing up
as I wrote what you just read and now won’t go away Alt + i – get it? How artificially clever.
I can’t believe these words are about to come out of my
fingers, but here goes. I have to agree with Donald Trump. Dear Leader has been apoplectic – quite
the surprise, I know – about the fact that flags will be at half-mast during
his (GULP!) inauguration. Trump, and now his malignant minions are all atantrum
about Baby Huey...I mean Donny being disrespected by respecting someone else. Because anything
that is not strictly about him will soon be illegal.
Flags are meant to remain at half-mast (traditionally for 30
days after the death of a president) through the upcoming, upchucking Inauguration
Day out of respect for the recent passing of former president Jimmy Carter, who
had more integrity in his pinky toenail than Donald Trump has over four
generations, starting with his draft-dodging grandfather, through his racist,
cheating father and finding safe haven currently in his morally-defective spawn.
In response to Baby Donny’s whining, kicking and screaming, Squeaker of the House Mike Johnson and at least eight Fascist/Trump Party governors are going to once again show
their disdain for tradition, respect and democracy by returning their flags to
full-mast for president-elect Snowflake’s big day.
Despite Trump’s mewling
and lies to the contrary – quite the surprise, I know – this has happened
before. Flags were at half-staff when Nixon was sworn in due to the recent
death of Harry Truman.
I don’t think the flags should be lowered because Jimmy
Carter recently passed away. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have no problem
with them being lowered in Carter’s honor/memory. But truly, all flags should
be at half-mast because Donald Trump is being sworn in as president. And they should remain so
until such time as this nation has recovered – if it ever will – from the reign
of terror, vengeance, oligarchic authoritarianism and mass stupidity we are
about to witness and with any luck, live through.
Fuck this clown. And when I say clown, think John Wayne
Gacy. The Killer Clown.
When Trump was asked if he thought Fuckerberg caved
because of Trump’s
threats against him, Trump
replied, “Probably.” Like that was just the way business is done. Well, it’s
gonna be now.
So, which of my new AI-generated hairdos is more pathetic?
The Donald or the Rand?
I can change to something else if you will like me.
In honor of
Fuckerberg’s cowardice, if you have a F$&*book or Instascam account or any
of Fuck’s platforms, you should begin regularly posting things like “Mark
Fuckerberg fucks dead cats.” Or, “Mark Fuckerberg eats his own feces* for
breakfast every day on his Froot Loots.” Or, “Mark Fuckerberg is Trump’s sniveling little bitch.”
___________________________________________ *You want to keep it classy.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuckerberg Of The
Day. Fuck yeah.
Please enjoy this screen capture
out of Denmark, the country Trump
intends to wrest by force from Denmark (after he conquers Canada and Panama and
after Mexico not only pays for, but builds the wall Trump wants) if they don’t relent to
his entreaties to buy Greenland for $24 worth of beads.
Dumb,
Jr. recently took his dumb ass to Greenland for some reason known only to the Trump Crime Family, perhaps to make
Greenland an offer they couldn’t understand.
Not sure what it says at the bottom, but I’m
betting it’s not “Don, Jr. he’s our man. If he can’t do it no one can.”
This has been your Paying Attention™ Pic Of The Day.
_______________________________________________ *Unfortunately, Trump will suffer no
punishment. No jail time. He won’t have to go to bed without dessert or go to
his room without television. Not even a slap on his tiny wrist. He doesn’t even
have to show up to have a finger wagged in his artificially-dyes, naturally
stupid face. The thug doesn’t even have to show up in person. He and his idiot
attorney will probably Zoom in from the golf course. So it goes.
This has been your Paying Attention™ Thought
For The Day.
This is seriously horrific. The fires in southern California
are causing devastation on an unbelievable scale. Homes and lives ruined and lost. The global
climate crisis does not care that creatures like Trump choose to ignore and
ridicule the entire notion. We hope that at least no more innocent lives are
lost in the current conflagration. We’ll deal with the next climate-crisis-driven
tragedy when it happens…in a few days.
Now, on with the possibly-too-soon “funny” stuff.
Many people are saying that the massively destructive
Pacific Palisades fire was started by Donald Trump’s space lasers – the same ones he plans to use to take over
Canada, the Panama Canal, the Gulf of Mexico (which he said he will rename the
Gulf of America – though everyone knows he will, by fiat name it the Gulf of Trump) and of course Greenland…
Naturally, the president-reject denied everything – and we
mean everything:
My beautiful and very powerful space lasers, which I do not
have, but if I did would be the most beautiful and most powerful – much stronger
than the Jewish ones – had nothing to do with these tremendous fires in the
terrible state of California, which I would have won if they counted all the
votes. But these fires were caused by Joe Biden and Camaro Harris and their open
border which allows Mexican fires easy access to our horrible country, which
will be great again, again very soon. Also, the very dangerous trees just
begging to burn and take us with them. I promise, during my first hour as
president again, to eliminate all of the far-left, communist, fascist and
darkly colored trees throughout this soon-to-be-great-again-again land. They’re
fired! Get it? I have spoken.
You might have
noticed the complete absence of crazed and disgruntled Harris supporters
storming the Capitol today as a deeply divided, half-brain-dead and overly deplorable
nation awaits the swearing-in of and unhinged swearing by the 47th
and most toxic, hateful, anti-democratic, sexist, convicted and ignorant
president. Who incited seditious conspiracy – aka treason – to overthrow our newly
and duly elected government in 2020. Because he lost.
How the worm has
turned. Four years after the Insurrection Heard ‘Round the World, the man who
incited it has been certified as the next president of the country he tried to
steal. The Lord works in mysterious, some would say dangerously stupid, ways.
Vice President
Kamala Harris, who had infinitely more reason to obstruct the certification of
’rump's fatal victory than Mike Pence ever had to obstruct the landslide
victory of Joe Biden in 2020, and who did not need to phone everyone in
Washington, DC to find out if maybe she could stand in the way of her
constitutionally-mandated duty, took her place and presided over the
certification of the Electoral College votes. Nowhere near the bottom of the
list of reasons Harris might have done otherwise was the requirement that she
carry out this solemn – only once ever coming close to being in jeopardy – duty
while standing very near God’s special little rabid weasel Mike Johnson. Now
that’s what I call patriotism.
The ghost of January 6, 2021 and its stench
still linger
Like any significant
injury, the events of Jan 6 did not simply end once the assault on the Capitol
and democracy was quelled. There are scars. We have yet to stop the internal
bleeding. And now the wound is being re-infected. Or maybe it is more like in
the movies when the villain pushes his finger into the bullet wound he just
inflected on the hero.
And now, the
convicted felon/unrelenting con-man/lame-duck-president-elect faces sentencing
in New York for his 34 felony convictions just 10 days before being
inaugurated. And 77 million of our fellow citizens voted to give this piece of
human excrement an encore. Bravo.
And, lest we forget, this psychotic sausage-for-brains scumbag has vowed, once back in office, to pardon all of his cult members who carried out his attempted coup which resulted in one of their own winding up dead, as did several law enforcement officers, with 140 of them injured. Democracy dies in Trump.
Reminding Us How It’s
Done
You probably did not
see Kamala Harris egging on a mentally deficient, heavily armed and dangerously
violent angry mob of sociopathic crybabies unable to process the idea of losing an election – something
at least 50% of all candidates in all elections throughout all of history
everywhere on the planet have experienced – to fight, fight, fight in the most
un-American way possible. You probably did not see this, even if you were
watching very closely (maybe even hoping), because it did not happen. This is
in part because Harris is not a demented, entitled, decrepit old white guy who
cares for no one but himself and has not shred one of scruples, honesty,
empathy or real hair, and all the social conscience of a rabid badger strapped
to a hungry coyote.
Maybe you found yourself wondering, does no
one realize what day this is? There was no one planting pipe bombs around
Washington, DC. No touroristsbeating law enforcement officers with American flag
poles, or Confederate Battle
Flags, or bats or bear spray or tasers. No one (including members of Congress)
attempted to stop the ritual certification of the Electoral College count. No
one shitting on the walls or Nancy Pelosi’s desk or trying to capture and/or kill the vice president
or various members of Congress. No one smashing windows or screaming like an
idiot in the House chamber while wearing headgear harking back to Fred
Flintstone’s Buffalo Lodge.
Yabba dabba doofus. Can you
tell which one is the cartoon character?*
Despite a bitter
campaign fueled by billionaires, one of whom now owns
the incoming president, disinformation and unfathomable stupidity, those
of us on the losing this time side play by a different set of rules, i.e., rules. We do
not throw years-long tantrums. We do not incite fact-free insurrection. We do
not lie incessantly about easily and repeatedly provable realities.
Hopefully, we also
do not tuck our tails between our legs and mope after the stunning,
unbelievable, painful and perhaps fatal twist of fate that has a horribly
failed businessman and president, known to be a racist, a fascist, a rapist and
a 34-count convicted felon (not to mention the countless crimes that never made
it to court) and Russian stooge once again weaseled his way back into the White
House.
No friends, there
was today, as almost always – with one monstrous exception – a peaceful transfer
of power after an election, disastrous or otherwise.
Epilogue
This date should be remembered as a sickening assault on this nation, like the bombing of Pearl Harbor and the attacks on 9/11. More importantly, it should retain a place as a blot on this nation's history for all of history like the bombing of Fort Sumpter and that of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Pearl Harbor and 9/11, in whatever way we may have provoked, were outside jobs. But Fort Sumpter, Oklahoma City and the January 6, 2021 violent assault on our nation's Capitol were all perpetrated by domestic terrorists – Trump’s terrorists. The latter three events being incited, instigated and enabled by the then-sitting president, who is about to subject us to his second act.
It is exceedingly rare that the sequel measures up to the original, so keep a vomit bag handy – this promises to be sickening.
________________________________________________ *Sorry, that was a trick question. Both are cartoon characters. Only one of them knows it.
Well, we did it
folks. Defying all odds, any remnants of intelligence and all attachments to
sanity, we have successfully navigated the calendar and stepped into the Year
of Our Discontent – 2025.
On January 1st
one of Elmo Musk’s iconic idiotic Cybertrucks (the ugly trucklings
that have had five recalls in less than a year) exploded outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas.
If this incident had not resulted in one dead (the bomber) and several injured, it would
simply be hilarious. Please feel free to chuckle after a moment of silence for
the suicidal victim of Musk’s Folly. Outside the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas.
At first, many
people were saying that this was a metaphor for coming distractions. Others blamed
Jewish space lasers.
It was then
discovered that this was a purposeful attack. Naturally, right wing trolls and
morons – like Donald Trump – immediately blamed illegals crossing our southern
border, just as they did with the dirtbag who drove through a crowd in New
Orleans earlier that day.
Well, guess
what-the-fuck. Both terrorists were American citizens, both military. One appears
to have been radicalized by ISIS, the other by Trump.
The Cybertruck
bomber was an active-duty Green Beret who according to his uncle, “was a 100
percent patriot.” You know, like Benedict Arnold. His uncle added, “He used to
have all patriotic stuff on Facebook, he was 100 percent loving the country. He
loved Trump, and he was always a very, very patriotic soldier, a patriotic
American.” USA, USA, USA.
For his part, the
suicide bummer left behind a note praising Trump and calling for the removal of all Democrats
from the government. He will not be missed. But he is already forgotten.
Predictions, Prophecies,
Prognostications, Projections and Piffle
Still trying to bag the elusive Would-Be-Monarch
Butterfly
I’ll Believe The Future When I See It Project Protect 2025
December 31,
2024
Anyone can put
together a look back at the year that was. Not that there’s anything wrong with
that. But it takes true courage, a complete disregard for common sense and real
spunk to pretend to know what will happen in the year to come.
So, here it
is. The final installment of what to expect in 2025.
Donald Trump
– the long COVID of presidents – still has us gnashing our teeth, fighting to
keep food down, losing sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately
prevail despite the unrelenting and seditious efforts of its arch enemies –
Donald Trump, his Fascist Party, and the Supremely Extreme Court.
Hopefully, Trump’s legacy will attain a fate similar to so many of Trump’s
other fraudulent, and ultimately failed ventures.
Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor
September 24, 2025
Trump suffers what for most
would be a fatal heart attack. But since he is devoid of both heart and soul,
the incident barely fazes him. He did stop yapping for several seconds and
appeared to stop breathing, but quickly regained what passes for consciousness
and continued his indecipherable drivel.
November 4, 2025
Trump makes another stunning(ly
stupid) announcement.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court, despite having no case before them, decides that there is nothing in the Constitution requiring a president to be a living person. While they did not declare that women were disqualified to serve as president (that being an unnecessary edict since it will never happen), they did make it possible for Trump to remain in office post-mortem if he merely declares his intent before his long-overdue demise.
December 13, 2025
Trump finally, via executive
order, kills the Affordable Care Act.
“The terribly horrible Obamacare that I worked so hard and so
tremendously to make great is so horrible that I alone can kill it. My very
beautiful and highly genius concept of a plan is now ready. Everyone will now
be able to get all the health they can afford with the great new TrumpCare
Plan. For only 60% of your annual salary – that’s gross, not net – you will be
able to see any doctor that I and the great RFK II approve, unless you’re a
woman, since women have no need for medical. I have made medical great again.
You can thank your favorite president now.”
December 25, 2024
Trump announces the release of his “brand new Bible”
“This will be the greatest Bible of all time. You may notice a
slight change, which you will love very much. I have replaced Jesus with Trump.
As I announced last week, I have legally changed my middle name to Jesus. And
this will make it totally official. I am the new chosen one.”
We are predicting that the year 2025 will come to an end, at
midnight or there abouts. We are simply not stupid enough to even consider
predicting how. There is a non-zero percent chance that we will once again be
relieved to wring out another year.
Do I smell smoke?
Out With (ano)The(r) Bad Year, In With The Completely
Unpredictable (With The Exception Of Our Predictions) And Potentially Fatal New
Year
In any event,
hope for the best, expect the worst. Remain vigilant. Sleep with one eye open.
The year 2025 is coming for you and is plotting to kill you if you’re not
prepared.
Mel Brooks – Hope For The Best
And this is not
a prediction, this is a guarantee: the word of the year will be
Either that or
the ever-reliable gift from the Hopi language
Anyway, that’s it for Paying Attention™ in 2024 and now we all know what to expect in
2025 – or at least some of it. For now, just enjoy New Year’s Eve, think
responsibly, and for now, forget the future ever happened.
Feel free to ignore all
predictions except this one from the world’s foremost authority: “If we
don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.”
From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff
and Shay King, and our research and legal teamS:
Hello 2025, come right
in, we’ve been expecting you.
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